Can mental abuse cause deterioration in intelligence?

Unknown1 on 07/04/2017 - 23:37
Last edited 10/04/2017 - 02:40 by 1 other user

Hello,

Recently, I suffered an episode of vital exhaustion brought on from continuous verbal abuse from family members. The episode consisted of depression, isolating myself from the outside world, headaches, and calling myself stupid over and over again (24/7)*.

Before Episode:
Received high grades for previous university semester (Engineering), was confident that the new semester was going to be a breeze.

Right After Episode:
Held the notion that my spelling, punctuation, mathematical ability and cognitive functioning had diminished.

Doubted I'd had the aptitude to finish university and nearly dropped out.

Current University Semester: Receiving failing marks in all of my subjects. This is strange as I've never received a failing mark before and this is my second degree./

So is it possible for mental abuse to cause a deterioration in intelligence**? and so what are is the advice for overcoming such a condition?

*Abuse is along lines of insulting my intelligence by calling me special needs. Please keep in mind that I'm yet to be diagnosed with anything besides depression and anxiety.

**Interested, because this is either a real problem or one made up in my head.

Sorry for all the grammatical mistakes, remember I'm not operating at 100%.

Mod: Just a reminder, that if anyone is experiencing or knows someone who is experiencing mental health issues, please see the mental health wiki to find help.

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Comments

  • resubaehtgnolhcs on 07/04/2017 - 23:52
    +25

    Wouldn't you be better off seeking professional help, rather than coming to forum? You can seek help from a GP, they can refer you to a specialist.

    • Unknown1 on 08/04/2017 - 00:19
      +13

      Yes, and I've already seeked professional help. Only posted to see if others went through a similar experience.

      • Scrooge McDuck on 08/04/2017 - 10:30
        +12

        Only posted to see if others went through a similar experience.

        Your experience is stereotypical of certain ethnic cultures which are prevalent in Sydney universities. And the stereotype seems to be based in fact. So you're not alone in that regard.

        I myself was subjected to similar abuse. The way an individual handles it depends on their resilience, self-esteem, how they value the abuser's opinion, etc.

        So is it possible for mental abuse to cause a deterioration in intelligence**? and so what are is the advice for overcoming such a condition?

        *Abuse is along lines of insulting my intelligence by calling me special needs. Please keep in mind that I'm yet to be diagnosed with anything besides depression and anxiety.

        **Interested, because this is either a real problem or one made up in my head.

        Depression and anxiety are not trivial conditions and can definitely cause the symptoms you're experiencing. So my best advice is to seek therapy from medical professionals to treat those and to develop skills to handle your relationships.

        Please understand that a problem in your head is a real problem that needs a real solution.

      • Earl of Lemongrab on 08/04/2017 - 19:05
        +2

        Okay, so first thing is first. Your intelligence hasn't deteriorated.

        Secondly, your Auntie sounds like a toxic person. Why not phase her out of your life? When she comes over, go out with friends, find a hobby, watch a movie.. do something productive.

        She doesn't sound like someone who will change for your benefit. By all means, seek professional help to strengthen your mind.

        However at the end of the day the people who are toxic to your life don't deserve the luxury of your presence.

      • Mitchel on 09/04/2017 - 10:14

        But, you will also have the support of people in similar situations.

        I know that the constant pecking from my wife doesn't help my mental functions.

        Glad/sad to not be alone in this.

  • greenplastix on 08/04/2017 - 00:21
    +7

    Mental and physical health are related, so not surprising it is having an impact on studies. If you're suffering exhaustion, your retention and comprehension levels are bound to be low, hence the marks. That said, uni was definitely the worst years of my life as I hated studying and was abnormally tired, though my average wasn't brilliant, I still did above average.

    BTW, as you Asian? The sayings you quote are awfully familiar. I get called "special needs" by my Mum a lot and then there's those sayings "If a person's stupid, there's no medicine to cure them" and "uni, can't be that hard. Everyone else is doing it".

    I guess, don't take it personally. It's a strange cultural way of showing support. That's despite Mum not ever having gone through higher education. Words of wisdom to take with a grain of salt.

    • Unknown1 on 08/04/2017 - 01:16
      +6

      I'm not an Asian. However, I can still connect with those sayings.

      Regardless, in my case it's not my mother.

      Instead it's a very cruel Auntie, who seems hell bent in convincing the entire family I'm stupid.

      This is ironic, because it's her daughter who dropped out of a Bachelor of Arts.

      Along those lines, one of my aunties famous quotes was:

      "Why don't you get × sisters to do your essays, it's the only way he passed university."*

      Her response after my cousin announced she was dropping out of university.

      *They didn't.

      • Scrooge McDuck on 08/04/2017 - 09:57
        +5

        Instead it's a very cruel Auntie, who seems hell bent in convincing the entire family I'm stupid.

        Why do you think she behaves that way?

        • altomic on 08/04/2017 - 10:27
          +14

          Why do you think she behaves that way? ^^this

          "aunty, whilst you seem to focus on my academic pursuits ( and I'm doing my second degree] why don't you focus on your daughter? do you think your attack on me is a distraction from, and denial of, your own sense of personal failure as a parent? whilst your sibling has produced a child that is now doing their second degree? and you're trying to bolster your own self esteem in the face of failure when your child has dropped out of doing an arts degree?!! Do you feel the need to belittle your nephew in front of the rest of the family because your parenting style has produced a uni drop out".

          aunty - insecure, envious of her siblings childrens academic achievement, embarrased, hostile, feels like a failure as a parent, fustrated by her own daughter (who probably gets the same treatment you did -and is probably sick of it/sick from it as well), can't cope with all that and lashes out by belittling those who she thinks are an easy target. basically, she's a bully.

