Being Forced to Move by Our Crazy Neighbour

Hi All,

Sorry if this comes across as a rant, but my Crazy Neighbor is driving us nuts!
Just wanna share my ordeal with her and any advice is appreciated.

Here's the situation, moved into a house 3 years ago. 4 houses share one private road, I'm the second house on the road and my crazy neighbor is the first one.
All the neighbors were really nice at first including the crazy one.

Just my wife and our 1 year old living here, very few visitors and we like to keep to ourselves. Her, I estimate to be in her 50s, divorced, with 3 kids that she said stays with the father. Ex-husband is an architect, so she's an "expert" in the area and can't stop telling me about it.

It was all good at first, I did all the neighborly stuff like move her bins, help her with moving furniture etc….
But the nightmare started when we wanted to renovate our house and do a small extension inside our old garage space.

Fencing Saga:

As part of the DA process, we had to get a surveyor to mark the boundaries, with our house being in a bushy area, there's actually no fence in between the houses. As soon as she saw the surveyors, she confronted them and asked them flat out whether we were going to put up fencing.

The surveyors told me about this and being still neighborly at the time. I explained to her we are doing an extension and not intending on putting up fencing. But that didn't stop her from telling me how many lawyer friends she has and how she hates fencing and how its bad for the wildlife (even though she has fence on all other sides of her house).

Building Saga:

DA gets approved and work commences, that's when stuff gets bad.
1)Strategically placing bins near the corner of her block, so big trucks will have problems moving in. She will then go harass the tradies for moving her bin.
2)Complaints directly to the council for illegal asbestos removal and council proved to be false.
3)Complaints directly to the council for illegal building works, even though there is a big sign on the property with the builders's and PCA details.
4)We tried to keep the place as clean as possible, but if she sees any pieces of paper/plastic, we'll see it hanging on our branches.
5)Our new baby arrived during this time, so my section of driveway was a little neglected. But the good neighbor on the other side helped out with the sweeping. Crazy lady didn't like it though, came over and gave me a lecture on how I should keep my section of the driveway clean and went as far as telling me I should get my parents to move in if we couldn't handle the baby.

After these complaints, we kinda avoid her.

The Carport Saga:

Recently, I put up a carport, which I had a development exemption for. It was a DIY kit and over 10 meters from the boundary on all sides. Couple of weeks ago, I got a letter from council saying they need to inspect my carport because my downpipe was not correctly connected. They were also going to inspect my air conditioner, because someone complained that its location (unused pathway) can potentially be a fire safety risk.

I admit the downpipe wasn't connected, but the water was running into my garden. Since it didn't really affect anyone, it was quite low into my to-do list. But seriously, complaining about a downpipe on your neighbours carport and their AC? I must have really p1ssed her off!

I got pretty annoyed at this point and called the council and made my own complaint about her running a youth hostel in her property (A story for another time).

The Letter Box Saga:

Last week, I replaced my old letter box with a new one, at the exact same location. She comes banging on the door just before 8 in the morning(waking the whole household up in the process) and tells me I have to move the mailbox because she can't get to her mail without cutting herself on it. I was a bit shocked and she repeated it 3 times really slowly like I was an idiot. I got the letter box from bunnings, so all the edges were rounded and there was plenty of room to get her mail! I couldn't be bothered arguing with her, so I moved it anyway.

Today:

Today my parents came to visit while I was at the shops, apparently she came over to them and told him he was driving too fast on the private road (which I doubt, he's in his 60's and drives an old bomb).
She came and confronted me in my backyard and accused my dad of yelling at her. Seriously, its Christmas. Chill out! I couldn't stand it anymore and asked what her problem was, how we pissed her off and when are the complaints going to stop? She just keep repeating, if you received any complaints from me, let me see it in writing. But I ended up telling her I've had it and I'm putting a fence up in the new year and I expected her to pay half.

So Here are my options:
1)Put up the fence and just stay put.
2)Sell and move on
3)Do nothing.

Honestly, I've got a baby and wife to look after and I don't really have the energy to deal with her constant complaints. So I'm thinking of selling up. It'll be less stressful on all of us in the long run, but its so sad that we are being forced out of our home by the crazy lady next door.
What does everyone else think?

Update:

Thanks for everyone for their replies, just went to the station and had a friendly chat with a constable there.
I told her about my ordeal, she was really nice and sympathetic but unfortunately the crazy neighbor is being really smart and there's nothing they can do at this point.
However, she told me the first step I should take is to write a letter to inform her she's no longer allowed on my property. If she needs to discuss anything, she is to either do it via email or snail mail.
After doing this, if she gets caught on my property, I'll be able to apply for an AVO at my local court.

