Draft Letter To My (Sort Of) Niece - Indicating

Scorpex on 18/06/2018 - 12:59
Last edited 18/06/2018 - 13:02

OK, so the forums on Ozbargain are as much about social commentary as bargains. Help me solve my dilemma. My partner's niece drove us home from a function on Saturday night. She is 23, and we are on good terms. I was a little aghast at her attitude towards indicating. I've drafted the following letter…..should I send it?

Thanks for driving us home on Saturday night. I noticed something, and I thought I should tell you about it. I know I’m just your sort of/almost uncle, but I have been driving for 45 years without a major accident (I’ve been rear ended twice in stop-start traffic…no damage). You’ve got more than 45 years driving in front of you. If you don’t get it right now, the habits you have will stay with you forever.

My observation? Indicating. It isn’t optional. It’s not just that the law says you must indicate when changing direction, no matter whether other cars are around or not. Indicating every time you change direction - on roads, in car parks, anywhere – is probably the most important good driving habit that you can develop. It can save your life.

You may check your mirrors, see no other cars and change lane, turn a corner or do a U turn without indicating. You may get away with it 200 times. Perhaps 500 times. But one day, the car (or motorbike or bike) you don’t see will be there. Indicating in advance of your movement gives the other car a chance to beep you or to take evasive action.

Indicating in advance means just that. When changing lanes, develop the discipline of letting the indicator blink at least three times before starting to move across. Let it blink once, and it might be just when the driver behind is checking his mirrors. Keep the indicator on as you move across. It should be on for at least seven blinks. Indicate every time you pull out from the kerb, pull into a parking spot on the street or in a car park….every time you change direction.

Not indicating doesn’t save your blinkers from wear and tear. It isn’t physically taxing. You aren’t gaining anything from not doing it. I don’t mean to preach…..I just don’t want you ending up a casualty of your own habits.

Automotive

Comments

  • Scorpex on 18/06/2018 - 14:49

    Thanks for the feedback on the central issue of communication. Just what I was after. On the other issues - my character and how important driving habits are……well, the latter is only a matter of life and death. I'll live with the former.

    • The Wololo Wombat on 18/06/2018 - 15:03
      +7

      Honestly, unless you could find a nice, casual way to bring it up during the drive, it's REALLY not worth it. You sound incredibly intense and petty in that letter. The fact that it bothers you so much to send a letter, but don't have the confidence to speak out about it face-to-face makes you look even worse.

      • Scorpex on 18/06/2018 - 15:09

        Thanks. You are all helping me get it out of my system.

    • Scrooge McDuck on 19/06/2018 - 00:56
      +14

      I feel for you OP. It's clear to me that you're genuinely trying to help your niece, are considerate of her ego, and are diligently seeking consultation to tailor the most effective delivery of your input.

      I wouldn't pay much attention to the disparaging remarks here. OP bashing is the national sport of OzBargain. There are some interesting people here, but most of them are followers. The first replies you received happened to be negative and that greatly influences the rest. People who enjoy putting others down are emboldened and carry it on, and those who disagree are intimidated by the mob and abstain.

      It's unfortunate that our society fosters so much viciousness that we can't communicate frankly without being received negatively. Instead we have to expend time and effort adhering to social conventions, dancing around people's insecurities and playing their mind games. But don't let the grind stop you from taking initiative and trying to do right.

      • freeo on 19/06/2018 - 08:54
        +2

        The increasing inability of people to accept a different point of view or some well intentioned advice with a little grace quite distresses me. Instead, in my experience, people are reacting more and more as though it is somehow insulting not to agree with every choice they make. I don't think the social media bubbles that can occur help.

  • mskeggs on 18/06/2018 - 14:50
    +44

    Wow.
    If you genuinely want to be helpful, send her a box of chocs with a note saying thanks for the lift, and a PS saying, "Don't forget to indicate when you are driving, I want to get plenty more lifts for years to come!"

    I think even that is a bit over the top, but might be ok.

    • HighAndDry on 18/06/2018 - 15:15
      +2

      You're a lot better at this than I am (and miles ahead of OP). This seems like a perfect solution.

      • Scorpex on 18/06/2018 - 15:37
        +9

        Agree - good solution (and miles ahead of me!)

        • The Wololo Wombat on 18/06/2018 - 15:38
          +3

          +1 for Scorpex's humility! Very hard to admit when you're wrong - miles ahead of me!

        • HighAndDry on 18/06/2018 - 15:44
          +3

          Seconding that your attitude is actually great and your heart's in the right place.

    • Scrooge McDuck on 19/06/2018 - 00:18

      Wow, that's generous!

      Would you like a lift home sometime? You don't live anywhere near me, but I've recently developed the habit of queuing through busy intersections during peak hour.

  • vinni9284 on 18/06/2018 - 15:44
    +2

    I must admit, there are heaps of drivers out there that don't indicate when changing lanes, entering a street etc. and it can be frustrating.
    I see many ever day on the roads doing this.
    I think is it a sign of disrespect for other drivers.
    You also get the "one clickers" that initiate one flash of their indicator assuming that you have seen it.

    I can understand where the OP is coming from with the frustration however I agree with @mskeggs method. That's probably more effective way to pass the message across.
    Cheers

    • meatgasm on 20/06/2018 - 12:45
      +2

      I tend to use the "one click" method on occasion, but that's only because I want to conserve my blinker fluid.

      • rave75 on 20/06/2018 - 16:52

        lol

  • Melb69 on 18/06/2018 - 17:29
    +3

    I love this website. I think the responses were fair and very held back really. Sometimes when you think to much it gets in the way of maybe how you want to approach it. So having the OP post it up on here is brave, but I think it was helpful. No one is a perfect driver, but definitely indicating by everyone should be an important driving skill.

    I hate it at roundabouts when ppl don't indicate. So your about to go into the intersection, but the other driver drives straight rather than turning.

    Lucky I have a dash cam. Always prepped for drives.

    • HighAndDry on 18/06/2018 - 17:33

      Indicating on roundabouts is honestly a…. mess. And it's not even always the driver's fault. Obviously you need and should indicate, but depending on whether it's a small or big roundabout, you're supposed to either just indicate in the direction you're going (i.e. going right, indicate right as you're entering the roundabout) OR indicate twice separately for entering and exiting the roundabout (i.e. indicate your desired direction when entering the roundabout (e.g. right if you're turning right), then indicate LEFT when you reach your exit).

    • natman on 18/06/2018 - 18:01
      +3

      I thought that when turning right, you always have to indicate left as you exit the roundabout, no matter how big or small the roundabout is. It is when you are going straight through the roundabout, you have to indicate left as you exit “when practicable”, ie for larger roundabouts.

  • SteveBuscemi on 18/06/2018 - 18:18
    +3

    You may have a valid concern, but if you genuinely don't want to preach, you need to work on both your delivery method and the content. A face-to-face conversation, or as suggested, a lighter tone, combined with genuine thanks or small gift for the lift.

    As it stands, the Bible is less preachy.

  • smuggler on 18/06/2018 - 18:31
    -2

    Tell it to her face! Bitch, l2drive

    What kind of sort-of-uncle are you?

  • ely on 18/06/2018 - 18:41
    +1

    Letting her know if the right thing to do, but as others have noted, face to face and at the time probably would have been better.

    It's a tough thing to convince someone of here I suspect, at least down here in VIC almost nobody seems to have a clue how to use an indicator. Most do use it… But only as they actually turn, by which point in time it's redundant as the whole bloody car is already a much larger indicator. The point is to indicate what you're going to do before you do it.

    That said, I did see the opposite problem this afternoon, almost got nailed by a lovely old codger that indicated left so far in advance of the road he intended to turn into that he passed a couple of others first. Early is good, but not so early that you make people think you're going to turn when you're not!

  • knasty on 18/06/2018 - 18:53
    +1

    Did she have her headlights on? If so she's doing better than a lot of drivers in my area. Constantly amazed by how many people drive at dusk or nighttime without any headlights on - saw a near miss on the way home tonight with a car turning in front of a grey car without its lights on.

    • natman on 19/06/2018 - 03:57

      That is a pet hate of mine. Along with people not turning their headlights on in underground carparks and tunnels.

  • GregMonarch on 18/06/2018 - 19:54

    It's not going to solve it. She already had a driving test like everyone else and therefore knows she should indicate, but doesn't. If you tell her, she'll either receive it well, or badly. If she receives it well, then after a short time, she'll fall back to the same habit. And of course, if she receives it badly…

    Getting fined repeatedly is the only way that permanently changes most people's poor driving behaviour. But hearing it 'sideways' from someone else won't, because there's no motivation to change her habit. But it will be motivation to become irritated with someone else telling her how to drive.

    Of course you could go the humour route… but one of those can air horns people take to the footie. Blow it the first time with no warning. When she screams, 'what th…' both passengers crack up, say you'll blow it every time she doesn't indicate, blow it sometimes when she does anyway if you're the kind of person that can carry it off and she's the kind that will laugh. If not I'd leave the whole thing completely alone.

    • Scorpex on 18/06/2018 - 23:19
      +1

      Interesting approach! I'll store that one away.

    • Shwayne on 19/06/2018 - 10:44
      +3

      Some people honestly think indicating is only required if another car is present, or if the road is a busy one.

      I see people driving around the backstreets near my house who don't indicate, and it makes my life as a pedestrian hell, as I have to wait for a car approaching a T-intersection to see which way they feel like turning today.

      • mataeka on 19/06/2018 - 11:52
        +1

        Completely agree - indication is important for pedestrians too

    • Lv80 on 19/06/2018 - 20:08

      Yes…because blowing an air horn in a confined space of a car whilst someone is driving ISN'T MORE DANGEROUS THAN NOT INDICATING!!!

      You are an idiot and should not be listened too. And yes I'm calling you out, because though you might be taking the 'humour' thing to the extreme…it isn't at all practical or safe…and to be honest…I'd rather be in the car with the person not indicating than in a car where someone has an airhorn they might blow and cause an accident.

      • Munki on 20/06/2018 - 10:12

        It's just a prank bro.

  • ladybug1 on 18/06/2018 - 20:17
    +4

    Leave her alone. If you're that worried buy her a defensive driving class voucher and say it was recommended for all young people or something and you thought of her. Don't ruin your relationship with this letter.

    • Shwayne on 19/06/2018 - 10:44
      +2

      Let natural selection take its course!

      • Lv80 on 19/06/2018 - 20:06

        yes but sadly natural selection may not be her and could be the motorbike or cyclist next to her..or the pedestrian crossing the road…essentially…your natural selection could be your mother, brother, father, sister, child.

  • [Deactivated] on 18/06/2018 - 20:29

    Do you have any other social dilemma's we can attempt to solve ?

    • Scorpex on 18/06/2018 - 23:20
      +31

      Well, there's this thing about apostrophes…….

  • [Deactivated] on 18/06/2018 - 22:43
    +2

    She didn't forget to indicate, she made a conscious decision not to. It was a malicious act of contempt for the rules. Pour sugar in her fuel tank and do society a favour

    • Scorpex on 18/06/2018 - 23:25
      +4

      I almost think you mean it. I almost think you are right.

  • Scorpex on 18/06/2018 - 23:21

    I almost think you mean it. I almost think you are right.

  • Mrgreenz on 18/06/2018 - 23:34
    +1

    Joke about it in person. Then kinda let her know that your joking about it but she actually isnt doing it.

  • So Was Red on 19/06/2018 - 00:21

    Learn her driving patterns, get a dash-cam and co-ordinate a minor collision with her where she is at fault then take her to court and drag out the proceedings for as long as possible preferably ruining her life. Because how else is she going to learn?

  • Gauntlet on 19/06/2018 - 00:29
    +2

    Why can't people be more direct? It's like when I see a friend text while driving and I'm the passenger "DUDE, GET OFF YOUR (profanity) PHONE!" Yes, I am an (profanity) about it and yes, they deserve it.

    • Lv80 on 19/06/2018 - 20:04

      Yup. Call it out there and then. If the OP was so concerned about their safety I'd have said something in the car then and there. Not waiting for the entirety of the drive and still not have said anything.

