Hookers and Beers. an OzBargainer's Dilemma

Final edit

Thank you everyone for being so generous with your advice, views and insider knowledge on love, sex, friendships, women, money, traps and cats. Much appreciated.

I'm broke, there's not one single hooker in sight and I'm having a beer with my mate. Life can't get any better than this. We can close this thread now.

p.s:@GaryQ thanks for the link mate.I might have found a way to earn that $400 back after all ;)


Let's say you have an unlikely friendship with a colleague at work. You are a happily married man and he is …well.. a slu-erm-someone with a very active sex life. You are half-horrified by the things he gets up to over the weekend and half-fascinated.

Out of the blue, he tells you he's getting married to a woman who is stunningly beautiful and rich but quite cold and insipid and may or may not have made a pass at you the first and only time she's met you.

Anyway, you are invited to the official buck's night, which is being organised and paid for by the father of the bride.However there is also an unofficial buck's night and you get an invite. The rules are:
1) You do not talk about the unofficial buck's night
2) you do not talk about the unofficial buck's night
3)tell your SO that you're going away for a 2-day business trip.
4)You're also required to contribute $400 to go towards the night's 'entertainment'.Flights and accommodation are extras, although he has kindly offered to let you stay at his cousin's place.

Your wife is cool with strippers (because she trusts you) but way less cool about one giving you a lap dance.Fair enough.

Unfortunately you find out after agreeing to go and handing over the money,that the step-father of the groom-to-be has 'donated' $8000 so that the strippers can be upgraded to hookers.

So what do you do?

1)Ideologically, you're a feminist and the father of a little girl, so you really don't want to have anything to do with that 'event'. You ask for your money back( $400 can buy you a hell of a lot of stuff on ozbargain) and you don't care that you're going to look like an uncool, fun-hating, tight-assed miser.

2) As a happily married man, who wants to remain a happily married man , hookers are your natural enemies. You keep away from them the way a mice would keep away from a big tomcat. However your mate is not a yet a married man and the women who will be involved in the 'event' will be consensual adults.You can't go but what the heck? You can shout your mate a free hooker for his stag night, can't you?

3)You have full faith in your ability to stay out of trouble while being drunk and with lots of nubile, naked women adept in the art of seduction flocking around you. Technically that shouldn't be hard cos you're madly in love with your wife but there's that saying about how the way to hell …


Edit
TL;DR: This is NOT a moral dilemma. I am not asking if I should have sex with a bunch of hookers. That's not happening.I'm married and I don't pay for sex.
This is an ozbargainer's dilemma. What do I do about the $400? Do I ask for it back? Do I give it to him as a present (we're also giving him and his bride an official wedding present)? Do I go because I've paid for it?


Edit 2

The Wife comes across this thread. She kisses me,says " Go! my faith in you is totally justified" and smiles sweetly at me. She SO TOTALLY reverse psychologying me! …unless she's reverse, reverse psychologying me? o.O so that she can use this 'event'like a sword of Damocles that will hang over my head for the rest of my life! Hard to tell with women. They can be so devious sometimes.

I come out of the shower this morning and who do I find sitting there on my kitchen floor, playing with my kids and having a friendly chat with the Wife? My mate from work! The one who is soon to be getting married to a stunning,insipid, flirty blonde and the reason for my dilemma. He looks like shite: good-looking, expensively dressed, nice-smelling shite, so neither me nor the wife has heart to kick him out.He invites himself for breakfast and later stands by the door with me, cradling my cat, who appears to have taken quite a liking to him, and waves my wife and kids off.

I close the door.He puts the cat down, hands me 8 X $50 notes,laughingly says "I knew you'd chicken out, you wimp." and gives me a friendly tap on the shoulder. He's not wrong.

Anyway, he's currently sleeping in my guest bedroom.I'm quickly packing my stuff to go to work.The Wife will deal with him when she gets home. That sounds bad but in my defence,
i)I did ask the mate if he was under the influence of drugs, alcohol and/or is wanted by the cops and he promised he's not;
ii) and the Mrs has a degree in a pschology and is a social worker. So she's highly qualified to deal with people in emotional distress. I, on the hand, I'm socially inept.

Thanks everyone for your inputs. I'm off to work.

