I Don’t Stop for Kids Crossing The Road

So had an argument with the Mrs.

My kid school is located in a secluded suburb, all the streets around the school are very quiet except from the school hours.

When I do the school runs and when I see kids trying to cross the street (not zebra crossing), I drive at a reduced speed (and do fully expect to stop should they walk out) BUT I do not stop for them to cross. I do this because I believe this helps them not to expect drivers to give way to them.

My wife always stops the car in the middle of the road and let them cross which drives me mad. Yes, the road is very quiet and yes there’s no car behind but that’s like teaching them kids to expect drivers to stop. She asks me “Would you stop for your own kid?” to which I replied “no, I’ll do the same thing. Don’t want her to cross the road when there’s a car coming”. To which she replies “you’re such an a**”

So am I an ahole or not? (=

update:

Without a word of a lie, today 6/8/2020, was putting my daughter in the car and saw a boy trying to zoom across the road 1 car ahead. He didn't see the Ford mondeo coming from the right. I shouted "stop" which he did. The Ford zoomed past and he said "thanks, they usually stop". oh well. Can't wait to tell the Mrs when she gets home. Lolz.

Comments

        • That they are.. especially that stormcat fella, has a HUGE chip on his shoulder.

    • Wondering if you live in Sydney because that whole not turning right when being waved through attitude is going to leave you at the same intersection for a couple hours during peak hour here.

      As someone who cycles to work I agree with your sentiment in the 2nd part of your comment, that sort of terrible behaviour by the cyclists is the reason why neutrals in the cyclist debate lean anti cyclist.

  • +6

    Get them to start crossing, THEN run them over. That'll teach 'em!

    • +7

      i'm not that evil …. yet

    • You are my spirit animal.

  • How far from the school do you live? Just wondering why you are doing a school run.

    • 2 kilometres if we walk through the mountain.
      4 kilometres if we drive around the mountain.

      • +18

        Kids today, never know what it was like having to fight a Balrog every morning just to get to school.

        • haha lolz. In all seriousness, we literally walk through a mountain to get to school on a good day.

          • +8

            @tomleonhart:

            In all seriousness, we literally walk through a mountain to get to school on a good day.

            Wow.. do you have to patch up the hole every day, or do you leave it for the next day? Must take ages if you do.

            • +2

              @eug: you win. we walk across the mountain =)

  • +26

    Courtesy Kills. you are 100% right obeying the road rules makes you predictable. a kids that expects a car to stop at an unspecified point will happily walk out for a car that appears to be slowing when all they were doing was being cautious. This could be catastrophic . Stick to the road rules.

    This also applies to cars turning right across 2 lanes. How many dash cam videos have you seen of courtesy resulting in a car being hit by an unknown car in the second lane. Just dont do it , be predictable.

    • +12

      Yep, so many accidents on DCOA where cars let other cars try and cross through in gaps of banked up traffic, and another car comes along and collects them.

    • +3

      Yeah was just going to write this about the cars turning; I had a colleague who thought he was being nice giving way but didn't realise he somewhat caused the accident (lol).

    • +2

      Exactly, this is what I'm trying to sell into my kid's head while teaching them to drive - be predictable!

  • +9

    I completely agree with you.

    Kids shouldn’t expected cars to stop for them, if they condition to it, it’s causes even more issues later for them.

    If a car follows behind you and you suddenly stop, no indication or anything, you risk being rear ended, not that a car behind should be driving at a unsafe distance, but still.

    • +2

      And if you get rear ended and have a light foot on the brake then you slide into the crossing children……

      • +2

        even more reason not to STOP !!!!!

  • +9

    Don't stop, it's dangerous. Cars behind you may not be able to see why you've stopped and not expect a stationary vehicle to be sitting in the middle of the road for no apparent reason.

  • Clutch in, right foot tap accel. I don't do this for children, but for 'kids' as there is many kids in adult clothing and skin about walking across the road face down in phones ect. :)
    Go slow but not stop as OP has done is fine and potentially helps to reinforce better road safety.

  • Primary or highschoolers?