  • DBBROS on 19/06/2018 - 00:55
    +1

    A Thank you note should do. Please don't forward the letter as she may not take it as an advice but a criticism of her driving skills. If you are really keen on correcting her driving, speak to her parents/ partner as they would know the person better than you

  • bad hombre on 19/06/2018 - 06:07

    Get her on a dvanced safe driving course - they are fun but also open your eyes up to speed, following too close and not paying attention soon, etc. Or talk to her. Do NOT send a letter!

  • bad hombre on 19/06/2018 - 06:07
    +1

    Err … what's a letter.

  • blackorange on 19/06/2018 - 07:04
    +3

    My dad has this habit of writing massively long letters afterwards about something that would have been a one liner at the time. As the recipient it makes my head explode when I open it and see a sea of text, I get an instant headache and after I read it invariably go WTF?? If it bothers you, just say it. They may have done something to annoy you for one car ride but you have been repeating it yourself in your head/ via your actions / on this forum for days - is that how you really want to spend your time?

    • padman on 19/06/2018 - 12:43
      +5

      Found OP's son/daughter!

      • Scorpex on 19/06/2018 - 14:57

        That's almost true! In fact, my younger daughter, who was a somewhat rebellious teen, wrote me a letter after she turned 21. In essence, it said….Dad, you were right all along and I'm sorry.

  • cwongtech on 19/06/2018 - 07:47
    +1

    Don't send a letter! If you need to tell a truth, always make it a funny story. "I have 45 years of experience" - you are pulling rank on them. Imagine how that would go in your workplace when you don't understand something and someone tells you to do things you think are unimportant.

    Don't shame them. Tell them how important it is because there's other lunatics on the road and it's because of the other bozos you need to always indicate.

    Or maybe how one day your indicator saved your ass one day.

    The best advice someone has given me is drive like everyone is out to kill you.

    Have as much distance as you can between any car, whether it's different lanes or distance in front and behind

  • wako on 19/06/2018 - 07:54

    Don't send the letter…
    She will learn the hard way like everyone else with the letter in the letterbox

  • GourmetFoodie on 19/06/2018 - 08:03
    +1

    Cannot believe how many people are saying to leave her alone! Her habit is a dangerous one that could kill someone.

    I would definitely say something but I would say it verbally and like any feedback, start with the positive e.g. "Thanks for the lift home in Saturday night, it was so much appreciated. You drive very smoothly which is always appreciated as a passenger. There was one thing I was curious on, I noticed you didn't indicate when changing lanes. Is there a reason you don't?"

    Let them respond.

    Maybe they have a crazy justification.

    "Interesting….well I wanted to mention it as I actually had someone do it to me recently and I almost hit them as I was going a little fast and had no idea they were going to jump out in front of me. Gave me a massive fright as thought my time might have been up.

    Actually saw a tragic story the other day where a motorcyclist did die. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5857449/Female-motor…

    Just reminded me that a few seconds of indicating and taking your time to move can save your life or the lives of others, so I'm certainly very aware of it at the moment. Hope you will be too."

    • idonotknowwhy on 19/06/2018 - 12:09

      You can't change something like this by writing a boomer letter. Such a change would have to be intrinsic.
      Sending a letter like this would only appear ungrateful.

    • kiitos on 19/06/2018 - 14:08

      He's suggesting doing it verbally, not via letter.

      Reciting the url would probably sound weird, though 😀

      • Scorpex on 19/06/2018 - 14:41
        +2

        You've given me an idea! Perhaps I should just send my (sort of) niece a link to the URL for this discussion, and say "Wow - look what I just found!" or something equally as lame

  • 13 on 19/06/2018 - 08:12
    +1

    This is serious breach..you need to get back in the car with you niece and get it on film then take it to the authorities

    • Lv80 on 19/06/2018 - 20:02

      Give it a rest. Serious breach?

      No. It's not great…but there are a hundred other things that I'd deem (more) serious before this.

  • Speckled Jim on 19/06/2018 - 08:23

    Scorpex, I wouldn't assume the role of remedial driving instructor for reasons that should be obvious.
    Get a third party to make the critique, preferably a qualified driving instructor. Consider a gift voucher for a defensive driving session.

  • georgeap on 19/06/2018 - 08:43

    Why don't you get your partner to tell her - I'm assuming they are closer.

  • Kunalk222 on 19/06/2018 - 08:58

    howso ever good your intentions are… it will be awkward and she might start hating you!!

  • Kunalk222 on 19/06/2018 - 08:59

    and Please do not send a letter…it will really be awkward and that letter will remain there for the lifetime…she will haunt you with it…

  • Beansbeansbeans on 19/06/2018 - 09:00
    +2

    you just sat there in the car not saying anything, and the rational approach from your perspective is to send a letter? If you’re on good terms just call her out when she’s driving. You won’t be on good terms anymore if you send her a letter about it.

    • Lv80 on 19/06/2018 - 20:01

      Exactly!!!!

  • h4zey on 19/06/2018 - 09:15
    +1

    plot twist: it's not his niece, but people in general.

  • biozet on 19/06/2018 - 10:32

    send the letter. education comes with risk…no one likes teachers. however letting someone know (in the right spirit) is doing the society a service.

  • MementoMori on 19/06/2018 - 10:58
    +2

    Good on you for trying to teach this to her. Unsure what is the best way, but I was knocked off my motorbike from a chick about her age who didn't indicate… 18 months of rehab and thousands of dollars later I'm OK again.

  • stingy-oz on 19/06/2018 - 10:59
    +1

    OP, I feel for you. As you seen yourself as a family member and certainly someone with more experience. The way I'd have approach would not be writing a letter. When you do that, it's like the government sending you a warning letter as it is a sign of authoritative messages to the younger generation.

    Your niece is an adult now and certainly do not need to be told off using letter. If you happened to be in her car next time and the habit of not indicating happened, i'd casually says "you know, noticed you didn't indicate. the car behind would be worried what you'd do next." or even jokingly says "i'd be pissed if I'm the driver behind" (all depends on your relationship with her).

    that said, writing a letter to your niece about how bad her driving is after a favor she did for you and your wife is probably a bad idea and can backfire badly. I've seen relationship severed simply by a piece of note that didn't sound proper - writing letter is like 10 times that bad.

  • [Deactivated] on 19/06/2018 - 11:35

    Don't send it, let her get a fine she won't forget, and you'll still be the favourite sort-of uncle. Win win win?

  • eggles01 on 19/06/2018 - 11:47
    +1

    seeing you did not have the courage to say anything face to face to her I would tell you to f**k off and next time walk,

  • Herbse on 19/06/2018 - 11:57

    She won't learn until after something happens.

    You can't passive aggressive your way to teach someone out of a bad habit.

  • idonotknowwhy on 19/06/2018 - 12:08
    +1

    If this is a serious post, please don't send that letter if you want to remain on good terms.

  • YuSo ScrooGee on 19/06/2018 - 12:33

    I dont like indicating either… its nobodys else business where Iam going lol

  • sbot on 19/06/2018 - 13:21
    +3

    "My observation? Indicating. It isn’t optional. "

    This is the worst wording. You sound like a snarky, condescending internet commenter. Maybe deliver this information without such a Tone.

    Something a little less petty sounding like 'I wanted to tell you that I noticed you omitted indicating most of the time,' would be a little less dickish.

    • dpr on 19/06/2018 - 16:51

      That part made me laugh. He reminds me of Larry David from curb.

  • CI on 19/06/2018 - 13:23

    this is so cute

  • Yummy on 19/06/2018 - 13:34
    +1

    Letter? Are we still in the 80s?

    Just Fax to her OP.

  • Zondor on 19/06/2018 - 14:17
    +1

    A letter is way too formal and the tone of the letter can vary depending on the person reading it. I'd offly mention it but never a letter.

  • idonotknowwhy on 19/06/2018 - 16:37
    +1

    https://snag.gy/wxJEyn.jpg

    "Wtf uncle Mike? Your letter sounded all formal and stuffy so I google'd it and found you asked a bunch of cheapskate strangers on the internet because you were too scared to face me? How could you do this to me?? T_T"

  • MessyG on 19/06/2018 - 18:12
    +1

    Dude why don't you just mention it next time you see her? "Hey I noticed when you drove us home you weren't indicating when you were supposed to. You're not trouble but other cars aren't psychic and don't know what you're going to do and might run into you if you chamge lanes or turn on them without warning". She's your niece! She doesn't need a letter just a friendly chat. Iff she takes it personally that's on her, at least you tried.

