Help with Tricky Neighbour Situation

ShazOz on 12/07/2023 - 15:08
Last edited 12/07/2023 - 15:32

I have a tricky situation so hoping people can suggest a solution to minimise the impact.

My one kid has ADHD and one is just 3.5 years old. When this kid with ADHD is upset, he tends to throw things and becomes out of control. This has resulted in various stuff flying over the fence. This includes the pebbles, plastic toys, hot wheels, plastic bat, basket ball and hand ball.

Poor neighbour has raised a complaint few times as there is risk of human injury, property damage and also harm to his pet.

I have explained the consequences to my kids but I think little one is too young to appreciate the situation. The other kid becomes agitated from time to time because of his medical condition.

We can't continue to allow them screen time for majority of the day as it's also not beneficial and they also need to play outdoor for their own benefit. Due to busy work schedule, we can't monitor them at all times as well. It takes just couple of seconds for stuff to cross the fence even if we are monitoring :(

Finally school holidays doesn't help either.

Home & Garden

Comments

      • Sammy2000 on 13/07/2023 - 11:33
        +1

        When I was a kid, I was put outside to play to give the parents a break.
        Our older neighbour would throw snails over the fence rather than poison them and I got hit once.

        • Protractor on 13/07/2023 - 14:44
          +2

          Conch-cussion?

    • donga100 on 12/07/2023 - 16:17
      +3

      What is a 3.5yo going to throw over the fence that will actually cause serious harm.

      I wouldn't enjoy getting hit by the rocks and plastic bats that OP listed. Not much fun mowing over rocks and toy cars either.

  • ForkSnorter on 12/07/2023 - 16:12
    +11

    I think you need to get on top of uncontrollable naughty behaviour while kids are young, otherwise they can turn into completely selfish brats as adults, never-ending troublemakers.

    • CurlCurl on 12/07/2023 - 16:45
      +2

      I think you need to get on top of uncontrollable naughty behaviour while kids are young, otherwise they can turn into completely selfish brats as adults, never-ending troublemakers.

      Judging by the comments I don't think the majority of posters on this thread has an idea in hell what it's like to have a child with ADHD. Some don't appear to have even read the OPs post.

      Before you ask, no I don't have children with ADD or ADHD. I do have friends that do. Both my daughters are teachers, one is a special needs teacher in a high school, the other a primary teacher that has had composite classes. You wouldn't believe the problems they have in their class rooms. Chairs being thrown. Pens and pencils used to stab other students. Children running from the room and climbing trees. One child ran from the room and was found on a busy road. The teacher is not allowed to leave the other children unattended so has to use their mobile phone to call the school office to report it.

      OP. I hope you can find a solution.

      • Motek Benzona on 13/07/2023 - 06:18
        +2

        Well said!!! Some people need a serious educational advancement. I bet most of the ones commenting here are childless and the only thing they know about kids is what they read in a textbook at university or how they look after their cat

        • S2 on 13/07/2023 - 08:16
          +2

          It almost seems like the browsers of a bargain website aren't even highly educated experts on special needs children. If the OzBargain community doesn't know, there's just nowhere else to ask.

          • Motek Benzona on 13/07/2023 - 08:28

            @S2: You dont have to be an expert to not talk absolute guff hey? Some of the responses are pathetic. This is NOT just a simple "you do this and it will be ok"

            I do not agree with work over kids but who am i to judge?

            • S2 on 13/07/2023 - 11:34
              +1

              @Motek Benzona:

              Some of the responses are pathetic.

              I think your assessment of the responses lacks consideration of the audience to which it was asked.

              This is NOT just a simple "you do this and it will be ok"

              This is the kind of response you get when posting a nuanced and sensitive topic on a bargain website. Being an anonymous online forum, it could easily be a lot worse.

              • Motek Benzona on 13/07/2023 - 12:15
                +2

                @S2: Oh i agree…its just a wind up hearing the uneducated on a matter pretend to be..by talking stuff they hear off the news and off a mate at the bar.

