Friend Dying of Cancer (Few Mths to Live) ~ $1000 Wedding Gift 'experience' in Sydney Area?

Daniel Plainview on 20/12/2022 - 15:46
Last edited 22/12/2022 - 11:18

EDIT: Much thanks for the continued replies and thoughtsm - I've sorted out a solution that hopefully assists them in some small way - thank you
https://www.ozbargain.com.au/comment/13141885/redir

Hi,

I'll firstly say that sadly this is very much legit and I'm not some douche making up such a story - in hopes others will find him some fantastic deal.

A very dear friend of my wife and I - wasn't feeling well a few weeks ago, went for checkup and then told it was stage 4 cancer. 6 months to live. She had full on surgery but they've now found this has spread all over lungs, brain etc - chemo treatment resulted in seizures. So she's been told perhaps 3 mths to live at most & is going palliative. It's been crushing for her as it's all come from 'That ache is weird' - to you will be dead soon - in just a few weeks. I posted a thread here when we thought she had longer:
https://www.ozbargain.com.au/node/738866

She is marrying her long time partner over the next few weeks - my wife and I were hoping to get her an 'experience' type wedding gift e.g dinner, overnight stay, doing something etc - as she has so little time left so they can have a day/memory/moment together rather than a consumer durable gift etc.

It should ideally be in the greater Sydney area and perhaps up to $1000 (we are alas not wealthy, I don't work and my wife is admin worker in regional NSW but we're flexible it its someting very special). Also happy to 'package' a few smaller things into a bunch of stuff - if what you have in mind is lower cost - as more $$$ doesn't always mean a better experience.

I'd just highlight that she is now in pallaitive care - so bungee jumping etc - likely not a great fit, but less physically demanding ones would be ideal.

So if you've done something that you think was magical or have an idea please feel free to let me know - or if you know someone who you think can pull a string that'd be most appreciated - I am NOT looking for a handout or charity - but just an average lady you might walk by on the street, working class background but she's truly a really lovely, selfless person and it's just been a real gut punch to us to hear of this terrible news.

Please feel free to post & I will try and reply or you can PM me as well.

My sincere thanks in advance. :-)

Find Me A Bargain

Comments

  • 87percent on 20/12/2022 - 15:49
    +30

    Night sleeping in the zoo?

    • Daniel Plainview on 20/12/2022 - 15:49
      +2

      I have already checked this today - its on my shortlist - so good idea.

    • HeWhoKnows on 21/12/2022 - 14:17
      +6

      Well this post is certainly something different.

      Good on ya OP!

    • cerealsmok3r on 23/12/2022 - 08:57

      holy shit i want to do this now haha

  • Gunnar on 20/12/2022 - 16:01
    +25

    Truly sorry to hear about your friend and hope that the last few weeks/months are not too tough on them :-(

    It's a really tough time to do some of the presents because palliative care can struggle to go through with a gift you may have; just physically it may be too difficult to do.

    I would check with her partner just to see what they would like or what they would think is something that they can physically do with her state.

    I can't comment on options but having had a few family members go through aggressive cancers the deterioration can be really quick. It's hard to make a suggestion without knowing how much physical strength they have and how long it will be before they lose this strength.

    One suggestion would be to host a small gathering on their behalf at their house (assuming they can host); like do or organise all the invites, food prep, cleaning, etc for them). The key is that you (or someone else) put all the effort into this so she and her partner do not have to do anything but can enjoy the experience.

    From my experiences with this people in situations like this appreciate your time more so than any tangible gift or finances you may be able to provide for them. Essentially the type of gift I'm suggesting is one where they do not have to put effort into going somewhere or doing something.

    For example if you look up something like a private chef you can have a restaurant experience at home. Unfortunately I don't have anywhere/anyone I can recommend as I have never done something like this.

    Regardless of what you decide with all the very best and great effort trying to make their last few weeks a nice time for her.

    • Daniel Plainview on 20/12/2022 - 16:08
      +4

      Agree with you on all this - and yes, prior to getting anything I was going to liaise with her partner to check out physical capabilities and just preferences e.g I book them in at Tetsuyas (is that still around??) for a seafood degustation meal and he detests seafood is no good. :-)

      Ideally i wanted to shortlist of ideas - and then I can try and figure out from there.

