[SOLVED] Was I Harrassed at Work?

maxyzee on 12/11/2018 - 23:18
Last edited 13/11/2018 - 16:49 by 1 other user

Hey guys.

I want to get some thoughts about an situation at work today. I usually go for a run at the work gym for half an hour at lunch and shower afterwards.

Anyway today after my run I walked into the change rooms and headed into a shower. As I stepped in the shower cubical one of the other guys I see often was finishing changing and up came to my block and asked if I’d seen a watch. I looked and said no and thought nothing of it. When I finished showering he knocked on the shower again demanding I return the watch and I thought what is he on about? I said no I don’t have your watch.

He then asked if I could spread my towel that I had around my waste and I thought alright fine look nothing there, he seemed really agitated. He also checked my undies and nothing there. He was starting to get worked up trying to find his watch. Apparently it was a Samsung smart watch that cost $600. Anyway I did my best to be polite and not start anything. I suggested to him go ask reception if anything’s been handed in.

I came away from that feeling really uncomfortable cos later I thought he was accusing me of theft and being quite aggressive about it. I’m just wondering if anyone else had a similar experience in the workplace. Should I do anything or say anything to HR?

It got me a bit rattled in the afternoon cos I couldn’t stop thinking about it maybe should have stood up for myself more or just went to HR then and there. Anyway just wondering what ozbargainers thoughts are.

TLDR: Got accused of theft at work change rooms. Other guy was rude about it. I obliged embarrassingly. Felt somewhat uncomfortable about it. Should I do anything or just move on as one of those things.

Update: the other guy found his watch. Turns out his workmate was playing a joke on him. He came to me and apologised profusely for his behaviour. I did say to him that things could have went very differently and he acknowledged that.

Education & Work

closed Comments

                • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 12:02

                  @HighAndDry: The, as I said, take it to HR and see what they make of it. If you are correct then HR will tell the OP they think it is OK and the OP, by the sound of it, will have no trouble accepting that. If HR think the other guy is out of line then they can deal with him. However, I can't see HR thinking that the guy angrily confronting someone, asking them to take off their towel and rummaging through his underwear is acceptable behaviour in the workplace, whether the OP consented at the time or not.

                  "Angry sex" - what an interesting expression.

                  I'm not saying it would go to court, I'm just saying I would like to see what a court ruling would make of it.

                  • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 12:04

                    @try2bhelpful: No. This is akin to OP going to the police because someone was mean to them. By your logic,

                    If you are correct then HR police will tell the OP they think it is OK and the OP, by the sound of it, will have no trouble accepting that.

                    You see that that would also be stupid right?

                    • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 13:16

                      @HighAndDry: The other guy has not been "mean" to him, he has asked him to disrobe and then has rummaged through his underwear - you think that behaviour is on the "mean" level, do you? You are the one that said, in the first instance, this should be a HR issue; rather than a police issue.

                      On the other side people take issues to the police, all the time, and either the police, or the prosecuter, indicates whether there is sufficient for a case, or not. Sometimes what people think are minor issues, on investigation, become major issues when more and more information comes to light - or more and more victims.

                      Escalation of behaviour is certainly a known phenomena, particuarly if the behaviour is not checked early on.

                      Again, this should go to HR to look at. As to your belittling of people who would do so the expression "sticks and stones" comes to mind. If this happened to me I would certainly report it and accept the HRs decision once they had explained their reasoning. If this guy then does this to someone else then I, will know, I did what I could to stop that occuring. Also, if HR chats to him this guy might reflect on his behaviour before he does something like this again and look into anger management.

                      • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 13:32

                        @try2bhelpful:

                        You are the one that said, in the first instance, this should be a HR issue; rather than a police issue.

                        Persisting with absolute lack of reading comprehension. I said it's not an issue, period.

                        If this guy then does this to someone else then I, will know, I did what I could to stop that occuring.

                        Sure. IF. Nothing points to that being a possibility unless the guy just as dozens of expensive watches lying around to lose. On the other hand, you could be wasting hours of everyone's time, contributing to adults acting like children, turning Australia into the US where everything gets reported, complained about, sued for, you name it, and basically being unpleasant to be around.

