Reassignment, Favoritism, and Career Setbacks: A Personal Narrative

curious101 on 03/03/2025 - 14:50
Last edited 04/03/2025 - 20:34 by 2 other users

Hi Peeps, I wanted to know your thoughts on this.

During the 2016-2017 period, I was reassigned to a different team, resulting in a significant alteration of my duties and role (my pay stayed same, but role was less technical and more call centre type). This transition was distressing, I broke down in the meeting room when it was disclosed to me, as I had consistently demonstrated dedication to client needs, often working extended unpaid hours, and found the learning process fulfilling. Prior to this transition the particular manager started making the life a bit harder for me.

While my compensation remained unchanged, my career advancement opportunities were subsequently limited. Later on, I found out that the manager who moved me, brought in her then secretive BF into the role, promoted that BF in front of other managers, travelled on conference together on public money, did overtime together and stayed back, and sped up her partner's career significantly. While it took couple of years from my life to rebuild everything. Later on, she left the organisation, and they got married. She cut ties with everyone. A few years later her partner also left the organisation.

I am still very bitter over the experience, and that mistreatment fills my heart with hatred. I was disappointed that some high-up people in the organisation, took no action. Cut to 2024, I have left that organisation now. But I often wonder how different my life would have been, had I stayed in the technical role. Would this be a ground for bullying or some sort of punishment for the manager or my previous employer, who did this?

Edit: Does anyone know anything if this could be reported under corrupt conduct or anything of that sort ? Given that it was a university, which is publicly funded.

Mod: Personal information/doxing removed.

Education & Work

Comments

  • mskeggs on 03/03/2025 - 14:57
    +32

    You shouldn't dox people. If they become aware of it, they can sue you for defamation.

    • curious101 on 03/03/2025 - 15:00
      +3

      I am not lying about anything, it's widely known at my previously employer.

      • mskeggs on 03/03/2025 - 15:02
        +26

        I didn't say you were. I said you can be sued for defamation. In this country the legal costs of prosecuting or defending a defamation case can be $1million.
        Those costs can be very destructive and can be used as a weapon.

        • curious101 on 03/03/2025 - 15:03
          +7

          Okay, thank you.

          Thanks to the moderator as well.

        • ankor on 05/03/2025 - 11:15
          +2

          $2 million for Channel 10 vs Bruce Lehrmann.
          About $1.5 million for Lisa Wilkinson vs Channel 10 for her costs.

      • jv on 03/03/2025 - 18:01
        +2

        I am not lying about anything

        Maybe you are ???

        You're an anonymous person in a public forum…

  • netjock on 03/03/2025 - 14:59
    +2

    Dropping names sounds suspicious.

    • ChampofAus on 05/03/2025 - 16:45

      Or could be because of frustration?

  • CurlCurl on 03/03/2025 - 15:00
    +27

    It's been 8 to 9 years and you are still carrying it around. Sheesh!

    • curious101 on 03/03/2025 - 15:01

      Yeah, I am very petty, unfortunately. Can't easily let go of mistreatment. Maybe it's a me issue.

      • cashless on 03/03/2025 - 15:24
        +28

        I am very petty, unfortunately

        There’s your problem. Chances are that everyone else involved in this has buried the memory & moved on. Are you going to carry it to your grave?
        Can’t believe how many people allow themselves to burn up internally due to some past, petty problem.
        Time to live for the future, not look in the rear view mirror

        • paloverde88 on 05/03/2025 - 14:01

          chances are all people involved have all become multi millionaires and driving in range rovers and you got nothing out of it, of course you need to be bitter.

          • Matt P on 06/03/2025 - 16:47
            +1

            @paloverde88: Its ok, their Range Rovers will eventually bankrupt them with repairs.

            Source: i work across the road from a LR/RR specialist, see the same cars all the time.

      • p1 ama on 03/03/2025 - 19:27
        +16

        Yeah, I am very petty, unfortunately. Can't easily let go of mistreatment. Maybe it's a me issue.

        Yes, it's a "you" issue - the problem is that you view it personally. Nothing at work is personal - not to say that people shouldn't be friendly or kind, but that it's an environment where everyone simply looks out for themselves. It's transactional.

        You are never entitled to anything beyond what is in your contract - "learning opportunities", promotions, work that you "enjoy", other undocumented perks…etc. are all things that are promised (and potentially delivered) in good times, never in bad.

