Living in a Faraway Country

[Deactivated] on 27/04/2015 - 21:13
Last edited 27/04/2015 - 21:14

Hi there,

Would you 'elope' with the person you love? What if it is to a faraway country? …and you don't speak the native language, although you seem to think you can wing it- you can't!

You also wouldn't be able to find a job in your field. You love your job. So much so that you told your boss, during your performance appraisal meeting, that you couldn't believe you are actually getting paid to work there. " I would do it for free!" you added.

On the plus side, you are very good at expressive hand gestures and you look amazing in boardies.

So would you do it?

Poll Options

  • 71
    Yes! where do I sign up :)
  • 20
    Hasta la Vista, Baby! Plenty of fish in the Australian sea.
  • 5
    What's in it for me?
Travel

Comments

  • mskeggs on 27/04/2015 - 21:29
    +4

    I'd do it without question. The person I love, and an exotic adventure? Sold. I could also use the "looking amazing in boardies".

    • [Deactivated] on 27/04/2015 - 21:30

      :)

      • mskeggs on 27/04/2015 - 21:33
        +1

        So, considering you and your partner share lots of stuff on this site, are you off to a tropical island? Do they have bargains there?

        • [Deactivated] on 28/04/2015 - 08:46

          Do they have bargains there

          Off the top of my head I'd say :free accomodation, free finger-licking food, free babysitting….

        • MiniMoo on 28/04/2015 - 16:48

          @wicket1120:

          Off the top of my head I'd say :free accomodation, free finger-licking food, free babysitting…

          In that case, yes, you should definitely go! Besides, I've heard Naboo is beautiful. You'd look cute in your little Ewok boardies. :)

        • [Deactivated] on 28/04/2015 - 18:02

          @MiniMoo: I've had enough of Naboo. I feel homesick.We're going back to Sanctuary Moon…hopefully:)

  • inherentchoice on 27/04/2015 - 22:03
    -1

    Travelling is about visiting places, isn't it?

    This post is about emigrating for a relationship.

    Should this be in the relationships forum rather than the travel forum?

    • [Deactivated] on 28/04/2015 - 08:49
      +2

      The relationship is fine. Its the uprooting and moving to another shore that is proving to be problematic.

      • inherentchoice on 28/04/2015 - 08:57

        It is still a relationship question rather than a travelling question. Emigrating is very different to being a tourist.

  • scrimshaw on 27/04/2015 - 22:07
    +6

    JJB, what's your input on this?

    edit: wait, what the heck happened to JJB's account?

    • mskeggs on 27/04/2015 - 22:21

      Wut?

      • scrimshaw on 27/04/2015 - 22:31

        User Jar Jar Binks, OP's spouse…

        • mskeggs on 28/04/2015 - 07:48

          Understood, just astonished JJB account is closed considering his posting volume. Or maybe that is the reason, going ozbargain cold turkey.

    • retiredfeline on 28/04/2015 - 08:35

      Do you reckon they're pulling up stakes? Or they've decided to use only one OzB account and it's really JJB asking this poll?

    • [Deactivated] on 28/04/2015 - 08:53
      +4

      He's fine…kind of :p

    • [Deactivated] on 29/04/2015 - 20:59
      +1

      @Scrimshaw,

      JJB, what's your input on this?

      Honestly? Leaving everything that I know behind is scary but not as scary as waking up one day and not finding her there, or worse, finding her there but knowing that thats not where she wants to be. Love sucks sometimes :/

      JJB

      • [Deactivated] on 29/04/2015 - 21:48

        :(

      • CVonC on 30/04/2015 - 01:55

        finding her there but knowing that thats not where she wants to be

        it's a little bit worrying if a person finds more happiness in the place they're at than the person they're actually with though..

        • UncommonName on 30/04/2015 - 03:20
          +1

          it's a little bit worrying if a person finds more happiness in the place they're at than the person they're actually with though..

          Exactly!

          I'd like to add - "It's not the Destination, but the Journey that Matters Most."

        • retiredfeline on 30/04/2015 - 09:42
          +1

          You need to allow for the fact that the OP has family there. Besides, this argument can also be applied to JJB: "Well you've got wicket1120 and the kids with you so what does it matter that you are in this faraway country?"

  • BigTed on 27/04/2015 - 22:21
    +3

    I don't understand - is there a reason you can't marry and stay here?
    Finding a job you love is an amazing thing and I wouldn't give it up too easily.

  • [Deactivated] on 27/04/2015 - 23:28
    +3

    Would you 'elope' with the person you love? What if it is to a faraway country?

    Yes.

    • [Deactivated] on 28/04/2015 - 20:02
      +1

      :)

  • retiredfeline on 27/04/2015 - 23:43
    +6

    Very simple, which would you rather think back about in 10 years time?

    I had a great adventure with my beloved,

    or

    I had a great time at that job.

    If nothing else you can write a best seller with the former. :D

    • [Deactivated] on 27/04/2015 - 23:56
      +3

      True dat.

