This one pops up every now and then but feel there may be a shift in recent years.
The current answer may be skewed by current economic crisis and the pandemic, but assume 'normal' conditions.
Acceptable Age to Still Be Living at Home with Parents?
inittobinit on 18/10/2020 - 18:44
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Comments
I vote for 12.
Back in the day people had real jobs at that age.
LOL
Yeah but remember you lived till you were 21 at best. So 12 is basically 40 adjusted for today.
Thats not the point and you know it!
The Queen would write you a card on your 21st birthday
Back in the day? I read this is still a thing, it is now called "sweat shop".
Back in the day when you had to walk 15 miles through the snow to get to school
Uphill both ways!
Living with your parents is fun cause it's free except for the small coat of your mental wellbeing. 😜
Oh how wrong you are… Asian parents charge you rent and they drive you insane.
I think as long as you’re contributing to bills, mortgage, household duties, I think it’s fine. People that live at home and don’t do shit, is what I don’t agree with. Like, having your dad do the lawn or your mum make you lunch
I would love to be at home to stop my dad from doing all those things he should be doing at his age. Mowing the lawn, no problem. he can walk, he can mow the lawn. climbing ladders to change light fittings…..removing the door to change the hinge….I do not want to find out if he can the bad way.
Careful whipper snapper, I'll make you pick a switch
This, exactly this. I still live at home. But I pay all the bills and have cooked and cleaned for myself since my early teens.
I stay to help out. Otherwise I would have moved out.
I say it's bad enough to be say in your 30's and living at home, but if you help out, look after yourself, it's fine. If you're parents still cook and clean for you, then you cross the line…
I'm feeling personally attacked
I think it's really up to what your parents are happy to do. If they are happy and want to make lunch/ dinner etc for you then I see no issue with that.
As others have said - until they kick you out but as long as you’re pulling your weight.
There’s loads of reasons why it makes sense to stay. There’s loads of reasons why it makes sense to leave.
As long as it makes sense - it’s fine.
I'm hearing a lot about kids moving out, but what about the opposite… parent(s) moving in? Surely with this year being what it is, that's on the rise.
What do people think about that?
And what age is appropriate for parents to move in to their kid's home?
Eg:
- 35yo parent moving in to a 18yo kids place (might raise some eyebrows)
- 70yo parent moving in to a 40yo kids place (seems socially accepted)
- Where's the turnover point?Kangal here asking the big questions!
My MIL has been moving in / out of our place now for the last 4 or so years. Bounces between shared accom, renting, living with brother, living with daughter, living with friends, etc.
We now have 6 kids and make her aware she will be a live in babysitter - hardly see her now haha
6 kids? Do you work or living on my tax?
@aussie-bargainer: Worked full time for the last 15 years - need to fund my bargain hunting habits somehow!
@MrKnowItAll: How do you or anyone manage 6 kids? How do you go out? Who does the work? Can you give enough time to every child? Do you spend time on child's education?
@aussie-bargainer: How do you or anyone manage 6 kids?
We have a decent age range there, the three older ones (7 to 11yo) look after themselves and do help out around the house when needed - when they're at school we can then focus solely on the younger three (7mo to 3yo), when home they play together some of the time - jumping on the trampoline and playing with toysHow do you go out?
Like anyone else - it is just a little more tricky to co-ordinate.. we do the usual stuff people do - parks, play centres, restaurants, etc.Who does the work?
Given the younger ones are not in school and the rising cost of daycare, we live off the one wage which I earn, it's not a huge sum of money but certainly manageable - food shop is around $300/fn but that includes quality ingredients from our butcher tooCan you give enough time to every child?
We do what we can and feel it's sufficientDo you spend time on child's education?
As needed - the older three are in extension classes in school - we give them the necessary tools to get stuff done and help them out if they get stuck on their homework, but at the moment it's not really needed@MrKnowItAll: @marckay
Cool!!! I must say I started to troll with my first comment but really good to know how you manage things. For us we feel we can hardly do enough for 2 kids.
About how you go out, I mean which vehicle you use? I assume you'll have to use 2 cars all the time.
@aussie-bargainer: Haha no worries, I noticed but went along with it anyway :)
We have a Grand Carnival (8 seat van), it's quite heavy on fuel but better than fuel / rego on two vehicles to go anywhere.
Ideally we wanted a Commuter but the ridiculous lack of features (no ABS, cruise control, stability control, etc.) was very off putting.
Surely different cultures have different approaches to this? For some there's no age limit.
I know in alot of asian cultures like China, it's expected the elderly live with the children to be taken care of or something like that.
I don't intend leaving mum at a nursing home, that's for sure.
Well circumstances may change in future, but quite likely rather have her around and 'pay my debts' back.
