Our neighbours are driving me up the wall and I don't know what to do about it

[Deactivated] on 23/06/2019 - 22:46
Last edited 24/06/2019 - 17:28

TL;DR : Everyone in our streets hate our next-door neighbour. So much so that they are all trying to get them to sell their property. We are their only friends and have staunchly defended them (and their right to live on our street) .But after a series of events, I'm starting to resent them too . I feel horrible for thinking it but everything will indeed be so much simpler if they did move out :(

Deleted as there were too many identifying details and didn't want our neighbours to come across this post before we had a chance to discuss our grievances with them.

Thank you :)

Home & Garden

Comments

  • qwerty on 23/06/2019 - 23:28
    +9

    Soundproof your windows

    You could get much much worse neighbours then ones with a sick kid that's friends with your kids

    • Skramit on 24/06/2019 - 08:35

      Not a cheap exercise though. And ambulance sirens will still be heard through double glazed windows and through cracks under doors etc. Probably not worth the expense.

      • qwerty on 24/06/2019 - 11:37
        +1

        I would call up the ambulance ombudsman because they normally dont use sirens in suburban areas at night just lights

        • Skramit on 24/06/2019 - 11:39

          True, when I had to call an ambulance for my wife once late at night, they were out the front for a few mins and we didnt even know as no lights or sirens.

      • sheamas88 on 24/06/2019 - 11:41

        Double glazing will make a huge difference. Unless they have external doors in their bedrooms, then the doors won't be contributing that much.

        • Skramit on 24/06/2019 - 11:43

          Don't get me wrong, it'll help. But some people think converting windows to double or triple glazing will make their house sound proof when a lot of noise still comes through the walls/roof/vents/other gaps still.

  • bdl on 23/06/2019 - 23:28
    +1

    You need to get a chicken coop and put it on the fenceline closest to them (just kidding).

    Holy moly dude, maybe speak to them about the cat killing birds. Keep it all objective and try not to make it personal.

    Sex noises and fights and seizures you can't do much about, yikes - you can maybe report the fights to the police if it gets crazy and late at night.

    https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/774088.Difficult_Convers… <- Also track that book down, some of the strategies may help you when discussing things if you don't want to damage the relationship that you already have.

  • fantombloo on 24/06/2019 - 00:02
    +15

    Cheer on the sex - IME that dampens the mood and quitens things down a bit.

    • John Kimble on 24/06/2019 - 01:19

      bahahaha

    • [Deactivated] on 24/06/2019 - 08:55

      I was once told that sex wasn't a spectator sport by 2 drunken girls pashing in one of the common areas of Menzies college. I wasn't sure if it was a remonstrance for doing a double-take or an invitation to join in.

      I would hate for my neighbours to misinterpret the situation. We are around the age and my wife and I have gone way out of our way to befriend them. Imagine if they thought we wanted to join in their tent fun😲

      • josetann on 24/06/2019 - 13:47
        +1

        Is Pam hot?

        Joking aside, maybe put a motion activated security light, make sure it picks up motion in the tent area. I'd point a camera in the general direction, but not actually in their backyard (privacy reasons). But close enough it picks up the sounds in question. Then you can mention the "strange sounds" your security camera picked up the other night, ask if they noticed anything? If the sounds aren't too, um, "obvious", maybe play it back for them and recommend that they get their own motion activated security camera like you have, in case someone's trespassing on their property in the middle of the night. Maybe even mention that you got the camera after your child complained about how they keep hearing wounded animals in the middle of the night.

  • AustriaBargain on 24/06/2019 - 00:13
    +2

    Post this to reddit for the easy karma.

    • [Deactivated] on 24/06/2019 - 08:57
      +2

      Don't need the karma, just want my 6 hr un-interrupted beauty sleep :)

      • Euphemistic on 25/06/2019 - 20:53
        +1

        No wonder you aren’t coping. You need 7hrs.