      Besides, you can practically have to work into your golden years these days (in this country anyway). You've got a guaranteed long length of time to fit that all in..

      but up to what age would you be able to run off and do crazy, active, spontaneous, semi-rebellious, totally carefree things like this with your partner? Would it be the same if you were to delay it for years or decades even? (not doing it is also an option of course but a rather unexciting prospect and life path..)

      Dare I suggest that work will always be the same whether you cram it all in now, or take a break and come back to it later. Adventures.. slightly less so, don't you think? Even just in terms of what could be learnt from such adventures and exotic experiences at this stage in your life. Think of how it could shape you both. So much potential.

      At least you know what life is already like here. There's still a safety net. You don't have to stay wherever you 'try out', if it doesn't fit, right? With everything going on with things lately, it sounds like you could both do with at least a bit of a holiday, even if it isn't a full blown 'eloping' :)

      • retiredfeline on 28/04/2015 - 00:04
        +1

        So many imponderables, which is what makes it an interesting poll, on one side are the adventurers and on the other are the security-seekers.

        Personally I'd go with what makes me happier.

        • [Deactivated] on 28/04/2015 - 00:11
          +2

          So many imponderables

          Some might find these reads interesting (Alain de Botton's work is generally rather great).

          http://alaindebotton.com/travel/
          http://alaindebotton.com/work/

        • retiredfeline on 28/04/2015 - 00:24
          +2

          @waterlogged turnip: I once heard de Botton at the SWF*, incidentally coming soon in May. Probably the most entertaining and accessible philosopher I know of. I've got his Status Anxiety.

          * And there's a very appropriate theme for this year: Everything has been figured out, except how to live. — Jean-Paul Sartre

        • [Deactivated] on 28/04/2015 - 00:43
          +3

          @greenpossum:

          Status Anxiety.

          +1 so much. Helped me understand one family member in particular quite well, too. lol

          He knows how to make you feel uplifted and empowered to seek and enjoy happiness despite some of the frustrations or mundane aspects of daily life. As someone still trying to beat depression, I've found his stuff to be pretty helpful :) Nothing particularly Earth-shattering, but he's got such a gentle, lovely way of reminding you how simple and beautiful and pleasurable life can be, without trying to sugarcoat or overlook any cold realities of daily living.

        • [Deactivated] on 28/04/2015 - 14:43

          @waterlogged turnip:

          he's got such a gentle, lovely way

          What I'm going to say might sound harsh ,especially if you're a fan of his work but I've met him.I thought he was insufferably narcissistic.
          Article 1
          Article 2

        • [Deactivated] on 29/04/2015 - 21:32

          @greenpossum and @ Turnip:

          Probably the most entertaining and accessible philosopher I know of.

          I've met him too. He reminded me of Karl pilkington but not as likable or funny.

          But since you too like him, maybe he was having an off day when we met.

          JJB

          p.s: Turnip, I've always thought of you as an Ernest Hemingway kind of girl:

          The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed.

          :)

        • [Deactivated] on 29/04/2015 - 21:46
          +2

          @wicket1120:

          I've always thought of you an Ernest Hemingway kind of girl:

          More Sylvia Plath.. but I'm working on improving that lol

        • retiredfeline on 29/04/2015 - 22:20
          +1

          @wicket1120: When I write most entertaining and accessible philosopher, I am basing this on his writings and his speech at the SWF. I did not chat to him. I have no idea if he's a genial or insufferable person. To me those classifications are not interesting. It's about the message, not the messenger. If he has some advice that I can use I'll take it on board.

        • [Deactivated] on 29/04/2015 - 22:33

          @greenpossum:

          It's about the message, not the messenger. If he has some advice that I can use I'll take it on board.

          Couldn't have said it better myself.

  • UncommonName on 28/04/2015 - 00:30
    +2

    Definitely Yes! Love will always find a way, if you are with the right partner.

  • nikey2k27 on 28/04/2015 - 07:22
    +1

    Do you know person you love? have you meet them before? live warm part of aus is nice i live on oversea that why my english is so bad. enjoy life mean to be.

    • [Deactivated] on 28/04/2015 - 18:03
      +2

      Hi nikey :)

      yes I know him. I was born overseas too. I've been here for a long time but it still doesn't feel like home. I miss home.

      • nikey2k27 on 29/04/2015 - 11:37

        You need to move to where make you happy. Aus for me feel like home.

  • stemcell on 28/04/2015 - 14:45
    +1

    That you Shrek?

  • BertieBrown on 28/04/2015 - 15:24
    +1

    Hmm, I think depending on your personality that moving overseas to a foreign country could be a challenge if you don't have a support network in place.

    I don't know you obviously so it's hard to say, but that is something that I would be considering pretty carefully because in thought it sounds wonderful and it could be, however in practice you have to live with the realities of adjusting to life in a foreign country.

  • 2big4u on 28/04/2015 - 15:41
    +7

    I know I might get some negs for this…love is not everything. If I was well resouced with finances to help me start and maintain a pleasent life with my love then yes, whynot. BUT if I was still starting with little or no wealth. Then I would not risk it. After a year you will begin to regret it and may fall into depression. This may lead to disputes and even break up.
    If s/he also loved you why not stay?