          How about you talk to your cousin? maybe you have a lot in common with how the aunt treats both of you?

        • Unknown1 on 08/04/2017 - 11:25

          @altomic:

          How about you talk to your cousin? maybe you have a lot in common with how the aunt treats both of you?

          That would be an correct assessment, both my cousin and myself experience low self esteem. The daughter experiences low esteem, due to her own mother criticising her body image both behind and in front of her face. This was especially apparent and damaging during the daughters teenage years.

          So take from that what you will.

      • sintro on 08/04/2017 - 23:17
        +3

        Instead it's a very cruel Auntie, who seems hell bent in convincing the entire family I'm stupid.

        This is ironic, because it's her daughter who dropped out of a Bachelor of Arts.

        Let's see through her bullsh!t and mental manipulation.
        She's obviously doing it deliberate to screw you in the head for this exact result because she wants you to fail because of the lack of success of her own daughter.

        If she's so smart suggest that she try studying Engineering? It's one of the tougher university courses out there and requires your time and attention + focus and concentration and she is definitely using her words to take that away from you. Don't let her. Take Your Power Back. Say NO.

        Read Chapter 1 of this book (only 2 pages), it will empower you.

        "The definition of freedom is the infinite value of the human being. The definition of evil is the destruction of freedom. Everything that is evil teaches people that they have limited value. …"

      • [Deactivated] on 10/04/2017 - 09:39

        Bikies? ;)

  • Sage on 08/04/2017 - 00:30

    If you're a grown adult, it shouldn't.
    But the mind is very complicated, and I'd say it's totally possible for stress to affect ability to function.
    It's also possible that the work is just objectively harder too.

    I'd say there are 2 issues to address.
    For the poor study results, just keep trying and believe it's possible.
    For the family causing anguish, above comment is probably a good idea. Having someone to talk to can clear up the meaning and value of what's happening, and how to approach it. They might even have people at your uni that specialise in mental wellbeing and can understand how it can affect studies.

    • Unknown1 on 08/04/2017 - 00:46

      The objectively harder subjects was a theory I've previously considered.

      This theory was disregard as most of my subjects this semester are supposed to be easier*.

      *Completed a higher level maths course than the one I'm currently attempting.

      The other courses are no more than just first year courses rehashed and repackaged.

    • MessyG on 08/04/2017 - 13:50
      +8

      Not true - anxiety due to any cause (and abuse is anxiety inducing), impairs ability to concentrate and lay down new memories, even as adults. This continues up until death.

      • Rick Sanchez on 10/04/2017 - 18:35

        *continues until you heal up and reduce the anxiety to normal levels

        • MessyG on 10/04/2017 - 19:00
          +1

          Good point, I meant it can happen at any point in your life.

    • scrimshaw on 08/04/2017 - 14:10
      +1

      Adults are just as prone to mental breakdowns due family or domestic abuse.

      That is why we have psychologists who are still in business.

    • Illian on 09/04/2017 - 13:48

      Wow dude, you know nothing about mental health and probably shouldn't have commented.

  • altomic on 08/04/2017 - 00:34
    +12

    The introduction of negative self esteem through external influence introduced cognitive dissonance. where previously you "automatically" operated now you are questioning/doubting.

    it's like if someone were to naturally walk a tightrope with no problem, and then one day someone yells at them and says they are going to fall and die. the walker might have never thought about it but now the concept of doubt is introduced (i.e. a conscious negative thought where previously none existed). The tightrope walker might then think about the warning and rationalise it as "yeah, that may be true but I have been tightrope walking for years and have never fallen, and I am always practicing so therefore I am only improving and thereby why would I fall now?".

    it's not a case of just thinking it once and every thing is well again. it is a process of rationalising the negative away.

    I took some extended leave last year. when I returned some procedures and policies at work had changed. I started doubting myself. my personal rationalisation were "I've done this job for nearly 10 years and I knew it backwards and forwards so learning these change is going to be easy" , and "the core business strategy has not changed, it is just the process that has changed, so I've still got the same target" , and my favourite "other people are doing the job and I've proved I can do the job and
    I'm as smart as them".

    TL:DR - in your head. you had good marks previously. shit has gone down. you're feeling the impact now (temporarily) .

    source - I'm a qualified psych

    • Unknown1 on 08/04/2017 - 00:55
      +10

      Cameras are not my expertise, so I have no shame about that post.

    • TheOneWhoKnocks on 08/04/2017 - 18:04

      Smh. Have a neg champ.

  • airal3rt on 08/04/2017 - 00:49
    +2

    Focusing on it or attempting to diagnose yourself with a "deteriorated mental state" will only exacerbate the problems, if indeed you have any. Remove yourself from the situation and try not to dwell on it.

  • Diji1 on 08/04/2017 - 00:55
    +3

    It depends what you mean by intelligence but yes, absolutely. If a person experiences long term stress such as continuous abuse this leads to anxiety and depression.

    When a person experiences anxiety the body undergoes an automatic process commonly known as the "fight or flight" response. When this automatic process happens the body literally has the same response as to a life or death situation and the front parts of the brain actually largely shut down. The front part of the brain is where thinking happens so when this response happens you actually cannot think rationally ie intelligently.

