Unsupportive bosses - How to deal with them?

salekhard on 23/08/2022 - 01:05
Last edited 23/08/2022 - 01:41

How to deal with an unsupportive boss?

  1. I've worked in this new role for about 1 year (with almost a decade of tenure at the company with great performance reviews - but I work a lot and sometimes care too much)
  2. Due to covid, I interviewed for the new job remotely, and am a "people" person so I flew up to meet him in person on my own dime (company makes billions of profit a year but for some strange reason he hasn't yet flown to our office despite rules allowing it for the last 6months+)
  3. He has not made the effort yet to come to the main office - or work through things together in person. Im always left to figure things out by myself. There are zero procedures for anything.
  4. He is super smart but not a caring or compassionate or people person from what I see (he seems to manage up a lot). I struggle with this and I don't think he knows of how he comes across
  5. I don't really feel like I have his support / that he cares - this impacts my work decisions so I play it safe.

At the end of the day I need to make this work. Any tips? Just not care about his soft skills and just back myself?

Education & Work

Comments

  • easylife on 23/08/2022 - 01:33
    +11

    I am confused

    • salekhard on 23/08/2022 - 01:42

      Ah sorry - added in a few edits. Hopefully a bit better. Basically, my boss is not supportive at all. There are no procedures in this job and im left to my own devices. I feel he just doesn't give a crap about anyone but himself. How does one deal with that - or do they just bite the bullet and fake it until you make it.

      • sharka on 23/08/2022 - 06:58
        +2

        What kind of job is it?

        • Leo Getz on 23/08/2022 - 23:45
          +1

          Barista?

  • [Deactivated] on 23/08/2022 - 02:40
    +4

    but I work a lot and sometimes care too much)

    don't. it's a job, they are fickle and caring is a waste of your energy. do your job, do it well, but remember that it's only a job, don't go above and beyond unless you are receiving compensation that goes above and beyond.

    He has not made the effort yet to come to the main office - or work through things together in person. Im always left to figure things out by myself. There are zero procedures for anything.

    if he hasn't told you how to do something, try to figure it out, if you can't, ask. he can't complain you're doing things wrong if he has never told you how to do it right. perhaps have a discussion with him about this, he might not realise you're struggling, though be careful, don't make yourself seem incompetent.

    He is super smart but not a caring or compassionate or people person from what I see (he seems to manage up a lot). I struggle with this and I don't think he knows of how he comes across

    i think you're just going to have to learn how to cope with it, not everyone is a people person, some people are more closed off and appear cold, that's just how they are.

    I don't really feel like I have his support / that he cares - this impacts my work decisions so I play it safe.

    what's wrong with playing it safe? if he isn't complaining, just continue with it.

  • morse on 23/08/2022 - 04:26
    +9

    It’s actually not clear from the post what the problem is. What support is it that you need that you are not getting. Training? Clear goals? Feedback? Mentoring?
    Opportunity to have your ideas heard?

    or is there a specific behaviour you don’t want to see? What does this ‘managing up’ actually entail? Do his bosses se it as a problem?

    What specific things or behaviours would you like to see happen differently?

    You probably need to figure out what it is you want first. If you were to approach this with him I think you need specific tangible requests.

    At the moment it just sounds like you don’t like him - you don’t have to like everyone and everyone doesn’t have to like you. The main thing is that you’re both effective in your jobs.

  • horseshoe on 23/08/2022 - 04:33
    +17

    Honestly if you are the kind of person who needs social connection that much, this is not going to work out for you long term.

    There are zero procedures for anything.

    If you already know how to do the job, this is a dream situation for a lot of people. Having a micromanager for a boss is a lot worse.

  • garetz on 23/08/2022 - 04:40
    +11

    Where in his job description does it say he needs to be supportive of you ? You sound like a child trying to get the approval of a parent.

    Stop spending your own money on something the company should be paying for, then do your job and accept he is your boss not your parent.

    As an adult you should realise you wont get along with everyone you meet. Your expectations are wildly beyond your bosses purview or responsibility to an employee.

  • Danstar on 23/08/2022 - 05:46
    +4

    /Quit

    • Krankite on 23/08/2022 - 06:16
      +1

      AKA Fire your boss and find a new one.

  • tallkid123 on 23/08/2022 - 06:44
    +7

    Due to covid, I interviewed for the new job remotely, and am a "people" person so I flew up to meet him in person on my own dime (company makes billions of profit a year but for some strange reason he hasn't yet flown to our office despite rules allowing it for the last 6months+)

    Why would you do this? That's dumb.

    He has not made the effort yet to come to the main office - or work through things together in person. Im always left to figure things out by myself. There are zero procedures for anything.