I'll be drafting the letter and putting it in her letterbox tonight. I'll also keep my camera's on and hopefully catch her in my property.

The more I read the replies, the more I wanna put the fence up and stay-put. (Hopefully I don't waiver, when her next compliant comes. :) Thanks everyone!

Edit: Modified headings for better readability

Poll Options

  • 521
    Put up the fence and just stay put.
  • 19
    Sell and move on
  • 3
    Do nothing.

Comments

      • But you ended up with a worse neighbour …?

        • Karma perhaps :P

  • +4

    Take a dump in her mailbox…. Jokes, dont do that.

    Get her in trouble for running a hostel and stand your ground!!!

    • She has so many different students coming and going. She just doesn't know how it affects other people.
      It's one thing having her overlooking into our house, but new strangers every few weeks, is a totally different level.
      The other night, we had one of her "guests" trying to find her house. It was like 9 pm and there was this young man banging on our window.
      Scared the hell out of us!

      I do feel sorry for the students though, she has like 30+ steps to get into her property.
      She made the young kids carry 25KG bags of soil up to her house the other day.
      She also leaves her groceries in her carport, animals get into it at night and I'm sure she still feeds it to the students.

      • +9

        Hey mate,

        Something I've learned after years of renting is that you very rarely get great neighbours. It is a risk moving somewhere else, but it could also turn out great. I think the best thing you can do is reflect on why you bought where you live now, what drew you to it, what you still like/love about it, and what would make you happy with/without this woman being involved. You sound like a really nice guy, and I'm sure most of us here would probably like to live next to you.

        I think the suggestion of putting up a fence is a good one, as well as creating more privacy from her in other ways. If not a fence, then some hedging that gives you some privacy as well as creating a barrier. The security camera idea is also a good one, and you could also put up a little sign.

        It's probably also beneficial for you to try to ignore whatever she is doing (i.e. students carrying groceries) because anything she does wrong will bother you. Your neighbour may have personality issues, or even a mental illness impairing her judgement, so the best thing you can do is to focus on the things you can control to take your mind off her, and to focus your energy on what you love in life and what really matters.

        I hope that whatever course of action you take that it works out for you and your family. You've got power and control over your situation, stay or go, and life's so much bigger than one annoying neighbour. Best of luck.

        • +4

          This is such good advice.

          My biggest mistake was getting too worked up and emotional with our crazy neighbours. They were in our mind all the time.

          In hindsight, I realise now that all I needed was distractions. They would still annoy me but I wouldn't be thinking much about them as there would be more important things to think about.

          Actually one of our current neighbour starts to get annoying, same issues as last time - parking so close to our car, right on top of the parking bay line but I'm wiser now.

        • +1

          Yeah, the more I think about her the more annoyed I get. So distraction(cute baby or work) actually gets me thinking more rationally. It was really out of character for me to confront her harassment yesterday, but all the things she did recently and harassing my parents really pushed me over the edge.

          I'll put the fence up either way, but I think I'll get an real estate agent in and see what position i'll be in financially if i sell up.

          We brought the house because it was what we can afford at the time and it was a nice quiet location. But after all the work we've put in, its really become "our home".

          Once I have all the facts, it'll have a long chat with my wife and weigh up the pros/cons.
          Hopefully, enough time would have pass for us to make a rational choice on how to proceed.

      • +1

        What she is doing is illegal. Get some video evidence of students coming and going from the property and she's screwed.

  • +3

    Well now you know why she is divorced and the kids are not with her. You should be a good neighbour and call her an escort service once a while because I think that's her real problem.

  • +9

    Mate, I'll say it, you are sounding a bit like a door mat. Whispering in your own back yard due to 'fear', she had you pegged before this all started. Maybe show her that you are atually a tough mofo who will not be intimidated on HIS OWN property. You certainly will not ever be sweeping her part of the driveway. Btw, I am not advocating violence, I mean be absolutely uncompromising in every situation, just has she has for you.

    • +4

      Not really out of "fear", more like the "crazy lady is listening". My wife just doesn't want her to listen into our conversation, but I suspect she does scare her a little.

      We're just non-confrontational, happy to be a bit more tolerant for the sake of peace and quiet. But after yesterday, there's NO WAY I'm going to let my family be intimidated again. There's so much I can complain to the council about her property, but I just choose not to because its a waste of council resources. However, if she files any more complaints after the fence is put up, I'm not going to hold back.

    • +3

      I think it's clear from what he has said that being confrontational would only make the situation worse for him. Bringing emotions into this is exactly what people like this want.