        If you believe you deserve a promotion, then go out and get it - there are plenty of job advertisements out there. Apply to the ones at the level you believe you should be at. If you get it, good on you, if not, then you know where you stand.

        • outlander on 04/03/2025 - 12:02
          +6

          Nothing at work is personal

          Lol. Gotta love these imaginary lines people draw.

          "You can do this here and it's okay, but if you do it here it's not"

          It's all personal. The trick is to getting your life in order enough that when someone attacks you this way, you can turn around and return it 3 fold, rather than stew in bitterness and take the damage yourself. If everyone did that, these parasites wouldn't have the grip on our society that they do.

          • p1 ama on 04/03/2025 - 12:23

            @outlander:

            Lol. Gotta love these imaginary lines people draw.

            What's the imaginary line? Work is "not personal" in the sense that it is, ultimately, a financial transaction.

            When I say that "nothing at work is personal", what I mean is that people at work are not your friends or family, and you shouldn't expect that they will act in your best interest.

            It works both ways - if you get fired, it's not because they didn't like you as a person, it's just that the financial situation of the employer is a certain way. Similarly, you should be ready to leave if someone offers you a better (or higher paying) job - it's not because you don't like your current employer, it is just your financial situation is that way.

            It's all personal. The trick is to getting your life in order enough that when someone attacks you this way, you can turn around and return it 3 fold, rather than stew in bitterness and take the damage yourself. If everyone did that, these parasites wouldn't have the grip on our society that they do.

            How exactly does one "return it 3 fold"? I get that it's some vague poetic sense of justice, but what does it mean in reality?

            • outlander on 04/03/2025 - 12:47
              +1

              @p1 ama: Work is more personal to most people than their own children. People are incredibly wrapped up in the jobs as a source of identity. Work means money and money is how people live. Fundamentally I don't see the difference between somebody telling lies to get you fired, and sneaking into your home at night and stealing 50k off you

              what I mean is that people at work are not your friends or family, and you shouldn't expect that they will act in your best interest.

              "Not acting in your best interests" is worlds apart from manipulating people and corrupting social institutions for their own selfish gain. There are rules of conduct, and if you go outside them then naturally you should never expect the rules to protect you.

              How exactly does one "return it 3 fold"? I get that it's some vague poetic sense of justice, but what does it mean in reality?

              Get creative.

              • Assburg on 06/03/2025 - 00:06
                +1

                @outlander: Yeah people who say work is purely transactional and everyone acts in their own business are pretty consistently those who themselves are looking to justify their own behaviour.

                There are plenty of people that I'm not "friends" with in my professional life who mean a great deal to me, and plenty of people I wouldn't be friends with but for work as a common ground.. Nonetheless, they are still friends.

                We spend what, a third of our life at work? If you're willing to write that much off as something purely transactional (when you've already written a third off to sleeping, which is transactional in the sense that you close your eyes and get energy in return) …I just can't imagine the leftover part of one's life being anything more than transactional.

      • SlickMick on 04/03/2025 - 09:29
        +6

        Don't let the negs get you down. I've seen it happen to several people including myself in a couple of organisations in a regional town, where it isn't easy to just walk away and take a new job.

        I have no doubt that I'll be having a whinge whenever I think about how my career was trashed.
        I don't see any problem with venting, just don't let it consume you. Play the hand life has dealt you, make good decisions without letting the past drag you down.
        But I'm all ears if you need to vent.

        • sauce2k on 04/03/2025 - 10:14

          Disagree — it's absolutely ok to have a whinge but 8-9 years and you say this crashed your career is insane to me. If you were unhappy at the time and didn't do anything about it then should you blame yourself or the organisation?

          • SlickMick on 04/03/2025 - 10:32

            @sauce2k: No, we don't blame victims.

            Of the people I mentioned, 1 managed to leave and get a new job and career took off - but it only happened because their spouse was also able to relocate. 3 have not.
            1 has had the union fighting with HR & management for over a year and has gotten nowhere.
            1 thinks they don't want the stress of fighting it, not realising that the stress of the bullying etc is at least as bad.
            1 is just planning on retiring.

            The one that escaped probably has the worst scars. It's been a few years, but when we catch up, it's obvious that the pain is still in there.

