Neighbour Wants Us to Change Laundry Detergent

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      Daabido on 02/01/2017 - 11:16

      +1

      The tooth fairy. She's always handing out money.

      • 

        xoom on 02/01/2017 - 11:19

        +1

        The ops neighbour might have been on santa's naughty list then since she did not get said air purifier.

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  Speckled Jim on 02/01/2017 - 11:24

  I've read none of the above, so apologies if I'm repeating something but this is my unbiased opinion.

  If her health has deteriorated since moving in X years ago, it's her responsibility to find a home more suited to her current condition, not impose her preferences on three other titles.
  Talk about tail wagging the dog!

  She chose to live near the laundry. It's her problem. End of story.

  • 

    Daabido on 02/01/2017 - 11:41

    -2

    Thanks for clearing that up for us.

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  WT on 02/01/2017 - 11:35

  Is she leaves her washing powder just use (steal) hers then

  Or just use 50% less of yours and add a splash of vinegar.

  Most good powders dont require a full scoop anyways. If you are a tradie hot water + powder soak is king

  I would suggest passive aggressive, change your soap or mix with borax/vinegar to dilute the smell, then add starch to her powder, gradually increasing it over time. Then make some trivial complaint about her.

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  syousef on 02/01/2017 - 12:16

  +6

  Would one of the cheaper detergents both save you money AND solve her problem? I use Aldi's apple green "landrite". You have to use a bit more but it costs about 1/6th of what the brand names cost so you still save a boatload. It isn't labelled "sensitive" though. But it is biodegradable and the smell is apple not something strong and artificial.

  My wife had severe allergies requiring use of an epi pen that put her in hospital a few times, so I have first hand experience. I was able to completely eliminate her hospital visits while she was with me and 2 pregnancies changed her allergies such that we now lead a much more normal life. I always got all kinds of crap about the modifications we both made to accommodate her allergies, but they were very real and I learnt to deal with arrogant idiots who thought they weren't by not wasting my time with them.

  So I am sympathetic to your neighbour but my suspicions are raised by her request to switch to sensitive detergent without specifying which brands are okay. There is no official definition for what makes a laundry detergent sensitive. So how does she know the sensitive brand you buy won't still be problematic. She mentions OMO sensitive. If you're going to comply politely ask for a list of detergents and ask if she knows which ingredients cause her problems.

  It may be one particular ingredient/smell or set of them that causes the problem. I know one person for whom lavender triggers headaches. Chances are it's real - not in her head. But I'm pretty sure it's not the word "sensitive" on the bottle or box that will fix your neighbour's issue.

  If you are going to make a change that costs you money it is reasonable to ask her to cover some or all of the difference in cost. I would also word your response to ensure it is clear what will happen if your agreed upon detergents aren't available.

  If you're not going to comply, don't play games or do social experiments putting one detergent in another bottle. No point in doing anything that might be considered deceptive or hostile. It just makes you look bad if the whole thing is taken further.

  I wouldn't tell her where to go but If you can't reach an agreement the problem remains hers.

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  ggkfc on 02/01/2017 - 12:33

  best course of action is to get her to pay for the difference between your current powder to this sensitive one. that way you can see if she's geniuine or just a trouble maker

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  [Deactivated] on 02/01/2017 - 12:44

  The complainant states her want of open windows and fresh air. This is scientifically and medically extremely inconsiderate to ABLV and rabies sufferers, in particular, their neurological aerophobia. The dislike of moving air with rabies is so high, briefly fanning the subject is part of the standard diagnosis process, as the discomfort caused is visibly pronounced. For the utmost societal plurality and inclusivity of the rabies afflicted, windows must be locked closed at all times and a program to permanently seal put in place.

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  FlyingSpaghetti on 02/01/2017 - 12:46

  +6

  Honestly having been in similar situations (and now learnt), probably not worth fighting this one. Though things obviously may still escalate overtime.
  I always now try and use language that if it comes to courts, body corporate meetings, it looks like your the one always trying to help out/do the right thing.

  I think your letter is a good one, but would take out the word dispute.

  With these sort of letters, I suggest;
  - first thanking the complainant for bringing it to your attention.
  (BTW this is not the same as acknowledging that the complainant’s perceived problem and solution are actually reasonable. you may want to in actuality rip their heads off, but it’s better not to have that in writing.)
  - Suggesting an option about how you can help with the problem, and mentioning how it does not benefit you, but you are willing to go out of your way to help them. But put an obvious delay or downside, which makes the option potentially not as attractive.
  - Providing an alternative option that puts more onus on them to change, with less work involved for you..

  ---

  Dear <name>,
  Thank you for letting us know about your strong aversion to certain laundry detergents. I can appreciate that you may feel that our laundry use has increased in recent months, however we actually tend to use the line as we are mindful of both the environmental and financial costs of using the dryers.