  • crashloaded on 24/06/2019 - 01:21
    +1

    Get a rottweiler

  • bobbified on 24/06/2019 - 02:56

    Sometimes when I hear the sirens at 2 a.m and it wakes the whole house, I can't help but wonder if it was really necessary :(

    It's unfortunate that your neighbour's kid has special needs, but to be fair, I think most parents or loved ones would probably err on the side of caution. It's definitely not something you can blame them for.

    However, the "dying animal" noises from the tent in the middle of the night…. well.. you might just need to have that uncomfortable conversation with them! haha

    • ThithLord on 24/06/2019 - 07:49

      but to be fair, I think most parents or loved ones would probably err on the side of caution.

      I doubt that. If a family is dealing with seizures for whatever reason, they'd follow the advice laid out by their doctor.

      Source: my nephew used to have severe seizures and his mum (my sister) and dad followed their plans to the T. No ambulances. He's been seizure free for almost two years now. This is a common method for people in this situation. OP's neighbours are just lazy next Tuesdays

      • bobbified on 24/06/2019 - 09:19

        I doubt that.

        Following the doctor's advice AND calling an ambulance isn't going to harm a patient any further. If anything, the paramedics being around gives the family some additional reassurance. NOT calling an ambulance when one is required could be harmful. The judgement as to when that ambulance is called is the important bit. At the end of the phone line, there's still a dispatcher that triages the calls.

        I've been in a similar situation recently and the doctors/nurses always told me to err on the side of caution. They reminded me that there are lots of people who call the ambulances after cutting their fingers. I was told to call the ambulance if a drug didn't work within 5 minutes. There were a number of times where the drug didn't seem to work (but I was still reluctant to call the ambulance, thinking that I'll be okay - think it's a guy thing!). The difference for me between calling and not calling at the right time could've been life or death. Had my family been around, I have no doubt the ambulance would've been called each and every time as a precaution - understandably so.

        • ThithLord on 24/06/2019 - 09:24

          We're talking about frequent, sustained seizures. Not out-of-the-blue seizures. Completely different. So the fact that you've suggested:

          Following the doctor's advice AND calling an ambulance isn't going to harm a patient any further.

          Aligns with OP's suggestion that the Ambulance is called quite often, when it's not actually required. OP said so in the post - they are not following the doctor's advice!

          • bobbified on 24/06/2019 - 09:29

            @ThithLord:

            We're talking about frequent, sustained seizures. Not out-of-the-blue seizures.

            Okay… I'm not going to pretend Im an expert at seizures, but I'd think that the dispatchers would stop sending out ambulances if there wasn't the need?

            they are not following the doctor's advice!

            Now that I re-read OPs post, Im starting to think you're right - OP's neighbours are just being really lazy "because they can".

            • ThithLord on 24/06/2019 - 09:31
              +2

              @bobbified:

              I'd think that the dispatchers would stop sending out ambulances if there wasn't the need?

              Nope. They are legally obliged to dispatch.

              OP's neighbours are just being really lazy "because they can".

              I'd imagine it's very scary having your child amidst a seizure, but they need to pick up their game.

        • [Deactivated] on 24/06/2019 - 09:37

          He can have up to 40 seizures in a week which is why he has an epilepsy management plan in place and the parents have been trained and provided guidelines on when to administer his prn.

          Midaz is a fast-acting hypnotic-sedative drug with muscle relaxant and anticonvulsant properties, among other things. In most cases, it will stop the seizures.

          But yes, I've seen him have a seizure that lasted 4+minutes and it feels like an eternity and is scary as hell.

          • bobbified on 24/06/2019 - 09:42

            @[Deactivated]:

            He can have up to 40 seizures in a week…

            WOW! That really puts things into perspective. Even if they only called the ambulance for half of those.. I now see how it can be a real disturbance for everyone around.

            I haven't seen a long lasting seizure, but I can imagine how scary it'll be and the eternity that it feels like it lasts!