      • +1

        I mean the opposite of emotional. The OP will be the immovable rock that crazy people smash themselves against.

      • +4

        In my personal experience that is absolutely not true. Bullies get off on intimating you and thinking you are scared of them. They are looking for people who embrace "victim" status. We have feral neighbours who tried to have a go at us but we showed them who is boss and they are quiet as a mouse now.

    • Yep. I'd have told her to GTFO my property. Sack up and do something about her. Theres idiot neighbours wherever you go.

  • +1

    Can you give any other details about her? I don't know, I'm probably not alone on this from the looks of the other posts but I know someone exactly like that.

    • Kinda glad that I'm not alone, it's actually really good therapy. I feel much better than I did yesterday.

      Prob not a good idea giving more details about her. If you're my neighbour, we should be friends :)

      • +1

        Haha this person is a relative who we thankfully never see, which is why I was so curious. I've no idea what they've been up to but terrorising their neighbours is as likely a pass time for them as anything else. If they're short with black hair and they go by a name starting with H, or with E, then it's the same one. Either way, the advice to get an AVO is spot on.

  • -4

    Just wonder what's her ethnic background and yours? Some race think they are born to rule. ..
    Whatever it is, this is Australia and you have your rights: to live in your own home peacefully. Anybody who disturbs this should not be tolerated. Be strong and firm, don't back off. You will need those skills in future, maybe at work, or parenting. …

    • +1

      We're from different backgrounds, but I don't think there's much in that. her superiority prob comes more from her being older. I definitely don't feel like she treats me as a peer when we talk.

    • +5

      That's personality, not race. The lady is a psycho. I've had colleagues like that.

  • +3

    "I'm pretty much dealing with her all by myself, my wife doesn't really want to hear about it. It really stresses her out and makes her hate living here"

    m8 its all in that paragraph , it will go on & on
    happened to me once , a builder starting his diesel truck next to our bedroom at 4am—- filmed it— Court- AVO's etc
    Solicitor said my best advice is for you to move & its was

    good luck , my heart feels for you

  • +2

    How about reversing the Complaints…. If she Farts Complain about noise and air pollution… If you have video footage of her on your property Create a facebook page about the crazy neibhour from hell on your property in your local town ( Only use footage and photos on your own property - not from her own ) .. Call it the Crazy Neibhour in XxXxXx town… Use her Own actions against her… And yes.. put up a 7 foot fence.. dont let her win… For every action your recieve from her give her 2 back.. yes it would be hard for awhile but she might move out into a nursing home and complain there instead… Fight on DO NOT MOVE…. you have your rights.. Mow your lawns 1 Minute past the 9 am On A Sunday as close to her bedroom window as possible…

    • +1

      As much as I don't want to stoop to her level, it might be inevitable. Social media can easily get me in trouble with her "lawyer friends".

      • +6

        I'm sure she doesn't have any friends - lawyer or otherwise.. It's just a scare tactic.

    • +1

      Well, start mowing the lawns at 9:01. Find constant distractions and drag it out over the course of the day.
      I used to work nights, one of the most frustrating weeks I ever had was when a neighbour (later to be referred to as "Bob the Builder") took all bloody week to replace the palings on the fence. Apparently "measure twice, cut once" wasn't good enough (or he lost count before he got to 2).

  • +3

    Outdoor/Garden speakers…Put Justin Bieber on loop play and head out to enjoy the day. Make sure it's playing loud enough but legal enough, within the correct times permitted.

    Have a few parties..fancy dress…come dressed as Your Worst Neighbour…or all come dressed as My Neighbour.

  • +3

    this explains why she is divorced.

    • +3

      Without custody of the kids..

  • +2

    Wow, all the best, keep us updated! I've had my fair share of crazy neighbours too and I know how it can affect your daily life; hope this gets resolved asap for you and your family!

  • There will always be people in the world who think they own it. Putting a fence up would be funny. It would piss her off so bad lol. Get her out of your life. Don't care what she says or thinks. You don't have to answer to her. Hello? Lol @ comment about Justin Bieber. She would probably like it. I would be ripping my hair out!

    If it's not you it would be someone else. Treat her like you don't see her. Do what it takes to keep her off your property. Ask politely and then do what you need. Lifes too short. Don't let her bully you. She needs to get a life. Just about everyone has been through something like this. Good luck 😊

    • +4

      I think putting up the fence will be the best revenge on her, her backyard is actually really small once the fence is in.
      I actually saw a hint of shock/annoyance when I told her I'm putting a fence up.
      Either way, whether I'm selling or staying, I'll make sure the fence is up.

      • I don't actually think a fence is the answer but it would give you peace of mind somewhat. I was just saying that it would drive her mad if you did. That may cause more problems. However, it is your right. It may help but she will find ways to cause you hassle and most likely retaliate but oh well.

        Some people are just like that, with nothing better to do. Just as some people get off on being a bully. You could move and boom you are stuck in the same situation again so what's the point of that. You can't choose your neighbours. The less attention you pay her, the better i think. Just keep it legal and do it the right way. I also recommend you keep a diary of everything that occurs. Date and time. Makes great evidence if you need it.

      • +2

        Not only that - she'll need to pay half which will annoy her even more.

        • +1

          New owner of the house next door demanded that my in-laws pay for the new fence. Thought he could bully semi retirees into paying for and over quoted fence (5k for the bit between the properties) when there was nothing wrong with the old one. He was arrogant and adamant that it would be a certain colour etc. (ours different). He kept coming and waving papers telling them they had to pay. I took his paper, ripped it up, told him to get the f#@k off their property and never to step foot on it again.

          He then proceeded to make complaints to the ranger about barking dogs etc but we caught him out (all on video) stirring them for video evidence. He put up his fence and hasn't said boo since. I make no effort to contain my loud vehicles or dogs. Top it all off the idiot crashed through the fence and damaged the shed (all documented) so he owes us more then half of the fence in damages if he ever wants to take it to court.

  • +5

    Been there, done that! Lucky you in NSW if you want worse, move to QLD. Heard of Murray Street 8 fold murder? I used to work there in the late 80s directly inside the slum housing commission. Then the local MP started to bankrupt QLD buying nice houses in posh neighbourhoods to place these people amongst owner occupied areas. We ended up with rocks thrown onto our roof the whole night with local police refusing to intervene. Soon there were mostly rental houses. We had no choice but had to sell up and move. Now crime is so high in Cairns that insurance companies accuse us of having chosen at our own will to live in a high crime area. Now QLD is even more bankrupt and they are starting to extort the missing money from you guess THE MIDDLE CLASS! Looks like they have thrown a 2 digit million dollars after the mass murderer. What a bargain we got for living in Queensland….

  • You have 1000+ ozbargainers by your side.

    Don't need no gangs or hit-men ;)

    But on a serious note, I understand where you're coming from. If you think you can sell, I personally would. Otherwise, maybe hire a lawyer and see what you could do in regards to getting HER to move. Legally or course.

    • +11

      selling and moving costs a bomb and is stressful. Plus there's no guarantee your new neighbours will be any better.
      Lawyers are expensive, and there is zero chance of legally forcing your neighbour to move.

      I'd suggest
      * build a fence as high as legally permissable, forcing her to pay half will be sweet since she doesn't want a fence
      * install cameras to monitor her
      * complain to the council about her windows that overlook your private space
      * report her to the ATO for having home-stay students paying cash
      * if you're feeling cheeky, report her to the cops on suspicion of running an illegal brothel, due to all the random people coming and going
      * try and see it as a game you can win

      • +2

        report her to the cops on suspicion of running an illegal brothel, due to all the random people coming and going

        This is getting interesting :D

      • EFFGEE
        you make some good suggestions
        no point moving , as you might have another annoying neighbour

  • +1

    I truly feel for you. I have been one of those students who lived with such home owner being under 18 back then, and couldn't enter into rental contract myself. The lady sucked all my energy constantly picking me for having an extra slice of bread (breakfast included homestay) and I reported her to ATO about how she received thousands per month from boarders and demanded cash and cash only.

    She brags about building the house on her own too. Husband died ages ago (which she also said she was happy about it). 1 daughter that fights with her all day long. Brags about her mercedes and how smart she is being a realtor and she knows the whole suburbs well enough. It scares me to even see her again. I eventually confronted her attitude, and she threw my stuff out of the house and my friend picked up everything and drove me to his place where I enjoyed staying.

    That was in WA while I was doing my bachelor in AF. Very bad experience as I was sleepless knowing she has the habit of checking up on me without knocking door at all. You're nice enough to endure it for 3 years. I didn't even last 6 months till I could legally sign my life away.

    • noob tan-did the ato catch up with her ?

  • +3

    Good fence = Good neighbours. Get a 6 ft double slatter up ASAP and quick growing hedge in front of it. DIY and its not too expensive. Ask chippy mates to get you trade prices on lumber.

    • +7

      I'll definitely need to get a contractor to do it, just imagine the endless complaints I'll get about workmanship etc…
      She's paying half, so I'm going get everything done exactly to the law even if it costs me a bit more.

  • +3

    Now that you have requested any further communication from her via snail mail, next time she puts a complaint in your letterbox, she will be watching you like a hawk when you read your mail to see your reaction to her letter. After receiving any complaints in your letterbox, I would read them on the spot & then scrunch them up like garbage, and then walk to ur home with a smile on your face, so that she can see her childish tantrums do not have the affect on you she is hoping for, and takes away any sense of control she is trying to get out of this, and will have her stewing over it through the night, just as she has caused you to stew over her actions & end up sleepless.

  • +2

    If I was you I would get a whole bunch of waterproof video cameras and put them all around your property and at the front door. The next time she comes to your door make her aware that every interaction you have with her will be recorded and if you think what she is doing is out of line that you will be taking the footage to the Cops and the council or maybe put them up on You Tube. If she still harasses you then follow through with this. Make it difficult for her to come near you and she might go hassle one of the other neighbours instead.

    BTW - We had the neighbour from hell as well - caused us all sorts of delays whilst we were renovating stirring up the other neighbours against us. Our attitude was screw the neighbour we intend to do what we want to do; the more outrageous he became the closer we worked as a unit. It cost us extra but we got what we wanted. Eventually he moved out but it took years and the new neighbour is just lovely.

    Hang in there and make sure you are the one dealing with this nutjob and not your wife. If the neighbour does approach your missus then get the missues to just point at the cameras and walk away.

  • +5

    Get as big a fence as council will allow to claim back some privacy.

    Next time she visits, ask if her hostel is approved by council/pays correct taxes and that you heard someone talking about reporting the hostel to the relevant authorities. If the hostel is an important part of her earning some money, she might pull her head in.

    Apart from the possible AVO and trespass try not to buy into her craziness. Ignore her as much as possible. Initially you will probably have to do some running around to quieten things down, but hopefully it will get better with time.

    BTW become friends with your other neighbours, nothing like a barbecue to get to know them. Do not talk about her to your other neighbours, unless they bring her up in conversation. I have a relative with a bad neighbour and they talk about them way too much, turns other people off you.

  • -6

    Dude she needs a good belting

  • +16

    Another way to react to bullies & has them scratching their heads, is to every time you see her, put a big fake smile on your face & yell out "good morning have a lovely day"! And she"ll be left thinking WTF?? And just keep doing it, with a HUGE smile and a big wave hello! At least thats not adding fuel to the fire giving her more things to complain about. And she will see no matter what she does its not going to get to you, thats what bullies thrive on. And if she ever approaches you again, finish the conversation with "goodbye now, have a lovely day!" Bullies hate that, it will do her head in, & you aren't doing anything wrong by retaliating at her level. The bigger your smile the better. Be really smug. Bullies don't know how to respond to big smiles & friendly faces no matter how fake it is.

    • that's what I do whenever I see a bull. They still chase me, rude bulls!

      • Smart bulls, maybe they know a sarcastic smile when they see one.
        .. Or maybe there is something in your smile that sparks something in the bulls!

  • -2

    Why isn't your house for sale? Australia is a big country no need to live next door to a psycho.

    • +8

      Why should they move? They've done nothing wrong! She's just some crazy ass menopausal maniac.

      • +5

        And selling, buying, moving all come with big costs. It could easily cost $50k in agent fees, moving costs and stamp duty.

        • +5

          And also, after moving, what if you end up with another crazy neighbour? This neighbour was alright initially, but then something changed her attitude.

    • And yet there are a few posts below me that suggest the same thing…

  • +1

    Mate… no wonder her 3 kids are living with the father… LOL

    Have you thought of this option:

    1. Put the fence up
    2. Rent your house out
    3. Go rent somewhere else nicer
    4. Ask ozbargainers about tax tips ;)
  • You need the services of this man

    https://m.facebook.com/Gatto.Corporate.Solutions

  • +1

    If i was you i would write her a letter expressing your frustrations. If that doesnt work, get a lawyer to send her a letter asking her to cease and desist with verbal communication of his client or family - ie you of any kind. That anything she wants to complain about should be put in writing and forwarded to the lawyer in question. That should give you abit of peace and quiet. If she does approach you or verbally assaults you in any way, get the police involved straight away, and maybe get a restraining order. Record everything she does and have cctv footage to prove your point. It may take 6 months or a year, but eventually the police will definitely start fining her, and possibly worse. Its a form of systematic bullying she is doing to you, you need to take action asap.

  • +2

    GL OP, don't give up!

  • +2

    Ever heard the saying "tall fences make good neighbours"?

  • +3

    "running a youth hostel in her property (A story for another time)."

    Is it time for this story yet?

  • +4

    Stand your ground. Act as she doesn't exist. You should be able to live in peace and not be bothered with idiots who treat others like kids.

    Ignore her and if she trepass on your yard, threaten to call the police. At first pull a fake call: pull the phone out and dial then hang up and say "Hello is this <name of local station > police station? Thank you hello, my name is <your name>, I'm having issues with a woman who is constantly trespassing my yard." That should scare her back into her own hole and if she plays up again, call for real.

  • +2

    Bad neighbours are fine as long as you don't have to interact with them. With a share driveway, it will be with you until the very end. She's unavoidable. I would sell and move.

    • +2

      Didn't really think the shared driveway will be a problem when we bought the place, you kinda only realize it after you moved it.

      -She's only have 1 cars pot, so we've had her visitors block the entry to our house a few times.
      -Also had her car broken down a few times and I even had to help push her car back into her carport.
      -I've also come home a number of times and found her tradies parked inside my property.
      -When she was installing gutter guards, the installer actually left a few screws(color matched to her roof) on my driveway and punctured BOTH my left Front/Back tyres at the same time. They cost me $400 each, but they were due to be replaced anyway, so I kinda let that one go.

      If she's not behaving the way she is, then I can live with these inconveniences. That's just part of sharing a driveway and helping each other out.

      So if you are potentially buying a house with a shared driveway, be warned!

      • My job involves a lot of work with Councils and I see submissions (complaints) from neighbours about proposed development. I recently saw one where there was an easement and right of way (a shared driveway on title). Property had changed hands and the new owners weren't playing nicely. They were at the mercy of the new owners and the new owners said stiff. There was nothing Council could do to protect that easement and the access for the existing property owners even though it was on title. They were lucky it was rural (there was room) but at great expense to themselves they had to establish different access.

        I would never buy a torrens title home with a shared anything.

  • +2

    Meet with a property lawyer, seeking advice on 'Council and building restrictions' and other issues they may assist with. May cost a small consultation fee, but at least you have guidance.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BctxaJHDzWo

    • +1

      wow, wouldn't want to be living on that street.

  • +3

    Get Pantera's - Far Beyond Driven LP and play it on rotation 24/7 that will be sure to piss her off and show her you're not intimidated. Ensure to strategically position the stereo system near her property(make sure it is 100w RMS minimum for this to work). Actually, you might get a noise complaint after 12am but you are fine to play it all day legally :) Also try some Slipknot, Rammstein, and Slayer for extra effect.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_GBSs8UUTY

    • +1

      This is great advice. I had a good laugh.

    • Heh, alternate with this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GX3ENRaEPFU It's a little slower so that she can absorb the lyrics.

    • +1

      That's a good try but might I also recommend these for sheer sonic-based, psychological warfare:

      • Nice. I'm a fan of the early Sepultura stuff, as I'm sure you are too :)

        • Absolutely, but I can't deny Cavalera Conspiracy is the closest Max & Igor have come in decades, to reliving those glory days.
          CC's albums have been like a downward spiral from Groove Metal into the depths of pure thrash savagery. Highly recommend you check them out, especially the latest, Pandemonium. Max's vocals haven't ever sounded that good.

          You might also like Marc Rizzo, the lead & rhythm guitarist from CC. His solo stuff is virtuoso-level riffing.

        • @Amar89: I used to love thrash but find myself listening more to slower, groove metal. I haven't heard any of the CC stuff so I will have to check it out.
          Rizzo is awesome - I'm currently listening to his Legionnaire solo album on utube.

    • The laws changed (well to my knowledge in SA atleast) and you can now make a complaint any time and its upto the cops discretion on what action to take….but then getting them to issue a fine is nigh impossible…..unless what happened to me happens to you and you call the cops and they go there but hes in the shower and then shouts out "PO Im having a w%nk" and THEN theyll issue a fine every time afterwards ;) Or if you can show that the noise is for commercial reasons and this is a residentual area, got him on that one aswell (fixing other peoples cars in a communal drive way).

  • +3

    Well obviously your neighbour is a reasonable person who listens to logic.
    I mean, that's why you would consider mediation and further discussion RIGHT, especially after all you have been through with her ???

    People like her know how far they can push the law and she will just walk all over you. Her mission in life now is simply to annoy the sh*t out of you.

    1. Put up with her crap,
    2. Sell and Move on,
    3. Become her best friend and dedicate your entire life to her every whim in order to placate her,
    4. Or MAN UP ! do whatever it takes (with smarts) to protect your family !
    • +1

      Number 2 is manning up. Doing #4 will only reduce him in his wife's eyes.

