How much money should I give as a wedding gift?

Lej888 on 09/07/2014 - 02:35
Last edited 09/07/2014 - 05:41 by 1 other user

Hey guys

What is the acceptable amount these days when you give money as a wedding gift?

The wedding I am going to is a colleague's I was thinking to give $100-150 (going on my own) but when I discussed with a colleague who's attending the same wedding said she's giving $50.

Another colleague said she is not giving any more (i.e. $0/no gift on the wedding day) because the bride's hens night already cost everyone $190pp

It is a half-asian wedding and cash-gifting is the norm for most asian cultures.

What do you guys think??

General Discussion

Comments

      • allyemil on 14/07/2014 - 16:07

        Not at all and clearly you've missed my point. I see myself as privileged if I'm invited to a wedding. If a couple and their families invite me and pay quite a bit too see me there, then I'd like to repay that instead of seeing it as a nice night out and dinner and drinks at someone else's expense.

        It doesn't have to be money by the way, but a nice and more importantly relevant and helpful present is sometimes better than money. A stupid present like something you would buy for someone as their secret santa is just plain insulting.

        • StewBalls on 14/07/2014 - 17:09
          +3

          Fair enough, but you could have explained that a hell of a lot better in your original comment. I was wondering about some of your original comments though:

          Personally, I'd be insulted if i invited someone to a wedding and they gave $50 as a gift.

          There could be some exceptions where for example a friend or a family member is in bad financial situation at the time.

          So how would you know…would you expect friends & family to divulge their confidential financial position to you in order to justify your own arbitrary "poorness" threshold for potential token povvo guests? Most people I've known in dire financial straits are so embarrassed about it that they go out of their way to hide the fact that they're not doing so well…that includes family, friends & spouses!

          No, the invitation to a wedding is not to get money, but out of respect for the couple and to help them pay some of the wedding costs

          That's a bit of a contradiction there Ally, let's face facts, you really are still thinking about the bottom line…aren't you?

          It doesn't have to be money by the way, but a nice and more importantly relevant and helpful present is sometimes better than money.

          Absolutely, we're on the same page there…

          A stupid present like something you would buy for someone as their secret santa is just plain insulting.

          Seriously, and let's be brutally honest here; do you really know anybody who would actually do that (because I certainly do not); but more importantly, are they the kind of person you'd be inviting to your wedding anyway???

        • tikei on 15/07/2014 - 05:37
          +1

          A good friend would want to give the best thing they can afford.

          On the other hand I don't believe a good friend should demand a friend to give the best thing they can afford.
          Seems very entitled.

        • allyemil on 15/07/2014 - 10:40

          @StewBalls:

          So how would you know…would you expect friends & family to divulge their confidential financial position to you in order to justify your own arbitrary "poorness" threshold for potential token povvo guests? Most people I've known in dire financial straits are so embarrassed about it that they go out of their way to hide the fact that they're not doing so well…that includes family, friends & spouses!

          Well i personally know a fair few people who have no issues talking about it, but for the ones who don't, saying "i can't make it to the wedding" is totally fine by me. I don't really care what the reason is. In fact, couple of my good friends didn't come to my own wedding. I knew it was because of financial situation, although they didn't say that. All these years later, we are still great friends and will hopefully be for many more years to come.

          @StewBalls:

          That's a bit of a contradiction there Ally, let's face facts, you really are still thinking about the bottom line…aren't you?

          Ok, I'll admit that didn't come out right and is a contradiction. I didn't mean it that way, so perhaps just ignore the last bit of that sentence. That said, i still believe it is disrespectful for people who are well off and living comfortably to come just because they will get cheap food and drinks at someone's expense. And please keep in mind that I'm not referring to good friends who are in financial trouble, hell they don't need to give anything at all and I'd still like them to come to the wedding.
          As i have said before, all my comments are in reference to the people who are decently stable financially yet are too tight to give but are more than happy to receive.
          For my own personal friends and family, i don't care, they are more than welcome to come, with or without the present, but more often than not, a lot of wedding guests are parents friends and distant relatives who were invited because the parents wanted them to be there.