    • +2

      Primary. But I'll do the same with highschooler :P

      • +2

        I would stop for the kids crossing the road, but also roll down the window and give them a 20 min life lecture about the harsh realities of life, road rules, knowing when it's safe to cross the road, how things used to be much simpler back in the days when you had to walk uphills bothways to school when you had no car and highschool dating meant you needed to call each other on the landline and not through Facebook messenger.

        Then you can drive off and leave them with the life-long knowledge of road safety and the fact they just got grilled by a random stranger while crossing the road.

  • +2

    While I agree that stopping for kids to cross the road at an unmarked area is probably not sending the right message I think that our current road situation is prioritised wrong. We SHOULD be prioritising pedestrian movement over motorised traffic especially in built up areas. Expecting cars to stop along a straight road for someone to cross is probably pushing the friendship, but slowing or stopping for pedestrians to have priority at intersections should be normal

    waits for the flaming

  • -8

    Hit the kid and try that argument with their parent mate…

  • +9

    The most dangerous thing is unpredictability.

    As a pedestrian I want to decide myself if it is safe to cross the road. I look for a safe gap.
    When somebody stops unexpectedly It forces me to decide in a split second, which is dangerous. Also, most of the time my safe gap was right behind them! So It would have been way quicker for me if they don’t stop.

    I saw several times drivers stopping for pedestrians then a bike speeding through the gap.
    Dual carriageways, are even worse.

    • The wave of death.

      Driver stops. Waves pedestrian to cross. Pedestrian feels pressured to cross quickly. Runs into road. Bang. Hit by driver overtaking or bicycle who didn't see pedestrian run onto road.

  • +1

    If there's no other cars around I would stop for them. Then as they're crossing put my car in neutral and give my accelarator a good push and scare the living daylights out of them so they don't try it again :)

    That's if I had the guts

    • I have actually done that when some school kids crossed in front of me (stopped) on the 'red man'. Kid certainly jumped!

  • +1

    Ballsy post OP

  • +5

    Didn't know people stopped in the middle of the road to let people cross. Even if you're the only car around and you don't stop, they're just going to cross once you pass. What's the point?

  • +3

    I agree with you 100%.
    Tell your wife that one day she will stop but the car going the other direction won't, then the kids see her car stopped and step out…

    • +3

      darn. hello 2nd wife?

      Also I've been through the military and pilot training so maybe I'm trained in your nut world ? lol

      • Women and their twisted logic right lol?

  • I was watching dash cam videos on YouTube. It seemed to me maybe 20% of accidents were not accidents at all. The driver (male) would see someone about to do something stupid on the road. They say “don’t do it don’t do it!!!!” Then they crash.

    I just wonder if slowing is the best and safest response. Wouldn’t stopping for them and verbally abusing/educating them be a better thing to do?

    • +3

      Wouldn’t stopping for them and verbally abusing/educating them be a better thing to do?

      No. Most kids around the school are waiting on the side to cross, they aren't doing anything wrong since there's no zebra crossing or traffic light anywhere so they don't really need to be "abused/educate", it's the adult that stops the car and let them go is teaching them the wrong thing.

  • I don't encourage jaywalking, but just drive dead slow during school runs (prepared to stop if a kid just runs yelling yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!). When in the middle of an intersection, I give way to pedestrians.

    • +5

      did you read the post lol.

      "I drive at a reduced speed (and do fully expect to stop should they walk out)" - who says anything about intentionally run people over ? haha

      This refers to driving on the road where kids waiting to cross from either side.

  • +1

    I have seen so many times a person wave another car or pedestrian to cross and then they get hit by a car coming the other way.

  • No your logic is sound

  • That title makes it sound like you don't stop for kids that are already on the road. Or crossing the road at all…

    • +3

      i know. I click baited you :P

      • You got a few bites from people who don't bother to read the actual commentary and then attack you like you are the devil! Kudos

  • +2

    I hate people who do this, it causes so much trouble around our school because kids expect all cars to automatically stop for them at random points in the road. The school parents all know the place but the nearby uni student p-platers don't. There are near misses all the time. I've actually gone so far as to tell my children to wave on people who randomly stop for them and to only cross when it is completely clear.

