Do You Split Your Household Expenses with Your Spouse? How?

LRogerSyd on 15/11/2019 - 13:04
Last edited 15/11/2019 - 13:57

Hi Ozbargainers,

I have a rather delicate subject to discuss.

My wife and I both earn almost similar income (decent income); Our expenses are also high – Childcare, Rent, holidays being the biggest culprits. No home loan currently but considering it in the next 2-3 years.

Individual expenses are handled individually but most of our common expenses are paid from my account.

I understand that the married couple should be one unit.
However, I just want to know whether any of you split expenses? and how? (in the proportion of income/ common account for expenses/ one salary for saving, etc.)

Financial

Comments

    • unelectric on 17/11/2019 - 20:59

      When there's income disparity separate accounts don't work IMO.

      1) You don't want to invite the possibility for financial control
      2) If you split the bills 80/20 the richer partner still has a lot more disposable or 'fun money'.

      Let's compare a 250k earner to 62k with rent, food, bills, etc are $700 a week.

      80% of that is $560, 20% is $240. That leaves the 250k earner $4.2k per week, and the 62k earner $952.

  • dono2 on 17/11/2019 - 06:52

    I pay for mostly everything in my house, mortgage, bills, etc.
    She buys food, kids clothes and presents.

    She gets the 450 from the rental apartment each week too.

    I sound like I'm in the minority here, she works casual around 1-2 days a week.

  • nikey2k27 on 17/11/2019 - 08:58
    +1

    mum buy food and her stuff dad pay for the house and Dan.

  • [Deactivated] on 17/11/2019 - 10:55
    +2

    We have a shared offset account for our home loans. All extra money goes into this and major bills are all paid from that account. We've otherwise kept our separate accounts and keep a bit of money each for our own personal spending. I only ever keep a few hundred in mine though. She tends to keep a bit more.

  • ass3ts on 17/11/2019 - 11:28

    I pay for most expenses and she keeps all her income, but I did get her to sign a prenup.

  • srr on 17/11/2019 - 12:18

    I’m better with money so basically keep all budgeting and accounting going. All income goes to one pot and then everything is paid out of it. After all the budgeted expenses and savings whatever is left goes as cash to the box on top of the fridge for all expenses like groceries, cafes etc. Bigger expenses are normally budgeted or taken out of the reserve fund after a discussion. Everything is tracked in a shared google sheets, so there’s transparency and accountability. Works for us.

  • Alzori on 17/11/2019 - 17:00

    Be practical. If you get a divorce your assets get split anyway, doesn't matter who's name it's in. Just do joint accounts and forget the stress of it. I realise this perspective is dark but whatever.

    • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 17/11/2019 - 19:08
      +1

      If you get a divorce your assets get split anyway, doesn't matter who's name it's in.

      That's a trap many fall for. You can't recover previous years of expenditure from your partner. Only what is left (ie. house and cars) gets split.

      • Alzori on 17/11/2019 - 19:35

        Ah, fair point. Hopefully you aren't totally blinded by love that you don't check that they are on the same page about money beforehand then, I guess.

  • Trying2SaveABuck on 17/11/2019 - 18:54
    +3

    I earn money, my wife spends it….

  • bmerigan on 17/11/2019 - 21:07

    Shared bank account. The only money that is individual is birthday gifts.

  • burningrage on 17/11/2019 - 22:31

    Someone says, "What's yours mine, what's mine mine".

    Jokes aside. The answer to OP's question in my case is no.

  • burningrage on 17/11/2019 - 22:36

    Looking at the responses so far, I can't help but to feel sometimes the solution to this sort of question are actually trust and maturity.

    If you then argue trust is too big a mountain to hike in a spousal environment, then it's quite a difficult situation to be in.

    Really, sometimes the advice I got from my old man that to find spouse in a "right" place makes perfect sense.

  • The Az on 18/11/2019 - 08:53
    +1

    This is definitely a conversation you NEED to have.

    If you are paying for it all and she has no expenses, it needs to change. As you said, you are a UNIT.

    2 options in my opinion

    1. You guys split everything into an account that is being used for living expenses. Or she sends you the money (50%) as the expenses come in

    2 this is what my girlfriend's parents have done In the past. Her dad was paying for the living expenses. And her mum's money was all savings and dinners, going out, holidays etc.