      I agree in terms of whats most precious for them being 'time' etc - we travelled 700km to try and see her just last week - but due to covid's re-emergence and her being scheduled for chemo, we were turned away by hospital staff at near the very last minute. Seriously we were 15mins from her hospital when we were called and told we could not see her.

      We live 700km or so from her so time etc is atough one but we have already put together some 'intangible' type gifts for her where $$$ doesn't factor into to the impact. :-) So the hosting a gathering type idea isn't going to work - we're just too far away but good idea and I take the sentiments to heart.

  • distemper on 20/12/2022 - 16:05
    +3

    Have you looked at Bubble Tent? Camping in the bush although it is 2 hours out of the Sydney CBD.

    • Daniel Plainview on 20/12/2022 - 16:12
      +2

      Thanks for idea - I'm not sure she's ever been the glamping type. had a quick squiz, is unique but seems a tad exxy for whats really just a novel structure - in an admittedly great location. I think the 2hrs travel might be the deal breaker as well - but excellent suggestion - thank you.

    • JelIyfish on 21/12/2022 - 22:22
      +2

      $1000/night to sleep under the stars… what am I missing?

  • neo on 20/12/2022 - 16:11
    +5

    What a horrible thing to have to go through. Wish you the best Nikko with your plans.

  • currentfad on 20/12/2022 - 16:18
    +15

    Sorry to hear about this. One of my most memorable experience to have done with my partner is Hot Air Ballooning over the Hunter Valley. It cost me circa $600 for two people via Redballoon for the experience + breakfast at a local vineyard. Would definitely factor in some accommodation for the previous night as it is a very early morning start, which would get you to around $1k.

    A very serene experience (and hilarious when the kangaroos decided to start boxing) that I would recommend to all.

    • Daniel Plainview on 20/12/2022 - 16:23

      Good idea, I had this on my short list - just need to check how they are with heights. :-)

      • Tovers93 on 21/12/2022 - 09:04
        +2

        From memory, you have to be fit and able to climb into the balloon basket (vault it at waist height) - just something to consider with your friend's condition

        • Sensiekatie on 21/12/2022 - 12:23
          +1

          Also, the companies here in Qld, you have to be able to stand for the duration of the flight. So no seats or wheelchairs etc.

    • FoxJump on 20/12/2022 - 16:43
      +7

      I also enjoyed hot air ballooning over the HV
      Except, i did NOT enjoy booking overnight accommodation, waking up at 5am, going to the take-off location - only to be told that it is postponed due to too much wind.

      I'm happy they take safety seriously, but, it was annoying.
      i had to reschedule two more times before we finally made it.

      So, given Nikko's friends has a time limit, I would not risk the time spent going to an activity that gets cancelled due to weather.

      • currentfad on 20/12/2022 - 17:11
        +2

        That's a very valid point that went over my head as I was lucky enough avoid - thanks for pointing that out.

  • Jimothy Wongingtons on 20/12/2022 - 16:20
    +13

    No real constructive feedback to give on this one, but just chiming in to share my sympathy.

    40-ish hey, I'm not really that far off that and I reckon I'd be flat out saying I achieved anything in my life really. Other than maybe not going insane from my job..
    A real wake up call, so thanks.

    What about gifting the money to them in cash/transfer/kickstarting a gofundme? Not to be morbid but the costs are surely quite high for medical etc.

    • Daniel Plainview on 20/12/2022 - 16:25
      +2

      Hi, ummm they've got private cover and likely wealthier than ourselves, so not really a fit.

      I get your sentiments but I have a principle issue with gofundme's for just anything. Alas the medical costs aren't that high as she's palliative care now - and has private cover.

      The only advice I can give - is get stuff checked IF/WHEN it comes up - don't assume it'll be fine. But thank you for your kind words and ideas. :-)

      • serpserpserp on 20/12/2022 - 16:30
        -8

        Private health cover does not equal no cost for cancer treatment. Unless you go full public there is a lot more cost involved than people think.

        • Daniel Plainview on 20/12/2022 - 16:55
          +2

          ???
          She is not getting treatment - she is dying and on palliative care - as stated in OP.

          • serpserpserp on 20/12/2022 - 19:29
            -6

            @Daniel Plainview: Point about Private cover still stands. Even in a palliative setting it isn't free.

