the stress,
the cost,
the stress,
the stress
why do we do this every year?
also to be actually productive: how do you keep costs down? and do you have any strategies for giving and receiving gifts without having or inflicting a mental breakdown?
^ stress confirmed
the main xmas stress i get is if i go shopping with big crowds acting like jerks
@Scrooge McDuck: lol i was thinking of xmas in general, not a Covid Christmas 🤣
good point, all the more reason to not go this year, but still gotta check out some new furniture
Oh man. Where I work there's people saying "I had to buy presents" and these people do not have the money but it's all about keeping up with the Joneses.
Stop giving gifts, if it stresses you just stop doing what you doing.
Gift giving is supposed to bring you joy, and satisfaction, if it brings you stress, then you are doing it wrong.
i would like to, but i can't work out how to stop people giving me gifts anyway which would still be stressful.
Use communication, just say you are no longer interested in exchanging gifts as it it causing you stress.
nah that would be too stressful
well i've said it, what else can i do?
@bargain huntress: Do not buy gift simply receive it😂. In next couple of year they will stop buying for you or may be even stop calling you so you can cancel your phone because not many friends so peaceful like you will be cast away😂 quiet stress free.
Yes, we announced a couple of years ago that we would not be giving physical gifts, but rather a donation to a charity on behalf of the recipient. Some charities even let you print out a "gift card" of the donation. one year an elderly relative was stocked to receive from us the gift of giving one donkey to an impoverished village.
@suntap: boy, brain fart when I typed that post. the rellie was stoked, not stocked and it was in fact a goat not a donkey. The thought of donkey milk and/or meat is rather off putting.
@suntap: Same thing here.
Did the charity gift card thing once and mum was then deeply disturbed by what was going to happen to the goat.
So change your reaction from 'stress' to 'gratitude'. You're welcome.
how?
@bargain huntress: Through learning. One of the things that makes us different from the animals is that between stimulus and response we have (potentially) the power of choice. One of last century's mystics, Gurjieff made this 'awakening' his main teaching and formulated a system that anyone can apply. He can get a bit heavy though but if you're really interested (and not just trolling :) ) do some googling on 'Ted Nottingham' and the 'Fourth way' teachings. There's nothing more empowering than learning how to control your thoughts and emotions as opposed to the other way around.
Here's a start: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNBcC5w-f20
@bargain huntress: Like EightImmortals is saying, there is a lot of psychology in it.
Anxiety is related to what could go wrong in the future, and the ‘stress’ is usually anticipation of being uncomfortable, because something might not go to plan or someone’s expectations might not be met and you’ll let someone down in some way.
The more you’re able to be in the moment and not thinking ahead, the less stressful life is in general. Honestly, you’ve made it through every obstacle life has thrown at you so far in one way or another, so if you can go with the flow a bit more and not think ahead, everything could be more enjoyable and you may be surprised (not just about Christmas, really life in general).
Best of luck.
When the nieces and nephews stopped being “kids” we, all, just stopped giving presents.
Could've given the parents condoms from one of OzBargain's many almost expired deals. Then they'd have new kids, another Festivus miracle!
i would like to, but i can't work out how to stop people giving me gifts anyway which would still be stressful.
Why?
It is better to give than to receive.
So really, you'd be doing them a favour.
Username checks out
You stop giving gifts one year, you won't get any next year.
Go on a holiday far away from home !!
I just find it too hard to get gifts specific to that person, all the family close to me are adults, this year we just agreed on giving out chocolates or money, not the most thoughtful gift in the end.
I hate the consumerism…
Then why are you here
Here cos I'm a data hoarder and like techy stuff. That's not mutual exclusive with consumerism.
There's the push during Christmas to buy the latest gifts to show that you love someone. People are often spending more time at work to provide and buy useless junk instead of spending time with loved ones.
I find the cheap junk gifts that are landfill in one month are worse.
Wrong choice of friends maybe?
Consoom.
Ah a coomer
Does anyone hate Christmas?
There's about 1.2million people in Australia in the retail sector.