  Bearing this in mind, we would be happy to accommodate for your benefit, a transition to a sensitive laundry detergent. This will obviously take some time as we finish up our current detergent and are able buy the sensitive detergent on sale. Could you please provide us with a list of suitable detergents to ensure that we purchase something tat is appropriate for you. Alternatively, if you have some sensitive detergent available now, we would be happy to use yours in the interim.

  Cheers,
  JK

  ---

  Depending on how she chooses to respond you've always got;

  Dear <name>,
  sorry but turns out Omo Sensitive (/alternative) is just not financially viable for us at the moment with a young infant. Blah blah blah…..

  Again as others have stated she may chip in the extra $5 dollars or whatevers it is for you to get the omo sensitive.

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  [Deactivated] on 02/01/2017 - 13:08

  I can't stand stinky laundry liquid/powder so I use Earth Choice which doesn't smell. There are probably other options aside from omo

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  DeepSea on 02/01/2017 - 13:38

  +1

  I have chemical hypersensitivity, and it took years until I could manage things to live almost normal day to day again. The chemicals also alter the body chemisty including hormones, and while it wasn't really pronounced in myself, I recall articles about people becoming pretty moody or a bit agressive after exposure.

  With respect to your neighbour, the tone of the email after a second reading doesn't seem as off as on first reading. Maybe she could've been more tactful, and hopefully she was at least thankful or appreciative of the work you and your neighbours put it to the laundy and other situations. Otherwise I wouldn't take it personally, but at the same time there's no need to let anyone boss you or your neighbours.

  Juding by comments here, some people carry a chip on their shoulder and try to find fault in others to make themselves feel better, which is also the case in general. I just think that such persons are always feeling shitty and it manifests in other areas of their life, so I can only feel sorry for them. I try to take the upper hand, i.e. maybe I could never like the person, but no need to hate on anyone.

  Btw, I use Aware sensitive (Planet Ark brand) powder so I can recommend it.

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    [Deactivated] on 02/01/2017 - 14:07

    -2

    Typical passive aggressive superiority complexed pusillanimity, despite the fact you mean 'upper road' or 'high road', not the self-congratulatory 'upper hand' you used. You haven't taken the upper or high road, you've simply mounted your imaginary high horse to spray your own self-loathing ordure at others.

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      DeepSea on 02/01/2017 - 19:24

      Well you kinda proved my point. I'm sure I flaws and am ignorant in situations and have much of my own problems, but I think I'm way more concious about the benefits of neutralising a problem than when I was younger. I guess it's not about ignoring things, but to bring it to the fore to be discussed/processed (wisdom gained). If I notice when others carry their shittiness around with them, and hating on others, it's easy to bring it up on on forum like this since it relatively impersonal.

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        [Deactivated] on 02/01/2017 - 19:38

        How can you be 'concious' if you cannot even spell it?

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        DeepSea on 02/01/2017 - 20:17

        +1

        @Frugal Rock: never said I was conscious all the time.

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        Gravy on 03/01/2017 - 13:21

        +1

        @Frugal Rock: Einstein seemed fairly conscious… and was apparently a shite speller in both his native German and English. Same goes for a bunch of other characters from history who were considered great minds.

        As a pleb, I'm greatly enjoying the way you pepper your comments with several words I've never heard in common use. If nothing else, you are at least adding a few gems to my own vocabulary which I might use in scrabble if I'm ever bored enough to have a game. :)

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  Odin on 02/01/2017 - 14:08

  +1

  Use the same detergent / powder, just put it in an old sensitive bottle.

  This is beyond stupid and this person sounds like a real pain.

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  Plug on 02/01/2017 - 14:54

  +1

  So may products these days have so many chemicals in them it's unsurprising people become sensitive to some of them. As long as the requested detergent doesn't adversely impact you it's no biggie to change brand. I would anyway.

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  yesiamcheap on 02/01/2017 - 15:59

  +1

  are you that attached to your detergent choice? just do it, help someone else out - it makes zero impact to your day.

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    [Deactivated] on 02/01/2017 - 16:17

    +3

    Checking a floorplan before buying or renting is faster, cheaper and easier than even that! Everyone should try it. It also saves the later bother of rudely policing off the shelf groceries of other people minding their own business in the sanctity of their own home.

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      yesiamcheap on 02/01/2017 - 22:36

      +1

      mate if you invited me to dinner and I told you I had a peanut allergy I get the feeling you'd be cooking satay chicken that night :)

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        [Deactivated] on 02/01/2017 - 23:20

        Nup. You have a sense of humour and don't take yourself too seriously. No hints of passive aggression. That's rare. I'd spare you. You're a keeper.

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        yesiamcheap on 03/01/2017 - 09:22

        haha

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  dbun1 on 02/01/2017 - 16:28

  Stuff that. It's a shared facility.
  Everyone can't be expected to bow down to her needs.

