Financial Transparency with Your Partner

Karaxela on 25/06/2022 - 11:38
Last edited 25/06/2022 - 11:40

Was speaking to a good mate yesterday.. he claims that him and his wife are happy with eachother emotionally. They both are on decent wages but noted they have an "awkward" tune when it comes to discussing and sharing their independant finances :where they are very discreet with their income, spending and savings etc.

Here are the key points I picked up:

*They split billing responsibilities and variable household expenditures
*He doesn't know how much his wife earns, due to her shift work and additional overtime shifts.
*His wife is not comfortable to disclose and would understate her earnings.
*They aren't open with their savings with each other and attempts to bring this up for future planning hasn't gone well.
*General discomfort in speaking about money and finances in general with each other.

Is this common? Personally me and my partner operate almost on the other side of the fence.. So am wandering what are OzB's thoughts on this, around being financially transparent (income, spending, budgeting/planning, savings) with your lifelong partner?

Poll Options

  • 64
    Yes
  • 791
    No
  • 297
    They need a therapist
Financial

Comments

  • djones145 on 25/06/2022 - 12:37
    +1

    wife and I have joint account
    shared credit cards ( supp for each other)

    • AusBargains on 25/06/2022 - 16:54
      -3

      More useful stats:

      About half of marriages end in divorce and about more than 70-80% of divorces are initiated by the wife.

      Also, basically 99% of women engage in hypergamy (a man must be richer, taller, stronger, smarter than I am) so men will never have the opportunity to "profit" from a divorce.

      • larndis on 26/06/2022 - 08:06
        +11

        What a load of absolute crap

        • TilacVIP on 26/06/2022 - 09:13
          +14

          Is that all you have??

        • 900dollaridoos on 26/06/2022 - 13:54
          +5

          Hypergamy is pretty well established now despite your very convincing argument. Women on dating profiles (I believe it was OKcupid data) rank 80% of men as below average. Meanwhile men rated 60% of women as above average.

          Anecdotally anyone that has ever swapped profiles with a friend of the opposite sex will have see the same.

          • druex on 26/06/2022 - 17:01
            -4

            @900dollaridoos: Because we should take online dating as serious as a proper anthropomorphic study.

            • 900dollaridoos on 26/06/2022 - 17:51
              +5

              @druex: Online dating is now the most common method of couples meeting, you'd have to be either especially ignorant or deliberately acting in bad faith to ignore the relevant statistics.

        • AusBargains on 26/06/2022 - 21:05
          -1

          What a load of absolute crap

          If you (larndis) upvote my post, I will reply with links to the studies and statistics to prove my assertions.

      • johnno07 on 26/06/2022 - 22:19
        +7

        Incel vibes oozing from this comment.

        • ozbjunkie on 27/06/2022 - 05:44
          +3

          Actually the best way to understand heterosexual relationships and their various benefits and risks is to engage in them.

          Certainly would sound like some incel vibes if I had never had partners…

          But given that I have… And that's where I learned much of the risks and benefits, I'd say this just gives off been there done that bought the t shirt and then gave half of it away vibes.

      • Jaysful on 28/06/2022 - 10:25

        Wait, what about if the man was one of the following or a combination: physically abussive, unfaithful, alcoholic, gambling etc.

        Wait, what if the woman also was one of the following or a combination: quit job to give birth, gender wage gap, raised with conservative values to be a stay-at-home-mum

    • morse on 26/06/2022 - 02:01
      +8

      You leave with what you brought in contribute.

      I actually agree in most circumstances with this when there are no kids. If there are kids everything changes, especially if you consider if one partner has taken more time off for child rearing. In reality though I don’t think in most circumstances where people separate without kids ‘you leave with what you contribute’ happens. So people just need to be aware when getting into a long term relationship:

      As an aside a bit silly that you direct you comment at ‘men’. Plenty of women earn/have more than their male partners (or female partners for that matter). I always earned a little more than my husband up until having a child and came from a wealthier family so had slightly more assets. Thinking of my female friends this is not uncommon.