                Parenting life is not a textbook dicated by the childless but yet there seems to be a lot of it around

                • ripesashimi on 13/07/2023 - 14:14
                  +1

                  @Motek Benzona: OP chose this forum and this audience for advice.

                  As said by OP, the old couple is also currently 'child-less'. They don't need to be educated on ADHD children to have the right of peaceful enjoyment of their own residence. They also have every right to comment on the topic and raise complaints as being affected by it.

                  In fact, you see 'child-less' politicians making law on children with special needs all the time. They don't need to have ADHD children.

                  Whether the situation is solvable or not, OP must come up with something quick and make it go away. The topic should not be gatekeeped to only 'ADHD children experts' or similar shit.

      • brendanm on 13/07/2023 - 19:20
        +1

        How is the education going for the other kids in this mixed classroom?

        • CurlCurl on 13/07/2023 - 21:31

          How is the education going for the other kids in this mixed classroom?

          The sad thing is they are not being educated. It's a composite class of year 2 and 3. It's in a multi cultural area and in a low socioeconomic area where the parents have little or no education and don't care. Parents are called to the school regularly.

          The high school my other daughter teachers at is also in a low socioeconomic area. They can't keep teachers. 27 have left this year including the headmistress.

          Being on a contract and not full time working 4 days a week my daughter gave her notice at 1.30 one day before the current NSW school holidays and finished up that day. We are talking about a teacher with 28 years experience and a HSC (year 12 final exam) marker in science. She is on her sick pay and long service till Christmas and enjoying life.

          The abuse and threats she and other teachers at that high school have directed at them daily is frightening.

          She told me the lunatics are running the asylum.

  • morse on 12/07/2023 - 16:29
    +2

    Consider getting some help with managing their behaviour https://www.triplep-parenting.net.au/qld-en/triple-p/ is very well regarded. Free in QLD. Not sure about other states. 123 Magic is another one.

    It kind of sounds like you’re leaving you kids to play unsupervised outside for extended periods. I don’t want to be judgy but 3.5 is probably a little young for this. I have an approaching 4yo and if we’re both working he’s in childcare. When he gets to school age and it’s school holidays, we’ll probably take turns with who has time off work as well as enrolling in some school holiday programs. I would see about structuring your work and leave so that your kids are engaged in activities during school holidays. Either you’re not working and doing activities with them, or you’re enrolling them in some kind of childcare/school holiday program. Hard as this is financially, it’s what most parents do. If you’re low income you get greater subsidies for this. When our kid is not in childcare one of use will take him out for a daily activity, it can be as simple as the park, play on the beach, going for a walk or bike ride, as well as things at home like painting, baking cookies etc. He does do independent play as well, but it would be unrealistic to get him to do this for most of the time. Some good independent indoor activities are drawing/colouring in, cars, trains, playdough, Lego etc, but this would for 1hr max independently and within eye/ear shot.

    3.5 is old enough to learn boundaries, and it’s also very possible for kids with ADHD, especially with the right supports. All kids are different but certainly when my kid has done naughty things he’s given a serious talking to and we don’t see that behaviour again. We also reward the desired behaviour.

    With the ADHD get some help from a child psychologist and or occupational therapist. Not knowing your kid, sometimes things like physical activity, trampoline, climbing, skipping etc, structure with rest periods through the day can be really helpful.

    You may want to net the outdoor area whilst you’re working on behaviour, as it’s reasonable for the neighbour not to want projectiles flying over the fence.

    • [Deactivated] on 12/07/2023 - 16:55
      +1

      OP doesn't specify the age of the child with ADHD

      • morse on 12/07/2023 - 17:55

        No, but he says there’s a 3.5yo so presumably the child with ADHD is older. Either way if they are throwing stuff over the fence it’s sounds like they need more parent time. OP says they don’t have the time due to work. It’s true that it’s a fairly new expectation to have eyes on kids and spend more time with them, but in the past they has the freedom to play out on the street with other kids and the whole community has eyes on them, or grandparents were around to help.

