Hi guys I am struggling in my personal life, never easy to say that. I feel as the days go on I am so negative & I want that to change. Does anyone have any books they recommend re positive outlook & attitude? cheers
Looking for a Life Changing Book
Chef-Johnson on 28/01/2017 - 08:32
Comments
thanks, looks like a good read
Definitely start with Man's Search for meaning. I re read this one whenever my perspective needs to be recalibrated.
From a very different angle, an easy to read novel by an Australian guy
Shantaram - Gregory David Roberts
On the first page I read this one line that convinced me to read it. "And the choice you make, between hating and forgiving, can become the story of your life."I don't know anything about you really and this following short list is all not really geared towards self help and generating a positive outlook so much as sparking a rethinking of things, perhaps neutralising at best. Anyway, if you feel like doing some bildungsroman style reading…
Siddhartha - Herman Hesse
Demian - Hermann Hesse
Steppenwolf - Herman Hesse
The Metamorphosis - Franz Kafka
The Myth Of Sisyphus - Albert Camus
Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
The Blue Fox - Sjon
Don't Limit yourself to Books, only.
In fact, Science has found some evidence that
Listening to a Talk can CHANGE THE BRAIN, eg,
to make it a bit ore like that of Speaker…So, let's start with some Climate-Change Hope:
- YouTube's: Pedersen @ 2016 TEDxCopenhagen
Then, there's always Manis Friedman & Shais Taub,
both via -app- Jewish.TV (Yeah, Jewish; skip any
bits or titles that don't appeal… or be
confident enough to try one like that anyway. ;-)MUCH LESS RISK than a Drug-Dealer offers.
TED talks (eg, in app TED) can be good…
Lotsa solutions.Actually came here to post exactly this.
Realising when and why one can and cannot endure suffering is perhaps the greatest life lesson.
First, glad you call for help, as the awareness is the first and big step:
Sample read. Best selling "Change your thinking" by Sarah Elderman. Public library has it.
You mention that you get negative - I believe it is not the normal you and you want yourself back. This relates to the questions you ask yourself - the small talk in your mind needs to be adjusted. This book gives you many sample of those talks and how you may answer and how you should answer. Of course this does not stop you from talking to a profession which is even better.
Talk to a GP and see if Medicare can help. Some Private Health fund covers as well. People going to see professionals do not mean they are weak or have a mental problem, it helps to learn a few skills. We learn how to eat, ride or swim but not necessarily learn how to cope with every situation in life. Good luck. PM me if you want.
Talk to a GP and see if Medicare can help.
This. It's super easy. Referral under Better Access to Mental Health Care, 10 sessions straight up…there's plenty of good Psychs who will bulk-bill if you're struggling financially, or at worst there'll be a small co-payment.
I'd steer clear of self-help books until you get some objective professional advice…all the well meaning literature in the world won't help if you misinterpret the message.
do you know any psychs with small gaps - use one for child psych for emotion issues $160 with $80 gaps. PM me if anyone Sydney please
Newy, yes absolutely…Sydney unfortunately not, my only Psych contacts down there are pretty big names for medico-legal stuff.
"Yes Man" by Danny Wallace.
If there was a simple answer the question you asked would be rare; but it is very common. If you Google "Life Changing Book" or "what changed my life", etc, you will get pages and pages and many lists of books which may (or may not) help. Unfortunately this is a very common problem in our society, and solutions tend to be different for every individual. I know two people who tried meditation, and are happy with the results (again: there are many books and Internet resources, even phone apps, many free). Whatever happens, always remember this: do not feel ashamed or surprised (why me?), you are definitely not alone.
Well too many books to mention but not knowing anything about you it's kind of hard. Being an old fart I have already figured out that pop psychology and 'positive thinking' are fairly superficial and don't stand up over time so you need to dig deeper. The path is there for you to walk if you choose to, most people don;t even know it exists. Check out these dudes on youtube, and like everything else in life, just pick what you find resonates with you at this point in time knowing that if you are on the way, things that don't make sense to you now will one day.
So check out Ted Nottingham, and Sahdguru (Mooji has some good stuff as well)
When it came to negativity and change, for me The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle had a strong impact, I re-read it recently though and it's been a while since I first read it and I felt it was mediocre the second time around. The first time I read it though it literally changed my life and view of everything.
Check that out otherwise if you aren't all into the spiritual/'woowoo' type of stuff, Awareness by Anthony de Mello is awesome yet works from a more rational/logical side.
Both would be a great start, check it out and if they seem interesting to you then give them a read! Also understand a book can be 'life changing' but your life won't change until you take the action to make the change. Happiness is a skill and a CHOICE, much like depression is a skill and a choice.
To kick things off, consider what it is in your life right now that you're truly grateful for. If you're saying there's nothing, then how about IF there was something you could be grateful for, what would it be?
Well I'm guessing you have access to the internet, clothes to wear, food to eat, shelter over your head, family or friends etc. Start noticing and focusing on what you already do have rather than what you don't. The difference between happiness and depression is what someone focuses on throughout the day :)
Best of luck and keep your head up.
