Lending Sibling A Small Amount of Money

scraggers on 14/02/2017 - 11:31
Last edited 14/02/2017 - 11:32

Hi All,

I have friend who has a sibling who is asking for money off them, and generally I would be fine to let them borrow/gift a small amount of money for petrol (we're talking $20-$50 here) but they have some bad financial factors going on.

  • Not taking shifts at work
  • Car debt is months behind
  • Other outstanding debts with creditors chasing

I'm worried about them just spending it on useless items as they just buy unnecessary items and spend money driving around.. what will help make them learn to sort their life out?

Poll Options

  • 2
    Gift them the $20 - make them take more work shifts
  • 0
    Loan them $20 - make sure to push to get it back
  • 76
    Tell them to sort their life out and give them nothing
  • 5
    Other
Financial

Comments

  • CyberMurning on 14/02/2017 - 11:45
    +10

    there are saying:

    if you lend your money to friends or family members - you need to be prepared to give them away.
    dont expect to get them back.

    also, because of money (read:lending/borrow money), friends/families can become enemies.

    • scraggers on 14/02/2017 - 11:58

      Yeah i'd say just gift them the $20, it's not much.

      But does it create precedent for them to just keep asking for more?

      • CyberMurning on 14/02/2017 - 12:02

        "But does it create precedent for them to just keep asking for more?"
        well how can i know they are your sibling not mine
        but human is greedy - you give heart they ask for soul

      • Ughhh on 14/02/2017 - 13:10
        +1

        If you do give them, maybe give it directly to whoever is owed eg. Directly to the loan/bank, or petrol/store staff.

        If he doesn't change, even if you paid off the entire debt, history will just repeat.

  • rambutann on 14/02/2017 - 11:51
    +1

    'Debt' + 'not taking shifts' = make them suffer.

  • altomic on 14/02/2017 - 12:08

    "I lend you some cash but I'll collateral"

  • Gronk on 14/02/2017 - 12:28

    I think your fears are well founded, by the sounds of it they're making poor decsions and expecting family to support them while they do so. If you / your friend were to offer cash under these circumstances then I can see them coming back again and again because it's easier than working hard.

    Where all their money gone so far? Is there perhaps something bigger going on here which needs to be addressed first?

    • scraggers on 14/02/2017 - 13:29

      They sunk heaps of money into the car and new features, dining out heaps, petrol driving around to unnecessary places and other useless things - and now hate the job or refuse to travel to get there.

      Their attitude towards money is the big thing that needs to be addressed - it is so hard to try to teach someone being stubborn to be more responsible with money.

  • ShannonN on 14/02/2017 - 13:03

    If the car is "behind in payments" the sibling refuses to take shifts (work) and is being chased by creditors.

    Tell friend to convince sibling to declare bankruptcy and surrender the car and then he won't need petrol money, get a pushbike take all the shifts they can and clear the debts. Then save buy another car outright etc.

    I had to do, it so can they !

  • MeesusEff on 14/02/2017 - 13:09

    i've "loaned" out $30k to my brother, doubt i'd see that coming back from himself. Even though I know he cant pay me back when he asks me for more, I feel like I have to give it to him anyway if not he ll go to the dodgy money lenders and eventually my parents or I have to be the one that has to pay the original amount + mountain of interest.

    • try2bhelpful on 14/02/2017 - 13:34
      +1

      I think that is the "nub" of the situation. You don't want your sibling falling into the hands of the dodgy creditors as digging them out of that is going to cost a lot of moolah. I don't know how anyone can be so self centred as to borrow money from a sibling, or friend, and then not do everything they can not to pay it back ASAP. I wouldn't be able to look my sibling in the eye if that was the case. I have a good job so I never count costs with my family and try to pay more than my share when we do something like go out; but nobody in my family takes each other for granted. Given what is going on is there any hint of a drug problem as well, that sort of behaviour can also be an indicator of this.

      • MeesusEff on 14/02/2017 - 13:46

        No, no drug problems. Just very bad at handling money. Always been given everything he wanted as he's my mum's golden child. He went into the postal business and buying all the vans and stuff is quite costly. It does piss me off that hes still going out, enjoying himself instead of getting a 2nd job to pay me (and my sister) back, but at this point, he just expects our parents to cover the money he owes us. In our family, and especially in his mind, all the money in our family 'goes around'. We have tried to talk some sense into him or getting him out of the business , yet our parents want him to build something that can give him a 'future' as well. Yes, we are all being taken for granted, guess thats the privileges of being the only, first son and the golden boy..

        • try2bhelpful on 14/02/2017 - 13:53
          +1

          Yeah, difficult situation. Probably best to sit down with your parents, explain what is going on and tell them you won't be loaning him any more money because he's never paid you back. That way he has to go direct to your parents and they understand how much money he is going through and will pull back the supply and/or talk sense to him. My family was never "poor like the Waltons" but there wasn't a lot of money going spare when we were kids so we are all pretty canny about not getting into debt we can't secure against. Best of Luck with this.