She's gone through so much for me/us + we have a tight bond and enjoy each other's company!Now I can't speak for my siblings, but we're raised by the same woman so I can assume they feel similarly.
Ideally we'd have our own houses and families, which mum can move freely to and from. That scenario be years away though.
Same here. We have enough space for a granny flat and once my parents get old enough I'll build them one.
They'll stay with me until I cannot meet their medical needs, for example, advanced dementia.
@SupeNintendoChalmers: the granny flat is a good idea;
mum just revealed to me she wants to happily retire in her home country!
(along with her aunt there, which is basically her mother-figure, and my nan-figure;
she also has her own personal 'debts' to her.. :p)
I'd never do that to mum either, I'd have her live with me regardless of my family situation, the only exception is if I can't look after her for whatever reason (such as what Rowdy Roddy Peeper said).
Although my mum will hate me saying this, I'm fully prepared to move in with her and support her when she needs it. I'm only mid 30's so I've got plenty of time until then, but its still in my life plan.
She took care of me so damn much as a child/teen/young adult. I'm going to do the same for her when she needs it.
for that to happen im sure you've already decided not to get married?
This is why house prices are going up. Income from multi generations and first home buyers at 30
Bank of Mum & Dad. But serves everyone right now. If one set of parents start boosting their kids deposit and everyone else does the same it just inflates house prices and mums & dads will be left holding the bag.
18 in Australia, 80 in Italy… 😂
Very different kind of "moving out" when one reaches 80 (respect)…
In Italy when you move out you move into the house next door and still go home for meals.
Would you want to leave Nonna's cooking behind!?
What prompted the question op?
probably in his 40s and was wondering if its normal to still live with parents….
who cares
apparently he does
Probably the meat loaf taking too long XD
It's fine as long as you understand the other side of that decision. It might be more fun now, but 10 years down the track when your other mates have got their deposit together and buying nice properties and cars, etc, you can't complain about not being able to do so too.
Maybe when those friends hit 70 and can finally retire they can try their luck on Tinder.
If your life revolves around Tinder as much as you make it sound, good luck with everything.
@AustriaBargain: I'm sure there was someone got HIV from a Tinder date and on their deathbed complained that they used Tinder too much.
@cheaplee: Maybe, but there's medication that stops you from getting HIV from enjoying Tinder "too much" these days. And if you're on that medication then you're getting STI testing way more than the average person anyway. It's the average person who has never had an STI test in their life, but lies about it, that you need to worry about when playing Tinder.
but there's medication that stops you from getting HIV
err what? no, no there isn't.
@MrBear: Yeah… PrEP has proven to be as effective as condom for HIV transmission (some people might have side effects, and it doesn't protect from other STDs, so that doesn't mean one should go on Tinder and have unprotected sex with a bunch of unknown people anyway).
@this is us: This probably goes on the list of the weirdest things I've learnt from Ozbargain, but probably isn't a bad thing to learn.
@cheaplee: Mate, you're either got brainwashed by third world country propaganda or haven't read the news in the last decade or so. HIV hasn't been an issue among developed country and the number died from AIDS probably not even worth counting, what you said only happens to the unfortunates somewhere else that never even heard of Tinder.
Have you seen popular music or a billboard or the magazine section or anywhere in real life?
Who cares about that rubbish besides shallow kids…
@AustriaBargain: First its Tinder, then pop music and "magazines", now porn, sounds like you need some better hobbies…
@smartazz104: I'm just saying that most of us have a healthy interest in sex. And if we aren't getting it, we wish we were getting it. Living with your parents until you're 30 just to save money is not healthy for most of us I'd think.
@AustriaBargain: Nobody ever complained they used tinder
except these people https://youtu.be/IFFTMfp5iQo
And the girl who fell of gable tostes balcony and died on a tinder date
Parents can get used to it :)
@capslock janitor: He said himself that his girls wouldn't want to have sex at a housemates place. What about your poor parents, if it's enough to make your gf uncomfortable then why would you impose the exact same thing on your own parents. If your parents were frank with you, you might hear something like this from them https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uqi7LzRoaBQ
Spoken like a true moocher
Meaningless sex or financial security?/s
If you need your own place to get laid then you're not getting laid.
And who in their right mind wants to be on Tinder after their early 20's? The dating pool starts shrinking very quickly mid 20's on. Unless you can land a widow, you need to start accepting deal breaker issues. Or cradle snatch.
Okay so you and your 30yo gf both live with your parents. You'd like to be bumping ugly and walking to the fridge nude to drink juice straight from the carton twice a day. What do you do?
Same as when you have kids. Sneak it when no one is around and/or asleep. Don't make stupid amounts of noise. Wear clothes to the bathroom if you don't have an en suite. So much more time and so many more locations you have fun when you don't have kids. I would do it more because I had a clear opportunity that I would lose soon. And it was always fun to rush to finish then run away.