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  HeWhoKnows on 02/01/2017 - 17:20

  I'm am an expert on strata matters. From years of experience here is my expert advice.
  FIRSTLY Its not your problem. You can just ignore her request or tell her to use a laundromat or put a washing machine in her bathroom.
  SECONDLY if she is happy to supply her choice of laundry powder for you to use (FREE) and you are happy to use it then by all means do this.
  THIRDLY She should apply to strata to have her own washing machine. Maybe everyone should have one. Would certainly avoid such issues.

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    Gravy on 02/01/2017 - 18:29

    +2

    I don't think you read the scenario fully. Her having her own washing machine wouldn't fix the issue as it's a matter of the laundry smells coming into her apartment.

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  HeWhoKnows on 02/01/2017 - 17:26

  She obviously has major issues with "communal living". Tell her to go and live in a house where she doesn't have to put up with everyone else and visa versa.

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  wfdTamar on 02/01/2017 - 17:31

  +1

  Wow, so many comments, so little empathy. While a few have made comments along the line of 'walk a mile in her shoes', most seem of the 'sod her' attitude.

  While I agree her garden letter was not very tactful, maybe a little petty, she was probably miffed that work had been done on a common area without consultation.

  The chemical sensitivity issue could be psychological, but it could also be real and a nightmare for her. If it is real, is it really that big a deal to help her? Shouldn't cost you anything (or very little). You after all are asking the block to put up with a baby (who presumably cries).

  I could give my own case - due to neighbours selfish behaviour I got deathly sick, was sleeping 3-4 hours a night, losing 1kg per week for 17 weeks, extreme difficulty breathing. A simple modification of what my neighbours were doing, which wouldn't have cost them anything, would have made the world of difference to me. Instead I had to go on hospital grade antibiotics for 12 months and have permanent lung damage.

  Most people, it seems, think 'what I do in my own property is my own business'. Well, yes, but when it has an effect on other people it becomes theirs too. In most of these cases it is selfishness and lack of consideration and/or empathy for the other person.

  Also, it may benifit you to change to the sensitive powder, particularly your daughter. I'm no Eco hippy, but I don't like my wash to smell of anything but clean and sun. If I pong of anything I'd want to choose something a bit more classy than cheap Omo fragrance.

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    [Deactivated] on 02/01/2017 - 17:45

    You do realise that electromagnetic radiation is caused by your actions. Where is your demonstrated empathy for electromagnetic hypersensitivity sufferers?

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    Gravy on 02/01/2017 - 18:46

    What were your neighbours up to to cause the lung damage?

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    Ughhh on 02/01/2017 - 20:57

    +2

    Is it also not selfish to expect others to change their quality of life to suit you? (assuming what they were doing was not illegal)

    It's unfortunate what you had, but You have the choice of moving or staying. There are pros and cons to everything. if you want independence, things to suit you and go by your rules, don't live in a shared environment.

    It's like people who constantly complain about work, if you hate it, do something to get yourself out of it. Upgrade yourself, find another job.

    • 

      wfdTamar on 03/01/2017 - 10:36

      +1

      You pretty much just made my point with that comment. Selfishness wins over empathy, even if the victim of the activity will die, just keep on keeping on hey bud?

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        [Deactivated] on 03/01/2017 - 11:01

        +1

        You are drawing a long bow stretching closing a window into a life and death matter. Points for trying. More people die from decorating Christmas trees than fragrance sensitivity.

      • 

        wfdTamar on 03/01/2017 - 11:08

        +2

        @Frugal Rock:
        I wasn't referring to the OP's case, but using my own and responding to Ughhh. However none of us can know how these issues affect that woman. Could be like I was she is on all fours every night gasping for breath, but sod her, she can die for all were supposed to care right? As long as our clothes smell like apples (or whatever).

        I have no idea what your comment about EMR meant.

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        [Deactivated] on 03/01/2017 - 11:21

        -1

        @wfdTamar:
        Anyone using electronic devices and the internet is contributing to the discomfort and suffering of Electromagnetic Hypersensitivity sufferers. You cannot claim to be compassionate, accomodating and empathetic to all sensitivities if you selfishly continue to use technology (like the rest of us).

        No one using the internet can browbeat others about selfishness of behaviour without having contributed to the malady of people sensitive to the use of electronic noise and radio signals. You'd have to use charcoal on papyrus delivered by mule to appease all sensitivities, but someone, somewhere would still sneeze.

        There are people in this world who need medication to treat allergies and anaphylaxis. There are also people who are highly allergic to that very same medication. If they live next door or sit next to each other on a plane, who wins? Who gets the empathy ticket?

      • 

        Ughhh on 03/01/2017 - 13:10

        even if the victim of the activity will die

        Didn't realise the "victim" of fragrances was held hostage at the unit. The victim of a bully should just continue being a victim and please everyone else right.

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    [Deactivated] on 03/01/2017 - 20:30

    Your neighbours gave you a lung bacterial infection? I assume thats what they prescribe "hospital-grade (what does that mean anyway, are there home-grade, clinic-grade, industrial-grade, agricultural-grade antibiotics?)" antibiotics for.