    It shouldn't be a delicate subject if you already have kida and all. If it's a new relationship I would say it needs to be a general discussion of maybe helping in the near future, but since you guys are well and truly into a family this should be common sense at this time. If she gets upset over it, she definitly shouldn't since you've paid for it all up to now..

    Good luck

    • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 18/11/2019 - 08:57
      +2
      1. Is the better option. Set up a joint account for bills. Start with electricity and gas first initially. Each send 50% of the bill amount there prior to the due date. Completely reasonable and alarm bells should go off if they won't contribute to simple utilities.

      OP needs to take baby steps so they can arrive at a suitable arrangement for both of them.

      • The Az on 18/11/2019 - 09:10
        +1

        Agreed..

        This should definitely be the go. This discussion needs to happen.

  • ataraxia on 18/11/2019 - 09:37
    +2

    Lots of reasons to have separated finances as a married couple. All depends on your circumstances and what you guys agree on such as equal shares (contribute same amount) or proportionate shares (70% of your salary).

    Personally my wife has a dependant parent and she wants the spending that she and her mother does to be discretionary so whether its going out to eat or buying a new iPhone since their proportion is pre-agreed I cant stop them from buying something but I can certainly make a comment about spending. We do a rough 50/50 split of expenses and contribute between 80-90% of our income to sharing with the remainder for personal purchases. Alot of it is very informal but we are happy to keep it that way.

    If you get into arguments about money it may be better to formalise it. Have a joint account or credit card for expenses and both contribute an agreed amount.

  • jacross on 18/11/2019 - 10:47
    +4

    Those who are of the belief that 'all esle but my system are doomed' or who 'can't understand why you'd want any other system' are displaying pretty abysmal close mindedness and comprehensive reasoning skills.

    I have my preference but I'm not of the belief it's the only way, only acceptable way, or even the best way in all circumstances.

    There are multiple objective and subjective variables at play.

    • Typical16-bitEnjoyer on 18/11/2019 - 10:53
      +2

      Well said.

      This thread eerily reminds me of the marriage law postal survey and some of the ridiculous advertising that preceded it.

      Thankfully there's no mention of bank accounts or relationship finances in the bible. Otherwise that would be goto argument number 1 for joint accounts.

  • xgenosis on 18/11/2019 - 11:17

    We have two accounts

    1 day to day account and one saver account where the bulk of the money sits. No separate accounts no credit cards.
    We use YNAB (you need a budget) for all of our tracking.

    We assign ourselves fun money each month and it has made everything such a joy just pooling both our incomes

  • IMadeYouReadThis on 18/11/2019 - 11:22
    +1

    Yep, we share everything too, including Spotify account :D

    We put everything in our offset account and have shared credit card that we use for all our expenses (common or personal). My wife is pretty bad in managing finance so she just lets me do whatever I want to, but we do mutually agree before spending money on anything (literally anything except food/lunch etc).

    Personally, I want my wife to take ownership of few things so that she knows what we pay in Council Rate, Water Bill, Electricity bill etc so that she know what to do if I die but she isn't keen to know any of this. I have to keep reminding her about my life insurance policy, superannuation balance and offset account.

    • brad1-8tsi on 18/11/2019 - 13:09

      I see this so often where one spouse does all the money stuff and the other is clueless then when the poop hits the fan they don't know what to do.

  • Mia03 on 18/11/2019 - 12:22

    Married for 5+ years, dated for 4 years before getting married. I work full time whereas my husband is a full-time PhD student.

    Have individual accounts but we share 50/50 for everything including rent, groceries, eating out, etc. Have a joint account with automatic weekly deposits from both of our accounts- the joint account is used for holidays and larger purchases (tv, sofa, etc). I've found this to be the easiest way to manage finances.

    When we have kids, whoever stays home to take care of the child gets paid. Like if my husband stays home for 8 hours a day as a carer, he gets paid for 8 hours ( I pay for 4 hours and he is self-employed for the other 4 hours). This way, he will have enough income to support the basic expenses until we are both working full-time again.