        • MeesusEff on 14/02/2017 - 14:02

          @try2bhelpful: Thanks :) I did tell my parents when it got to the $13k mark as I was getting too stressed. So now everytime he asks me for money, he tells my parents and they ask me to 'loan' but make a log of it. So now he goes to my sister… who's also about to reach the breaking point with him. Just have no idea how hes going to survive when they end up passing as they are 60 now..

        • try2bhelpful on 14/02/2017 - 14:07

          @kza2610: WTF are your parents playing at. Why would they ask you to loan it to them and log it. Have you asked for the money back from your parents? Tell them you need it to buy a car, or go on a holiday. See what they say to that. I think you, and your sister, need to have a serious talk to your parents about what is going on.

        • MeesusEff on 14/02/2017 - 14:12

          @try2bhelpful: My parents run a small company back in Malaysia so they do have some money there and they said don't worry, I will be getting back what I am owed. Probably out of his inheritance - if not I'll be quite annoyed. They know he is useless with money and managing it but at this point they are like 'what to do', apart from disowning him. But if I need money at any time, they would give it to me as well. I am going to be looking at buying a house soon, so they'll probably put the money towards that.

          I never realised how F'ed up the situation sounds until it is actually written down. lol depressing U_U

        • try2bhelpful on 14/02/2017 - 14:21
          +2

          @kza2610: This sort of stuff is really tricky, and delicate. You have the "inheritance" hanging over your head, which make it tricky to say no to the parents. The problem is the brother could, easily, go through the family money before your parents are gone. Sorry to be ruthless but I would be looking at fast tracking that house purchase and getting your money back. I think your brother is in for a rude shock once your parents are gone and the "sister" banks get closed. BTW - I really don't think your parents are helping him by enabling him in this way. What they can do is tell him to live within his means and get off his arse and earn his own money; like lots of other parents out there. I feel sorry you are caught in the middle of this.

  • spb on 14/02/2017 - 13:23
    +1

    Not taking shifts at work
    Car debt is months behind
    Other outstanding debts with creditors chasing

    Pretty much says that you aren't getting your money back, if someone does lend them money.
    I don't see how gifting them $20 will magically fix the problem either.

    This requires a much more complex help to fix the issues they are having.

  • JetLi on 14/02/2017 - 14:15
    +3

    Get them to clean your car for it or some other chore.

  • itajac on 14/02/2017 - 14:38

    Sometimes people need to hit rick bottom before they take a hard look at their life and choose to make a change, whether this happens or not depends on them but you shouldn't take it on as your problem.

    A man/woman child, needs to learn that the choices they make in life have consequences. They like having an awesome car but no petrol to drive it, tough sh$$!?.It's called prioritizing and being an adult.

    If you're going to "gift" them a small amount of money and it makes you feel better, then do it but don't expect to get it back or for anything to change.

  • MasterChief86 on 14/02/2017 - 19:53

    Well there you go. The people have spoken. I feel sorry for the guy's financial issues but it seems he's the type of guy who will only learn things the hard way. If you'll keep on giving… he'll just keep on taking you for granted.

  • Seraphin7 on 15/02/2017 - 08:46

    Red hot tip … any $$$$ you give to your friend won't be coming back. If you're comfortable giving the cash, that's cool, you're choice. If you expect it to be repaid you will end up very disappointed.

  • tsunamisurfer on 15/02/2017 - 14:59

    People who do this generally do not value money nor how hard it is to earn a dollar.

    Giving them more money simply enables this attitude further.

    Don't give them a cent.

  • scraggers on 15/02/2017 - 15:28

    So just an update on this guys, money was given to the sibling but not only were the ungrateful for it - but they lied about taking the further shifts their behaviour appears to be continuing in the same self deprecating manner.

    Lesson learnt.

    At least it's a small sum.. now to work out if there is a way to help them off this path.

  • bnjmn on 15/02/2017 - 15:30
    -1

    My advice is mind your own business. Not your family and not your place to say how they deal with their own. Friend or not.

    • scraggers on 15/02/2017 - 15:31
      +1

      I usually would - i'm not just an outsider in this I am a direct consultation for the issue.

    • hilariouspowerr on 19/02/2017 - 08:16
      -1

      How is it not his business when he's owed quite a lot of money?

  • Euphemistic on 16/02/2017 - 14:14

    For such a small amount it isn't worth discussing with others. Trust your gut, and lend or not. Learn a lesson from what you decide to inform you for the next time they ask for money.

  • whooah1979 on 19/02/2017 - 08:28
    +1

    Lending Sibling A Small Amount of Money
    I have friend who has a sibling who is asking for money off them,

    i'm not sure if i understand your post correctly. is this your sibling or your friend's sibling? is this sibling asking you for money or are they asking your friend for money?

    edit
    if this is your sibling, then you should give them the $20 and tell them to keep it.

    if it's your friend's sibling asking you for money, then say no.

    if it's your friend's sibling asking your friend for money, then stay out of it.

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