  • iridiumstem on 08/04/2017 - 01:15
    +2

    Talking to a psychologist for a help doesn't sound like a bad idea. There are researches that do look into such relationship. One that I quickly Googled does say that with treatments, the performance IQ gets better. I am kinda relying on their summary though. There was another article that suggested that it might be because of neuroplasticity and the relationship of that with stress and depression.

    Anyways, good luck and stay strong.

    http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/01688639208402828

  • [Deactivated] on 08/04/2017 - 02:52
    +8

    Please see your GP and get yourself into some sessions with a psychologist.

    Sounds like your family have a destructive, unhealthy impact on your life and wellbeing. I can relate and see a psych to help balance me out again and stop me from falling into the traps of believing the criticisms thrown at me constantly by family.

    Best seek help sooner rather than later. The longer they have a crushing effect on your self esteem and entire sense of self, the harder it gets to repair.

  • PJC on 08/04/2017 - 03:05
    +6

    Your IQ is the same as last year, but you are upset because you are sensitive. One cannot really be aware without sensitivity. Accept your Aunt's approval is comprehensively worthless, even if she showered you with gifts.

    Seek an opportunity to tell her extremely clearly, in front of family members, to —— off and mind her own business. You will feel much better about yourself.

    Many years ago my father-in-law was offered the position of Chairman of a large Australian hospital. His own mother wrote to the hospital that his education was inadequate for the position. He did not speak to her for 5 years.

    • EightImmortals on 08/04/2017 - 08:27

      Wow, I've heard of Twisted Sister, but twister mother?

      • PJC on 08/04/2017 - 11:10

        I've just checked with my wife. It was Bankstown Hospital, soon after it was built.

        • jaybmate on 08/04/2017 - 13:21

          Did he still get the position or was the offer withdrawn?

        • PJC on 08/04/2017 - 14:35

          @jaybmate: The offer was withdrawn. He didn't discourage his children from speaking to her, but he would not.

        • mac2403 on 08/04/2017 - 15:50

          @PJC: They actually took her word for it? That seems quite unusual!

        • PJC on 08/04/2017 - 16:52
          +4

          @911r: They may have done. She told him about the letter after the withdrawal. My wife doesn't know much more about it.

  • ihbh on 08/04/2017 - 07:16
    +1

    The key is if the impact is short term or long term. Studies have shown that if a teacher is told her class has low IQ before teaching, they get poor grades; on the other hand, the same class told they had high IQ's, got high grades.

    Has the abuse stopped? Can you remove yourself from the source? Irrespective if they are family or not, no one should have to put up with that abuse.

  • EightImmortals on 08/04/2017 - 08:22
    +1

    The answer is 'yes it can'. Take note however that your mind is not your friend and will do all in it's power to diminish or destroy you. Also take note that 'you' are not your mind. Space doesn't permit too much of a lecture here but plenty of guides out there can help you. (Try Mooji on youtube for starters). But in your particular case your mind has latched onto some words and ideas that your idiot aunty is trying to lumber you with. Now you'll never be without the world's idiots, the trick is to just ignore them and let them walk their own path. When they see they can't touch you they will move on. The same goes for your mind, you can learn to control it just as you can control an arm or a leg instead of having it control you. So next time this woman is trying to poison you just tune her our, realise that she is a dark place herself and DO NOT hold onto anything she say to or about you. There is a whole other path that people can walk but most don't even know of it's existence.

    (p.s., don't forget to laugh. Look up Christopher Titus on the web and get some of his shows if you can. His upbringing and family makes yours look like champions so he might have some stuff you can relate to to help bring you back. :) )

  • [Deactivated] on 08/04/2017 - 08:52
    -5

    Cmon OP :) it's only your aunt. She might have a competitive complex trying to ensure the biggest screwup in the family isn't her daughter…but she's still only your aunt. I don't think a large proportion of society would take any notice of a snide aunt. I have a self-aggrandising aunt that's pretty funny in her need to one-up. The thought of her actions affecting my life is ridiculous. Your aunt is just jedi mind tricking you. Laugh at it if you can, or completely ignore her.

    • Baebs on 08/04/2017 - 10:51

      Current University Semester: Receiving failing marks in all of my subjects. This is strange as I've never received a failing mark before and this is my second degree./

      Yeah, this is totally something to laugh about.

      • [Deactivated] on 08/04/2017 - 12:46
        -2

        I find humour in many places, including your inability to understand context in adjoining sentences and the self-validation of italicised virtue signalling. Hilaire.

  • ihbh on 08/04/2017 - 10:55

    Op, can you take time to reflect and tell us if anything else has changed this semester?

    E.g. have you dropped the ball with studying/attending lectures (possibly due to the verbal abuse)?

    • Unknown1 on 08/04/2017 - 11:09
      +1

      Sure:

      Experiencing panic attacks both during and outside of exams.
      Missed an entire week of University, because I was too depressed to attend.
      Thinking "I'm stupid" or "Cannot do this question" during an exam.
      Brain freezes where I'm unable to concentrate or think.
      Handing in an exam (10%) with only half the questions answered, I ran out of time!.

      • ihbh on 08/04/2017 - 11:47
        +1

        Changing your frame of reference might help:

        Can mental abuse cause deterioration in intelligence -> Can mental abuse cause deterioration in performance

        Using an analogy…

        Your intelligence is like the engine of a car. On a freeway with no traffic, it can go very fast. However, if there is fog that blurs the driver's vision or there is a traffic jam or the driver's phone is ringing while they are driving, then these distractions and impediments will affect performance. Once these things clear, the car can continue on its way like before.

