Help Me Think of a Witty Comeback - Gender Stereotypes

Placebo on 02/10/2019 - 17:52

I'm seeking some help from the collective mind of Ozbargain.

I'm a woman who was recently fortunate to purchase the car of my dreams. This car does not fit the gender stereotypes for a female driver and as such it sometimes attracts unwelcome attention. This is usually in the form of some variation of "is that your boyfriend's car?". Yesterday it was a truck driving leaning out of his truck to ask if it was my boyfriend's car. I answered no, and after some time he formulated the gem "is it your dad's car?".

This has happened enough times now to grate on me and being gobsmacked every time it occurs I blunder like an idiot and politely tell them no. Now I'm sure these comments are just well intended attempts at conversing with me, but I find it quite gross.

Given that I don't want to obnoxious and just tell them straight to f-off, I would love the help of this community to formulate a pithy response for these times. I know Ozbargainers tend to excel at the witty response so I hope the collective can suggest a few gems to me.

Automotive

Comments

  • nahi11 on 02/10/2019 - 18:41

    How much did your boyfriend give you to buy it?

  • GangGang on 02/10/2019 - 18:42

    A couple of things you could do to stop people even asking the question. Letting them know a female owns the car.

    Getting a decal on the back or side window. You know those family decals that people stick on the window, just put a female decal.

    Pink licence plates.

    • bobbified on 03/10/2019 - 23:20
      +3

      You know those family decals that people stick on the window

      When I see those stickers, I instantly think "shit driver" and pay extra attention around them!

      • GangGang on 04/10/2019 - 08:23

        I haven't seen many lately.

        • bobbified on 04/10/2019 - 10:39

          I don't see many in Sydney, but there's a few around in the suburbs just outside Melb CBD .

  • SydStrand on 02/10/2019 - 18:43
    +49

    'The Jerkstore called, they're running out of you!'

    • mbck on 02/10/2019 - 22:01
      +1

      Hahaha ah I should rewatch that ep

    • GoldenDragon888 on 02/10/2019 - 22:05
      +3

      Yeah but when the they reply with “I heard you are there biggest seller.” What will you say?

    • carlJack on 04/10/2019 - 13:37

      Haha…Classic

  • wizzy on 02/10/2019 - 18:53
    +14

    I don't have an exact answer for you, but I can tell you how I respond to offensive and sexist comments that I receive.

    I am a blonde woman. People sometimes think it is very funny to tell me blonde jokes when they first meet me - both men and women. In response to these jokes I have learnt some brunette jokes. I have ones that are suitable for both men and women. If I meet someone and they tell me a blonde joke, I laugh and reply with one of my brunette jokes. They are usually shocked. This only works if the person is brunette of course, but so far I have only ever been on the receiving end of a blonde joke from a brunette. I am pretty sure that they get the message.

    • spackbace on 02/10/2019 - 19:02
      +35

      What do you call a smart blonde? A labrador!

      :)

      • spackbace on 03/10/2019 - 11:13
        +2

        2 negs - Found the blondes! ;)

        • Kangal on 04/10/2019 - 12:08
          +1

          It's 4 negs, and isn't neg voting anonymous?
          (if not, I too would like to play with power that I do not understand)

    • [Deactivated] on 02/10/2019 - 21:48
      +5

      Are you a natural blonde though? I know a brunette who dies her hair blonde and then get genuinely offended by blonde jokes.🤨

      • kranix on 02/10/2019 - 22:08
        +3

        I thought that was the point of blonde jokes… mocking the supposedly vain and vacuous nature of those who dye their hair blonde.

      • [Deactivated] on 03/10/2019 - 20:10
        +1

        *dyes
        My autocorrect had a blonde moment there.

    • bobbified on 03/10/2019 - 23:25

      People sometimes think it is very funny to tell me blonde jokes when they first meet me - both men and women.

      and

      …but so far I have only ever been on the receiving end of a blonde joke from a brunette.

      Wait - you said that both men and women sometimes tell you blonde jokes (so more than once…), but then you also say that you've only ever been on the receiving end from one single brunette?