    How about you have some empathy for the residents of the other three unit.

    Something has gotta give. If I can't live somewhere comfortably I should move. You can't demand other people to help tick all your boxes if you cannot afford to tick all of it yourself. Weigh up your priorities and live with the consequences. That is what I would expect others to do to me too.

    A smoker moved in next doors. Too bad for me, he has a right to smoke (doesn't do it every day) so I'll look to move. In the mean time I either close the door or go to another room.

    I can't move into a cheap place and expect everybody else to make it more ideal for me at their cost.

    • 

      wfdTamar on 04/01/2017 - 09:53

      +1

      Yes - bronchiectasis (though I'm not sure about the bacterial bit), and yes, there are antibiotics that you have to get at hospital.

      I love how every statement made on here has to be almost legally proved before people accept it. The assumption seems to be you are lying/exaggerating/ looney instead of a reasonably normal person that has a decent point.

      Of course there are those that cannot even string together a sensible point, or can't do it in a manner that other people have even the slightest idea what the point is.

      Frugal Rock - yes, I know about EMR. I even bought a $200 meter to measure it when looking at houses now that I can afford to move (as a few were within 50 metres of huge power transmission lines).

      Yes, everyone using the internet is contributing to the 'mass' of EMR, but it is not like if you turn on your computer you blast your neighbour with death rays. Frankly your using that to back up your argument is ludicrous.

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  PurpleWinter on 02/01/2017 - 18:02

  Sounds like a strata manager's issue…

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  OzzyOzbourne on 02/01/2017 - 18:18

  +1

  I presume she knows what detergent you use from the box/bottle it comes in.

  I would do an experiment. Get the detergent she suggests, then when it gets partially empty, start mixing in your original detergent and see if she notices the different smell.

  If not, she's just moaning for the sake of moaning.

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  MessyG on 02/01/2017 - 18:27

  I think you are a lovely human for accommodating her and I think everyone giving the 'tell her to bugger off advice' need to go to compassion school. Psychological problems are still crippling bloody problems and are no less real than 'physical' ones. And if there is no harm to be done to anyone in switching to sensitive laundry detergent then why not? Yes it's an odd request and her email comes off as a little entitled but she's asking for a laundry detergent switch, not shares in Rio Tinto.

  I think changing detergent is a good choice, but I wouldn't change the frequency of your laundry because that has a bit more an impact and you have a small child (so never going to happen anyway). I would offer to do it in certain times so she can shut her window in those times - does she have the window open day and night?

  • 

    [Deactivated] on 02/01/2017 - 18:48

    +3

    I had to close my windows on New Year's Eve due to fireworks smoke. Could you please give the details of that compassion school to the organisers so they will considerately use non-flammable and smokeless firework substitutes, maybe people in costumes with streamers, so my windows can stay open for my maximum wellbeing and health. Thanks in advance.

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      MessyG on 02/01/2017 - 19:39

      Well I certainly can't argue with that stellar logic.

      • 

        ankor on 02/01/2017 - 22:25

        All Frugal Rock needs is a bit of discipline..

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  Gravy on 02/01/2017 - 18:51

  +2

  This whole thread would make an interesting case study on human empathy.

  • 

    [Deactivated] on 02/01/2017 - 18:56

    +2

    And the link between empathy and self-benefit.

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      Gravy on 02/01/2017 - 19:11

      as in if the OP decides to accommodate the woman's needs then it may have the benefit of creating more harmony and a friendlier neighbour that he could perhaps ask a favour of at some stage?

      • 

        [Deactivated] on 02/01/2017 - 19:27

        +2

        No. More that people empathise more with people and situations they personally identify with and foresee themselves as or might face. It's not selfless or noble to empathise, it's herd mentality and it's socially programmed behaviour. Even in this thread there are many attempts to shame independent thought.

      • 

        MessyG on 02/01/2017 - 19:38

        +1

        @Frugal Rock: Everyone is socially programmed. Whether that programming is with the majority or not, humans are conditioned to react and respond in one way or another.

        I suggest you read the The Universal Declaration of Human Rights and try to understand that empathy, herd mentality, and majority social programming are necessary for a peaceful society. There's nothing wrong with the herd if it is functional and doesn't encroach on personal rights.

        It's not shaming independent thought to express distaste for a lack of empathy.

      • 

        [Deactivated] on 02/01/2017 - 19:55

        +2

        @MissG:
        Do you honestly believe that women empathise equally with:

        1) a woman with child
        2) pregnant woman
        3) single woman
        4) man with child
        5) single man

        Any person subscribing to an inequitable system favouring one section over another is an all day sucker. Truly. I suggest you read Nietzsche absolutely hitting the nail on the head about herd mentality.

