My significant other is complaining that she doesn't have enough weekly spending money. This weekly spending money does not include bills/fuel/food/mortgage/car or anything like that, it's spare cash she can use for any purpose she wants. What do you think is a fair weekly amount?
Adult Pocket Money - How Much Is Enough?
[Deactivated] on 05/03/2017 - 13:28
Comments
At the end of the day the figure that you decide to give them should be no more than what you would spend yourself as 'spending money'. Mainly because of the fact that you may begin to lash out at them as you will feel like they constantly owe you something.
I'd be pissed if I was the one working and more than what I would spend on myself would be spent by someone else. That's just me but yeah this is a tough topic that really comes down to individual circumstances. But yeah I'd say equal to or less than what you would spend on yourself.
I'd be pissed if I was the one working and more than what I would spend on myself would be spent by someone else.
Wow… Don't get married then…
I'm not talking about supporting through food, car etc. I'm talking about 'spending money' specifically. I wouldn't be with someone if they demanded that I give them more spending money than I spend on myself. If you're in a relationship that works that way then that's just unfortunate.
I'm not talking about supporting through food, car etc
Neither am I, but if you have an attitude such as "I was the one working" and her spending more than you, best not to get married as that will just be the beginning of your problems…
@rambutan:
The problems will be there without marriage.@jv
is your significant other not giving you enough despite the great bargains here?I wouldn't want to go out with anyone who spent my money while I worked either.
It doesn't bother me… No point in making money if you're never going to spend it…
@jv: I don't spend much money mostly so I don't have to work after the age of 45 if I don't want to.
Why are you assuming that if he got married he would be the breadwinner or be making more than his SO? That doesn't make any sense. Anyway my husband and I use a percentage system because obviously we don't make the same amount, but it's still fair to spend the same percentage of our money on both of us and also on ourselves.
because obviously we don't make the same amount.
why is it 'obvious' ?
still fair to spend the same percentage of our money on both of us and also on ourselves.
well maybe I'm doing it wrong then… all the money my wife and I earn go into the same account and we don't keep tabs on who earned it. The money belongs to our family…
@rambutann: You must be a woman because the only way I could possibly ever outspend my wife would be if I wanted to buy a BMW.
For those of you that talk about fair spending and percentage splits etc. I worry for you, a marriage is about complete and utter equality and understanding that everything is now our money, it's not just yours any more. You are now effectively one person, the only reason you should have for limiting money is if one or both of you have no self control and just spend every cent you have. There should be no sense of entitlement eg. I earn 80% of the money therefore I get to spend 80% on my wants and needs is wrong.
A fair weekly amount is based on your combined incomes and how much you can spare without depending on instant noodles.
@supersabroso:
but it is a good incentive to get that promotion …Although, that system sounds like she's the one earning more money :)
@supersabroso: Yes, so if OP's wife is complaining, it means either OP is a tightarse, or she is loose with money.
@jv:
You would be pretty damned hard pressed to find two SO's who make the same amount of money, it's hard to believe that they would both be in the same industry/position/pay bracket as eachother.
As to the second point, well, it's different when you're poor, you obviously make enough that you don't need to think about every dollar and where it goes.
I slightly disagree with this i think its important to have your own personal financial identity. For credit checks etc.
It's not about me spending it, it's about someone else spending it.
Ouch. That "someone else" is supposedly your "other half".
Wait till he has kids
@Draco: My wife and I have completely separate bank accounts. All our incomes are separate. I load her bank account up with more money than she would ever spend. However we are about to have our first account together because it is impossible to get a house loan by one person these days. We have full access to each other's bank accounts.
Good for you. So say if you and your husband had a child, and one of you stops working to raise the child, does that mean that person obviously gets 0% spending amount, because they're not making any money?
@jv:
Completely agree.. If people are worried about percentages etc, why the hell are they (thinking about getting) married?!!?
Becomes especially complicated if you then bring a child into the world…@Myrtacaea: If I made 50k, and my partner also made 50k, and she insisted on spending my money, that doesn't sound like a healthy partnership to me. I just don't see why I should give more than her.
To clarify, I'm not a super tightass when it comes to my relationship. Bills get split, rent I pay more because I make more, food whoever buys/pays whatever, buy gifts for each other etc. In general I'd probably pay more for our shared day-to-day expenses simply because I make more. That doesn't phase me.
However this is my choice. I don't think that my partner has a "right" to take my money simply because she's my partner - I doubt she'd see it that way either.
@jv: Although in some cases, people change over time. The person u married will not be the same in 5,10, 15 years.
Hey should be able to get a really good loan if both individuals have a good credit history and ability to save. with home loans cash (savings) is king.
@DisabledUser11165: scum!
Your a thief. https://www.ozbargain.com.au/comment/4437321/redir
So you dont spend money and steal instead. Sounds like a scum plan.
I see where you're coming from now, and it makes sense but it's not exactly a toxic relationship.
In general I'd probably pay more for our shared day-to-day expenses simply because I make more.
This is essentially doing a 50:50 split and then you giving your partner some of your own money to spend on herself.
I just don't see why I should give more than her.