      So have you received blonde jokes many times from different people or just once? :p

      • bmerigan on 03/10/2019 - 23:42
        +1

        "a" joke is told by "a" brunette

    • Some Human on 04/10/2019 - 17:32
      +2

      But brunette jokes aren’t even funny. Probably because blondes have to think them up.

  • Euphemistic on 02/10/2019 - 18:56
    +48

    Yeah, I’m just using it while he’s in prison.

    Nah, it’s Grandma’s

    Yeah, but he can’t drive a manual.

    • bringbring on 04/10/2019 - 05:14
      +1

      "Yeah, but he can’t drive a manual."

      This one cracks me up. Last few times moving house it was always a mate's gf driving the truck.

  • spackbace on 02/10/2019 - 19:03
    -4

    Just flip them the bird, simple yet effective, no need to even look at them

    • Nuclearvodka on 03/10/2019 - 00:16
      +3

      Not sure why the downvotes

      • Euphemistic on 03/10/2019 - 05:28
        +11

        That’s what bogans want. Some sort of aggressive reaction so they can escalate. Don’t give it too them.

        • Whisper Quiet on 03/10/2019 - 11:43
          +1

          Nobody gives the finger anymore. That went out of style in the 1990s. Only grandpa's do it now.

  • [Deactivated] on 02/10/2019 - 19:18
    +22

    Tell them it's your ex's and half the house is on its way.

    • Fredorishi on 03/10/2019 - 08:18
      +2

      Savage. Lol.

  • RM on 02/10/2019 - 19:35
    +2

    Tell them if they mind their own business..they could own one soon for themselves.

  • brendanm on 02/10/2019 - 19:52
    +5

    I bet the car is a Suzuki cappuccino

    • crentist on 02/10/2019 - 21:11
      +8

      I saw one of these driving around the other day, looked bloody awesome. I'd love to have one.

      But then some other pedestrian wasn't paying attention and swatted it with his newspaper. It was pretty brutal.

      • brendanm on 02/10/2019 - 21:40
        +3

        Oh no it would have been a write off :(

  • ozhunter on 02/10/2019 - 20:12
    +6

    This is usually in the form of some variation of "is that your boyfriend's car?".

    Reply with, "No, it's mine. "

    • fantombloo on 02/10/2019 - 20:43
      +3

      Yes this, or otherwise just respond as if you don't know what they're talking about.

      "Why would you think it's my boyfriend's?"

      And keep asking against any further questions / comments. They then get to the point they realise they are nonsensical, or otherwise that not everyone shares their "humour."

    • crentist on 02/10/2019 - 21:12
      +2

      Yea this is good. Simple conversation killer.

  • Almost Banned on 02/10/2019 - 20:40
    +44

    "is that your boyfriend's car?"

    "No, its your boyfriend's car".

    • Matt P on 04/10/2019 - 15:44

      This one right here

  • CheapskateQueen on 02/10/2019 - 21:01
    +1

    I can imagine how annoying that must be. Don't have anything funny to offer you. I'd just respond with 'No, but how very masculine of you to assume'

    • ozbjunkie on 03/10/2019 - 09:09
      +10

      Yes the best response to gender stereotypes is more gender stereotypes. Such feminine thinking.

      • [Deactivated] on 03/10/2019 - 09:48
        +4

        It's not feminine thinking.

        I respect true feminism. Not this third wave feminism, aka feminazi bull shit.

        A true feminist response would be, "No, it is mine. Perfectly compliments a lady doesn't it? Have a nice day."

        That achieves a level of dignity and class that is deserving of the showy ride, and still asserts oneself as belonging to the financial status the possession implies.

        • Zachary on 03/10/2019 - 10:14
          +1

          No, it is mine. Perfectly compliments a lady doesn't it? Have a nice day.

          Wow, that sounded very lady like.

        • ozbjunkie on 03/10/2019 - 11:32
          +2

          Yes my reference to feminine thinking was a snarky attempt at irony. I agree with you. But the reference to masculinity being presumptive was equally noxious.

        • MessyG on 03/10/2019 - 13:33
          +7

          Who do women have to be dignified though and not men? (Genuinely asking, not having a go).

          • [Deactivated] on 03/10/2019 - 13:46
            +3

            @MessyG: Both sexes should behave with dignity unfortunately it isn't an issue about genital type, it is an issue with some people be it male or female.