      • CurlCurl on 12/07/2023 - 20:41

        OP doesn't specify the age of the child with ADHD

        If you read the OP's follow up posts he says this When we are monitoring them during play outside, we have seen little 1 just randomly goes to area with pebbles and throws it across before we even get to him so my reading of it the child with ADHD is younger.

        • morse on 12/07/2023 - 20:54
          +1

          Yeah no idea but how I’ve read it is:
          3.5yo with medical condition (unknown)
          Other child unknown age with adhd, presumably older as ADHD would be unusual to diagnose in under three, and OP attributes similar behaviour to age and diagnosis.

          It’s absolutely tough to be in this situation. And I don’t know OPs financial position or access to Medicare, childcare subsidies etc - hence being very general in reply. But honestly, read what they wrote - sounds like they are expecting kids to behave appropriately whilst WFH and ignoring them for significant periods of time.

          Most people cut their hours and/or use childcare when they have kids, disability or otherwise.

          • CurlCurl on 12/07/2023 - 20:57
            +2

            @morse: Thank you for the balanced reply.

        • idonotknowwhy on 13/07/2023 - 14:36
          +1

          so my reading of it the child with ADHD is younger.

          They don't diagnose ADHD at 3.5 (your younger)

  • brendanm on 12/07/2023 - 16:38
    +7

    It's the garden lizards guy 😂

    • onetwothreefour on 12/07/2023 - 16:41
      +8

      Well the answer to his question about getting rid of lizards is to get his kid to chuck them at the neighbours! 2 problems solved.

    • Protractor on 12/07/2023 - 18:40

      ( Garden lizard girl. )

      Good spot. It all makes sense now.
      I should have recognised the handball skills

  • angywoo on 12/07/2023 - 16:39
    +7

    Sometimes when people are too close to a situation they put their blinkers on and have tunnel vision and fail to see things that can be so clear to others.

    Consider using Cat run netting around the fence line….simple.

    Another solution might be to consider reducing your work hours or taking leave for a bit so that you can spend quality time with your children and really work on implementing in your home the some of the self regulating strategies the teachers at your child's school have had success implementing. No doubt you child displays similar behaviours at school too. It is ok to ask for help.

    Also consider investing in a behaviour management course (for parents) which may give you some new helpful parenting tools and try.

    • CurlCurl on 12/07/2023 - 20:43
      -5

      Also consider investing in a behaviour management course (for parents) which may give you some new helpful parenting tools and try.

      For gods sake the child has ADHD.

      • angywoo on 12/07/2023 - 22:14
        +6

        What is your point?

        • CurlCurl on 13/07/2023 - 09:21
          -3

          What is your point?

          Sorry, but if you don't know, there is no one that can help you.

        • CurlCurl on 13/07/2023 - 11:50
          +1

          What is your point?

          So you neg me rather than respond!

          You must be a hero.

          • angywoo on 13/07/2023 - 12:10
            +4

            @CurlCurl: I don't believe I have - you. The temptation is there now though.

            Wouldn't surprise me if it was someone else, based on how negative you have been towards people. You seem to be rather gruff to people with your insulting responses.

            I hope your day improves.

          • Godric on 13/07/2023 - 12:31
            +2

            @CurlCurl:

            "you're not worth it."

  • JimmyF on 12/07/2023 - 16:54
    +6

    Poor neighbour has raised a complaint few times as there is risk of human injury, property damage and also harm to his pet.

    Fair enough, if it was reversed you wouldn't be happy.

    Due to busy work schedule, we can't monitor them at all times as well. It takes just couple of seconds for stuff to cross the fence even if we are monitoring :(

    Sounds like your kids DO need to be monitored from the sounds of it. Just because you can WFH, doesn't mean you should be. In the olden days pre covid, you would have to take time off, put them in child care etc.

    When this kid with ADHD is upset

    Are the meds not working? Or is this is self diagnosed ADHD thing?