            More of a PSA for people that see others going through cancer and assume it is all covered by PHI or the public health system. There are costs involved and sometimes they are significant for what you would think should be very minimal (ie. the drugs taken as an outpatient in a private hospital standing add up quickly if you are visiting weekly etc.

            Best wishes for her and her family. It is a horrible situation many never fully understand.

      • Jimothy Wongingtons on 20/12/2022 - 16:37
        +3

        is get stuff checked IF/WHEN it comes up

        Earlier this year I had a lump on my back - it was getting really sore and increasing in size over weeks- finally got the guts to go see a doctor…it turned out to be a very, VERY bad in-grown but I was low key scared it was the big C to be honest.

        Doctor had a laugh at me ..

        • Munki on 21/12/2022 - 21:33
          +2

          Think of it like this though: Better you went to get it checked than let it fester and find out you've only got a few months to live down the track.

      • Jimothy Wongingtons on 20/12/2022 - 16:35
        -1

        Please feel free to join in on the memorial after-party in the ozbargain platiunum members lounge after for kfc hot and crispy, and dare iced coffee (lactose free) - it's what Jimothy would have wanted.

        • MS Paint on 20/12/2022 - 16:36

          Shut up and take my money

    • Smol Cat on 22/12/2022 - 09:19
      +1

      Yeah seriously that’s just depressing to think about. What have I really achieved in this life. Nothing of real importance. And I think some of us live as if expecting to make it safely to our 90s when in reality we could go at any time.

      Existential crisis time.

  • dontboopthesnoot on 20/12/2022 - 16:25
    +3

    Sorry to hear, just wanted to say all the best with the idea and hope you take care of yourself too!

    • Daniel Plainview on 20/12/2022 - 16:28
      +6

      Thats kind of you thank you - I'll be ok, old school tough - been a bad year though - my only brother was killed riding home from work by a guy on meth, who it looks like will essentially walk free due to a legal loophole.

      I digress but will be posting up soon asking folks thought on stuff - tricky as is in front of courts at present but wish to discuss why as a society we're ok with such lenient sentences on deaths & serious injuries folks cause in motor cars due to negligence, alcohol & drugs.

      • BartholemewH on 21/12/2022 - 20:27
        +6

        I had a long post written, but do not wish to detract from the point of this thread. Suffice to say, I would consider even 'good' outcomes in regard to sentencing in these situations to be grossly inadequate. My condolences on the loss of your brother and the subsequent situation in the courts. Look after yourself.

  • brendanm on 20/12/2022 - 16:25
    +1

    Swimming with dolphins etc?

  • spackbace on 20/12/2022 - 16:28
    +22

    Private chef cooked dinner at someone's house? That way she's still comfortable, but gets a quality meal, something I'm sure she craves after hospital food

    • MS Paint on 20/12/2022 - 16:31

      Awesome suggestion spackbace

    • Daniel Plainview on 20/12/2022 - 16:31
      +1

      Good idea too - I've been looking at food ones a lot - as she is serious about her food. I think she's still ok getting around - and as someone who cooks a lot myself to a decent level - getting a cook into your home would be tricky on the cook and you. But I am definitely all over the good food ideas as it's a base pleasure who who doesn't love an amazing meal. So thank you.

      Do you have a source or link for this?

      • spackbace on 20/12/2022 - 16:35
        +4

        getting a cook into your home would be tricky on the cook and you.

        Not that tricky, there's many services around who offer this :)

        https://www.sydneyprivatechef.com.au/menus#SS2020-anchor - Under $200 each
        https://www.gathar.com.au/how-it-works - Similar pricing

        For added tears, you could find a way to be there, and/or other relatives/friends she hasn't seen for a while

        • Daniel Plainview on 20/12/2022 - 16:44
          +1

          Thanks - I've had a look and it'd work well for a smaller gathering but for just 2 people it's not a great fit - high costs as they need to price in the low number of meals. I might stick with restaurants for now - but much thanks. :-)

      • Intoxicoligist on 22/12/2022 - 18:31

        If she's a foodie then definitely look into something like a degustation at one of the higher end places in Sydney. Aria, LuMi Dining, Ester and Arthur all come up as pretty highly rated.