    Looking forward for the negs ;)

    • airzone on 28/04/2015 - 17:34
      +2

      There are practical sides to relationships that love itself cannot supply. And people do become resentful when their basic needs are not being met.

      As to staying or not, there seems to be more to this story than meets the eye, and cannot therefore be fully assessed… (or more likely criticised when such problems are being brought to a board full of "professional" bargain seekers, as opposed to professional psychologists lol…)

    • [Deactivated] on 28/04/2015 - 19:22

      love is not everything

      True…but he's the Sun to my earth. Without him in my life, I would be nothing more than a dark, frozen, uninhabited planet :(

      • twodollah on 29/04/2015 - 10:53

        Do it! Follow your Khal Drogo.

  • airzone on 28/04/2015 - 17:30

    What is the motivation? That you have a foreign beau you want to be with, or you have a partner and are just running away.

    For the first point, this happens a lot, with variable levels of success. I have seen it twice within my family, with 2 different drivers, and 2 different results. This is a hard road, but can have a happy outcome. Be sure of the drivers!!

    For the second point, it sounds like you're running away from problems. When you add the practicalities of doing this - job, money, visas, communication barriers, accommodation, familiar food, friend & family support networks, etc… These just become more problems that need to be faced.. So run away again? Adding more emotional burden? Eventually problems need to be faced and dealt with. There aren't all that many unsolvable reasons why you'd run away from Australia.

    • [Deactivated] on 28/04/2015 - 19:52

      That you have a foreign beau you want to be with

      The foreign belle wants to go back home but she won't do it unless everyone's coming with me.

  • mskeggs on 28/04/2015 - 19:01
    +6

    Knowing what I've picked up about your family from posts here, can I suggest that you might want to talk it over a bit more and seek a consensus decision.
    I suspect in the right light this could be a tremendous opportunity, but might alternatively end up being something to regret somewhat if not carefully thought out. While I don't think it likely, nobody wants to feel they blame their partner for a bad decision, or wish to feel blamed. So reaching a consensus is very desirable.

    You have given the example here of a job you love, stacked against some other alternatives that aren't so clearly defined, because you have yet to experience them.
    That makes it hard to balance the two alternatives.
    Perhaps there is something concrete you have been dreaming of doing that could also come true at the same time as a result of this move? More travel or some other dream that has so far been unfulfilled (writing a book, learning a language, painting, charity work - whatever floats your boat).
    Almost certainly your employer would consider carefully the prospect of rehiring you if you one day return, and perhaps there are elements of your job you could continue doing while you are away, remotely? I know in my job there are bits I love, and bits I hate, and if I could do less of the hateful bits it would be grand. It might not have to be a complete break?

    So I guess my message is there seems like an underlying push that the change is driven by your partner's wishes. With so much in flux, the ability to choose a new abode, new work, new expenses/savings etc. you have a big opportunity to reshape your life and yourself. Are you able to add to, and direct the change so that it becomes your wish too?

    Before we had kids, my partner and I lived abroad for a few years, and it was tremendous, liberating and wonderful. It really was an opportunity to reboot the life that you fall into at home. All of a sudden there is no car payment, or Saturday morning sport or weekly obligation to do this or that. You are reborn and can shape your life more thoughtfully than the way most lives develop with little accretions of bits day to day until you end up with a giant ball of stuff that has grown around you while you weren't looking.

    I think you will have known this open, blank sheet feeling before, so consider how you might use it to your advantage to have it again. Good luck!

    • [Deactivated] on 28/04/2015 - 19:50

      Thank you :)

      You have given the example here of a job you love…

      No I haven't. I'm the one who wants to leave. He's the one who want to stay. At least for another 20-30 years. "After we retire", he says.I don't think I can wait that long. But I also can't leave without him; without them. And they won't stay without me.

      I apologise for misleading you but I purposefully tried to be as vague as I could in my OP. I wanted to hear what others would do if they were in his shoes. Why they would go. why they wouldn't. What they would have to sacrifice in the "name of love".

      • mskeggs on 28/04/2015 - 21:29
        +1

        Ha! I was thinking, gee, JJB always says his employer is great, and you posted that sad spiderman gif, I was a little worried.
        Would it be possible to go for a set time (12months maybe?). If cost of living OS is cheaper, you could conceivably rent out the AU place, spend a year with everyone doing something different. JJB takes 12 months unpaid leave. After a year, you would have some of your itchy feet cured, he might have changed his mind about staying settled for 25 years, but if he hasn't he can return to AU.
        Would that work? Or at least be a compromise?

        • [Deactivated] on 28/04/2015 - 21:46
          +1

          sad spiderman gif

          He recently had surgery.2 days after said surgery-it was a Monday morning- I found him slumped by the front door, drenched in sweat, with a sheepish look on his face. He had been trying to sneak out to go to work, while I was in the shower. I had to get a neighbour to help me get him back to bed because he was as weak as a newborn puppy. *sighs

          Thank goodness I've watched 50 shades of Grey. Otherwise I wouldn't have had a clue how to tie one's partner to the bed post :p He's much better, and much happier, now that he's back at work.