            • trapper on 04/03/2025 - 11:48
              +5

              @SlickMick: The OP isn’t a 'victim' here though. She got reassigned, and the new role sucked.

              She should’ve walked away back in 2016-2017, by now, it’d just be a faded blip of irritation.

              Maybe even a silver lining in hindsight, the nudge she needed to land something better and more exciting.

              Instead, she stuck around for eight more years, stewing in bitterness and resentment, wondering why her career’s gone off the rails.

              • SlickMick on 04/03/2025 - 12:10
                +2

                @trapper: She may not have had an opportunity to walk away, like 3 of the 4 examples I provided.

                In any case, a fleeing victim is still a victim.

                • p1 ama on 04/03/2025 - 17:04

                  @SlickMick:

                  In any case, a fleeing victim is still a victim.

                  Yes, agreed - but it's not incongruent to say that one is a victim, whilst at the same time, one can and should do something about it.

                  For example, if you were randomly punched on the street, then you are a victim. It's not your fault that you were punched. However, it would also not be ridiculous to suggest that perhaps you should run away (or defend yourself). Or would you just stand there and let yourself continue to get punched because "I'm the victim, and I have the right to stand here"?

                  • SlickMick on 05/03/2025 - 21:02
                    +1

                    @p1 ama: yeah but you concocted a different scenario. Like I said, in 3 of my 4 examples, and quite possiblly the OPs, they didn't have an option like you invented.

                    The like example would be you were in a dead-end alley and got mugged with nowhere to run, and the mugger was way bigger than you and had a knife….
                    sometimes a victim is just a victim.

                    Leave and be unemployed, get union to elevate the stress level to a senior management squabble for years without a resolution, give up on your career going anywhere and just start planning retirement: there was no potentially successful flight-or-fight options in any of these cases.
                    Sometimes the bully wins. In fact isn't that what bullying is? If walking away was an option, who'd get bullied?

                    The one scenario where the person did manage to escape the bully still has the scars. They're still the victim, they've just subsequently had some good fortune. I think they'd still rather be here in thier original job, just because they landed on thier feet doesn't take away from what happened to them.

      • idonotknowwhy on 04/03/2025 - 12:15
        +2

        It's not just a "you problem" or petty IMO, and time doesn't just magically heal all wounds (I only up-voted to offset the stupid neg votes, not to reinforce what you're saying about yourself).

        You were wronged, and you need to find a way to move past it, but I don't think it's a simple as "just move on" or "toughed up, shit happens".

        I don't know the solution, but this comment below about therapy seems the most reasonable to me:

        https://www.ozbargain.com.au/node/895893#comment-16313711

        IMO, it's worth trying, as I've seen several cases where old people in their 70s/80s were wronged when they were young, and they still carry the resentment, in some cases bringing it up in almost every interaction.
        Finally (again, IMO because I'm just a random ozbargainer) it's good you're opening up about it. Internet comments are harsh, don't let them make you suppress this.

      • derrida derider on 04/03/2025 - 15:53

        It is a me issue. Dude for your own mental health LET IT GO. If you find that hard, go to a psychologist and get some CBT exercises to help - they work.

        Life is full of sliding door moments, and the sliding is often not at all fair. But the difference between the past and the future is that you cannot change the past while you can change the future. Look forward, not back.

      • drfuzzy on 04/03/2025 - 21:22

        Your sense of entitlement and lack of insight is shocking.

      • kaleidoscope on 05/03/2025 - 09:22
        +1

        If you asked 100 people in this forum alone, I’m sure more than half (myself included) would say they’ve experienced mistreatment or favoritism that impacted their careers or personal lives. Unfortunately, workplace challenges like these are all too common.

        I can understand why you stayed, given the challenges of finding similar employment elsewhere, and I’m sorry you had to go through this experience. However, nearly ten years have passed, and I wonder if holding on to this resentment is doing more harm than good to your well-being. I hope you find the strength to move forward and continue to build a fulfilling career.

        Often working extended unpaid hours and found the learning process fulfilling.

        Many of us fall into this trap. I’m 16+ years into my career, and I still have to remind myself to set boundaries and prioritize balance. It’s an ongoing process, but an important one.

        Good luck!

      • Aerith-Waifu on 05/03/2025 - 18:25

        You own the people and mods here a beer mate, they just saved you $1m

        So today is a good day for you.

        Remember, never mention name, its always my uncle's mistress's first cousin's best friends' brother's dog…………..