Poll Options

  • 146
    Don't go, ask for your money back.
  • 9
    Don't go, shout your mate a free hooker.
  • 92
    You'll be fine.They cant tempt you : you'll sit in a corner singing "ice ice baby"
  • 7
    Other (honestly can't think of any other options)

closed Comments

  • I'm thinking of going option 1 or 2.

    • +15

      Keeping up with the spirit of all of us here who love a bargain, why don't you post it as a deal. Pay you $200 and go on your behalf?

    • I'm ended going with option #4: pay my wife to sort things out for me. So I'm still $400 out of pocket :(

      • Who knows, your $400 might now be spent on a weekend that you could gossip to your mate about! :D

        (edit: to be clear: now wicket knows that you're semi-intrigued at what your mate gets up to, she might put a show on for you!)

        • +1

          Highly unlikely considering that mate wants to stay over "for a couple of days, until he gets back on his feet." O.O Can't keep hiding in my office any longer. The cleaners are giving me the evil eye. Going home to face the music sigh

        • @Jar Jar Binks: …Good luck.

        • @rompastompa, wait what? He should be so lucky. He can put on a show for me. A re-enactment of a shakespearen play maybe?:b

        • @GaryQ: I've had a quick flick through Midsummer Night's dream. Does
          "Thou art my love (…)
          My cherry lips have often kissed thy stones"

          mean what I think it means? or is it just my dirty mind?

        • +1

          @Jar Jar Binks:

          Spend the $400 on cricket instead. Imagine how much fun you'd have at say, 3 wickets for 400…

        • +1

          @woz:

          3 wickets for 400

          ROFL! 1 is more than I can handle :b

    • where is option 5 that says: screw it, screw the hooker.
      jk lol

  • +18

    TL;DR - this is gonna end up spiralling into a string of posts about how sexy your wife is and how fulfilled you are (completely with unnecessary detail), and probably something cheesy thrown in like 'all the hookers in the world could never make me as much of a happy man as I am at home with my family'…. amirite?

    :P

    • +3

      Hello stranger! New year, same old, funny, witty you :)

      all the hookers in the world could never make me as much of a happy man as I am at home with my family

      Now that's a good line I could use if I do follow your advice and go with option 3. I am staggered by your faith in me Turnip :p

      • Hope you know I was just being a smart-arse before. I'd read the whole post - just didn't really know what advice to give (or what I'd do if I were in your position) :)

        Re: the party/money. I reckon go to the bucks if you're actually keen (presuming it's definitely okay with Mrs JJB), even if it's just for the lolz of watching the other blokes make tits of themselves…

        but if you aren't even that keen on attending to begin with, then ask for the money back. $400 is a decent amount of cash. Unless your workmate is an arse, he should be understanding and not even question it. Is giving $400 plus a wedding gift normal? (genuine question - I haven't been to many weddings at all lol) cos that sounds freaking generous. Knowing you're already giving them gifts should make it easier on your conscience (seeing as you feel embarrassed) to ask for the money back without feeling bad. If $8k is being 'donated' to the party, I doubt they'll feel the pain of someone pulling out with their $400 contribution :P

        • Hope you know I was just being a smart-arse before

          Of course… I would hate to think that I am that insufferable:p

        • If $8k is being 'donated' to the party, I doubt they'll feel the pain of someone pulling out

          You got that right!

  • you read this from a book or movie right? unlikely friendship, very active sex life, very beautiful but cold and insipid bride who makes a pass at you, combined orgy/bucks night etc one at a time, i could believe, but all together?!
    ps you revealed your true feelings right at the start, "You are half-horrified by the things he gets up to over the weekend" so i guess you take option 1!

    • unlikely friendship, very active sex life, very beautiful but cold and insipid bride who makes a pass at you, combined orgy/bucks night etc

      a once in a lifetime opportunity, heh? ..and you want me to decline and ask for a refund?! ;)

      Tbh, I'm really embarrassed to ask for the money back.

      • +1

        Since she has made a pass at you, and technically she isn't married yet either…
        Go to hers with your wife - threesome!

  • +2

    3)tell your SO that you're going away for a 2-day business trip.

    Purely based on this condition, I would err on not going. It's just not right to lie to your SO about things like this. Really, if you're lying about something, you know you're not supposed to be doing it.

    • +4

      Let's face it, I've already broken the first 2 rules by writing about it on a public forum. So I wouldn't have to lie to the wife.
      I realised, after re-reading my post, that I live vicariously through my mate.I think, for once, I would like to be part of the story instead of just being told about it a couple of days later….

      • I would like to be part of the story instead of just being told about it a couple of days later

        Then you should go :)

        • @ are you trying to reverse psychology me , you?o.O

        • @Jar Jar Binks: It's a trap. Your wife will use this for everything.

          Why don't you take out the garbage, even though I let you have your fun? Why don't you do the dishes, even though I let you have your fun? I even let you go have your fun and you don't even do [Insert tedious housekeeping stuff here] for me?

          Am I being horrendous and giving your wife ideas?

        • +1

          @AznMitch: I hear loud and clear buddy! This is what's going on in my head right now. I better call it a night.

  • +2

    Don't go. You're going to give more things that your S.O. can complain when she gets angry at you. S.O. being fine with it now doesn't mean that it won't be brought up later. Also, as you said, if you have to lie about it, you know that you are risking something as well.

    In short, it's a trap*.

    *Youtube link with sound.

    • This. Could be a trap.

  • +1

    Be a smart way to multiply that 8k. nice little secret to have over you all

  • +8

    Wouldn't go. Let people who shouldn't be in the institution of marriage do whatever they want. Seriously, the father of the bride encouraging and paying for his future son in law to sleep with a hooker, then marry his daughter. No way, I call bullshit.

    Back under that bridge now.

    • +2

      "step-father of the groom-to-be" not "father of the bride".

      • +2

        Fair enough, my bad, but shit, what a role model! Good way to set an example

        • +2

          The step-father of the groom is a sleaze. The less said about him the better.
          As for the bride's father, he's throwing the official buck's night. My understanding is that its going to be in his mancave and will include poker, blackjack, pool/billiard games, expensive whisky , cigars(?) and light refreshment.

        • @Jar Jar Binks:
          Can I go to the official one with you lol. Hate that guys never let me go to their buck shows…. they are so much better!!!

        • @earths_pacifist: can't but I'' save you a cigar.

  • +6

    l sure stripper/hookers will be uninterested in you if you not willing to pay for any service on the night anyway. well I know the fancy clubs at least

    you just keep yourself tight pocket if not willing to go penetrat deep

    • +2

      This sounds like the kind of advice that I could someday pass on to my son. Thanks leehungfei ;)

  • +2

    If you truly love your wife, this should be an easy decision for you. Stay away from it. Also remember it's harder and more cool to say no. It's not uncool.

    • +4

      I'm not asking if I should cheat on my wife. To paraphrase Ms Turnip, my wife is very sexy , I am a very fulfilled man and all the hookers could not seduce me away from her:) I'm really asking about the $400 that I've handed over: what happens to it?

  • +2

    Given what you and your wife wrote in the other post (eBay $100 voucher) about your family, I wouldn't risk it for this weekend of "fun". It wouldn't be honouring your wife, daughter or son to be associated with this activity so I would go with option 1.

    • +1

      Dear amelyn, you should know me better :p I don't cheat. I've updated the post to include a TL;DR which hopefully clarify my dilemma.

      • +5

        I wasn't implying that you cheat… Last thing I would ever say. What I was trying to say was the unofficial buck's night activity is not a good activity. :/ am I sugar coating it?

        Just read your TLDR. I'd ask for the money back. Maybe buy a nicer wedding present if you feel a bit bad but you shouldn't feel bad at all.

        • I don't feel bad about pulling out so much as I feel embarrassed about asking for the money back.

        • +2

          @Jar Jar Binks:

          I don't feel bad about pulling out so much as I feel embarrassed about asking for the money back.

          I don't think the hookers would like it either!

          No matter how many times I left this alone, I couldn't go passed it. lol

        • +1

          @Freek: Someone had to do it :)

  • +1

    You sound like a nice guy, and above this sort of event, so option 1. Your mate hardly sounds like he needs a stripper shouted for him. 8 grand already buys plenty enough VD for one lifetime.