          After a year, you would have some of your itchy feet cured

          I want to go home. Each time go back for a holiday, it gets harder to board that flight that will bring me back here:(
          I've been in Oz for over a decade but I still haven't been able to bring myself to take the citizenship test. Its a beautiful country, wonderful people… but it doesn't call to me like my home country does.

        • airzone on 28/04/2015 - 22:08

          @wicket1120: what country if you don't mind being asked?

        • [Deactivated] on 29/04/2015 - 00:10

          @airzone:
          A beautiful, peaceful , tiny island nation in the middle of the Indian Ocean :)

        • UncommonName on 29/04/2015 - 02:00

          @wicket1120: Oh my, you are from Mauritius! No wonder you are missing your home country so much. If I were your partner, I would go there with you in a heartbeat. Well, visiting Mauritius has been a long cherished dream of mine :)

        • Rorschach on 29/04/2015 - 09:02
          +2

          @bargainaus:
          Not so fast, my friend!

        • UncommonName on 29/04/2015 - 09:56

          @sanstorm: what's ur point here?

        • Rorschach on 29/04/2015 - 17:27

          @bargainaus:
          Uh, that she might not be from Mauritius?

        • UncommonName on 29/04/2015 - 18:16

          @sanstorm: may not be, yes. But she said beautiful small island nation in indian ocean, and as far as I remember, JJB, her partner mentioned something similar here sometime ago.

        • CVonC on 30/04/2015 - 01:49

          @wicket1120:

          I've been in Oz for over a decade but I still haven't been able to bring myself to take the citizenship test. Its a beautiful country, wonderful people… but it doesn't call to me like my home country does.

          Nothing ever will if that's where you grew up.. it's harder for people who have migrated at an older age.. their heart will always be back at home.. but taking up citizenship doesn't forgo your patriotism.. well it shouldn't.. which I think is why you're feeling reluctant.. yes you're adopting the country as your own and taking on its nationality.. but you can always have dual citizenship anyway if that's your worry.. and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that too.

        • [Deactivated] on 30/04/2015 - 18:52

          @CVonV:

          taking up citizenship doesn't forgo your patriotism

          I could have dual citizenship if I wanted to , but I think it would be hypocritical of me to become a citizen and have a all the advantages that this entails, if deep down I know that I do not feel strongly enough about this country to swear allegiance to it?

      • retiredfeline on 29/04/2015 - 02:20
        +2

        It's tricky because you have children and it's no longer a scenario of just a couple staying or taking off for adventures. What you jointly decide to do will affect their futures. Is there any way you can come to some compromise plan, a few years here, a few years there, or maybe until the children are a certain age kind of arrangement? His career won't be so bright and you will still be homesick some of the time but at least your positions won't be poles apart. Anyway hope you work out something.

        Your island is on my bucket list. But being a visitor and living there are different things.

  • bokchoy on 28/04/2015 - 23:21
    +4

    Life is all about experiences, the world exists for us to explore - if someone gave up their previous life (eg left their country) to be with me then I would at least consider doing the same for them. At the end of the day a job is just that, do we live to work or work to live?

    I would ask oneself, what do you look forward to more, coming in to work or coming home to your partner/kids … understandably there is always a balance however if the answer is the latter it should not matter where you are in the world.

  • Hermestri on 29/04/2015 - 00:17
    +2

    Hard to say…

    Me and my beautiful wife are both from the "same" country(not really, but you can say that) and I have been here for much longer than her. I have a job I love and I could see for the first few years how she was struggling - she had to learn English and get used to only chat to her family over the Internet.

    To say the truth, we never considered moving back seriously, but if we did I think we would agree that our daughter will probably have much better life here, in Australia. Same applies to us.

    Besides both of us are starting(or mid-way) to fall in love with this country so I don't think we would ever move.

    So to answer you question, I think you should consider all benefits of living here in Australia, for you and for you children.

    If all fails, love is more important - but when one half sacrifices too much it can hit the rocks quickly.

    • kolorijo on 29/04/2015 - 08:18

      to add: love could turn to hate in the blink of an eye…

      • [Deactivated] on 29/04/2015 - 15:46

        love could turn to hate in the blink of an eye…

        Do you really believe that?

        • ProjectZero on 29/04/2015 - 17:25

          Well, here is a hypothetical then.

          If your BF cheats on you with your best friend, how would you feel?

          Annnd…. go!

          I believe it seeing as how messed up this world is and the people in it. May be cynical but it is life as we know it.

        • [Deactivated] on 29/04/2015 - 18:10

          @ProjectZero:

          If your BF cheats on you with your best friend, how would you feel?

          Hurt beyond words. You'd naturally go through all sorts of emotions including possibly feeling hate/anger at some points (it's a bit like grief, isn't it - people can feel all sorts of mixed emotions from deep sadness to even anger or bitterness maybe..).

          But to go from love to hate instantly.. even people who suffer from episodes of splitting would likely disagree that love dies in the "blink of an eye".

          Maybe I'm going off on a tangent / reading too much into a throwaway comment lol

        • ProjectZero on 29/04/2015 - 18:25
          +1

          @waterlogged turnip: I think the "blink of an eye" part is an exaggeration, but i do believe that it can happen quite quickly.

