I wore your promise on my finger for a while...

[Deactivated] on 20/01/2015 - 20:32
Last edited 20/01/2015 - 20:40

now I don't want it, I don't want you.

So what do you do with that ring? Do you sell it? Do you give it back to the person who gave it to you?

Would you buy someone else engagement/wedding rings if it was a bargain and give it to someone you love? If you did, would you tell them where the ring came from?

A friend broke up with his fiancee. She didn't take it very well , smashed a few of his toys, including his car and left the engagement ring at the scene of the crime so he would know who did it. He doesn't want the ring and trying to give it to us in payment for room and board. He stayed over at our place for a week or so and then again the night of the 'incident'. We don't want it either for obvious reasons.

cheers,
JJB

General Discussion

Comments

        • [Deactivated] on 24/01/2015 - 15:25
          +2

          @rfm, you cannot always fix something that is broken. Sometime it is better for all parties concerned to walk away and start something new.

        • [Deactivated] on 24/01/2015 - 17:10
          +4

          @RFM, with all due respect, I think you might be sending the wrong message.

          To anyone who is in a toxic/abusive relationship, you don't have to stay in that relationship. Don't think that you have to try to convince your partner to love you, to respect you, to commit to you . You are better than that; you deserve better than that.

          And despite what RFM says, you are allowed to terminate a toxic relationship. You are allowed to walk away from someone who hurts you. You are allowed to be selfish, angry and unforgiving. You don't owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself.

          Signs of an abusive/toxic relationship

  • Tuesdaygal on 21/01/2015 - 09:04

    Is there a safe at your workplace? Then you and your boss can share responsibility for it. Check that work insurance will cover it as well. You may need to have a photo of it and also proper valuation done for insurance purposes.

    • JimB on 21/01/2015 - 10:35
      +2

      WTF???

      Why would the OP's boss want the responsibility of keeping it at his place of business or even pay to insure it?

      • Tuesdaygal on 21/01/2015 - 11:35
        +1

        Did you read all of JJB's comments before your spray?

        • JimB on 21/01/2015 - 11:44
          +1

          Yup I did. It seems the friend and OP work together.

          I still don't understand why the boss would consider it.

          A business would need to contact their broker to insure a ring and also install a safe.

          Jewellery isn't easy to insure at a business (unlike business stock or at home) as it's so easy get stolen at a business.

        • JLai on 21/01/2015 - 13:24

          @JB1:
          JJB had said, "The only other person I can think of that he could have given that ring to and they wouldn't immediately gotten it evaluated, would be our boss".
          Sounds like the boss had a very good relationship with his employees.

  • [Deactivated] on 21/01/2015 - 09:55
    +4

    IF he is driving a $500k car then I think he can afford to give away a $20k ring. Its not like they are going to give finance to a guy who can't afford the car. If my ex fiancee destroyed 500k of my property, I would be getting the cops and the lawyers involved.

  • blitz on 21/01/2015 - 10:29
    +81

    Look it sounds like this ring is causing a lot of trouble and without going into details I think I know why. I've seen a documentary about this and basically what you're going to have to do is take the ring to a big volcano and throw it in.

    • JimB on 21/01/2015 - 10:37

      lol!!

    • woz on 21/01/2015 - 12:26
      +3

      documentary… ROFL!

    • AssamLaksa on 21/01/2015 - 16:59
      +4

      i should NOT have read this comment while still at work… i literally LOL'ed in the middle of a quiet office…

      • lenlynn on 21/01/2015 - 20:19

        I just LOL-ed too. HAHAHA nice

  • JimB on 21/01/2015 - 10:42

    Just bury it for a while.

    Once it's confirmed they are over or when his friend wants it back, give it back to him. If he refuses to take it back, go and pawn it and keep half of the $$$ for your troubles.

    The diamond will then it cleaned up and regraded by GIA etc and then sold as new to the next man who wishes to marry his GF.

    TBH I think he dodged a bullet, ex-fiance and her family sound like nut bags.

    • lenlynn on 21/01/2015 - 20:20

      And remember to PM me where you buried it and I can tell you if it is a safe-enough spot.

    • mad__llama on 22/01/2015 - 15:19

      and then sold as new to the next man who wishes to marry his GF

      Wait, what? Does that really happen?!