          Hope I've somewhat clarified what i meant with my comments. If not, then I think we will just have to agree to disagree.

        • StewBalls on 15/07/2014 - 11:11
          +1

          @allyemil:

          As i have said before, all my comments are in reference to the people who are decently stable financially yet are too tight to give but are more than happy to receive.

          That is just human nature Ally, some people are just like that; you'll save yourself a lot of grief over a lifetime by accepting it & getting over it. Using it to second guess the motivations of everyone you invite to a celebration will just cause everybody unnecessary hardship.

          Hope I've somewhat clarified what i meant with my comments.

          Not really, without trying to be too adversarial you just appear to have done a couple of backflips & made a few justifications. It honestly looks to me like you might need to re-evaluate the net worth of some of your utility friendships…are some of these people really worth considering as 'friends'???

          If not, then I think we will just have to agree to disagree.

          No problem, cest la vie, all the best… :)

        • ThadtheChad on 19/07/2014 - 19:59
          +2

          @allyemil:

          Sorry I had to comment on this (as I found it absolutely jarring):

          Well i personally know a fair few people who have no issues talking about it, but for the ones who don't, saying "i can't make it to the wedding" is totally fine by me. I don't really care what the reason is. In fact, couple of my good friends didn't come to my own wedding. I knew it was because of financial situation, although they didn't say that.

          Would it be acceptable for you that a few friends skipped your wedding simple because they couldn't pay enough to let you "ROI" on the wedding?

          IMHO there needs to be a shift from invitees "subsidising" your wedding to having a wedding that you can afford and the primary intent for invitations is to share the moment with your closest friends and family.

    • sal78 on 14/07/2014 - 11:53
      +5

      wow if my friends couldn't afford to come rather than not inviting them because they weren't contributing enough cash, I'd rather scale back the wedding.

      People want the works nowadays. This generation of kids are so spoilt.

      • allyemil on 14/07/2014 - 16:13
        -1

        So you are saying i should scale back the wedding because of a few people at the expense of the majority of people who actually can afford it? That would be a bit unfair towards the majority, don't you think?
        It would be a lot more respectful if people who can't afford to come say something.
        One or two people i know have done that and i quite frankly respect that. IF i know someone who i know does not earn much or is not in a stable and decent financial situation, then fair enough and they are more than welcome to come with no present of any kind, but if i know a couple and they are on the combined income of say $200k with no major expenses as most people, you damn bloody straight I assume they can afford more than $50 combined.

        • notarealperson on 14/07/2014 - 17:28

          meh deleted

        • inasero on 14/07/2014 - 18:24
          +3

          That's not how it works IRL. People aren't going to be straight up honest with you and say "sorry I'm struggling financially" - it just puts everyone in an awkward situation really.

          Also, that's what a wedding should be about - to be able to share a special moment in your life with friends and family. Sure, a wedding isn't cheap to host, and it would be nice to recover part of those costs and to be able to start married life together on the right foot, HOWEVER if you lose out a bit at the end then it's not the end of the world at least you had fun in the process right?

          As StewBalls alluded to, I think most people have good intentions and wouldn't willingly give small gifts if it could be helped. I know my friends well enough to know that they're not that kind of people and if they did decide to give a smaller gift (for whatever reason) then there must have been a reason for it.

          Maybe I'm a bit idealistic but I say give what you can with a sincere heart (doesn't have to be money), don't feel obliged to give a certain amount, and also don't take it too personally if you don't receive the expected amount.

        • richmond12 on 14/07/2014 - 18:35
          +3

          I think the real winner here is the wedding industry

        • sal78 on 14/07/2014 - 18:46
          +6

          Well I did that. I scaled back my wedding to 150 guests, had absolutely no expectations of presents or monetary gifts but i did a gift registry just in case ppl were stimped with what to buy and i spent money absolutely not expecting to recover any of it back. I married at 22….quite naive and innocent and not calculative.