      • 

        MessyG on 02/01/2017 - 20:04

        @Frugal Rock: I don't understand your argument. At all.

      • 

        [Deactivated] on 02/01/2017 - 20:29

        @MissG:
        That's a bit angry of you. It was a question.

      • 

        MessyG on 02/01/2017 - 20:34

        @Frugal Rock: It's an argument started with a rhetorical question. And I'm not arguing with you about the necessity of empathy.

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        [Deactivated] on 02/01/2017 - 21:45

        @MissG:
        Let's look at the nearest evolutionary cousins with respect to social structure and empathy.

        Gorillas: females highly social with hierarchy. dominant males kill children of rivals. subordinate males will kill opportunistically.
        Orangutans: peaceful but not social in the wild.
        Chimps: social females. males form gangs to kill rivals. adult males highly violent.
        Bonobos: female dominated highly social hierarchy. Least violent primate.

        Bonobos most endangered :p

      • 

        MessyG on 02/01/2017 - 22:22

        @Frugal Rock: Well again, I really can't argue with that stellar logic, can I?

      • 

        [Deactivated] on 02/01/2017 - 23:12

        +3

        @MissG:
        You've already played your stunned mullet trump card, multiple times. How many are you hiding up your sleeve? This one even looks hand drawn.

        I admire your pearls of wisdom also:

        "The problem is genuine because it's a problem." - Space Cadet MissG

        If I brain-fluff anything as vacant as that, I'll self-impose a timeout. :)

      • 

        MessyG on 03/01/2017 - 08:04

        +2

        @Frugal Rock: I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint you again then, because once again I have no idea what you're arguing here.

      • 

        [Deactivated] on 03/01/2017 - 09:08

        +3

        @MissG:
        Then don't patronisingly try to impose your value system on others that you repeatedly admit that you do not even understand. You are the one trying to control the behaviour of grocery reprobates through preachy judgement, shame and your own belief system. It's not for everyone. Save it for your fellow herd members.

      • 

        Gravy on 03/01/2017 - 13:55

        +2

        @Frugal Rock: But that's how humans generally learn to empathise with others, by having direct or indirect experience with similar situations. This is why I mentioned the burning plastic analogy in one of my earlier posts, to give those without experience a way to walk in the complainant's shoes.

        With regards to this thread, the "independent thought" you mention seems to come more from people who seemingly have not had similar experiences to the woman mentioned and when compared with those who have had similar experience the "independent thinkers" seem to be slanted towards having a lack of empathy. This is particularly obvious in posts where people are suggesting taking a shit on a doorstep, calling in the bikies, asking for email addresses for possible harassment, adding starch to her detergent, faking solutions, dusting with detergent etc… some of which are likely said jokingly but are perhaps a symptom of a general lack of empathy for others.

        I'm generally interested in the way your mind works on this subject, perhaps because I don't have many people in my circle with similar personality traits (and if I have had in the past then they have gradually slipped outside my circle as I learn more about them).

      • 

        Gravy on 03/01/2017 - 14:04

        +1

        @Frugal Rock:

        So are you surmising that the Bonobos are most endangered because they are the least violent and dominated by females, and therefore we need to be more violent and show less compassion towards each other in order for our race to survive as a whole?

      • 

        [Deactivated] on 03/01/2017 - 14:46

        +1

        @Gravy:
        I'm not advocating violence, just simply observing that Orangutans (prior to destruction of their habitat) live their lives without empathy as they are loners. Empathy is not a requirement for survival, clearly. Empathy increases the survival odds of social female gorillas and chimps, but reduces the biological fitness of the dominant males. It's definitely not one size fits all. Presuming empathy as some kind of natural order is a poor predictor of behaviour

        I think it's interesting that bonobos are the most empathetic and peaceful primates and also the tiniest population. Genuinely, draw your own conclusions as that was an innocent observation and remark. My main point was simply that many creatures have lived for millions of years without empathy. You cannot presume it or force it on others. You could use artificial rewards to train an adult male chimp to act empathetic and compassionate, but you are fighting their natural instinct and behaviour. Rutting human males will fight. You can make laws to punish it, but if you want to predict their behaviour, a tainted emotional belief in the underlying goodness and compassion of mankind is a terrible predictor, and more of an unscientific form of religion. Presuming selfishness and reward seeking in people is a better predictor of behaviour, even if only in the form of validation.

      • 

        [Deactivated] on 03/01/2017 - 20:39

        +1

        @Frugal Rock: I agree with your stance on benefit and empathy. I don't think humans would have spread so wide over the planet (discussing the merits or downsides of this is an entirely different topic) if we had empathy with every apex predator.

        MissG is probably advocating this because she benefits from flaunting her superior morals and signalling her virtue. Her perceived social and ego has gone up at least 2.4 ticks.