  • Worf on 08/04/2017 - 10:58
    +11

    To answer your question: Mental abuse is a risk factor for depression, anxiety and stress. Depression often has a detrimental impact on attention. But even sub-clinical levels of depression / anxiety / stress can affect attention. Attention is a building block of cognition - you have little chance of learning / achieving if you are having difficulties with attention/concentration.

    See your GP and get a referral to a Psychologist. A Mental Health Care Plan will allow you to access up to 10 medicare subsidised sessions with a registered Psychologist. Alternatively, you may have a student Psychology Clinic at your university where you can access affordable Psychology sessions with a trainee Psychologist (i.e, Masters or DPsych student).

    Therapy goals might include to reduce negative self-talk, assertive communication skills (to deal with your family members), increase concentration in classes, etc.

    Therapy itself will involve an assessment, formulation and exercises to achieve therapy goals. You can expect some psychoeducation, relaxation strategies, self-compassion exercises, cognitive restructuring and other behavioural activities (e.g., engaging in valued activities, physical exercise). the direction of therapy will depend on the formulation and the theoretical orientation of your therapist. CBT / ACT / mindfulness-based CBT are safe options.

    You should see some progress within 6 sessions - but most likely earlier… depends on severity and chronicity of your presenting problem.

    good luck!

    PM me if you want more details. I might be able to point you in the right direction.

  • kywst on 08/04/2017 - 11:07

    So is it possible for mental abuse to cause a deterioration in intelligence**?

    Sure is if you subscribe to the notion that intelligence is learned/acquired. This can be due to decreased motivation among other reasons. It won't deteriorate your innate abilities/intelligence though so once you get better you'll be sharp as a tack again.

    So what are is the advice for overcoming such a condition?

    See a quack. Find someone you trust to disclose your fears and insecurities. Get better :)

    You'll be alright OP. When you see your doctor make sure you tell them about your grades as they may be able to draft a letter to your university allowing special provisions to course completion etc.

  • Ahbal on 08/04/2017 - 12:24
    +1

    I have had similar experiences to you, however it not my family that causes it. My best advice is to study with friends who do the same subjects as you. Explain to them concepts that YOU understand. When they see you explaining things they don't understand, they will tell you how intelligent you are to be able to understand and explain these things to them. This will increase your confidence, and hopefully get you back on track. I know it's very hard, not saying it is easy. This method helped me quite a bit though, so I'm hoping it helps you out too.

    Good luck mate.

  • MessyG on 08/04/2017 - 14:00

    In your case it's pretty obvious why your Aunty is doing this, it's because she doesn't want you to succeed and show her daughter.

    Worf covered it better than I will but the good news is that of course you can overcome this and all the negative thoughts that go with it. It sounds like you're already doing the right things by organising a GP and psychologist. You need a really good support crew of people who are on your side, and if you can't tell, I live by the phrase "if in doubt, get out". Tell your teachers what is going on too (hard as that is). You'll find that the more you reach out the more help and sympathy you get (believe it or not!)

    You could also try https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome - but it does not in any way replace proper sessions and CBT with a psychologist and it's really important you do that. Doing CBT (and it's later iterations) with a psychologist absolutely sets you up for life and you'll be surprised how many people have been through it.

    Exercise really helps too, boxing, running, to physically bash out all that emotion.

    Good luck OP, many of us have been there.

  • [Deactivated] on 08/04/2017 - 14:10
    -8

    Correlation is not Causation.

    Don't dwell on mistakes and your performance should improve.

    Furthermore, lots of people who get HD in first year but barely pass in the second and third years.

    Statistics is a huge one where there is a big jump from first year to second year topics. Third year is well, another giant leap. Lots of people end up dropping out. There were only like 12 people in my class left by graduation.

    Unless you can tell us the exact course, we cannot diagnose the underlying problem; no one is going to know who you are anyway because there are thousands of students in Engineering, but it might give us a better idea of what course you are doing and whether you are just hitting a hurdle or whether you are just blaming it on your family.

    University is not easy, especially if you were one of those who went to coaching because that basically gives you the upper hand in first year, but after that, the material drastically changes. (Yes, lots of Europeans go to Coaching Colleges these days)

    Engineering is also a lot different from an Arts/Business degree. There is a lack of information given so I'm making assumptions.

    I have a dual statistics/mathematics and finance degree. The difficulty levels were totally different across the subjects.

    Also, don't become a Professional Student.

    That is just wasting Taxpayer's money…

    Are you sure you aren't just burnt out because you are now doing a second degree which might not even get you a job?

    I mean, it could be anything, just think about why you are so unhappy because I didn't let shit get in my way when I chose a Mathematics/Statistics degree.

    • Krizy on 08/04/2017 - 19:19
      +1

      https://xkcd.com/552/

      Mouseover text: Correlation doesn't imply causation, but it does waggle its eyebrows suggestively and gesture furtively while mouthing 'look over there'.

  • AlanHB on 08/04/2017 - 16:36

    I'll guess no, but think that your Aunty's behaviour has diminished your willingness to study, resulting in lower grades.

  • [Deactivated] on 08/04/2017 - 16:38
    +1

    Things/matters well-addressed by a duck, dinosaur, a Klingon, Molly G. Ringwald, and a likely-not relative of Bernard Tomic.

    Your auntie is doing the exact opposite of what loving and good Aunties do.
    Yours may just be a bitch and will be unable to stop herself. A risk - even were you to remonstrate with her, in kindly, but still forthright way. Just be aware of that as a possible outcome to you trying.

    Either way, pity her and move on in thought. Be prepossessed as you embrace self-perception. I won't say the "love yourself" cliché (spew).
    You sound alright and will do well.

