Should My Mom Stay in an Apartment with Me for 2-3+ Months?

Ljackking on 09/07/2022 - 03:25
Last edited 12/07/2022 - 14:25 by 2 other users

First post, would appreciate help with a family situation:

Quick Context - I am 26 M living in an Apartment in CBD. My Mom in another state wants to move to CBD to be closer to me and for better job opportunities. She was offered a job in CBD which starts in a few weeks. Before she can commit to CBD, she wants to try out living with me in my apartment for 2-3 months to see if she likes her new job and the new city. I instead suggested she should try AirBnb or Hotel, for which I am more than happy to pay for however long she needs. She was quite offended by the idea and said I should not waste the money.

I feel like a 45sqm apartment is too small for both of us, considering one of us will have to sleep on the sofa bed (probably me lol). I also have a GF who sleeps over 90% of the time at my place (she lives far from CBD and I have no WFH). My mom does not know about her as it is too soon and I come from traditional background so not sure what she would think about me sleeping over at her place. I have a relatively high-stress finance job where I come back from work avg 11 pm-2am and the last thing I need is unnecessary stress and ruin relationship with my mom. I value my independence and I have also not lived with my parents since the age of 18. Am I being unreasonable and a dick of a son? Am I selfish to think this has become a bit of a nightmare for my personal freedom?

Poll - Do you all think this is a good idea/ reasonable? Should My Mom Stay in an apartment with Me for 2-3+ Months?

Home & Garden

closed Comments

  • Grunntt on 10/07/2022 - 23:52
    +10

    I'm assuming many people commenting here have never lived in a studio apartment.
    If they had I very much doubt they would be so adamant about taking in a lodger for months on end.

    Having a girlfriend over is fine in such a cosy space, but living for an extended period with anyone who is not an intimate partner very rapidly gets more than uncomfortable.

    • tonka on 11/07/2022 - 09:10
      -1

      Yeah but the OP has other options, can just try it out for a few weeks, suggest a shorter trial period, use the airbnb money and take some weekend trips with the girlfriend. If he is really working the late hours he describes I can't see any problem at all. I've actually done it, had my mum living with me for 5 years when I was getting home very late from work, all I was doing at home was 4 hours sleep and a shower. Was kinda nice knowing there was someone at home making use of the place. Maybe the girlfriend would like him at her place on a weekend but he is one of the dudes that makes her come to him. Wonder if she's thinking of uprooting her whole life to be closer to a 'dick' son who she never sees.

      • cookie2 on 11/07/2022 - 21:19

        Wow. Chip on the shoulder much?

    • niknah on 11/07/2022 - 23:27

      My first thought is the smell. Lots of people in one small place. Open the windows and shower twice a day. Spend as much time outside as possible, good time to be a workaholic.

  • Dontdoit on 11/07/2022 - 00:37

    OP. If you don't want to offend your mum,
    Could you buy an apartment with at least one bedroom and rent out or sell your current property? Ask your mum to help with the deposit if needed.

    By the looks of it you make a fair bit of money and should have no issue getting a loan.

    PS. No idea how much apartments cost in Sydney and I understand rates going up… In the end only OP knows his finances.

    • jackking on 11/07/2022 - 14:26
      +1

      Thanks, something to consider. Not sure if I have enough time before she moves. Also buying a new place when the rate increase is ongoing is a bit dicey, ideally want the rate to stabilise IMO. Studios in or around CBD are ~600k and one bedder is like ~750k, so a bit of a diff. Also, strata in CBD are pretty high on avg

  • [Deactivated] on 11/07/2022 - 02:18
    +1

    My mom does not know about her as it is too soon and I come from traditional background so not sure what she would think about me sleeping over at her place.

    Tell your mother the local bikie gang forces you to sublease your flat for heroin distribution during the day, and as an illegal brothel at night where trafficked women "pay off" their Australian citizenship debt by fulfilling the fantasies of high-profile politicians and CEOs… then say you really have to use the toilet, disappear for 15 minutes, then come back, sit down, hold mummies hand and say, "I was kidding mum… Aren't you glad I just have a girlfriend."

  • voiletmay on 11/07/2022 - 05:29
    +1

    I am a mother of twenty something kids and I would find my own accomodation and not expect to stay that long with them (or with anyone really). I like my own space/privacy and respect others need for the same.