    • like that. Let kid tell the adult to do the right thing!

    • I've actually gone so far as to tell my children to wave on people who randomly stop for them and to only cross when it is completely clear.

      Wouldn't telling your kids to cross at a designated crossing be more appropriate?

      • There isn't one…this is just a regular suburban street that is near the school.

  • +3

    This was literally my only fault (still passed) during the driving test - I was stopping in such situations (Australia, everyone is nice and polite, you know, after Russia) and the examiner told me not to as it sends the wrong message.

    • Try Japan! You could cross a 8 lane highway with a blindfold and noise cancelling headphones during peak traffic and safely make it to the other side.

      • may be but I did not dare, people were standing and waiting for the green light, worse than germans :-)

  • I 100% agree with you. Luckily my wife agrees too, it is not teaching kids the correct place to cross. It’s big issue around our kids school but unfortunately a lot of the parents don’t speak or understand English so they’ll never get it. I’ve walked my kids home from school and cars stop for us. I wave them on and give them a stern look but they just don’t get it.

    Unfortunately an 8 year kid was killed the other day as he crossed the road without checking properly and the truck didn’t have a chance to stop.

  • +2

    When I got my license (in the Uk) my instructor told me never to stop to let them cross at undesignated crossings. It could also be dangerous because the car behind you could overtake and run over the pedestrian.

  • +10

    Show the Mrs the thread and she said "you're still an ahole" =(

    • +2

      Be an ahole, save lives!

      Polite turns kids into pancakes - either as you wait by an overtaking car, or do 'em slowly by unteaching them correct crossing behaviour.

    • +1

      I was thinking that the compromise would be that you're right and an ahole.
      Call it tough love.

    • What do you want here exactly? Marriage counselling? A pat on the back? She clearly disagrees with you and thinks you're just trying to justify bad behaviour. So do some people on this thread.

  • Hello Pam

  • I always tell my son; look up, open your eyes and ears, think fast, look alive, die hard.

    And of course, explain that he can't trust a vehicle isn't going to run him over for various reasons.

  • If you have a dash cam and a child does this

    Upload the footage and then drop it at the school and then wait for entitled parent to want to see you and rant about how their child can cross where ever they like and if you hit that child you will be sued etc

    • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DU-v9XmOkUY&t=580s

      Truck stopped in school zone to let someone let out of the car or cross the road, child nearly skittled. THIS is why you do not randomly stop in the middle of the road. One lane stationary on still moving. Outcome nearly incredibly tragic.

      • That truck was stopped because the parked car in front had its door open, it didn't have a choice.

  • +1

    Contact the school and let them know that some students are not using the crossing. Unfortunately I don't think they will learn from your actions.

  • +1

    Didn't realise the tony abbot memoir had a title yet

  • +2

    Dont be nice, be predictable.

    Youre doing 100% the right thing.

    Keep in mind you are responsible if you hit a pedestrian even if they are breaking the law, so it is good that you slow down, but do not stop for them.

    Stopping for them teaches everyone a terrible lesson.

    • +1

      Exactly.

      It's dangerous even for those kids. The hot-head in the car behind you might not see why you stopped, and when he floors it past you he could hit them.

  • +1

    No more daily morning lockdown sex for you now but I agree with you

  • My Partner grew up in Japan and I can't count the number of times I've had to stop them walking out in front of traffic because they don't even bother looking and expects every driver to stop.

    Conditioning kids to expect that here is crazy.

  • I came into this, looking to rip into you… but no, I totally agree with what you are saying. It would be giving false security to those children.

  • +1

    This is real conundrum. But on balance, if I was in this situation again (more below …) I would take whatever option was safest at that time (for the kids and my own family travelling in my car), but look for a safe opportunity to have a word with the kids (stopping and getting out of my car if need be, but safely of course). At the end of the day, who knows what sort of a family (if any) background a kid is in, and what sort of or lack of healthy modelling he/she is receiving in all areas of life, including safe traffic sense. It's easy to want to give them a gobful, but everything we do as adults surely should look at outcomes, and yelling at someone may not be productive.