    • ozhunter on 18/11/2019 - 13:05

      When we have kids, whoever stays home to take care of the child gets paid. Like if my husband stays home for 8 hours a day as a carer, he gets paid for 8 hours I pay for 4 hours and he is self-employed for the other 4 hours).

      Paid from the other person?

      • Mia03 on 19/11/2019 - 08:33

        Yes, that's what I thought would be the most logical thing to do. Similar to paying for day care services.

        • aboogee on 20/11/2019 - 07:15

          Wow. Do you happen to be in finance / accounting?

  • Chandler on 18/11/2019 - 12:39
    +1

    Our finances have been joint since we got married. Both incomes into the mortgage with regular transfers to transaction accounts for living expenses, bills etc.

    No real line between mine/hers.

    • ely on 19/11/2019 - 22:35

      Same, but almost nothing in transaction accounts and only one transfer a month to clear out credit cards with all expenses on those instead.

  • brad1-8tsi on 18/11/2019 - 13:07

    We had her account, my account, our account.

    My (now ex) wife earnt anywhere from 50%/100% more than me. We paid ourselves an allowance (whatever we personally felt was fair and we didn't discuss it with the other - all trust) into our personal accounts and the remainder went in the joint account. As long as all the bills & mortgage were paid and there was some money left to invest elsewhere we were both happy. She spent shedloads on clothes; I spent shedloads on my hobbies and neither of us cared.

    We argued about many things but never money (the marriage counselor was speechless - the first time she'd ever encountered it). ironically, during the divorce, money was the thing we argued about the most.

    • ozbjunkie on 18/11/2019 - 22:04
      +1

      During the divorce, what is left to argue over?

      Kids?

      "No you take them, NO YOU TAKE THEM".

      • brad1-8tsi on 19/11/2019 - 09:55

        Mate, if she could find something in an attempt to press my buttons she gave it a shot.

        Fortunately, I was utilising my employers "assistance program" at the time and could discuss the emotions I was feeling with a counsellor. As a result i didn't react and that made her react more as she wasn't in control. :-)

  • 91rs on 18/11/2019 - 13:54

    No, because shes not my flatmate.
    One joint account, bills are paid, things are bought and then anything left over after all that goes in to a savings account.
    I find it very weird when people do this, unless you're a much older couple who got together later in life who were out on their own for a long time it seems strange and not very trusting.

  • desert eagle on 18/11/2019 - 13:58

    I go to work and dump a bunch of money into some accounts. I earn more, but she's better with money, so she controls the expenses. Works out well for us.

  • tyorll on 18/11/2019 - 23:00
    +1

    I think it will depend on your spending/saving habits and level of income.
    If income generation is equal and spending habits are similar it makes sense to have a joint account.
    If there is a large disparity in income generation or spending habits are very different, having a joint account may cause unnecessary friction in your relationship.

    I've been with my partner for 20 years and we have two children together. I earn in excess of 10 times her income (both work full time). I tend to save everything I earn, and she spends every dollar she earns. So for us it has always worked very well for us to have separate accounts. She pays all the small week to week bills (groceries, childcare, etc) and then anything she earns above this she can spend how she likes. That way she isn't wasting everything she earns as she's already paid for everyday living expenses. And I pay for pretty much everything else as you'd expect. Cars, houses, insurances, large expenses anything more than $1000. And everything I earn above this goes to paying down debt on our investments or put into new investments. We consult over all the larger purchases that I play to make (investments etc…) but she doesn't need to spend any further time thinking about it other than the initial research into each expense and then the financial side I take care of. We've never had an argument about money.

    My best friend was in a similar relationship. With a large disparity in income despite working similar hours. They were adamant from the outset they wanted shared accounts and proceeded this way. They divorced after 4 years of marriage shortly after the birth of their first child… reasons cited : money… Very sad. He felt very taken advantage of, because despite earning almost 7 figures annually, had very little to show for it. He claimed his partner would do most of the planning for travel, home improvements etc, but she spent everything they earned and he never had anything left for investments. So after 4 years they were no better off despite all that income. Easy come easy go mentality? Who knows…

    So I don't think there is a perfect solution that fits all. It'll depend on your particular circumstances.

    • Omitsukasa on 19/11/2019 - 09:02

      I thought you were being sarcastic at first.