  • Unknown1 on 08/04/2017 - 16:44

    @GreenDeerling

    "Engineering is also a lot different from an Arts/Business degree. There is a lack of information given so I'm making assumptions."

    The first degree was a Bachelor of Science (honours), and not a arts or a business degree.

    "Furthermore, lots of people who get HD in first year but barely pass in the second and third years."

    Because of my previous degree I've been granted a number of credits. Therefore, a majority of my semesters are comprised of first, second year subjects, and third year subjects.

    "Are you sure you aren't just burnt out because you are now doing a second degree which might not even get you a job?"

    Employment rate for my current degree is high, and thus unemployment was not a concern.

  • garetz on 08/04/2017 - 17:10

    How long is a piece of string ? Seek professional help.

  • kat123 on 08/04/2017 - 18:36
    +2

    Have a read of this:
    https://unapologeticfeminism.com/2017/03/realities-going-no-…

  • Krizy on 08/04/2017 - 19:16
    +1

    Actual intelligence is a negligible factor in your performance at university. Colloquially the word refers to knowledge, but whether being knowledgeable is going to help you perform better will depend on whether you're knowledgeable in related areas or at least analogous concepts. It's much more likely your performance is failing because of either a lack of focus in applying your present knowledge, or an inability to further your understanding during the course. Those two things, but mostly the latter, are what are important in preparing for and succeeding in assessments.

    You can get on fine while being 'dumb' if you prepare well, so don't ruminate over whether you have, do not have or used to have a natural affinity for or proficiency in your subjects. It's not nonsense per se, but it's unimportant in the big picture. Assume you're of average intelligence and go from there: why are you failing your subjects? From the context you've given it could be stress, but if you feel totally supported and safe in your environment then maybe you just need to take a multivitamin.

    Work with what you've got but consider the fact that you will be able to function better in a different environment. It can be scary to make a big change and you might even need to reduce your study load, but if you get back whatever it is you feel like you lost then you'll feel better immediately. Talking to a psychologist can help, but don't see a psychiatrist or go on any meds if you're seeking to reclaim some part of you that the stress in your environment is interfering with. There's no substance that can precisely counteract the effects of family bullshit.

    Do what it takes to graduate, get a good job and become self-sufficient — even if it means accepting help. You'll be fine.

  • BuyoTheCat on 08/04/2017 - 19:38
    +1

    I do not have much to add. I can only say a few things.

    Do not care about what she or anyone else thinks of you.
    Love yourself, believe in yourself. Those are the 2 things you need to hold on to when all else fails.

    There are times when even that is hard to do, but you are your bedrock.

  • sj2can on 08/04/2017 - 20:23

    OP, I had issues with my family situation, especially from high school through to Uni days. It got to the point where I was mentally drained and came down with Shingles @ ~ 21. I moved out. I didn't want to because of the $ component, but it was the best choice I ever made. Do it - move to a house with people of similar age to you and you'll be back on your feet in no time.

  • ajthanud on 08/04/2017 - 20:28
    +7

    My mum does this to me (I am Asian) and now that I have my own family. My husband and his family (they are causations) say this is verbal abuse from a bully. She has been telling my daughter that I am a bad mother and now my daughter is repeating her words. My husband and his entire family says that this is abuse of a minor and my mum is not allowed to be one on one with my daughter anymore.

    People who do the abuse / bullying are usually cowards so if you stand up to them and show them that they can't bully you anymore, they either go out of your life or stop the abuse.

    I would recommend that if you can, cut this person from your life as if someone really loved you, they would build you up not push you down.

    I understand that it is a cultural thing but why have the stress?

    In Australia we say that if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all.

    • Unknown1 on 09/04/2017 - 15:04

      Abuse of minor: This is exactly what set off my mental episode, with the minor being no other than my younger cousin, daughter to the devil herself.

      The daughter made specific assumptions about my intelligence, and was being a condescending little brat which she learnt from her mother.

      In the end having a six grader act superior and being abusive is a hard pill to shallow, especially for a person who was previously worshipped by his younger cousins.

      • Unknown1 on 09/04/2017 - 19:19

        In essence I'm worried that younger generation, due to my aunties influence, might start being condescending or abusive.

        • bluesky on 09/04/2017 - 20:30
          +1

          Don't be worried about the younger generation. What is the worst that can happen in the future, if they start being abusive as well? Go "no contact" with them? Who says you need to give them power over you?

          So, you sort of know what I am thinking, even with your auntie … if you can ignore and not let her affect you, do that. If not, have nothing to do with her. Go "no contact" if necessary. The article which kat123 posted above provides some profound truths.

          The people who have a mean streak, unsupportive, put you down, yet will not change, but continue with the abuse, should be excised from your life. It may seem harsh, but you have a right to the pursuit of happiness, and a life free of abuse. And you are responsible for your own well-being.

          OP, have faith, be strong, and you can overcome this.

  • Sunshines bright on 08/04/2017 - 22:25

    Can mental abuse cause deterioration in intelligence? NO!!!!!!

    but abuse can effect your mental health which in turn will have an effect on your ability to recall information.

    Your intelligence is partly hereditary

    "Researchers have previously shown that a person's IQ is highly influenced by genetic factors, and have even identified certain genes that play a role. They've also shown that performance in school has genetic factors."

    and partly environmental

    "Any strong emotion, fear, stress, anxiety, anger, joy, or betrayal trips off the amygdala and impairs the prefrontal cortex's working memory. The power of emotions overwhelms rationality. That is why when we are emotionally upset or stressed we can't think straight. The IQ points we need to thoughtfully consider decisions are depleted temporarily."