        • [Deactivated] on 24/06/2019 - 11:09
          +1

          AND calling an ambulance isn't going to harm a patient any further.

          No but the deployment of paramedics for non-urgent health problems reduces their availability to respond to medical emergencies and major incidents.

  • JIMB0 on 24/06/2019 - 05:09
    +7

    Why does the ambulance needed to use the siren in the middle of the night? You should complain.

    • orangetrain on 24/06/2019 - 08:54

      All those cars everywhere refuse to move in middle of night.

  • EightImmortals on 24/06/2019 - 07:12
    +7

    -Get a cage to nab the cat in, take it to the council as a feral cat. Say nothing to anyone else about it.

    -Suggest they look into CBD treatment for their son's seizures, it seems to be quite effective dealing with that kind of thing.

    -Put a security light on your fence pointed at the sex tent, when they go out for midnight shag they'll light the whole place up.

    -As for the yelling and screaming suggest they go see a councillor or at least have the consideration not to carry on like three-year-olds while people are sleeping.

    • dogboy on 24/06/2019 - 09:57

      I don't know about trapping the cat. I would maybe get a collar and superglue the damn thing on. If they somehow get it off, give them the bill for it or threaten to call the RSPCA.

      CBD oil - was thinking the same thing. This stuff can work miracles.

      Security light is a good idea.

      I don't think talking to them about conselling is not a good idea as confrontations like that can lead to very hurt feelings and bad will. Instead, I would just call the council/cops for noise disturbance whenever they carry on. If they know that the neighbours are going to call the cops on them then they should pull their heads in a bit as there will be repercussions. In fact, could do the same with the backyard shennanigans as well.

  • emblurr on 24/06/2019 - 07:56
    +1

    I can see the logic with the midnight shag, they won't want to wake their own kid up. But happy to wake up all their neighbours :D ah that sucks, sorry for your situation.

  • Skramit on 24/06/2019 - 08:10
    +1

    The only logical thing to do is create a GoFundMe page for the internet to buy the house from them. Then host massive parties there in the house once it's owned by the internet and you will be legends!

    • [Deactivated] on 24/06/2019 - 11:14

      There's already a buyer interested in buying the property. The owner at the back of their house has made a offer and is open to negotiation.

      The money would be enough to buy a house closer to Frankston Hospital which is where their son always gets taken to by the ambulance, when he does require medical attention. They would also have enough money to get him a seizure dog.

  • jjjaar on 24/06/2019 - 08:46
    +2

    Scatter citrus on your backyard. Next time you get any citrus, throw all the peels around the garden. (Or just cut slices up if that’s easier). Cats dislike it and should stop coming.

    Otherwise, short of getting your own dog, if you have any friends with a dog get them to come over and pee all over your garden every two or so weeks. This smell will scare the cat into thinking there’s a predator around.

    Could always call the cops when you hear them having sex and say it sounds like people fighting. Once they get interrupted once, they may not do it again.

    • [Deactivated] on 24/06/2019 - 09:20

      We have a dog but we also had a cat whom he adored. He's always looking to make new friends unless we tell him otherwise.

      The cat in itself is not the problem. He's just following his instinct to hunt. It's the owners' attitude that bothers me. How hard is it to remember to put one of the 3 collars that we've bought him on before they let him out?!

      We are friends and I don't want to call the cops on them. We need to share our grievances with them and hopefully come to an agreement on what is acceptable and what is not. I'll get my wife onto it. She's the people person :)

    • [Deactivated] on 24/06/2019 - 12:01

      I don't think they are bothered by the cat. I thought it sounded like they like the cat.

      Ok sorry they are bothered by the cat.

      • [Deactivated] on 24/06/2019 - 13:02

        We're not bothered by the cat but by the irresponsible owners.

  • stephjess3 on 24/06/2019 - 09:02
    +2

    Ring your local council about noise pollution they should then come over and talk to them and ring the rspca about there cat killing the birds and there care factor is zero get the rspca to talk to them.

