Bought a $29 "smartphone" and I REGRET NOTHING and then I BOUGHT A "REAL" SMARTPHONE for MAXIMUM FUNNESS.

lost69 on 17/03/2016 - 16:06
Last edited 19/03/2016 - 15:14

So everyone has a smartphone, so after a few cones, I flew down to my local Coles and purchased the cheapest nastiest model they had, and it came in a fetching RED. MARVELLOUS! So giggling profusely and completely off my tits I handed over the trifling sum. I AM NOW MODERN:

http://www.zte.com.au/telstra/T792.htm

Emails actually work with little lag, which is surprising, seeing as that processor would likely die under any strain and the RAM would just randomly combust, banking actually works (I half expected the banking app to laugh out the loudspeaker and refuse to install) and porn is acceptable. Now you could spend $1200 on an S7, but this is SO MUCH FUN. FUNNESS. Yes. Indeed. Carry on.

EDIT:

So after much consideration and even more bongs the Telstra Y5 arrived and is substantially improved. Can now move up to 720p porn. PROGRESS. Even if the screen isn't 720p. And Centrelink even has apps now! HOW POSTMODERN! Decent build quality and battery life to boot. Has even received a patch for the innumerable Android exploits. VERILY! LET THE FUNNESS PROCEED!

EDIT II:

Didn't buy the Pixi (teehehehehehtteeeeheeeee) as Alcatel is French and what have the French ever actually done anywhere anytime besides losing WW2 and then losing Vietnam? And the specs are very similar to the Y5 either way.

Mobile Mobile Phone ZTE Android

Comments

  • user27 on 17/03/2016 - 16:14
    +6

    If you are just planning to call, text and browse email, i guess you're WINNING!

  • scrimshaw on 17/03/2016 - 16:32
    +15

    You can now party like it's 2010..

    • scotty on 17/03/2016 - 20:30
      +2

      I bought the Nexus One in 2010. Same screen size (3.5") but only single core. This ZTE would totally rock any phone from that era.

      • MrMcHairyHead on 17/03/2016 - 21:11
        +2

        That phone was fantastic in its time. It couldn't compete with the iPhone, but it was probably the second best design and I always though it looked really cool. And amoled!

  • [Deactivated] on 17/03/2016 - 16:37
    +5

    Cool story bro.

    Needs more dragons though.

    (Yes I just realised that rhymes but anyway)

    • scrimshaw on 17/03/2016 - 16:48
      +23

      Seeing that the OP has a penchant for smoking cones, I've made a tribute song for him

      I was gonna smoke a few cones
      until I got high
      I was gonna go out and buy a new phone
      but then I got high
      but now I've got a ZTE now and I know why (why man?) yea heyy,
      - cause I got high, cause I got high, cause I got high

      (Afroman)

    • OzzyOzbourne on 19/03/2016 - 17:55

      You're a poet and don't you know it!

      • [Deactivated] on 29/03/2016 - 22:00

        Good one lol

  • Clear on 17/03/2016 - 16:43

    It's not all that bad. I've used it and found it to run better than most budget Saumsungs.

    • Nanohexagon on 17/03/2016 - 18:43
      +1

      Samsung makes one of the worse budget phones

  • Ughhh on 17/03/2016 - 17:10
    +2

    You're gonna be spied on now and your phone is gonna be hijacked, or maybe it already has but you dont know!

    • nismo on 19/03/2016 - 12:27

      Oh, he knows.

      With cones, comes paranoia.

      He would already know he's being followed, tracked, stalked etc. It's just that it's even more public now.

  • ellave on 17/03/2016 - 17:13
    +3

    Its got a Radio & Expendable memory, 2 feature a lot of phones done have!!

  • lost69 on 17/03/2016 - 17:19
    +1

    Such scorn and ridicule!

    I've ordered this:

    https://www.telstra.com.au/mobile-phones/prepaid-mobiles/hua…

    Seems to tick the boxes. Not even the cost of a 1/2 ounce so it is most acceptable.