    • Protractor on 12/07/2023 - 18:25

      most are

      Used to be called ADD,but the name was changed cos too many ppl were calling it Absent Dads Disorder

  • lordezekiel on 12/07/2023 - 16:58
    +3

    Buy hard hats for neighbours for when they want to enjoy their own backyard.
    (No but really, +1 for the netting, that was my first thought also)

  • Godric on 12/07/2023 - 17:28
    +4

    I'd imagine best option would be managing the childs behavior, putting up a 'safety' net is good in the way of minimizing potential damage how ever doesn't solve for the root problem being the behavior, eg throwing things at people at school etc

    • Protractor on 12/07/2023 - 18:23
      +4

      I'd imagine best option would be managing the childs behaviour
      ++++++++ x 100

      • CurlCurl on 12/07/2023 - 20:47
        -7

        'd imagine best option would be managing the childs behaviour

        Again the child has ADHD

        I could add a line or two but I would be in the penalty box. And you're not worth it.

        • angywoo on 12/07/2023 - 22:32
          +16

          I am unsure why you think having ADHD discounts implementing good behaviour management strategies.

          ADHD and consistent behaviour management strategies go hand in hand to minimise ADHD symptoms.

          • Protractor on 13/07/2023 - 10:05
            +2

            @angywoo: I would add fit for purpose parenting probably sees ADHD cases remain below the surface.
            Obfuscation and outsourcing is the new black, apparently.

            Ironic that currently individuals are making a case for WFH- 'cos kids' - then do both jobs sub par. LOL

            • angywoo on 13/07/2023 - 20:37
              +1

              @Protractor: Lets hope OP finds a solution that allows them to be successful in both fields.

              You never know, maybe if they use cat run netting around their fence line they might get a new cat too.

  • tallkid123 on 12/07/2023 - 17:49
    +4

    Buy some tall bamboo and have it planted in as a natural barrier.

  • Protractor on 12/07/2023 - 18:30
    +1

    Will OPs neighbour post next?

  • GordonD on 12/07/2023 - 18:41
    +4

    I can sympathise. But I know nothing about raising kids, I'm sorry.

    So All I can suggest is contraception, so the problem is minimised to 2 kids with problems.

    • Protractor on 12/07/2023 - 19:14
      +1

      I prefer the mantra of the 4WD driving safety course. Survival tip question number one.
      "Do I need to go there"

      You don't need to know anything about kids, to know a lot about parents

    • Motek Benzona on 13/07/2023 - 06:15
      +1

      Nor do many of the other posters on here judging by the inane guff most of them posted. At least you did not insult the op

      Special needs kids are not easy..trust me..i know

  • bobbified on 12/07/2023 - 19:17
    +3

    I think the situation with the neighbour will resolve itself once you've learnt how to look after your kid more effectively. Whether it be joining a support group or going to certain courses to learn how to parent a child with certain conditions.

    Due to busy work schedule, we can't monitor them at all times as well.

    To be blunt, a 'busy work schedule' is not an excuse to not supervise your kids properly. As difficult as it may be, the kids should be your priority.

  • Ronerrlaw on 13/07/2023 - 00:45
    +4
    1. Install fence extenders, which you fully pay for.
    2. Install cameras near door exits that notify you of motion, or some form of motion sensors.
    3. Find some help for your kid and take some parenting courses for yourself to see how to better manage your kid.

    Feel your neighbour in this instance, they are just trying to quietly enjoy their patch of heaven.

  • Breno785au on 13/07/2023 - 06:45
    +1

    I have a 3 1/2 year old, there's no freaking way he's able to get anything over a fence.
    How tall is your fence? 3 foot!

    Too many excuses from OP in my opinion. I sympathise with the ADHD thing but I'm also skeptical, so much ADHD diagnosis these days, even from this small sample of replies in this thread.
    I have 3 children, the way things sound these days, statistically at least one of them should have ADHD but nope.

    • Alpine58 on 13/07/2023 - 07:30

      Kids vary greatly, my 1 year old will easily throw a ball over the fence/onto the roof. An older kid not even close.

      • Breno785au on 13/07/2023 - 07:38
        +3

        Lol 1 year old throwing a ball onto the roof, what a load of shit.
        Stop exaggerating.