    It was just last Sunday afternoon, when banked up at the lights in the right lane heading south on the Princes Hwy in Kirrawee (southern Sydney), that I was confronted with horrific scenes of two kids (possibly between 8-12) on their BMX's, Macca's drink in one hand, scrambling across the 3 lanes of the northbound highway from the Macca's, where some cars had already passed them (70km/h limit) and they were attempting to scramble onto the median strip to beat the next batch of cars hurtling towards them. I recall yelling "don't do it" "stoppppp!!!!!" and startling my wife who couldn't see past the banked up cars in front of us. As the kids on their BMX's reached the median strip, they immediately crawled their bikes way in between the bumpers on our static right lane, then middle lane, then left lane … which was still flowing with fast traffic …

    I recalled screaming as the first kid attempted to scramble (almost not looking at all) across the fast flowing left lane onto the kerb but thank God a white X-Trail saw him in time and screeched to a halt, eventually letting them both through. The kids simply looked non-plussed, continuing slurping from their Maccas drink and just calmly rode away, probably not even realising it was at all such a close call and also potentially causing untold trauma to any poor driver who may have mowed them down. If I wasn't stuck in traffic and needing to move on, and if my family weren't in the car, I would have probably got out and chased them down and given them a gobful about how *&^%&$ stupid they are (exactly the sort of unhelpful outcomes I was recommending against earlier …). But my learning out of all this is if I come across this situation again and I can pull over safely and hopefully enlist another person to gently confront these kids, I will.

    But yeah, back to the OP's dilemma - I do think by regularly stopping and allowing or inviting kids to cross a street when there is a nearby zebra crossing, is potentially lulling them into a very dangerous false sense of security that cars tend to stop for pedestrians. If there isn't a zebra crossing nearby I still would try and safely drive around them because while you have the best intentions of trying to ensure their safety by "chaperoning" their crossing your side of the road, what about vehicles coming in the opposite direction? And I've been in that situation before decades ago indicating to an adult pedestrian to cross at the lights when mine was green and hers was still a red man, not realising a car on my right lane was crossing the junction (thank God she saw the car and stopped). Yes, a difficult one ….

  • I believe the law might be that once the pedestrian has set foot on the zebra crossing, the motorist must stop for them until they have left the zebra crossing

    so if you're following the law you can tell the old lady where to shove it - this, not that ! ;-)

    I volunteered with childcare for 5 years where we'd regularly have groups like 35 kids with 5 or so adult carers waiting at crossings for green lights - often at ridiculous crossings like a quiet one-car-width lane where any adult would just look both ways, see no vehicles coming, and cross in 2 seconds

    what annoyed me was that 'following the law' - yet I saw no instruction from the adult 'educators' about looking left, right and left again before crossing - they'd just be let go like a flock of sheep all busy talking to each other as they crossed the road - none of them looking in either direction to check for oncoming or miscreant vehicle who might not stop - like I grew up being told - and always check myself - everytime.

    So I'm with you on this - your wife thinks they're protecting the child, but children who don't learn to look before crossing can end up sent flying - in a second.

    like this - https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7986329/Horrifying-… -
    or direct to video https://videos.dailymail.co.uk/video/mol/2020/02/10/66983687…

  • You're absolutely 110% correct. Some dkhead on a bike or car might under/over take due to be unsure why she stopped, which the kids won't be looking out for and your wife won't be able to prevent.

  • You contact the police, and you contact the school Principal.

    This behaviour makes it bad for all of us.

  • +2

    When driving on the road the most important thing to avoid accidents is to be predictable.

    Follow the road rules and do not deviate. Do not stop randomly to allow people to cross, or to wave other cars through when it's not their turn, or any other weird and unpredictable 'helpful' behaviours.

    Everyone will get where they are going faster and safer if we just follow the road rules.

    • ^^This needs more likes^^. Simple. Elegant. Useful.

    • Works if everyone "knows" the same road rules …!

      Car wants to turn left onto a major road. Pedestrian wants to cross a major road.

      If you are the Car - do you go first?

      If you are the Pedestrian - do you go first?

  • +1

    I would agree with you.

    The risks are two fold:

    • Risk to the children that they learn to expect this and a car doesn't stop one time.
    • Risk to your wife when she fails to check her rear view mirror sufficiently and a car behind her is not expecting her to stop.

    The only time that road rules should ever be ignored is in heavy traffic where you are letting people in from side streets so that they won't be stuck there for hours. That is just common courtesy.

    I HATE it when people give way to me in situations where they should not. When you don't follow the normal road rules you are breaking peoples internal driving programming and they are suddenly put in a new situation that they have not planned or organised for and it puts them into a fight or flight mode where they are not considering things around them. Highly likely to cause accidents.

  • No she's conditioning the kids for dangerous responses. You need to teach her a lesson and make up.

  • -6

    If any of you are driving like ****heads, I hope if you ever run over a child this thread is brought up as evidence. Of course I hope much more than you never run anyone over.

    • +1

      Maybe a little less caffeine would help?

      • -3

        Maybe a bit of humility and a regard for human life would help?

        Oh lookie a bunch of people downvoting on OzB. Who'd have thunk it.

        • Cheers mate.

          No one here is advocating dangerous driving or showing disregard for human life. Most of the conversation is discussing the subtle grey areas of road rules and how your decision making can impact other peoples decision making.

          Then you come in hear accusing people of murder and calling people names.

          The downvotes are the community letting you know that you need to chill out.

        • +2

          Probably reread the original post. Failing that, get someone to read and explain it to you before getting mad because you misunderstood the post.

          • @TEER3X: I didn't misunderstand the post at all. The other poster who said this guy is training himself to run over kids is right. The instinct should be caution. These kids are still learning, and regardless of which lesson you believe should be prioritized, putting them in a position where you might not stop in time because you're so use to not stopping is madness. These kids don't need to pay for their lives.

            Most people who drive aggressively and tout following the law think of themselves as superior drives. By definition half of us are below average. So some of these people are deluded.

            And in any case I was very VERY clear about what Is said. What I said applied to those driving like ****heads. 5 people and counting just put their hand up. By the way I never mentioned murder. But don't let facts get in the way of a good accusation.

            And no, none of us need to chill out where the lives of children are concerned. A car is one of the most dangerous things most people will ever control.

            • +1

              @syousef: So to be clear: you think not stopping in the middle of the street and waving at a pedestrian to make them cross in front of you is "driving like a ****head"?

              • -2

                @ssquid:

                So to be clear: you think not stopping in the middle of the street and waving at a pedestrian to make them cross in front of you is "driving like a ****head"?

                No I think a lot of people who claim to be driving sensibly aren't and this virtue signaling about teaching children road safety is an absolute joke.

                • @syousef: I think you need to re-read the opening post because the thread is about stopping to let pedestrians cross the road, not mowing them down if/when they step out in front of you.

                  • -3

                    @ssquid: I HAVE RE-READ. Here I'll even quote with empahsis.

                    "When I do the school runs and when I see kids trying to cross the street (not zebra crossing), I drive at a reduced speed (and do fully expect to stop should they walk out) BUT I do not stop for them to cross. I do this because I believe this helps them not to expect drivers to give way to them.

                    This isn't a damn video game. You aren't meant to test your skills and reflexes to work out if you can avoid the crossing school kids at the last second. Then the irresponsible posturing about "helping" these kids. The guy just doesn't want to stop and he's making excuses to justify it, despite knowing he's risking lives. No wonder his wife has an issue with it.

                    Play freakin' Frogger on your console, PC or phone, not on our roads out the front of a school with school kids' lives!!