      • JimB on 23/01/2015 - 10:38
        +1

        Of course it does. But jewelers don't want to tell you this as it's not very romantic is it?

        They aren't going to grind up a $10,000 one carat D colour flawless diamond to use in saw blades just because it has been used.

        When you think about it, once it's been cleaned and polished, who would ever know it's been 'used'?

        Same as gold, and other precious metal. The engagement ring could be constructed from gold that was a rapper's tooth in a past life! lol

  • This Guy on 21/01/2015 - 11:30
    -4

    Jar Jar

    Please STOP posting your mate's private downfall for Ozbargin's entertainment.

    People make mistakes. Publicly humiliating your mate is wrong.

    You have slandered your mate with:
    X
    X
    X
    X
    X

    And given enough information for anyone to work out who the guy is with:
    X
    X

    (I'm not reposting these points)

    Don't get me wrong, I think you are an awesome writer.

    You seem like a great friend. But this forum is public. Asking for advice here is only going to further humiliate your friend.

    • woz on 21/01/2015 - 12:42
      +1

      I think you're overreacting a tad. Unless the people on this forum personally know someone that USED TO drive a McLaren, or work in the same office as the OP, the name of which we haven't been told in this thread, I really can't see how "ANYONE" would be able to work out who the guy is.

      Imagine if the news was reported this way.

      Today, a man (or woman) aged between 15 and 85 was allegedly involved in a car accident somewhere in Australia. Further details pending a thorough investigation by our legal department. Police would like to ask any potential witnesses to come forward. If anyone has seen a car accident somewhere in Australia involving at least one person aged between 15 and 85, please call crimestoppers.

      And no, I wasn't the one that negged you.

      • danield on 21/01/2015 - 13:13
        +1

        How many people drive a McLaren… its not a very common car. If anyone knows of some acquaintance or some company Sales rep that drives a McLaren, its going to be easy to pin point to an individual then say if it was a Beamer or even a Ferrari.
        I gotta say Ive never actually ever seen a McLaren on the streets, so if I heard of someone I knew by 6 degrees of separation driving one, yeah I'ld know exactly who it was.

        • woz on 21/01/2015 - 14:35

          I've never seen one either, and he USED TO drive one. But unless you either know the person who used to drive a McLaren or know someone else that knows who used to drive a McLaren, then there's those six degrees of separation you've pointed out.

          Is it possible for perhaps one person on this board to know who it is? Certainly. Is it possible for EVERYONE to know who it is based on what's in this thread? Ridiculous.

          The poster above claimed two pieces of info only allows ANYONE to know who it is. I think that's complete bullshit. How we're ALL able to discern who it is from just two items of information is beyond me.

        • danield on 21/01/2015 - 15:19
          +1

          @woz:

          I don't think 'this guy' was implying that everyone on this forum would no who it is, more so that the information he being given might lead to someone being able to work it out if someone on this forum happens to run in simliar circles etc..

          I didnt get all the way through the bacholor party thread, but can also see a simlarity there, it might not be hard to figure it out if you happen to be part of close to this guy.
          Although the $$$ being quoted, it's a wonder why even the OP is an Ozbargain regular.

        • [Deactivated] on 21/01/2015 - 19:50

          @danield:

          Although the $$$ being quoted, it's a wonder why even the OP is an Ozbargain regular.

          :(

        • lenlynn on 21/01/2015 - 20:22

          @Jar Jar Binks: Hmm maybe you are an ozbargain regular, that's why there's the $$$ being quoted?

        • [Deactivated] on 21/01/2015 - 23:27

          *than

    • [Deactivated] on 21/01/2015 - 16:02
      +2

      He knows I write about him on here. I showed him the previous thread . He didn't mind it. He can be quite narcissistic in that way.

      • [Deactivated] on 22/01/2015 - 09:26
        +6

        The previous thread about him was the bucks party?

      • This Guy on 22/01/2015 - 23:31
        +3

        Cool. Sorry for being harsh. My post looked nowhere near as dickish to me when I wrote it.