            In this particular instance, OP who is female wants to be treated with more respect yet wants to be able to show disrespect. I'm sure some people are thinking this is how one earns respect but as you probably know, it is how an argument starts where both parties look like yokles.

            • MessyG on 03/10/2019 - 13:51
              +4

              @[Deactivated]: It's true, there's no winning in this scenario. The behaviour needs to change with the person yelling out the car window (male or female) but that's not going to be modified by the stranger they're yelling at.

              • [Deactivated] on 03/10/2019 - 14:05
                -2

                @MessyG: The behaviour doesn't need to change. It isn't hurting anyone. If anything they are hurting their chances at a better partner, better friends, better life.

                • one man clan on 03/10/2019 - 14:15
                  +9

                  @[Deactivated]: Just because you say it's not hurting anyone doesn't mean it's not hurting anyone. You aren't the arbiter of hurt.

                  • [Deactivated] on 03/10/2019 - 21:40
                    -1

                    @one man clan:

                    You aren't the arbiter of hurt.

                    So who is? I accept that I am not but it seems like there is. When some people say there is hurt, it must be true but when others claim there isn't, it may be false.

                    Conveniently inconsistent.

                    • crentist on 04/10/2019 - 18:21
                      +3

                      @[Deactivated]: Mate I remember being taught this pretty much in kindergarten about bullying. If the way you behave towards someone else bothers them, you shouldn't behave that way towards them.

                      It may not be fun and carefree or whatever, but even if someone is being an absolute grump and makes it clear that they can't take even the softest joke, then it stops being a joke if you keep doing it to them.

                      In regards to strangers/public situations, there is always some inconsistency in who is hurt by some behaviour, which prevents hard rule from being drawn. But that just means it's up to you not to be careless when doing something that you know may be offensive and learn to judge a situation.

                      • bluesky on 05/10/2019 - 01:38
                        +2

                        @crentist:

                        Mate I remember being taught this pretty much in kindergarten about bullying

                        Cannot + this enough.

                        Some learn from the time of kindergarten to refrain from actions that hurt others. Others do not care to learn, because they are privileged by circumstances and fortune, not to be on the receiving end. Yet others have no incentive to learn – they quite enjoy the power of inflicting hurt on others.

                        Trying to inoculate oneself from being easily hurt is good advice. But so is having awareness and emotional intelligence to avoid hurting others unnecessarily.

      • CheapskateQueen on 03/10/2019 - 09:49

        that's the point mate.

  • crentist on 02/10/2019 - 21:16
    +4

    How about a bored/unimpressed "yea" while you start fiddling with the radio.
    So it would sound like the start of a sarcastic "yea good one" that you didn't bother finishing, so it's unclear if you answered the question or dismissed it.

  • crentist on 02/10/2019 - 21:21
    +6

    As you turn towards them: "haha No actually I don't have a boyfriend"
    Just as you've made eye contact: "Wait yea I do"

  • [Deactivated] on 02/10/2019 - 21:23
    +5

    Based on my wife's experience , just ignore them. The last thing you want is to irk some nutjob with plenty of time on their hands who then decides to tailgate ( and generally intimidate) you to teach you a "lesson".

  • mbck on 02/10/2019 - 22:02
    +2

    Start speaking chinese

    • TEER3X on 02/10/2019 - 22:15
      +2

      Do you mean Mandarin or Cantonese?

  • GoldenDragon888 on 02/10/2019 - 22:16
    +1

    I recall facing similar but instead of gender bigotry it was ageist. I drove a Volvo 145 station wagon in the 80s. The amount of people asking if it was my dad’s car was ridiculous. Also where your hat?

    Unfortunately I had lost her by the time the greatest come back any Volvo driver could say to a heckle came out. “They're boxy but they're good.”

  • sa-ozzie on 02/10/2019 - 22:22
    +1

    tell them no my b/f s got the pink mini or buy femdom number plate

  • H E B on 02/10/2019 - 22:47

    It seems like you may be suggesting you don't want to converse as you find elements of this conversation gross.

    If that's the case why not just get one of these decals, there are many similar ones around that I've seen. But from a female perspective I almost feel these people naively supports gender stereotypes anyway.