          Funnily, from what I remember of my intro psy lectures, it was stated that females are more fickle when it comes to love and romance. During any breakup, love dies slower for males than females regardless of which initiated it. Whether that is true or not I'm unsure but quite interesting.

          Having said that, it might be possible for females more often than males to turn from love to hate quicker.

          I think "splitting" is just a very extreme form of a dysfunctional relationship… and dysfunctional relationships shouldn't really be considered in this case.

        • retiredfeline on 29/04/2015 - 18:40

          @waterlogged turnip: I think this is a well-known psychological phenomenon. It's like the game in the management courses some of us took. You're asked to think of a certain person and then name a good quality. Then you are asked to recast it as a pejorative quality. An example of a pair relevant to OzB'ers would be:

          Thrifty - Stingy

          You can think of a horde of others. Anyway when a break-up happens suddenly the endearing quirks of the ex become detested behaviours. The person hasn't changed suddenly but our perception has, to justify the betrayal of hope. That's how it happens "in a blink". That's why we have to learn, no matter how difficult it is, to accept people just as they are, and not paint them in an unrealistic light either way.

    • Logical on 29/04/2015 - 14:21
      -1

      Australia is definitely not the 'lucky' country that it used to be. So if you are just starting to (or mid-way) to fall in love with it, there is a good chance you will never reach that position. Greed, corruption, bad decisions made on political agendas, etc is way on the increase and AU is dropping quickly on the 'lucky country' list. On the other hand, a lot of other countries that have developed over the last 10-20 years definitely have the 'lucky' factor growing, and OP should definitely look at the prospect of moving. My first step would be to secure a property in the other country as this will be the backbone of the growing family.

  • vroomkroom on 29/04/2015 - 09:29
    +1

    Personally, I will sit down with my other half and make a deal.i.e, lets move and see how it works. If it doesn't work then we come back but to move continents you will have to give at least 3 years to establish your dreams ( Once again ?) You would have come to Australia a decade ago with some dreams the same applies when you go back home as well. I am with you on " I don't feel I belong here" comment because returning to home country is a regular dinner time topic with friends for the same reason. No country is perfect but where you find inner peace is a perfect place to bring up your family.

  • slow on 29/04/2015 - 16:13
    +6

    I gave up "everything" and moved to a foreign country (Australia) for someone I had met on holiday a year before (and had kept in contact with)….now 15 years marriage and 2 kids later…

    If it feels right do it

  • AssamLaksa on 29/04/2015 - 18:11

    Depends on where this place is. Am I moving to a land of dragons, magic and fairytales with my beloved? Then definitely yes, because whatever occupation I currently have can't possibly beat "dragon slayer" or "wizard".

    If I'm moving to a war-torn zone where everyone's dying then uh.. maybe not

    Also, such a hypothetical question… I honestly doubt everyone who had voted "YES!" would genuinely definitely do it. It all depends on the circumstances!

  • umamandy on 29/04/2015 - 21:36
    +2

    Hmm… Interesting dilemma. I dunno. In my shoes I'm likely to follow my S.O wherever he goes. But that's because I could probably get a job anywhere.

    It's sad to leave any workplace that you like, but it's not to say that you won't find a job in your new country. So really, wiki's emotional well-being > job.

    I am aware this is a long-term commitment though. I think it'd be best if you sat down with the kids and the rellies and talked about it with them.

    Tldr, no answer, just hugs and hopes for the best from yours truly.

  • apey2000 on 30/04/2015 - 00:51
    +1

    From experience, it's a fork in the road of life, and in most cases there isn't a wrong or right answer. Both choices can equally lead to happiness or misery at some point in the future.

    Based on your feelings and instincts you take a leap of faith, either way. Whatever the choice, you stick with it and deal with the consequences the best you can.

    However whatever decision you make there will always be an opportunity cost. This could be in the form or friendships or family left behind, irreversibly damaged career, quality of life, kids' futures, etc.

    If it were me, I'd think of the kids first before I think of anything else.

  • CVonC on 30/04/2015 - 01:16
    +1

    You've been here for over a decade now and you're yet to feel completely at home? :/ While it is perfectly okay and natural to be homesick, you're kind of being a little bit self-centred tbh. Does it really matter where you live? As long as you're together right? And since you have kids, isn't that a much more significant factor to consider (education, lifestyle, etc)? You have the privilege of being able to take holidays to your motherland often. It is not just him that will have to make the sacrifice, it will be the kids too. Perhaps consider taking longer holidays during the summer vacation with the kids if it's feasible. You have a (seemingly) good life here with the man you evidently adore, whom you also shared the gift of raising up your beautiful children. If you had no kids, then it's a bit more understandable to be feeling the way you do. You have to weigh everything up and compromise. I agree with what @mskeggs said above and here and also @greenpossum here.

    • ProjectZero on 30/04/2015 - 10:49

      I agree that the kids are probably impacted the most in this sort of thing. I moved over to Aus, when I was 7 y.o., I can tell you that the sudden change whilst stimulating for a child's growth, does suck because they would have to adapt to the new environment which can be difficult if they don't know the language. They may feel isolated as they had to leave their friends behind. Making new friends initially may also prove challenging as they don't speak the language. Seeing as English is a universal language, it might not be too difficult for your kids but still prove to be an issue at first.