Hated Christmas for most of my life due to this.
Christmas changes people.
Christmas changes people.
Especially children who are otherwise 'naughty' the rest of the year…
The best thing ever happened the other day for me jv, and I'm still smiling about it.
My daughter got her Christmas photo taken, and when Santa asked her what she wanted for Christmas?
'I just want to spend time with my family, I havent got to see them much this year because of corona virus'
I do truly think she has appreciated things a lot more this year.
(On a side note again, he asked if she was hoping for any toys. She responded with 'my mum says I have too many toys')
It doesn't. It's just that people expect gifts they would buy themselves.
Either stop giving gifts or get people vouchers to the stores that they love. They can get their own gift.
I've been in retail for 20 years, trust me when I tell you people are very very different at Christmas. There is very little Christmas spirit. (Much like good Friday working at a fish and chip shop for 10 years prior. Oh what there's a 1 hour wait!?!?!?!)
There are of course some great customers. (Usually regulars who understand its Christmas and sh*t happens).
More often than not people are just angrier than normal.
On a side note, speaking to a lot of retail staff in different businesses this year, it seems customers are quite accepting of out of stocks and understanding supply issues! Which is a huge win.
How do you work out what shop they would like a gift card for?
@bargain huntress: Do you know what they like?
If they drink a voucher to bottle shop
If they enjoy eating out, a voucher to their favourite restaurant
if they are into 'waste free' sustainable than a voucher to one of those
or I think The Source Bulk Foods have vouchers, so they can get sweets, nuts or anything they need for the home (sugar, flour, rice, beans etc).. they sell shampoo, conditioner, body wash, dishwashing liquid.
Yep ditto. Worked at a supermarket during uni. As a result I kinda hate christmas. I hate the carols, i hate the crowds of idiots, I hate being unable to find a park just to buy a loaf of bread
What the hell is a Yuletide and why would we want to make it gay!?
As above, you can change things but you just choose not to. Adults don't need to give other adults presents at Christmas
Sometimes it can be hard to change when nobody else wants to. We tried the Kris Kringle thing with my family once, and also tried a "handmade gift" idea once…both were shot down by everyone else in my family. I personally love giving gifts, but I do understand how it can be stressful.
I also disagree about Christmas only being for kids. I have 4 siblings, and my sister is the only one of us who has children (5 boys!) and is constantly surprised when we don't all fork out tonnes of money to buy her kids the latest awesome thing, or drop everything to visit her when she can't be bothered driving the 15 mins to our mother's house. I am still a big kid at Christmas, and still manage to find some of the magic, even as an adult, and 100% believe that adults also deserve to have a nice day!
Adults can have a nice day by spending it with family and having a good, relaxing time.
Adults don't need to buy each other things. The only way to get around that, without saying "no presents please" is to make it that the item has to be handmade. That way you're still giving something, but a) you can keep to a budget, and b) not going through ridiculous stress with shopping/crowds/etc etc.
There's a point where it's present buying for the sake of it. You buy me a $20 thing you think I'll like, I'll buy you a $20 think I think you'll like… what's the point? Let's share a meal and a laugh, and I'll leave you to spend your $20 on something you want.
I agree! I know I don't NEED to give gifts to have a nice day - but I LOVE giving gifts! For me, it's one of the best parts of the day. Saying that, if my family decided they didn't want to do gifts anymore, I'd be fine with that, and find other ways to spoil them. :)
@ChocStrawberries: But that's the thing, you've just burdened them with the returning of the gifts. Who's to say they have the money to spend on all the return gift giving, or even want to do it? You're practically forcing it on them to return the favour, and you've made it a yearly 'tradition' which they then feel encumbered by.
I doubt the discussion about gift giving has even happened, instead it turns into posts like OP's where they just grumble about it behind closed doors, and try and grin and bear it on the day itself, so they don't hurt your feelings or create an argument.
@spackbace: Trust me, we've had the discussion many times! Most of my family are like me, and love giving gifts, so will never want to give that up! I dunno…maybe my family are just weird!