    • CheapskateQueen on 25/06/2022 - 22:42
      +18

      I hope you are all taking the piss.

      that, or you're all paying your wife a salary + super when she's on maternity leave / not working / workingpart time to look after the kids. don't forget to add an annual and eternal loading for lost opportunity costs / loss of promotions/ pay rises during that same time

      • Scrooge McDuck on 26/06/2022 - 18:26
        +4

        paying your wife a salary

        That would be cheaper than a pooled assets marriage ending in divorce.

      • ozbjunkie on 27/06/2022 - 05:46
        -1

        No no, wives are paying their husbands a salary while the husbands stay at home.

        Don't forget eternal loading for all the time a man had to listen to you when he could have been gaining skills.

        See how silly this is when we flip it a little?

        • Binchicken22 on 27/06/2022 - 10:51
          +1

          Yes, it's like how the feminists seem to believe that people like Jeff Bezos wife total DESERVED the 38 Billion $ settlement she got… Ya know, because "she worked as the admin assistant when Amazon was only just getting started!!"

          It's like, no… That would have just been out of convenience and if she wasn't there doing those admin tasks then he could have hired in an admin assistant for 40k per year. Hardly worth 38 Billion $ for a bit of admin work for a couple of years.

      • FairlyHappy on 28/06/2022 - 10:14
        -1

        No seriously, CheapskateQueen, you are taking the piss because it does not matter firstly which gender it is.

        You do not see anyone paying men for their lost career opportunities that result from needing to start a family. In Asian cultures it is pretty much an expectation on the man to participate in more depth than in Western countries. Believe me, I've seen it all, being called out from work and then missing out on that promotion or having to quit work altogether because the wife really needs someone to be at home. So I hope this is seriously some crap you came up with as both members have to raise the family together.

        The current favouritism in the courts is unjustified and seriously will likely be struck down as men start doing more. It's even worse now with stay at home dads, they don't get shit when it comes to a divorce, so shut the heck up. Wake the heck up and let's get to fixing this.

        At the moment I've seen everything from what goes on around me.
        Maybe the problem is you grew up in the 80s or something, the younger generation does not fall for this bullshit anymore.

        • CheapskateQueen on 28/06/2022 - 10:50
          +3

          firstly, i'm replying to the very twisted comments made above which were about men keeping money from women. thus, the reply was specific to those circumstances.

          if a man stays home and the woman works, or there's two women or two men or whatever the F arrangement you have, the response is the same. the person staying home and caring for the kids does not contribute financially, but they contribute. and it is not appropriate to say "okay well you didn't work for 4 years and had no income and no super and lost out on promotions but now we're getting divorced/separated and i earned $400k during that time, and that's all mine."

          i wont reply anymore.

          thanks, bye,

    • dust on 25/06/2022 - 12:58
      +8

      What if your wife makes more money than you?

      • pharkurnell on 25/06/2022 - 15:33
        +4

        Wont matter.

        • larndis on 26/06/2022 - 08:11
          +23

          If you believe that it is possible for all/most women to 'marry up' you must believe that all/most men are superior to all/most women. If this is true it's virtually impossible for a woman NOT to 'marry up'. No idea what your point is though.

          I truly hope you all stay single.

          • druex on 26/06/2022 - 17:03
            +11

            @larndis: Dont worry, the use of incel buzzwords does all the work for them.

          • ozbjunkie on 27/06/2022 - 05:49
            -1

            @larndis: You aren't presuming one marriage per lifetime are you?

            That would be a serious error in your calculations.

            Yes, rich men marry multiple times. And often halve their wealth multiple times.

            And many men never marry.

            One marriage per lifetime is not a reasonable assumption. Hence it is reasonable to at least consider the possibility your marriage won't last and to make some financial plans for that possibility.

            I haven't ever heard a reply to this argument that didn't start with something absurd like "if you really loved your partner you would…"

            No real Scotsman. Fallacy. Also, replace "share finances" with "buttstuff" and we see where the argument is weakest.

  • Switchblade88 on 25/06/2022 - 13:46
    +60

    I'm a family man. All my time, effort and money goes towards improving the quality of life of my wife and my kids.