  • Symbiotic on 19/06/2018 - 18:24
    +2

    So she didn’t indicate at the right time, and you didn’t indicate there was a problem at the right time. Put the pen down and speak to her.

  • Cletus vandamme on 19/06/2018 - 18:25

    In regards to family I don't see the need to tip toe around such subjects. I don't believe in doing favours for family or friends, I don't owe them anything and they don't owe me. If they ever need help I just do and I expect anything but the same treatment. It does not mean I can't offer advice just because they helped me or I them.

  • Lv80 on 19/06/2018 - 20:00

    Or just ring her up and have a chat!

    You seriously feel you need to write a letter?
    If I was your niece I'd write you a letter back about how to have some tact and how to talk to people.

    Your letter though with the best of intent, comes off as condescending.

    Not having an accident doesn't make you a good driver. It could be that better drivers have avoided your driving errors to save you from not having one so bringing this up is a non issue and irrelevant. That you are telling your niece this is farcical.

    Ring her up. Have a chat. If you actually care this much, why are you waiting? She could have an accident today!!

    Oh..and I'm pretty sure she knows what she is meant to do and how she should indicate. Your step by step description is…again…condescending.

    Ring her up. Leave your preaching letter for someone you don't like.

  • fleetfeather on 19/06/2018 - 20:52

    you sound like a sort of/almost asshat my man… :)

  • SpotTheOzzie on 19/06/2018 - 22:46

    Your letter is passive aggressive, the idea of sending a letter is passive aggressive in itself, the way you write it passive aggressive.

    You know how to deal with this? When you're in the car and and you notice there's a pattern of breaking the law just say 'Hey don't forget to indicate as the cops are pretty hardass on that type of stuff'.

    • Plug on 19/06/2018 - 22:59
      -2

      "Passive aggressive"? Just the sort of term some leftie tree hugger would use before running away to hide in their "safe space".

  • Plug on 19/06/2018 - 22:58

    Get off her case. She did you a favour.

  • [Deactivated] on 20/06/2018 - 00:44

    HAHAHAHA I didn't think these type of people existed lmao

  • CVonC on 20/06/2018 - 01:54

    Did you tell your partner? If so what did they say?

    • Symbiotic on 20/06/2018 - 04:08

      That letter is still in the post.

    • Scorpex on 20/06/2018 - 09:43
      +1

      That's good…and good advice for me. I do get a little carried away….

  • sleet on 20/06/2018 - 07:55

    Are people on this forum for real? I mean, I would be greatful for a lift home but I would definitely be telling my family constructive criticism when it comes to driving. Not because I'm a preacher but because I care about their safety and other people's safety.

    Jesus and people on this forum care about feelings and getting hurt. How about if a family member died in a car accident?

    Sure, the OP could word it better and shorter but other than that, nothing wrong.

    • HighAndDry on 20/06/2018 - 09:54

      Sure, the OP could word it better and shorter

      Did you read the thread? Most comments address this part. Constructive criticism is good. Constructive criticism that gets tossed in the trashcan without being read, not so much.

  • giventofly on 20/06/2018 - 08:50

    Not indicating is a pet peeve of mine. Just tell it to her face.

  • WhatWhoWhyUsername on 20/06/2018 - 09:47
    +2

    the real question here is, is she hot?

    • imurgod on 20/06/2018 - 16:08

      Lmfao

  • TailsK on 20/06/2018 - 10:15

    Why don't you just talk to her next time you see her?

  • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 20/06/2018 - 10:26

    Michael Jackson popcorn.gif

  • FittyFitty on 20/06/2018 - 10:59

    If you were my "sort of" uncle I'd divorce you, man…

  • end user on 20/06/2018 - 11:50
    +2

    As a motorcyclist, I support your intention. But maybe such a formal letter isn't the way to go about it.

  • quog on 20/06/2018 - 12:42

    I would've just said while in the car

    Bloody hell, don't you indicate? F*$& me.

  • vaibhavwtg on 20/06/2018 - 12:45

    I think it was OP who has just received this letter from his GF's niece ;) and now thinking how to respond.

Login or Join to leave a comment
Login Join