          Some of our best gifts were from the gift registry. We are still using the dinnerware set, stick blender, cutlery set etc 12 yrs later!

          in asia, relatives give you money before the wedding so u can pay the reception on the day and they give u a small token on they day in a red packet during the tea ceremony. Heaps of my relatives came over from asia for our wed. we paid their accommodation expenses eventhough they tried to resist. anyway, the night before the wedding we were all staying together at the hotel and my dad came to see me and gave a heaps of red packets. it inuded relos that couldnt make it. he explained that i can use it to pre pay reception. i was so touched!

          we also had stingy ppl at our wedding but it didnt matter. we know their personality but they have other good traits. it didnt matter at all. bless others as you have been bless. as long as u do good..

          and when we went to those stingy froends wedding we still gave them what we could afford and we wanted to bless them because of how lucky we have been… just by not expecting anything at all.

          i really get annoyed at asian weddings.. so calculative, writing names of who gave how much on a record book so they give the same back later, counting cash on the wedding night… its so bad.

        • tikei on 15/07/2014 - 06:33
          +3

          So you are saying i should scale back the wedding because of a few people at the expense of the majority of people who actually can afford it?

          so it's friends who have to pay and afford your wedding? XD

          out of respect for the couple and to help them pay some of the wedding costs

          The bride and groom shouldn't expect the guests to pay for the cost of their wedding like that, should be seen as a gesture of good will. Please don't budget a wedding with the expectation to offset some of the cost with gifts from friends. Otherwise it just becomes… Holding your wedding using your friends' money. If you can't afford your wedding without taking into account red pocket money, need to scale back.

          It would be a lot more respectful if people who can't afford to come say something.

          Only if you knew they were poor beforehand. If you send an invite they would either be too embarrassed to talk about their situation or they tell you and something like this may happen:

          Friend: "sorry my car has been totaled and I need to buy a new one, my dad needs knee surgery and there's also mortgage; I'm pretty strapped atm."

          Bride and groom: "oh, yes, no worries, we understand."

          (bride and groom then talk to others behind friend's back on how stingy he is and the 'lies' and 'excuses' he made up)

        • Mumbles on 16/07/2014 - 04:52
          +1

          @sal78:
          For your overseas relatives there's an added dimension you need to factor. Australia has a higher foreign currency exchange rate than most countries so what seems little to you might have cost your relatives 6x the income to produce.

          I'm sure if you discuss with your other married friends you will find that a lot of them were lucky to see one overseas relative.

        • ThadtheChad on 19/07/2014 - 20:09
          +1

          So you are saying i should scale back the wedding because of a few people at the expense of the majority of people who actually can afford it? That would be a bit unfair towards the majority, don't you think?
          It would be a lot more respectful if people who can't afford to come say something.

          Sorry allyemil, you come of as an absolutely entitled twunt in the above. Not sure if that was your intent.

          Yes you should scale back your wedding IF YOU cannot afford it. The gifts from guests is a "nice to have" and should not be counted on to subsidise/ROI your wedding. I'm absolutely gobsmacked that you would prefer that people who are having financial difficulties should give a "justification" as to why they cant afford your "entry fees".

          One or two people i know have done that and i quite frankly respect that. IF i know someone who i know does not earn much or is not in a stable and decent financial situation, then fair enough and they are more than welcome to come with no present of any kind, but if i know a couple and they are on the combined income of say $200k with no major expenses as most people, you damn bloody straight I assume they can afford more than $50 combined.

          You would be justified to feel a bit bad about that. However, it shouldn't be enough to make you rage about it. You invited people to attend your wedding. The gift to you is, their time, their presence, their participation and lastly any token presents. :)

  • DEvok on 14/07/2014 - 12:34
    -2

    I went to a asian wedding and me and my partner gave Hennessy xo whisky, thats aint cheap stuff. It was my preferred choice of gift, you don't always need to give money, the thought always counts, money is just lazy, I do believe some also get offended that money is the only thing you could think of and not be creative.

