Hello. I recently broke up with my GF. We lasted 7 years but grew to resent each other. Even though I initiated the break up it is still an emotional (and traumatic?) thing for me to be going through.
I need to relax on a hot beach and be alone. What is the cheapest deal to get some good sun and drink until it rises? Flying from Melbourne. International, within our borders, I'm not fussed. I think I only need a 5 day break to unwind and get back to normal.
Thank you!
Is it the season for long term breakups?
No idea if there's any real statistics, but yes break ups etc. occur (imho) more often immediately before the holiday season.
to save on presents!! is ozbargain!
Anecdotally it's true - I think a combination of holidays being when couples spend more time together, making plans together, meeting family and becoming closer/more serious, all of which would prompt people to think harder about where the relationship is and where it's heading. That plus more free time (time off work etc) giving people the time and energy to do something about it.
And presents too - those are expensive yo.
@HighAndDry: Love and statistics… Have you seen the short film Less Than One, by Arturo Perez ?It shows a couple in a fight where the girl asks her boyfriend if he believes in soulmates. Mathematically exploring the chances of her finding the right guy, the answer turns out to be…well, spoiler alert less than 1.
Here's a link to the film. There's also an algorithm that helps you calculate your chances of meeting your soulmate depending on where you live.
@[Deactivated]: Not sure if you’ve heard Tim Minchin’s “If I didn’t have you”.
@try2bhelpful: I've seen him live a couple of times. I quite like him.
The year I was introduced to my wife, I was offered a scholarship to complete an MPhil in Theology at Cambridge. I thought I saw something in the orderliness of the universe, in its comprehensibility…
If I hadn't met my beloved when I did, those 3 little people who call me "Daddy" wouldn't exist. Instead, there would be a whole lot of other people calling me "Father" :)
P.s: Didn't Tim Minchin write a ballad dedicated to a man of religion? Brilliant rhyming in that one.😬
@[Deactivated]: If you haven’t seen it already see the special they made about him just as he was beginning to break.
My favourite Christmas song is “drinking white wine in the sun”. It makes me cry everytime. I come from a reasonable sized family, and glad of it, I’m an orphan now, and lost my oldest brother to a motorbike accident, but I’ve still got the rest of my brothers and sisters so it takes the edge off.
BTW, just because you became a priest didn’t, necessarily, mean you wouldn’t have kids, ya know!
@try2bhelpful: But it was only when I met her,
That 'love' knew it was called 'Love' .
And when I lifted my eyes to her name,
suddenly her heart showed me my way.
I was lost no more.
My God was in fact a Goddess.
:)
This graph explores the likelihood of breaking up throughout the year. It was made by measuring the frequency of the words 'breakup' or 'broken up' out of all Facebook status updates on each day for a year by a British journalist.
I'm interested to see how much you save in your weekly budget.
Likely heaps because she nagged for fast food a lot. However now I'm paying the rent alone so who knows?
Nagged for fast food? Certainly not wife material. Odds on she would have been a chubber (or on her way to being one). Imagine her being a mother to your children and not preparing a fresh meal every night. She would probably buy McDonalds for dinner and give your kids crisps for lunch. You dodged a bullet there mate.
A huge one at that.
Yeah your future partner should be a proactive, healthy and responsible cook and making you want to cook and end up teaching you.
Shows that they are partner material.
As much as I want a partner that will get Domino's/kebabs/Thai/Subway with me every night that cannot be good in the long run.
Maybe you want to reread your post from the perspective of your own potential partners.
@try2bhelpful: Absolutely nothing wrong with these blokes having high standards for themselves and future partners. From what's written in their posts they are even concerned with what their future kids will be eating. Bravo.
@OBEY YOUR MASTERS: If these blokes are so concerned about what their kids are eating why aren’t they cooking instead of expecting their partners to prepare a “fresh meal every night”. However, I do hope they start every new date with the above comment: it will probably save both parties a lot of time.
