We arrived here from India 5 years back as skilled migrants. Working on decent salary and loving it here. Bought a house and going to stay here with Australian born son forever.
Thats why we wanted to merge deeply with society here but may be because of cultural differences, we are not able to make many friends here. I am looking for books to help us learn more about Aussie's cuture, way of living, slangs etc. This would give us few topics to initiate conversation with anyone.
Thanks.
+1
What seems to work a bit is common talking points. My team has cricket fans - so that's a common topic to talk regularly. Some are footy fans and I happened to like footy too and now am into the game myself. That gave me another talking point with others.
Food is another topic
So basically, I try to find what the group/people talk about - observing for the first few years then see what is common and what can you adapt to.
Now have a small circle from work - but again as MrChum said it is common not to get into AU social groups - intl groups from your ethnicity remains the main circle/group.
I'm born and raised in Australia and have no friends. Always hard to make friends these days.
But I also think, don't try and adapt to suit Australians. Be yourself. I'd find someone with a cultural background and experience far more interesting than some regular Australian
Good point.
Honestly just start talking to people. Try to get past the initial "Hi" and nod and actually volunteer something about yourself instead. Yes some people will be busy/not interested but too many times you just get stuck saying hi/hi and nothing more with people. Lots of other people are willing to have a chat especially in covid stay at home times (wear a mask).
Probably the biggest shortcut to Aussie culture is understanding very few local people are classiest and most people will talk to you as an equal regardless of income/status/background so just put yourself out there.
Making new friends requires overlapping interests.
Basically do anything that increases the chances of others having to interact with you. Making friends is a numbers game. If you meet 100 people, maybe 5-10 will seem interesting and maybe 1-2 of those will end up as long term acquaintances or friends.
A huge suggestion when you meet someone, is to NOT ask what they do for a job, but I asking about their hobbies.
Unconsious bias is rampant in Australia, but once a common ground is reached, then you've broken the ice!
Bible
I think you're doing enough right now to be honest.
You work (hence you pay taxes) and you have the right attitude.
Don't ever try to be something you're not. No such book exists that will give you up to date information on Aussie culture, etc. And that's because it's a dynamic (changing) concept. Aussie culture is even different between our states.
I was born and raised in Brisbane until I was 11 years old. I was likely the only non white mixed race kid in my entire suburb during the 90s so I tried to like Australian sports and being an outdoors person, etc. Truth is I absoluted hated it.
I then moved to Sydney where there is more diversity but I just noticed that all these different groups tolerate each other on average more than they actually want to interact. Still, I met different people that held my same interests and friendships grew from there.
The Victorians however seem to get along better as a whole than the rest of us though.
Also, whether you've noticed it or not, you're already becoming more 'Australian' in outlook and perspective. You've gotten used to how laidback life is here, the personal space, the fact that most of our public institutions work relatively well compared for the average citizen compared to India, etc.
To answer your question, books won't help. You'll need to engage in activities with others that are different from you (sport - cricket, etc) to cross that divide.
When your son gets older — weekend sports. Volunteer to coach or be the team manager for example, and you get to talk to and work with other parents. The conversation starter can always be how the "team" is doing at the games this weekend.
Movies/TV may be more helpful than books to get a sense of slang and humour
For kids - watch things playschool, the wiggles and bananas in pajamas with your kid. Many kids will grow up watching the same thing and then your son will then have shared references with his peers, and you with have them with other parents.
For adults – things like the Castle; Kath and Kim, are “classics” - they are absolute stereotypes but will give you an idea of some slang and they are something many people will have watched so will come up as a reference or joke occasionally. The kind of TV shows everyone watches at night and talks about the next day are less common now that people have options like Netflix, but you may find something that aligns a little with your own interests that other people are watching - Masterchef if you like cooking etc
Join a local cricket club, Volunteer, Meetups (for travel etc.)
The 'Aussie' way of life is the migrant way of life. Australian Culture is so diverse and rich because of migrants. Don't change who you are, it's not your sense of Aussie culture that's stopping you from integrating (not going to say assimilate,) it's not having opportunities to meet new people.
So I agree with all the options stated above by other people on meeting new people. I'd add to speak to parents of the children your child goes to school/kindy with. I'm 26 now and my Mum still speaks with the Parents of kids I went to Kindy and Primary with, when she sees them out and about at the shops.
I hear the website AdultFriendFinder is good.
The book called “They’re a weird mob” may provide some useful insights into how Australians think. It’s a little dated now though…
Why books? Spend more time in OZB especially the forums! :D
One thing you could do is read less Indian internet and more Australian internet. I see some migrants feeling like they are struggling to fit in and learn the nuances of Australian language, but their internet experience is the same as if they were back in India or China or wherever. We all spend all day on the internet and though it might be a PITA at first, spending more time on Australian English language internet will help a lot. I mean websites, blogs, Facebook, Instagram, anywhere at all that you spend time online with. Why read about Australian culture when you could be reading raw Australian culture itself. Just don't get trapped in social media bubbles, cast a wide net.
Here is one. Don't give way to vehicles on your right when entering a roundabout while only give way for those that are already in the roundabout. This road rules is confusing for drivers that comes from overseas.
Lol this confusion is culture now. Someone coming from right would smash me on driver side in confusion. I'd better wait. :)
Get your child into a mainstream Aussie sport and volunteer.
Yes. Let them play football.
Cricket is Australian main sport as well. We won many world cups ;)
Well lots of good advice on this thread, but I'm going to suggest a book to Acnj if they can get their hands on it. It's called 'He Died With a Falafel in His Hand' by John Birmingham. Set in Brisbane. Lots of slang. Very funny. Lots of cultural references but don't let that scare you off. Have a crack.
I love that book, it was so funny
dont feel too down on yourself. its not easy to meet people in australia, the lifestyle makes it tricky. everything is spread out and people often do stuff at home, which limits exposure to new people, and makes bonding tricky. even if you think you would get along with someone, it can be awkward to find a way to get to know them socially
it feels like I've only ever got to know anyone in aus through school, uni, and work. which means that in nearly 10 years after uni I made about 3 new acquaintances.
in contrast, i lived in japan for a short time and found it much easier to meet new people and make local friends. part of that was me seeking it out, but also because people there are so much more used to doing stuff outside and meeting new people, that just going out for dinner in my neighbourhood was enough to meet a bunch of neighbours
I've had the impression that India can be the same in some ways, with people being more comfortable to interact with strangers, and the density making it part of regular life.
joining meetups could be good, but maybe look for something slow paced like bushwalking, before the sports suggestions others have made.
just because I've seen a friend in aus joining sports groups, and after the activity everyone just drives home. theres a plan for lunch at someones house, but it feels like they have to shoehorn the social aspect that they are all obviously there for because its hard to organically continue.
walking would be very social already
I would suggest you learn from You tube. It is alot more efficient and there are great resources like the below link.
Thank you a heaps you amazing people. I was scared off to ask question here but I'm glad I asked it. Got bunch of actionable advices and all different perspectives which would definitely help us moving forward.
I got to keep in mind that its a slow and steady process to have decent social circles. Libraries/Sports/walks make it easier to find like minded. I'd definitely read books mentioned here if I am able to find in library nearby or purchase at reasonable price.
It's very common to not get into Australian social groups - I've lived here for 15 years and can only seem to break into international groups (Perth & Melbourne).
I suggest inviting work colleagues over for a bbq etc, and make it a regular occurance
Then ask them to do the same, or invite more people.
Over time a group of friends will appear :)