    • scrimshaw on 17/03/2016 - 18:41
      +5

      You could've saved even more.

      The LG Leon C50 was $69 and had just about the same specs. It can also be unlocked for a mere $5 from eBay.

      Your Ozbargaining skills are dissapointing.

      • lost69 on 18/03/2016 - 08:55

        Ain't Telstra. This one seems substantially better than the ZTE one.

    • niknah on 17/03/2016 - 18:45

      I recently brought something with almost the same specs from ebay. A Doogee x3, was about $80
      No problems, runs all the stuff that I need to, the only thing it doesn't have is a compass and gyroscope.

  • blitz on 17/03/2016 - 17:29
    +2

    Can you comment on battery life and any increased attention from the opposite sex?

    • [Deactivated] on 17/03/2016 - 18:10
      +1

      The mobile phone turns you asexual

      • scrimshaw on 17/03/2016 - 18:33
        +11

        If he fails to find a mating partner, the phone is rootable….

  • [Deactivated] on 17/03/2016 - 18:07
    +2

    Quite the paranoia turnaround, OP, despite the cones…
    I reckon that it'll wash over you again, soon enough.
    :)

    Just one of many- https://www.ozbargain.com.au/node/236827#comment-3501497

    +enjoy some of the OP's colourful posts - https://www.ozbargain.com.au/user/158001/nodes

  • GameChanger on 17/03/2016 - 18:09
    +1

    I prefer 69 over the phone personally.

  • retiredfeline on 17/03/2016 - 18:09
    +2

    I see your model is prone to break into ALL CAPS mid-sentence. That's the problem with cheap phones.

  • Adz81 on 17/03/2016 - 19:07
    +1

    OP wins the internet today… may their day be filled with much funness…I shall carry on an otherwise humdrum existence, longing for the day that I can get high and purchase a smartphone without spiralling into a haze induced paranoia… kudos to you OP… Carry . The. (profanity). On.

    • [Deactivated] on 17/03/2016 - 21:32

      The grass that OP's smoking must be pretty strong.

      • lost69 on 19/03/2016 - 15:16

        Plus a little something something.

  • BargainKen on 17/03/2016 - 21:31

    shoulda gone for the alcotel pixi 4.5 4G which goes on sale regularly for $29 at the local woolies. You get 4G so shaz and the kids can watch cartoons while you smoking blunts on the way to work!

    • BargainKen on 17/03/2016 - 22:46
      +1

      Sorry I meant centreline,not work

      • [Deactivated] on 18/03/2016 - 00:16
        +1

        You mean Centrelink…

        • BargainKen on 18/03/2016 - 06:49

          yes autocorrect got me again

      • Speckled Jim on 18/03/2016 - 09:46

        You got a set of Centrelines for sale? Pics pls.

  • fruit on 17/03/2016 - 21:32

    How's the rear camera for video?

    • lost69 on 19/03/2016 - 07:26

      Sexting is most acceptable, can even see some of the more fleshy wrinkles in details.

  • CheapskateQueen on 17/03/2016 - 23:55

    OP you're a funny one. :')

  • ozbjunkie on 18/03/2016 - 11:18

    Porn is acceptable! Well I'm glad you coverE that because it was the first thing I thought of. Waiting for the boobs to load like its 1999.

    • BartholemewH on 19/03/2016 - 00:09
      +4

      The boob pics are how the smartphone peddling overlords gain control. We must revert to ASCII pron immediately.

      • scrimshaw on 19/03/2016 - 12:53

        [8008135]!

        ooh my, such titillating UTF-8 characters have never been seen on the internet!

        click here now and get hot salacious booty in your area!

        Disclaimer
        (your device must support WAP. Additional SMS charges may apply)

  • MasterNoob on 19/03/2016 - 04:32
    +1

    is this the dark side of Ozbargain?

    • Maxxjet on 19/03/2016 - 07:26

      Probably not, otherwise it will be re-branded to Ozcheap

    • BartholemewH on 19/03/2016 - 20:19

      notinozanymore.onion

  • lost69 on 19/03/2016 - 07:26

    Have updated OP. Like fully.