    • htc on 11/07/2022 - 09:43
      +5

      Was it just me that I read it as you had more than 20 kids?

      • voiletmay on 11/07/2022 - 10:18

        LOL, nah 3, but all in their twenties.

        • htc on 11/07/2022 - 11:03

          Sound like you can triple the saving when you find bargains on this site.

      • Quantumcat on 11/07/2022 - 14:15

        Me too, I read it thinking, she had so many she doesn't even remember the exact number she had? Lol

  • J6 on 11/07/2022 - 06:11
    +1

    1. You have to be honest with your mum about your gf. If your mum comes and doesn't like.your gf, it will put a real strain on your relationship. 3 people in a studio apartment is a lot.

    2. It might be good to establish how long exactly your mum is staying for. If she likes it, she may never leave and evicting your mum would be impossible.

  • IMadeYouReadThis on 11/07/2022 - 08:03

    So you stayed with your mum from birth to 18 and now need OzB to tell you whether its ok for her to stay with you for 3 months? Jeese, I hope my kids don't turn up like you!

    Imagine of you get serious sick and needs someone to care for you for a while and your mum offers to stay with your while you get up and running again. Will you ask OzB again?

    • morse on 11/07/2022 - 10:01
      +3

      Imagine of you get serious sick and needs someone to care for you for a while and your mum offers to stay with your while you get up and running again. Will you ask OzB again?

      To be fair though, that’s not the situation. OPs mum isn’t sick. She’s wanting to try living in a new city. 2-3 months seems like a long time to decide if she wants to stay whilst living in a studio with OP. 2-3 weeks seems more appropriate. Even then I would struggle not having privacy in such a small space.

    • Save Medicare on 11/07/2022 - 11:58
      +2

      I'd hate to be your kid. Guy's in a high paying finance job and offering to pay for alternative accommodation

    • J6 on 11/07/2022 - 12:16
      +2

      He isn't sick and neither is his mum.

    • jackking on 11/07/2022 - 14:11
      +1

      mate no one is sick, but point taken

  • htc on 11/07/2022 - 08:19
    +1

    I remembered yesterday op wanted to close this topic thinking his relatives may use ozbargain.

  • jason101 on 11/07/2022 - 09:34
    +4

    If you and your girlfriend are both there 90% of nights, and you are getting home late cooking and showering and doing washing at 1am, do you really think mum will want to be there? I think this problem will solve itself by day 3.

  • zonra on 11/07/2022 - 10:09
    +7

    A lot of people seems to take the judgmental stance pretty quickly and blow this out of proportion.
    It’s not like OP is turning away his homeless mum. OP’s simply reluctant to share a small space for extended amount of time when alternative arrangements (his offering to pay for Air BNB) are readily available.
    Would any adult child want to share a room with their parents when there’s no need for it? Especially if you have your intimate partner coming over on the daily?

  • juicy j on 11/07/2022 - 10:14
    -3

    Wow! As a Mum myself, I’m like 🙄
    🫣😂 I’d be offended as well.. Mumma just needs a little bit of assistance and understanding, she raised you and did everything for u. 🫣 I also understand the “don’t waste your money on an Airbnb” Mums are like that.

    But I also understand your reasons, even tho imo, it is a litttle bit selfish 😂 Just talk to her. Good communication is key. I don’t know how your Mum is but I’m an easy going Mum.. so I’m assuming she is too.

    Hope it works out well 😉

    • cookie2 on 11/07/2022 - 21:26
      +2

      Well lets all assume that all mums are the same and not just individual people that are all different. And that every relationship is the same etc etc. I think it'd be selfish to guilt someone into something because of the fact that you feel entitled due to doing "everything for them". OP offered both assistance and understanding, even if you can't see it.

  • grr1701 on 11/07/2022 - 10:18
    +2

    Australia = Mum not Mom. Let’s resist turning into Americans as long as possible.

    • htc on 11/07/2022 - 11:05

      Is it also pronounced as mom in America or same pronounciation as mum but different spelling?

      • Dreamcast on 11/07/2022 - 11:14

        Have you never heard an American say mom??? Pronounced as mom in America.

