[Resolved] Bullied at Workplace (Seek Help/Quit?)

Black Brown Blue on 28/04/2021 - 11:06
Last edited 01/05/2021 - 12:03 by 2 other users

Hi

I am the only male employee in the workplace and I have been going through a lot of stress lately. The stress and anxiety is so much I don't even feel like going to the workplace. I have not taken a single day off this year whereas rest of workers take a sick day or two off every couple of weeks. I feel like I should quit and never look back, that will make me happy.

I have been considering talking to someone like psychologist or therapist, but it will not make any change to toxic work environment. My mental health has been severely affected and even on days off work I stress and worry about work related issues.

Update

  • I would like to thank each and every one who has posted constructive feedback and advise, really appreciate it.
  • I do not feel comfortable giving anymore details due to confidentiality
  • I am searching for a new job and will quit this job as soon I have new job offer.
  • Will also be speaking to a GP and/or counsellor.

Poll Options

  • 51
    Go to HR/management
  • 19
    Quit
  • 349
    Find a new job and quit
Education & Work

closed Comments

  • pegaxs on 28/04/2021 - 13:34
    +1

    Go to HR and find a new job and quit…

  • BewareOfThe Dog on 28/04/2021 - 13:37
    +2

    Speak to HR/Management. Let them know you are not coping, and that you want time off as a result. That ways its documented. Keep Notes on everything (Times, names), if you are not already doing so. I left a job where I was a manager, however the franchisee, was continually barking orders at me, watching my every move etc.
    I decided not to take the matter any further, and left, without having another job to goto.
    It took me quite some time to find something else suitable, which I did for 8 years until it closed.

    Ironically I'm back at the previous company, earning less money, but nowhere near as much stress. Best wishes with your decision.

  • Fergy1987 on 28/04/2021 - 13:51
    +9

    If you wake up in the morning and feel any ill feeling about going to work……you shouldn't be going to that workplace.

    Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636
    Lifeline: 13 11 14
    Mensline: 1300 78 99 78

    • bobbified on 28/04/2021 - 13:59
      +9

      If that was the criteria, I think we'd have enough people on the dole to collapse the whole system.

      • holdenmg on 28/04/2021 - 14:15

        I reckon Parliament House must have their own special unlisted numbers to call.

        I'm sure they don't get Elevator music and "Your call is important to us…"

  • ode1online on 28/04/2021 - 14:21
    +1

    You should talk to your GP, they will help you find a therapist. Plus Medicare will partly pay for the session if your doctor approves it.
    You therapist should help you with your next decision, at the very least should give you some leave for stress, at least that puts them on notice.

  • havebeerbelywillsumo on 28/04/2021 - 15:04
    +1

    4 hours since posting and not a single further post here……….is he the problem?…………..and if so then a change won't bring a change.

  • raptormesh on 28/04/2021 - 15:34
    +1

    I think this is just a rant and not really expecting any advice, since it's so bereft of details.

  • onetwothreefour on 28/04/2021 - 15:37
    +5

    Maybe he's not like us and only posts/answers questions during his lunch break?

    • capslock janitor on 29/04/2021 - 11:38

      Maybe he's just depressed and lethargic :( Give him time

  • MessyG on 28/04/2021 - 20:19
    +3

    I hope you're okay OP. I believe you and I think whether you leave or not you should still get counselling. You don't get therapy because something is wrong with YOU, you get it to feel better, and it will help you feel better.

    As for your organisation, they have a major diversity problem which rings alarm bells. Why are they only hiring women? If you want to take this further you need to find a trusted support person to sit in meetings with you, and take this to HR. I would also ring up Fair Work and get their thoughts too.

    You're in a rock and a hard place - if you quit then everyone 'proves' to themselves that 'men' aren't 'right' for the job, but if you stay you suffer (I've been the only female in a workplace and left for similar reasons). My advise though is to put your own mental health first and if that means leaving, leave. This will all come out in the wash eventually - bullies don't operate in isolation and they will get taken to task one day.

  • Taro Milk Tea on 28/04/2021 - 20:22
    +4

    We are being bullied by OP not replying anything here

  • Logical on 28/04/2021 - 20:48
    +3

    I had an employee report bullying to me 3 weeks ago, a few days later after a thorough talk with all employees the bully was shown the door. I have zero tolerance for bullying and bad behaviour in the workplace and all my employees know this from day 1.

    OP, do you have a supervisor that you get along with and can discuss things? Also, keep a log book of all events, names etc as can and will be used for evidence when you seek compensation….

    • bobbified on 29/04/2021 - 08:46
      +1

      What do you do when the employee feels bullied, but after hearing their story, you don't think they have been bullied?

      Because the definition of "bullying" can be quite subjective.

      I actually have a colleague from another team that I have to work with quite closely. She complained about being bullied in her last team (not by me!) and evenutally got moved to another. It's been less than twelve months and she's already complaining about being bullied by her new team. Now she's taken stress leave. It's quite obvious to a lot of people that the problem isn't with her team mates. Because I know of her past, I feel like I have to tiptoe around her because some basic conversation seems to offend her.

      • MessyG on 29/04/2021 - 15:09

        Bullies usually display a pattern of behaviour that isn't isolated to one person. You can move the victim along but the behaviour remains. Usually when one person reports, others will or already have done too, unbeknownst to the initial reporter. There's lots of workplace protocols around this. Sometimes people interpret feedback as bullying but the difference is that others usually haven't taken it as such.

  • megaalc on 28/04/2021 - 21:01

    I finished my popcorn reading comments, can close post now

  • [Deactivated] on 28/04/2021 - 21:18
    +1

    Find another job because you sound miserable. In the meantime, for your mental health and sanity, speak to a professional (independent of the company). Don't leave it too late to talk to someone.

  • Blue Cat on 28/04/2021 - 21:23
    +5

    I am the only male employee in the workplace

    Heard this story a million times - in practice there is nothing you can do and best is to just change jobs. I bet you are tired from doing most of the work there. If you are feeling reckless, just stop doing stuff until they fire you, so you can watch the whole workflow collapse in your eyes with pleasure.

  • ddhar on 28/04/2021 - 21:43
    +1

    Need more details

  • Miss B on 28/04/2021 - 23:07
    +7

    Don't worry about what other people are doing, I almost never take sick leave and don't stress about what others are doing. Some people use all of their sick leave and have to take unpaid leave on top of that, but that's between them and management.

    You can only do what you can do, so if you're stressing about your workload, try not to. I know it can be hard, but you're only going to get what you can done, so worrying about what you can't get done is pointless. For me it's actually counterproductive, I get less done if I stress.

    If there is bullying in the workplace that is causing stress, that's an OHS issue. Get a medical certificate for your stress, take a couple of days off. Get a referral to a psychologist. When you get back speak to management/HR, they are obligated to do something about it (it doesn't mean they will unfortunately, HR are more likely to be aware of the seriousness of the situation so may be more help). Explain why you need the time off. Explain the bullying that has been occurring. If possible document specific incidents of bullying. Note any that you can think of. Try to be objective and simply state the facts.

    If they are unwilling to assist with resolving the matter, you're better off moving on. You can still report them, particularly if there are others who are being bullied, but trying to do that while you still work there is likely to be an even more unpleasant situation. You need to take care of you first.

    If you can't afford to not have a job, make sure you find a new job before quitting, otherwise it's going to have an even greater negative impact. As someone mentioned, take a look at the Fairwork page about bullying. It describes what bullying is. They will likely want to know that you have tried to resolve the issue within the workplace first, but they can help if your workplace will not. Unfortunately, it will probably take a while for anything to happen with them though. They may be able to give advice.

    https://www.fairwork.gov.au/employee-entitlements/bullying-a…

    I hope things improve for you soon.

  • Davo1111 on 29/04/2021 - 00:07
    +1

    I feel like I should quit and never look back, that will make me happy.

    You know the answer, start looking for a new job. Now

  • HeWhoKnows on 29/04/2021 - 08:00

    Leaving this toxic environment is the only option as nothing else will change there

  • Venustrap87 on 29/04/2021 - 08:11
    -1

    U should quit your job and find else where

  • MontyMacaw on 29/04/2021 - 08:40
    +3

    I feel your pain. I have suffered similar. On a technical note Fairwork cannot take a complaint about bullying after you quit because it has stopped. Not that you may want to go that way. Nobody deserves to feel this way. My simple advice is to start at your dr. They listen and can start to get you some help. If you are bullied here it can happen again so changing jobs may not be the end of it. You need to learn what you need to know about dealing with these feelings so you can deal with them properly and leave them in the past where they belong. You deserve better. Everybody does. Good luck.

  • huggzz2u on 29/04/2021 - 08:51
    +1

    I am about 8 weeks away from meditation after being bullied at work. Similar things to you and like you I was resilient and stayed for 3 years and 2 HR complaints. My suggestion is to find a new job.