  • MS Paint on 03/03/2025 - 15:00
    +18

    I was reassigned to a different team

    I initially thought you had a gender transformation. Gotta love 2025.

    • curious101 on 03/03/2025 - 15:01
      +2

      Haha. No, no such thing.

        • curious101 on 03/03/2025 - 15:02
          +3

          I mean, it's not applicable in my case. Didn't do any gender reassignment surgery.

          • MS Paint on 03/03/2025 - 15:04

            @curious101: See I skipped the rest of the story and thought you, Alyce, had become Kyle. Hence my confusion.

            • CurlCurl on 03/03/2025 - 15:40

              @MS Paint:

              See I skipped the rest of the story and thought you, Alyce, had become Kyle. Hence my confusion.

              That would render Kyle useless.

          • kaleidoscope on 05/03/2025 - 09:26

            @curious101: You seem to take things too seriously… It was meant to be a joke lol

        • pjetson on 03/03/2025 - 16:55
          +5

          People change their gender quite often

          I'm surprised. I'd have thought that just the once would be difficult enough.

    • Muppet Detector on 03/03/2025 - 23:08

      That's what I was expecting.

    • kaleidoscope on 05/03/2025 - 09:11

      need mspaint diagram of this

  • mskeggs on 03/03/2025 - 15:05
    +20

    Time to get over it.
    You can't pursue them at fair work, as you don't work there any more.
    Send them a turd in the mail if you really can't let go.

  • StonedWizard on 03/03/2025 - 15:05
    +8

    OP even if you were to sue your former employer, it's going to be a lengthy and process both mentally and financially. All you'll get at the end is a hollow victory.

    These things happen in work places and it's important you learn to assess your situation and ask whether it's worth the compensation or not?

    Life is too short to deal with harbour this level of pettiness for years.

    • JIMB0 on 03/03/2025 - 16:33
      +5

      Petty revenge is a much better option.

  • Jimothy Wongingtons on 03/03/2025 - 15:18
    +6

    isnt there some limit on time thats passed to even claim?

    and did you keep a diary of events?

    did you go see a councillor / get some external help / report to a superior/HR?

    maybe a bit out there but maybe work cover if could prove the mental toll taken causing depression or whatever etc

    the thing that surprises me the most is…you're saying you were super down…limited prospects of moving up…and you just kept plugging along for 8 (?) years ?

    • curious101 on 03/03/2025 - 16:19
      +3

      No fortunately, the setback only wasted 2-3 years, as I made most of the next opportunities. In the hindsight, should have left the organisation. But hindsight is always 20/20 as they say.

  • fantombloo on 03/03/2025 - 15:22
    +10

    "But I often wonder how different my life would have been" - this applies to almost everything. It's not usually very helpful.

    Share your load and get some new perspective by having a chat with someone. Maybe see your doc and get a referral for some counseling - medicare will subsidise - at least give it a little go - might be not for you, might be eye-opening beyond your expectations. People can suck, but can be beautiful too. Best wishes.

  • mooney on 03/03/2025 - 15:25
    +3

    As a couple of others have said, you need to get over it. Your time to be decisive has gone. Maybe you have not progressed as far as you otherwise would have done, HOWEVER the one thing that is certain is that if you carry around resentment you are going to self sabotage what remains of your career.

    Think positive… and see if you can get yourself back on track. Good luck

  • El cheepo on 03/03/2025 - 15:46
    +7

    You can’t change the past, only your future.
    Stop looking back. look forward and make new goals.

  • Gdsamp on 03/03/2025 - 16:07
    +1

    mods is it possible to remove the names in the edit history

  • Wiadro on 03/03/2025 - 16:10

    lol what

  • askbargain on 03/03/2025 - 16:22

    TL;DR?

    • Dreamcast on 03/03/2025 - 21:22
      +1

      I'm going to assume that is the TL;DR version lol

  • ForkSnorter on 03/03/2025 - 16:42
    +3

    I, and no doubt most people, have suffered all kinds of grievances/setbacks, even injuries due to the decisions or conduct of other people. But, in my opinion, dwelling on the past and clinging to hate and anger does not help you in any way, and is in fact probably the worst thing you can do. The best thing you can do is to continue to strive to achieve your goals and find success and/or happiness in what you do.