        • Alpine58 on 13/07/2023 - 08:14

          Sorry, at this age probably should have said almost 2. But a 3.5year old do it easily…

  • rogerwilko on 13/07/2023 - 06:50
    +1

    Oh, this is garden lizard guy. Troll post.

    • Protractor on 13/07/2023 - 10:06

      Agree. But is female identity, not male

  • Alpine58 on 13/07/2023 - 07:29

    Have you considered providing another "outlet" for your kid when he gets upset?

    Something loud, robust, maybe slightly "naughty" they can do instead to channel that energy? Punching bag, nerf guns, some old pallets that they can break up, a sheet of metal they can kick a ball at?

    What response do they get from you when they throw stuff over the fence? If they get a response, even if it's negative, can still cause the kid to repeat as attention seeking behaviour.

  • Daddy Chill on 13/07/2023 - 07:53
    +1

    This is a fked up situation and people need to stop piling shit on this guy.

  • cktftw on 13/07/2023 - 09:17

    Should've pulled out

    • Daddy Chill on 13/07/2023 - 19:56

      Best comment out of 100 commenta

  • k15866 on 13/07/2023 - 09:47
    +1

    anything that is thrown over the fence is gone forever…
    Can't throw anything if there's nothing left to throw, and perhaps, lesson will be learnt.

    • [Deactivated] on 13/07/2023 - 10:24

      It's going to take a long time to run out of pebbles!

  • Sinnerator on 13/07/2023 - 10:07
    +1

    RITALIN, lots of ritalin.
    Make sure you take lots of video footage as evidence of your kids behaviour for when they hate you later in life for giving them so much ritalin.

  • [Deactivated] on 13/07/2023 - 10:10
    +3

    Replace pebbles with grass or artifcial turf.
    Extend height of fence.
    When you go round to your neighbours to retrieve the balls, bats etc give them a small gift as compensation for the noise, inconvenience & stress your kids are probably causing them.

  • DarkOz on 13/07/2023 - 10:25

    That's what we do but there have been times when both of us are on work call and the elder kid sneeked out. The little one will just follow. We have fixed this issue by installing locks and keep keys with us.

    That's a recipe for disaster. Have you ever thought about what could possibly happen?

    • Protractor on 13/07/2023 - 14:28

      What do you reckon?

      • DarkOz on 14/07/2023 - 10:17

        I reckon they are not my kids.

  • jaimex2 on 13/07/2023 - 12:02
    +2

    Ah, I too remember a time when I thought I knew better than parents.

    People without kids have no idea.

    Parents look like shit parents because you don't see the poor bastards have to discipline 24/7. Zero breaks, sleep deprived, often sick, usually zero help and while doing full time jobs.

    I have great kids but I'd compare my life to Ukraine's last two years.

    • Protractor on 13/07/2023 - 14:32

      Look around (and dare I say it? this very topic) . Looks like there's as many people with kids who know less about parenting, than the deliberately barren. Besides, you don't need to have sh*t to know it, or how it works. Even kids.
      Kids behavioural problems are 99% parent related. The other 1% are dealt with properly, not by a shopping site.
      Remember
      PERSONAL RESPONSIBILTY. < (ancient relic?)

      • jaimex2 on 13/07/2023 - 17:15

        Yep. It collapsed with social responsibility.

        Don't have kids unless you're really well off or have a lot of family support is my advice.

        • wtfnodeal on 13/07/2023 - 21:56

          So you expect OP should get a crystal ball knowing they would be born ordinary and 100% healthy?

      • wtfnodeal on 13/07/2023 - 21:54

        Not 99% parent related if the kid’s behavioural problems due to ADHD unless you are talking about genes etc.

        • Protractor on 13/07/2023 - 21:57

          98% related by parents admission> way too busy. $$ comes first. Read the OP & following OP comments. Also (big point) >>>>>who made this diagnosis<<<<<?