    • bobbified on 29/04/2021 - 09:08

      Are you able to share what happened?

  • Thatsgold on 29/04/2021 - 09:38
    +2

    If you decide to quit, ensure you take some good long sick leave then go…
    Famous quote from a face kid….
    Whateva, I do what I want - Cartman

  • pformag on 29/04/2021 - 09:39
    +2

    Life is too short to have this happen to you. Find another job.

  • jrvb42 on 29/04/2021 - 09:58
    +13

    Firstly, under no circumstances should you go to HR, especially in the public service. HR work for the company, not you, and will protect any offenders and the company reputation. You'll get screwed over.

    Secondly, under no circumstances should you quit your job - yet!

    My advice is to definitely FIND ANOTHER JOB FIRST. Then quit when that job is a CERTAINTY.

    When you do quit, minimum notice, don't assist the company in any way. If you have leave owing, take that, and give your notice in the middle of the leave so you don't need to go back. Check online resources to write your resignation in such a way that everyone will know what happened, without actually saying it. Finally, leave a review warning others, somewhere like Glassdoor.

    Repeat - don't go to HR, do find another job before quitting - lessons I learned the hard way.

    • gimme on 29/04/2021 - 11:18
      -5

      LOL, I'm not a fan of HR but your 'advice' is hilarious. I guess that's the internet where someone's specific experience becomes an UPPERCASE RULE which apparently applies to every situation/context. Sadly noone ever says, "This has been my experience under these circumstances…now make an informed judgement as to how it may apply in your situation"

    • MementoMori on 29/04/2021 - 13:58
      +1

      1,000% listen to jrvb42.

      Very wise words and solid advice.

      The few times I have seen people go to HR to complain this exact scenario happened.

      Source - 25+ years in the corporate world.

    • this is us on 29/04/2021 - 14:16
      +4

      jrvb42 has provided the best piece of advice I've seen on Ozbargain…

      Unfortunately, that's exactly what happens, particularly in the public sector. If you complain, it's like you are creating a problem that was not there because everyone else has been coping with the same problem for years without complaining. The company, or HR, don't want to deal with long standing problems, bullying, harassment… You complain, you force them to do something about it. They will do, they might investigate, send emails with "we don't tolerate bullying and bla bla bla", they might even spend a lot of money to hire an independent company to investigate the matter so they preserve their image…

      It's all bs, just to show that they are doing something, but for them you will always be the cause of the problem, or the weak guy who couldn't cope with the perfect environment.

    • pipe on 01/05/2021 - 00:08

      While you are spot on that HR is never on your side and it is better to move on, there is one scenario where you should make a complaint.

      If you think they are going to terminate you for whatever reason, making a bullying complaint is a sure way to keep your job or negotiate more money to walk away.

      Reason is once you make a complaint to HR, even if they have a legitimate reason to fire you and they follow procedure, you can still sue them afterwards claiming they fired you for making a complaint, and you will almost always get paid out because it costs much more for them to fight it.

  • tallkid123 on 29/04/2021 - 11:13
    +2
    • Management is all men and employees will be all female once I leave.

    Go and find a new job asap. I've been the only guy in a female team before and it's shit. However, when management was male, it usually made things tolerable so that I could hack it for a bit longer before inevitably leaving anyway.

  • SimoP on 29/04/2021 - 11:31
    +5

    Good luck OP. It's best just to find another job in this situation unfortunately even if you love the work. Nothing is more important than your mental health. Whether it's all-male, all-female, or mixed, it doesn't matter, there are just shit people in the world unfortunately.

    • Previous employers called me "not even Australian" just because I wasn't white…
    • Women in my old workplace consistently gossiped about employees and external clients saying how they should've had more make up and how ugly they were…
    • Men in another old workplace were so misogynistic they didn't let the females talk in meetings…

    Some people can be so terrible.

    Report everything to HR in your exit interview. They'll soon realise their workplace is shit once they see their low retention rates.

    Start your own business if you can, so many toxic workplaces out there unfortunately.

    Make sure your next job has a good culture, research Glassdoor, Seek and Indeed reviews thoroughly before accepting your next role.

    Best of luck.

    • megaalc on 29/04/2021 - 18:39

      "Report everything to HR" (female)….

      • Alligate on 29/04/2021 - 20:16

        I don't get it. Are women so bitchy they can't ever be made to work with other women as they will claw each others eyes out, or is a true blue sorority that would never take a complaint against another member of sisterhood?