    • Jimothy Wongingtons on 03/03/2025 - 16:53
      +3

      clinging to hate and anger does not help you in any way

      i know right - i thought we already learnt this lesson from the backstory of darth vader…

  • AustriaBargain on 03/03/2025 - 16:54
    +4

    often working extended unpaid hours

    That's the wrong kind of brown nosing.

  • pegaxs on 03/03/2025 - 17:34
    +5

    often working extended unpaid hours,

    Well, there is part of your problem…

  • 7ekn00 on 03/03/2025 - 17:36
    +1

    Would this be a ground for bullying or some sort of punishment for the manager or my previous employer, who did this?

    Nope, as soon as you leave a place, Fair Work can't do anything about the past environment :/

  • nomoneynoproblems on 03/03/2025 - 19:01
    +2

    The minute you’re treated poorly, you make your exit. Sorry man…

  • MrThing on 03/03/2025 - 19:38
    +4

    Welcome to working life, the quicker you get over it, the quicker you will be able to relax

    Some people just have the gift of the gab and sail through doing mediocre work…others don't and pickup the slack of those people and get no recognition for it

  • brad1-8tsi on 03/03/2025 - 20:05
    +5

    I had something similar happen. Gov't depatment, hire of managers Brother-in-law, manager moving me to unsuitable work. I had proof (transcript of a taped conversation by the managers admin assistant) of the manager wanting to force me out.

    I went to HR. They wanted the recording and refused to investigate.

    I moved on (both figuratively and literally). Holding onto these things hurts nobody but yourself.

    • tenpercent on 04/03/2025 - 11:56
      +1

      HR is there to protect managers, not to serve employees, that only happens when it also serves the managers.

  • Doobies on 03/03/2025 - 20:43
    +1

    Well - if you were named Jimmy Recard you'd be king of the bar at least?

  • Dreamcast on 03/03/2025 - 21:21
    +1

    Women ☕

  • ihbh on 03/03/2025 - 21:46
    +5

    Resentment/revenge is like drinking poison and waiting for the ex-manager to die.

  • CantonasKungFuKick on 03/03/2025 - 23:14

    Use it as a learning experience. It won't be the first nor the last time you get let down by people acting in their own interests. That's the world we live in.

    Focus on the positives, you got through it, you came out the other side.

    And if something similar happens again, keep a diary, make it known. But, remember HR is there for the company, not for you (the workers) so don't expect much from them either.

  • JIMB0 on 03/03/2025 - 23:15

    often working extended unpaid hours

    Stock-taking with no-one around?

  • Hardlyworkin on 04/03/2025 - 00:00
    +2

    Moral of the story; if you want to move up the chain quicker, shag your boss.

  • CalmLemons on 04/03/2025 - 00:10
    +2

    This is why they call it the animal kingdom.

    I was really sad too when they said because I'm not born into the royal family that I cannot become the king.

    If only you knew what really happens above you in the corporate world (above manager/role disputes/favourtism), you'll probably find it pretty fair.

    As you're an employee in a company, just remind yourself that you honestly aren't very important to the company and can easily be replaced.

    People are often promoted not based on merit unfortunately. It is just the way it is, especially in what I would imagine is a pretty low tier company.

  • FlyingMiffy on 04/03/2025 - 00:29
    +1

    Worry only about the things that are in your control.

    • tenpercent on 04/03/2025 - 11:36
      +1

      That sounds like the kind of talk masters told their slaves back in the day.
      Not far removed from gems like "Know your place, boy".

      • trapper on 04/03/2025 - 11:55
        +2

        Slaves didn't get to choose who they worked for.

        OP made this choice.

        • tenpercent on 04/03/2025 - 12:02

          It's the same mentality.
          Someone with authority does wrong by someone 'beneath' them. OP didn't make the choice to be screwed over. Slaves didn't make the choice to be slaves.
          Advice to 'get over it' / 'deal with it' / 'know your place' / 'its your lot in life' is slave mentality. It's convict-brained drivel.
          No. Instead: get revenge, get justice, give them comeuppance.

          • trapper on 04/03/2025 - 12:11
            -2

            @tenpercent:

            get revenge, get justice, give them comeuppance.

            Good grief. What kind of life is this, chasing your vengeance for one slight after another. Terrible advice.