  • +3

    I'd tell the father of the groom that i'm not having a hooker, but i'm happy to come for the show (so he can buy one less "upgrade"). Enjoy the night of beers and boobs, then retire early to an evening of ozbargaining.

  • +1

    I am just going to quote a famous movie to help you with your dilema, esepcially since you said it is once in a lifetime opportunity.

    "Run and you will live at least awhile. And dying in your bed, many years from now. Would you be willing to trade all the days, from this day to that for one chance, just one chance, to come back here as young men… They may take our lives but they will never take our freedom!"

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEOOZDbMrgE#t=2m24s

    • once in a lifetime opportunity.

      that was tongue in cheek.

      You're giving me conflicting advice here Mitch. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

      • +1

        That would depend on my situation, my girlfriend knows I am on Ozbargain. So yes, I'd gladly ask for the money back and buy my girlfriend a big lovely present with the $400 dollars. wink wink nudge nudge

        Seriously though, I simply wanted to quote Braveheart. I still think you shouldn't go because your SO will use it against you later in one way or another. Even if you don't do anything, if I were you, I wouldn't risk upsetting my SO with it, even if she looks fine with it.

  • Eeeewwww what a gross unofficial bucks party. I think you know what you need to do … you are just wanting us to convince you that you are making the right decision.

    Think about the eneloops you could buy with $400 ….

    • +1

      Think about what $400 of eneloops could power at the unofficial bucks party

  • I think, for once, I would like to be part of the story instead of just being told about it a couple of days later….

    JJB, so why can't you go and be a 'witness' to the activities as opposed to an active participant? Are you worried that the alcohol may loosen your morals - you seem pretty confident so far in everything that you have said that you won't do anything to harm your relationship. So it comes down to what you want more:

    • Your $400 as it could buy you heaps of stuff here; or
    • A chance to be part of the story rather than hearing about it a few days later like you have been so far;

    What do you want more JJB?

  • +5

    Given what you and your wife wrote in the other post (eBay $100 voucher) about your family

    JJB does your wife post here as well??? Wouldn't she just see this thread….?

    • Yep but I can't reveal her secret identity.

  • +17

    How much are you spending on his official wedding present? Tell him you need the money for that. Blame your wife, and pocket the cash.

    • LOL /ENDTHREAD

    • @PJC, you, sir, are a genius! LOL!

    • +10

      "The Wife has spoken, I cannot go, and she wants the $400 back." done!

      No man can argue with the Wife, that is a universally accepted fact in the universe.

      • Hang on a minute … isn't it implied that JJB hasn't told his SO about the unofficial buck's party - as per rules 1,2 and 3. If JJB has made any mention then it's a two business trip that he has told his SO about…

        • +1

          wicket is JJB's wife.

        • +1

          All he has to say is that the Wife has a way of getting the truth out of him. Guantanamo is luxury in comparison.

        • @schlongtheabuser, I didn't tell her. She read it on her. So I didn't break rule #3, only #1 and #2 :p

        • @Jar Jar Binks: But this is practically like advertising on the megazine that your wife reads with your name…

        • @Jar Jar Binks: Without typos :
          @schlongtheabuser, I didn't tell her. She read it on here. So I didn't break rule #3, only #1 and #2 :p

  • +2

    Hmmmm. This is tough.

    If you go and, through some idiot talking out of place at the wedding, your wife finds out you went to a hooker filled weekend, you're dead.

    If you don't go and don't ask for money back it'll kill you to think of how many eneloops you could've had.

    If you don't go and ask for money back then you're effectively making it clear to this guy that you disapprove of his shenanigans and so there's potential risk to friendship.

    I think go with a revised option 2. Don't go but additionally get his future wife a man whore for the weekend. He'd surely be down with that. This also sorts out the need for a separate wedding gift, saving you some $$$.

    No need to thank me.

  • +5

    Holy smokes, $400 for entertainment plus flights just for the unofficial bucks. Add wedding present from you and wife of say $300 combined (which the wife may stick you for since it's your colleague) and likely a contribution to the official bucks as well. That could total a grand - this is way too much to spend on just a colleague.

    In your shoes I'd level with him and say hookers are just something you can't do with a family waiting for you at home, you hope he has an awesome trip, and that he can keep the $400 as your wedding present instead (and cancel the official one).