Happiness is a skill and a CHOICE, much like depression is a skill and a choice.
OK then, why don't you develop major depression for me on demand? What do you mean you can't, you just told me it was a choice you could dip in and out of whenever you wanted.
No, he is correct, if you don't understand yet then that is on you. I was depressed for the first half of my life so I know it can be sorted…and without drugs.
So I'll give you one pointer, The early mystics were clear that any real understanding began with the state of the reader. Depending on one's receptivity, sensitivity to intuitive guidance, alertness and detachment from distractions, some books can become a source of stunning insight. Their power does not come from reading done with the intellect alone, but from the presence of the whole person focussed on the message of the text.
yeah that makes sense.
I could but why would I want to when I can be happy instead?
All I have to do is slouch my shoulders, breathe shallowly, not smile, put my head down, move very slowly, and focus on everything that is wrong in my life and in the world. All the horrors, wars, starvation greed, corruption, and selfishness. If I do this long enough for an extended period of time I would develop 'major depression' as you put it.
It isn't that I can just choose one time and be done with it and develop major depression instantly, that's not how anything major is created. It's in every choice and step made throughout the days, weeks, months, and years that lead to something being 'major'. The choice has to be made every single day, but at the end of the day, the choice is still made.
If you can't see that, then you're stuck in the matrix.
I can second the power of now.
Make sure you do the exercises scattered throughout, rather than simply read through.
It's the practice rather than the content which I found life hanging. A really easy introduction to meditation and why it might help alleviate self-imposed discontent.
You mean mindless consumption and pretending everything is going amazingly well for everyone else's benefit aren't enough?
Ah, our resident little ray of sunshine…
"The Art of Happiness" by the Dalai Lama.
Thanks for the comments guys. I am grateful for a lot of things in my life, but yesterday I woke up and thought (profanity). What am I doing with myself. What is the purpose of all this. Anyways I will read some of these and if not sufficient I will consider talking to GP. It's hard to walk in there and mention that, just not comfortable with it. Cheers
You'll be hard pressed to find someone who hasn't had the same thoughts at one time in their life or another.
If it wasn't for doctor-patient confidentiality, I'm sure your GP could assure you that on any given day half the people in the waiting room are having similar, if not the very same, existential crises! I can guarantee your story won't be the weirdest shit the Dr hears for the day!
Welcome to the human race dude, we're all batshit crazy!!! :D
Few things that worked for me.
As mentioned read "The Art of Happiness", it is a very practical way of local at life and its purpose.
Doing Yoga and meditation.
And no I am not some flower power guy, no dis-respect.
At the end a book or anything you read only helps you find you path, you still have to walk it.
It is hard in the beginning like sports… but worth it.I am not a doctor.
Having said that if the GP recommends a good councillor or spiritual guidance person then that may guide you to a real and lasting solution. If all he does is offer drugs, then run the away as not only do they not work over the long terms but you might find yourself worse off than you are now. As Stewballs said, pretty much all people go through this at some point, some find an answer and some give up and remain miserable, the choice in the end is yours. What are you willing to let go of in order to find what you are looking for?
I will wait for @mskeggs to comment. His response are very well articulated and informative.
I just spent a little time watching wild platypuses active during the day. Try that and see if you have negative thoughts :)
Walk… go for at least a 30 minute walk every day, wear a hat and sunnies, walk around your neighbourhood on footpaths or local parks etc.
Simple meditation will also help.
Some great titles here, will be sure to pick a few and have a good read. Thanks for commenting, appreciate it.
Hi Chef! (Said in a Southpark voice)
Assuming u have full time work, maybe u could take a day off to relax for a bit. You probably have a swag of sick/personal leave that u rarley use (and is generally not paid out when u leave your job, so use it or lose it!.)
Most places don't need a medical certificate for just one day off - and u don't need to tell them exact reason - just not feeling well, etc. U could possiblly schedule it for when u know work would be quieter - if ever - or just take it and let work sort it out. They'll cope!
While not a book, for a temporary lift, try watching the short movie "Validation" by Kurt Kuenne.
The dance of anger by Harriet Lerner. Great book.
I hear you OP, and as someone said before you're most definitely not alone. From experience, one of the big points to realise is there's no magic bullet solution to these types of situations, nor a one fits all.
I myself have been doing a lot of reflection in a similar way, and come to the conclusion that like every challenge in life it takes awareness, perseverance and ongoing reflection. Meditation has really helped for me
Picasso said the meaning of life is to find your gift and then find a way of giving it away. I really believe it that statement and this comes back to big words like Purpose and Values. In short they are the things that are most important, who you are and the rules that you live your life by. Without having a grasp of these, stress, confusion and the sense of meaninglessness is common.