      • 

        Gravy on 03/01/2017 - 20:42

        +1

        @Frugal Rock: WWF reckons the bonobos decline is due to: "Civil unrest and increasing poverty in the area around the bonobos’ forests have contributed to bonobo poaching and deforestation. Though the size of the bonobo population is largely unknown, it has likely been declining for the last 30 years. Scientists believe that the decline will continue for the next 45 to 55 years due to the bonobo’s low reproductive rate and growing threats."

        Ironically it's perhaps due to human's lack of empathy towards the bonobos that is putting them at risk.

        Empathy is certainly an interesting topic, I agree that species don't need it to exist but I certainly feel safer in an environment where it does exist. Laws can only go so far with regards to protecting you, we need empathy and compassion for that last mile.

        You are probably right that empathy loses out in many cases where survival instincts kick in but then there are also those people for which empathy and compassion rules right to the final breath.

      • 

        Gravy on 03/01/2017 - 20:51

        @lolbbq: Empathy doesn't have to be something you publicise though, there is no benefit to internal empathy and in fact it can be quite a negative feeling when you put yourself in someone else's shoes, you can actually start to feel the emotions that the other party may be feeling. I think to assume there is some reward in feeling empathy for others is mostly wrong, sure there may be cases where this does apply (perhaps a politician or actor publicly feeding an ego for example) but for those that truly feel empathy then I think it's selfless.

      • 

        [Deactivated] on 03/01/2017 - 23:34

        @Gravy:
        Empathy isn't something to be proud of. It's a bias against intelligent decision making. Untouched tribes in the Amazon coldly and actively abort deformed babies without hesitation. They have to due to incredible inbreeding. Lack of empathy is the only reason they are alive. What do we do in the modern world? We have campaigns to save every single child, no matter the affliction, and recklessly create incredible genetic problems downstream. The recent trend of grandmothers carrying their infertile daughter's children is deliberate devolution of the species.

      • 

        Gravy on 03/01/2017 - 23:50

        +1

        @Frugal Rock: Yeah, that would be an example of survival instinct or greater good taking precedence over empathy for an individual. I do believe though that even in this situation that empathy may be felt for the deformed baby by the tribes people or at least the mother, but not strong enough to overcome the survival instinct of the group as a whole. Another example would be if I were hungry and needed to kill an animal for food, I could still feel empathy for that animal and would kill it with as little suffering as possible.

        So judging by your comments, am I correct to assume that you don't feel empathy? Or have limited empathy? If it's the latter, what would be an example of a situation where you would feel empathy?

      • 

        [Deactivated] on 04/01/2017 - 00:10

        +1

        @Gravy:
        I feel innate empathy for real and actual things, but the form being bandied about in this thread is just used for emotional blackmail. It's just a peer pressure technique for manipulation. Relating to this situation? I'm a good neighbour and haven't even met my most obvious neighbours. A lunatic above plays bongos weekly at 2am and I haven't complained. I'm a mild germophobe so I would never, ever share a washing machine with strangers.

      • 

        Gravy on 04/01/2017 - 00:22

        @Frugal Rock: Do you feel that chemical sensitivities are simply psychological? Or is this just your conclusion for this particular case? Was there something in particular that led you to this conclusion?

      • 

        [Deactivated] on 04/01/2017 - 00:44

        @Gravy:
        Not enough information, hence why some form of medical certificate would help. I think a high chance is it's hormone or menopause related, where it's listed as a symptom. Sorry, but sleeping and laziness is a symptom of puberty and kids still go to school. Not my problem. I think 90% of the causes fall into the basket of the OP's right to privacy being more important. I feel sorry for the OP as home ownership is expensive and you still get stupid nonsense and other people's problems. I actually do feel empathy, but for the OP and the feeling of the broken dream of owning your own home. I once met a neighbour by him trying to trick me out a right of way. It's not nice and sets the tone.

        I lived in Japan for a while where walls are thin and had the misfortune of getting a room next to a communal toilet. An Egyptian used to use the small pit toilet also for sponge baths at 5 am. The sounds still haunt my nightmares. If you do math, the fragrance lady might be getting 20 hours of washing machine a week. It would be annoying, but equally it's her own silly fault. I think she also should be smart enough to extend the flue or whatever but career victims rarely choose the smartest engineering route.

      • 

        John Kimble on 04/01/2017 - 09:01

        @Frugal Rock:

        I lived in Japan for a while where walls are thin and had the misfortune of getting a room next to a communal toilet. An Egyptian used to use the small pit toilet also for sponge baths at 5 am. The sounds still haunt my nightmares.

        Bahaha; it's like the opposite of that Seinfeld scene where George visits his mum in the hospital.

      • 

        MessyG on 04/01/2017 - 09:32

        @lolbbq: Flaunting my morals and virtue like a (profanity) since 1996. Represent.

      • 

        [Deactivated] on 04/01/2017 - 20:28

        @Frugal Rock: The problem may be a "little" smaller than that. People campaign to signal virtue and policymakers/stakeholders accede to maintain public image. Not every and any one is allowed to pass their genes down (yet). If true, that grandmother thing is highly disturbing and I can imagine the age of the participants.