  • Don't go, ask for money back and if they get offended, never talk to them again.

  • What happened to the 'engage bikies' option on the poll?

  • Option 3, $400 each is sfa for a decent bucks party. Drink a lot, look but don't touch. I hope there will be other activities though?

  • I think you can survive a night without giving in to temptation. Plus, it will be an experience to watch what happens?

    • +1

      If I thought Stanley Kubrick's artsy orgies in eyes wide shut, which were filmed in luxurious surroundings, had beautiful, masked,naked people draped over every available surface and great lighting was meh, how do you think I would feel watching pale, white,average joes having drunken sex with paid strangers in someone's living room? Option #3 was never really an option.

      • +1

        Hahahahaha…. you are right that is not such a great mental image when one is sober!

  • what about just apology to your mates that you cant making due to new circumstances (family related!?) happing to you and you would love to get your money back if thats possible. I think should work.

  • -6

    Go bang some sluts. Who cares? sex is sex…..

  • +4

    From a logical point of view you've described plenty of reasons to not go and to get the $400 back.

    "…wife is cool with strippers (because she trusts you) but way less cool about one giving you a lap dance."

    1) Your wife already expressed her concern about lap dancers so how much more comfortable do you think she will be with hookers.

    "You're also required to contribute $400 to go towards the night's 'entertainment'.Flights and accommodation are extras, although he has kindly offered to let you stay at his cousin's place."

    2) Run the scenario fully to the end. Then consider what happens when some of that $8000 ends up coming over to the cousin's place. You've a wife so you don't have the same reasons to pay.

    "Ideologically, you're a feminist and the father of a little girl … ( $400 can buy you a hell of a lot of stuff on ozbargain)"

    3) From an OzBargainer perspective that's a lot of money that could be going to your family.
    $400 + flights + accommodation + drinks + tips + taxi + etc = daughter's public High School fees for 1 year.

    "As a happily married man, who wants to remain a happily married man …"

    4) Only you can know what this means. I'm unattached and single and still can't understand why my friends decide to get married. What is the benefit in having a SO if you still prefer being elsewhere. I'd recommend being honest to yourself and your SO and discuss varying your relationship to include what you are in to.

    "You ask for your money back( $400 can buy you a hell of a lot of stuff on ozbargain) and you don't care that you're going to look like an uncool, fun-hating, tight-assed miser."

    5) Fudge that. If the step father and work colleague don't want to return your $400 then what kind of "friend" do you think he is. You forgot an option "Give work colleague the damned $400 as a goodbye present. Dump his arse. No more headaches about morals, impacts on happy marriage or incompatible friends".

    The step father already made it clear what kind of bucks night he's planning. This might not be the best analogy but its kind of like going on a scuba diving trip but you don't swim.

    Sure, you may think your friend is interesting, half-fascinating, half-horrified. $400+travel+accommodation could be spent building up your own strengths. Eg. buy wife flowers, a present for daughter, a snowboarding lesson, a piloting lesson, a scuba lesson, a California Superbike training course…

    • +1 for the detailed analysis.

  • Just curious. Is this a thing? I'm asian and I've seen this in movies and all, but is it really normal/mainstream/okay for the groom-to-be to have sex with hookers during a stag night? I'm making the assumption that the father of the bride knowingly gave 8k to have the strippers upgraded to hookers.

    Anyway, it depends if you find these sort of things fun and how important your mates are to you. You sound like you'll be happy just chilling out with your mates (strippers/hookers seem kinda juvenile and not your thing). If your mates are important, depending on how far away this party is, I would go for the first day/evening just to celebrate, say your kid has come down with a fever and leave before things get too exciting.

    If your mate isn't important (I would think it is just an work-friendship and easier to draw the line), just shout him the 400 dollars. Either way you don't want to ask for your money back because your reputation may be affected at work (asian thing, stigma to be viewed as ungenerous).

  • Go for it. You already paid for it. You don't need to have sex, maybe only fondling.

  • -4

    Pass this? Why bother getting married? Hookers will do what your wife never will and it ends up way cheaper to boot. Plus you know exactly what you are paying for. $400 is just over an hour with a half decent white hooker. Ain't much. Is coke included? $8K should be getting some. Value for money and all.