        • [Deactivated] on 23/01/2015 - 08:40

          @This Guy, didn't think it was dickish. Thought u raised a fair point:-)

        • [Deactivated] on 23/01/2015 - 10:58

          @Jar Jar Binks: So did my wife…which is why she got me a 'thought' journal and pen. so that I can write down all those thoughts bubbling up in my head instead of posting them on ozbargain.

        • ProjectZero on 23/01/2015 - 11:22

          @Jar Jar Binks:

          But mate, it's more fun to share with the world =)

          Hell I want to live vicariously through you, sounds fun ;)

        • [Deactivated] on 23/01/2015 - 11:26
          +3

          @ProjectZero: I asked for sex and I got a journal and a pen :'(

        • ProjectZero on 23/01/2015 - 11:30

          @Jar Jar Binks:

          Your Pen Is mightier on here than in your journal.

          =P

        • [Deactivated] on 23/01/2015 - 12:00

          @Jar Jar Binks: Reminds me of a beloved Morrissey pic :P

        • [Deactivated] on 23/01/2015 - 12:12
          +4

          @waterlogged turnip: lol. Great mind think alike :b I was actually going to link to this image but then thought better of it.

  • thord on 21/01/2015 - 11:50
    +3

    I sure hope the police are involved. I don't give a (profanity) how upset you are, you don't destroy property like that.

    Anyway, about the ring. Rings instantly lose a hell of a lot of their value once they're sold. If it was a 20k retail ring, good luck getting $10k for it, if that.

    I don't have any superstitions about it, it's not cursed, plenty of people feel similar and would buy a second hand ring.

    Honestly though, for the moment, don't do anything. Just hold onto it for a few months until this shit blows over. Your friend has bigger issues to deal with, don't bring up the ring, just focus on the bigger problems he has and help with that. The ring should be locked in a safe and forgotten.

  • Scrooge McDuck on 21/01/2015 - 14:22

    What kind of car was damaged?

    Your mate should be sending the offender a statement of claim.

    Juvenile behaviour from adults shouldn't be tolerated.

  • CVonC on 21/01/2015 - 15:00
    +3

    So much for that epic bucks night eh

  • johnno07 on 21/01/2015 - 16:34

    Wait a minute… he used to drive a McLaren… and she wrecked his car… please tell me that is not linked.

    • [Deactivated] on 21/01/2015 - 19:53

      there was also the mention of a hammer.

      • johnno07 on 22/01/2015 - 00:55
        +2

        This hurts me.

  • Diesmile on 21/01/2015 - 17:23
    -8

    i am sorry, he used to drive a McLaren and the ring was only 20k?

    i don't want sound bad, but i only earn an average wage, and i bought my wife an almost 18k ring at sydney CBD when we went there for a weekend.

    people use to say up to 3 months of your wage, but seriously only 20k from a McLaren driver?

    • Scrooge McDuck on 21/01/2015 - 17:46
      +5

      You spent 18k on a ring?

      I could retire on 18k!

      • Diesmile on 21/01/2015 - 18:15

        lol what kind of life style would that be? no offense.

        i think it is kind of waste to put 18k on a ring, but i love my wife and i think i will spent my life with her, so 18k in a life time is prob not much at all.

        • Scrooge McDuck on 21/01/2015 - 23:59
          +6

          Consider what else you could've done with 18k:

          Like spending 1k on a ring, 17k in an index fund returning 1k–2k pa which you could use on other pieces of jewellery, other gifts and weekends away, for life.

        • Wampus on 22/01/2015 - 15:49
          +1

          @Scrooge McDuck: Agreed. I spent $4k on a ring for my fiancee, I worked my bum off for months to save the extra. It's a stunning ring and she and I love it. My mind spins thinking of $20k rings.

        • Diesmile on 22/01/2015 - 17:51
          -4

          @Scrooge McDuck:

          na, 1k for a ring, that is not acceptable.

          it is my way of showing my love which i think it is worth it.

          that's how life should be, sure you can buy a corolla and drive it for 10 years, but i am rather buy a 70k luxury car and work harder to get the money.

          you can't get rich by saving, you get rich by getting higher pay.

        • Scrooge McDuck on 22/01/2015 - 19:15
          +7

          @Diesmile:

          na, 1k for a ring, that is not acceptable.

          I couldn't love someone who valued such a tiny and virtually useless piece of jewellery so much.

          it is my way of showing my love which i think it is worth it.