  • +1

    Good luck OP I do feel for you.
    Don't give her an inch and hopefully she slips up and you can live in piece.

  • +1

    OZBargainers can come visit you all week, all day and night. Some of us even know how to party.

  • +5

    A. You are too nice to her.
    B. Build the fence, pronto.
    c. Get an AVO against her and purse the illegal student hostel claim to fruition.
    D. Don't sell unless there is inherent danger to your family.

  • +2

    Mate unfortunately this lady is a nut job and you are her target of choice.
    I would worry for the sanity of your own family and the stress/time and emotional stress it's causing so always remember to ask yourself if it's really worth it.

    There are a few ways to go about this.
    1) Threaten her by indicating that if she doesn't back off, the authorities will find out about her hostel/hotel operation. Get evidence of this or tell her you have evidence of people coming and going. Ask the police to investigate (if they can). It's probably her main source of income and you'd be surprised how many people immediately sharpen up when their income is threatened.

    2)Similarly to harrassment at work, your neighbour is blatantly harrassing your family- no Australian should have to put up with this. Go and see your doctor with your wife and tell them what's happening and explain the stress it's causing your family.

    Given that the neighbours have all moved out, and all the evidence/history you have, a judge would %^($* all over this horrific excuse for a human being- although again, she's a victim of mental illness and it's not really her own fault- that doesn't mean you should be her punching bag.

    3)Find something about her house and report it to the council. If she did the house herself as you said, then she's screwed up somewhere and that will keep her occupied for months. It will also cost her money to fix.

    Apart from threatening actual harm against her, legal action is the best way to shut this mole up. But that can be a costly exercise, and at the end of the day, if she's broke/nuts, she probably isn't going to move unless she's dragged out of there. It would be horrible to wake up every day and see her backyard/house/fence the memories associated with it.
    I'd talk to a lawyer and ask them what you can do about it and if there's any way you can get her moved out of there. I doubt much can be done about relocating here though.

    3)Once again, ask yourself if selling your place and finding a new house in the same suburb (far enough away so this witch doesn't know you're there) isn't the easiest solution to your problem and your family's own mental health. Lawyers are expensive, and this lady probably isn't going to let up any time soon.
    Personally I'd try and get an AVO/restraining order and tell her to keep off your property. If that really doesn't fix much, then just move out.

    Personally if it was me, I'd move out, and after moving out, I'd REALLY &$%# with her and make her feel the anguish that you've suffered. Letters, eggs, notes saying the police were there (from an anonymous neighbour) etc…council complaints about her house/structures etc…but that's just me. I'm a strong advocate for serving justice when the law won't.

    You sound like an every day bloke just trying to live your life, and ultimately moving out sounds like the best solution. Who cares if she 'wins'. Your family's health and happiness are worth more than anything, and you don't want to end up like this poor woman yourself! Because this kind of thing will cause more health problems than you could ever imagine.

    Good luck.

  • +2

    it seems narcissists [npd] may not be a curable condition and is abnormal so whatever you do it will not work. over years you too may overreact in ways YOU CANNOT imagine. we are going to sell up and move out as we cannot put up with far less with our neighbours in strata. drives us mad and makes us depressed. which becomes incurable. society hangs by a thread. sad but true. escalating issues will only force more pain onto you. you can never really avoid her in your mind.

  • +1

    I'd follow the cops instructions and tresspass her anytime she crosses the boundary. I'd consider the fence.

  • Film her when she is yelling at you. After a couple of times, have your wife complain to the police that she feels threatened by this woman and supply video evidence. The police will then have to talk to her. She might get more careful then and stay away.
    Alternatively, after getting the video and making the threat complain apply for an order, especially with two young kids in the house. Good chance you will get one.

    Also, have a witness for your letter or when you tell her to stay away from your property. Otherwise she will say mail or e-mail got lost.
    Maybe have a friend hand deliver it and sign for it. Then there is no way she can deny receipt.

    • +1

      The thing is, She doesn't yell, just the usual condescending tone with a smug look on her face. Does everything within the letter of the law and a plausible explanation for everything (I.e letter box cutting her)

      I noticed her letter box is empty now, she's probably read the letter. Unusually, her front door is closed today(usually open all the time), maybe the letter and the fence actually had an effect.

      • Your wife can still feel threatened. That is the key to mention: feel threatened.
        Because of that and your two young kids the police will have to act. They have to investigate as otherwise they are liable if anything does happen later and they won't risk that.