    • $400 is just over an hour with a half decent (…) hooker

      Out of curiosity, what do you do for over an hour with a hooker? Read them poetry o.O?

  • What about the "Go and discretely make a video of the occasion and sell for big profits" option?

  • Hookers and beers is a bad mix that can only lead to trouble.

    On a funny note I remember a time I had a matr who was addicted to hookers and will happily blow half his decent wage on them a week.
    As soon as I found this out it was very awkward to be around him as he would 90% of the time talk about hookers and show me pics and crap…..

  • +2

    Option 4: Show thread to wife and ask her opinion. I bet if your wife asked your colleague for the $400 back he'd have the cash in her hand inside three seconds hoping the embarrassment will go away and also hoping she can keep her quiet about the whole 'business trip'.

  • -1

    I learn something new everyday on OzBargain.

    Today's lesson:

    Never get married.

    • +2

      I didn't neg you.

      • +6

        Well this is awkward.

        *Puts axe down.*

  • +1

    Why does your friend look like shite?

  • +6

    Don't go, ill go in your place
    ill tell my SO that im going with jar jar and his buddies to fight the evil empire.

    Seriously, hes a good friend. I would have hit you in the balls and said im using the 400 on coke and Viagra if your not coming

    $400 is just going to buy you a bunch of crap that is worthless. Going will be a memory you and your buddies will never forget. More so if you record it and upload it to pornhub. Picture this, going into work etc and telling your buddies about the weekend of debauchery that you had/lived vicariously through, or going into work etc, with a big bunch of guys around and tell em about the powerbank/ssd/some worthless freebie or a PS4/dyson.

    First scenario you start off telling a few people, half way in, the lunch room is nearly full, the office is full of ohhhhs, followed by loud EWWWWW's then loud cheers and laughing. One guy goes to the bathroom dry reaching. Managers are now seeing whats going on, after 4 seconds they are drawn to the story too. Female listeners are blushing, half curious and half repulsed. The whole office is talking about it for the rest of the day, randoms give you high 5's passing by. That hot colleague that everyone wants to bang now goes out of her way to stop and talk with you, sometimes even flirt. When the groom to be comes back to work, he tells his version of events like one of those movies where people start off on different paths but intertwine. You tell you wife every single detail, live happily ever after

    Or

    You tell a couple of people that you bough a PS4, one guy coughs, the other asks what games you got. end gay story. You eat too much junk food while playing PS4, you get fatter, wife wants to stomp on your console. 2 years later you never play it, another 2 years and PS5 is out. You throw it out/sell it for $20 wishing you had spent your money better.

    • -5

      So tempted to neg this comment for multiple reasons.

    • Is he obligated to report his purchases to all his work friends?

      • +1

        Point is, one has all the ingredients to be EPIC. Im talking we're going to make a movie based on this.

        You can buy a ps4 any day and no one gives a shit

        In 20 years time, will you ever think back "oh remember that time I bought a PS4"?

        • +4

          18 years on I remember that time I got a N64….

        • @johnno07:
          I could get a N64 today for less then $100, hardly an epic adventure

          If I posted a video of me doing this or even 18 years ago the number of people who viewed it would be less then 3 and every single one would thumbs down.

          Im bored just typing this…

        • @wholesaleturbos:

          If by less than three views… you mean NEARLY 20 MILLION - then yes, I see your point.

  • +2

    He looks like shite: good-looking, expensively dressed, nice-smelling shite, so neither me nor the wife has heart to kick him out.

    You've been honeydicked.

    • I get The interview movie reference thing but ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

  • +3

    I wouldn't go and I'd definitely ask for my money back. People make their own choices in life and some people choose to support prostitution. That's up to them. I wouldn't want my money supporting prostitution though. There's some women that freely choose that profession - I get that - but there's a whole bunch more that are the victims of sexual abuse and/or are suffering from drug addiction. As professions go, it's easily one of the most harmful to those working in it and anyone who thinks otherwise is fooling themselves.

  • The Wife will deal with him when she gets home. That sounds bad

    that's the other thing, if your SO knows what your shady friend gets up to, why does she allow him to still be your friend or allow him to come over let alone play with the kids and pets?! maybe she's testing you or is screwing with your head big time…

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