                        And hey, by your logic, people should be able to report you to HR for being unpleasant to be around. Nice cycle.

                        • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 14:18

                          @HighAndDry: I have completely comprehend - you said "it's a HR matter AT THE ABSOLUTE MAX and right now it's not even that". My take on that is, you concede there is a chance this might be a HR matter.

                          So if what he is doing is considered "normal" then HR will tell the OP that this is nothing big and this will go no further. The OP sounds like he would accept that. There will not be "hours of everyone's time" wasted and the issue will have been raised to the appropriate level within the organisation. However, as I suspect HR will be very interested in this behaviour because it is completely inappropriate in a work situation. The person acting like a "child" here was the guy "looking for his watch". Aggressive, making a completely unacceptable request and rummaging through other people's stuff because he "suspected" the OP had taken his watch is INAPPROPRIATE behaviour - you know, something that HR probably wants to know about.

                          If I behaved in this way I would fully expect people to report me to HR - this sort of behaviour is not "unpleasant" it is so far across the line you can't see it from there. Also I would have, absolutely no trouble talking to HR if they thought I'd crossed the line and I would make sure I modified my behaviour to fit with what was expected in a work situation. If I went to HR and mentioned the things I have said on this forum to them I'm reasonably sure they would not have an issue; so you, honestly, think the same thing?

                          • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 14:31

                            @try2bhelpful: The issue's dealt with, with no overrought drama involved, so I'll end with this. If I reported your house to council for building defects, they'd almost certainly come back with a list a few feet long of defects that would be the subject of work orders.

                            If you had a particularly bad neighbour, that's something they'd do. Reasonable people would not do this.

                            In this case, HR is like council - they're not known for taking a relaxed view of things, especially when it comes to potential sexual harassment. At the very least there'll be a tonne of paperwork. Very possibly there may have been interviews. And then it would go onto everyone's personnel file, and waste yes, hours, of time, make sure that OP and the guy would never ever get along, and no one would be better off.

                            All because adults can't solve their own problems themselves and you want them to cry to the teacher at every little thing. I happen to think that's not a good approach.

                            • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 14:52

                              @HighAndDry: Your posts are getting more and more ludicrous, with even more ridiculous examples. Not sure about your council, buddy, but my guys are too busy doing what they are already doing without being called out to "minor defects". The walls would need to be falling down before they dragged their backsides to my place. I've had to deal with the neighbour from hell, so I'm sure he would've buried me in council red tape if he could.

                              You still haven't told me that whether you think that this guy angrily coming up to someone in a shower, asking them to remove their towel, then rummaging through their underwear is considered acceptable behaviour in a workplace. You keep ducking the fundamental issue here. The real issue here is that the OP shouldn't have been asked to do this in the first place, and the fact that he was, is something HR should be informed about. The person who is not being an "adult" is the person who thinks such behaviour is acceptable not the person reporting this to HR because they were concerned if this might escalate to other people (if it hasn't already).

                              You may not think this is a good approach; but that is only your opinion.

                              The people who will be better off are the employees that won't be subjected to the behaviour of the person who approached the OP. Either this guy realises what he has done is completely inappropriate, apologises and modifies his behaviour or the company finds a way to manage him out of there. What is not appropriate is for that sort of behaviour to continue.

  • Godric on 13/11/2018 - 07:25

    Unisex bathroom?
    Why would you expose your self to a random for a watch?(I can't tell from what you said it you actually did)

    He asked you, you agreed and let him look around, if he had forced himself I believe then that would of been considered harassment.

    Although he could of had sinister idea to make it look like he was looking for a watch but that isn't really easy to prove

    • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 08:08
      +2

      I presume the OP is male.

      • John Kimble on 13/11/2018 - 08:19

        Yeah, women walk around completely nude in change rooms or have the towel around their heads only, amirite?

        • [Deactivated] on 13/11/2018 - 11:49
          +2

          And men go around drying themselves with the helicopter.

      • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 08:58
        +1

        Did you just presume OP's gender? For shame.

        • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 09:12
          +1

          This was a percentage call. I stand by presume.

          • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 09:19
            +1

            @try2bhelpful: By percentages women make terrible soldiers, police, firefighters, anything requiring physical strength and dexterity really.

            • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 09:24

              @HighAndDry: So you are bringing in irrelevances here; but I would beg to differ with you anyway. In these situations a person's intellect would be much more important than a person's strength - and that, then, comes back to the individual. However, please provide me with a link showing the statistics on this - I would like to see it.

              The fact that the change rooms are generally single sex and that he had a towel around his waist makes this a percentage judgement call rather than a guess.

              • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 09:29
                +1

                @try2bhelpful: In any job requiring physical strength and dexterity, a greater percentage of men would be more suitable than women.

                Percentages, right? The fact that men are generally stronger should make this as valid a percentage call by your own logic and not a guess either.

                My point isn't that you're wrong here. My point is that this is the kind of common sense that you'd disagree with elsewhere (case in point, jobs requiring physical strength).

                • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 09:56
                  +1

                  @HighAndDry: Seriously, you bring in an irrelevancy - I indicate that people need to do the jobs with intellect as well as strength and then you try to extrapolate the two as to why I am wrong about sexual harassment. Absolutely hilarious.

                  Common sense is seeing there is something wrong with going up, aggressively, to someone in a change room, demanding they take off their towel and then rummaging through their underware. The fact that you can't see anyting wrong with that is what indicates you are lacking in commone sense.

                  • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 09:56

                    @try2bhelpful:

                    commone sense.

                    Says it all really.

                    More seriously though - yes it was absolutely a tangent. But it's a relevant one because you assumed their gender "because of percentages" (which again, I think is fine), but you'll bristle at anyone else using the same logic ("percentages") to presume other things (e.g. men vs women in terms of physical strength and jobs that need it).

                    • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 09:58
                      +1

                      @HighAndDry: OMG I did a typo - it completely invalidates my argument.

                      You may want to concentrate on the big picture here.

                      • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 09:59
                        +1

                        @try2bhelpful: Big picture is that by OP's own words, they consented and would have consented anyway:

                        In the end I didn’t really mind it was more the aggressiveness of his tone. If he was more polite and asked in a nicer way I don’t think I would have batted an eyelid.

                        And only the tone bothered them. If you think "tone is harassment", then I give up.

            • bobbified on 13/11/2018 - 09:50
              +1

              @HighAndDry: Now you've started it… :P~

              • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 09:58

                @bobbified: I know I know, I should stop.

                • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 10:03
                  +1

                  @HighAndDry: I'm happy to stop it for you. I think people can look at both of our points and make up their own minds about what happened.

                  If this happened to me I would take this to HR and see what they think of the behaviour; they are the experts and know the law. If this guy escalates the behaviour on someone else then, at least, the OP knows they have called them out.

                  • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 10:03

                    @try2bhelpful: Or OP can do their job and not be a pain and contribute to this "omg everyone who feels uncomfortable is a victim" epidemic we have.

                    Seriously, you just said:

                    I'm happy to stop it for you.

                    Is that a threat?! Gasp. I'm going to call the police on you! They are the experts and know the law. If you escalate the behaviour on someone else then, at least, I know I have called you out.

                    Right?

                    • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 10:11
                      +1

                      @HighAndDry: OMG - you talk about being a victim; apparently I'm a threat to you now - what a joke. Yup, not surprised on your attitude given how much you belittle people's experiences. Please take my comments to the law, I would love to see what they make of your complaint. As I have indicated HR is the best place for the OP to take this to.

                      As I indicated, this discourse can stop now because people can make up their own minds as to whether they think your views of this situation are correct or mine, or neither, based on what we have already said.

                      • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 10:14

                        @try2bhelpful:

                        OMG - you talk about being a victim; apparently I'm a threat to you now - what a joke.

                        Oh god, so you do get what I'm trying to say! Good. Wait no,

                        given how much you belittle people's experiences.

                        Aren't you right now belittling my experiences? Who are you to say whether I feel threatened by your comments or not?

                        • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 10:16
                          +2

                          @HighAndDry: Yes, I do - but I don't think you get what I'm saying. It is pointless that we go back and forwards on this. As I have said, now repeatedly, I will leave this up to the other people here to make up their minds based on our argments.

  • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 07:42
    +2

    You were lucky he didn’t demand a cavity search. This sort of behaviour is odd and not acceptable, I strongly suspect he hadn’t lost his watch and, if he had, asking someone to get naked, and rummaging through their undies, is still red flag material. If you had been fully clothed do you think he would’ve asked for a strip search? If would mention this incident to HR but you don’t have to take it further than that if you don’t want to. He may have tried this trick on others.

  • altomic on 13/11/2018 - 08:03
    +8

    so, did you take the watch?

    • maxyzee on 13/11/2018 - 08:51

      Haha no I didn’t take his watch. I do wonder if he ends up finding it if he feels any remorse for carrying about in such a childish manner.

  • Krankite on 13/11/2018 - 09:36

    Doesn't sound like harassment on its own but it definitely needs to be reported to HR in case there are any ongoing issues with the the guy. You seem to be giving the guy the benefit of the doubt that he was just upset about potentially losing $600 worth of stuff but you aren't aware of if he has had similar behavior in the past that may have been brushed off as a one-off event.

  • Seraphin7 on 13/11/2018 - 09:42

    I would be off at HR 100%. This is entirely unreasonable.

  • cjber on 13/11/2018 - 10:08

    This is definitely worth reporting to HR. You can get accused when other items are lost near you, as you have been marked by this person already.

    • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 10:12

      Also, this guy's actions may escalate with someone else.

  • youknow on 13/11/2018 - 10:14
    +2

    My take on this, unpopular as it may be, is that if OP was a woman, in a unisex change room, the debate would be about whether to report it to police, not HR. Clearly what the "lost watch guy" did is wrong. Only OP can really make a judgement call on whether to report to HR. Personally, I'd be inclined to report it to HR as an incident, but not as a complaint. Specifically, tell them what happened, but that you don't want to pursue anything. That way, if "lost watch guy" pulls this same thing again tomorrow on someone else, then your report adds to the weight of the subsequent report. That's my 2 cents.

    • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 10:16
      +1

      Clearly what the "lost watch guy" did is wrong.

      No. Guy lost his watch, thought OP might've taken it. ASKED OP to take the towel off to check - OP could've said no, but instead obliged. If OP just hadn't taken his towel off, we wouldn't be here. This isn't an issue.

      • youknow on 13/11/2018 - 10:40
        +1

        Firstly, it's wrong to even ask OP to remove his towel (maybe not criminal, but not moral/ethical). Secondly, it sounds like there was an element (albeit small) of intimidation. Again, I don't think I'd call it harassment. I'd also agree that OP could just have said no. However, reporting it, not complaining about it (they are different things), seems like a sensible middle ground.

        • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 10:42

          Firstly, it's wrong to even ask OP to remove his towel

          I guess I disagree with this, especially since OP could have said no. Also disagree this should be reported - again, if OP had said no, we wouldn't be here, it's a non-issue. Agree with everything else though.

          • Krankite on 13/11/2018 - 10:52
            +1

            @HighAndDry: The problem with not reporting is that this may not be a one-off event.

            • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 10:53

              @Krankite: So we're going to report everything "just in case"? Nothing OP has said suggests this isn't a one-off. Let's not jump at imaginary shadows, shall we?

              • Krankite on 13/11/2018 - 10:54

                @HighAndDry: OP Felt strongly enough about the incident to post it on OzBargain, I think that means they feel strongly enough about it to mention it to HR.

                • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 10:55

                  @Krankite: OP's feelings aren't a reason to do anything. Plus, does anyone actually read the whole thread and what OP said? By OP's own words:

                  In the end I didn’t really mind it was more the aggressiveness of his tone. If he was more polite and asked in a nicer way I don’t think I would have batted an eyelid.

                  They didn't care about the asking, or the towel part - they only object to the other guy's tone.

                  Still think that's enough to take it to HR? That's what OP is asking here. To say, because OP asks, the answer is "yes", is… well, begging the question.

                  • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 11:34

                    @HighAndDry: In the OPs own words

                    "Lol yeah. It was a weird experience having to expose myself so things didn’t escalate further."

                    Oh hell yes, this is enough to take to HR. The big question is whether the HR person would spit their coffee all over the keyboard when they heard it.