        Or is that HR won't be there to take the call because females won't turn up to work

        Have seen all three in this thread, unsure which this is referencing

      • SimoP on 30/04/2021 - 13:38

        HR was best friends with the workplace bully. They bullied me in my quarterly review that they made me cry. They didn't care. Being an (profanity) isn't gender specific.

  • Lurk Hartog on 29/04/2021 - 11:37
    +22

    I remember working in an all female workplace with male bosses. At first it seemed like the best job ever, and I couldn't believe I was getting paid for it, but over time, my female co-workers just completely wore me out. Most days I'd just have one co-worker, which was manageable, but on other days there'd be two, three or even more, and I found that on those days in particular I would have more work than ever and would finish the day completely exhausted.

    To make matters worse, I found out they were all being paid way more than me, despite most of them being in their late teens and early twenties.

    I eventually left that job, and although I am no longer an adult film star, I have found my new job as a registered nurse just as rewarding. My wife and I are also managing to save 200k a year!

    • MementoMori on 29/04/2021 - 13:59
      +1

      LOL Gold

    • megaalc on 29/04/2021 - 18:36

      was going to ask you about 200k, until I saw the last line lol

    • lookingforTV on 29/04/2021 - 19:06
      +2

      What a twist at the end! Great job!

  • OzHunterNSW on 29/04/2021 - 12:06
    +1

    It is important to create a paper trail. Diarise everything. Names of perpetrators. Times, dates, what was done/said. Speak with your doctor. Get it on record. Speak with management.
    If nothing changes, go out on stress….. go out on compo.

  • sheepzpal on 29/04/2021 - 12:13

    don't post your issues at work here man…. they all gna read it now

    • Orico on 29/04/2021 - 22:32

      Good. Name and shame the dogs.

  • Assburg on 29/04/2021 - 12:15
    +1

    Start logging all instances of things which could be percieved as bullying while you look for a new job.

    Go to a GP and ask for a referral to a therapist, make your case about abusive workplace to them, then have regular therapist appointments during work hours where you recall and talk about the garbage treatment you recieve.

    Depending on what state you're in, record your interactions discretely. You're trying to build a case that it's not any individual with a bad attitude, but rather a bad culture and that bullying is a systemic part of it

    Read some stoic philosophy during work hours, do as much as everyone else, you're just there to get that sweet online banking notification every second Thursday.

    Join a union if you can, so once you've found a new job, you can go to your union and express an interest in taking legal action against your employer; they're legally required to provide a safe place to work.

    Something I realised this year was that these same sort of interactions at work have amounted to more than they should for me because I didn't have anything big on the horizon. If you've got something to look forward to outside of work, in the short or medium term, it gives you a bit of perspective.

    All the best.

  • trapper on 29/04/2021 - 12:24

    Just get out of there.

    Make that decision today - this alone will relieve 90% of your stress.

    Find your new job before you actually resign though.

  • happyhammer on 29/04/2021 - 19:37

    Talk to your Gp and get referred to a professional who can help.
    Maybe take a few days either sick leave or holiday/unpaid. Don't quit before finding something you want to do. Don't bother with HR they are not there for you but for the company.
    Personally I (male) have worked in both only female companies and mixed and it massively just depends on the people and pre existing culture rather than any gender stereotypes.

  • silenthillrocks on 29/04/2021 - 19:45
    +1

    Don't post here, you will just be bullied by ozBully community

    • Alligate on 29/04/2021 - 20:18
      +1

      I can't wait to bully this dude, honestly.

  • zooter on 29/04/2021 - 20:05
    +1

    Even after reading all these comments, I still don't understand what the problem seems to be….

    • Orico on 29/04/2021 - 22:31

      Because you need to stop reading random comments and wait for the OP to respond.

    • SF3 on 29/04/2021 - 22:53

      OP did reply in his very first post.

      Interesting what is ask about the options to his car choices… He was 22yo in 2017

      At the same time, 4wd is not really what young people drive and I feel embarrassed driving it.

      Not sure what to make of this…

      • Skinnerr on 30/04/2021 - 18:46

        You have all been bamboozled by OP.

  • Zafzui on 30/04/2021 - 04:09

    Bro change your job with me.😄😄

  • hopper on 30/04/2021 - 07:22

    Can we swap jobs OP?