If I made more, equal or even less than my partner I would still be more than happy to want to spoil them a little - just because I appreciate their existence in my life. In a pocket money scenario where the SO might not be earning any salary/income at all (possible looking after the house and kids instead, and quite often the bread winner doesn't do as much of the daily household chores either) in this case I would say it would be unfair not to let the SO spend your money.
OP's situation (clarified below since) sounds more like: "We both pay this much and spend the rest on ourselves".
-But SO says she wants more spending money so: "how about we both a little bit less than that?"
-But OP doesn't particularly have anything to spend the extra on and says: "I'll just put mine on the mortgage/savings."I live by "what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine." where the SO doesn't exist unless I believed I could completely trust them to not abuse that situation anyways.
People all have different standards of living/spending so it seems like either you have to find someone with the same standards or accept that they have a different financial standard and compromise. Sounds like you got a keeper.
We are total opposites. I don't spend much money on myself only because we have a small house and I don't like clutter so I don't see the point of bringing more stuff (that I probably wont use) into the house. She works and deserves to enjoy herself. I do earn more but she does support me with my work so who earns more is not an issue.
I guess I am in a 50/50 split relationship where all tasks are split differently so I'm unable to comment on what would be an adequate payment amount to someone in the event that they do more tasks than yourself.
At the end of the day I think that style of relationship is unhealthy but that's just my opinion. The fact that she works confuses me as to why she deserves any kind of pocket money. Wouldn't you just pay for more general things so she has more money to spend on herself?
so who earns more is not an issue.
exactly…
My wife cant save money. If she has a dollar, she has to spend it. She is a good person and we have been married a long time. She works, she gets paid, she transfers some money to our household account and she keeps some spending money for herself in her account. Her own spending money is currently $250 a week.
@PhilThis:
Do you mean she has $250 fun funds from her own salary each week and now wants you to throw in some extra?!Holy shit! She spends $250 a week!?!? And she needs more?!?!
Damn man you and your partner must be loaded
@gearhead: I guess it's down to individual circumstances.
Sure.
But in short,
yesdepends on the financial position of the couple.FTFY.
===================
That said, $250 is fine for even the more "well-to-do" couples.
@gearhead: I'm not picking a fight. I'm sure plenty of circumstances means $250 isn't too big of a deal. But how does a couple spend $250 each per week?? On what?? Outside of utilities, rent/mortgage, savings… what are you spending it on?
Lol… I guess I did a ninja edit.
Not disagreeing with you. There have been times when I've made a fairly expensive purchase (e.g. a new GPU; or a new laptop) when it blows the 250/week (or 1K a month) out of the water. :)
I would say for women personal grooming costs are often much higher than men. Same with clothes. Still, $250 a week should suffice IMHO (asked the wife and she agrees). Even when taking into account, regular lunches @ work, coffee spending etc.
@PhilThis: Feel sorry for you mate, there's nothing worse than a significant other who's money burns a hole in their pocket, my partner is incredibly good with money and regardless of your habits and spending you should always be saving in some capacity
If she works she can pay for herself. You can help her with perishables but if she constantly wants expensive stuff like LV's then I wouldn't in any way help my significant other
@skywards: If it isnt for the household like food, bills etc and only for fun things like going out then I would like to think so and (hope) others see the same
My wife cant save money. If she has a dollar, she has to spend it.
Well that's irresponsible of her. You should try to help her with that.
She works, she gets paid, she transfers some money to our household account and she keeps some spending money for herself in her account. Her own spending money is currently $250 a week.
That's good but since it isn't enough for her (and it's a valuable life skill) she should develop a healthy saving habit. Optionally, she could work more.
You could introduce her to OzBargain and open a savings account for her to be used for discretionary spending.
Hmmmmm - $250 a week???? That's my housekeeping, (Ie food, cats, stuff to maintain the house) and my fun money! What can you possibly spend $250 a week on!
$250 per week on spending money not including food,groceries, bills is alot.
So no unopened packets of Eneloops in every single drawers…?
well a weekly massage/facial and there goes $100 quite easily, then there's shoes, make-up, hair care and other crap, I'm not condoning this spending attitude though.
@gearhead: not saying you can't spend that much a week, but that's like $13,000 a year! I currently spend $50 (I'm a very, very light spender) and that's like a $10k extra savings per year I could put towards a holiday/retirement or what not.
I love how the tone of the thread changed suddenly when you mentioned $250. That's not a crazy amount if it's for all her personal expenses.
Instead of trying to justify an amount from just the amount alone, sit her down and ask her to classify her expenses, you might find some of her expenses are not unreasonable (don't start an argument though). From there you can decide whether or not you think its justifiable to increase.
You might find she has things like memberships or likes spa treatments/massages. She also might be buying lots of little household knick-knacks rather than going out partying or splurging.
If you know you aren't a big spender and can afford/want to spoil her a little bit more do it based on this info.
You could introduce her to OzBargain
Haha, now that's just asking for trouble.
"Did you need this?"
