How to Prep for Getting a Dog When about to Start a Family

LplastererJazz on 11/02/2021 - 14:37

Hi

We are mid 30s couple and work 9 - 5 and we really like to have a dog in our family.

My partner and I are dog lover since kids and both of us have years of experience caring and raising dogs in our family.

Now we are caring for a dog whose previous owner had some family difficulties and had let him go.

We want this one to be our part of family officially.

But the major challenge is that my partner is concerning what if we don't have time and energy to take care of the dog during her pregnancy and for the first few years of our future baby growing up.

How shall we overcome this and how shall we be prepared for it?

Obviously, I have no experience with the kid and pregnancy stuff so I post here seeking advice from experienced.

Kind Regard

Pets

Comments

  • Belgarath on 11/02/2021 - 14:41
    +7

    Dont take the dog? Absolutely not fair to the poor dog who has already gone through an awful situation, if you already are asking how to overcome your energy concerns.

    • plastererJazz on 11/02/2021 - 14:45

      Thanks, Belgarath,

      We don't have this problem now and he is really happy with us growing bigger every day.

      We know there are many families raising babies with dog/cat.

      Just want some advice and strategies to manage this possible problem in the future.

  • Jolakot on 11/02/2021 - 14:50
    +1

    Depends on when you're planning to have kids.

    If it's in years, and you know for certain that the dog will be good with kids, then bring in the dog now, let them settle for a while, and then have the kid. I've seen this work out fantastically, especially with caring breeds, almost a 24/7 babysitter that won't let the kid out of its sights.

    If it's soon, then wait 4-5 years until after the kid is independent and can be taught respect for animals. Don't mix a puppy and a baby, cute photos but you'll lose all your hair trying to figure out who exactly peed on the couch. Bringing an adult dog home into a family with a baby can be dangerous, as you don't know it well enough to have confidence that it'll be comfortable with it.

    • plastererJazz on 12/02/2021 - 09:25

      Appreciate your advice

      My circumstance will fail into "in years" category.

      He is 8 months maremma sheepdog, a livestock guardian breed, and he is super friendly with human (adult/baby) as well as other animals.

  • pharkurnell on 11/02/2021 - 14:52
    +9

    To me it sounds like it may not be a good idea, your already having doubts.

    You 'work 9-5' - what time would the dog be left alone?
    Babies take a lot of time too, shit loads. I have heard situations of dogs getting 'jealous' too which can be bad.

    You've had dogs, so would know dogs get bored really easily and can do a lot of damage when bored - worse when they have had all your time and now have a lot less

    . We had a young Lab and change of jobs meant that nobody was home 6-6 daily.. dog got bored, did ~5000 damage (eg: pool solar x2, hot water heater, lots more). - lady up the road her Lab had recently died of old age and happily took him off our hands - so he ended up with a great life.

    Not saying it cant be done, but think more about the animal

    • plastererJazz on 12/02/2021 - 09:32

      Thank you

      I completely understand your point.

      This was one of my concern too hence why I have chosen to temporarily foster him before making a life-changing decision.

      It turns out he spends most of his day sleeping.

      Yes, he does chew on things he shouldn't have but the situation has been improved.

  • MS Paint on 11/02/2021 - 14:55
    +1

    It's not rocket science to raise a new family and care for a dog. Don't over think it.

    Common sense applies.

    • plastererJazz on 12/02/2021 - 09:33

      Mate I'm with you.

      I'm posting to prove to my partner this can be done.

      • MS Paint on 12/02/2021 - 11:15

        Just saw your update that it's a Maremma. As the owner of a 4 year old female maremma who is an inside dog she is bloody awesome. The family is her flock and she is a great guard dog. She sleeps a lot (well pretends to) and plays and interacts with our 2 other working dogs like any other breed. As long as your maremma was raised in a litter in a domestic environment and not with sheep I'm guessing it will be fine. Maremmas use their bark, tail and hackles to dominate so their barking is the only real issue I could see trying to raise a baby with one.