  • poppit88 on 08/04/2017 - 23:55

    Don't let so called 'family' members set you up to fail. Clearly you are smart, because otherwise you wouldn't have done so well in the previous semester and achieved good marks in engineering. Trust me, I'm not stupid, but I wouldn't achieve a pass in any engineering subject if my life depended on it.

    Having lived (possibly) a little longer than you, I've found that people (including family) who want to bring you down are individuals best steered well clear of! Essentially, they are jealous, bitter and insecure individuals who want to bring you down to their level.

    If you want my frank opinion, don't allow people into your life (anyone!) including family, who want to make you feel like you are crap and unworthy.

    Surround yourself with the following - positive thoughts and positive people. Ditch anything else - it will only bring you down!

  • FittyFitty on 09/04/2017 - 00:04
    +2

    Mate, I would tell the aunty where to go in very explicit terms; you don't need that shit…

  • panek on 09/04/2017 - 01:13

    No. You have more or less answered it yourself. You didn't become 'less intelligent', you began to doubt yourself; for what reason, I can't say (mostly because I'm not a mind reader). You are choosing to doubt yourself it seems. A choice easily reverted if you have the maturity to do so.

  • gorge on 09/04/2017 - 01:14
    +1

    calling myself stupid over and over again (24/7)

    this is 100% going to cause depression. you shouldn't do that.

  • Copt on 09/04/2017 - 01:53
    +1

    As others have commented, it sounds like a classic case of depression which can actually affect your memory and attention, as well as sap any motivation you have to do any work. In my exposure in clinical psychology setting, I have come across many people who feel like they have lost their ability to think properly or to make decisions - and are often left feeling that they're unable to do their jobs as they were able to before. This is all a direct consequence of clinical depression - which, coincidentally can be percipitated by a very stressful life event. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is see your GP and ask for a mental health care plan and ask if you need to be started on SSRIs if that isn't helping you get better quickly enough. Cognitive behavioural therapy is massively effective and can be done online through several mental health websites.

  • LustStarrr on 09/04/2017 - 02:57
    +2

    Anxiety, be it from current abuse or afterwards as a result of the abuse, can cause you to operate on fight-or-flight survival instincts rather than having the ability to think logically & clearly - it's an inbuilt mechanism to keep you alive when you are under extreme stress. In this state though, it can make it difficult to focus on basic cognitive tasks, which may be what you experienced.

    Source: I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) & have experienced similar.

  • Architectonic on 09/04/2017 - 09:28

    It won't affect your underlying intelligence, but it can temporarily effect your concentration, ability to perform and learn at uni.

    I suggest making an appointment with a counsellor at your university to speak about all this. My experiences with university counsellors has been very good and they're often much cheaper or free for students.

  • Findo on 09/04/2017 - 11:20
    +1

    Can you tell your Aunty to F off?

  • DiscoJango on 09/04/2017 - 11:58

    i can confidently say yes (Can mental abuse cause deterioration in intelligence), but the human mind is a powerful thing thing. something as simple as positive thoughts, instead of constantly being negative (eg the saying you are stupid 24/7) will change your mindset. only you can help your self. medications wont "fix" you, they are a temporary band aid fix. blaming others wont help either. once you accept responsibility for yourself and your life, it will sort it self out. easier said than done yes, but ultimately , if you want (positive) change, its upto you :)

  • darecool on 09/04/2017 - 12:57
    +1

    Despite my personal experience was not a mental abuse, it was a relationship breakdown which severely affected my mental health.

    My symptoms were easy grammatical error, frequently losing your train of thoughts, inability to focus to learn in uni, not making the most sensible solution.

    It really took a tumble on my uni grade and social life. I was not able to articulate my point completely as i lost my train of thought half way! And i had a very low self esteem.

    It was a weird experience because i am usually very confident, able to make the most logical arguments (in my opinion, anyway) and funny sociable person.

    I graduated uni with average scores after putting a lot of effort.

    But as i eventually moved on with life, finding new friends and getting a job, i was back on track to my usual self. Confident, easily sociable to people, performing well at work.

    My point is, you need to get rid the negativity that is damaging your mental wellbeing. If you are happy then you can be your best.

    In your case, you need to let her know that she needs to stop with her commenting. If that doesnt work, you may need to keep a very far distance from your aunt and avoid any interaction. May sound cruel as she is your family, but if she is not playing her part of being a family, then she will start losing them.

    Edit: I did see a psychologist to talk about my issues, i didnt find it most useful. But it was more of a cry for help. But after i did, i was able to bring bigger changes to life.

  • Gronk on 09/04/2017 - 13:43
    +2

    It's not your intelligence that's taken a hit, it's your self confidence.

    Your degree is designed to get more difficult as you progress, especially as you pass from 1st to 2nd to 3rd year because you're expected to become more self sufficient as a student and be able to find your own information rather than having it presented to you.

    Since she obviously has all the answers, why not try getting your Auntie to help you with a couple of exercises next time she's in the area. I mean surely she's not that stupid that she'd shoot her mouth off on a subject where she herself is severely lacking in knowledge.

  • ggrant on 09/04/2017 - 15:12
    +1

    My fam went nuts when I was in late teens due to religion entering thru a family members marriage.
    Much abuse went on.
    Years later I just left them all, 30 years ago. Never regreted the move.
    If it becomes that bad, like you'd advise a child or spouse abuse victim, just leave! I hope it's not necessary for you.
    I believe, intelligence doesnt change longterm, it didnt for me.
    Best ;-)

    Also, the new husband mentioned above was an indian-born ex-boxer. When he pushed me too far, I cornered him, and threatened him seriously to his face. He backed off.
    Not good advice, but it did improve the situation.