@try2bhelpful: For once we are in total agreence. Identify partners with negative traits nice and early and move on. It will save you a lot of frustration in the long run.
Absolutely nothing wrong with expecting your partner to have good household skills and to take care of the the kids properly. Most blokes I know can knock out a good meal no problem whatsoever, the ladies: not so much. No excuse for female laziness. If she doesn't do her part then give her the boot and move on.
@OBEY YOUR MASTERS: I must've missed the study that shows that men are doing the majority of the house work. However, as I said "go for it". Start with "I expect you to not put on any weight and to make a fresh meal for my children every day". If the woman stays around then she knew what she was getting up front; and too many people don't. I would hazard a guess that you, and I, have vastly different views on what is important in a partner and what constitutes lazy; however, best of luck in your quests in life.
@try2bhelpful: Sorry but I'm not willing to tolerate unethical behaviour towards my kids just for a pretty face. If that kind of thing is ok with you then yes, we do have very different standards.
Let's face it, the ladies will not tolerate many kinds of behaviours from men, so why should it be any different for us? Why is it not ok for men to express their preferences in relationships? Why do women tolerate abysmal behaviour by their "sisters" in order to protect the group as a whole?
As far as my quests in life I would rather be single than co-habitate with someone who wasn't on the same page as me. Life has much more to offer than 2nd best.
@OBEY YOUR MASTERS: Frankly I’m more interested in the intellectual and the ethical, than anything else. If you saw my dear partner you would see that a “pretty face” is not high on my list. Frankly, the “ladies” tolerate a lot of behaviours from the men. If you, actually, looked at my post the issue was that the poster insisted that the partner provide a freshly prepared meal, for his kids every night, and that the partner wasn’t allowed to put on any weight. My issue is if you want your kids to have a freshly prepared meal, every night, do it yourself. If a woman had made those comments you would be screaming blue murder about “why isn’t she doing it herself, they are her kids”. I think I’m as far from the “pretty faces” comment as you can get because I didn’t mention appearance at all. So why does he get to insist that she does it all, it rather than he do it himself; why is that unethical? Isn’t it ethical that he look after his own kids? I don’t think it is abysmal behaviour to expect an equal partner, do you?
As I indicated, if you tell women these are your views then they can make up their own mind ASAP. If they don’t like it they can leave and they haven’t wasted their time. I don’t see how that is unethical either. Not sure why you object to that; women have a right to make their own choices on who they date and set their own criteria. However, a guy who isn’t willing to share the load should be off the radar as far as I’m concerned. I, also, object to a rigidly controlling one who doesn’t tolerant occasional ”treats” in life, either. A freshly prepared meal, EVERY night? Please! Fortunately, I haven’t had to settle for second best in life, I have a wonderfully tolerant partner who understands life is just messy sometimes.
@try2bhelpful: No, the ladies do not tolerate (a lot of) behaviours from men. They initiate 70-80% of divorces with the main reason stated as "dissatisfaction". I'm not sure if you've ever tried being in a relationship with a woman but "tolerant" is not the first word I would use.
Nobody is insisting that she does it all? I'm not sure where you are getting that from? He never insisted that she prepare a freshly cooked meal for them every night. The OP's post stated that she nagged him for fast food on a regular basis.
I don't particularly care what arrangement the man and the woman have with each other as to who makes the meals on what frequency. If the man makes 100% of the meals and the women brings in the money then so be it. I don't understand what the obsession is with housework like it's some special case. Let's face it, it's pretty easy all things considered.
Yes, state your views UP FRONT. Listen to how they respond. You will soon know if they are quality or not.
I'm sure your partner is very tolerant.
@OBEY YOUR MASTERS: “Nagged for fast food? Certainly not wife material. Odds on she would have been a chubber (or on her way to being one). Imagine her being a mother to your children and not preparing a fresh meal every night. She would probably buy McDonalds for dinner and give your kids crisps for lunch. You dodged a bullet there mate.”