        • htc on 11/07/2022 - 12:08

          Couldn't remembered last time I heard mom in action movies, mostly remembered people trying to evacuate in critical situation, saying move, making the O sound, Australia says moove,. Ooh sound

          • Hangryuman on 11/07/2022 - 13:53
            +1

            @htc: Oz 'mum' sounds like muhm with 'uh' or 'ar' sound
            US 'mom' sounds like 'mohm' or 'morm' to 'mawm' with 'oh' or 'aw' sound

      • Miss B on 11/07/2022 - 12:52
        +2

        Yeah, my housemate's Mom is Canadian and it's pronounced differently. People are getting so worked up about OP calling her Mom, but it's most likely because they are from a country where they use American English. Seriously weird thing to get hung up about. Imagine if I berated my friend for calling her grandfather 'Bapou' and telling her she has to call him 'Grandpa' instead. Ridiculous. People like that should be more concerned with how involved they're trying to be in other people's lives.

    • jackking on 11/07/2022 - 14:16
      +2

      sorry mate, studied overseas

    • 2025 on 11/07/2022 - 14:30

      Heaven forbid they take away our gaols and replace them with jails

  • tetra on 11/07/2022 - 10:57
    +5

    Man, a lot of people here don't seem to see their children as individuals.

    Keep playing the emotional guilt card, I'm sure it'll result in a healthy relationship with no resentment.

  • Save Medicare on 11/07/2022 - 11:59
    +2

    That's a strong no from me dawg

  • kabammi on 11/07/2022 - 12:31
    +1

    Suck it up, it's your mum ffs.

  • aunetie on 11/07/2022 - 13:07

    You only have one mum, 2-3 month not an issue. Mum will see the situation and find an accomdation whenever possible

    • Hangryuman on 11/07/2022 - 13:50

      'You only have one mum, 2-3 month not an issue. Mum will see the situation and find an accomdation whenever possible'

      looks like mum's found you on OzB ! (hmm - I wouldn't believe that comment …)

  • portard on 11/07/2022 - 13:52
    +1

    Everyone is going to give you mixed opinions, these kind of things boil down to your culture and your own personal relationship with your mother.

  • WillKillfor5Cents on 11/07/2022 - 14:00

    It's a yes and probably time to come clean about the GFs. Plus, if you are from an Asian background, yes the pressure might be there, but count yourself lucky that you are a guy. The pressure to get married is definitely more on the girl's side, especially when they are on that sub-30s bracket.

    So I say just suck it up, but be firm anything longer won't do. Beside, might score yourself free meals and free cleaning services? Maybe not when your gf came over… it'd be awkward for her to clean your rubbish bin, if you know what I mean xD… Unless you fancy yourself some McDonald New Creme Pie.

  • kalithreaver on 11/07/2022 - 14:51

    i would just lay down the ground rules. you work late, the house is small so she would have to have the couch and tell her about your GF. if she cant handle it then tough, she can stay elsewhere. its your place and you are an adult now.

    the other option is if you can stay with your GF more.

  • Apue on 11/07/2022 - 14:58

    Simple. Imagine when you became your mother’age and you asked your kid if you can stay with them for 2 months.
    Would you be offended if your kid says NO?
    Most Asian cultures understand grown kids could stay with their parents and they also feel like look after in case the parents need some help.

    • Grish on 11/07/2022 - 15:47
      +4

      I wouldn't ask my kid this, especially if they live in a bloody studio apartment!

      Perhaps if they have a large home where you wouldn't be living on top of one another. But even then it would need to be urgent and all other options explored first.

  • drfuzzy on 11/07/2022 - 16:09

    Are you of Asian background?

  • slipperypete on 11/07/2022 - 16:23
    +1

    Mum, I'm Jackking

    • eug on 11/07/2022 - 16:23
      +2

      Don't worry, she knows.

  • dvsbastard on 11/07/2022 - 18:27
    +3

    It these comments have taught me anything it's that my mum and I have an unusually great relationship.

    • tonka on 11/07/2022 - 18:45

      Na, it's just that the people with healthy relationships don't need to loiter in forums as much for company.

  • Gelato on 11/07/2022 - 22:36

    Does your mum know about your long work hour situation? If yes, she may want to stay with you because it is already hard for her to get to spend time with you.

    As others suggested, be upfront about your relationship status and see how your mum takes it. I reckon if you dont disclose that and your mum end up staying with you, 3 months may turn out even longer.

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