  • ngujo7 on 30/04/2021 - 10:12
    +1

    I was in a similar situation and just quit immediately to save myself the stress and anxiety.
    I too didn't take many sick days/leave and not many people may be aware but when you work in an agency or office environment, those who take leave - their work become your priorities and deadlines on top of what you have going on.
    If it's a place where you feel like the odd one out, some may make it harder for you when they go on leave and leave a shitload of work for you to do.
    You're looking at more stress, overtime, no lunches during work, or lunch at your desk. There's literally no work-life balance and you're constantly thinking about work.

    If you've saved enough, quit and devote the next 1-2 months to recovering your mental health and looking for a new job. At least now you'll have a better understanding of what to look out for in future jobs, in terms of management, team culture and working environment.

  • DiscoJango on 30/04/2021 - 10:41
    -1

    Hi everyone,

    i am stressed at work and very unhappy

    i will not tell you what i do for a living, or any other details, however please help and provide extremely detailed responses

    i will not be responding to you either.

    • jv on 30/04/2021 - 11:16

      I managed to find a pic of the OP shortly after the girls in the office saw this forum thread…

  • [Deactivated] on 30/04/2021 - 11:10
    -1

    I am the only male employee in the workplace.

    I feel sad to hear you're not being pampered.

    • jv on 30/04/2021 - 11:14

      We get homemade muffins and cookies every Friday !!!

  • jv on 30/04/2021 - 11:13
    • Will also be speaking to a counsellor.

    I hope you don't live in the Yarra Council area.

    You're not going to get much of a sympathetic ear from them unless you're a Green…

    • kanmen on 01/05/2021 - 11:43

      That's a Councillor not a counsellor

      • jv on 01/05/2021 - 11:56

        That's a Councillor not a counsellor

        'i' before 'e' except after 'C'

  • lonix on 30/04/2021 - 12:17

    I'm going to say that being the odd one out can be difficult,
    you might just need to engage with your work mates more, try not to take it serously and laugh it off.
    what I mean is you might just be taking it the wrong way.

    • jv on 30/04/2021 - 21:13

      engage with your work mates more

      He should probably get to know them better first, before getting engaged…

  • seabass on 30/04/2021 - 14:21

    I've been in a similar situation. It feels terrible.

    Its unlikely things will ever be perfect there so step 1 is to seek work elsewhere.

    GP is a great idea, therapy can't hurt at all and is a good option, it feels really terrible to be socially isolated let a lone bullied at work.
    i would bring up how you feel with HR.

    Make a list of the times you feel bullied, it will be evidence. if you feel in a good headspace pursue it further legally etc.

    • jv on 30/04/2021 - 21:14

      i would bring up how you feel with HR.

      HR is one of the girls there…

  • Aerith-Waifu on 30/04/2021 - 16:00
    +1

    All girls are like young or old? Young? Yes please! Old? No thank you 😂

    I am the only male employee in my company 🙂

  • Skinnerr on 30/04/2021 - 18:48

    STOP🛑!You have all been tricked by the OP. Who starts a topic as heaetwrenching as this, and then doesn't make a single reply or comment? 🤔

    My money is that OP is a psych major and this is some big brain thesis.

    • cuckchump on 30/04/2021 - 21:11

      <<<< thats because his like me

  • PhatChedda on 30/04/2021 - 20:11
    -1

    Big orgy before you leave

  • Needles on 30/04/2021 - 21:16

    let these girls bullying me then

  • M8y on 01/05/2021 - 00:11

    A good psychotherapist is priceless. Life can be tough, and a good therapist can give you the tools to help you cope and manage with a lot of these challenges.

  • BookerDeWitt on 01/05/2021 - 02:13
    -1

    I've observed a similar situation. Women in the modern work place are cancer. Pro-tip: Move to a male-centric, rational, cohesive work environment instead. Change industry if you have to.

  • Kmartsecurityguard on 01/05/2021 - 07:31

    I don’t understand this thread by op, like what is the question here? It’s more like a statement but doesn’t tell us what kind of bullying, work environment, type of work etc. you say you haven’t taken a sick day all year like it’s a thing? It’s May, neither have I it’s only 5 months into the year why is taking a sick day even a thing because of your mental health? Or because all of the woman take one all the time you feel you need one too? There’s nothing here, you need to give us something. But if I was to just take your op at face value, if it’s toxic work environment created by these woman then leave the job or take notes and get legal advice, record an interaction that shows the toxicity happening to you as evidence most phones have a voice recorder just put that on and keep your phone in your inside jacket pocket, use names when communicating and catch it in progress, get a lawyer, let them fire you, record everything and you’re all good.

  • paloverde88 on 01/05/2021 - 09:01

    Yes speak to a gee pee and listening to bee gee helps too.

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