      Can't help but find it odd that one half of a couple has nothing and the other has a lot. Childcare isn't exactly a small expense.
      The cars, investments that you pay for- whose name is it under?

    • cyrax83 on 19/11/2019 - 20:46

      10 times her income? What the. Are you CEO of Telstra?

  • RolandWaites on 19/11/2019 - 01:17

    Just lie to your spouse about how much you earn, and deposit the remainder to a secret account.

  • Buckshot on 19/11/2019 - 10:25
    +2

    My Wife and I earn Similar amounts and everything goes into a joint account.
    I now manage the bills and budget.
    When we were first married, she had issues with my debt (which was fair enough)- it was about 5k.

    I'd taken out a loan for a car and not understood how to use a credit card properly which meant I accumulated some debt on that. I'll chalk that one up to experience- moving out of home young and not understanding how to live within my means. I learnt my lesson, paid off my credit card and vowed to never get into bad debt again.

    Regardless, We used to have pretty tense arguments about Money.. she was worried I'd blow all her money on things (she'd seen others in her family do that) so was hesitant for us to share resources. She'd also had the benefit of living at home until we moved in together where her parents had paid for virtually everything which I think complicated the argument as it was easy for her to save. She had an issue with paying bills on time, I paid my bills on time but didn't have as much money.
    It took missing two or three payments on our mortgage because she hadn't transferred her contribution into our joint account to hit the tipping point. I was beyond frustrated. That was what it took for us to finally move to a full joint account.

    Anyway- several years later, the trust is well and truly there but it took a while to get to that point.
    Everything goes into the transaction account and we manage it from there- putting extra payments on our mortgage, saving some and investing some.

    I recommend pooling resources- it simplifies things in my experience.

  • miicah on 19/11/2019 - 11:26
    +4

    When we first started living together, it was a process of collecting all the receipts, dividing it by two and I would pay what I owed. After a point, we gave up on that and just started using a shared CC and a joint account.

    As someone else pointed out above, they are your spouse, not a housemate.

  • capslock janitor on 19/11/2019 - 14:23

    Both dedicate some % of pay to a joint account

  • cyrax83 on 19/11/2019 - 20:39

    What the… how bizarre. You are married. One joint account and all money and expenses come out of that?

  • pooman on 19/11/2019 - 22:01
    +1

    I pay for everything. Wife is free to do what she wants with her money. Such is the world we live in.

  • Ghost47 on 19/11/2019 - 22:07
    +2

    If you earn similar income you should go 50-50 into a joint account that goes towards housing, food, childcare etc. Then 50% of your own money to spend on yourselves.

    50-50 was just an arbitrary split, maybe it'd be 60% of each person's pay, or 70%. Simply based on the fact that you both earn similar income. I'm surprised you pay for "common expenses" that sounds selfish af on her part.

  • ely on 19/11/2019 - 22:30

    Wife has only just started working again part time after ~8 years not working, so we have no real cash in any personal accounts. Both pay income in to the mortgage, pay everything on credit cards, redraw to pay bills. I guess you could say that we're paying all expenses in proportion to our relative incomes.

  • RogerSyd on 20/11/2019 - 15:05
    +2

    Wow.. so many interesting viewpoints on this thread. I will definitely think over the different suggestions. As many of you pointed out - communication is key and there is no single solution for everyone.

    • bobwokeup on 20/11/2019 - 16:01
      +1

      This is true and honesty is just as important. Plus as an Ozbargainer the account should be offset to maximise the benefits ;)

  • John678 on 21/11/2019 - 00:04

    One account is a recipe for disaster. Seperate accounts of course as it’s the responsible thing to do.

  • Camm90 on 22/11/2019 - 19:37

    I'll be in a situation where my partner and I will have to work out how to organise our funds.
    I personally believe in seperate accounts for personal spending, with a joint account that will be used to pay for shared items, such as bills, food, etc
    . Though, I am happy to have two seperate accounts, with the transfer of money owed to whoever pays said expense.

    In my situation, i'll be buying a house outright and I will have a substantional amount of money. My partner has a minimal amount of money to their name as they have only recently started working again. They also spend a lot more than me on miscellanous items. I wouldn't feel comfortable having a joint account.

    Just have to find what works for both of you, as everyone and every relationship is different.

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