      I'm not saying OP should give up on one day moving back to her home country, but I would suggest taking CVonV's advice and take longer holidays when possible and think about moving once the kids are able to give their point of view as well?

      • [Deactivated] on 30/04/2015 - 11:34

        The kids will adapt easier than the adults.

        • ProjectZero on 30/04/2015 - 12:07

          Yes, that is true, but adults also have more of a choice as compared to the kids. In other words, the adults will be more prepared for the move as opposed to the kids.

        • [Deactivated] on 30/04/2015 - 12:50
          +1

          @ProjectZero: Exactly. Children do not really control their lives at home or away.

          • Their life would continue on much the same (going to school, coming home, going to bed), and they do not have to deal with the stress of the logistics of such a move.
          • The main people in a child's life tend to be their immediate family (who will be along for the adventure).
          • Making friends is easier as a child (Hey, I like your bag, let's be friends!).
          • Learning a language is easier as a child.

          It is a generally accepted norm that young people will learn and adapt better/faster to change than older people, who are more ingrained in their ways. "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."

        • ProjectZero on 30/04/2015 - 13:08
          +1

          @woolfenstein: Slight over simplification if you ask me… I've been in that situation that's why I thought I'd share.

          Their life would continue on much the same (going to school, coming home, going to bed), and they do not have to deal with the stress of the logistics of such a move.

          Yes, but imagine doing all that in a new environment where you don't speak the language and no one you can play with for at least the first week or so. Your immediate family is not always going to be there.

          The main people in a child's life tend to be their immediate family (who will be along for the adventure).

          Not necessarily true, family is important but a social life is too. Again, not having friends around for the first few weeks and having to go home with nothing but a wall to talk to is depressing (I realise the OP has two children but I'm putting this point across nonetheless)

          Making friends is easier as a child (Hey, I like your bag, let's be friends!).

          Provided you speak the language…

          Learning a language is easier as a child.

          Will still take time, it took me six months to be able to speak english fluently when I first moved here.

          I completely understand where you are coming from and it is applicable if you are moving to a country with similar culture and customs, but having to adapt to new culture and customs will be difficult no matter how old you are.

        • [Deactivated] on 30/04/2015 - 14:36

          @ProjectZero: Slight over-subjectification if you ask me. Children's lives ARE simple.

          • Why couldn't the children play with anyone, or speak any part of the language in the first week? (Not that one week is any great length of time anyway). Presumably OP speaks the language and the children can begin to learn before they are even there. Children also have to go to school, where there will be a plethora of opportunities to make friends and socialise.

          • How many CHILDREN (ie < 12) do you know that have and organise their own social life? I know when I was 12 I ate, slept, went to school, watched tv, played sport… occasionally played at a friends house or had one over. The only people I even knew were all known through my family or through school.

          • I have made friends with people whilst travelling and we did not speak the same language. I have heard this is a widespread phenomenon.

          • Six months is nothing to be able to speak a language fluently. Well done! Challenge an adult to become anywhere near fluent in 6 months and it will likely never happen.

          I can see you hold a different, subjective opinion. Perhaps you are a child and moving seems like the end of the world. But… it's not.

        • ProjectZero on 30/04/2015 - 14:58

          @woolfenstein:

          Why couldn't the children play with anyone, or speak any part of the language in the first week? (Not that one week is any great length of time anyway). Presumably OP speaks the language and the children can begin to learn before they are even there. Children also have to go to school, where there will be a plethora of opportunities to make friends and socialise.

          Valid point, but again, language may still be a barrier. Yes you can still play with other children, nothing can stop your kids, but will the other children want to play if they can't understand you or if you can't understand them?

          How many CHILDREN (ie < 12) do you know that have and organise their own social life? I know when I was 12 I ate, slept, went to school, watched tv, played sport… occasionally played at a friends house or had one over. The only people I even knew were all known through my family or through school.

          You still need to be able to communicate to (a certain extent) enjoy the activities bolded. Again, sure the kids may be able to speak it but it comes down to how fluent they are.

          I have made friends with people whilst travelling and we did not speak the same language. I have heard this is a widespread phenomenon.

          Valid point, but was this as a child or as an adult? Again adults and children have different ways to adapt to things.

          Six months is nothing to be able to speak a language fluently. Well done! Challenge an adult to become anywhere near fluent in 6 months and it will likely never happen.

          Not my point, point is it may take them time to adjust to the school life and the culture, and as I've put forward, knowing the language will help adjusting. It isn't always about the adults is what I am trying to say.

          I can see you hold a different, subjective opinion. Perhaps you are a child and moving seems like the end of the world. But… it's not.

          I am actually a working adult… those were from my past experience, I know it isn't the end of the world. But to kids, it will still be just as difficult to adjust as it is for adults. Learning new things and experiencing new things is good for the growth of a child. That is why I said to take CVonV's advice and have to visit the place first, see how they would like to live there etc.