    And again if you worry about not giving any money, you could always go half and half, a gift and money also works.

    • PcisT on 14/07/2014 - 16:06

      The catch here was the wedding couple were recovering alcoholics.

  • PcisT on 14/07/2014 - 16:10

    Anyone reading this thread should keep in mind the typical poster of this forum - they do not represent society as you know it in general so you may need to factor that in.

    • StewBalls on 15/07/2014 - 10:26

      So PcisT, what exactly is your impression of society as you know it & the massive differences you've spotted on OzB that you need to factor in???

      I'm genuinely interested…

  • sal78 on 14/07/2014 - 18:57

    imagine 12 yrs ago… i had some friends go half on a gift from the gift registry $50 so $25 each lol shocking right? our wedding was considered exxy at that time and i hated the drinks package so we had a bar tab with a list of dtinks i picked out inc whisky and cocktails. so 1 person could spend $100 alone on drinks.

    well 12 yrs later, i'm even closer to those friends! i dont regret anything and i totally cherish those gifts. we are great friends, our children play together, they have bought us many gifts and shouted dinner etc

    my husband never judged my friends either at the time and im so thankful to him for that! we both did not judge.

  • Mysterious on 15/07/2014 - 01:20
    -3

    $100, but I'm too stingy for $100, so I'd give $50 and a $20 gift in hopes that they'd think the gift was worth $50.

    It does also depend on the price of the wedding costs too, if its a high cost wedding then I'd probably go with the $100.

    • StewBalls on 15/07/2014 - 10:31
      +1

      The great thing about OzB is that quite often you can score a nice $100-$200 RP gift for sub-$50 & do an end-run around the actual monetary value!

      I have a nice cross section of OzB sourced gifts stored in the cupboard for various contingencies. ;)

      • richmond12 on 15/07/2014 - 13:21

        Probably a good example right there that if you had our OWN wedding, its not exactly in the your best interest to do a gift registry.

        • StewBalls on 15/07/2014 - 14:33

          I'm honestly not sure what you're getting at?

        • richmond12 on 15/07/2014 - 17:56

          @StewBalls:

          Just pointing out the other side of the fence, would you want to receive a ozbargain style present at your wedding?

        • StewBalls on 15/07/2014 - 20:04
          +2

          @richmond12: Ah, now I'm with you…I just wasn't sure because that's actually a pretty facile argument.

          Seriously, how the hell would I know what the giver paid for the gift & why would I even care? Multiple stores often sell the same item for different prices…that's why we all frequent OzB. Not that it's even particularly relevant either, since the ultimate value to the recipient is not the monetary figure attached to the purchase price, but the usefulness & thoughtfulness of the gift itself.

          Does a tasteful item which is beneficial & suited to the recipient; & which sells for $200 in any store on any given day of the week; suddenly become null & void because the purchaser was lucky & savvy enough to pay $50 for it as a one-off special…of course not, that would be an extremely naive & mercenary viewpoint.

          So your short answer is yes, I'd be happy to receive a suitable gift sourced via OzBargain…Now for the other side of your little fence, would you whinge if you got a gift you really loved & later found out the giver sourced it via here, regardless of value???

        • richmond12 on 16/07/2014 - 11:35
          +1

          Each to their own I guess and I think it really depends on the situation and an example.

          You make a good point, if that is how it really truly pans out.

          However, I think a lot of people going for those 'sale items' oxbargain style don't really have the best intentions at heart.

        • StewBalls on 16/07/2014 - 15:42
          +1

          @richmond12:

          However, I think a lot of people going for those 'sale items' oxbargain style don't really have the best intentions at heart.

