Bought a $29 "smartphone" and I REGRET NOTHING and then I BOUGHT A "REAL" SMARTPHONE for MAXIMUM FUNNESS.

So everyone has a smartphone, so after a few cones, I flew down to my local Coles and purchased the cheapest nastiest model they had, and it came in a fetching RED. MARVELLOUS! So giggling profusely and completely off my tits I handed over the trifling sum. I AM NOW MODERN:

http://www.zte.com.au/telstra/T792.htm

Emails actually work with little lag, which is surprising, seeing as that processor would likely die under any strain and the RAM would just randomly combust, banking actually works (I half expected the banking app to laugh out the loudspeaker and refuse to install) and porn is acceptable. Now you could spend $1200 on an S7, but this is SO MUCH FUN. FUNNESS. Yes. Indeed. Carry on.

EDIT:

So after much consideration and even more bongs the Telstra Y5 arrived and is substantially improved. Can now move up to 720p porn. PROGRESS. Even if the screen isn't 720p. And Centrelink even has apps now! HOW POSTMODERN! Decent build quality and battery life to boot. Has even received a patch for the innumerable Android exploits. VERILY! LET THE FUNNESS PROCEED!

EDIT II:

Didn't buy the Pixi (teehehehehehtteeeeheeeee) as Alcatel is French and what have the French ever actually done anywhere anytime besides losing WW2 and then losing Vietnam? And the specs are very similar to the Y5 either way.