                    • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 11:37

                      @try2bhelpful:

                      "having to expose myself so things didn’t escalate further."

                      This is all OP's assumption though. They'd be reporting this because they assume it would've escalated. "Pre-crime" is supposed to be dystopian sci-fi, not real life.

                  • youknow on 13/11/2018 - 12:02

                    @HighAndDry: TL;DR: Similar thing happened to my wife, she didn't report it, turned out the person did it at least 7 times. Only the last person that it happened to reported it.
                    I'm going to go off topic here, but just for context. My wife was in a similar situation with a male employee (let's call him Brett). She felt uncomfortable, but not so uncomfortable as to report it. There was no reason for her to think it was anything other than a once off. She thought that not reporting it was the right thing to do, as it didn't lead to anything too serious, and she thought that complaining would make her look soft and weak etc.
                    Several years later, she gets asked by her supervisor whether this employee had tried anything with her, so she tells them. HR gets involved, and as it turns out (after a year or so of investigation), this guy had done it to at least 4 employees before her, and at least 2 after her. In the vert last case the situation had escalated to what most people would call rape. Regardless of what you'd call it, NOT one of the employees before the very last one reported it. If any of them had, and a pattern of behaviour had been established, then a lot of needless pain could have been avoided.
                    So, my point it, if someone is basically asking to see your genitals, and they "seemed really agitated", which most people would take as threatening, then they are doing the wrong thing. Even if you're comfortable with showing them under your towel, many wouldn't be, and many would be threatened by the behaviour. I personally think it should be reported. If OP is completely honest in their reporting of it, and says they don't want anything made of it, what it the harm? There is none. If it turns out OP is the second person that this guy has done this to, then obviously HR can start making some more informed choices.
                    Finally, for context, I've worked in a corporate environment for 24 years, and never once made a complaint about a fellow employee. I would like to think I'm not some easily upset/offended SJW.

                    • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 12:08
                      -1

                      @youknow:

                      In the vert last case the situation had escalated to what most people would call rape.

                      Then that case should've been reported and dealt with. People can't see into the future. It's asinine to take the view that you should report everything because in hindsight something happened.

                      Your wife made a judgement call that it wasn't serious enough to report. Unless she's clairvoyant, I don't see where there was any mistake anywhere along the way, especially since the consensus was that none of the early incidents were serious enough to warrant reporting.

                      It's a little hypocritical to say: "The victim's feelings are paramount and the only thing that matters", and then turn around and say "Oh but in whether or not to report, the victims here were wrong and they should do what I think they should've done."

                    • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 12:32
                      +2

                      @youknow: I agreem, it is important to go to HR and get this sort of behaviour nipped in the bud before it escalates. People are responsible for how they behave and there is no excuse nowdays for not understanding the "boundaries". Unfortunately the victims are usually too embarrassed that the actions will be brushed off or they will be labelled as "difficult" or, conversely, it really blows up and they are caught in the middle. Most victims just want the perpetrator to stop doing what they are doing and leave people alone. Unfortunately, silence just allows them access to the next victim. The real problem is that the automatic response can be the victim must have misinterpreted, or it's not that bad, etc so the actions don't need to be addressed. I would suggest, to anyone who feels the interaction has been "wrong", sit down, as soon as possible, and write down everything they remember happening. I would then suggest they talk this over with someone they trust to see if they agree this is wrong. Then go to HR if they think there is an issue. Even if you don't want to take this further, personally, if a pattern develops HR has the heads up.

      • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 11:44
        +1

        I just love that you think there is nothing wrong with angrily going up to someone you don't know in a locker room, accuse them of stealing your watch ask them to take off their towel and then rummaging around in their underwear. You really don't think this is an issue? Maybe we should hold a poll on the site and see what other people think if someone did this to them.

        • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 11:47
          -1

          Sure, put up a poll. Unfortunately I don't actually care what other people think all that much, because 50% of people are below average median intelligence. If you want them on your side, go for it.

          there is nothing wrong with angrily going up to someone you don't know in a locker room, accuse them of stealing your watch ask them to take off their towel and then rummaging around in their underwear.

