General Thailand advice

I have just returned from a couple of weeks in Thailand. It was my first trip and I have a couple of tips for people who may be heading there.

If you do not want to buy something, say "My Ow" and nothing else. It means I don't want it. If they think you have some local familiarity, they won't be as likely to persist. "My Die" means I CAN NOT DO. You should not have a need for this phrase, but there it is.

Do not believe anyone who tells you something is closed. It is a scam for selling you something else. This happened once to me in Bangkok and I knew that the scam existed, but the guy was very smooth. He was in a uniform and was offering us directions. It wasn't until later he started telling us that where we wanted to go would be closed. He then suggested we go on a Tuk Tuk tour. I instantly cut him off. Tuk Tuk tours are scams designed to take you to shops where you will undergo intense hard sell on crap you do not need. They will offer them for 20 Baht or so. If something seems to good to be true, it is, esp in Thailand.

Thai people are friendly but shy-ish. As a rule they will not come up to you and engage you in conversation. If they do, they want something from you. The only time I had any legitimate interaction that was initiated by locals was when I was closely observing some street food being prepared in Chinatown, Bangkok. It was not the typical stuff. After a couple of minutes, a westernised thai couple just took it upon themselves to start explaining the food. I already knew what it was, but was fascinated by the processed meats being put into it. They encouraged me to try some and I said maybe later. They said the man would sell out, so I said okay I should try it. When the man handed them a parcel of the food, they indciated that I should take it. I paid, but I told them it was very nice of them to take care of the farang (foreigner).

There is a SIM card sold in 7 - 11s that is the Happy Tourist Card. It costs 49 Baht. You get the card and a small amount of credit. You can do top ups in 100 Baht increments. I bought a top up but could not effectively scrape off the silver stuff to read the data, so that 100B went to waste. The best feature of the Happy Tourist SIM, is that you get UNLIMITED data for the first day. I think you get that data for the day you load it until midnight the following night. Most hotels have free wifi, but it is not always available in the rooms. You can set it up with a phone that you can tether or turn into a portable wifi hotspot. This can also be convenient if you take a tour, Sometimes the drive and the waiting can be interminable. The Thais do not seem to have a lot of respect for efficiency or time when implementing tours. They do not ask for ID or your name when buying a Happy Tourist SIM card.

Sunscreen is just as expensive, if not more so over there as compared to Oz. Only farangs use sunscreen. Everything else should be cheaper.

I saw "sanitary napkins" there, but did not observe tampons in any shops.

Condoms sold over there will likely be smaller than the ones here.

Train travel in Thailand can be interesting, as long as you get a sleeper on longer trips. I travelled in both first and second class. Google the man in seat 61 for comprehensive advice on train travel anywhere in the world. If I had not used that website I would not have had the knowledge to allow me to take those 3 overnight trips.

Don't be a hero, tell them you just want medium farang-level spice in your food.

I was the biggest hazard to myself in Thailand. The people just do not seem violent. They will try to overcharge you and apparently pick-pocketing and theft is rife. I went off with strange men and had no idea if we were going to the right place until we got there and never felt scared or worried. I met a yank who had had her iphone pickpocketed.

Hiring motorbikes is very very cheap. Unadvisable and you won;t be insured on your health insurance most likely. The same yank that had her iphone stolen got into a prety serious motorbike accident.

Transport and goods/tours are where you will get fleeced. The people who sell food do not seem interested in trying to scam you.

Bell boys and front desk people will try to make some money on the side by selling you prepaid transport or tours. You can generally get cheaper. It's up to you if you go along with it. I was in Surat Thani, a hole, and the bellboy started working on me straight away about transport the next day. I read other people commenting on Trip Advisor that he was creepy and he was. I had resigned myself to paying the 500 Baht to the airport and when I went down the next day, a different bellboy said he would get me a cab. I asked how much and he said 500. I said that I had read it was 400 and he said that was in a tuktuk. I said fine, hail a cab. He said that I should have a seat and it would be 10 or 15 minutes. No way was I going to WAIT for his mate to show up. If I am going to be ripped off, it was going to include convenience, for me, not for the scammers. He was shocked when I said I would go get my own cab. I went out front, hailed a cab and got the fare at 400.

Taxis outside of Bangkok are SYSTEMATICALLY rogue. They are rogue in Bangkok, but nothing as blatant as outside of the big smoke.

The train and sky train in Bangkok are magnificent, safe and clean.

Singha beer sucks. Chang beer is far superior.

There are certain hours when beer can not be sold. If I recall, one of those times is from 2 until 5pm. If you go to a restaurant, you should be right.

Koh Samui is a hole. Chiang Mai is great.

Pad Thai is eaten almost exclusively by farangs. You are a bit silly if you order it.

Monks are not supposed to touch or be touched by women. It is suggested that if you are a woman and you see a monk approaching that you cross to the other side of the street to avoid any possibility of touching a monk. I don't like monks. Apparently women can speak with the orange cloaked monks, but not the red cloaked ones.

Feet are considered to be absolutely and totally filthy. Do not put them up anywhere or use them to point at anything. If you decide to go into a temple, shoes come off and you must sit with your feet pointed away from the budha.

Thai massages are cheap. They are also very painful. The oil massages might be what you are looking for if you are wanting relaxation. Sexy oil massages are happy endings.

Squat toilets are around. Study up on how to use them, including flushing. They aren't that bad. Always carry tissues and hand sanitiser.

Go to your doctor and get a Hep Vac before going. Get some antibiotics for digestive problems. Gastro stop as well. Immodium and other drugs are very cheap. It was $1.50AUD for 5 immodium at the MBK centre. You have that stuff, you can eat whatever you want as long as there is good turnover. Drink the yoghurt drink with the good bacteria everyday. They are very cheap at 7 - 11.

Go easy on the hotel buffets. I have seen food loaded up uncovered for a 4 hour service. It just isn't good. Eat the omlettes made to order. Or anything made to order.