- This is a direct quote from the comment I was responding to. I wonder where I got the idea from? Why do you get quotes, like the this, and nobody bats an eyelid.
Do you understand why women initiate so many divorces, they are sick of guys who don’t pull their weight in the relationship, but it usually takes a while to get there. The absolute beauty, now, is women are able to earn their own money so they don’t need to depend on a man anymore, the problem is they aren’t seeing the reciprocal take up of home responsibilities by a bunch of guys. (Not all guys, I have to say that don’t I because, god help if I try to generalise like “some” men do.) If housework is so damn easy then why aren’t men doing their fair share?
I made a simple comment that.
“Maybe you want to reread your post from the perspective of your own potential partners.”
And people start going nuts and saying I’m unethical, what a joke.
Yes, my partner is tolerant, but so am I. We both understand that we are fallible people and not robots. We understand when something is important and when it can slide for a while, but we never hid this from each other, we both knew what we were getting from early on.
@try2bhelpful: Yes, if he is referring to her making a fresh meal every night without exception then that is probably unreasonable. We can agree there no probs. Again, it depends on the agreed division of labour.
No I certainly cannot understand why so many women push for divorces. Guys who don't pull their weight in relationships? What a joke. What is it that you do for a living? Does it occur in an air conditioned building? Have you ever tried erecting roofing in the middle of bushfire season?
Yes I understand women can now earn their own money thanks to men inventing, manufacturing, transporting and servicing the technology required for women to do so. If anything the last 50 years have been a giant middle finger to men and all of their efforts to make women comfortable.
So go ahead women and assert your freedom. Go ahead men and assert yours (oh wait that's still coming).
@OBEY YOUR MASTERS: “Imagine her being a mother to your children and not preparing a fresh meal every night.” Not sure how else you can interpret that line other than “her preparing it”, but please, go ahead. However, I love the “agreed division of labour” you think is implied in the comment. You are a nifty dancer, I will give you that.
I could go through chapter, and verse, as to why women don’t have freedom, or equality, yet, but you don’t want to listen so why bother. But it is funny how women have suddenly got so much more brilliant over the last 100 years so they can now do complex mathematics, be surgeons, engineers, scientists, etc. Maybe we are evolving into men? It can’t possibly be we are beginning to get a few breaks so we can show what we are capable of, surely not. Has that taken some enlightened men to help, you betcha; I, freely, acknowledge that. However, it also took a fair few unenlightened ones to deny us the vote, to stop women going to university, to toss women out of their jobs when they got married, etc.
My partner and I are heading towards a comfortable retirement because we both have studied and both worked our arses off in our jobs. We also, both understand that sharing the load on the home front lightens the burden on both of us. We’ve never bothered to get married because our commitment to each other is reinforced every day, so no divorce. We say please and thank-you to each other a lot; we don’t “expect” anything as a right. He understands that equality means he didn’t have the pressure to keep a job he didn’t like because we both put bread on the table: however, we also both baked it.
As I said in the post that seems to have started this caravan.
“Maybe you want to reread your post from the perspective of your own potential partners”. How do you think the average female, potential partner, would respond to your last post? All I ask is you show them this post on the first date so they know what they are getting.
My man knows exactly what my views are, and has from day one, and I would have no trouble expressing them to anyone else I dated. Why would I waste my time doing otherwise.
Have a happy life mate,
@try2bhelpful: I am a nifty dancer yes. I have learned a few lessons along the way. But you are a nifty dancer too.
You do understand what division of labour is don't you? Women historically spent a lot of time pregnant and looking after the children, men faced the dangers of predators, hunting and keeping other predatory men at bay etc. Choosing a bad partner of either gender was bad news. There was no time for modern notions of "equality". We all did our job or faced the consequences. Times have changed because men made it so.