    My wife and I have a tiny amount of discretionary spending in the budget each week (about 3% of the total budget) which is for anything we like; e.g. games for me. Everything else is towards expenses and the remainder to savings. Nothing else is rightfully mine alone, including knowledge - we keep no secrets.

    I wouldn't run a partnership without full transparency, why would I do it for a marriage??

    • misu p on 26/06/2022 - 10:41
      +1

      Same here, it actually shocks me to have it any other way. Of course if anything happens (divorce) she gets half of everything.

    • skillet on 26/06/2022 - 12:48
      +5

      This is how a marriage should work. Trust is no.1 in a relationship, no trust no friend.

    • Jason Genova on 29/06/2022 - 09:23
      -1

      sounds like a jail term

      3% spending woahh

  • Pawn Stars on 25/06/2022 - 13:50
    +27

    When doing you tax, you must enter your spouse's taxable income into your assessment so perhaps they are not trying hard enough or talking BS

    • WhyAmICommenting on 26/06/2022 - 11:47
      -1

      In wonfercif you can request it under FOI on your own spouse?

  • EightImmortals on 25/06/2022 - 13:59
    +7

    Full transparency here and we both have equal access to all accounts. Is it a marriage or a business arrangement?

    • ozbjunkie on 27/06/2022 - 05:51
      +1

      Business arrangement because there is a contract, multiple parties involved, it may be terminated without cause… Etc.

  • websterp on 25/06/2022 - 14:09
    +2

    Are you asking for a friend?

  • randomusername2017 on 25/06/2022 - 16:15
    +1

    So am wandering

    Don't wander too far or your partner may wonder what you're up to…

  • p1 ama on 25/06/2022 - 16:22
    +16

    At the end of the day, it depends on what you want from a relationship.

    For example, both my wife and I make enough money to take care of ourselves, we take care of our own finances, we put some money into a joint account to cover household expenses, mortgage repayments, school fees…etc., but other than that, we choose to use / save / invest our own money in whatever way we want. Neither of us pay much attention to each others' money decisions - her working / saving / spending habits are none of my business, for instance.

    We don't need each others' money - we're in a relationship because we enjoy spending time together, we have shared goals (e.g. being great parents), and we care about each other. All the money stuff doesn't matter because we spend within our means and we are both responsible and trust each other to make good decisions.

    FWIW, I think what concerns me about your story is not so much the separate finances, but the discretion that comes with it. For example, even though my wife and I keep separate finances, we're never discrete about it and are always happy to be upfront and honest about how much we earn and spend.

    The way I see it is that money has always occupied a very, very small part of my day-to-day thinking and that's reflected in our relationship. We don't keep separate finances because we don't trust each other or have anything to hide, but rather, it's just never been an important enough issue to "manage" together. We both managed our own finances before we met, and we just kept doing that afterwards. Works well enough, why fix a perfectly fine system.

    • reactor-au on 26/06/2022 - 08:42
      +4

      Keeping them separate is just logistics, the important part is not hiding anything. Anything you can't/won't discuss with your partner is a ticking time bomb because trust is fundamental in relationships.

  • Benoffie on 25/06/2022 - 18:27
    +3

    They need a therapist. It's one thing to have separate accounts and do your own thing but not knowing incomes or expenditure? Where is the working for common goals part of the marriage?

    Clearly she earns more or more than he'd like or she's upto something and is stashing money.

    Either way, it's a fast track to divorce central.

  • morse on 26/06/2022 - 02:14
    +2

    even though they may prefer to keep their finances separate, as they are married they would both be better off sharing financial information with each other. One crucial aspect to this is debt. In some circumstances you can be liable for a partners debt (though shouldn't be if not a joint account/loan). Also as soon as they want to have any investments together they need to be transparent. Even if a mortgage was in one person’s name, if the other person is living there and contributing to household expenses, it basically becomes their investment too.

    My partner and I used to keep finances relatively seperate until we bought a house together, then got married and had a child. Up until then we just paid half of most things each. But we never withheld info about our finances, just didn’t mix them until it became necessary.