      • +4

        This is why I would just be an over friendly smart arse. So she can see she has caused you no grief. This is your home, your "castle", and your baby's future memories of family stability. If you want peace then you need to continue on being the neighbour you would want. If you want war then retaliate with loud overbearing speakers, loud noise, parties etc. But don't expect to be able to ask the police for help with an unreasonable neighbour after being an unreasonable loud noisy neighbour yourself as retaliation. You don't want to be neighbours at war. You are just making it even more uncomfortable for yourself, and giving her ammunition to complain further to council or the police if you do need to go back to them for help. You need to do as she is, a smart arse neighbour playing by the rules with no faults recorded. Set yourself up with a good safe fence that she cant get into, up high enough at the back to provide extra privacy. Put a low volume kids stereo out the back next to some Childs play equipment & relaxing outdoor setting for you, with low Wiggles music on for ur child thru the day which will dim out her voices to get her out of ur head so u don't feel she is listening to ur conversations. Be over friendly, while ignoring the spiteful biatch, & hopefully she will outgrow annoying you when she sees she is no longer getting that controlling feeling out of u she is searching for, & move on to something else. If you take the neighbours at war path, there is no going back & ur setting urself up for a miserable future where u will need to relocate if a peaceful relaxing home for ur family is what you are looking for. Learn to ignore & over grin sarcastically, & keep her off ur property.

        • +1

          Great advice, thinking of ways to get at her is really tiring. Actually doing it is even more so.

          Fence and blocking her out seems to be the way to go.

          Love that movie btw!

        • +1

          @aff: Well doing that, stressing over ways to get back at her is bringing her into your home, & will further affect your relationships at home, and thats in no way a peaceful atmosphere to come home to after an already exhausting day at work. Record her past unreasonable events in your diary, then Wipe the past out of your mind, put up the fence & cameras for backup incase she plays up again, relax & focus on ur family.
          I love The Castle, Ahh the serenity!! And The Nugget! haha Will have to watch them again now.

  • Wait till your kid grows a bit older and holds the first house party…it will freaking drive your neighbour nuts..

    • Dunno if I can last another 10-15 years :(

  • I'm surprised that you haven't told her to stop talking to you and to stay off your property.

    If you continually allow her to inconvenience you for her own entertainment what do you expect to happen?

    It sounds like you are behaving like a normal person when dealing with a malicious person that is intent on causing you and your family harm.

    The thing to do now is tell her to shutup in an aggressive manner talking over her if necessary and immediately call the police if she ventures onto your property again so that they may caution or charge her with trespass.

    I would also send a short letter to your other neighbours explaining nicely that you think she is crazy and that is why you have taken the action that you have.

    • Don't really want to involve my new neighbours, they all have young kids to worry about and ignorance is bliss :)

  • +2

    If you think she can see into your property I have some advice for you… You and your wife should walk around in the nude ALL THE TIME. Smile and wave at her when you see her through the windows. Its completely legal and if she films you in your property that is completely illegal.

    Maybe she will build the fence for you.

    • +1

      If they can see you naked from a public area, you can be charged.

      I doubt filming would be illegal either, particularly from a public area.

      Plus strolling with your dick out is just inflaming the situation, it doesn't actually solve it.

  • +5

    If I knew who you were and in my jurisdiction, I'd provide you with some legal help myself. This is orientated towards QUEENSLAND!

    1. 'Justice examination order'. This is a form you can write down all the crazy shit she's done, get it witnessed by a justice of the peace and then file it, it'll notify the local mental health branch and they will give her an exam to see if she's batshit crazy

    2. Peace and good behaviour order. This if filed properly, served and taken to court and signed off on will stop her from doing all the crazy crap she's been doing. If not, off to court then possibly jail for her.

    Keep in mind, examine your state's criminal code for offences regarding stalking/harassment etc. Also notify the council that she files false complaints, make them get her to put it in a stat dec so she can be prosecuted for this as well when her complaint proves to be false.

    • +3

      Haven't read all of these, but just was reading backwards up the page and found this… Seriously - just move. Your wife is already tired of it. It must be in the back of both your minds all the time - what's next - even when next-door isn't thinking about you, you'll be thinking about her. Next she'll be throwing things over the fence, sneaking out at night to put stuff on your car, lawn, pinching mail, putting things into your mailbox, who knows! Tell your wife you love her to bits and think you should move, as this isn't the kind of life you want for the family you love, and then say - whaddya think!? I suspect she'll appreciate you more than ever before. This legal stuff is all well and good, but it protects no-one if done against the wrong person. Don't want the cost of moving? Rent it out - add the rent to your income - buy something else. Increase your wealth at the same time!

      • Years of legal training and law enforcement. I don't think she could pull anything I couldn't handle.

  • +1

    hide some drugs on her properties while she not home and Dob in a Dealer

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