                    • +1

                      @syousef: Mate, give it a rest please, I don't have many more neg votes to give you…

                      So my recent example was an older lady trying to cross the road on a blind corner. The car coming the other way had to brake relatively hard as she took one step on the road but noticed the car in time and stepped back. The car remained stationary and let her cross. I was driving in the other direction and saw it happening, saying to myself "don't do it lady, just cross at the intersection 20 metres further up" (where there is no blind corner and also a refuge island).

                      I told my wife I wouldn't have let the woman cross if I was that car, I would have driven on after braking/avoiding a possible collision and made her cross after me; perhaps also giving her some friendly advice to cross further up the road as I drove past.

                      This is where my wife got mad at me saying not to be a dick, it's not my place to try and teach a stranger anything, especially if she's older than me…what if it was a kid or my kid…blah blah blah.

                      • +2

                        @John Kimble: bruh, refer to the comment below lol. don't engage.

                      • -1

                        @John Kimble:

                        Mate, give it a rest please, I don't have many more neg votes to give you…

                        How often do you get a positive response from strangers that you tell to shut up? Nevermind after you've told them you've downvoted them? If you want me to get a completely negative opinion of you, that's a fantastic start.

                        So my recent example was an older lady trying to cross the road on a blind corner. … I told my wife I wouldn't have let the woman cross if I was that car, I would have driven on after braking/avoiding a possible collision and made her cross after me; perhaps also giving her some friendly advice to cross further up the road as I drove past.

                        Get off the road you utter maniac! That's not hyperbole. You're literally a menace. You have no idea if that lady can even see or hear you, and you already know she's not making sensible decisions about crossing (though her reasons may include pain you don't know about, which is a strong motivator). No doubt at all her reaction time is slower than yours.

                        Narrowly avoiding a collision when you h ave the option to drive defensively and avoid it by a wide margin makes you a TERRIBLE driver. You only have to get it wrong once to kill or maim someone. A good driver is a defensive driver.

                        This is where my wife got mad at me saying not to be a dick.

                        Listen to your wife!!!

                        it's not my place to try and teach a stranger anything, especially if she's older than me

                        It isn't, but more importantly, you are being a danger to everyone around you by behaving like that. If it were up to me I'd literally take your license from you.

                        blah blah blah.

                        Yeah great attitude, mate. A1 example of a good driver.

                        Bloody hell!

                        • +1

                          @syousef: Learn to read, I was an observer to this incident and was telling my wife if I was the car involved, how I would have handled it.

                          A pedestrian trying to cross the road on a blind corner is not a danger to everyone else?

                          • @John Kimble:

                            Learn to read, I was an observer to this incident and was telling my wife if I was the car involved, how I would have handled it

                            Learn to write and argue. You told me what your intentions were had you been the driver and that is what I responded to.

                            Unbelievable. But you know what the arrogance and lack of empathy are not even your biggest problem. You need to do a safe driving course.

                            • +1

                              @syousef: She was in good health, she was walking her dog to the dog park. She clearly could see/hear as she stepped backwards as the other car braked.

                              • @John Kimble:

                                She was in good health, she was walking her dog to the dog park. She clearly could see as she stepped backwards as the other car braked.

                                You can judge her eyesight and hearing from a distance from inside your car? And you could tell exactly what she saw from her reaction in that instant could you? Bloody amazing! Have you considered talking to someone in medical diagnostics about replicating that superhero feat? Because it would be really useful in health care. Are you willing to bet that old lady's life on that split second judgement?!? Clearly you are! What a model human being and super fine driver you are.

                                Stop talking. Really. Just stop talking. You're making yourself look terrible, with this utter drivel.

                                • +1

                                  @syousef: 😂 Sorry, I can't tell if you're trolling or not!

                                  • @John Kimble:

                                    Sorry, I can't tell if you're trolling or not!

                                    Of course you can't. You can't even tell that I had already read that you weren't the driver and that I was replying to your clearly stated intentions.

                                    I'll tell you what, go ahead and assume what you like about me. Go show this thread to someone who teaches a defensive driving course. Because I really couldn't give a crap what you think of me, but someone you'll listen to needs to set you straight.

                                    • @syousef: 😂 I need help? I'm not the one flipping out and attacking others…

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