Friends Cancelling Expensive Dinner Date at Last Minute

Jules_d1 on 01/07/2022 - 16:44
Last edited 02/07/2022 - 12:42 by 2 other users

Ethical dilemma- As a thank you for something someone did for us, we’re taking people out to dinner at a VERY fancy place in town. You need to book weeks in advance.

On the day of the dinner, they message and say they will be 30mins late and asked if we could check if we could push the booking back. Even though it was highly unlikely, we asked and it wasn’t possible.

After informing them, they can’t make it and are happy to reschedule. They have not given a reason why.

Problem is the cancellation policy for this place is $75 per head for cancellations less than 12hrs before seating. As mentioned, very high end.

How would you handle this with the friends?

Food & Grocery

Comments

  • onetwothreefour on 01/07/2022 - 16:50
    +4

    Take me instead!

  • pharkurnell on 01/07/2022 - 16:51

    Bend over and think of my happy place.

    or invite 2 other friends

    But then again I laugh at anywhere that charges that much for food, let alone cancellation LMAO!

    Can imagine $30 glasses of water

  • plmko on 01/07/2022 - 16:54
    +15

    This is an excellent outcome. You've saved hundreds of dollars by not going and got away with paying $75 per head. But idea that you wanted to thank them is still there and they know it.

    • loropy9 on 01/07/2022 - 20:42

      Played like a pro.

  • Crow K on 01/07/2022 - 16:55
    +17

    I'd do shenanigans rather than vaporise $300 e.g.:

    Call friends back and lie "Oh, they allowed us to move it back 30 mins, see you there at {time+30 mins}"

    Show up at {time}, go to your table, explain friends are stuck in traffic but nearly there.

    When friends show up at {time+30mins} and msg you asking where you are say "Oh, we're inside, we just got here as well"

    • spackbace on 01/07/2022 - 17:06

      Show up at {time}, go to your table, explain friends are stuck in traffic but nearly there.

      100% I'd be doing this, and just sitting at the table with a drink while waiting for them. It's only 30mins, not a big deal

      • pharkurnell on 01/07/2022 - 17:16

        Tables are probably time limited at this awesome cheap exclusive place.. so that probably wont work.

        • spackbace on 01/07/2022 - 17:19
          +3

          Most time limits are 90-120mins. Friends could always go without an entree

      • Nillionaire on 01/07/2022 - 18:27
        -1

        It's only 30mins, not a big deal

        If you're cool vacating your seat before you're done eating, sure.

        • spackbace on 01/07/2022 - 18:31

          It's called communication. You tell the friends that you weren't able to change the time, but you'll just get started on entrees if they're cool with that

          This is all on the assumption that the restaurant has time limitations, which no one knows besides OP.

          • Nillionaire on 01/07/2022 - 18:33

            @spackbace: I assumed you were agreeing with Crow wholly who was saying to lie to them

  • Donaldhump on 01/07/2022 - 16:55
    +7

    if you were paying anyway
    i'd go and have dinner, pay their cancellation fee, and tell them that is their dinner gone
    ask them when they are taking you out for dinner

  • El cheepo on 01/07/2022 - 17:05
    +4

    Theres so many different degrees of friendship so different friends = different ways of handling the situation.

    Eg: if it were my close friends would probably just cop it on the chin and reschedule at my cost.

    Not so close- that would be my repayment for them.

  • iNeed2Pee on 01/07/2022 - 17:06
    +1

    Is this Hemingways Wineroom in East Melbourne?

    I will bet yes.

  • screensaver on 01/07/2022 - 17:07
    +1

    say We wont be going back there, they chatged xxx cancellation fee
    as for the restauant, order a meal to takeaway for the equivalent value, say your friend had a fender bender on the wau in

  • Seraphin7 on 01/07/2022 - 17:08
    +5

    Just tell them it can't be "rescheduled" due to the booking/cancellation fee, but understand they can't make it on this occasion.

    Go and have your dinner and swallow the cancellation fee/see if the restaurant is at all willing to budge (maybe they'll given you some sort gift card for another time/knock it off your drinks bill?).

    End of story.

    Epilogue … no need to re-book for another time, they were provided with an invitation that they accepted and then cancelled … that's on them, not on you.

    • cookie2 on 01/07/2022 - 22:13

      100%

  • jaejae69 on 01/07/2022 - 17:08
    +2

    I would’ve just gone and ate, pay the cancellation fee for the numbers that didn’t turn up if the restaurant requests it. Then pretend like nothing ever happened and never bring up the issue again with your “friends”.

    If they still want to eat there they can proactively make the booking and invite you next time. At which time you will have some BS excuse not to go, thus sparing yourself the difficult position of explaining why you don’t want to pay for them anymore.

  • jjjaar on 01/07/2022 - 17:32
    +3

    I would have made it very clear to them what the cancellation requirements were before booking.

    Some restaurants also don’t mind if fewer people arrive as long as someone does, so you may even not have to pay the cancellation fee.