  • FairDeal on 26/06/2022 - 09:16
    +1

    I've never understood why ppl think having a relationship with someone = financial transparency. Provided each person contributes their fair share to groceries, mortgage (if you've bought a house together) why is it "necessary" to have financial transparency? It's purely up to the individual wether they are transparent and doesn't diminish the relationship one bit… emotion and finances are seperate entitys. Of course divorce lawyers love financial transparency because then they know how much money is in their kitty during the divorce which occurs for 60% of marriages within 3yrs. So free yourself from this fallacy that relationship=financial transparency.

    • Quantumcat on 26/06/2022 - 12:12
      +9

      why is it "necessary" to have financial transparency?

      How are you supposed to decide where you should move to, what investments you should make, whether you should have children and who should give up work to look after them while they are young, if you don't know your full financial situation? One of the members of the couple could have a massive debt, or they could be spending their money on gambling when the other is scrimping and saving. You need to know these things before you make decisions. It could be a terrible idea to move to an expensive area where you'll have less discretionary spending available if one of the members of the couple has a debt that needs to be paid regularly (ie can't reduce their discretionary spending). If you're going to invest, you need to know what the total investments are to see what should be sold to fund a better performing investment etc. If you have no idea what the couple's total assets are how can you possibly do this?

      There's also the fact that the couple will do better financially if they can both contribute to decisions and bring both their experiences into the discussion. One member might have an insight that the other hasn't thought of and vice versa. You can't do this if you don't both have all the information you need.

      If you are just dating that makes sense, but if you consider yourself life partners, it does not.

      • FairDeal on 26/06/2022 - 14:57
        -8

        If you don't already know that your partner has a debt or a gambling problem BEFORE you share your financial situation with them then you're already in a scenario where you should NOT be sharing your financial information with that person.

        As to all the other scenarios ppl will contrive to justify "full financial transparency" and/or their own situation such as buy a house together etc we'll of course you need to share as much as required so you can make an informed decision, that was never in debate.

        What the OP was asking is wether just because you're in a relationship this dictates you must share ALL your financial information. Of course go ahead if you wish but don't go around with the mistaken belief that YOUR relationship is better or stronger than someone who chooses not to.

        If you still think you're better then I suggest you talk to a few of the 60% of marriages that ended in divorce because just like you they stood at the alter and said "for better or worse and until death do us part" …they "parted" long before death and also "parted" with a lot of money to their divorce lawyers.

        But hey you believe whatever makes you feel better than the rest of us… you live in "The Matrix" whilst I swallowed the red pill many years ago so carry the "burden of knowledge" that you don't.

        • Quantumcat on 26/06/2022 - 15:01
          +3

          If you don't already know that your partner has a debt or a gambling problem BEFORE you share your financial situation with them

          You aren't born with a debt. You can get into debt anytime after a relationship starts.

          If you still think you're better then I suggest you talk to a few of the 60% of marriages that ended in divorce because just like you they stood at the alter and said "for better or worse and until death do us part" …they "parted" long before death and also "parted" with a lot of money to their divorce lawyers.

          They probably weren't really in life together as partners in the first place. Trust is fundamental.

    • cashews on 27/06/2022 - 07:50
      +2

      during the divorce which occurs for 60% of marriages within 3yrs

      Don't know where you pulled this stat from but it is not anywhere near correct.

      • FairDeal on 01/07/2022 - 12:06

        Don't know where you pulled your not even a stat but just OPINION "but it is not anywhere near correct." from.

        At least mine IS a STAT. It has been quoted from several reputable sources however as I'm not being paid for my time to write I didn't fully reference as per my University training.

        Why don't you go ahead and find and reference a "stat" that disproves this rather than trying to discredit by pulling an OPINION from you AR$e.

  • koolade on 26/06/2022 - 09:50

    Depending on the cultural background, it is common. In some cultures couples get married to each other quite soon after meeting each other for the first time, and it takes a few years after that to become completely open and comfortable with each other. If this couple has been together for long (say over 3-4 years) then it could possibly hint at trust issues, otherwise not a problem at all.