I never said women aren't smart cookies but they tend to blame their failures on men. The glass ceiling, the wage gap blah blah blah… If you want to do something then just do it. We live in a time where all the information is at our fingertips. If you can't achieve it then you weren't capable of it in the first place.
The common man only got the vote in exchange for agreeing to be put through the grinder in war should the need arise. The vote was simply given to women because they wanted it with no such stipulations. A lot (probably majority) of women at the time did not want the vote due to fear of the draft.
It depends on what time period, but women could own property (or whatever) usually until marriage. After that the man was expected to shoulder ALL financial burdens for the woman and children regardless of circumstances. He could legally be punished if he wasn't forthcoming. Not much has changed in a lot of ways.
I think the average woman would respond in the typical manner. In-group preference. But I don't worry about such things these days. I tell the truth consequences be damned.
@OBEY YOUR MASTERS: We’re back to my original comment; just say all of these things when you go out on the first date so the lady knows what she is getting into. The more I’m seeing your comments the more I’m seeing the truth of my statement. Rather than set you off further I will just leave you to your little “truth” bubble.
@try2bhelpful: Yes, I have no problem with that as I have already stated many times. From my truth bubble to yours: Goodnight.
@OBEY YOUR MASTERS: "thanks to men inventing, manufacturing, transporting and servicing the technology required for women to do so. If anything the last 50 years have been a giant middle finger to men and all of their efforts to make women comfortable."
lol mate, go read a history book. War was the biggest driving force of women coming into jobs that were otherwise previously restricted from them in the time.
@OBEY YOUR MASTERS: As you say, "We live in a time where all the information is at our fingertips."
I'd start with the suffragettes. Women were literally treated like children.
Yes, men were morally expected to provide financial support to families.. but what was to stop a man just upping and leaving, NOTHING. The murky waters of the law often had no way to track them down, and really, how could it be enforced. Put a man in prison then he has absolutely no way of providing. See the issue here?
Men at this time basically owned their wife, children = property. As a women or child you were completely at the mercy of the whims of father/husband/brother. Scary shit.
Point being, it is NOT thanks to men inventing, manufacturering, technology making jobs more 'comfortable' for women to 'earn their own money'. Women did the same repetitive, physically labourous and dangerous jobs as men during war time, and if you read into the suffragette movement, even outside of war time the working class women and children did dangerous and labour intensive jobs same as men, and were paid less for it! (laundering, radium girls, coal)
There is no imaginary giant middle finger aimed at men lol
You will always save more on food, utilities, and other small stuff that add up, than the extra rent you pay.
Other small stuff includes:
“We need a new fry pan because our one doesn’t cook evenly”.
“We need new genuine filters for the Brita water filter every 3 months -no we can’t use the existing ones for longer”
“Can I have a $30 gym hula hoop to exercise in front of the tv”
“Let’s go to Costco…”
“Can you drive me to work everyday this week?”
“We need to go to the Tulip festival…”
“Let’s go and watch Maleficient 2”
“I need a garment steaming iron (normal flat head irons don’t iron well)”
Head to Bali, sit on the beach and drink some beers. If you head down to the same beach folk a bit you'll end up paying less there than in the shops. Have been some pretty cheap flights lately. Accommodation wise you can go as cheap as you want, but you can jump into a pretty nice resort for $70-$80 a night (maybe less if you go there without booking and negotiate)
Head to Bali, avoid the scammers, beggers, street hustlers, gronks screaming "motorbike, scooter" and ladies screaming "masaaaaassage" and head straight for the resort, sit on a private beach (not the ones covered in rubbish with all the thieves) and end up paying similar to Aussie prices for drinks, but get way better food for the price.
Not a bad idea though, I just felt you had to be more specific.
Fly to the Gold Coast. Single bloke's wet dream for a week away.
More laid back? Fly to Cairns or Bali.
Want to go really nuts? Fly to Mogadishu. Weather is nice right now.
Want to go really nuts? Fly to Mogadishu. Weather is nice right now.
According to google, I would recommend a tour
Is Mogadishu Safe 2019?
Independent travel will most likely result in your death.
I like those odds
Come to think of it, isn't it schoolies on the Gold Coast now/soon? You don't want to be a toolie, maybe Mogadishu is a better option.
Independent travel will most likely result in your death
That is one way of stopping the pain of a broken heart.10/10 would not recommend.
Fly to the Gold Coast. Single bloke's wet dream for a week away.
My friend wants to know more.
Beaches, sun, cheap high rise apartments, clubs, plenty of the opposite sex, plenty of travellers/tourists/newly located so easy to meet people, plenty of parties, plenty to do.
Just never move and live there. Many make that mistake.
Nice how cheap are the cheap high rise apartments nowadays?
Why would you not want to move and live there if that is all you want in life?
Not saying that is all I want in life but for others it might do.
@AlienC: Because it's actually a shithole. You just don't notice on a party weekend. Let the retired rich boomers, bikies and druggies have it to themselves.
@Typical16-bitEnjoyer: What if I am moving from a place though with retired rich boomers, bikies and druggies and more :)
Then it would be a bonus yes because now I have plenty of parties and plenty to do :)
@AlienC: Then you're basically trading places - more sun, great climate, more eye candy in exchange for poor job prospects, poor housing market and higher crime :)
@Typical16-bitEnjoyer: I will take more eye candy over all of the above yes please :)
I am done looking at the "eye candy" I have currently around me thanks.
Plenty of other stuff to do on the gc other than partying.
A few days in Pattaya and your ex will be but a vague memory
Get yourself up there and be treated like a Big King!
Been there and am keen to go back. If not for the beach, the ping pong shows.
What is a ping pong show?
Why….
Then go. Your free man: you can do what you want now.
girls there will tell you in the bar 'i will rob you later '
rob just my heart and soul right? right? and not my $5?
Australia will be cheapest, of course but I'd look for something international to really make it worthwhile.
When do you want to go?
Lots of nice beaches in the Philippines if you can handle the craziness that is Manila Airport!
El Nido
Boracay (not sure how it is since the clean-up)
Pagudpud
Siargao
Coron
I have a couple of recommended special places I visit in Vietnam if you're interested. Good prices for a fellow OzBargainer if you use my referral code.
Go to Phuket and enjoy the beach and the bars ;)
5 day break to unwind and get back to normal.
5 days won't even be a drop in the bucket for the kind of recovery you're looking at, but it's a good start to get some space away from it.
I just need somewhere to relax that isn't my middle of nowhere country town.
Thanks to the internet you can be anywhere no matter where you are as long as you have access to the internet.
Strap on some headphones and either play a game or put some music on and just imagine where you want to be :)
Honestly it is a nice substitute when travelling is so financially and time expensive and energy draining these days.
Go Tinder
Sexbots and ghosting. Is all online dating like this?
Only if you're a guy. My gf before we became serious was still on the dating apps (not really using and mostly to show me for amusement?) and what those are like for girls is insane.
You are only meant to use it as an instagram/tiktok substitute.. and by that I mean window shopping and trial sampling ;)
Take that as you wish.
You do get some nice conversations with the very mature crowd though mostly just talk about your day and hurts..
I've upvoted the tinder suggestion because my experience was quite positive. It worked as a bandaid solution for a while after my wife and I separated.
I did Langkawi, Malaysia + Phu Quoc, Vietnam and lay on the beaches for 3 weeks
7 years of experience. You'll be much happier and better off in your next relationship.
Have a great holiday, it's a great way to get over it.
Plenty of Japan trips and info on these forums, you'll learn a lot about yourself travelling to somewhere with a language barrier.
Agree. No relationship is ever a waste of your time. If it didn't bring you what you want, it taught you what you don't want.
Budget?
A grand or less.
I swear there is another guy who posted similar thing, broke up after 10 years? Find him go out together hehe
Hire a model for a shoot with you and send pics to g/f
My advice would be to go on a holiday where you have plenty of things to do. I just came from Japan, loved it, so much to see and do, plus there are loads of deals on Japan right now.
You don't want to go on a relaxing holiday to beaches or something if it just means your mind is just going to go back to her/on the relationship.
Better idea - save your energy, save your time, save your money and just chill on a couch listening to Motion City Soundtrack with headphones and slowly move on with life which by that I mean replay every single moment in your head both the happy and sad for life for eternity..
I recommend this song to start you off.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSA7RypaOxk
But everything made my Motion City Soundtrack is all gold.
Stay strong my friend :|
Oooh this is better OP yes do this one instead :)
Why not just get some Thai massage or spa treatment? You can go with your ex.
Bali for the cheap 5 dorrah hookahs, after all this is Ozbargain.
I didn't know Australia's indigenous folk were in Bali.
Keep your bowels open station for a rest and recoup
https://www.exploroz.com/places/61881/wa+kybo
or
The pearl of the Pilbara …. mundabullangana
Nov is low season for all flights so I'm sure you'll find something if you're flexible with location and dates. Take a look at Skyscanners 'everywhere' option and drill down from there.
If you have a bit more to spend I would recommend Mauritius. Great beaches, great food, great public transport and one of the local languages is English. A week there is heaven. I would avoid mixing alcohol and sex, wherever you go, you might come home with a bad case of “souvenirs”.
However, I think you should join a gym and channel your emotion into exercise. Do some classes, because at least part of you needs to concentrate on what the instructor is saying. So you can’t “wallow”. You also need to process why it didn’t work objectively. If you come to your next relationship with “baggage” it might cost you that one. Nobody wants to hear someone trash their ex, because they wonder what will be said about them.
Best of luck with the process.
This Reddit will make men lose faith in humanity
Broome Western Australia, Busselton/Margaret River Western Australia, my parents have a beach house in Mandurah Western Australia if you like fishing ?
Look up "couchsurfing", head to any Aussie city with beaches. Stay for free, shout your host food and drinks. Might even get "something for nothing" if you catch my drift.
Sounds awful.
It's a young person's gig, or those perennially young traveler hippies. But OP said cheap. It is cheap.
Might even get "something for nothing" if you catch my drift.
An STI? 🤔
Look in terms of an STI I still say a free one is better than one you paid good money for.
I always say "if you're not willing to die for it, you don't really want it".
Usually people reply that they don't really want it…
if you're not willing to die for it, you don't really want it"
Or you know, use a condom.
Ps: what kind of mind-blowing sex is everyone having that they're willing to die for it?
@[Deactivated]: I don't know but I am dieing to find out.
Condoms… Everyone hates condoms. But I especially hate condoms. I know I know… My life is on the line… Doesn't make me hate them any less.
this is will only help you in the short term. it could take up to a year to be completely over it. after your holiday, start making up new routines, have new experiences and hangout with friends more. Sometimes when you're alone you might start thinking about it again, but you have to stop yourself.
NO NO NO… you need to get yourself over to Phuket Thailand and get amongst the exotic atmosphere had on offer specifically catering for the lone gent, such as yourself. This is the adult playground of the world. Live a little. You have your beautiful beaches, and at night, you have the wondrous exciting carnival atmosphere of the exotic, tantalising, and alluring nightlife.
What better way in which to forget the past than to have a beautiful young Thai woman upon your lap telling you how wonderful you are.
Do it… Dooo ittt… dooo itttt
Is it really that alluring when you know she's only being nice to you because you're relatively rich? It would be awful for me.
Why anyone would pay for sex is beyond me.
Yeah, just let your fingers do the walking.
Look for cheap flights to Syd, have a beer with Sowny?