  • SpaceNinja on 19/03/2016 - 11:07

    you should have bought pixi 3 selling at officeworks for $19 recently.
    better specs and much cheaper:
    http://www.officeworks.com.au/shop/officeworks/p/optus-alcat…

    • Kenb0 on 19/03/2016 - 12:47

      I'm assuming these pixi's are carrier locked to Optus. Can they be easily/cheaply unlocked?

      • lost69 on 19/03/2016 - 15:16

        See edits. Much edits. Indeed.

      • SpaceNinja on 19/03/2016 - 20:32

        $1.29 for unlock code at ebay.

        • tunzafun001 on 21/03/2016 - 20:24

          Free unlock if you use the Optus online chat and tell them you bought the phone 7 months ago. I bought it last month, asked for the code last week, code arrived in my inbox today.

  • DiscoJango on 19/03/2016 - 12:48

    boss thread

  • QuickToThePointless on 19/03/2016 - 14:41
    +1

    Lol…probably the most random thing i seen on ozbargain…right up there with the rant on pulled beef being a scam

    what actually inspired this thread in the first place?

    • lost69 on 19/03/2016 - 15:15

      What inspires the teapot or the toaster? Am I really replying to this or is it the Easter Bunny?

  • Donaldhump on 19/03/2016 - 16:52

    can you spare some bud

  • [Deactivated] on 22/03/2016 - 21:39

    Fair few years ago in google search when you typed in french war victories it would reply with a search of french war defeats.

    Ray hadly has a song about you nimbin folk.

  • lost69 on 10/04/2016 - 06:30
    Merged from Fare thee well smartphone

    I tried, I really didn't. Whilst ingesting quantities of delicious yet dubious quality plant material yesterday I and the smartphone had a talk and it ended with a divorce. I knew it was watching on me and cheating on me. It really was. NOT ANYMORE. Back to my sexy Cruise:

    http://www.zte.com.au/telstra/T126.htm

    Now I'm still not sure what year it is but my trusty candybar has never left me for Snickers, no JUST NO. So indeed, no more smartphones, EVER. They are like a succubus that endlessly roots with you but it will never end well. For you. No. And Android is even more broken then I am. SAY NO KIDDIES.

    • Hoju on 10/04/2016 - 07:34

      Ha I love it.

      I would totally do the same EXCEPT i cannot go back to the old way of texting.
      I'm fine having an archaic phone that stops draining my attention from other things, but when I need to send a text and COMMUNICATE with my device, and it takes ages, then it's too much…

      • lost69 on 10/04/2016 - 08:01
        -1

        Enough with the communication. Mobiles are just a waste. Send a letter or a pigeon. Text this, sext that. Spend $50 a month on than. Pffft. I'll get around to your message. Eventually.

        • [Deactivated] on 10/04/2016 - 22:09

          Juat got to start the fire for my smoke texts by rubbing 2 feature phones together.

      • WorldClassMiser on 10/04/2016 - 08:51

        I use the Blackberry-style phones with the full querty keyboard. I just bought a Blackberry 9900 to go with my Inq Chat and Nokie E71. Perfect compromise

      • StewBalls on 10/04/2016 - 13:17

        I would totally do the same EXCEPT i cannot go back to the old way of texting.

        ^This! The speech recognition on WP is outstanding, I haven't finger typed a whole text for months…

    • holoz0r on 10/04/2016 - 07:35
      +3

      Bikies.

    • spychiatrist on 10/04/2016 - 08:38

      You sound like my neighbor, hasn't and won't, even if I told him about the cheapest droid phone

      • Diji1 on 10/04/2016 - 11:33

        Frankly he's probably better off without a phone than having a 512MB Android device lel …

    • Diji1 on 10/04/2016 - 11:32
      +1

      You are no longer part of Google's data collection bot net that you pay a large up-front cost and a insignificant on-going cost to be a part of.