    I'm in a similar situation at my new job where I haven't met my manager in person yet. It also doesn't help that he decided to take extended leave about a month after I started. Whereas you have zero procedures, my predecessor dumped on me a new job process that doesn't work and one which I'll have to revise before my manager returns.

    He is super smart but not a caring or compassionate or people person from what I see (he seems to manage up a lot). I struggle with this and I don't think he knows of how he comes across.

    My new manager is borderline autistic. At the end of the day, you want a boss who will leave you alone and let you do your thing.

    I don't really feel like I have his support / that he cares - this impacts my work decisions so I play it safe.

    You sound like the type of employee who chews up all of their manager's time for irrelevant things.

  • brendanm on 23/08/2022 - 06:45
    +7

    This sounds great, you sound needy.

  • MS Paint on 23/08/2022 - 06:51
    +5

    Sounds like a dream job to me.

    No helicopter manager and complete autonomy.

    flew up to meet him in person on my own dime

    How odd? Obviously the company saw no benefit in this catch up so didn't offer reimbursement.

  • pasey25 on 23/08/2022 - 06:59
    +1

    I know exactly how you’re feeling. I was in the same boat and it didn’t end well for me.

    Start looking now. You’re boss sounds like the kind of person who will drop you like a hot stone if something goes bad and they can distance themselves from you to save themselves

  • slow on 23/08/2022 - 07:02
    +4

    That sounds ideal to me, left alone to do your own thing without being mucrobmanaged

    • MS Paint on 23/08/2022 - 07:06
      +8

      mucrobmanaged

      This is a new buzz word I am unfamiliar with.

      • tallkid123 on 23/08/2022 - 09:53
        +3

        It's a portmanteau of mukbang and managed.

        Basically, someone is micromanaging you to eat large amounts of food online to an audience.

        • slow on 23/08/2022 - 11:19

          Not what I had in mind but I'll take it!

  • AustriaBargain on 23/08/2022 - 07:06

    Does he pay you well? That's all the support you should need. He's not second guessing you if he's giving you work he believes your can do. You could stop doing work stuff in your own time. And maybe you should look into what's required to be a department manager. If things feel unorganised, maybe you could organise them for your boss. Your boss then gets promoted after taking the credit, and you can take his job and find out if the grass really was greener.

  • Porker on 23/08/2022 - 07:36

    Are you asking for assistance/guidance and not receiving it which is resulting in your feeling of not being supported?

    Are you assuming/expecting support where none is needed?

    Have you expressed your need for validation/feedback/support?

    Wouldn't it be easir to simply talk yo your boss rather than get feedback from others that don't have the full understanding of yiur situation?

  • bloom on 23/08/2022 - 07:52
    +2

    Need a hug? Check your HR policy

  • mskeggs on 23/08/2022 - 07:54
    +2

    A lot of old fashioned (maybe new fashioned too) advice that a job is a job here.
    Assuming you are at a point in your career where you wish to rapidly advance, this situation isn't great for you.
    So maybe start thinking about leaving, and being open to better opportunities.
    If you can't leave in the reasonable future, I suggest an ongoing campaign to make your manager look good. Work to resolve the issues you have in a way that improves the business, and do these things you are hoping your manager will do for you, for them and others in your shoes.
    It is a fair bit of work, but will fix some of your issues, if handled well it will please your boss, will give you skills for the next step in your own career, and leave you the obvious successor if your boss leaves or is promoted.

    This strategy is hard if your ego can't take someone else getting some of the credit for your work, but if you can do it, it is good experience and a way forward.

  • El cheepo on 23/08/2022 - 08:01
    +2

    He is super smart but not a caring or compassionate or people person from what I see (he seems to manage up a lot). I struggle with this and I don't think he knows of how he comes across

    These are generally the best people for getting results, they work logically and methodically to get the job done well and don’t get swayed by emotion etc.

    Save the care and compassion for home, work is work.
    While it would be nice to have a caring boss etc, don’t think for a minute any love from a secular source wouldn’t drop you like a hot potato if it became inconvenient or inefficient to keep you on for any reason.

  • AndyC1 on 23/08/2022 - 08:19

    Been in the same position and you have a few options, but you need to remember that the boss is only looking after number one and it's not you or anyone else.

    The first thing is to figure out if he is trying to build the team in the boss's city. If the boss is then you need to start only working your 35/37 or 38 hours and let the crap flow up hill. Your reviews will suffer, but you will have more time for the family and hopefully be made redundant with a big payout.

    Another thing to check if the boss is a new hire with a contracting background where they were brought in to change culture and slash head counts. If this is the case then only do what your contract / employment conditions require.

    If you need new skills then speak with HR about training options and then ask the boss about doing some of them.