          • wtfnodeal on 13/07/2023 - 22:12

            @Protractor: I don’t know OP’s financial situation and unable to conclude “way too busy” was to maintain a luxury lifestyle or just enough to feed the family. But you do have a point re OP should be seeking opinions from therapists etc instead although like other comments made here that there could be a long waiting list.

    • yoquierotaco on 13/07/2023 - 19:49
      +1

      if you know, you know

    • [Deactivated] on 14/07/2023 - 10:56
      +2

      I love this argument. "You don't have kids so you don't know how bad it is".

      Um. You do realise that everyone was a child at some stage, and knows how tough they made it for their parents, and how their parents responded to the behaviour?

      So that excuse is absolutely garbage and a way to absolve yourself from responsibility.

      • jaimex2 on 14/07/2023 - 16:26
        +2

        My younger self, is that you? Its been a while.

        You have no idea. None whatsoever.

        You think you do and your argument makes sense in your head but reality is very different.

        I'm a pretty harsh parent, my kids are well disciplined and fairly well behaved.

        Doesn't mean I'm not exhausted from fighting them from 5am when they wake up till 7pm bed time. It's the constant being sick that really makes it hard.

        The only way to avoid that is to not send them to childcare/school.

        I feel for the op.

        I'll be honest - if I had a kid on the spectrum it would have bruise marks because there's no reasoning with them. I've seen it first hand.

        They don't get it. Punishments don't work, positive reinforcements end up backfiring.

        • [Deactivated] on 14/07/2023 - 16:59

          Just because someone doesn't have kids, doesn't mean they don't know what's wrong or right about parenting.

          Also, if people are going to complain about how hard it is to have kids, there's a simple solution: don't have kids.
          Simple.

          If anyone thinks kids arent difficult even without them being on a spectrum are fooling themselves.

  • bomberswarm2 on 13/07/2023 - 12:27
    +1

    Drop them at the fire station

  • johnfuller on 13/07/2023 - 12:36

    everyone saying "discipline your kids properly" , his kids have ADHD, so cant be compared to other kids .. understand his situation, the neighbour needs to relax a little, they're just kids, have a laugh about it .. im sure the dog barking is also annoying which is probably why kids are throwing the toys, do we raise a complaint about that too and have the dog removed?

  • dynamic007 on 13/07/2023 - 12:47
    +6

    I had a similar situation, but I was the neighbor that had all sorts thrown over the fence.
    I raised it with the parents, they said the same, they can't monitor the kids all the time. We got so fed up of it we installed a trellis above the fence to make it harder to through anything. What he ended up doing which helped a lot is to remove all small throwable toys / objects from the garden. So the only things were bulkier, bikes/ cubby house etc so the kids naturally couldnt pick up and throw.

    Perhaps you can do a cull of all the throwable objects?

  • pformag on 13/07/2023 - 13:52

    Suggest reducing screen time check Dr. Gabor Maté research and books.

  • MichaelLitoris on 13/07/2023 - 14:25
    +7

    Using ADHD or any other mental condition in an attempt to absolve poor behaviour of children is a sure-fire way to ensure that the kids grow up with major issues. I'm so sick and tired of everyone using some BS mental condition to shift the burden of responsibility from themselves.

    • Protractor on 13/07/2023 - 14:36
      +1

      Correct. You win the prize.
      No proof this is even a formal diagnosis. Or if so, a 'shopped around for' one

      I pity the tax payer burden, and the teachers ahead, for this new age of "outsourcing life".

      In regards to playing the mental health card. PTSD is everywhere now. Real sufferers must be aghast. This diagnosis has become the refuge of bushfire arsonists, most of whom seem to be the ones supposedly putting fires out.Until caught.
      I'm not convinced it should be admissible as a defence, anyway.

    • rambao9 on 13/07/2023 - 16:28
      +1

      Agree, learnt pretty quickly the hard way to not throw things after a couple of smackings

    • FallaM on 14/07/2023 - 09:23
      +1

      Commented similarly before I saw this one. It's utterly absurd how everyone all of a sudden has "ADHD", especially a 3.5 year old. Unreal.