  • Quantumcat on 11/02/2021 - 15:44
    +4

    Bad idea. Better to have your baby first and wait a couple of years so your child is a bit easier before getting a puppy, or a dog that's been proven good with kids. You won't have the energy to walk the dog or play with him when you've just had your first baby, you'll barely be able to feed yourselves or do anything in between the baby needing something but sleep. And when you go back to work and the wife is still on maternity leave, she will want you to take the baby as soon as you get home. No time for any dog walking. If your dog is bored you might find them barking all day or all night or both, ripping up stuff in your back yard, escaping, etc. Not fun.

    If you really really want to keep the dog then you need to do a few things.

    1. Start obedience training right away. You want a dog that will walk to heel and not be interested in running after other dogs he sees or cats or anything else interesting. When you have a pram you don't want it being knocked over or pulled first of all, and second of all you can't go chasing after a wayward dog. If your dog wants to chase after something you'll have to just let go of the lead and hope he decides to come back one day (and doesn't cause too much mayhem while roaming).

    2. Set up areas where the dog can go where no one will disturb him, and toddlers can't get to. Train him to use it (by never touching him while he's there). That way if your toddler annoys him too much he has the power to get out of the situation and won't feel cornered and helpless which could result in a bite.

    3. Get the phone numbers of some local dog walkers so that when you feel too exhausted to contemplate taking the dog for a walk you can call them. Some local teenagers who will do odd jobs will be helpful too, for things like brushing the dog, picking up dog poo in the back yard, things like that.

    • endotherm on 11/02/2021 - 15:58
      +6

      Please tell me where to find these magical teenagers that pick up shit?

      • Bad Wolf on 11/02/2021 - 23:04
        +1

        From a recent letter drop in my area rates are
        $5/week take the garbage bins out
        $5/week pick up dog poop
        $20/hour dog walking
        There are certainly kids out there will to do chores for $$$$$

  • slow on 11/02/2021 - 15:50
    +1

    Think carefully

    I don't particularly like dogs, but my wife had always wanted one, so we got one.. It was like her baby

    Then we had a human babies and she lost interest in the dog.
    The dog developed bad behavioral issues and on a few occasions was aggressive to the kids, no doubt as a direct result

    • What is rrp on 11/02/2021 - 15:59

      damn, then what happened?

      • No on 11/02/2021 - 16:27
        +1

        Dog moved to a lovely farm far away so we can't visit, but he's doing great!

      • elgrande on 11/02/2021 - 16:41
        +1

        Dog was given to OP..

    • MS Paint on 11/02/2021 - 16:06

      What happened next?

    • SF3 on 11/02/2021 - 23:50

      Cliffhanger 😮

    • slow on 12/02/2021 - 09:33

      What happened next ?

      Well I ended up having to take her for walks etc, and we couldn't leave her with the kids unattended, but fortunately were able to find a new home for her

    • plastererJazz on 12/02/2021 - 09:35

      Sorry to hear that, that is a bad dog behaviour.

    • bargain huntress on 13/02/2021 - 22:29
      +1

      i am judging you and your wife
      i feel bad about it but i am

      how do you 'lose interest' in a dog?

  • netjock on 11/02/2021 - 15:54
    +2

    Share custody with someone else so you can get your time with the dog and they can take it for a few days a week to give you time to do your other stuff.

    • Switchblade88 on 11/02/2021 - 19:39

      Do you pay child support too?

      • netjock on 11/02/2021 - 22:33

        You mean dog support. Try to find someone that will take their share of the cost.

  • elgrande on 11/02/2021 - 16:43

    How to Prep for Getting a Dog When about to Start a Family

    Now we are caring for a dog

    Problem solved, no prep required..

  • Randxyz123 on 11/02/2021 - 17:15
    +1

    You already have the dog right? So can you hold off on starting a family for a year or so while the dog gets settled with you? I’m sure you will be able to engage some friends/family to take him/her for a walk if you are simply out of energy that day.

    • ChocStrawberries on 11/02/2021 - 17:37
      +3

      Kids don't always just "happen" either. It could take years for a baby to appear (they're never guaranteed!) so in the meantime you could be training your dog and making it a well-mannered member of your household. If you do this, are there kids/babies in your life that you could expose the dog to slowly, so that it's not freaked out when one suddenly appears at home?

  • morse on 11/02/2021 - 18:09
    +4

    We have a dog and a 16 month old. Our dog is old, we adopted him 7 years ago when he was 7 before kids were on the cards. Giving the baby and dog enough attention does take a lot of energy - frankly it would be easier without the dog but we love him and they are pretty cute together. One good thing for the dog is I started working from home more when I was pregnant and since we are at home a lot more. Trying to keep the house clean is impossible with the two of them. Walks for the dog have pros and cons - it means we get out everyday with the baby, but we have to factor that into our plans. Many of the parents with babies I know have dogs so it’s definitely doable. Some things that might help if you’re definitely keeping the dog:
    - invest in a stick vacuum and/or robot vacuum
    - get into a routine for walks with the dog that might help the baby (we do an evening walk each day that in the early days helped with “witching hour”
    - make sure you have someone lined up to look after the dog for when you have the baby, we were in hospital for 5 days and we had already arranged for our neighbours to have him knowing the baby could come at any time.

    • morse on 11/02/2021 - 18:15
      +1

      Oh and maybe if you’re planning for a certain area to be a baby room/zone start making it a no go for the dog in advance. We also got a large play pen early so we could put the baby down for tummy time etc without the risk of the dog squishing the baby. Baby and dog are now allowed to free range together but the dog doesn’t go on the play mat where the play pen was.

    • plastererJazz on 12/02/2021 - 09:42

      Appreciate sharing your experience with me.

  • The-Kremlin on 11/02/2021 - 20:33
    +1

    One word… Don't.

  • Seraphin7 on 11/02/2021 - 20:34
    +2

    I've seen so many animals effectively "kicked to the curb" in this circumstance. If not literally, then certainly in terms of attention, etc. This scenario often ends in tears. Tread carefully.

  • MontyMacaw on 12/02/2021 - 09:07
    +2

    You have no idea of the kid and pregnancy stuff? NOBODY DOES until it happens. Let me enlighten you with a simple explanation. It is like your whole world is transported to the biggest busiest railway station in the world with people everywhere wanting everything and screaming trains constantly powering through your bedroom, living room and bathroom. The world as you know it will never be the same and the next 10 years will be the exact opposite of the slumberland you currently enjoy.

    Anybody disagree?

    And you want to add a new dog into that mix?

    • plastererJazz on 12/02/2021 - 09:40
      +2

      Thank you

      Your words have literally visualised in front of my eyes.

      unrelated topic - I don't like a kid.

      • ChocStrawberries on 12/02/2021 - 11:18
        +1

        Wait - you don't want kids?

        • plastererJazz on 12/02/2021 - 14:14

          Yes, I don't want one but this might change because my partner wants one.

          Having kids mean loads of work and less time and money to do things I normally like to do.

          Also, my entire family has kept telling everyone else while I was around how hard to raise me as a baby because I was constantly sick.

          I would definitely not want to go over that myself.

          • Peck on 12/02/2021 - 14:28
            +2

            @plastererJazz: IMHO, in my experience as a man with children, and to generalize, I think that women are naturally maternal, but for a man the amazement, joy, paternalism etc. comes after the birth. I thank God for my 2 wonderful sons. Having children has given meaning to my life…….. I won't ramble on.

            • plastererJazz on 12/02/2021 - 16:23
              +1

              @Peck: Good for you, wish you and your sons good heath.

              I can empathise your feeling but I can't feel the same way to my own as I know my family is telling the truth and some of my health issues are generic and it most likely will pass down and that results in more work raising a baby

          • whitelie on 12/02/2021 - 14:31

            @plastererJazz: If you think having kids is just more work and less money for superficial things, then you aren't ready for kids.
            Some will change their perspective the minute the child is born but many also don't. If you can't put your own child's needs before your own, it won't be a "happily ever after" for you and your partner. Simple as that.

            If your partner wants kids, do they know you don't?

            • plastererJazz on 12/02/2021 - 16:19

              @whitelie: Total agreed I'm not ready not even 1%.

              It ain't something I could try then say yes or no to.

              My partner knows and she doesn't like kids too but, for some reason, she wants one, maybe the whole life journey experience thing.

              • whitelie on 12/02/2021 - 16:26

                @plastererJazz: Maybe she's thinking further in to the future. Not necessarily ready but if you're mid 30's now, there may not be a whole heap of time (especially for her) later on. The closer you get to 40 and beyond, it can get increasingly difficult to fall pregnant, not to mention the process is harder on her body plus being young enough to actually do stuff with the kid as they grow up.

                • plastererJazz on 13/02/2021 - 09:38

                  @whitelie: Right we know

                  But I feel like we are discussing more on if to have kid rather than how to make it dog and kid co-exist with less effort

                  • whitelie on 13/02/2021 - 09:53
                    +1

                    @plastererJazz: I've got 3 kids with a 4th on the way and two big dogs.
                    My dogs knew when my wife was pregnant last time, down to the week of when the baby was arriving they wouldn't leave her side. As soon as the baby arrived, they knew it was a member of the family and they know their position in the hierarchy of the family. Our youngest is 2.5 now and head height with our German Shepherd. They're pretty much inseparable, best of friends and will be for the dog's life. If I let the GSD sleep in the kid's room, she would without a doubt.

                    Dogs don't need to be a lot of work, they don't take a lot of "effort" unless you don't like being with the dogs. Like kids, if you see exercising it, training it, mentally stimulating it, just generally spending time with it as "work", then you probably shouldn't get a dog. Get a cat instead. Because of the breeds, I spent a lot of time early on training them and now they are nearly perfect. One 30min walk a day and the odd trip to the beach is all they need. Rest of the time they pretty much laze around the house.

              • Leo Getz on 13/02/2021 - 00:22
                +1

                @plastererJazz: She doesn't like kids too!
                Wait, what?
                So neither of you really want kids.

                It's perfectly ok to have a dog, live your best life and never have kids.
                If it doesn't work out with the dog, it can be rehomed.
                With a kid, well, it can be rehomed too I suppose.

                If you don't want kids a bazillion percent, go with the dog.

                A dog is an amazing member of a family, with kids, even better.

                You mentioned health illness as a baby yourself.
                Get one of those DNA test things done, you and your partner.
                The results might help decide on whether you should have a child together.

                There is no right or wrong answer.
                All the best to you and your partner.

                • plastererJazz on 13/02/2021 - 09:35

                  @Leo Getz: Oh yes thanks for your advice

                  All the best to you too

                  Yeah kinda wired both of us have doubts on having kid but still considering other major decisions with kid as one of factors

                  • ChocStrawberries on 13/02/2021 - 09:55
                    +1

                    @plastererJazz: A lot of people don't realise that it's possible to live an amazing life without kids. We tried for many years to start a family, lost a lot of babies, and ended up coming to terms with the fact that we'd never be parents. Although there are times we feel their absence (Christmas, trips to Disneyland, etc) we see other family and friends struggling with their kids, and one friend even admitted that she's always regretted having hers. I imagine that would be the absolute worst feeling…

                    We have the world's best dog, who fills the need for something to nurture and love, and have a great life with loads of travel (before Covid!) and can spend our time and money on whatever we like. It's not how we saw our life panning out, but we know we've got it good. Honestly, if someone could wave a wand and give us kids now, I'd say no thanks. :)

      • morse on 12/02/2021 - 13:22

        Oh! I kinda assumed you had one on the way when you wrote “her pregnancy”.

        Kids are definitely more work than dogs - but on the positive side, you can take your kid places like planes, shops, restaurants, but usually not a dog. Positive side of a dog is you can leave them at home unattended as long as they have a bowl of water and a cool place to snooze.

  • Darayus on 12/02/2021 - 09:31

    First of all get a small managable dog who dont shed lot of hair. Dogs understand babies and they really take care of them if you tell them, because they understand and they are not dumb. Better you get dog home trained so that he does not do business in home and wake you up at night in case he want to go out. Also if you are staying in apartment then stright no because there are lots of restriction from strata for not to keep dogs at home.

    let your neighbours takes your dog out when you are away for long period of time, that what we do as our neigbour who is now retired and getting bored so he comes in early afternoon and take our boy to his home and dog stay with him, they go out to park to gether and both gets good company and so it's win win for both.

    Once you have baby your dog is trained and under verbal command then everything will work smoothly.

    • plastererJazz on 12/02/2021 - 09:36

      Thank you. yes all my adjacent neighbours have dogs and they are nice :)

  • Lastchancetosee on 12/02/2021 - 10:12

    My family and many others of my age always had pets, dogs and cats from when we were babies to after we left home. There was no conflict of interest or time, but we also had a decent sized backyard, so there was plenty of room for the animals to play and dig and mess around.

    It is perfectly possible to care for children and pets at the same time - millions of people do it successfully. I guess part of that depends on whether you want a pet or something like a fur baby where you anthropomorphise it and make it the centre of your life. All pets need to be socialised so that they are safe around other people and children, in any case.

    If you and the dog are happy, go for it. Just set up house rules that will be sustainable for if/when baby arrives to minimise disruption for the pet.

    Good luck.

  • Peck on 12/02/2021 - 10:59
    +1

    I am retired and I walk a neighbour's dog. I get as much benefit out of it as he does. And so that is 2 happy old dogs! However it may be difficult to find a free dog walker.
    I agree with others that dogs need companionship and activity to stop boredom. And you need to have nearby support for dog minding.
    I have looked at dog rescue but all dogs the size that I want are very old and not well. I don't need the heartbreak of a couple of difficult years and then its death.
    However, my point is, that if you have a young dog, you would be swamped with offers from very good families, that you could screen, and they could give him the life that he needs. Difficult decision as you will have already bonded with him. But you could make that decision at a time when you are sure. The best of luck.

  • OzHunterNSW on 12/02/2021 - 19:55
    +1

    You both don't have time and certainly not when kids come around. I would wait till the kids are a bit older then obtain a puppy which will grow with them

  • bargain huntress on 13/02/2021 - 22:40
    +1

    you and your lady are not sure why or if you want kids
    you're not even sure you want a dog

    these are both commitments
    it's ok to be scared, maybe even terrified, but you need to be committed
    don't bring someone into your family unless they can stay forever
    that goes for dogs and kids
    there are already too many unwanted kids and unwanted dogs in the world
    and a rejection and ejection from a family effects anyone it happens to human or dog for life

    i strongly suggest you seek out some counciling with a psychologist (or several if you don't like the first one) to help you both work out what you actually want both seperately and together as a couple

    • plastererJazz on 14/02/2021 - 05:54
      +1

      Appreciate your advice

      We were uncertain if we are ready to commit to dog we currently caring.

      We have bonded over past a few weeks. And I want him to stay and make it official (registry update).

      My partner sort of wants this too but she has brought up the kid question that neither of could answer hence this post seeking all of your input

      Like some suggested the best timing would be after first kid reaches 2 or 3 years old to get a dog.

      Giving up a good behaved dog because of a non existed kid isn’t logic to me.

      Shrink might be the way to go

      Regard

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