    If they still wanna charge it, just promise you’ll buy $150 worth of wine instead haha

  • bobbified on 01/07/2022 - 17:33
    +1

    Did you tell them in advance that you booked a nice place that has a cancellation fee? If you did tell them (and you're not that close), then it's on them and consider the favour repaid! haha

    If you are close, then there'll be another time to go somewhere. It doens't have to be that fancy next time. If they're demanding/hinting they want a nice dinner, then they can't be that close!

  • verisimilitude on 01/07/2022 - 17:58
    +3

    They might not be aware that there was a cancellation fee. In a conversation just mention what happened and see if they pony up the cancellation fee.

    If they do, invite them again to somewhere less fancy for the thank you instead. Preferably somewhere with no cancellation fee, since they have proven to be untimely with appointments.

    If they don't, then that's it, you've already thanked them.

  • outlander on 01/07/2022 - 18:36
    +3

    You did this as a thank-you, yes? To show your appreciation for something they did for you?

    If it was me I would accept the cost and say nothing. I would lie and say it turned out fine and that I took my parents or something, because I would assume good friends like that wouldn't cancel without a good reason and the last thing I would want to do is leave them feeling guilty after they helped me.

    While it really, really sucks to have your gesture knocked back… that's just how it goes sometimes.

  • garetz on 01/07/2022 - 18:44

    They aren't your friend.

  • JimmyF on 01/07/2022 - 18:47
    +1

    Pretty low act to ask to push it out and then cancel like that!

    Pay the $75/head cancellation fee, and too bad, they missed out on their dinner if they ever ask. Tell them it was a lovely evening that they missed.

  • SmiTTy on 01/07/2022 - 19:09
    +1

    If u have to pay the fee, I'd reschedule the dinner at a less fancy place (somewhere, approximately $75 cheaper per head).

  • Halo375 on 01/07/2022 - 19:21
    +5

    When they ask how the dinner was then tell them “Oh it was fantastic but would you believe it? They charged us $150 because you didn’t show up! Well i tell you we won’t be back there anytime soon!”

    You don’t ask for the money but you should let them know that it cost you. If they’re true friends they’ll find a way to pay you back. If not, then that’s okay too because at least you’re a good friend!

  • WreckTangle on 01/07/2022 - 19:46

    What did they do for you to deserve for dinner?

  • Eeples on 01/07/2022 - 20:11
    +2

    Did you know about the $75pp cancellation fee before you booked?

    If so, I think you should just suck it up.

    If you found out about the $75pp cancellation when you tried to push back the booking then you either inform your friends and live with an awkward situation or don’t inform them and just suck it up.

  • RockinIt on 01/07/2022 - 20:39

    What is this restaurant? Dorsia?

  • loropy9 on 01/07/2022 - 21:17

    OP, there is one crucial piece of info that can change the point of view dramatically.
    Did you want to take your friend to an expensive restaurant because you are well off and can easily afford it? Or did you have to stretch yourself to be able to afford the dinner?

  • solidussnake on 02/07/2022 - 09:03

    If you paid $300 in cancellations fees why didn't you two just go to dinner they probably would have waived the other two if you tipped.. you got dressed up and made it all way to wait outside just doesn't make sense…

  • Jules_d1 on 02/07/2022 - 09:15
    +2

    We ended up going and they were late and rush things a little. Had a great night regardless.

    Was just curious to see what peoples responses would be….quite interesting to see how different people would handle the situation.

    These people helped us with a housing deal which makes the whole dinner cost complete peanuts.

    • iNeed2Pee on 02/07/2022 - 12:23

      So was it Hemingway? 🤣

      • Jules_d1 on 02/07/2022 - 12:37
        +2

        It was not :)

        • iNeed2Pee on 02/07/2022 - 13:34

          nooooooo, i was sure I was right 😂.

          Glad you had a good dinner in the end!

  • the Unforgiven on 02/07/2022 - 14:59

    Just say, "maybe next time", and never bring it up again

  • Nutrino on 02/07/2022 - 15:39

    You needed to communicate the late/absence fee WAY before the dinner takes place.

    • Eeples on 02/07/2022 - 17:21
      +2

      According to the OP in a later post…..

      The absence never happened.

      The friends never cancelled.

      This means the ‘ethical dilemma’ never happened.

      How do I neg a forum post ?

      • verisimilitude on 02/07/2022 - 21:06

        Haha, I know, so true. Turns out everything was fine. OP was fine, OP's friends were fine, dinner was fine.

        In OP's own words:

        These people helped us with a housing deal which makes the whole dinner cost complete peanuts.

  • JIMB0 on 02/07/2022 - 20:01
    +1

    I wouldn't even pay $75 a head to eat.

  • Eeples on 02/07/2022 - 20:49

    Really strange flex.

  • Vote for Pedro on 03/07/2022 - 13:15

    Go enjoy your night out with the two of you. If restaurant insists on changing the $75 for the no shows, so be it.

    The friends did you a favour so don’t ruin it by ‘addressing it with them’

    • Eeples on 03/07/2022 - 18:06

      No, it never happened.

      The friends did show up; just a bit late.

      • Vote for Pedro on 03/07/2022 - 19:09

        I guess my advice stands regardless.

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