  • nodejs on 09/04/2017 - 15:30

    I hope you will find a solution to this, as things can go very bad very quickly, speaking from my own experience. Depression, being abused, isolation etc. can be indicators for an early-onset of cognitive impairment e.g. dementia.

  • ihbh on 09/04/2017 - 20:23

    Have you thought about avoiding the situation? Do you have to stand there to cop the abuse, or can you go elsewhere?

    Why don't you just ignore your aunt? You clearly have no respect for her, so why do you put so much weight on what she says?

    You might find Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People helpful. The first habit is Be Proactive - you are responsible for what happens in your life. You are response-able. You choose your response. Take responsibility for your life and stop blaming your aunt (not that I'm condoning her actions). If you keep blaming your aunt, your situation will only change when she changes. However, you can choose to change.

    Stop making a bit deal about your marks. It's all relative. To some people they are low marks. Just run your own race.

  • 30Something on 09/04/2017 - 20:42

    To deal with this kind of situation i have heard and some personal experience that below song helps

    https://youtu.be/zerCjxd9OgQ

  • Deadboy on 09/04/2017 - 22:15

    Anxiety,depression,physical pain can all have detrimental effects on your mind.
    If you feel you have had a dip in intelligence, this can stem from the mental issues your having.
    Anxiety can affect the language centers of your brain, making it harder to form sentences.
    Depression can affect your memory recall functions.
    Basically its all rough. Do your best to distance yourself from toxic elements in your life.

    Speak to your GP as soon as possible. If you broke your arm you would see someone,this is not so far removed.

    Make small improvements, one step at a time.

  • aussieprepper on 09/04/2017 - 22:54
    +1

    Yes metal abuse can lead to metal fatiguing which leads to a deterioration in intelligence once your office chair breaks and you hit your head.

  • [Deactivated] on 10/04/2017 - 00:26

    Worf has written a terrific post.

    In summary your Auntie is successfully sledging you during academic studies ie (causing you to break your concentration)

    You need the mental weapons/tools to defend yourself and if so desired to go on the offensive. Worfs plan is excellent and I wish that many many people that I have met where aware of this simply sounding but very potent mental health plan. It's heavily subsided by the Australian government through Medicare because it's a massive problem in Australia, this is reflected in the large number of replies to your post.
    Speaking to a student advisor may also catch you a break with your GPA.
    It's appalling that your family is allowing this to happen, as it would not be tolerated in the workplace , at school, at work (except in the Australian cricket team!) nor in marriage, that's something which could also be explored with you mental health plan

  • Moderatorneil on 10/04/2017 - 02:39

    Just a reminder, that if anyone is experiencing or knows someone who is experiencing mental health issues, please see the mental health wiki to find help.

    • ggrant on 10/04/2017 - 10:05

      Really must advise against letting the government into your life in this area, if you can manage another way. Many people regret this in reality. Including F&CS getting control over your children, and various other such government control over personal life.

  • cameldownunder on 10/04/2017 - 11:59

    This is a simple to explain Phenomenon: ( I'll use an example on myself )
    * The person who abused you mentally was a person who you respect? Your Mother, your father, your brother? You have/had high esteem for them?
    They told you you are stupid, that you will fail, that you won't succeed?
    —> To not disappoint them, or prove the wrong, or dis-spell their "forecast" you are changing your behaviour and unconsciously fail yourself.
    Once you know why you are doing what you are doing you can counteract those things.

    My Example: My wife always had that grin on her face when I went fishing, as to say, I know you won't catch anything. Unconsciously I dint want to disappoint her, or prove her wrong, so i did a lot of stupid mistakes and went fishing where there were no fish. With the result that I did not catch anything.
    Once I realized that, I told her not to make any "stupid" comments when I was about to leave for fishing, I stayed with my initial plan of where and what to fish, and made sure I did not let myself be distracted by my subconscious. The difference is notable.

  • Biance on 10/04/2017 - 18:59

    Hi OP, I'm certainly no expert but as many others have said, it sounds to me like the abuse and it's after-effects are affecting your ability to study and to perform rather than your actual intelligence.

    Performance at uni very much doesn't equal intelligence or ability.

    I did very bad for a long time in a course and then was kicked out. After a semester off and changing to a different course with a completely different mindset I came back and did extremely well, top of the class.

    I think it is really easy to get stuck in a failing mindset and despite how much you think you are trying and putting effort in you are somehow sabotaging yourself. Being halfway through a semester with a really bad start can't be putting you in a good position to get back on track.

    Especially as you have been diagnosed with the depression and anxiety, and it sounds like you have been speaking to a professional about your episode, I strongly encourage you to get into contact with the support services at your uni. You might have to talk to a few different people to find someone who can help you - it might be the student services, the guild or the equity office. But there will be someone at your uni who can help - maybe they can make special allowances for you, or can direct you to workshops that can help.

    Because your poor performance has been limited to just one semester it really might be a good idea to look into a retrospective withdrawal on the basis of your episode and the depression/anxiety. This would clear the bad grades from your history and refund the fees. It might be a good idea to take the rest of the semester off to get your head together and start again next semester rather than following down your current trajectory.