    If the boss is just an idiot then you need to either wait for them to move/get sacked or you need to move jobs.

    So in summary look after yourself and the family by cutting back on work hours.

  • Drakesy on 23/08/2022 - 08:41
    +5

    Your boss doesn't have to be there emotionally. Yes it's nice but not required for the role generally.
    I'd rather not be micromanaged and have a distant boss than one that wants to be there for me every day.

  • bobbified on 23/08/2022 - 09:01

    Depending on what level you're at (you've mentioned that you've been at the company for 10 years), coming across as needy isn't a good thing.

    I leave my guys alone the way you describe and I make it clear to them that as long as they deliver what's required, they're free to do whatever in between. Most have families and they appreciate flexibility and the fact that I don't try and micromanage them. The closest thing to micromanaging I do is when I see them online late at night and I ping them to tell them to get off and spend time with their family instead. Other than that, they know exactly where I am if they need something. We do have our chat sessions from time to time and I have a pretty good idea what each person is capable of and their strengths and weaknesses.

    Sometimes I do come across people that I have to constantly give reassurances to and it can get quite frustrating when they constantly call and ask for approval for the smallest tasks. It doesn't give me much confidence in their ability to think for themselves. Again, it depends on what level the staff are on. It's very understandable at the more junior levels and I will spend more time with them, but at the more senior levels… well, I've sacked/moved a few people for that very reason.

    Everyone has different preferences, so if you're not a fan of autonomy, then it might be time to change jobs.

  • SF3 on 23/08/2022 - 09:07
    +1

    He is super smart but not a caring or compassionate or people person

    Higher IQ != High EQ.

    he seems to manage up a lot

    Very likely a Taker mindset (i.e. what can I get from this), not a giver (i.e. how can I help you/us).

  • seanfoite on 23/08/2022 - 10:30

    Does your employer have a mentoring program? I think you would probably benefit from having a mentor in another department to give you some of that guidance that your looking for.

  • hasher22 on 23/08/2022 - 11:17

    Seems the OP is a high level extrovert where he/she feeds off human social interaction to increase energy.

    I'm an introvert and I dream of becoming in your position. No one wants a micromanager and be thankful he/she is not messaging you every hour on updates.

    If you don't like it, find another job where a manager is constantly in your face if that gives you energy.

    Also what kind of support are you looking for? If you're doing your job, why you need support? Do you get off feedback? Do you want support in the sense of being promoted? Extra duties?

    If you think about it, alot of people dream to be in your position where a manager let's their team work.

    Also you spent your own money to be in person during covid… Don't you think that's a little selfish on your end just for you to recharge your social battery?

    Be careful what you wish for.

  • pharkurnell on 23/08/2022 - 11:47
    +1

    How to deal with an unsupportive boss?

    Its been many a year since I've found any other type….

  • tsunamisurfer on 23/08/2022 - 12:19
    +4

    This boss doesn't sound too bad to me.

    What I expect from my boss is :

    1) Clear direction on what he wants to achieve and by when.

    2) Leave me the F%$k alone.

    3) If I find an impediment to my work and tell him about it, he will action or we agree on an alternative strategy.

    4) Leave me the F%$k alone.

    5) Bask in the glory of his team's success.

  • Ghost47 on 23/08/2022 - 12:56

    Backing yourself is probably the best way to go if you want to stay in your role and don’t want to look for a new job.

    Is the reason you need support because you’re in a new role and don’t have much experience related to what you’re doing?

    From what I’m getting you’ve been with the company a long time but you’ve basically started in a completely different department compared to where you were before. If it’s a big company I wouldn’t be surprised if what you’re doing is completely different to what you did before.

  • Tomcruise on 23/08/2022 - 14:34
    -1

    The company makes Billions in Profit and you get to speak directly with the Boss and have these questions

    If so, you'd be on millions per year and have this shit already sorted or be a bit thicker skinned by now.

  • GourmetFoodie on 24/08/2022 - 13:42

    Uh, so you have a boss that doesn’t micro manage you and lets you get your job done without judgement or bullying or crazy unrealistic pressure? I’d say you are very very lucky!

    Sounds like your boss trusts you to do what you do. I’d take that as a compliment. If you need “permission” not to play it safe then just drop him an email and ask specifically what you need!

  • El-Rhi on 24/08/2022 - 16:50

    Im always left to figure things out by myself

    Sounds great to me. Being able to figure things out by yourself is a key skill that many bosses highly value and you learn a lot doing it that way, rather than being told what do to

  • Euphemistic on 29/08/2022 - 11:16
    +1

    If you don’t like it, you need to leave. There isn’t much you can do to change a manager.

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