  • rave75 on 13/07/2023 - 15:28

    Get a dog to monitor and calm your kid. A pitbull will do.

    • MrThing on 14/07/2023 - 03:15

      or a crocodile

  • Usernames on 13/07/2023 - 15:59
    +2

    I’ve worked at home for over 10 years, and before kids started school we paid for childcare. You can’t work effectively with young kids at home. It’s not fair on the employer or the kids.

    • Breno785au on 13/07/2023 - 18:50
      +1

      There is absolutely no way in hell I could effectively work and look after my 3 year old at the same time.

  • justgooddeals on 13/07/2023 - 17:30

    Get gentle dog like Labrador or golden retriever. Kids with ADHD benefit greatly from the interaction with pets and learning to care and play with them while outside is great distraction from throwing things.

    Especially if you explain they may hurt the dog. If they hit it with whatever they are throwing.

    • Protractor on 13/07/2023 - 17:34
      +8

      No. Dogs do not deserve this.It's just more handballing responsibilty. The dog will suffer in place of the kids. Not on.

      Kids with ADHD benefit greatly with interaction with pets attentive parents

      • morse on 13/07/2023 - 18:12
        +3

        Yeah unfortunately have to agree. I think dogs are great for kids but OP is struggling to look after kids let alone look after a dog, make sure it’s walked, entertained, health needs taken care of etc

    • [Deactivated] on 14/07/2023 - 10:55
      +3

      They can't look after their kids 100% of the time as it is, what makes you think adding a pet to the mix is a good idea?

      Absolutely horrible idea.

  • robbyjones on 13/07/2023 - 21:00
    +6

    Shamraz, you need to take responsibility for your own inaction, you can't hope to re-educate your children (with or without ADHD) if you are not there to show them where they are going wrong. I promise you if you don't shift YOUR mindset and rather than looking for a short term solution to a very long term problem you are just making it worse for you and your chiildren.
    ADHD children need very strong boundaries, in fact excel with them, they need to know the rules and the consequences for not following the rules and you need to be consistent in your approach, always, every time, consistent, consistent, consistent. It is hard, relentless work but they are your children you owe them that,
    ADHD children are impulsive, they act first and think second, if you aren't there to help them with their play, you can almost guarantee the behaviour will continue and probably escalate.
    Keep it simple, start small, don't promise anything you can't fulfil, whether that be positive or negative. I found my son worked better when he had control, for example, if you get pushback about what toys they are taking outside give them choice; 'would you like to take out the red ball or blue ball today'?
    We had family therapy as by the time my son was a young teenager his behaviour has affecting his younger brothers in a very negative way, the therapy helped enormously and I wish I had done it sooner. Therapy sounds weird but it really was just a behavioral therapist working with each member of the family and finding out what was affecting them the most and then working with us as parents to suggest what we could do to overcome the issues.
    Lastly, don't sweat the small stuff. Parenting ADHD kids is hard and you often get disapproving looks and well-meaning advice that quite often won't work with ADHD children, like corporal punishment for example.

  • MrThing on 14/07/2023 - 03:14

    bikies

  • drfuzzy on 14/07/2023 - 06:39

    I get annoyed at most of these 'problem with neighbour' posts but the OP seems like a good person who is taking accountability.

  • JafferMoney on 14/07/2023 - 09:07
    +1

    Buy an acre block and let you kids roam free and throw sh*t everywhere to their hearts content.

    They will build up enormous strength in their arms that they will then become highly touted baseball pitchers on huge money.

    You can then buy your old place back and your neighbours place too so that they can once again start throwing sh*t over the fence, this time without any worry :)

  • Stripes on 14/07/2023 - 09:14

    What about an alternative like some targets to throw at or a basketball ring?

  • FallaM on 14/07/2023 - 09:22
    +1

    You are labeling your inability to regulate your childs behaviour as "ADHD". This is a snowball effect you are setting them up for the rest of their lives. Every misstep in education will now be "ADHD" fault, you will medicate your child with brain-numbing pharmaceuticals because of "ADHD". I can almost guarantee your child is an iPad addict too.

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