      Bonus: the device that you are no longer pay for constantly annoys you by vibrating and making noises to alert you to important information like your music playing program is running after you started hearing music or that your friend's twitter account has updated to inform you that your friend walked somewhere.

    • OldBugger on 10/04/2016 - 12:17
      +1

      What you gonna do on public transport now, huh? Talk to people? What about when you go to concerts? You think you are going to just watch and enjoy it and forget about the urge to take pointless HD video with your hand held high in the air? Ha, I'd like to see that.

    • [Deactivated] on 10/04/2016 - 19:04
      +1

      Android doesn't have to watch you…

      You don't have to rid yourself of a smartphone.

      You can build your own rom by reading through AOSP and remove all the Google Spyware.

      Ironically on another note; what Westerner's call preinstalled apps are what the Chinese would regard as Spyware apps. Conversely the English dominated online forums think Baidu Maps, Qihoo Antivirus, Didi Dache are preinstalled Chinese spyware. x_X

      Now if only iPhone was open source, then I could recommend doing frankstein's tricks on it.

    • [Deactivated] on 10/04/2016 - 22:21

      Have one of them for a company phone…. such a shite os but battery like is good.
      If there was a full qwerty hardware keyboard it would be a lot better to use.

    • try2bhelpful on 10/04/2016 - 23:17

      I grew up technology poor; never going back there again. I go almost, but not quite, back far enough for when TVs began in Australia - Pre mobile phones, pre video games, pre home computers, pre portable sound devices. You'll come crawling back the first time you go any distance on public transport and get bored out of your brain.

      • StewBalls on 11/04/2016 - 07:46

        Nothing wrong with picking up a book IMHO, you might enjoy it AND learn something at the same time…shock, horror, news at 11! ;)

        • BargainKen on 11/04/2016 - 13:53

          And you're not able to learn and enjoy electronic version of the book?

          • StewBalls on 11/04/2016 - 13:56

            @BargainKen: And how exactly are you going to read the electronic version in this scenario???

          • BargainKen on 11/04/2016 - 21:46

            @BargainKen: @StewBalls: Kindle, generic e-ink ebook readers?

          • StewBalls on 12/04/2016 - 07:26

            @BargainKen: @BargainKen: Seriously, what part of this particular topic being about:

            Pre mobile phones, pre video games, pre home computers, pre portable sound devices.

            …and that obviously includes the devices you've mentioned…did you not grasp???

            Honestly, you OzBargainers have the memory span of goldfish.

          • BargainKen on 12/04/2016 - 09:38

            @BargainKen: @StewBalls: sorry didn't realize this thread was merged from another, I was still thinking it was about the cheap smartphone, not going back to the flint stones era of doing things.

        • try2bhelpful on 11/04/2016 - 19:32

          When I read a book, I read the paper version. I find the electronic version doesn't do it for me. (As indicated above I am old school). BTW surfing the internet opens up the entire world to you. (I prefer to do the cryptic crossword on my iPad.)

        • StewBalls on 12/04/2016 - 07:28
          +1

          @try2bhelpful: Remember your own words:

          You'll come crawling back the first time you go any distance on public transport and get bored out of your brain.

          If you can't get through a simple bus or train trip without technology then I have grave fears for your attention span.

        • try2bhelpful on 12/04/2016 - 07:54

          @StewBalls: My attention span is just fine. Obviously you can't deal with a bit of hyperbole.

          Not sure exactly what we should be attending on public transport. I am never so distracted I'm not aware of my surroundings but I'm not driving the means of conveyance so I don't think it needs my full attention.

        • StewBalls on 12/04/2016 - 07:59
          +1

          @try2bhelpful: You might want to be a bit more explicit with your hyperbole in future…and maybe keep your line of reasoning consistent…just FYI.