The two books I'm trying to work my way through now are the monk who sold his Ferrari and zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance. The alchemist has also been recommended by friends and I really recommend giving meditation a go. Headspace app or just a simple 10min guided meditation are where to start. The key there is font be disheartened if your mind wanders cause it will. Crack on, Persevere and always keep in mind the reason why you are doing it
Good luck. Awareness and questions are an important first step but are also probably the hardest. Flick me a pm if you want any more info
This book is quite a good read - The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking. It is fun and easy read. At the heart of it, the school of philosophy it embraces is stoicism. Tons of material on stoicism - in youtube, reading material etc.
In case you are interested: A brief introduction to the history, theory, and modern practice of Stoicism. It is not necessary info for the philosophy to be of help. And also, not suggesting it is the best introduction, just one I have watched before.
The School of Life and the associated The Book of Life also have some good material, not agreeing with everything said, but one can always pick and choose.
Also see a doctor, in case your issues have a physical cause (relating to brain chemicals etc).
Hope this helps, and all the best!
I recommend "Tuesday with Morrie"
If you are looking for something a bit different than the self help genre, try Shoe Dog - the memoir of the founder of Nike. It is very motivating and inspiring. I couldn't put it down. It takes you from his college days to their IPO.
I recommend Feeling Good and the Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. Oldies but goodies. Teaches you how to completely change ways of unhelpful thinking. Things it taught me have helped me lots of times over the years. Good luck.
I'm surprised nobody has mentioned religion and religous books yet… It must be not an ozbargain thing…
There's a book called the Holy Bible, can't recall the publisher, I think it was King James. It's pretty controversial and has divided people and even nations over the centuries. It's highly recommended for those facing life changing situations and happens to be the world's most popular book. In true Ozbargain form, it's also available for free!
Seriously, I hope you find a purpose and can get through your current negative turn. I've had this a few times in my life, some I can point to a reason, others not. I do find meditation, exercise, yoga and talking it through with friends is a great way forward. All the very best, you are in good company here on Ozbargain.
I am pretty sure Gideons is a major publisher.
My recommendations have been stated above.
Let me just add that if you feel perpetually dissatisfied, negative, and focused on fears more than hopes, this is entirely natural.
You are descended from a long history of animals who thought "there is probably a snake up that tree" even if there wasn't - rather than those who assumed "there is no snake up that tree" and sometimes there was.
Human being's technological history is characterised and facilitated by the feeling that "enough… Is not enough".
You're not alone.
Life Principles: Feeling Good by Doing Good
Bruce Weinstein, PhD The Ethics GuyThree comments:
1. ?clinical disorder - If these feelings have persisted for a few weeks, are definite changes for you, and have any of the other symptoms of depression or anxiety disorder, then seeing a GP for assessment and then referral to a psychologist, psychiatrist or public mental health service would be your next step. (FYI I work in the mental health field as a psychiatrist and am only giving general advice here). If depression (or anxiety for that matter) is the potential problem, then the Beyond Blue and Black Dog Institute websites have a broad range of assessment and treatment/ management options.
2. Key Books - If you have ruled out the above (or at least started to manage the above), then studying a book that delves into the real purpose of life is the next step. (I note you originally said you wanted a book re "positive outlook and attitude" but the title says "life changing" ). The real purpose of life is found by carefully reading and pondering the greatest of the religious texts. It is clear to me that the Book of Mormon is the truest of all these books, with the Holy Bible (when translated correctly in 2nd place). However, a quick warning a) as with many endeavours, the pearls in these books take some study/work to find and b) the truth of these books, especially the Book of Mormon, can be found by praying about them (ie asking God if they are true).
3. Lastly, not a book, but valuable and relatively cheap course is The Landmark Forum (by Landmark Education). It helps identify roadblocks that are very common in human thinking and replace them with an unhindered view of the future (also the past and the present for that matter).I wasn't going to post this, but I saw this post for the third time and thought of the same book. The Celestine Prophecy.
Some good suggestions in this thread. I have been going through this for years and my suggestion is to read as much as you can and eventually you may find something that "clicks". There is no ONE book for everyone from my experience. We each find our own path.
More importantly, I've found that positive outlook is heavily influenced by one's peer group and community, along with general health and fitness.
I love "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho
If you have build up negativity within yourself, then you should not isolate with books only. You should go out and have some exposure at public places like parks, library, gym etc. Communicate with different people, listen to soothing music and choose a book that really diverts your mind from negativity. Hope you'll feel better soon.
There's a website happyify.com
It is about the science of happiness. There's a fun daily newsletter. It will suck ways to put you on the path to happiness out of the universe and aggregate them for you.
I think there's a paid subscription but I just get the free newsletter.
You should look at what situations and thought processes got you to where you are in so far as where you don't want to be. In my case it is boundaries. Boundaries are the key to harmonious personal relationships. Google boundaries and I think the guy who writes this series of books is McLoud. Subscribe to those newsletters.
Do you have children?
IMO, Books and all em things are just bunch of opinions. Why don't you explore things yourself and then write your opinions. Whether books or songs or whatever :D
Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning