First Baby! Find Gender - Yah or Nay

Realsteel on 08/08/2019 - 22:00
Last edited 08/08/2019 - 22:11

Hello all!

We have a baby due in 6 months time which we are really excited about! It’s baby number 1 for us so it’s uncharted territory. I have been talking to the mrs and she is not keen on finding out the gender of baby! Myself, being the sticky beak wants to know!

I was talking to a colleague at work and she suggested that I should listen to the wife and let it be a surprise. I understand we can have a situation where I can possibly find out and my wife stays in the dark! I just wanted to reach out to the community and get some comments and thoughts on the above. You know the pros and cons and just your experience if you have been there.I have set up a poll as well. Thank you.

Poll Options expired

  • 103
    Yes
  • 83
    No
Toys & Kids

Comments

  • [Deactivated] on 08/08/2019 - 22:04
    +22

    You don't need to find the gender. It will choose for itself when it decides what it wants to be.

    (Seriously though, yes. If you're curious now it means you want to know. There is no harm in knowing.)

    • Realsteel on 08/08/2019 - 22:17
      +5

      Yes, the deed has been done and gender has been chosen by nature!

      • [Deactivated] on 08/08/2019 - 22:18
        +17

        Ooo. I smell hate speech.

        • [Deactivated] on 09/08/2019 - 17:38
          +1

          Minor correction.

          Sex isn't developed by chance as it is not developmental. Dimorphism happens later but chromosomal XX vs XY happens at fertilization.

          Semantics to most, technical accuracy required for some.

      • bringbring on 10/08/2019 - 18:47
        +1

        And nurture!

    • serpserpserp on 10/08/2019 - 20:06
      -6

      It can choose to be genderless too.

  • spackbace on 08/08/2019 - 22:07
    +2

    Yes - names, room colours, clothes

    Don't just go gender neutral 😉

    And others get excited about it whether it's a girl or boy. If you don't know they don't get as excited I reckon

    • Realsteel on 08/08/2019 - 22:16

      Mate, I am in the market for a car! Now, this is going to sound like a cliche even though I don’t want it to. I am looking for a SUV 😝! Been driving the rusty old Toyota for the last 10 years which hasn’t missed a beat! The new hybrid RAV4 any decent?

      • dylanando on 08/08/2019 - 22:17

        Kia Seltos is looking mighty fine

        • Realsteel on 08/08/2019 - 22:28

          It does look quite sharp!

        • Boshait on 09/08/2019 - 10:38
          +6

          That's a terrible baby name.

      • [Deactivated] on 08/08/2019 - 22:19
        +2

        Only if you buy it from Spackbace.

        He picks out the freshest ones in the yard.

      • spackbace on 08/08/2019 - 23:04

        Yeah it really is but wait time is out to 4-6 months. If you want it for baby, don't wait much longer!

      • hadronox on 10/08/2019 - 16:14

        Toyotas have amazing reliability. if you plan on driving it another 10 years without missing another beat i recommend going with them again.

        Scotty kilmer another car vlogger guy highly recommends toyotas/rav 4's too.

        (i know this isnt the car you are chasing but it showcases toyota philosophy)
        (at the 9min mark - essentially toyota does heaps more reliability and durability testing than rivals.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jbyzmtgU_0 )

  • John Kimble on 08/08/2019 - 22:13
    +8

    Happy wife, happy life?

    • Realsteel on 08/08/2019 - 22:18
      +1

      You make a good point! I know first hand not to start an argument with a pregnant lady! Have had to walk around egg shells during the first trimester!

      • Kangal on 09/08/2019 - 00:38
        +1

        Since it looks like you're finding out the sex of the child, my suggestion would be to have a short list of three boys names and three girls names ready by the due date. You never know, sometimes what looks like a boy/girl on the ultrasound may not be.

        And if you happen to have a pink bedroom and clothes, that's not a big problem. But if you planned on having a girl, but realise its actually a boy and you haven't prepared a name yet, that would be more daunting.

        • FoxJump on 09/08/2019 - 07:37

          In case of triplets
          ?

          • Kangal on 09/08/2019 - 14:15

            @FoxJump: No, in case you settle on "Callum" but the baby looks more like a "Jack" Murray.

    • [Deactivated] on 08/08/2019 - 22:20
      +1

      Oh rhymes. I love this game.

      Happy husband, no one gives a flying…

  • dylanando on 08/08/2019 - 22:14
    +4

    We just had our first baby, yay lol. But it was quite obvious ours was a boy early on. I don’t know how people last the whole pregnancy without knowing, half the fun was shopping for him.

    All I can say is have a digital kettle and a rocking chair!
    Good luck!!

    • Realsteel on 08/08/2019 - 22:23

      Hope all is going well your end! Yeah, shopping does sound like fun! I know there was a thread earlier on about what to buy! Noted the digital Kettle and the chair! We do have to make a shopping list!

    • John Kimble on 08/08/2019 - 22:48

      What do you mean it was obvious?

      • dylanando on 08/08/2019 - 23:00
        +3

        not gonna lie, if I wasn’t told by the sonographer I wouldn’t have looked twice but after being told the penis is quite obvious.

        • John Kimble on 08/08/2019 - 23:25
          +4

          Oh good…I thought you were going to say some crap about belly position/shape, cravings etc

  • cloudy on 08/08/2019 - 22:33
    +1

    We knew our boy was a boy from the beginning, but it honestly does add to the fun and excitement to find out when they come. So I reckon you should run with your wife, speaking from a husbands point of view too :)

    • Realsteel on 08/08/2019 - 22:38

      Yeah, I understand what you mean. We both feel it’s a girl! Don’t ask me why!

      • Ozpit on 09/08/2019 - 09:32
        +2

        You knowing and the missus not? Nah, don’t go there.

  • YTW on 08/08/2019 - 22:35
    +11

    I've never understood why people want to postpone the surprise to the birth - there's enough going on at that point and it means you don't get the fun of doing as much prep beforehand.

    But the key words in your workmate's advice were LISTEN TO YOUR WIFE.

    She's got the misery of pregnancy and birth. She gets the last say. I promise, she is way more invested in her decision than you are. Until she maybe isn't. Just roll with it. If you do find out and she doesn't want to know, you'll accidentally let it slip at some point and she'll hate on you for it (pregnancy hormones combined with 24hr discomfort make things seem WAY bigger than they actually are).

    As much as it feels like forever, you'll soon have a baby in your arms and know what their sex is, what they look like and just how awesome they are.

    • Realsteel on 08/08/2019 - 22:40
      +4

      Tbh, that is exactly what got me thinking hence I started this poll! I figured she is doing the heavy lifting so maybe she gets to have more of a say!

  • Some Guy on 08/08/2019 - 22:49
    +5

    There's fewer and fewer opportunities in life to be genuinely surprised so why take one away? There's absolutely no downside to not knowing. You'll still have the same amount of fun choosing a name, clothes etc - just a bit later on. And, depending on your race, not knowing the gender increases the likelihood of the child actually making it to labour.

    Or be one of those self-absorbed a-hole types who throw a gender-reveal party with a pink/blue cake or balloons or something similarly inane. But only do that if you're sure that everyone else is incredibly interested in the gender of your unborn child. Put it on Twitbookgram anyway, just in case.

  • bdl on 09/08/2019 - 03:14
    +6

    No need, but make sure to reserve an Ozbargain username

    • Realsteel on 09/08/2019 - 09:10

      Yes, registering that first thing. Even before naming the baby. Better get in early!

    • Realsteel on 09/08/2019 - 09:02

      There are a number of tests done these days and there is an option to to know the gender if we wanted to go down this path.

    • geoffs87 on 11/08/2019 - 00:06

      NIPT test will list whether your child has two X chromosomes or an X and a Y.

      Simple fact is if they have XX they are a female, if they have XY, they are a male. That is genetics.

      What happens down the track is I suppose up to them, but at birth they have one of the above chromosomal Markers which determines their sex.

      Sorry, should mention in rare cases there may be additional X or Y chromosomes, they are syndromes, not variants of gender.

  • onetwothreefour on 09/08/2019 - 06:37

    If you want to know then find out what it is, she doesn't have to be told.

    I've got 4 kids and we both knew what they would be before they were born.

  • pegaxs on 09/08/2019 - 07:09
    +3

    Who cares if you find out now or when it is born? You can’t change it. And all these excuses like “but I need to paint the room” or “but we need to buy clothes” and the eternal favourite “but what about a name, we need to pick a name!” are all just that, excuses. These are the same type of people that like to rattle Christmas presents or “just tear a corner to have a peek”. Finding out about the gender now is more about “instant gratification” than it is about “setting up”

    I didn’t find out the gender of my first child, didn’t pick out a name and didn’t paint any rooms. Even got caught with our pants down when she got here 6 weeks early and we coped just fine. A day old child doesn’t care what it’s name is, what colour it’s room is or what clothes it wears. There is more to worry about than the stress of if you put a blue race car jumper on a little girl.

    But I will say, if a pregnant wife says they don’t want to know, don’t find out behind her back, because you will let it slip and an angry pregnant woman is not fun. What to do instead is read up on all the wives tales about guessing gender using stupid methods, eg: wedding ring on a string over her pregnant belly, and have fun with it. Once you know the gender, all that guessing fun is gone.

  • slow on 09/08/2019 - 08:08
    +2

    Personally I can't understand why one wouldn't want to know, if the information is available. What is the point of waiting 5 months for a surprise, when you can have the surprise now? We found out as soon as we could.
    But to each their own

    • Omitsukasa on 10/08/2019 - 15:53

      Feels a lot different. Imagine asking someone what they're getting you for your birthday, vs opening up the birthday present on the day.

  • ShortyX on 09/08/2019 - 08:34

    We had 3 kids and did it differently for each - the first we found out and told everyone, the second we knew but didn't tell anyone and the third, we didn't know until he was born! :)

    I think it's good to know for the first as you receive boy or girls gifts (clothes/toys) at the baby shower.

    All the best!

  • Skramit on 09/08/2019 - 08:54
    +2

    Speaking from experience with my 2 kids. We waited and kept it a surprise and it was the best feeling ever to find out the gener at birth when the obs hands you your son or daughter for the first time.

    Its seriously worth it.

    Finding out on a scan or piece of paper isnt the same IMO.

  • tallkid123 on 09/08/2019 - 08:54
    -2

    Where is the 'Don't Care' option?

    Also, what do you mean by pros and cons? One way or another, your wife is having a child and the only con is if it doesn't come out healthy?

    • Realsteel on 09/08/2019 - 09:04
      +1

      "pro and cons" were loosely used. what i was trying to understand was arguments around knowing and not knowing. More so interested in general experience of others who have had to make that decision.

      • tallkid123 on 09/08/2019 - 12:26

        Friends of mine had their baby last week.
        I asked if they knew the sex.
        They said, 'We don't care. We just know it will be healthy'.
        Hence why I asked where the 'Don't Care' option is.

        • HighAndDry on 09/08/2019 - 12:43

          Because there is a thing called planning ahead…

          • Omitsukasa on 10/08/2019 - 15:57
            +2

            @HighAndDry: Plan what? Names, color of clothes, color of walls?

            Can think of both boy and girl names in advance. Color of stuff is just meaningless. So girl has to have pink, and boy blue? Just go with something that looks nice and don't make any color decisions based on gender.

    • CtrlAltSpoods on 09/08/2019 - 13:29
      +1

      The "Don't Care" option is to press back and don't vote..

      Believe it or not, you actually don't have to participate in every poll on OzB.

      • tallkid123 on 09/08/2019 - 14:06

        Believe it or not, you should probably read my follow up comment explaining a 'Don't Care' option.

  • Ryanek on 09/08/2019 - 09:03
    +2

    Find out straight away so you can start looking for nappy deals.

    • hey aj on 09/08/2019 - 09:38
      +1

      As a single bachelor living a very luxurious lifestyle with zero knowledge on babies… TIL there are boy and girl nappies? Is that what you are saying?

      • Ryanek on 09/08/2019 - 09:55
        +2

        Yeah mate, the absorbent layer is generally lower in girl nappies :)

        Enjoy that luxurious life while it lasts!

  • GG57 on 09/08/2019 - 09:09

    Surely, IMO, you would want to share the amazingness of birth together as parents, and enjoy that whole experience as a couple. If your wife doesn't want to know the baby's sex, don't do it.

    Names: have a couple ready for each sex, but you don't have to name your child immediately after birth

    Shopping, paint, etc: Don't worry about it. If you have the basics to get you through the first 3 months you will be fine. Most parents will have the baby sleeping in the parent's bedroom which gives time for decorating, if you want to. Baby's don't care what colour clothes they wear.

  • Mattmattmatt on 09/08/2019 - 09:12
    +2

    I never understood people saying that finding out would "ruin the surprise" as it's a surprise whenever you find out.
    One of the reasons I'm glad we found out early is that the birth was a bit rocky and I don't think we would have really got any excitement from finding out the gender then, given everything else going on in the moment.
    I know couples who have one knowing in advance and the other finding out at birth and it worked fine. You'll have to judge how well you can keep it under your hat.

    • [Deactivated] on 10/08/2019 - 09:14
      +1

      Doc: He looks healthy.

      Parents: "He?" Great. We didn't know. Well, another 7 months of pointless waiting now. It's all ruined.

  • GourmetFoodie on 09/08/2019 - 09:23
    +1

    Personally I felt more connected during the pregnancy after knowing the gender and I loved being able to prepare everything knowing the gender. Gender neutral clothing is so boring!
    I've also been told that finding out the gender after the birth is not the TV moment you might anticipate as you are so exhausted and overwhelmed from what you've been through that it's the last thing you really care about by that point! It's not like they necessarily hold up the baby and say "it's a boy!"… usually they are checking all baby's vitals immediately and god forbid if something was going wrong there is no way you'd be worrying about the gender then.

  • HighAndDry on 09/08/2019 - 11:19
    +1

    I understand we can have a situation where I can possibly find out and my wife stays in the dark!

    This is the absolute WORST idea. Whatever you do, DON'T do this. Because invariably you'll let it slip directly or indirectly ("Honey, why are you picking out pink baby bedding?"), and your wife will hate you for it.

    • pegaxs on 09/08/2019 - 13:12
      +1

      OP talking on the phone: "Yes, I'm so excited… I can't wait for him to get here… Oh… Sorry??"

      Wife: "dafaq did you just say???"

  • bamzero on 09/08/2019 - 11:27
    +1

    Just remember if you decide to have one of those gender reveal parties that no one else really cares about it as much as you, so make sure you're serving booze at least :)

  • Prasadsanj on 09/08/2019 - 11:56

    There is actually no need to know the gender, let it be a surprise as you wife wants it. It's your first child.
    We too did the same with the first one but not with the second one.
    You will get ample time to buy stuff and get things ready. For the first 6 months the baby just feed and sleep.

    All the best!

  • Taro Milk Tea on 09/08/2019 - 12:13
    +1

    It's just way much easier to know the gender. I love the aspect of surprise, but I also think its easier to manage if you already know the gender from beginning (in regards to preparation etc)

    • dlakers3peat on 10/08/2019 - 15:35
      +1

      I would love to know how knowing the gender prepares you any better than somebody that doesn't.

  • spackbace on 09/08/2019 - 12:41
    +2

    It's always something that will divide people, and depends on how the birth goes. Nice easy birth - yeah you don't mind finding out then when baby is put in your arms. Tough birth - mum could be out cold after the birth due to surgery or something, not find out the sex for a few hours.

    We took a few months deciding on a name for 2 out of 3 of ours I reckon. I certainly wouldn't want to make that decision in 1 day or so at the hospital. Not to mention my ex (the kids' mum) and my family got excited about finding stuff for each baby.

    We also had the unfortunate situation where a daughter was born at 26 weeks and only survived for another 4 weeks. Finding out about her sex at the same time as finding out about the early birth would've been more difficult I imagine. Not that there's a perfect situation there anyway.

  • lainey13 on 09/08/2019 - 23:58

    Just depends how much you actually care about the gender, and if you care to experience the gendered expectations society places on it a little earlier.

  • tin tin on 10/08/2019 - 11:56
    +2

    Finding out at birth is the most amazing moment and you actually have some exciting news to tell people, other than the boring specifics like their weight.
    Looks like it wasn't even possible to tell gender before the 70's. I think there is something cool in the surprise that generations have been experiencing for thousands of years.

  • dlakers3peat on 10/08/2019 - 15:34
    +1

    I have talked 3 couples out of finding out what the gender is before giving birth and each one could not thank me enough for taking my advice. The feeling of not knowing and then seeing the baby come out is indescribable.

    People who tell it's better to know so you can be prepared is garbage. There is no advantage what so ever in knowing what the gender is before giving birth.

    We have 3 kids and did not find out for either of them.

    • Dancasper on 10/08/2019 - 17:56

      Agree, did the same for our two.

      My wife and I were sure our second was a boy because the baby was so active. When SHE was born it was the most awesome surprise, it felt like JOY^2. :)

      In regards to "preparation" - you're having a baby, it wont matter whether the baby has a pink or blue beanie, socks, room, etc. You're anticipations / expectations about parenthood are blown out the window in the first 6 months. Nothing goes to plan or how you expect it will go and it goes on as they grow older.

  • mousie on 10/08/2019 - 16:37
    +1

    What exactly is gender these days.. aren't there about 60 variants…

    • Blue Cat on 10/08/2019 - 17:22
      +4

      Yes, OP should feel bad and report to the local thought-police center to turn himself in for 2 years of jail time.
      Also so selfish (and oppresive!) of OP and his wife to decide on baby's gender THEMSELVES! No different from the patriarchy running the government and making all women wages lower than men.
      Advice to OP: let the baby decide it's own gender instead of making him feel bad that someone else has decided their\xeir\it's gender. Your oppressive behavior could produce a big childhood trauma on the newborn!
      It's 2019, for Pete's sake!

      • Windows98 on 10/08/2019 - 17:55

        Very progressive. Glad to see this on OB.

  • Seaeagles on 10/08/2019 - 17:04
    -1

    Of course you should, gives you a perfect excuse to have a BBQ and do a big burnout with Blue or Pink smoke in front of family and friends.

    With our eldest, my partner wanted to find out but I wanted a surprise on birth, lucky for me the doctors couldn't tell during the ultrasound because of the position of the babies legs at the time.

  • downhillar on 10/08/2019 - 17:43

    I was in the same boat as you about 2 months ago. We decided to find out the gender but we have kept it a secret between the two of us. I found that now I feel like I can really connect with the unborn baby now because I can actually imagine life with it. Your mileage may vary but I am much happier now that I know :)

  • Neptunesblood on 10/08/2019 - 18:08
    -1

    Who cares

  • factor on 10/08/2019 - 18:14
    -2

    Soon enough you won't have time for decision paralysis. Do either, splitting hairs.

    Just hope you aren't in the 1% or so suffering stillbirth or neonatal death. Or the host of other congenital problems limiting life. Rare problems aren't so rare.

  • bmerigan on 10/08/2019 - 20:31

    We thought it better to know and plan (colours, name) ahead of time. There's enough surprises headed your way.

  • [Deactivated] on 10/08/2019 - 21:10

    Let something for the surprise.

    I've got 2 boys, we didn't know but we suspected, you know belly up/down/pointed etc :)

    It felt really nice to shout/post/say … "It's a boy!" It really is.

    Also family and friends bets are fun!

  • kaleidoscope on 10/08/2019 - 23:04

    what advantage would you get by not knowing it? Your baby’s gender is decided at conception, not at birth. You may accidentally see it during ultrasound and it’ll be an awkward moment should you decide to keep it a mystery… Baby shower gifts too will be either gender neutral or wrong type…

    Congratulations on your upcoming bundle of joy and all the best 😃.

  • beefmaster on 10/08/2019 - 23:19
    -2

    You will (at least your wife will) find out the gender before birth. When your wife visit the doctor there is way to find out, heart beat rate is different between boy and girl, is inaccurate but some doctors believe it is. Other way is ultra sound, position the scanner correctly and you will see the baby genital, is really either have it or not have it ;)

  • idonotknowwhy on 11/08/2019 - 00:26

    When does the betting start?

  • moggott on 11/08/2019 - 08:29

    We let our first be a surprise and then knew for the rest.

  • gimme on 11/08/2019 - 08:40
    -3

    Should I name my left ballsack? What has the world come to?? Crowdsourcing personal decisions. No wonder kids are screwed up these days and parents burnt out

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