          There's plenty wrong with it, it being stupid to begin with. But just like in school you don't run to the teachers just because Jimmy was mean to you, so as an adult you don't run to HR for every little thing either.

          WTF happened to being adults and dealing with sh-t yourself? Are we all grade schoolers now? Guy asked, OP could have - and if he was uncomfortable, should have - said no. That's it.

          You know how to solve this next time? OP SAYS NO.

          • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 12:09
            +1

            @HighAndDry: You know, funnily enough, I'm pretty sure the teachers would want to know if littel Jimmy, angrily, went up to another student, accused them of stealing, got them to strip naked and then rummaged through their underwear. In fact, I think the parents of the pupil this was done to would be very interested to know this too.

            Maybe little Jimmy needs to be sat down and have boundaries and appropriate behaviour told to him before he escalates this behaviour to other pupils because he got away with it the first time.

            You know how to solve this next time? OP goes to HR and reports this to try to ensure the other guy doesn't do this to anyone else.

            • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 12:16
              -1

              @try2bhelpful:

              You know, funnily enough, I'm pretty sure the teachers would want to know if littel Jimmy, angrily, went up to another student, accused them of stealing, got them to strip naked and then rummaged through their underwear.

              Yes, but in that case, Jimmy and the kid would be 12. I think, but now after all this I'm not so sure anymore, that OP is an adult.

              You know how to solve this next time?

              OP says no. Like an adult. Christ - do we need lessons telling people how to say "no" now?

              • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 12:43
                +1

                @HighAndDry: You were the one who was using the "going to teacher" analogy - I was just showing that, in the situation outlined by the OP, how wrong this would be seen as.

                What they guy did was wrong, it is irrelevant that the OP consented to being naked. Why do you have such a problem with OP going to HR? Is it because HR is going to assess this as unacceptable behaviour in a work situation? The adult in this situation ensures that the company knows about the other guy's behaviour in case it escalates; even though the "adult" knows he might look a bit of a charly because he consented to this guy seeing him naked. However, given society at the moment I can don't condemn any "adult" who might be reluctant to; I just applaud the ones who do.

                • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 12:45

                  @try2bhelpful:

                  What they guy did was wrong,

                  Literally the only thing the guy did was "ask".

                  it is irrelevant that the OP consented to being naked.

                  By your own link, sexual harassment cannot be an consensual interaction. Seems like OP's consent is a key point.

                  Why do you have such a problem with OP going to HR? Is it because HR is going to assess this as unacceptable behaviour in a work situation?

                  Because I object to adults acting like grade school children.

          • imurgod on 13/11/2018 - 13:47

            @HighAndDry: Are you a Catholic priest by chance?

            • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 13:51

              @imurgod: No no, then I'd all be for grade school children acting like adults.

          • John Kimble on 13/11/2018 - 13:59

            @HighAndDry:

            You know how to solve this next time? OP SAYS NO.

            He shouldn't have been asked in the first place, don't you get that?

    • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 10:21

      Not sure if you have been in women's change rooms lately, but we tend to wrap the towels above our breasts, not at our waist level.

      However, the rest of what you say makes sense.

      • Scab on 13/11/2018 - 11:49

        I wrap my towel around my knees.

        • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 12:10

          You must be VERY tall or have short towels.

          Why is the song - "Heads, shoulders, knees and toes" going through my head.

    • Smashed Avo on 13/11/2018 - 11:00
      +2

      My take on this, unpopular as it may be, is that if OP was a woman, in a unisex change room, the debate would be about whether to report it to police, not HR.

      Just another double standard and example of female privilege.

      • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 11:31

        What, exactly, do you think is female privilege here. The OP is, more than welcome, to report this to the police if he wants to. Sounds like you are being triggered.

        • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 12:17

          Except you would suggest going to the police if OP was a woman, and you haven't remotely suggested going to the police in this case.

          Seems like double standards to me.

  • [Deactivated] on 13/11/2018 - 10:23
    +2

    this sounds like the plot for a bad porno "hey, take off your towel, so I can make sure you didn't steal my watch"

    • [Deactivated] on 13/11/2018 - 11:43
      +1

      Lance thickwood - the watch connoisseur.
      Men have a pair of wrists, Lance has one more.

      • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 12:10

        Said in a very deep bass voice.

  • rompastompa on 13/11/2018 - 10:56
    +1

    Is this his watch?

  • Smashed Avo on 13/11/2018 - 11:04
    +2

    The guy is clearly a massive pervert who's got that encounter locked away in the spank bank. OP needed to at least voice some resistance rather than going along with this creepiness.

  • [Deactivated] on 13/11/2018 - 11:41
    +1

    The guy was inappropriate. He lost $600. You didn't really suffer any trauma (unless you subscribe to the ever popular victim in vogue).

    Just let the dude be. If you ever see him again, you can tell him off for being rude.

    In my day, I'd would have given him the towel whip when he turned around. Locker room justice.

    • John Kimble on 13/11/2018 - 11:58

      In my day, I'd would have given him the towel whip when he turned around.

      Isn't that a kinky invitation?

      • [Deactivated] on 13/11/2018 - 12:19

        Not sure what time era you are inferring.

  • AFOS on 13/11/2018 - 12:01
    +1

    I do not see anything funny here. It may be easy to bully/harass a young person. Sometimes things can go quite a long way. Watch Compliance 2012 for example. I read actual court case and the movie is as close to real events as possible.

    From my perspective this was a clear case of bullying at work and it must be reported to HR immediately. It may be possible that the guy had done something like that before to other people.

  • pformag on 13/11/2018 - 12:07
    -3

    Don't walk outside, you could melt.

    • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 12:18

      Sun doesn't ask for consent to shine on you - obvious violation.

  • DarthAntz on 13/11/2018 - 12:28
    +3

    go ask him today if he found his watch and if he's still thinking about your junk in the shower.

    the guy is a jerk, and left a $600 watch in a public bathroom. you didnt get harassed, you just interacted with a jerk who cant look after themselves or their possessions.

    youve learned a lesson, and wont be showing your junk to someone in the shower again, unless they offer you a $600 watch (android, dont fall for apple) or $10 cash, or ebay coupon code.

    • try2bhelpful on 13/11/2018 - 13:17

      You know, "jerk" might be the appropriate term to describe this guy.

    • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 13:35
      +1

      go ask him today … if he's still thinking about your junk in the shower.

      Ha! Ironically, this might actually be sexual harassment lol. Tomorrow we'll get a post:

      Yesterday I lost my watch and asked some people if they had it, one person was acting suspicious and so I asked him to show me he wasn't hiding my watch in his towel. He seemed a little too happy to drop the towel completely and exposed himself to me.

      Today he walked by again, smirked at me, and asked if I was still thinking about his junk. I feel so dirty now, I didn't want to see his junk in the first place and I have to work with him still in the same office.

      Is this sexual harassment? Should I report this to HR?

      • DarthAntz on 13/11/2018 - 15:42

        sad but true. theres not enough bubble wrap for all of us

  • Cheapsize on 13/11/2018 - 12:57
    +2

    In Short either get an apology, talk to the guy to say you didn't steal it and demand an apology. Or talk to HR if you don't get it. So disrespectful and disgusting behaviour from that Guy. Feel bad for OP

  • Mrbean007 on 13/11/2018 - 13:14

    Bring out the Gimp!!!!

    Looks like we found the Rape Dungeon.

  • imurgod on 13/11/2018 - 13:44
    +2

    Angry watch man acted inappropriately and could have waited until OP was dressed to ask, and ask politely.

    Considering how he acted and in the end his mates were playing a joke, only makes it worse.

    If that had been my wife, he'd be looking for his teeth, not his watch.

    Any decent male would realise that acting aggressive in a changeroom to a female in her towel is no acceptable, let alone asking her to spread her towel and going through her undies!!!!! (This alone is all kinds of overstepping).

    Anyone who thinks OP doesn't have the right to feel uncomfortable should take a serious look at themselves, because they don't know what is and isn't appropriate behaviour.

    • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 13:50

      Did you just (incorrectly) assume OP's gender?

    • Godric on 13/11/2018 - 13:59

      If that had been my wife, he'd be looking for his teeth, not his watch.

      Are you saying if your wife also consented you'd still proceed with physical violence?

