R U OK OzBargainers? (2015)

neil on 10/09/2015 - 02:12

Last Thursday, someone in my partner's family took their life. He was young and vibrant and you'd of never guessed anything was wrong. He was smart, funny, doing well in his career and well liked.

The hardest part is wondering if you could have done something to prevent it. Just said something, just spent more time.

Don't wait for a free call day. Ring someone who you haven't spoken to for a while. Your Mum or Dad, brother, sister, friend from school, a former job - just one person.

-toristo

R U OK? Day is an annual day in September (today) dedicated to remind people to ask family, friends and colleagues the question, "R U OK?", in a meaningful way, because connecting regularly and meaningfully is one thing everyone can do to make a difference and even save lives.

One of the biggest challenges to OzBargain and other community sites is promoting an environment where everyone feels comfortable commenting in deals and discussions. Given OzBargain is about scrutinizing deals in an open and honest environment, we sometimes get negative comments that affect other users.

We should all recognize that our comments have consequences. People don't come here to be attacked or bullied. So if a moderator removes your comment, it's not us trying to censor you, it is us responding to complaints. And while some people may say suck it up and people should not be so sensitive, we should be aware that we don't truly know the people behind these accounts. Some are young, some may come to here to escape a tough reality, be mentally unbalanced, or they possibly could have thick skin. We just don't know.

We are hoping to work with R U OK? Day next year and in the meantime, myself and other mods will be learning about mental health preparedness for online communities.

So yes, ask family, friends and collegues (possibly utilizing free Virgin calls) how they are doing but don't forget to ask your family of OzBargainers how they are doing. We have forums where you can discuss relationships or anything else off-topic.

You can also feel free to chat with us in the private Talk with a Moderator forum if you have any OzBargain related issues. Or send me a PM about whatever you want (except moderation issues).

For confidential advice and support call a crisis support line – such as Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.

:)

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Comments

  • blitz on 10/09/2015 - 08:59
    +8

    Great work on posting this, Neil!!

  • toristo on 10/09/2015 - 09:38
    +12

    I'm really proud to be a part of a community where someone goes to the trouble of finding a post from a year ago.

    @neil, I'm sure your reason for posting this wasn't as a warm and fuzzy for me, but I want you to know it genuinely means something. I stood in front of my colleagues yesterday and asked them to wear something yellow or orange today, but couldn't bring myself to share the story of why today is important in my mind.

    Sometimes an online forum is a great place for people to connect in an environment where they feel safe and that they can speak freely with the security of anonymity. Sometimes it's a flame war - whether in jest or heated passion of seriousness. As @neil points out, our comments have consequences.

    If you are battling with mental illness, you have my deepest respect. I cannot begin to fathom how difficult it must be to even get out of bed some days, but I want you to know that there are people who do care.

    • Utopian on 10/09/2015 - 11:37
      +2

      Well said. We all know the internet as a place were faceless trolls hide. But it's a great place to use that separation for good, also.

      I've been through this situation, and online was the only place I could start to get it out of my head. In the end, I felt cleansed after just typing it… I clicked POST to promote discussion & awareness.

  • Scrooge McDuck on 10/09/2015 - 11:39
    +2

    Thanks for the reminder neil!

    I try to use every interaction I have with friends, family, crew, colleagues, acquaintances and some lucky strangers to check-in, see if they're OK and offer help when appropriate. But here on OzBargain we have an invaluable opportunity to reach people who may not have the social dynamic around them to be reached by anyone else. We should also remember that our comments are read by more than just the person we are replying to and even people who aren't (yet) registered members of OzBargain.

    If anyone needs to vent; my inbox is open too. I'll endeavour to reply after I get back from the gym.

    By the way, lifting weights (or performing other strenuous exercises) is a great way to relieve stress, exhaust aggression and lift one's mood. :)

  • fruit on 10/09/2015 - 13:14
    +3

    This organisation has some brilliant minds http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au for those that are looking for help.

  • neil on 10/09/2015 - 13:49
    +3

    Just found out that Lifeline has online chat. Very cool.

  • Lord Fart Bucket on 10/09/2015 - 21:09
    +1

    Perhaps a good resource for some: https://www.griffith.edu.au/health/australian-institute-suic…

  • [Deactivated] on 11/09/2015 - 00:33
    +1

    Gotta break the stigma/s that still exist out there. Weirdly (to me at least) they still do. Simple things like people being apprehensive or scared or reluctant to see a GP even though they know something isn't quite 'right' with themselves. Just feeling empty, unhappy, worthless, guilty, anxious, exhausted, struggling with self identity issues, have relationship problems, experience a lot of stress, generally feel like you could do with some extra coping skills, or simply feel like it would be nice to have someone unbiased/impartial to talk to and vent to.. just to unload all that stuff you carry around on your chest…

    Speaking to someone or seeking someone doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, or that you're ill. It means you're human and have needs. We all have them but many of us don't address them. Our lives are chaotic and we don't take the time out to care for ourselves as we should.

    Care for yourself. Care for those around you. Ask those you know and those you might barely know: are you okay? It takes no effort but can change the life path of someone.

    I've battled mental health issues. Been to the deepest depths, I'd say. Mostly come out the other side (always a way to go though - we all continue to grow slowly). It can be done. There's help. There's also a lot of wonderful support in the general community for people who are totally functioning, without any diagnoses, who simply have stress or family/relationship struggles (hey, who doesn't?) in their lives that they wish to learn strategies for, from psychologists. It's amazing what you can learn and how much better you can feel.

    Take care.

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