    Should you want to converse, I'm not sure what sort of wit/humour you're into but here's some I've used.

    No, it's my girlfriend's/sister/mother/grandmother's actually
    Very funny, what does your wife drive? (wait for answer). Yeah figures. Optional drive like a hoon take off if you are so inclined to want to challenge perceptions.

    • Placebo on 03/10/2019 - 17:50

      I'm inclined to agree with you about those decals.

  • thebadmachine on 02/10/2019 - 22:53
    +7

    Apparently this kind of extra ‘attention’ is what comes with owning a flashy / powerful car.
    I have heard from a few others that it is just part of the ownership of such a car, with other reactions being people approaching almost every-time you get out with ‘how much power / how fast is it’ questions, people taking photos with the car & leaning on it when it is parked, other drivers in sports cars revving / honking at you & other sports cars accelerating with wheel-spin then speeding past.

    Instead of ‘witty comebacks’ you will probably just have to learn to live with it and ignore the attention.
    If it really gets on your nerves or starts to affect your daily life, maybe get a commuter hatchback car for your daily commutes & drive the dream car on the weekends (you may also get to appreciate the vehicle more this way).

    Personally I have little interest in ‘performance’ or niche funky design cars, so I will likely be ignored just the same as all other ‘commuter’ car drivers.

    • Placebo on 03/10/2019 - 17:51

      Thanks, that's good advice. Happily, I have kept hold of my daily driver.

    • ribbonsofnight on 10/10/2019 - 23:24

      that's what the people with those cars want you to think. Actually they probably spend most of their lives driving around hoping someone cares.

  • Godric on 02/10/2019 - 23:05

    So…. what car is it? Come on…

    • pegaxs on 02/10/2019 - 23:15
      +1

      Mustang or Toyota 86/new Supra are my guesses… or a HiLux ute.

      • [Deactivated] on 02/10/2019 - 23:21
        -1

        My money is on a Silvia or GTS-T.

      • spackbace on 02/10/2019 - 23:47
        +3

        cough STi
        Brz wouldn't be considered the boyfriends car

        Funny coz I've known many girls to drive hotted up wrxs

        • pegaxs on 02/10/2019 - 23:49

          Bit of a “hairdresser’s” car the 86\BRZ, so maybe not.

          But that jacked up HiLux with all the off-road bullshit that will never see anything tougher than a soccer field parking lot is closer to the money on this one.

          • spackbace on 02/10/2019 - 23:50

            @pegaxs: Missed the link huh…? 😉

            • pegaxs on 02/10/2019 - 23:52
              +1

              @spackbace: I saw it, but from reading this post, I assumed it was a “new car” purchased recently… but that other thread says “happy to stay with Suby”, so WRX it may be… either way they would think she is a Lebo or a hairdresser in a WRX.

              • Bid Sniper on 03/10/2019 - 12:37

                @pegaxs: Very old stereotype, now they're all about the C63s br0

                • pegaxs on 03/10/2019 - 18:32

                  @Bid Sniper: Oh yeah. I see that all the time on Today/Tonight, A Current Affair, etc. Whenever there is something that involves the rougher end of the Lebanese community, it's with the AMG. Is the C63 enough, isn't it usually E series?

      • skywards on 03/10/2019 - 08:09

        I thought mustang too but then again it couldn’t possibly be a Ford F-150?

        • pegaxs on 03/10/2019 - 18:33

          I was driving around today looking at different cars and saw a Dodge Ram… That's got me thinking…

  • SlavOz on 02/10/2019 - 23:06
    +26

    You're offended at people not seeing you as a strong independent women, so in response you ask Ozbargain, a platform of mostly men, to help you craft a comeback to show the world how independent you really are.

    Sweetheart, words can't hurt you. Spend less time complaining about what others think and more time focusing on yourself. Nobody in society is exempt from social banter or jokes, especially men. Welcome to equal treatment.

    • MessyG on 03/10/2019 - 13:34
      +10

      I interpreted it as her asking for help from a group of guys she trusts for advice.

      There goes that idea.

    • HangryCakeStore on 03/10/2019 - 15:04

      Equal treatment would be when all Sports mix genders and not separated, but you'll see the Outrage here.. women just keep wanting more & more special preferential treatment

      • crentist on 04/10/2019 - 17:20

        Is that what you think equality is? Pretending that there are literally no differences between anybody?
        You may be confusing humans with a math equation

        • Freitag on 05/10/2019 - 07:08

          There are trans athletes that a genetically male competing against females… it’s already happening.

    • crentist on 03/10/2019 - 16:54
      +5

      She was asking for help coming up with a witty response to lame but frequent comments, so that she can make a good contribution to that social banter and jokes you mention.
      Nothing about being a strong independent woman or how those comments prevent or affect that in any way.

      It kinda seems like you just got offended by the idea of a woman speaking back.

      • SlavOz on 03/10/2019 - 19:29
        +2

        No, if you read her OP it's quite clear she has no intention of contributing to social banter. Rather, she's offended by it and wants to come up with a worthy insult to fight back with. That doesn't sound like good spirited intention.

        This is toxic thinking inspired by a third-wave feminist culture which claims women are being wronged if someone makes an assumption about them (unless that assumption is convenient to them, of course). It's not a healthy way to go about things. Watch a man walk into a lingerie store and count how long it takes for women to show that gender stereotype assumption they're so hostile of. It's not the end of the world. Deal with it.

        • crentist on 03/10/2019 - 20:05
          +6

          she wants to come up with a worthy insult to fight back with.

          Right, which is banter. It's not the same as telling people to f off like she would if she simply didn't want to contribute.

          The word "witty" is in the title. That clearly spells out she wants something funny, not just insulting. If it also happens to be insulting, all the better. As you said, "Nobody in society is exempt from social banter or jokes"

          Getting offended by a woman making a "witty comeback" in return to a lame joke is extremely oversensitive. Blaming that on "third-wave feminism" is some major fragile-ego weak boy nonsense.

          And I don't know what your point about a lingerie store is supposed to be but it seems like a terrible one.

          • SlavOz on 03/10/2019 - 22:22
            +1

            @crentist: The point is gender stereotypes exist everywhere among both sexes, many times to the advantage of women. Complaining about it shows how hypocritical and convoluted OP's sentiment is.

            Like I said, most rational people wouldn't interpret her OP as a willing intent for social banter but rather a raging vendetta against people she admits to finding "gross". There's nothing wrong with her answering back against such comments, I'm merely pointing out that her intention and outlook is not a healthy one. People should not be this vulnerable to the opinions of others.

            • crentist on 03/10/2019 - 23:12
              +2

              @SlavOz:

              most rational people would interpret her OP as … a raging vendetta

              Most rational people would rarely assume someone else is on a raging vendetta until they are practically mid-rampage. The possibility of a raging vendettas would barely cross the mind of rational people, but are probably right up front for the kind of nutjobs who experience life as one massive vendetta against something or other.

              Especially when the person on the "raging vendetta" has qualified and softened almost every negative expression they've used in a likely avoidance of angry expression. Such as:
              "unwelcome attention"
              "enough times now to grate on me"
              "gobsmacked"
              "politely tell them no"
              "well intended…but I find it quite gross"
              "I don't want to be obnoxious"
              "pithy response"

              These are not rage words. They aren't even particularly sensitive or vulnerable words. These are slowly losing patience words. The worst thing in there is the word "gross" which isn't even that bad, is an expression of disgust, not anger, and only comes after conceding that they mean to be good. Which is not a concession a raging person would make.

              How you manage to read that as some sort of blood-boiling manifesto is a scary reflection on your own sensitivities. That you've managed to twist it into an argument about the hypocrisy of some feminist agenda and a desire to be seen as a "strong independent woman" and take advantage of any other gender stereotypes makes it seem like your sensitivities are directed at women in particular.
              And the fact that none of that was actually in the OP just makes you seem like an oversensitive guy who is angry at girls for no particular reason, but just in general, to the point of being absolutely delusional about what any of them might say or do.

              Which, you know, you should not be that vulnerable, convoluted, or hypocritical. I'm sorry you don't feel comfortable in a lingerie store or whatever but that's not part of some coordinated feminazi subjugation. You are actually allowed in if you want.

              • SlavOz on 03/10/2019 - 23:29
                +2

                @crentist: Oh look, the sexist mysogonist argument. It didn't take long.