Boring sex with randoms sounds so much better :p
I would happily put on a tee and boxers to go grab a drink to save $500+ a week rent was in my home town.
Seriously, each to their own. I liked my 20's. Sounds like you liked yours.
@This Guy: Sneaking around, trying to stay whisper quiet, etc. What a way to spend your life from 18-30. Heck forget about living in parents home to save money, you're staying in your home town to save money.
@AustriaBargain: What?
Where did you get whisper from? Just have to keep it quite enough that it is plausibly the neighbours. And that's only when someone is home. We didn't need to be whisper quite until we moved out into an apartment.
Where is this magical place that you can afford at 18 that gives you more privacy than a parent's house? If you live somewhere cheap enough to afford at 18 with privacy there would be 50 places to sneak with in a five minute walk.
@This Guy: Now you're trying to make your sex sounds as if they were coming from next door, like a ventriloquist. At 18 I had housemates and most people I knew did. You split the cost of renting a cheap place by two, and it works out to be a lot cheaper than living on campus.
@AustriaBargain: I understand how a share house works.
I also know that most of the woman I dated wouldn't have sex in a share house.
Why do you keep twisting my argument? Are you trying to prolong this exchange because you are lonely? It's cool. But moving the conversation forward instead will get you more interaction here.
I don't try to throw voices. I just don't carry on like a moron and keep the volume moderate. Like I said, apartments are far worse and if your family home is an apartment, you probably want to leave earlier for multiple reasons.
@This Guy: And do you think your parents like living with their 30 year old child, I'm sure your parents would like to cut loose and have sex without trying to throw the sound so it could plausibly be coming from next door. Before your parents had kids they were just a regular couple wanting to enjoy their best lives too. Why should your parents have to cramp their own style in their own house to save their 30 year old son $500 a month.
@AustriaBargain: The couple I know that lived at home at 30 returned because one of their parent's was lonely with mobility issues in a reasonably sized house. They were invited. That parent wasn't having sex.
Once they got pregnant they moved out. And $500 a week is $26,000 a year.
@This Guy: You’d cramp your parents style for a whole year for 26k? You don’t think very much of your parents as people, do you. And you don’t have to share a $1000 a week house when you do finally move out, you can live somewhere more modest or distant. Your parents made do at your age with what they could afford.
@AustriaBargain: Dude, I think a 28 year old, single virgin, living at home is just as much of a looser as a 22 year old who is still on Tinder.
You keep trying to throw some silly argument on me. I get it, you're trolling because your are lonely. We've all been there. But your just going to scare people away with all that toxicity.
Spoken like a true 40 year old virgin.
If you're not at school or uni then it looks bad to still be living with your parents. I put 19 but up to early 20s is ok if at uni and saving money on rent.
then it looks bad to still be living with your parents
I didn't neg you, but looks bad to who?
I came across a lot of people who moved out young because their parents didn't want them around as soon as they finished school. Problem is, in a lot of cases, it comes back and bites them in the arse. When the parents get older and need help, it's unlikely most of those "kids" will come back and help out.
I think asians and other immigrant families tend to have a stronger family bond because it's not common to kick their children out at a certain age. I say "not common" because it's not every family, but as a general rule. If they kick their kids out at a young age, their kids aren't likely going to be around when they're older and need help. You provide a home for them when they're younger, there's a good chance they'll be there when help is needed later. It goes around and round.
No one is going to take you seriously as an adult.
When you're over 30 and still renting because you haven't been able to save a deposit to buy a property, people are going to judge you too. No matter where you are or what you do, there's going to be those that judge. So screw them - you do what's best for you.
@bobbified: I don't think people judge people who choose to rent. That's a legitimate life choice - your job might mean you move cities every year or six months or maybe you really like going on holidays and not being tied down anywhere. You might want to invest your money in something other than property - maybe you buy stocks or something. Buying a house is not a life stage that everyone has to go through. Living with your parents into adulthood is not a legitimate life choice though, and moving out IS a life stage that everyone must pass through one day assuming they outlive their parents.
The older you get the worse it is. It will put people off thinking of you as a marriage candidate - why would you want to marry someone who gets looked after by their mother, doesn't know how to manage bills, or cook, or clean (even if you do all that for your parents, assuming they're not elderly/disabled it is going to look as though you are being looked after)? A la Howard Wolowitz from big bang theory. No one wants to be tied to a big manbaby (or womanbaby) all their life.
The only times it is ok is the following:
You're studying so it is difficult to make enough money to keep yourself fed and sheltered (better to be moved out but acceptable to live at home if you have to)
You have had a divorce or big breakup, or lost your job, or some other catastrophe that you need support for. But once you've picked up the pieces you are going to move out and start over
Your parents are elderly or disabled and you are caring for them
Or maybe you have a disability yourself and aren't able to look after yourself and need your parents' support
I think the reason it gets so much worse with each passing year that someone hasn't moved out is because late teens/early twenties are the time to be learning how to live with people, how to pull your weight, how to be an adult and do dreary things like cook, pay bills etc. As people get older than that habits get ingrained. If you haven't had to look after yourself in your early twenties by the time you get to your mid thirties you really just don't know how and you will struggle to learn and being a good person to live with won't come naturally. Compared to someone who has lived in 6 sharehouses from the age of 19-24, who has made every mistake in the book and gotten pulled up on it, and has learned to be both a good person to live with and how to take care of themselves without relying on someone else to do things for them
@Quantumcat: Don't get me wrong - there's nothing wrong with choosing to rent, especially if buying is actually an option you have. However, if we go back to your original comment about people judging, I've found that people seem to judge those who don't own their own home by a certain age more than those who haven't moved out at a younger age. I rented for about 10 years up until recently and people don't say it to my face, but I can see the look on their face when I tell them I'm renting. Givne they know the position I hold at work, their first question is always "why don't you just buy?".
Nowadays, I think most people understand that it's expensive to move out or buy your own place and it seems to be much more acceptable to be staying at home while still in your late 20's or even early 30's.
It will put people off thinking of you as a marriage candidate
I think there's a lot more to this than just whether you live at home or not. If someone is living at home in their late 20s, isn't at uni and isn't employed and just plays video games, then fair enough. That is, someone who just "takes". But someone who lives at home and is employed in a meaningful way and has a mature attitude who is contributing to the household can easily pass as a marriage candidate.
I had an incident that I still remember from when I was 30. It's still fresh in my mind right now! I had been in a new city for about two years in a new job and lived by myself. I was quite social at work and after hours and everything. I had been dating this girl for a few months and she wanted to break it off. She wouldn't tell me why but I eventually got it out of her. She said "You're 30 and you don't have your own house or car or anything". It ripped me to shreds. While it is not an uncommon expectation of asian females, I have to admit that it shocked me to hear that directed at me for the first time. I had a few hundred thousand sitting in my bank account, but there was no point revealing to her to try make her stay. I didn't want that to be the reason for her to get back together.
@bobbified: That's interesting. I guess owning property is still seen as the pinnacle of financial achievement by a lot of people. Maybe that's because shares are invisible but you can see a house.
But someone who lives at home and is employed in a meaningful way and has a mature attitude who is contributing to the household can easily pass as a marriage candidate.
That's true, especially if you pull your weight around the house. There's things that you don't get exposed to living with your parents though, that would help you learn good behaviour that would eventually be second nature. Transgressions that a housemate might rip you a new one for but a parent would just make a polite comment about or take care if it so it isn't a problem. Maybe things like not putting a new toilet roll on after finishing the last one, leaving a smelly sock around, letting liquid toothpaste build up on the holder because of not rinsing the brush thoroughly, not buying more milk while you were out, leaving dirty dishes in the sink and not washing them within three days, not taking your clothes out if the washing machine for six hours, all those sorts of things. Also things that come with being responsible for a house like setting up the electricity account and scheduling bills, negotiating with landlords, gardening, just kind of random things that the parent would probably take care of as house owner. It is still different living with others compared to living with your parents even if you financially contribute just as much to the household in your parents house as you would in a sharehouse. Parents love you and want the best for you. Some housemates couldn't tell you from a bar of soap, since friendly, but most won't put up with being treated poorly and will happily tell you when you step out of line
That's interesting. I guess owning property is still seen as the pinnacle of financial achievement by a lot of people. Maybe that's because shares are invisible but you can see a house.
I think you're right there. If you have a portfolio of shares and can explain to someone that your money makes more money sitting there than a property, they'd probably understand. But it's not something you'd really want to go around telling people. So they're just going to judge you base on what they know. I suspect the judging would stop once you at least own your principle home.
There's things that you don't get exposed to living with your parents though, that would help you learn good behaviour that would eventually be second nature.
I know what you're saying ad personally, I think it's okay as long as you don't need to be reminded more than once. If someone's got a certain level of consideration for others, they would already have a fair idea of what's acceptable and what's not. And it it's something new, it's going to be quite easy to pick these things up. Other than that, the lazy and inconsiderate ones will always be the same! LOL
explain to someone that your money makes more money sitting there than a property, they'd probably understand.
I dont think it's always or only about money. House ownership signifies stability and security, which is essential for a young family who may be looking at having children. Lack of may be a red flag.
@Ughhh: You're definitely right there, however, you need the money to have home ownership. Having the money but no home ownership still signifies stability and security because the option is there.
You're 30 and you don't have your own house or car or anything
Hahahaha, such a gold digger….you wouldn't want her anyways….unless she was hot…was she hot?
Till your parents kick you out?