          I hope that my love is self-evident without needing to ascribe it to a material object. But I have plenty of ways to manifest it that don't revolve around purchasing something.

          you can't get rich by saving, you get rich by getting higher pay.

          Sorry but that's just absurd. However, our economy thrives on that mentality so thank you.

        • [Deactivated] on 22/01/2015 - 19:23

          @Scrooge McDuck:

          But I have plenty of ways to manifest it that don't revolve around purchasing something.

          Now that's a true ozbargainer :) Care to share some of those ways?

        • Scrooge McDuck on 22/01/2015 - 19:24
          +1

          @Jar Jar Binks:

          I think that's a topic for a new thread…

           >Ducks out of the spotlight.

        • [Deactivated] on 22/01/2015 - 19:34
          +4

          @Scrooge McDuck:
          I was asking because the first thing that came to my mind was sex… and then the second thing was sex and so was the third thing.

          So if anyone who loves me is reading this thread and want to "manifest" their love to me…I'm a very easy man to please :b

        • [Deactivated] on 22/01/2015 - 21:31
          +1

          @Jar Jar Binks: Then this is your lucky day.You get the number 4 item on the list.Enjoy! :)

        • [Deactivated] on 23/01/2015 - 00:42
          +4

          @Diesmile:

          na, 1k for a ring, that is not acceptable.

          it is my way of showing my love which i think it is worth it.

          that's how life should be,

          'Not acceptable'? 'that's not how life should be'?

          Who or what on earth dictates that? Do you really live in a world inside your head where there are these absolute rigid rules of what is 'right' and 'wrong' as if they're moral choices?

          That's sad, man.

        • [Deactivated] on 23/01/2015 - 00:45
          +4

          @Scrooge McDuck:

          I couldn't love someone who valued such a tiny and virtually useless piece of jewellery so much.

          Aye. Or someone who felt such a need to conform to arbitrary nonsense, like social expectations that have been shaped through advertising.

        • [Deactivated] on 23/01/2015 - 06:49

          @wicket1120 :-(

        • smartazz104 on 23/01/2015 - 15:10

          @waterlogged turnip:

          "Who or what on earth dictates that?" The wife of course…

    • lenlynn on 21/01/2015 - 20:25
      +3

      I always thought the 3 months rule applies to people who wants to show off? I mentioned it to my partner while discussing the price range and he replied, "Oh I better propose now before my salary increases."

  • kaizen on 21/01/2015 - 17:45

    lol 18k/20k ring, u ballers…

  • Bonsaichop on 21/01/2015 - 18:24
    +3

    I'd buy it. And i'm sure my partner wouldn't be upset to know I got it for a bargain either. Could not afford an $18k ring as i've been paying off my parents mortgage for the past 6 years and still have 3 years left putting everything I earn from my business into getting it paid and them sorted. We live with them to support them which is our own special kind of hell (read: https://www.ozbargain.com.au/node/158649)

    It's not a sob story, it's just our situation. If you are serious about selling it and if your friend ever surfaces again, send me a message and what you want for it.

  • DEvok on 21/01/2015 - 20:33
    -2

    That car ain't that expensive especially bought at second hand.
    But striking someone's car is wrong, I would report it.

    • [Deactivated] on 21/01/2015 - 21:35
      +3

      That car ain't that expensive especially bought at second hand.

      Says an OzBargainer about a McLaren? :P

    • [Deactivated] on 21/01/2015 - 23:29
      +1

      How much do you think is not expensive? The cheapest Mclaren for sale in Australia is a second hand one for $350,000. That is a lot for a car in anyone's language.

    • johnno07 on 22/01/2015 - 00:57
      +1

      That car ain't that expensive especially bought at second hand.

      ESPECIALLY second-hand? Implying that it was also apparently cheap new? Riiiiightiio.

      • [Deactivated] on 22/01/2015 - 16:40

        He didn't get the credit approval for the McLaren that he truly wanted pic So afaik, that one is still in mint condition if DEvok wants it:b

        • [Deactivated] on 23/01/2015 - 01:14

          Calling BS on this whole thread. The car in the picture isn't available in Australia. The P1 is LHD only and not sold here for road use. They had a scale model in Mclaren Melbourne a few weeks ago, but one has never been run in anger here. It's also blindingly obvious from your photo that the pictured mclaren is in London. Also, I really doubt you can get finance on a P1, it cost more than most people's houses, not only are they sold out completely, but the ones that are being flipped are going for around 2 million Euros now.

        • [Deactivated] on 23/01/2015 - 06:51

          @thorton82: He drove a P1 while he was in Taiwan and he couldn't stop raving about it. I vaguely remember him saying that he had seen some photographic evidence that there was at least one P1 in Aus despite the McLaren sales team denying that there was ever any sold here. While he was trying to track down the car, he also applied for finance and was told that there was no freaking way they were going to give him that kind of money. He bought the 12c instead.

          Edit: pic was one I've found online. The one which was allegedly spotted in Queensland was yellow or had yellow stripes. Can't quite remember.

        • [Deactivated] on 23/01/2015 - 12:49

          @Jar Jar Binks: Bullshit. Mclaren can't sell the P1 in Australia as you can't drive LHD cars here. This thread smells to high heaven. You can't apply for finance on a car that doesn't have a price.

        • CVonC on 23/01/2015 - 13:29

          @Jar Jar Binks:

          Update: A contact of our has spoken to McLaren and it appears that it is indeed a fake/photoshopped photo. Move along folks. Nothing to see here.

        • [Deactivated] on 23/01/2015 - 13:52

          @CVonV:
          I've linked to that article , which I've found after a quick google search, to point out that there was indeed a rumor in early 2014 that a P1 was spotted in Brisbane and that there's also a RHD version. I did mention above that my mate had contacted the McLaren sales team and that they said that there hasn't been a single P1 sold in this country.

        • [Deactivated] on 23/01/2015 - 14:07
          -1

          @Jar Jar Binks:

          There is no RHD version made, that car is as fake as this thread. Post a photo of his damaged 12C to prove me wrong. Its not like he wouldn't have photos.

  • shaybisc on 21/01/2015 - 21:02
    +2

    She knew exactly how to inflict the most pain- a swift kick to the penis extension- ouch.

  • yk300 on 22/01/2015 - 08:00

    keep it for now. When the situation calms down, then give it back to him.

  • pongie on 22/01/2015 - 09:13

    Take it to the casino and put it all on black. Double or nothing.

  • forever saving on 22/01/2015 - 09:14
    +3

    Godammit isn't anyone else interested in why he broke with her this close to the wedding!?

    • llllllllllllll on 22/01/2015 - 11:12
      +4

      Maybe he's Zack?

      • happychild100 on 23/01/2015 - 14:25

        Zack, ruining marriages all over the world.

      • cheng2008 on 24/01/2015 - 02:42

        igotthatreference.jpg

  • [Deactivated] on 22/01/2015 - 11:08

    The one ring to ruine them all.

  • konazz on 22/01/2015 - 15:55

    Does OZB have a function to subscribe to a user… would love to see more of Jar jar's threads - I nearly missed the bucks party one previously

    • [Deactivated] on 22/01/2015 - 16:50
      +2

      JJB is hoping to have a very peaceful, almost boring life from now on:)

  • shaybisc on 23/01/2015 - 07:45
    +2

    I can't see the point of a car like that. You can't drive it fast. You can't even leave it parked unattended for fear of it getting keyed or worse.

  • BuyoTheCat on 23/01/2015 - 12:29
    +1

    Think of all the disappointed guys for the bucks party.

    Maybe he should get another mclaren

    http://www.shopmaclarenbaby.com/Twin-Techno/MV000069,default…

  • 2ndeffort on 23/01/2015 - 14:31
    +1

    Geez, just read through about 1/2 of this, I reckon sell the ring to pay for web hosting fees on this thread!

    • ProjectZero on 23/01/2015 - 15:11

      Better yet, get a web hosting server and make a website called "The life of [insert name here]…"

      A bajillion subscribes right a way ;)

  • shaiguy on 23/01/2015 - 17:41

    Ok… next important questions:

    1. How much should an Ozbargainer PAY for an engagement ring for their partner?

    2. How much should an Ozbargainer EXPECT their partner to pay for their engagement ring?

    • [Deactivated] on 23/01/2015 - 17:56

      3.Does it need to be a real mined diamond? Would your fiancee, or more importantly, her social circle be able to tell the difference between say a mined diamond and a man-made one?