    • Daniel Plainview on 20/12/2022 - 16:37
      +34

      All due respect - but if you feel you have such info, please don't limit your sharing of it to me - I'm sure The Lancet etc would love to hear.

      I'm going to assume you're being 'helpful' so please assume I'm being 'nice' when I say this isn't the time or place for your PM requests.

        • Daniel Plainview on 20/12/2022 - 16:49
          +21

          If you've had cancer you'd know that certain lowlifes prey on vulnerable and desperate dying people to make a buck? Right? But you're not doing that ….are you? You're trying to help……?

          As you 'beat it' not once but twice….good for you.

          So why the reluctance to even give a hint as to what you're dangling at me - if it's just a phone call away save all our collective wonder?

            • bobbified on 20/12/2022 - 17:17
              +5

              @aboabo:

              Yes I'm trying to help.

              So why are you being so mysterious and secretive about this seemingly-miracle treatment?
              If it works, I'm sure there's quite a few people here (or people they know) who would benefit from it.

            • Ghost47 on 20/12/2022 - 19:06
              +2

              @aboabo: Is it fasting?

              Big pharma’s whole business model is reliant on people getting sick and dying. It’s recession-proof!

              • ripesashimi on 22/12/2022 - 12:30

                @Ghost47: I mean I have done intermittent fasting for years now. OMAD on weekdays, no food at weekends except a light salad when I attend bbq.

                But I am not silly enough to think that does anything to cancer. When you are on chemo, you pretty much have to force yourself to eat because everything tastes like shit. Sure fasting starves cancer cells, but one may die due to exhaustion from chemo before cancer kills them.

                • Ghost47 on 22/12/2022 - 15:02

                  @ripesashimi: By the time you need chemo, stage 4 or whatever that may be, I doubt fasting will help.

                  This guy said “destroying cancer cells” which can be interpreted IMO as both early and late stage cancers.

            • Diji on 22/12/2022 - 10:40

              @aboabo: It's vaping, isn't it?

            • opt on 22/12/2022 - 11:22
              +1

              @aboabo:

              It's on the internet and took me months of intense research.

              If its on the internet then why not link to it ?

    • MS Paint on 20/12/2022 - 16:38
      +6

      Now is not the time dude. Really?

    • geshc on 20/12/2022 - 17:04
      +1

      Can you let me know perhaps. I have a relative with pancreatic cancer :(

      • Clear on 20/12/2022 - 22:57
        +3

        On an actual serious note I'll send you a PM about my surgeon.

  • FoxJump on 20/12/2022 - 16:45
    +1

    Whatever activity you pick , consider that it may end up being the surviving partner that ends up using.

    A family member had cancer. Dead 3months after surgery.
    Every new "stage" of progression hits faster than the expected time line.

    Palliative says: "in about two weeks you should feel blah"
    .. occurs a week later

    Kind of example.

    • Daniel Plainview on 20/12/2022 - 16:53
      +2

      Maybe - I might die of a heart attack or aneurysm before I finish this sentence - I can't worry about things I can't effect. Your point is taken but I was aware of this - hence I'm trying to sort this ASAP - we literally found out yesterday.

  • Dancingprincess on 20/12/2022 - 16:53
    +4

    Just be aware of any food related/private chef suggestions. When I went through chemo one of the worst side effects was the loss of taste. I love my food but lost all sense of taste and in fact my favourite foods tasted awful.

    • Daniel Plainview on 20/12/2022 - 16:53

      She's not in chemo, she's on palliative care only. :-)

      • Dancingprincess on 20/12/2022 - 16:56
        +5

        Oh sorry I thought I read in one of your posts that you got turned away from the hospital due to her being scheduled for chemo. Anyway if no chemo then a food suggestion should be Ok then

        • MS Paint on 20/12/2022 - 17:01
          +1

          You were correct

          but due to covid's re-emergence and her being scheduled for chemo

        • Daniel Plainview on 20/12/2022 - 17:13

          Thats ok - no apology needed. :-)

  • Mokr on 20/12/2022 - 16:56
    +1

    It's kinda weird how we think we need to have lavish experiences when you got not a long time to live. Me I'm a browse ozbargain and get some cheap food deals.