          That's a perfectly valid point, but I suppose the take home message is that if a bit of retail serendipity happens to benefit both parties, then we're looking at a victimless crime here! ;)

  • Schezwon on 15/07/2014 - 12:10
    +2

    Giving $50 is like a bithday present, unless they know you are unemployed or struggling to make ends meet.

    It all depends how close you are to the person and how much of a tightarse you are? If you make less give less, if you are making good money then give more.

    My sister's wedding for example: My rich ass uncle gave my sister a Mazda3, My other super wealthy auntie gave her $50, unemployed cousin gave them $200 voucher to Myers, work friend paid for photographer, her best friend gave her $500 plus a holiday.

    Don't let others decide, you should decide, because only you know the person truly.

    I generally don't like tightarses, if you don't like the person, don't even bother going, if you are going to give, give what you can afford, and don't be cheap.

  • Pooky1 on 15/07/2014 - 13:29

    We went to Hubby's boss' Asian wedding last year. We gave $400 because Hubby wants to keep his job lol. We were amazed by the amount of people that cancelled at the last minute or didnt turn up on the day (we were a last minute invite due to this).

  • gracevess on 15/07/2014 - 18:42
    -2

    I think it's difficult to make a decision as we don't know what will happen between this colleague and you.

  • DEvok on 16/07/2014 - 01:18
    +1

    Reading all comments and to above posts, What if you where invited to a $500 per head wedding, not going to come? are you all going to pay $500 and up to cover the couples? If not, it is also rude not attending, also giving lower than the cost of the wedding, now that's a hard choice.
    Im afraid not many would be keen to pay that much.

    I have always thought that it would be best for everyone to pay at the end of the dinner. Basically everyone single person pays their own meal, The restaurants only want to be paid, It doesnt matter when. This makes it all balance out instead of attending and giving money which works out the same Way and while you are at it ,Give a small gift and everyones happy.

    Like some have mentioned many couples want to also profit from the early payment… I guess that's why it's done as you enter, this is wrong, pay at the end of the meal..your attendance is fully appreciated. You payed for the meal, Gave a small sentimental gift, That will be memorable no matter good or bad
    "It is the Thought That Counts" It will be remembered regardlesS. Money will perish, Gone, Nada, be forgotten. so how much did those guys give us? That's something for you guys to think at.

    • bluedufflecoat on 16/07/2014 - 08:30
      +1

      Earlier on, I commented, if the couple wants to throw a lavish wedding (and at $500/head, that qualifies as lavish), I think it is more than fair for the couple to be out of pocket.

      So, if they are particularly close, I would try to cover as much of the cost as I can, but no way would it be anywhere near $500. Maybe $150-$200 per head.

      • ThadtheChad on 16/07/2014 - 09:05
        +1

        if the couple wants to throw a lavish wedding (and at $500/head, that qualifies as lavish), I think it is more than fair for the couple to be out of pocket.

        Well, then the couple should probably not throw such a lavish wedding. :) If they need the guests to pay for their costs, then they have "over-reached" themselves. Being able to show-off is not a valid justification for this (IMHO).

    • StewBalls on 16/07/2014 - 10:49
      +1

      I have always thought that it would be best for everyone to pay at the end of the dinner. Basically everyone single person pays their own meal, The restaurants only want to be paid, It doesnt matter when. This makes it all balance out instead of attending and giving money which works out the same Way and while you are at it ,Give a small gift and everyones happy.

      I know a lot of people who think the same way, and TBH I can't see anything wrong with it. It's a very pragmatic approach that I have a great deal of respect for.

      I've been to quite a few weddings where this has been the case; it seems to take a lot of the financial pressure off the couple, and (granted that these are usually between very close family/friends) gifts tend to be from the heart rather than blindly from the wallet.

    • juventino on 16/07/2014 - 14:07

      oopss

  • superadmin on 12/08/2014 - 01:29

    $150 is the minimum. $200+ if you are a work colleague. $500+ if you are close friend.

Login or Join to leave a comment
Login Join