• 

  [Deactivated] on 02/01/2017 - 19:55

  +1

  Your neighbour seems to be hyper-sensitive to smells like detergents and other washables. I don't think that changing your detergent would work as she can have the same sort of problem with your new detergent as well.
  What you need to do is, treat her psychologically. That is what it was suggested above in some other post also. Assure her that you have changed your detergent but don't actually do that then ask her about how does the new detergent bother her…
  Check out for her answer, if she really feels a difference then it is obviously a psychological problem.. And if she doesn't feel any difference then your detergent must have smelled really bad lol.

  • 

    John Kimble on 02/01/2017 - 20:00

    Two other units have already switched to the same one she uses (OMO Sensitive) and she says it has made a difference.

    • 

      [Deactivated] on 02/01/2017 - 20:09

      If she has any smell sensitivity problem then it doesn't mean that she wants everybody living nearby to change their detergents. However, OMO sensitive detergents also wash well and are tough on stains. Anyways, if you think that not switching the detergent would damage the relationship; also if you don't mind changing your detergent then you can go ahead.

    • 

      WT on 03/01/2017 - 12:08

      +3

      Secretly she has stocks in Omo and her master plan is to change everyone in the entire neighborhood over for extra profit

  • 

    MessyG on 02/01/2017 - 20:05

    -2

    That is incredibly unethical.

    • 

      [Deactivated] on 02/01/2017 - 20:25

      +1

      Not to mention but there are people who keep on bothering others behind the veil of medical issues. It is hard to figure out whether they have a genuine problem or not. Anyways, I have had a worse experience of travelling abroad and facing faze behaviours regarding many different issues. So, it is absolutely not unethical. I have become stubborn in such cases.

      • 

        MessyG on 02/01/2017 - 20:38

        The problem is genuine because it's a problem. The woman makes no financial gain from this - I agree that the asking the OP to do less laundry is too much of an ask given that it directly inconveniences the OP's life but a change in laundry detergent that the OP doesn't mind making passes the test for mutual non-harm.

        Playing switcharoo on someone who has some kind of problem, whether medical or psychological (cancer patients can be exquisitely senstive to smell resulting in horrible vomiting), when you don't know what that problem is, has the potential to do harm, and is essentially experimenting on someone without their consent. It's unethical.

        And this situation isn't the terrible situations you may have encountered. In fact it's completely different so your rules don't apply.

      • 

        StewBalls on 03/01/2017 - 09:21

        +5

        @MissG: I mean this in the nicest way possible, but somebody as dangerously naive as you shouldn't be giving advice to anyone on how to deal with a person who clearly has significant mental health issues…seriously.

        I know you mean well, but your blissfully ignorant approach coupled with your condescending attitude is not productive…

      • 

        MessyG on 03/01/2017 - 14:09

        @StewBalls: I'm sorry that you feel I'm being condescending, it wasn't my intention. Am I to understand that you then advocate secretly switching detergent in someone who may have mental health issues?

      • 

        Gravy on 03/01/2017 - 14:13

        +3

        @StewBalls: Not sure how you came to the conclusion of significant mental health issues in this case or that MissG is dangerously naive.

        My personal conclusion from the limited info is perhaps the complainant is a serial complainer and busybody, but she could equally just be someone who has genuine health issues and likes a certain aesthetic in her immediate environment. There is the chance that she does have mental issues but that's not obvious from any info I've read here.

        Edit: Even the fact that she mentioned pneumonia originating from the gardening activities is not as far fetched as you might think.

      • 

        [Deactivated] on 03/01/2017 - 20:44

        @MissG: You dismiss the harm and inconvenience to the OP so easily.Could you empathize with the OP a little? Is it any less real that the neighbour is out to get him? Playing "Switcharoo" would establish if he was dealing with a genuine problem (which can be helped easily) or if he has dealing with somebody who was out to get him.

      • 

        MessyG on 03/01/2017 - 20:51

        +4

        @lolbbq: The OP already stated they were happy to switch the detergent and I agreed that the OP should not change how often they do their laundry just to suit this person (especially as they have a small child as I said) so I'm not quite sure what you mean by dismissal of harm.

        I simply do not agree with lying to this person as a means of establishing if the problem is 'real'. As I said, the OP is a lovely person for considering this (especially given some of the responses on here) and this renter sounds like a challenging person. Challenging people don't just stop being that way if you tell them to **** off, it probably makes them worse if anything. By offering to change their detergent but declining to go any further than that is working with the tenant while establishing boundaries. That tenant may not like getting their way 100%, but they then can't accuse the OP that they haven't listened or tried and the OP will feel more comfortable in standing firm on those boundaries because they HAVE tried.

      • 

        John Kimble on 03/01/2017 - 21:05

        +1

        @MissG: I am a terrible liar, so even if I wanted to she would see straight through me haha and she is the owner of her unit.