    Best to ask them but yeah if I had limited time the worst thing would be having to do something I didn't want.

    • Clear on 20/12/2022 - 20:52

      I ate $400 steak before I died and it was completely worth it. I think it's always important to treat yourself. For some people it's lavish and for others it can be cheap.

  • 87percent on 20/12/2022 - 17:18
    +5

    Friend is also going through the final stages of pancreatic cancer. He’s 34, and given less than 6 months. Was extremely depressing to read his bucket list

    • Mokr on 20/12/2022 - 17:53
      -7

      What exactly was on his bucket list?

      Star in a porno

      Create a music video?

      • 87percent on 20/12/2022 - 19:08
        +17

        The ones I can remember…

        Get married (did this one a few weeks ago)
        Actual Camping
        Attend music festival
        See his family (they live in China, and couldn’t get out and he couldn’t get in.. so will unlikely be able to do it)
        Watch every Marvel/HP/LOTR movie in one sitting

        His list was just so “normal” which made it hard to read.

        • Mokr on 20/12/2022 - 22:14

          damn i must be basic, will need to ask people

    • Ghost47 on 20/12/2022 - 19:22
      +5

      That sucks.. sorry to hear about your friend.

  • Buttocks on 20/12/2022 - 18:55
    +3

    Nice thing to do Nikko, I feel for all of her family and friends. If she is an animal lover an experience on my bucket list is an overnight stay at the the Jamala Wildlife Lodge in Canberra. An easy and comfortable drive from Sydney. It may be a little more than what you have budgeted for…but luxurious and African wildlife outside your room. Check it out and I hope it is a useful suggestion. Bless.

    https://jamalawildlifelodge.com.au/

    • Daniel Plainview on 21/12/2022 - 08:36
      +1

      Thanks for the idea - I'd never heard of them. While I am into wildlife I don't know about her and while I agree on the travel being easy it's getting to where from what i am told it's very hard to KNOW how any given day is going to be. e.g you book in for certain dates and they're just not able to get up that day as its a bad one.

      Alas yes, it's a tad expensive too but nice idea thank you.

  • Ghost47 on 20/12/2022 - 19:08
    +4

    I don’t have any suggestions except maybe a helicopter ride or something. Or a plane flight over Antarctica. Whatever it is it’d be easy going and not physically intense. Hot air ballooning as mentioned would be alright. Oh, whale watching might be a good one. Heard good things about that. Would be good if she does catch a glimpse of those majestic beasts.

    Sorry to hear about your friend, that sucks.

    • mrkorrupt on 20/12/2022 - 19:37
      -2

      that will be good, showing her the earth is……… and the ice wall before they pass. looks at you flat earthers

      • Ghost47 on 20/12/2022 - 20:29
        +6

        Wut.

  • AndyC1 on 20/12/2022 - 19:33
    +7

    Ask her what she wants to do and you organise it so it gets done.

    • Master Bates on 20/12/2022 - 20:51
      +4

      Exactly this OP. Stop guessing what might be best and ask them what they would like.

      Surprises are great until you get something you don’t want or can’t use.

    • Daniel Plainview on 21/12/2022 - 08:38
      +3

      If only it were so simple - she's very proud and I have no doubt she will not assist in the least. She'd likely get upset by the attention we're giving her as she knows we're not wealthy or anything.

      So it's one of those things we have to figure out ourselves.

  • simplystu on 20/12/2022 - 22:47
    +5

    I'd just like to add …
    Ultimately DR's assessments are just that … A "best guess scenario".

    Both my parents late 70's.
    Both have had cancer in 1 form or the other (my mum was worst, as cancer was in her spine - that spread right throughout her body).

    At one point, the doctors said to start making funeral arrangements, as unlikely to survive the weekend, while in a coma … That was some 1.5 years ago.

    Both still alive, surviving. Both out of hospital at home but ongoing treatment.

    Cherish every moment you have with your loved ones/family … It's something i wish i could tell my younger self.

    On that note, am spending christmas with family - who i've only seen once this year (physical distance).

    • HelpMeiCantSee on 21/12/2022 - 08:25

      Unfortunately, the younger diagnosed patients are diagnosed at end stage. Metastatic disease in a young person is very, very bad news there is no coming back from.

  • HelpMeiCantSee on 21/12/2022 - 08:23
    +20

    My wife and I thoroughly enjoyed our last “going out” meal together at quay. We had the matching wines and degustation. It was incredible, we were there for like 6 hours, with the world buzzing by.

    She wasn’t able to drink due to the chemo, tumours in her liver and pain meds, but she really loved it. It was just the two of us, and for those few (several) hours, not a care in the world. I hold that memory dearly.

    I’m so sorry to hear the news is much worse than we could have hoped. Godspeed.

    • Daniel Plainview on 21/12/2022 - 08:44

      Much thanks, yes - food is currently one of the leading ideas - simply as it's something of a can't miss.

      Honestly for all the great ideas in here he variable just is that we and they don't know how she's going to be on any given day. As you say it's very much metastatic and has in just a few weeks gone from being relatively isolated to her brain and lungs. I personally think she's going to go a lot faster than anyone thinks, I suspect she's been crushed by this news and thats knocked the 'fight' out of her. The desire to push through pain and hurt is critical at this stage and I think without that the end is nigh.

      As boring as it is we were thinking $1000 worth of vouchers for a food delivery service e.g Uber Eats, Door Dash. The logic being - we suspect that she's the main cook in their relationship. So food prep etc is likely not being done and it'd be store bought ready and heat stuff.

      They could have a couple of 'nice meals' ordered and then just a bunch of other 'regular' ones within the budget - I know I aspired to buy them an 'experience' but I think one has to be pragmatic about such things and honestly even eating a can of beans can be incredibly memorable IF the other variables are right.

      We're regional so never use such food services - is there one or another that is regarded as the 'better' option?

      • CaptainSizzle on 21/12/2022 - 10:16
        +5

        Uber Eats is an excellent, practical, idea.

        Hard to read this as I have metastatic kidney cancer that has spread to lymph nodes, lungs and spine, BUT my treatment has it held at bay and I have zero side effects. I feel totally normal, but I know that one day soon that will change… It's very weird!

        • Daniel Plainview on 21/12/2022 - 10:53

          Sorry to hear that, i sincerely hope you're able to keep at bay for well beyond the best estimates & have many happy days. Appreciate the feedback and advice. :-)

      • maximum on 21/12/2022 - 22:21
        +2

        I bought uber Eats gift cards for my cousin when he started chemo. Even though he might not have wanted to eat it meant his wife or kids could get something when they were too exhausted from being at the hospital. I live 2 hours away so a casserole wasn't practical. I also ordered nice pampering lotions, little treats etc to show up every couple of days (with amazon prime free delivery). Just so he knew I was thinking about them.

    • Jaspa7 on 21/12/2022 - 22:29
      +1

      So sorry to hear.. I lost my sister to leukemia also and I was the same.. wanted to spend every cent I had on her, but it all happened too fast & was over in 3 weeks and in the end, it doesn't change anything - just cherish every moment you have with her and I'd say the money is better spent on those most dearest to her that she's leaving behind, I presume the partner.

  • Nikovegna on 21/12/2022 - 09:39
    +1

    Instead of a one off experience, have you thought of a really nice home cooked meal delivered once a week? That is if you’re a good cook and they like your food.

    Going through this is difficult and to take the decision process out of the equation and offer a something that you know they will enjoy week in week out would make it easier to enjoy these final months.

    All the best

    • Daniel Plainview on 21/12/2022 - 10:54

      Thanks for idea - alas we're around 700km away from her. But good idea. :-)

  • Grunntt on 21/12/2022 - 12:00
    +10

    A friend of mine arranged for a fully catered BBQ for every Sunday for their brother who was in a similar situation.

    It was perfect for them as the house was fairly small, but the yard had plenty of space.

    They had an open invite to all of the immediate family and close friends for every Sunday.

    His brother made a speech at the start of the first BBQ and thanked everyone for coming to his wake.

    The end actually came not too long after and it was the thing his brother talked about so much - spending time with everyone important to him in a relaxed setting.

    It also helped everyone mentally adjust to the situation as they hadn't had a lot of warning just like your friend.

    • danyool on 22/12/2022 - 01:09

      That's a great idea

  • Hen on 21/12/2022 - 12:42
    +1

    Very sorry about your friend. Strength to you all.