Adults can have a nice day by spending it with family and having a good, relaxing time.
For some, the words "with family" and "relaxing time" do not go in the same sentence.
Sheldon Cooper on gift giving:
"The entire institution of gift giving makes no sense. Let's say that I go out, and I spend 50 dollars on you, it's a laborious activity, because I have to imagine what you need, where as you know what you need.
Now I could simplify things, just give you the 50 dollars directly, and you could give me 50 dollars on my birthday, and so on, until one of us dies, leaving the other one old and 50 dollars richer. And I ask, is it worth it?
I prefer to buy a present than make something. I’m time poor but I don’t mind spending money on someone else. As I’m time poor I appreciate people make suggestions well before December if they want something in particulars I often buy something and then I get asked after the fact to get something different etc.
Sadly, adults can’t always chose. How do you suggest getting out of KK at work because it’s a fun team building activity which accompanies the Christmas lunch…? 🤦🏻♀️
Gift giving should definitely be optional at work. My company is very multicultural. It would be rude to expect staff to buy presents for one another in my workplace
Yep - we stopped giving gifts a few years ago and as such I now enjoy Christmas. We get to spend it with family and avoid the shops except for buying supplies for an awesome Christmas lunch!
I don't find Christmas stressful. Why is it stressful?
It’s kind of a catch 22. The stressed ones are stressed mostly because the non-stressed ones are not stressed.
Haha
We start buying gifts straight after Christmas, and keep buying bits through the year. Then we go "shopping" in our gift cupboard. It's pretty rare that we have to buy anything other than food around Christmas time. This year has been even less stress, since we're now used to doing our food shopping online too. No need to go to the shops and be near hoards of people!
Lists are also useful, tick things off as you do them. It's much less stressful when you can see that things are being done.
If you really hate it that much, can you suggest to your family that you do away with gifts, or maybe do a Kris Kringle instead? Go back to the basics, and try to say "no" every now and then, if you really can't/don't want to do something. Remember what Christmas felt like as a kid, and try and tap into some of that…only if it was good - if you had sh!tty Christmases as a kid, scrap my last suggestion!
that was actually helpful. thank you.
Know what people like
Buy things when they are on sale.
Get gift cards to the stores that people like, so they can get what they want.
Going sustainable helps.. one year when I started my herb garden, everyone received a half dozen organic planters…
Next year they said ' no more plants' .. So there was no more gifts.. as I wasn't planning on giving them plants but saved money by not buying gifts..
our gift cupboard
Assuming it doesn't hold tech items? Could be out of date by the time you open/gift it.
Nope, we don't buy anything electronic for my family. Most of them wouldn't know how to use it anyway! ;)
this is next level prep! very good advice
This is essentially what I do. I love buying people gifts, but I also hate buying things at full price and going to the shops during Christmas. I also have a very demanding job leaving me little free time in general. So all my presents get purchased online and well ahead of time.
I pay attention when people talk about the things they like or want. Write them down on a list. Buy a few of them if I see them on sale here or elsewhere and cross them off. It removes a lot of the stress.
I also have young kids so I tend to buy cheap toys when they’re on a good sale (see prime day). Having toys locked up is a god send when they get invited to birthday parties a week before the party and I have no time to get a present.
Christmas happens once per year. You know it’s coming. Just plan for it and do a bit throughout the year. That way the stress and cost is more spread out.
Like choc said though, if you really hate it just tap out. Life is way too stressful on its own without needing to add unnecessary things to it. My advice is to evaluate what it is about it that stresses you and what you are willing or wanting to compromise on. If you want to give it a try while doing things to reduce the stress, go for it. If you just don’t want to, then don’t. Whatever you decide though, be very clear and transparent with those around you so they know what to expect. If you’re clear and they’re still not listening then that’s on them.
Its over and done with before you know it, then it's back to the drudgery of work. Enjoy it while it lasts I guess.
I can handle the consumerism.
The only bit that is annoying is courtesy at the shops and on the roads seem to diminish over this time.
because everyone is stressed?