    • qwerty on 24/06/2019 - 11:40

      If they are friendly you can just tell them their bedroom noise is pretty loud

  • savage bargain on 24/06/2019 - 09:42
    +4

    With things like the arguing, not following the medical plan, being blasé with the cat, etc. my first thought was it sounds like they're overwhelmed/aren't well, and that can lead to all sorts of odd behaviour. Particularly as it sounds like they have a lot of stressors in their life. And not following the management plan - jumping steps regularly immediately made me think it's getting too much for them (my parents have worked in special needs for a long time and this often leads to conversations about how well carers are coping as it's one of the key warning signs it's getting too much).

    It depends on your relationship with them, but the suggestions above about counselling might be a good idea. But a broader scope - you can point out you know they have a lot on in their life and think you noticed signs of the stress building like overhearing a number of disagreements, jumping steps in the management plan, etc. Maybe mention things like that can get subsidised counselling through a mental health plan from their GP, if you know of a good counsellor/psychologist/etc. recommending them (as like in every job, there's varying skills), or offer something to help like look after their son during appointments? But that is a deep conversation - it may not be something your comfortable with.

    Regarding scaring your kid, they might have misplaced optimism in soundproofing of houses, and no one has said anything before so they don't know what everyone else knows. That'll have to be a direct conversion with them letting them know what everyone else knows… Actually their response to that will be a good sign - if they're mortified and the dying animals disappear, you know it wasn't intentional, but if they don't care and keep on going on, you know they just dgaf and probably aren't with maintaining a relationship with.

  • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 24/06/2019 - 10:02

    Move out of the city to the country where nobody can annoy you.

    • [Deactivated] on 24/06/2019 - 10:04

      We're moving out of the country to an island in 2022. Until then..

  • spackbace on 24/06/2019 - 10:07
    +1

    We downsized into our new place at the beginning of the year. The property is perfectly situated, meets all our requirements and we more than halved our mortgage in the process. We couldn't be happier. The cherry on the cake is that we got our dream home for a bargain price !

    Why were we helping you with a new house then, just 2 weeks ago?

    It's a done deal! Thanks for your input ozb :)

    Or was this another question posed for a different person, under the guise of it being personal?

    • [Deactivated] on 24/06/2019 - 10:20

      Investment property for now. Plan B in the 3 years.

    • [Deactivated] on 24/06/2019 - 10:23

      This was when we bought the one we currently live in.

      Edit: Just to explain , we bought a fairly run-down house 6 years ago and we lovingly renovated it. Someone walked in and made us an incredible offer for it at the beginning of the year. We sold it and downsized and was pretty much mortgage-free. But then the bank offered us more money . My initial reaction was , "it's a trap!" :) But our accountant said we should take it and we bought an investment property.

  • ColstonAUS on 24/06/2019 - 12:49

    A Current Affair should be able to help they are good with "neighbours from hell"

    or try and have a discussion with them, if they are your friends they should listen to what you have to say, tell them your side of it and they should at least be somewhat considerate

    • Skramit on 24/06/2019 - 13:52

      Agreed. Most neighbor disputes occur when communication breaks down or was never there to begin with.

  • [Deactivated] on 24/06/2019 - 14:41

    And i thought whirlpool was bad ;)

  • outlander on 24/06/2019 - 16:13

    This is a sensitive matter you have on your hands JJ, and it needs to be handled diplomatically.

    Record the sex sounds on video, upload it to one of those voyeur's website, and put a letter in their mailbox with the address. Claim to be one of the other neighbors in the letter to divert attention away from yourself. Put letters in all the other houses too.

    aside: You really try hard to be a good guy, don't you JJ? Fancy paying for half a fence, cleaning up a yard AND giving them lumber.

    • [Deactivated] on 24/06/2019 - 16:31

      Learn from my mistakes young padawan: unpunish, a good deed never goes :p

      Aside : who wants to watch a married couple in their late 30s having sex in a tent?