      • 

        [Deactivated] on 03/01/2017 - 21:18

        +2

        @John Kimble:
        Do not listen to MissG's junior jedi mind trick. Do what you want, but do not blush like a schoolboy simply because someone uses crude reinforced 'lovely' ego massaging to manipulate you.

      • 

        John Kimble on 03/01/2017 - 21:21

        @Frugal Rock: The force does have strong influence on the weak minded…so I might be in trouble! :p

      • 

        MessyG on 04/01/2017 - 09:29

        @Frugal Rock: Yes, god forbid it's a genuine compliment, the sky will fall and the bonobo's will truly be wiped out then! Let us all lather up in our personal-gain driven agendas and massage each other with manipulation until humanity is fixed ;)

      • 

        [Deactivated] on 04/01/2017 - 09:59

        @MissG:
        Who is the one getting aflutter over a common grocery item, Henny Penny? That would be you. I deal with fragrance threats the Chuck Norris method, with man musk and grit. I can imagine you in trench warfare. "Anyone bring ethically sourced shea butter hypoallergenic body wash? The enemy found out theirs wasn't BPA free or Pete Evans certified and, as I say, empathy above all else"

      • 

        Gravy on 04/01/2017 - 12:16

        +1

        @Frugal Rock: Awww… not a bad snipe… but you see you just can't go making trench warfare jokes as a self confessed germophobe, it opens you up to a swathe of witty comebacks, but I can't be arsed choosing from the selection in my head right now.

      • 

        [Deactivated] on 04/01/2017 - 13:41

        +1

        @Gravy:
        You should get tattoos on your forehead and hind so you can tell the difference between the two in clutch situations like these. It might prevent the ignominy of stagefright and placeholder, meta comebacks.

      • 

        Gravy on 04/01/2017 - 14:37

        @Frugal Rock: Too true, wouldn't want to pull one from my arse by mistake, especially given your germophobia, it wouldn't be setting a good example for the empathy argument at all.

        On the upside I now know what a clutch situation is as well as the meaning of ignominy, if we keep at it like this I expect to overtake your intellect by sundown. Your use of placeholder still confuses me though even after looking up alternate meanings, were you simply going to come back later on and fill in the blank or did I completely miss the subtlety of that one?

      • 

        [Deactivated] on 04/01/2017 - 15:38

        +1

        @Gravy:
        An artist might explain their work, but not which side of the canvas it's on.

      • 

        Gravy on 04/01/2017 - 15:55

        @Frugal Rock: Oh I get it now… I was interpreting the flow of the text incorrectly due to the comma, thinking that "placeholder" and "meta comebacks" were two separate things. Makes more sense now that I know you are referring to my lack of comeback.

        I like that quote, is it yours?

      • 

        MessyG on 04/01/2017 - 16:14

        @Frugal Rock: That would be you mate, what with the destruction of mankind as we know it due to deathly Bonobas monkey kindness and the lathering of compliments. I engage in no trench warfare, that's for the hairy balled primate minions to battle out until they're all dead and we Bonobas will emerge, diminutive in numbers, but winners after all.

      • 

        [Deactivated] on 04/01/2017 - 16:41

        @Gravy:
        Sure is. If I was quoting someone else it would be the Emperor telling MissG: "Good. Good. Let the hate flow through you."

      • 

        Gravy on 04/01/2017 - 17:21

        @Frugal Rock: Point awarded.

• 

  skillet on 02/01/2017 - 22:39

  +3

  Firstly, I think this woman approach is polite and she may have mental issues or perhaps overly sensitive nose which she cannot control, some sort of malfunction perhaps I am not a doctor. As long as it is not too much of a hassle I will definitely help someone out of sympathy especially she is my neighbor. However, there is a limit where I start to ignore the person when it's becoming a bully.

  I have sensitive nose I can tell which type of detergent was used but I am not bothered by it.

  Parents who washes kids clothes will know that manual pre-scrubbing always works best. I have tried various detergents whatever on sale but when my child with eczema arrived, I switched to Omo sensitive. The lack of smell is mind bending. I can't believe it works as well as others but when I scrub clothes with bare hands it's as slippery and as good. The regular detergents is loaded with perfume that we don't need. And yet they charge more for detergent without smell!

  So this woman is actually doing you good. Do you want your skin to contact and absorb all the extra nonsense added to the detergent to smell nice?

  • 

    roh008 on 02/01/2017 - 22:48

    +1

    sure if it was her first request.. but have you read the number of other 'problems'/issues she has raised, if you look through the thread and see the OP's comments about the other issues that have been raised, I would be less motivated to switch.

    Or I would switch but would look for something as a quid pro quo arrangement.

• 

  mousie on 02/01/2017 - 23:17

  +4

  If she annoys you again you can dust high fragrance laundry powder to keep her away like Mortein outdoor.

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