    • cookie2 on 26/06/2022 - 20:52

      What cultural backgrounds tend to share less at the beginning? Intrigued.

      • koolade on 27/06/2022 - 13:07
        +2

        From my experience, subcontinental cultures. Not trying to generalise here, but they are not as open with each other even after marriage.

  • Blargman2001 on 26/06/2022 - 09:55
    +8

    Money between me and my partner is all 'our' money. We have a saying in our family, if there's a problem and money makes it go away (given it doesn't send you broke) then it isn't a problem. Money is only a fleeting thing and letting it get between your relationship is unnecessary. Kindness to each other is more important.

  • outlander on 26/06/2022 - 10:00
    +2

    Common, yes. Normal, no. How are you supposed to make joint decisions for the best of everyone if you don't know all the information?

    Fine if you don't have kids I guess.

  • MissKitten1 on 26/06/2022 - 10:05

    That's just weird and this is coming from someone that doesn't have a joint account with husband of 10 years and together for 18.

    • MrBear on 26/06/2022 - 10:19
      +6

      That's also weird.

      • MissKitten1 on 28/06/2022 - 13:34

        I'm not hiding my finances. He pays for my tax return via his accountant so knows full well what my income is. We don't need a joint account to pay the bills and budget and when I told him I wanted a pair of not very ozbargain sneakers, he pulled out 2/3 of the amount in cash from his wallet and said Herr you go (after lecturing me that designer items are a waste of money). It works for us, bearing in mind for a significant period he was a sole trader tradie collecting GST and not spending that or the estimate PAYG quarterly payment.

  • iminabrons on 26/06/2022 - 11:07
    +2

    It seems to me that they should introduce each other as their "convenience" rather than partner.

  • IpGem on 26/06/2022 - 11:15
    +1

    With some people it's their own life, own savings. With some it's own life, combined savings.. none of them need therapies

    • ozbjunkie on 27/06/2022 - 05:57

      Yeah there is a whole lot of "my way is best" in here.

      Followed by something like "then you don't know real love and never will" or alternatively "you are a moron living in a world that will come crashing down in divorce".

      I, for one, hope everyone's relationships last and are wonderful. But also I hope nobody is taken advantage of by their partner. Sometimes transparency will help this. But sometimes not.

      Roll the dice, and take your chances. Or just be autonomous adults but that's just my opinion.

  • TheBird on 26/06/2022 - 11:16
    +2

    Who cares?

    You do you. Everyone should do what works for them. If it doesn't… well… that's where the pain begins.

    • surg3on on 28/06/2022 - 11:00
      +1

      Exactly. I dont care what consenting people do in bed or the bank.

  • THICKnSLOW on 26/06/2022 - 11:41
    +1

    "Normal" heh.

    It might be easier to judge a book by it's cover.

    • ozbjunkie on 27/06/2022 - 05:58

      Never met a normal person in my life. Much more typical to be abnormal.

  • kanmen on 26/06/2022 - 11:41
    +4

    I suspect she's earning more and thinks that your friend wouldn't be happy with that.

    They need therapy.

    • sakurashu on 26/06/2022 - 22:28
      +2

      My guess would actually be that she spends all of her money/has terrible savings habits; this happened to a friend of mine

  • bigbadboogieman on 26/06/2022 - 11:58
    +5

    Your friend's situation is not common infact it feels very abnormal. Money is usually the biggest elephant in the room. The sooner your friend deals with this, the more space his family will have to enjoy their lives.

    • I and my spouse have a joint bank account.
    • We pool our salaries directly into our offset account.
    • We have joint mortgage and ownership of our home.
    • We both have very different salaries but we both contribute to the best of our abilities into the mortgage with no hard feelings as one contributes less than the other.
    • We have our password manager linked accounts where we both have access to all our accounts. Financial and non-financial.
    • We have shared access to all our financial records, excel sheets, investments, tax returns, etc.
    • We have joint pools and complete transparency on spending categories.
    • geoffs87 on 26/06/2022 - 12:52

      Are you my wife? This is pretty much exactly us (except our incomes aren’t too different, but I did come into the marriage with an investment property which was sold as a deposit for our family home, owned equally)

  • StingyBritches on 26/06/2022 - 12:01

    Different strokes. Different folks.

    What worked for us is Mrs. Stingy gave me control of all finances. Everything is joint except one account of hers that I also have access to.

    The big thing is that we discuss all financial matters before I commit to anything.

    That strategy has worked well for more than two decades.

  • try2bhelpful on 26/06/2022 - 12:27
    +1

    The man and I have been together 42 years.

    We both worked, no kids. We are now, both, retiring.

    We both have our own bank accounts, shares and super. We, also, have some joint shares and bank accounts.

    When we worked we, roughly, knew what each other was earning but it wasn’t something either insisted on knowing.

    When we were buying our house my wage went into the house and we lived off the man’s; including him paying the credit cards. When we’d paid off the house, and I got a free platinum credit card, I paid the credit card. We both pushed money into Super. Now we are retired we will top up our super, from our savings, and each draw down from our accounts.

    In the end I had the higher paying job and have more shares, and super, but it is, all, our money.

    Frankly I would recommend every women should have a “walk out the door tomorrow” stash of cash; just in case. A partner trying to micromanage my funds would set off alarm bells.

    My suggestion is your friend spreadsheet the bills and the money needed to cover them is put into a bank account by both parties. Then create another account for “future” funding, like a house. This should be about what you are trying to achieve rather than what you are earning.

    • ozbjunkie on 27/06/2022 - 06:01
      +3

      I always read your posts with interest because your name always seems to check out.

      As a man I also want my partner to always have "walk out the door money" because the last thing I want is a partner that feels like they in any way have to stay with me. Especially if that reason is financial.

      Also I'm happy that your marriage has worked out and that money has not been a major point of tension in your relationship :)

      • try2bhelpful on 27/06/2022 - 12:45
        +6

        Actually we aren't married. It may sound corny but my view is we make the commitment every day, not just at a ceremony. Although, we say it is apathy; we can't be bothered finding anyone else.

        My man is a, truly, amazing person. Kind, considerate, and supportive. The more I read about "some men" the more I realise how lucky I've been. I truly don't think that "men" are the enemy; it is a mindset of a subset of people that are the issue.

        My feminist principles are about rights and responsibilities. It is not just about being able to choose it is about stepping up and owning the choices. It is allowing others to have choices as well. At times my man has had some stressful, and unpleasant, jobs and I've been able to support him to go elsewhere; even if it meant a pay cut to do it. I much prefer he is happy with what he does, and we live more frugally, than expect him to continue to do a job he hates.

        I don't come from money, my parents never got past fourth form equivalent, but my mother was determined I was headed to Uni from the time I was in kindergarten. I was brought up to expect that I would support myself through life. I was expected to prioritise my education to get the marks needed to set me up for the future. In my job I stepped up to take on responsibilities. You have to walk the walk, as well as talk the talk. I worked in networking IT and was, often, the only woman in the room so I had to be the one that made the difference.

        Frankly, the basis of a healthy relationship is the knowledge that your partner could walk out the door, anytime, if they wanted to. It makes you consider what you need to do to keep them there. How does a decision become a win/win? What are the joint goals and what space is required?

        Thanks for the approval. This space can be very negative, at times.

  • serpserpserp on 26/06/2022 - 12:35

    I find it interesting that the OP posted this. If the genders were reversed in the story, would anyone bat an eyelid? The majority of men over 35 are not transparent with their wives over how much they earn.

    • try2bhelpful on 26/06/2022 - 12:59
      +4

      Then insist it is his money so she shouldn't complain what he spends his money on. When I was young my mother said "never depend on a man for a living" and it is something I've lived by. Women should understand the finances and be aware of what is going on in the household. They should, also, have enough of their own money to walk out the door if they need to.