        • [Deactivated] on 30/04/2015 - 15:49
          -1

          @ProjectZero:

          • In my experience of having foreign language students come to my school, and stories of friends who have come over at about 10 or so… EVERYONE wanted to play with them/teach them English. In fact, most new kids at school seem to enjoy a somewhat celebrity status, at least for a week or two.

          • Yes, and you can communicate (to a certain extent) without needing to know the language. Also, whether you choose to believe it or not, children are faster to learn and retain information easier than adults.

          • I was an adult. I have also witnessed small children from the Pacific Islands interact and play with tourists without sharing a single common word. Even if you did not experience it as a child, it is still certainly possible.

          • What was your point? That it takes time to adjust? Of course it does. Should we never change for fear of a period of adjustment?

          • I thought the OP said they had travelled there to holiday multiple times.

          As stated, I do understand you have SUBJECTIVE experience of being a child and moving. Regrettably I do not put much stock in people's subjective evidence. I did not argue the children would be unaffected by moving, but that it certainly has less of an impact than it would in an adult's life. Perhaps this has to do with the FACT that children do not have as much of a "life" as compared to an adult.

        • ProjectZero on 30/04/2015 - 16:00

          @woolfenstein:
          I agree that children learn faster then adults, that point I'm not saying is incorrect, what I wanted to express was that the child's opinion should also be taken into consideration.

          I was an adult. I have also witnessed small children from the Pacific Islands interact and play with tourists without sharing a single common word. Even if you did not experience it as a child, it is still certainly possible.

          I would not consider that a friendship, would be my point.

          What was your point? That it takes time to adjust? Of course it does. Should we never change for fear of a period of adjustment?

          Referring to my previous statement, the readjustment period would be just as stressful for the kids as it is for the adults is what I am trying to say. I never said that we should avoid change.

          I did not argue the children would be unaffected by moving, but that it certainly has less of an impact than it would in an adult's life.

          This is the part I disagree with, why would you say it impacts less on a child's life than an adults. Stress is stress regardless of age. If anything I would argue that it would be more of an impact on the children as opposed to the adults, they have perceived control over the move whilst the children are thrust into it.

          Of course everyone has their own views so I'll leave it at that

        • [Deactivated] on 30/04/2015 - 16:12
          -1

          @ProjectZero:

          • You cannot change your point from being able to communicate/play/socialise to being able to form lasting friendships without speaking the same language (this will obviously progress over time as more time is spent in the country/fluency becomes better).

          • You have no evidence or reasoning as to why it would be just as stressful for a child to move. I have provided plenty for why it would be less. In fact…

          Here is some more! A list of things adults might stress about when moving to another country that children will not: * Employment * Housing * Money * Significant other/partner * Children * Educational quality (as opposed to just "going to a new school") * Etc, etc, etc.

          If you don't get it by now, you never will. There are complexities in adult life that are just not present in childhood. What is easier to change - something simple and relatively new - or something complex and relatively old?

        • ProjectZero on 30/04/2015 - 16:51

          @woolfenstein:

          I never aimed it as a single point of communication/play/socialise. communication leads to forming friendship, this seems intrinsically linked so I never thought of point it out, clearly I should have. I merely said that communication is an important factor for the child as well as the adult. Reason for this train of thought, without communication, it is difficult to organise social activities, as you put it sports, hanging out at someone's/your house. Watching TV also becomes less interesting if you don't understand it. Fluency becomes better as time progresses true, but again time is the key here, how long will it take? Would they be able to do all those activities until they can at least express themselves well enough?

          There are complexities in adult life that are just not present in childhood.

          Your treating a child's mind in the same manner as an adults'. Children's minds are less rational and logical, what we find easier to deal with may be harder for a child. Why? Because their minds are still developing. We are used to dealing with stuff like…

          • Employment * Housing * Money * Significant other/partner * Children * Educational quality (as opposed to just "going to a new school") * Etc, etc, etc.

          A child is not and will only care about how they are going to be treated in school, if they will find friends to play with etc. It would be more important to them. Quantity does not always trump quality, in this case just because there is more on an adults plate does not necessarily mean more stress.

          Referring to Maslow's hierarchy, you move onto the next stage of the hierarchy once the previous level has been satiated. If an adult is stuck on the higher levels whilst a child is stuck on the lower levels, why would the higher levels cause more stress? Don't say livelihood because to a child, their school live is their livelihood.

          My opinion of the OP's post… ask the children to see if they like living there or wait til they are older for their educated response.

      • [Deactivated] on 30/04/2015 - 18:07
        +1

        My husband and kids are multilingual. They are fluent in the 2 official languages on the island. These are the languages that are used in formal settings: work, schools and administrative purposes.The 3rd language, the one that is used everywhere else ( home, when you're having a chat with your friends…etc) is almost impossible to learn unless you've actually lived there for a while.

        My kids are twins. They've had a bestfriend from the moment they were born.They are also of mixed ethnicity (tri-racial). Because of these 2 things, they almost always stand-out (in a good way) wherever they go. They are used to it by now.