  • [Deactivated] on 11/04/2017 - 01:05

    Yes

  • MiniatureDino on 20/04/2017 - 16:14

    My condolences to you. I really feel sorry for you to experience such a harsh behavior from none other than your own family members. This is seriously a very difficult situation to suffer. May I ask your age? Why don't you shift from your parents home to somewhere else (if you are 18+ and able to survive alone)? Or is there any place where you feel comfortable in? Do they do this mental abuse every day or very rare?

    Now that you have already sought professional help and I believe that you might be taking some anti-depressants or some other medications prescribed by your doctor. What you should do is to change your lifestyle along with it. My advice is that you should try to indulge yourself in activities which demand full concentration and do not let you think about whatever you have gone through recently. Try to spend most of your time outside your home with friends.

    Set a routine following which you have the least contact with your family. For example: Get up early, go out for a walk in fresh air at a park or so, cook breakfast for yourself, go to university, when all your classes gets over then spend your time in library to study hard, listen to some music to get a break out of studies, hang out with your friends, get back home at evening and start working on your assignments/projects, cook and eat dinner and go to sleep. Let me know if it works.

  • PJC on 20/04/2017 - 17:57

    Any progress OP?

    • Unknown1 on 24/04/2017 - 12:08
      +1

      Slight improvement in mood.

      Academically I'm still a disaster, so after this semester I'll either take a break from University to sort my life out or leave indefinitely.

      Discontinuing university even for semester is problematic, as the amount of abuse from this woman before she could justify her actions was unbelievable and discontinuing University will give her justification for her abuse.

      Furthermore, more abuse from such a disgusting person will be heart break considering that last time she abused a family member to such an extent it ended tragically.

      So to answer the question, slight improvement to the point one might expect.

      • PJC on 24/04/2017 - 12:31
        +2

        It is good to learn there is some improvement. I suggest you acquire the habit of not reacting. She wants you to react. Your reactions reinforce her premise that her offspring are superior but unappreciated. Discontinuing university will certainly please her. Are you trying too hard to be academically perfect? It is not your duty to be perfect. Be who you really are - that does not limit you.

        • Unknown1 on 24/04/2017 - 13:38
          +1

          "Are you trying too hard to be academically perfect?"

          Before the incident my academic performance at University was fantastic, and I never really put effort into studying or completing assignments.

          What's changed?
          During the first couple weeks of the incident I was unable to perform the most basic academic tasks including spelling simple words such as "Minute" and "Salary". Sadly, I'm still struggling to spell simple words which I knew prior* to the incident. So, if I'm unable to preform such trivial actions such as spelling imagine what else has changed.

          *Syntax and spelling is critically important in my degree.

      • bluesky on 24/04/2017 - 14:13
        +2

        Discontinuing university even for semester is problematic, … and discontinuing University will give her justification for her abuse.

        Dear OP, do what you believe is best for you, whatever it may be. This woman may be nasty etc, but you also have a weakness, which is caring about the opinions of others. Don't be disheartened, this is a very common weakness, we all have it to some extend or another.

        If you can see this as an opportunity to address this weakness of yours now, it will serve you well throughout your life. You will encounter others in future who may, or may not be as nasty as this person, but as long as you have this weakness, you will be open to hurt from others.

        Once you decide logically on a right course of action, keep believing it is right, irrespective of all the psychological games this person might play with your mind, to sow doubt and confusion. You must believe in yourself.

        Good luck!

      • PJC on 24/04/2017 - 15:07
        +2

        Accept who you truly are and accept who your Aunt truly is. Your Aunt has no genuine respect for you, so you cannot deserve or earn what she lacks, regardless of your achievements. In the world inside her head, the purpose of your existence is to prove she is right. She is the victim. She is also the victim on behalf of her offspring.

        She managed to upset you and get you to react. Presumably your defences were down because she is family. Cease reacting outwardly, cease reacting inwardly, and observe how matters gradually improve.

        You cannot solve a problem on its own level. First, you must rise above it. Then you may see who really owns it.

  • weezlebub on 24/04/2017 - 15:13

    No time to read through all of this, but I'll add my 2c from a perspective of having gone through anxiety and depression post relationship failure …

    The low self esteem can make things feel dull and make everything seem cloudy, almost like being under water … I could go on, but I'm sure you're aware …

    Resolution is a tough one, I tried a range of prescription medications as advised by doctors (antidepressants of all families, beta blockers, etc)

    What worked for me, i took dexies for a week, got really motivated, achieved enough to make me feel like i was productive and proud of myself, then stopped and continued with the productive activities to keep myself busy and maintain the velocity

  • Paul871 on 07/05/2017 - 13:30

    Your intelligence can't really diminish based on verbal abuse. However, abuse will often lower your self-esteem so that you won't be able to reach your true potential and do your best any more. I think it is very important to believe in yourself in order to reach your potential. I am talking from experience, although it might not be the same for everyone. It is very important to understand that the abusers have no right to affect our lives, but I know it is difficult to completely ignore them, in particular when they are in your own family.

  • petry on 07/05/2017 - 13:44

    Abuse affects many things.

    One of them is sleep - long term sleep issues affects mind. Intelligence and mind besides definitions obviously connected.

    So short answer yes. Sleep issues increasingly prevalent - little recognition in health care funds who ignore studies.

    So good luck in getting effective sleep treatment besides drugs if that is appropriate.

  • HardForU on 16/05/2017 - 15:53
    +1

    My suggestion for you is first of all, get out of that shitty place where you are being insulted every time and never look back to them. Search for a house on rent or share a room with one of your friends or so… It is better to change your place and routine rather than staying and fighting back (although you have already felt the change in your mental health).

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