            • tenpercent on 04/03/2025 - 15:29
              -2

              @trapper: Someone cutting in line is a slight. Someone telling you you look fat is a slight. Someone screwing up your career trajectory to unfairly help themself and their lover boy is a heck of a bit more than a "slight".

              You know what is terrible advice?

              Bend over and take it. Pretend it never happened. Other people were raped worse than you and they've moved on.

              • FlyingMiffy on 05/03/2025 - 08:57

                @tenpercent: You sound like an angry person @tenpercent. Once you work out that those you are angry about couldnt care less, you will understand what i meant.

                • tenpercent on 05/03/2025 - 11:37

                  @FlyingMiffy: Not at all. If ever someone does a significant wrong by me, such as what has happened to the OP, I would redirect that anger to the appropriate outlets of revenge and justice.

                  Of course the perpetrator doesn't care if you're just being angry or bitter, it doesn't affect them. But if you dish out some just desserts you get some closure and they get some comeuppance and all is good in the universe again.

                  In this instance it appears that some sort of just desserts is somewhat within OP's control, although they would have had access to a wider menu had they acted sooner. Some creative thinking may expand their menu.

  • morse on 04/03/2025 - 03:10
    +3

    If you think public funds have been improperly used you can make a public interest disclosure around mismanagement and/or corruption. This will not help you with your bitterness, but may still be appropriate.

    I think this is a case of the best form of revenge being success. Invest in yourself, live your best life and you will no longer have anything to be bitter about.

    • tenpercent on 04/03/2025 - 20:09

      THIS

      If you think public funds have been improperly used you can make a public interest disclosure around mismanagement and/or corruption.

      Seems like an obvious way to seek some fraction of justice. I would guess some of your former colleagues have experienced similar treatment and could also make complaints and disclosure requests.

    • brad1-8tsi on 05/03/2025 - 07:56

      the best form of revenge being success

      The manager I mentioned in my post above is a similar age to mine. He is still working.

      I have several close friends at my old work place. They make a point of telling the manager that I said "Hi" and how much I'm enjoying retirement living off my investments. apparently he goes a bit beetroot. :-)

  • May4th on 04/03/2025 - 06:35

    you need to move on, should have happened in 2017 and found a new job then but what's happened's happened. if you keep thinking about what ifs you will never be happy

  • Trying2SaveABuck on 04/03/2025 - 08:48
    +2

    Sounds like you expect a "publicly" funded organisation to run properly and without nepotism and abuse of funding

  • bbinc on 04/03/2025 - 09:49
    +3

    It’s still troubling you. You could consider professional help from an EAP provider. It’s likely your employer has an EAP program, and that you can still use it as an ex-employee. If not, it might be worth spending a few bucks to work through those issues with a psychologist who does EAP work.
    You could even get a referral from your GP - it’s obviously causing you anxiety, and that’s enough to warrant help.

  • MessyG on 04/03/2025 - 09:51
    +14

    OP please go and get therapy. While they have happily carried on with their lives and continued their appalling behaviour, as horrible people tend to do, you have carried this wound around inside of you since, and been in pain. It's so easy to live in that justified outrage, so easy to be the wronged one (which you absolutely were), but strangely satisfying a place as it is to live, it is still suffering that you don't deserve. The best revenge is success and forgetting their names. No one alive today is immune to setbacks, we all experience them - what matters more is how you learn and grow from them. Don't make it to a decade of being stuck in this. Go and seek professional help, like most professionals do, and live life outside of their shadow.

    • ozb1ozb2ozb3 on 04/03/2025 - 10:41
      +4

      THIS

      Finally a sensible and helpful post that might actually do good to OP.

    • HmrW on 04/03/2025 - 12:00
      +1

      Another vote for this OP.

      Nobody will know what different will it make if you stay in your role in the previous company.

      What's important is to know that your past does not dictate your future.

  • Notoriouzs on 04/03/2025 - 10:11
    +8

    Agreed with the comments to go find a therapist.

    I do think you need to change your mindset - stop playing the victim. Shit happens to people all the time, you need to accept that shit happened to you and move on.

    Secondly you are questioning the wrong things, stop asking how differently your life would have ended up if that didn't happen. You need to start focusing and questioning what you want your life to look like now, and then work towards that.

    The "why me" attitude doesn't get you far in life.