                Ask any qualified psychologist what OP should do to maximise her mood over this pressure and they'll all tell you to ignore it or perhaps ask yourself why other people's thoughts bother you so much. That's good advice. I'm sorry you feel differently.

                Like I said I have no problem with women speaking up, that's a baseless accusation. My gripe is that OP isn't happy that she was gender stereotyped instead of being seen as an independent woman, so in response she seeks the help of men on how to seem more independent. The irony there is blinding. She also showed disgust at the concept of gender stereotypes yet committed one herself by assuming most of the men here would be like the typical man who can conjure a dirty joke.

                • crentist on 04/10/2019 - 00:18
                  -1

                  @SlavOz:

                  Oh look, the sexist mysogonist argument. It didn't take long.

                  Sounds like you’ve been accused of it plenty of times before, if you were expecting it?

                  Dude there’s almost nothing in the OP that suggests she cares much about the stereotype of her car, or that she takes it personally. It sounds like she’s fine about it being seen as a masculine car and knew what she was getting, but that the comments about it are a bit too frequent and repetitive.

                  But there’s just so little about car ownership that defines a woman in particular as “strong and independent”. And so the comments she gets are about the masculinity of the vehicle, not her independence.

                  Which makes the premise of your criticism very weird because it’s barely even a thing. But also because if it that was the actual intention behind any of those comments, then they would actually be pretty bad. Because attacking the independence of a stranger is much nastier than an obvious comment about their car.

                  • SlavOz on 04/10/2019 - 08:50
                    +1

                    @crentist: Being accused of sexism isn't an accurate measure of sexism in this day and age. According to those who shout such labels, the mere act of finding a woman attractive makes you an objectifying, machoistic, toxic male who likely has Nazi connections too. Yiuve proved that yourself as - somehow you've suggested I'm a mysogonist because I don't believe women should have special treatment or go around and cause social disturbances as they please.

                    I'm not going to repeat what's already been made obvious to most people in this thread. From taking the time to vent on Ozbargain, to words like "gross" and "f-off", OP is clearly upset with good ol social banter. To claim otherwise is blind ignorance.

                    • crentist on 04/10/2019 - 11:30
                      +2

                      @SlavOz: No I pretty clearly outlined what was wrong with your words and how you seemed to be reading more into the situation than was really there.

                      Which, to ELI5 for you, is that none of your claims of feminism gone mad apply to this situation.

                      That wasn’t an accusation of misogyny, just that you’ve completely misinterpreted the situation and are throwing around labels and going to great lengths attacking those labels.

                      And now you think you’ve been labelled and have completely ignored everything else because you wanna play poor victim.

                      According to those who shout such labels…

                      The hypocrisy of shouting labels to attack (and aren’t even involved in the situation of discussion) and then attacking those same labels for shouting their own labels is so obvious that it seems very intentional.
                      Which is actually giving you credit, because the alternative is that you actually see the world as so glaringly one-sided and unrealistic and honestly come up with absolute nonsense like:

                      I don't believe women should have special treatment or go around and cause social disturbances as they please.

                      Because how is woman, or anyone, sitting in a car minding their own business and possibly not wanting to talk to others causing a social disturbance?

                • crentist on 04/10/2019 - 00:57

                  @SlavOz:

                  My gripe is that OP isn't happy that she was gender stereotyped instead of being seen as an independent woman, so in response she seeks the help of men on how to seem more independent. The irony there is blinding. She also showed disgust at the concept of gender stereotypes yet committed one herself by assuming most of the men here would be like the typical man who can conjure a dirty joke.

                  She pretty plainly asked for a "witty comeback" and you think she's on some sort of moral quest to stamp out misogyny and assert herself as an independent woman fighting for equality and an end to injustice in society. And then you're attacking her for not acting with nobility and crossing the sisterhood by deigning to ask men for help in her battle against the patriarchy.

                  When she obviously doesn't care about any of that and just went on a random forum so that next time she could have something ready to go like "no it's my car, but you are obviously driving your girlfriend's girly car". But funny.

  • Some Guy on 02/10/2019 - 23:15
    -1

    Take out a notepad and jot down their number plate. Then take their photo.

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