Holidays also bring out people who wouldn't normally drive, or drive that far etc. Can be more idiots on the roads, that's for sure
Yes this!! Watch out at the carparks and on the roads. Be prepared to spend all day at the shopping centres!! Please be mindful of others and allow extra travel time
I live in a rural town and it was really bad today, I always see a few bad drivers during the week, but today takes the cake.
None of my family members exchange gifts. We just spend time together and hang out at the parks, restaurant or have a BBQ picnic (depending on weather and costs of doing so). We're all generally just too busy to congregate at the same place at the same time and Xmas holidays are usually the only time that allows that.
If your family has a tradition of gift-exchanging, you can always resort to buying gift cards. On the outside it looks low effort but deep down everyone knows that gift cards are the most versatile.
May as well give cash unless you get a sweet 20% off
10% TCN gift cards + 10% ZipPay credit = Pogchamp.
I love Christmas. I love making food for people. I love eating food and drinking with my friends and family. I don’t add in things that make it stressful. It’s great.
that sounds nice
Remember: you are in control. Don’t do things that will add stress
That how it should be Gift are overrated if Gift are big deal gift card or wine or chocolates. Personal i not a fan of gift as trash never buy your self i like stuff that i want in my house.
I hate the commercialisation of everything, not just Christmas.
I agree in general, but Christmas is the exception to this for me.
I love the lights and decorations and the snow (when I had it). The memories of catching up with cousins I saw once per year and the late night talks with them. Getting time off work/school. Getting to eat special foods that we were too cheap or poor to buy the rest of the year.
I think for most people it’s not so much the commercialisation of things, but the fact that everyone else is in on it. Something to get excited with other people and look forward to. The latter in particular, to a lot of people looking forward to big events is the only way to get through the every day drag.
The commercialisation is so evident though. I like the lights, the catching up with people.
I don't like the ham/turkey/roast dinners - who the hell decided this was a good idea when outside it's 40 degrees!?!?
I don't like trying to outdo each other with gifts, the endless reports on how terrible life is for the retail sector, which is code for "Spend more!", the stupidity of having a ridiculous amount of food which a normal family could live on for a month.
IMHO, commercialisation has caused us to forget what Christmas is really about. Depending on what you subscribe to, it could be a spiritual being telling you this or it could be your own feelings… isn't it all about kindness?
Lol it’s quite funny that you brought up the roast because I grew up in America where winter is cold. So Christmas Eve always meant roast pork. It’s sooo weird to have cold meats during Christmas. Who enjoys cold meats as a main meal?! I definitely see your point, but it still feels weird to me. Kind of like going to the beach during Christmas (which we do some years).
The thing with people trying to outdo each other with gifts is that those are normally shit people who are shit in other ways. I enjoy getting gifts that I think people will like, what other people get is not of my concern. And it’s the same way for those around me. I don’t really watch tv these days or go during the shops during Christmas so I guess I’m not seeing as much commercialisation. I’m sure it’s there, but I’m not encountering it on a daily basis and so only experience the good things.
Re: food. We always make lots because it means that the next couple of days we eat leftovers and spend the days talking and playing games and enjoying being lazy. Nothing like what a normal family would live on for a month though…
I just hate the week before Christmas because i'm trying to rush everything at work in preparation for a few weeks off.
Other than that, it's great. It's the only time of the year that I enjoy relaxing because most other people I know are off work too. And everyone seems really happy and cheerful.
I haven't bought many presents for years. There's a very select few people who I actually get presents for. The rest… we go out and eat and drink and everything to enjoy each other's company and noone expects presents.
I am much better at picking gifts for myself.
I always hate trying to figure something out for others, and when you ask them what they want, they can't really think of anything they'd want, I'd prefer just to be given money (that's what my immediate family agreed to).
Chinese figured that out already. Just give envelopes with money
That's mostly what I got for Christmas, immediate family was given money, everyone else smelly stuff and chocolate, puzzles for Nana.
Just because doesn't me you must….