        • try2bhelpful on 12/04/2016 - 08:02

          @StewBalls: If you didn't recognise that as hyperbole then you must have some really earnest people in your life. Not sure why you think my reasoning is inconsitent. You might want to explain without hesitation, repetition or deviation :)

        • StewBalls on 12/04/2016 - 08:15
          +1

          @try2bhelpful: Nah man, you just need to improve your literacy & reasoning skills…

        • [Deactivated] on 12/04/2016 - 10:13

          Potential for this argument between you two to end badly, maybe in the OzBargain carpark. As per BargainKen, above, original comments from merged threads don't appear to come with any notification. I was going to suggest that the OP could record it all on his brand new smartphone…

          Just a 0.3 Mega pixel VGA camera on that old Telstra Cruise of his.. You two are going to look VERY blurry on Youtube and A Current Affair!

        • try2bhelpful on 12/04/2016 - 18:17

          @Tas: Sorry I had to bail on the banter, had to go to work. Apparently my light hearted comments are striking a bad nerve; who knew. Funny how some people get so worked up about meaningless stuff. The first rule about Ozbargain club is you don't talk about Ozbargain club.

        • [Deactivated] on 12/04/2016 - 19:20

          @try2bhelpful:
          Not TBA? If further fists to fly, remember OP's 'VGA'; (ง'̀-'́)ง don boxing gloves for benefit of viewers on YT & ACA.

          Orange with OzBargain logos, maybe.
          A new merch idea for Mr. Yang.

        • try2bhelpful on 12/04/2016 - 20:21

          @Tas: I think I would prefer a Whistler Vs Wilde quip off.

        • [Deactivated] on 12/04/2016 - 21:00

          @try2bhelpful: Be kind. Pointless comment will be distressed at not being able to stick a fork in.
          You. Stewballs. Carpark. NOW.

          OP, post smoking your cones, post the link to the video.

        • try2bhelpful on 12/04/2016 - 22:25

          @Tas: I get the general impression it would be the Hugh Grant / Colin Firth fight scene from Bridget Jones. Full of sound and fury signifying nothing.

        • [Deactivated] on 13/04/2016 - 06:15

          @try2bhelpful: Thread's Miss Ughhh Pug to be played by Renée Zellweger, pre-plastic surgery and in feisty mode. OK.
          OzBargain servers knocked-out late last night, but maybe jv the one still jittery.
          Carpark leave pass granted, Stewballs, in case still there.

          As you were/are right now, OP.

    • [Deactivated] on 11/04/2016 - 14:15

      @ ponyhearts and others

      I went through Android 4.2.2 and found it is impossible to have the internet enabled and to stop Android sending your phone records and related details. It can't be done afaik.

      Still rather have a modern phone.

      I found one solution 2 days ago for my disliked Win7 phone. It slipped out my pocket unplugged the headphones and slipped gently into the sbend. It kept working for a minute, but it killed it on third startup.

      Might as well ask. Is there any small cheap phones ~$30 with good quality soundcard like nokia/samsung. Both mine are noop now.

    • PVA on 11/04/2016 - 20:18
      +1

      just post a new comment on your many posts saying the same thing. stop making new posts like this.

  • Ughhh on 12/04/2016 - 08:08

    Pretty sure Op is a 99 year old fart who's a king in his own little vintage fart world. You have the same rant in every post related to smart phones.

    • lost69 on 12/04/2016 - 09:44

      And you are? Some broke 10yr old?

      • Ughhh on 12/04/2016 - 09:46

        I don't recall ranting about being broke. Also, I'm actually 5 years old!

  • Speckled Jim on 13/04/2016 - 14:57

    Well, I happen to agree with OP.
    Awaiting the day there's queues of kiddies around the block for their trans-humanist neural implants.

    Smart Phones = Stepping Stones.

  • lost69 on 13/04/2016 - 15:35
    +1

    I really should edit that OP, but I've scrapped them all. Using Vodafail's 365 instead. $20 a year for a phone is MOST agreeable.

  • s12321 on 05/07/2016 - 17:31

    still got android phone under 30?

    • BargainKen on 05/07/2016 - 21:49

      the alcotel pixi i got for $29 came with a $20 google voucher, so technically a $9 4G phone if google play credit is worth anything

      • s12321 on 05/07/2016 - 22:16

        still available for this offer? :D

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