      • outlander on 24/06/2019 - 19:32

        Seems that way at times, doesn't it. Maybe people like us need to learn to give a little, and see what the response is, before giving big. You know, start with just a stick, move up to a log, and then give them the sweet sweet lumber.

        who wants to watch a married couple in their late 30s having sex in a tent?

        Who doesn't? 🤨

        • [Deactivated] on 24/06/2019 - 19:36

          We had a chat with them and they denied being any where near that tent at that time. Well the wife did anyway…🤔

          • outlander on 24/06/2019 - 22:27
            +3

            @[Deactivated]: Would have loved to been there for that conversation..

            Oh hi Pam. How about that weather, huh? Yeah the kids are doing great, thanks for asking. The twins are learning to ride their bikes and the youngest is obsessed with paw patrol and she's getting to be such a handful and was that you that I heard the other night having outrageously loud sex in a tent by the back patio? Sounded like a dying moose. Anyway.. So how are you doing? Is the stamp collecting going well? Are you satisfied with your current internet provider? Tell me whats happening in the life of Pam.

            • [Deactivated] on 25/06/2019 - 19:19

              @outlander: It would appear that the life of Pam does not include getting frisky in the tent with her husband.

              And according to Sam, he was doing a night shift that night and didn't get home until 7 a.m

              So who were making sweet, sweet love in that tent that night (and all the other nights)? 😕

              • outlander on 26/06/2019 - 08:26

                @[Deactivated]: Hmm… Well thats the first two steps of a plan I had to get rid of them (Get a neighbour to start an affair with the frustrated wife). I thought it was weird that they'd sex it up outside when their kid has hearing difficulties.

                Time for you to do detective work. Presenting, Sherlock Binks!

                • [Deactivated] on 26/06/2019 - 16:17

                  @outlander: More like Sherlock Binks Jr. My eldest son may have solved the mystery…
                  He said that little Jimmy once got upset because my son wouldn't let him use his ipad to do a google search. The search terms were "girls kissing girls"…

                  I wonder if that's him in the tent at night watching lesbian porn and being hearing impaired is cranking up the volume😕

              • savage bargain on 26/06/2019 - 11:23
                +1

                @[Deactivated]: I was not expecting that outcome… 🤨

                Could it be a cover as they're embarrassed that everyone has heard? Or if it only happens when Sam is on nightshift, they may need another type of counselling…

                The only thing that makes me think that it's not some randoms who are into sneaking into neighbour's back yards and using tents is after you said something, either Pam would've either been like “I've heard that too but had no idea which yard it was coming from” or had already called the cops after hearing randoms in her backyard while her husband was on nightshift…

  • Gerry H on 26/06/2019 - 16:52

    current affair, ring them

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDipskQi964

  • [Deactivated] on 04/07/2019 - 23:03
    +1

    Chockers-recent activity on your profile and beyond, JJB..

    Cats with even multiple bells on collar can adapt to still successfully hunt.
    Unless they choose branches at dusk, very carefully, sleeping birds still stand little chance.

    You would think that new friendship offered, maybe especially for benefit of their son, would see neighbours amenable to behaviour not actually jeopardising that. The pair sound windswept and interesting in any case.

    Possible stick/log and lumber delivery option for you and outlander to consider in future… :)

    Probable psychic/clairvoyant paediatrician, soothsaying a future accidental smash to the goolies. Kid should also steer clear of power tools and sharp edges on sheet metal

    OzBargain has become a traffic accident, always happening. Defiantly just this side of entirely knackered, there. He is lucky to be alive.

    I have only missed about twenty years of episodes, but did see plenty of early ones, including that one :)
    Turks would prefer spelt froğurt. Greeks just generally unhappy with the entire business.
    Variously chilled otherwise, and spelling, yes.

    Words are weird
    Translation, too to

    :)

    German reminds of -
    Cutely couldn't dance
    Remix

    …and,um, That was your Mid-Year OzBargain Update!

    First and last!!

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