      Would that just be out of jealousy?

      • syousef on 13/11/2018 - 14:15
        +1

        Jealousy? Are you freakin' kidding me?

        There is no consent if there was an implied threat of violence. The guy doesn't have to tower over you with a 2x4. An angry agitated man walking up to a person of either gender and demanding that they remove their towel to prove the person isn't a thief, and then going through their underwear!?!? is considered "consent" by lots of people on Ozbargain? I'm genuinely disgusted.

        • Godric on 13/11/2018 - 14:26
          +1

          In the same situation you wouldn't even attempt at a straight up 'no', you'd simply given in and drop the towel?

          Consent was given, no indication to decline the request had been given at all, OP's only issue was the mans 'tone' of voice.

          • syousef on 13/11/2018 - 15:29

            @Godric: It doesn't matter what I'd do. The law protects the weak as well as the strong. That's the point of having a legal system and not the law of the jungle.

            This is the same BS argument people use when a woman is raped. "You should have said no more emphatically."

            Would you call it consensual if a gang of bikers "asked" a woman for sex in a dark shopping center car park?

            • Godric on 13/11/2018 - 15:35

              @syousef: Would you call it consensual if a women "asked" a gang of bikers for sex in a dark shopping center car park?

              • syousef on 13/11/2018 - 15:38

                @Godric: What kind of silly question is that? Can the "a women" beat up the gang of bikers if they said no? Or would they be able to restrain most women pretty quickly. Unless she's heavily armed chances are she is little threat to them. How's she going to intimidate a gang?

  • anawth on 13/11/2018 - 14:13
    +3

    Funnily enough, my diary entries from that day read
    Con: Lost my watch today
    Pro: Got to see a colleague's junk!

  • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 14:13

    Update: the other guy found his watch. Turns out his workmate was playing a joke on him. He came to me and apologised profusely for his behaviour. I did say to him that things could have went very differently and he acknowledged that.

    Yay for a sane, reasonable, and restrained outcome. Glad it worked out. Very glad you didn't take any of the hysterical (as in actual hysterics, not in the 'funny' hysterical sense) advice people were spouting out here.

    • John Kimble on 13/11/2018 - 14:19
      +1

      Yay, now we can get back to posts about having var accidents with no insurance or getting traffic infringements.

      • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 14:19

        Replying just to spite you so you can't correct "var". Ha.

        • John Kimble on 13/11/2018 - 14:20

          Now you've crossed the line :(

          • HighAndDry on 13/11/2018 - 14:24

            @John Kimble: You need a surveyor to prove it. But yay this was a good, not-open-ended (and so frustrating) bit of distraction. Guess I should get onto more important stuff now (like var accidents and the like haha).

  • Roman Sandstorm on 13/11/2018 - 14:48
    +2

    So, with the latest information from the OP (that a workmate was playing a 'joke' on the watch guy), we now have at the very least two objectionable jerks in this work environment.

    Maybe these child-like behaviours may be appropriate in the confines of a rugby club (sigh… not singling out all rugby clubs specifically, but indicating a macho immature boy's club mentality and environment), however in a workplace? Seriously?

    This later information only emphasises the necessity to bring the behaviours to the attention of HR.

    We have one person thieving things for a lark. Another person 'intimidating' a half-naked man as an unintended consequence of that 'joke'.

    And yes, H & D, I agree, the OP could have and should have stuck up for himself in the first place. But not all of us make immediate perfect decisions in somewhat stressful situations. In fact, experiences like these are sometimes the only way we do actually learn how to deal with them.

    One angry person just being a jerk may (or may not) be reason to go to HR, but now a third party has been exposed as the catalyst, I know I would want an official record made of the incident.

    • [Deactivated] on 13/11/2018 - 16:03
      +1

      hiding someones watch as a joke is fairly mild, and we don't know the relationship between the hider and hidee. theres a guy at my work who leaves his mug in the kitchen sometimes and I hide it in one of the cupboards. we both laugh about it and he calls me a (profanity). all fairly harmless.

      asking someone to take off their towel in a change room, banging on the shower yelling accusations, going through their stuff (including underpants) is all very inappropriate

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