  • tenpercent on 04/03/2025 - 11:55
    +3

    I'm going to post something a little different than all the "get over it" and "see a therapist" commenters…

    Some low level manager (profanity) you over for the sake of nepotism and helping themselves. It happens. It sucks. Learn from it. Colleagues will do the same. Never donate your time and efforts to your employer and expect to reap rewards because it probably won't happen. Do what you're contractually remunerated for and no more. A lot of people will probably neg my comment just for this, but it's reality.

    Just remember that the further up the chain you look, the more despicable the people become (on average).

    So next time you see a politican, or a CEO or any "authority" figure, just remember they're probably at least a little bit psycopathic (clinically actually psycopathic, not colloquially). Ask yourself "how many people like me and my experience has he/she (profanity) over and done wrong by to get to where they are?".

    The higher up people in your organisation probably took no action because they too were part of the same purple circle or have been involved in screwing people over as well. Some estimates suggest 1 in 5 business leaders are clinical psycopaths. I would guess the 1 in 5 is a lowball estimate because psychopaths are extremely good at masking and putting on faces. The less adept psycopaths are the ones who get identified. Know they exist, know how to spot them, know how to avoid being their target next time.

    • trapper on 04/03/2025 - 12:20
      +5

      OP is on here attempting to dox and get revenge on her former coworkers from a flipping decade ago.

      'Get over it and talk to a therapist' is exactly the right advice.

    • brad1-8tsi on 05/03/2025 - 08:05
      +2

      @tenpercent

      You are right in some ways I've had good and bad employers and my level of effort matches their treatment of me.

      I started great at the last FT job I had and as they screwed me over my level of "going the extra mile" decreased.

      The casual job I had installing TVs they treated & paid me well so I worked hard. Ditto the dinosaur puppet job and my latest electronics job. For me it's give & take and being appreciated for what you do.

  • Handsoff on 04/03/2025 - 12:44

    Hindsight is 20/20 but hindsight can mean 15 minutes/1 day/ 1 week after hearing about the BF's hiring. The fact that you stayed another 7 years and felt 3-4 years was wasted was a result of your own decision.

    Perhaps your admitted pettiness and slow ability to react to unfortunate situations were the reasons you were passed up for the career advancement you were hoping.

  • Munki on 04/03/2025 - 13:49

    I think it's ultimately an internal conflict you have with yourself now. The parties involved have all left your life, so it's a matter of finding a way to overcome your sense of being wronged. I'm not saying you haven't been wronged by any means, but since you have also moved on, perhaps you might want to do some more internalising to find a way to accept that it has happened but you will ensure it won't happen again in the future (cause why wouldn't you learn from such an event?). If you find it hard to do it yourself mentally, then yeah, therapy to talk it out might be better. There's no shame in that. You don't want this event to stay with you for life. It's better to try and let it go and feel the relief.

  • Eeples on 04/03/2025 - 15:09
    +2

    You could put a dead fish in their letter box.

    You could put a horses head on their front lawn.

    You could move on.

  • Damngood on 04/03/2025 - 17:26
    +1

    Move on, lifes too short, I know it's easy to say, harder for some than others, won't be what you think about on your death bed.. Cronyism & Nepotism, while frowned upon in business are rife all the same. Go and do some meditation course and let go.

  • frostman on 04/03/2025 - 19:06
    +9

    In my experience, it's always the w0m3n managers that have a higher chance of doing all the above.
    I had something slightly similar, my 1-up manager moved horizontally due to a restructure, I was next in-line to promote to that role.
    I had previously received exemplary credit for my work over 4 years, and this was the natural career progression.
    The head-of for that role (manager's manager) went and dragged her friend from another business unit into this role.
    At the company im in, you must advertise the role internally for 2 weeks, than seek external, nope she avoided all this.
    TLDR: Avoid F3m4le managers, unfortunately the many make it bad for the good few there.

    • stratbargain on 05/03/2025 - 07:29

      Managers pick managers based on a lot more than their “performance”

      It might have seemed like the natural progression but was it the right progression for the company?

      • frostman on 08/03/2025 - 13:42

        Skipping the recruitment process for the role and literally "installing" the friend there speaks volumes on this mate, pull your head out.

  • GuitarXXX on 04/03/2025 - 22:24

    You need to let it go. In your long and lovely life this could be a small thing, really depends on how you think about it now.

  • OhNoUShiz on 04/03/2025 - 23:46
    +3

    Which university?

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