    • [Deactivated] on 30/04/2015 - 18:01
      +3

      since you have kids, isn't that a much more significant factor to consider (education, lifestyle, etc)

      A few people have been assuming that we will be worse off if we move. That's not the case. My home country has a better education and health system. Both are also free. Public transport is probably just as bad as here but at least its free for all students (including part-time ones) and pensioners.

      Lifestyle-wise: close-knit communities, very family-orientated, low crime rates,beautiful beaches …etc It is one of the top tourist destinations in the world, so there's plenty to do, see and explore.

      No deadly/scary animals on or near the island: no snakes, sharks, scary spiders, aggressive birds…etc

      we are also a peace-loving nation.We don't believe in war.We don't have enemies. We don't even have a proper army. why spend money on defence when that money could be better spent on social welfare?

      It is a multi-cultural country. We are taught to respect each other culture:learning about other cultures and their languages form part of the school curriculum We are encouraged to celebrate our differences but at the end of the day we all know that we "stand together as one people, as one nation". IMHO, its multi-culturalism done right. We've even invented a language,a sort of lingua franca, which is a mash-up of all the languages that is spoken on the island. Because, like I said, we don't believe you should give up who you are, to become one of us.

      So how is it wrong that I want my children to grow up in a place like that? I think the question is more , how could I not want my children to grow up in a place like that?

      • maximum on 07/05/2015 - 04:00
        +1

        It sounds like you have decided in your heart what to do. My sister and husband moved to Sweden - (from England where they moved over 10 years ago - before kids)- without much Swedish and the kids had practically none they were about 2 and 6. While it was hard for a while for the kids they are settled now and the kids are thriving - the eldest came top in Swedish one year after starting to learn the language and the 2 year old was throwing tantrums in Swedish within weeks.

        I personally would never leave Australia as this is where my family support is and I love it with all my heart but if this is not the case for you what does it hurt to give it a try. The children can come back when they are older if they wish as they are Australian (I assume) and I am sure that even if you love your job you can find other outlets for your talents in your home country. Good luck with whatever choice you make.

  • kosh52 on 30/04/2015 - 18:04

    i will travel anywhere for a root

  • Gnostikos on 01/05/2015 - 00:23
    +3

    I don't see the difficult part in finding a suitable partner and depending on their commitment to your plan; it's finding a suitable country.

    Everywhere else desirable that you could picture yourself staying in long-term (e.g. somewhere in the Western world) has been homogenised with the rest of the First World. They're likely going to be globalised and Americanised to a similiar degree that Australia is.

    The allure of the exotic and wiping the slate clean I think would wear off incredibly quickly and you'd find your life experience, quality of living and personal issues would probably be mirrored to a huge extent.

    Everyone else is a 9-5 worker bee up to their necks in mortgages, bills to pay, broken family dynamics and forlorn dreams…
    The grass really does seem greener on the other side but having travelled to every continent aside from the one below ours, I can't say I see the world in the same idealised light. I always find so many reasons to come back to Australia; even with comparable or seemingly "better" nations.

    I couldn't "elope" unless it was for a truly disparate life; and unfortunately those are only to be in had in countries that have a whole host of social, economic and political issues that don't make them so attractive to visit, much less live in.

    You're in a privileged position with too much choice, like most of us. It's normal to think something far-flung and completely paradoxical would solve all your ailments. Dreams have a nasty habit of becoming reality, and reality has a well-known bias against you.

    • ahly92 on 01/05/2015 - 08:29
      +2

      great post!…I've been reading most of your comments and you seem like a smart intelligent person :)

  • Bystander on 01/05/2015 - 04:32
    +1

    Putting the discussion aside for a moment, you've got me and possibly others interested.

    Would it compromise your anonymity if you told us which island?

  • Davros on 01/05/2015 - 05:34

    Is anywhere a far a way country these days
    Jet travel and skype makes things seem awfully close

  • Davros on 01/05/2015 - 05:36

    "It is a multi-cultural country. We are taught to respect each other culture:learning about other cultures and their languages form part of the school curriculum We are encouraged to celebrate our differences but at the end of the day we all know that we "stand together as one people, as one nation". IMHO, its multi-culturalism done right. We've even invented a language,a sort of lingua franca, which is a mash-up of all the languages that is spoken on the island. Because, like I said, we don't believe you should give up who you are, to become one of us."

    New Cal/Vanuatu?

    • retiredfeline on 01/05/2015 - 12:19

      In another comment OP specified Indian Ocean.

    • Cheap Steve on 01/05/2015 - 14:33

      Mauritius

  • Shoppingisfun on 01/05/2015 - 11:55
    +2

    It sounds to me as though you and your family have a lot to gain wicki and not so much to lose.
    Really important to make sure everyone feels their concerns have been heard though and if possible mitigated.
    It might also be good for everyone's peace of mind to have sort of an 'exit plan' eg. take leave of absence, rent out your place rather than sell etc.
    Worst case scenario it doesn't work out and you come back to Aus.
    I wish you all the best of luck :)

  • jazzcomp on 01/05/2015 - 12:22
    +2

    I'd give it a go to have no regrets but I'm a bit set in my ways and I know what I like. I'll probably complain and leave after trial period. ;)

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