Bit of a long story so please take caution on time reading, but I find OzB good for advice on stuff like this, so thanks for your patience.
So I recently started a new part time job (bit less than 3 months ago). It's hands on, shift work with physical labour. We need to work in teams to make sure things get done within a certain time frame every 40 to 120 minutes depending on schedule.
There are levels to this job, and being inexperienced and untrained in the industry, I've started at the bottom.
You could say I'm overqualified because it's a physical labour job without any education requirements, and it's minimum wage but with great overtime and penalty rates. I've got a uni degree- but I don't care about that or the money- I like the idea of getting paid to exercise and working outdoors and doing only 30 hours a week (gotta look after my 11 month old son 2 days a week and my wife makes very good money in her job as a part time employee).
Anyway, the new job is going well, except I have one co-worker who is really starting to get under my skin. This person has been there 8 months, so a bit longer than me, and they are doing the exact same job as me. I am a hard worker and reasonably fast learner. Not perfect but average/better than average at picking things up.
From about one week in, this person started to getting into the habit of pointing out what I'm doing wrong, then advising me of the 'correct' way to do things. Although the 'correct' way would like telling me I'm mowing the lawn the wrong way, or making the bed the wrong way. eg Every person has their own style of completing this job, and as long as it's done correctly, safely and on time, there is no specific correct way- the official company trainer explained this to me and said I'm doing really well.
So yeah, this co-worker got into the habit of correcting me. I was okay with this, because I thought it must be this persons way of trying to help (even though the social awareness of how they were saying things wasn't there).
I thought that because I was new, I'll just shut up and nod and say 'sorry'- not wanting to cause any trouble as the new guy. (There were 3 of us who started at the same time). As a side note, this co-worker is a hard worker and is a reliable team member. Always on time, stays behind if needed- someone you can rely on. So there's no issues there and I'll give credit where it's due.
Anyway, after about 2-3 weeks it got to a point where the rude 'correcting' and helping, became, what I think is, aggressive, targeting behaviour. It came to a climax one afternoon when my co-worker basically lost their temper and aggressively said I was trying to do too much at once, and that it was going to cause a mistake that would cost us time, and that I needed to do one job at a time. (plenty of people do two jobs at a time, I now realize co-worker was probably upset that I was getting more done in the same amount of time, and didn't like it). Again, I said 'Okay, I'll take what you're saying on board'.
Literally 10 minutes later, the co-worker started doing the exact same thing they'd just yelled at me about. So I pointed it out and said 'so are you allowed to do that and I'm not?'. Co worker got defensive and said they were just trying to help get things done quickly, and that I need to calm down. So I confronted them right there and explained that they'd just told me not to do that, in a condescending, aggressive tone, and it was becoming a pattern, and that they needed to back off, or there was going to be a problem. (not a physical problem, just that I wasn't going to put up with it.)
They then apologised and said that it wasn't me, it was their personal situation at home, and that a close family member is dying of cancer. I already knew this as co-worker brings it up regularly with everyone as an excuse for their behavior.
Regardless, I said I respect their hard work and appreciated their 'helping' me as a newer member of the team. Although I'd already complimented this person on their hard work multiple times over the past few weeks, this broke the ice slightly and released some tension out of the situation. I thought all was good.
Anyway so the next few weeks were a bit better. This person was quieter around me, but wasn't seeking me out or being aggressive- were getting along fine on the same shifts. I tried building some commonalities with them but co-worker really isn't interested. This is the kind of person that, when they do bother making an effort to talk to you, talks about themselves but never asks you or anyone else how they are or anything about their lives.
I've never been interested in being friends with this co-worker just want a decent work environment where everyone gets along and respects each other.
Anyway, co-worker went away for a month on holidays, which I thought would be great so they could get some rest and mental refuge. I have gotten better at my job with a bit more experience, and enjoying it.
This co-worker has now gone back to being very quick to point out how wrong I am when I do something incorrectly- even when these things are rather trivial. eg; they wouldn't point small things out like this to other co-workers, but will jump all over it if it was me and also do it aggressively, negatively. Like with a real scowl or angry expression so others can see it.
I also have a feeling they're talking shit about me to other co-workers.
So yeah, my mistakes were at times, real mistakes. Nothing serious, just part of the learning curve of every job.
My question is, should I confront this person again and basically tell them to politely Mod: Foul Language off? This person has only been back from their holiday for 2 weeks, and I've worked maybe 4 or 5 shifts for a total of 20-25 hours with them, but they're back to the same crap from before- it's now got to the point where they won't say hi to me when they walk in. I say 'hey mate', they just look straight ahead and ignore me.
It honestly really is a case of having someone hate you for no real reason at all. I'm a pretty self ware, reasonable person and I've been a manager of 37 staff before. I'm not completely clueless and I've been told by multiple supervisors at work that I'm doing a good job and to just keep doing what I'm doing.
I understand that miserable people like to bring their problems into work and take it out on people who they think are easy targets- but I thought after telling them to back off the first time that the message was clear.
It's almost like this person is back for round 2 and I can't see any way for this to end without me going to my manager (who LOVES me) and telling them that this Mod: Foul Languauge is pretty much a workplace bully.
Problem is I don't want to be that guy at work who dobbed in a co-worker and should 'harden up' in a labourers industry like this.
Would love any advice. Should I talk to coworker again and be firm? Should I just go straight to management? Or should I just document their behaviour and build some evidence before I go to management?
I think my biggest fear about going to management is that my co-workers would label me as the new wimp who couldn't handle a few needles here and there because I really enjoy my job and my other co-workers.
But it just really sucks going to work and having to put up with this for 6 hours at a time and I think this person is having some serious mental/emotional issues of their own that are effecting me (and others) at work.
Thankyou for letting me get that off my chest!
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