    • shaybisc on 23/01/2015 - 18:38

      Should a feminist buy their intended an engagement ring?

      • [Deactivated] on 23/01/2015 - 18:44

        @shaybisc, how do you define a feminist?

        • shaybisc on 23/01/2015 - 18:49
          +1

          Someone who wants to be treated equally.

        • shaybisc on 23/01/2015 - 19:14
          +3

          The engagement ring is a relic of the old patriarchy. I claim this property , my woman, with this ring- NO TRESPASSING!

          "Historically, engagement rings had a very clear purpose: to claim property. Once a woman had a ring, she was part of the contract made between her and her fiancé’s family.

          The custom of laying down an engagement ring was something rich people did in an era when marriage was recognized for what it really is: a business contract.

          Then, engagement rings functioned as a sort of retainer — a lease-a-womb scheme, if you will. The unspoken part of the deal was that an engagement often allowed for a sampling of the goods.

          A broken engagement was like a business deal gone bad: there were economic consequences and the injured party (the woman, who was acknowledged to be more vulnerable) was entitled to compensation.

          Basically, the diamond ring used to be collateral for women because if her wedding was called off, she would be damaged goods."
          http://www.bustle.com/articles/6508-the-real-history-of-the-…

          It beats me why a modern, independent, working women would want one given to her, unless she was giving one in return, or splitting the cost. Mind you, I am a man.

          Also
          http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/weddings/200…

        • scrimshaw on 23/01/2015 - 20:53
          +4

          @shaybisc:

          It beats me why a modern, independent, working women would want one given to her, unless she

          Unless she lives a rich celebrity like materialistic lifestyle and is easily pressured by her peers to own nice expensive things?

          Big expensive engagement and wedding rings are a product of big hollywood propaganda and clever advertising. The more expensive the brand, the higher your status. The ring is no longer used to 'claim ownership' of a woman (the feminists will beat you black and blue if that you say that you can claim ownership of a girl by simply putting a ring on her finger) rather the purpose of the ring has been romanticised so that it now rather represents a guy's devotion to a girl.

          After all, if you spend loads of man-hours working to earn money to afford that expensive $20,000 Tiffany & Co ring, you must REALLY love her a lot.. that is the sort of message that is being sent nowadays.

          Of course, anyone who judges their partner's love by the size of a stupid piece of jewelry is extremely shallow, materialistic, and would probably be incapable of living within modest means if necessary. Sadder still is people like this exist..

    • [Deactivated] on 23/01/2015 - 23:33
      +1

      How much should an Ozbargainer PAY for an engagement ring for their partner?
      How much should an Ozbargainer EXPECT their partner to pay for their engagement ring?

      $0 and no I'm not a tightarse. I was a poor student. I barely had enough money to pay for the taxi to take my then gf and I to Tulla airport, where she was going to board a plane which would take her 8500km away from me , to a tiny island-nation in the middle of the Indian Ocean.

      I remember giving her a final hug and thinking, what are the chances that I would ever meet someone like her? Someone I could spend hours talking to and yet never run out of things to say , someone I could trust to always have my back even when she didn't agree with me; someone I could love forever, someone who could forever love me back? And what do I do when that person was born half a world away? The math seemed impossible …and it downed on me: the entire universe must have conspired to help me find her.

      So I did what any reasonable person in my shoes would have done..actually that's not true. Any reasonable person would just have blurted "Please don't go! Marry me!" and even though I have told a few people that is what I said, that is not ALL that I said.Being the weoirdo that I was (am?),I prefaced those words with an urgent and impassioned whispered declamation of a poem by Yeats. Yes! I did :( I doubt any other self-respecting man has ever done that before.

      Anyway, she stared at me for what felt like an eternity and then she turned around and walked in the direction of the boarding gate.

      • cheng2008 on 24/01/2015 - 02:53

        Are we talking about wicket here or is this an embarrassing ex story?

      • bluedufflecoat on 24/01/2015 - 03:24

        I've read this story before… just can't remember when / where… have you written something like this before a long time ago?

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