    • sakurashu on 26/06/2022 - 22:29

      Yeah I'd think it was dodgy either way - keeping some money separate for yourself is one thing but you should still be transparent about it

    • maverickjohn on 26/06/2022 - 23:55
      +3

      Disagree with you there as for me personally no matter who this came from it sounds unmarried like.
      Comments like this should no longer be a part of discussion as it's still trying to bring an old way of thinking. People should be treated as equals and these comments are lingering to create a division in class

    • larndis on 28/06/2022 - 11:02
      +1

      I think that's just the majority of men YOU know. I don't know of any healthy relationships that are based on one peson controlling the other.

  • charkwayteo on 26/06/2022 - 12:43

    Bit weird. My wife and I have our own accounts. We both disclose what we have in them whenever asked but we don't ever really ask. We have a joint account for the mortgage and both throw most our monthly wage to the offset. We both earn roughly the same.

    As for shopping we both pay whenever ..never keep tabs on anything. Before we were married we did keep more strict tabs on expenses, but it was a pita.

  • geoffs87 on 26/06/2022 - 12:51
    +6

    I don’t tell my wife how much I spend on ozbargain related purchases, otherwise our finances are completely open book.

    I’m saying that, I’m not sure she ever opens the book… but we’re very transparent

  • gromit on 26/06/2022 - 13:10

    very weird, obviously some serious trust issues in the relationship, perhaps one of them has done something in the past to cause that? My wife knows exactly how much I earn and I know how much she earns, We have separate accounts but that is more a convenience and legacy thing than anything. They probably need some therapy or perhaps need to think if they are with the right person in life.

  • SgtBatten on 26/06/2022 - 13:12
    +3

    My wife and i met in highschool. combined finances after about 5 years. got married after another 2-3 years. Invest in her name due to lower income. Only separate money is a small allowance each fortnight which is mean for our guilt free purchases and secret gifts etc.

    Have used YNAB since 2013 and tracked every dollar (excluding small allowances) since then. Never had a drama.

    • drprox on 26/06/2022 - 14:33
      +1

      That's how we run it. Works an absolute treat. No arguments on frivolous spends and no-one sits on a pile of selfish money that should support the household.
      Honestly even a slightly messy divorce (or seperation of partners) means 50/50 anyway.

      • MITM on 26/06/2022 - 21:27

        Excluding superannuation accounts.

        • drprox on 27/06/2022 - 09:29
          +1

          Nope pretty sure they're on the table too sometimes!

          • Yola on 28/06/2022 - 17:35

            @drprox: Yes, they are and can be reallocated.

  • TheTwo on 26/06/2022 - 13:41
    +1

    Wife and I have our own accounts where our wages are deposited into. We know how much each other earn. I do earn more so pay all the utility bills as well as water and council rates, home insurance and the mortgage. I've brought it up that she should at least pay a portion of these but she believes it's a man's job to pay these! We do however share the grocery bills, eating out and expenses for the kids. I do as I please with what I earn and so does she. I believe this works best for us so there is no argument about whose money is being spent on what especially if one party is buying things exclusively for themselves e.g. makeup, shoes, hair saloon.

    • MITM on 26/06/2022 - 21:38

      Who’s name is the mortgage in ? Did you need two incomes to qualify?

      • TheTwo on 26/06/2022 - 22:34

        Both names, one income to qualify.

    • sakurashu on 26/06/2022 - 22:31

      She should pay a percentage of them representative to the percentage of her income of your combined income imo

      • TheTwo on 26/06/2022 - 22:35
        +1

        That was my reasoning too…

        • ozbjunkie on 27/06/2022 - 06:05
          +2

          And this is where I have issues. A "proportional contribution" would also be my preference.

          It seems fair.
          It is your preference.

          But it is not happening because "you're the man and you should…." Or "love is where…"

          Which I find distasteful.

          • TheTwo on 27/06/2022 - 10:53
            +1

            @ozbjunkie: Yep, agree. I also forgot to mention I used to fully pay the kids' private school fees. Don't forget the old saying "You're money is my money, my money is my money" and "Happy wife, happy life"! 😂

  • drprox on 26/06/2022 - 14:03

    Seriously you're married and still holding your cards that close?
    They're insane, commit them.

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