    Top restaurant food delivery via Providoor?
    https://www.providoor.com.au/nsw/sydney/food-delivery

    • Daniel Plainview on 21/12/2022 - 13:45

      Thank you - will look into that one too :-)

  • screensaver on 21/12/2022 - 14:31
    +2

    something she might love is a seaside hotel room with a balcony overlooking the sea eg manly pacific with room service

  • OzPandaGirl on 21/12/2022 - 15:08
    +7

    Oh jeeze, Nikko, Im gutted to read this update. I've kept your wife's friend in my thoughts since you first shared her story.

    I imagine they will have wedding photos but what about some other informal photos or have some taken at whatever experience is organised.

    An afternoon sharing memories with her and have it recorded, why wait till she is dead to share stories about her? Do it now, with her. Have each person write down their memory so it can be placed in a book and have them also read/share it. These will be a beautiful gift while she is alive and afterwards, for her partner and family. - I just read that you are 700km away. This could be a zoom, this is your life kind of thing. She sounds very low key and may not enjoy this.

    Plan a picnic for them at home. Do the whole blanket, wicker basket, gourmet treats.

    I just googled the Taronga Zoo animal experiences. Most have requirements that may not be realistic eg climb over small fence, walking, steps, hills etc. This elephant one looks okay though. Cost is $100 - 120/pp and lasts about 20 minutes for a group of 4 people. It says no photos so I would ring the zoo and ask if they have a photographer in case its only outside photos not allowed. Even without photos it sounds like a magical experience.

    https://taronga.org.au/sydney-zoo/animal-encounters/elephant

    Im so sad to hear about how fast it is progressing. I am one of the lucky ones in that I had early breast cancer picked up at my one and only mammogram as I chose a bilateral mastectomy without reconstruction. I had mentioned my brother, David, in your original post. He died last year of oesophageal cancer. The oncologist said he had months to live but the reality was that he died 5 weeks from diagnosis.

    The palliative treatment she is on also will affect what she can and cant do.

    I liked the idea of a heap of ubereats or similar giftcards to give them a break from needing to cook. That and grocery giftcards, eg coles or woolies.

    I hate that others have to go through what my family went through with my brother. Cancer sucks.

    With kindness

    Mel

    • Daniel Plainview on 21/12/2022 - 15:24
      +5

      @melSurveys
      Much thanks for your very kind words - I passed on your entire comms to her last week. So your words were definitely used as I promised - though alas it's sadly beyond a lot of the stuff in there e.g chemo treatment coping tips - but I am sure it made a BIG difference to know a total stranger cared as much as you did.

      Yes, we honestly felt in a deep hole after we heard her news last week. The poor lady has already lost her mother and sister to cancer and now it's got her as well. The Father and surviving sister are apparently a complete mess.

      She was already floored by the initial news of stage 4 cancer, that she got in late NOV - told 6 mths to live - maybe longer with surgery and treatment. So she did that immediately - radical hysterectomy & other pieces removed. She went through a lot of pain - gutted it out to start chemo and then apparently terrible reactions, seizures. They found out in her brain - so she is going palliative to make most of what scant time left.

      Thank you for the suggestion of the animal encounters - I already looked over those 2 days ago - so great minds think alike - as I'm very much a wildlife person and to me thats the type of thing that can go beyond $$$ and normality - but to be honest I am unsure if she's an animal person but will try and sus out.

      Yes, I'm leading towards food stuff - as I think it's a can't miss. One of the ones suggested above is actually perhaps my fave at present: https://www.providoor.com.au/nsw/sydney/food-delivery

      We live regional - never used Uber Eats, Menulog etc - but underwhelmed by the mediocrity of the offerings - though costs that site offers fine dining with just some basic work by the recipient - so will talk over with my wife and see what she wants to do.

      You really are very smart - as you think of stuff I've already done - we spent hours over the weekend putting together a large photo book for her - of photos of my wife and her from past near 30yrs. We also dropped off a selection of handmade products (that we did ourselves) when we traveled to see her but couldn't due to COVID restrictions). We try and think about if we were in that position what might resonate with us….and as imperfect as that is seems a decent shot.

      As always terrific ideas from you - thank you for sharing them with me (and everyone else) - hope you stay well as this crappy world needs more good people like in it. :-)

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