"No, but it was on Ozbargain!"@PhilThis my suggestion would be this - jointly budget out everything else, such as retirement savings, mortgage, emergency funds, household expenses. Then what is left, split evenly between the 2 of you. Even if you don't spend your share, that is your right and choice. Similarly hers will be hers to spend as she wishes. I believe that is the fairest.
@rambutann nice handle :)
Fully agree with that sentiment.
"Working" can be unpaid, if they're looking after children or the home. This is just unpaid work. If you gave it to someone else it would cost a packet.
$100
My wife and I have had $100 a week pocket money for years, no issues. Mainly spent on dinners out, lunches, movies, gadgets, stuff on Ozbargain, etc.
$1000
Nice try, OP's significant other!
Linda?
How much do you spend on yourself?
What do you think is a fair weekly amount?
A Platinum Mastercard
∞
priceless..
A World Mastercard is better
After exhaustive calculations and research which left no stone unturned I calculate your significant other is owed $1.37 per week.
I hope the stone wasnt a womens "rock" as that would have cost a little more
In our household we pay bills (put aside a set amount each pay), mortgage, petrol etc, and a set savings amount. Whatever is left is spending money. We don't work out who spends more etc. once the spending money is gone, it is gone.
As an adult, I don't think I would like being given a set amount then needing to complain/beg/whatever if I would like more.
Go through what she would like to spend it on.
A proper discussion and then negotiate from there.Whatever you figure she needs, then double it? See if she's happy at that level.
$30
i'm on $20
that sounds insane. Shouldnt be at the expense of your lifestyle (happiness) just to buy that house 5 years earlier.
seems fair, mine is like $100 fun money a month. I mean drinks/video games/gadgets. food/clothes is excluded
That sounds fairly tight IMHO. What about when you need to upgrade components on your rig? Does that come out of the same pool?
@gearhead: yeah it does for upgrades. however if its broken - family funds. New toys usually convince WE need it.
not really. I was on $30 but I figured since I went from 0 motorbikes to 2 registered, I figured could forego $10 a week in unaccountable spending.
anything that we both agree to comes from general funding.
also, i'm a non smoker/drinker/gambler.
I'm on $0
I think the question should be "How much spending money will satisfy my significant other?". The answer is individual specific.
Say you work as a junior accountant and have chosen to marry an ex-Victoria Secret model. Would it be understandable for her to want more spending money than yourself?
It's understandable.
But as an ozbargainer I wouldn't marry an ex-Victoria Secret model…
It's like a Ferrari, fun to take out and thrash but terrible to own (not suggesting you own anyone)
I think it's a weird concept that you need to limit how much cash your SO has access to - have a chat about fiscal responsibility and reach a stage where you can trust them to spend within your joint means. If they want something expensive, they should go a few weeks without spending anything beyond necessities so you can budget for it. That's just a basic life skill really. Weird dynamic to be restricting someone's access to money and not trusting them to spend appropriately, maybe look into financial counselling if they can't have any restraint in their spending?
Hmm. I didn't read it as his SO having her spending restricted? It seems like he's saying that she wants him to provide her with additional pocket money on top of what she saves from her own paycheck?
^^ Abs agree.
And definitely consideration needs to be made that things like grooming /apparel typically tend to be more expensive for women than men.
Weird dynamic to be restricting someone's access to money and not trusting them to spend appropriately, maybe look into financial counselling if they can't have any restraint in their spending?
Especially if the SO is not fiscally responsible and a talk around budgeting and discretionary spending doesn't seem to curb irresponsible behaviour.
However, perhaps OP may also want to consider how much personal effort and time is spent by his SO on housework (e.g. taking care of kids, cooking, cleaning etc). Personally, I am more than happy if my SO spends a fair bit more than me (even if I have virtually 3x her income), as she devotes a fair bit of personal time (while working a full-time job AND going to Uni) on cooking absolutely amazing meals, keeping the house clean and a whole range of other stuff. :) God I love that woman!
On a side note, the demographics of OzB are vastly varied, as with society, there are haves and have-nots. So advice will vary across the board and may be irrelevant to your personal situation. Moreover, some have taken frugality to an unhealthy extreme and take a rather sadistic pleasure in leading a life of self-inflicted destitution. I would urge the OP to use discretion when considering such advice here.
But she's already married, why does she need to spend $250pw on grooming?
Thats 13k a year squirted up the wall, no wonder OP only has a small house.
But she's already married, why does she need to spend $250pw on grooming?
Could include grooming (nails, hair etc) as well as clothes and stuff. That said, $250/week is more than adequate for discretionary spending.
Being married has no relevance on grooming, IMHO.
Thats 13k a year squirted up the wall, no wonder OP only has a small house.
That is pretty mean-spirited eh?
If you earn 3 times as much as anyone with a full time job that's a license to piss some money up against a wall, I don't think the OP would be in your situation quite, or at least if he is that might explain the 500 a week they are willing to spend already before this question was raised.
$100 a month no more
As a reformed spender myself, I understand this can be a source of conflict.
Understanding the purpose and motivation for why each spends and saves is the first step towards a middle ground you can both agree on.
I'd recommend having a read through Scott Pape's recent book to help with guidance.
Totally depends on how much your combined income is, what your combined disposable income is and what your saving goals are.