Is Talking Money Taboo? [Poll]

Trying2SaveABuck on 10/05/2020 - 00:33
Last edited 10/05/2020 - 08:26

I like talking money (investing – shares, housing etc) – some of the best investment I’ve had sparked from a simple conversation –However, I have found a lot of people find money take offensive.

I’m going to say off the bat in my experience people don’t like advice (even if it is GOOD ADVICE) and I’ve learnt in time to not give it. – don’t get me wrong I’m not financial expert but in all honesty I feel like a lot of financial experts/advisers have no idea or are giving advice based on self interest (ie. commission for selling certain products).

The easy example is home loans the amount of people I’ve had tell me over the years there interest rate is literally 0.5-1% higher than mine and that there broker or mate at the bank or who ever set them up with, a poor deal but if you even try to explain why they are getting ripped off they see you as the enemy? Or the person who is ripping them off….

The more complex examples are investing in shares, property or managing credit card debt – I have literally talked to people my age (30) buried in Credit card/personal debt!

But if you try to give them a little bit of advice they think you are having ago at them? – now days time I keep my mouth shut unless I know the person I'm talking to is open about the topic but I do feel like if the topic was less taboo perhaps we all might manage their money a little better?

What is it about ‘money’ that offends people? Personally if someone told me a way I could save a bucket of cash I would at least hear them out?

Do you find talking about money offensive?

I'll update this the only time I've given advice not asked for is when someone is complaining about there financial situation too me… ie 'I don't have money to go on holidays'or 'my kids are too expensive' etc

I guess it isn't a direct question asking advice but the comments seem to be mostly around unwarranted advice but Almost always any general advice given sparks from people complaining about there negative situation but when you try to help your the bad guy?

I guess just reading the comments makes me realise how sensitive the topic is…

Poll Options

  • 14
    Yes talking money is generally taboo and it should be
  • 64
    Yes talking money is generally taboo but it should NOT be
  • 131
    No talking money is not taboo
Financial

Comments

  • bobbified on 10/05/2020 - 01:04
    +63

    The problem is unlikely to be the topic of money.

    But if you try to give them a little bit of advice they think you are having ago at them?

    Just by reading your post, I bet you're subconsciously (or consciously) displaying a condescending or arrogant tone while you're talking to people, along with a bit of humble-bragging. No-one likes being spoken down to or being told what to do.

    Truth is, people often don't mind good advice, but the way that advice is delivered can make a huge difference.

    Also, your circumstances are likely to be different to someone else's, so you shouldn't just get something that's worked for you and try to shove it up someone else's nose (because it may not work for them).

    • Trying2SaveABuck on 10/05/2020 - 08:29

      Wow I never though of it like that

      However I will say this 99% of the time people or complaining about money thus is it material to respond

      But you comment is fair just become somethibg worked for me doesn't mean it will work for them…

      • Scrooge McDuck on 12/05/2020 - 02:16

        So you didn't realise that how you say things might be just as, if not more, important than what you say? Have you ever had a girlfriend?

        Human beings are typically insecure.

        • Scrooge McDuck on 12/05/2020 - 02:23
          +1

          Personally, I am skeptical as to the existence of "Talking Money" as I have neither encountered anything similar nor heard of such until reading this thread. But if I did encounter such, I would regard it as a technological marvel rather than a taboo.

    • zoob on 10/05/2020 - 10:35

      I think there's more to it than that. People have a lot of their sense of identity and self worth tied up in their financial success (or otherwise). A lot of the time I bet even the most skilled diplomat wouldn't be able to discuss someone's financial situation and especially offer advice without them taking offence in some way.

  • trustnoone on 10/05/2020 - 01:35
    +1

    But if you try to give them a little bit of advice they think you are having ago at them?

    Eh, I think a lot of people want to try something, or do their own thing without having someone telling them what to do (and the feeling of what they're doing is wrong, or not good eneough), its not just about money but everything. And thats sometimes how advice can feel like, specifically unsolicited advice.

    Though I do think talking about an individuals finances shouldn't come from you. So you can definitely talk about "investing – shares, housing etc" generally, but I wouldn't ask or talk about someones specific ones without them bringing it up I guess.

    There may be times though where advice would really be great, but then its all about how you frame it, you might have the best intentions but if frame it incorrectly you may be doing more harm then good, as they may do the opposite out of spite. And you need to accept if they don't want to follow your advice, bad or good at least you put it out there, and let them choose. I think too many people get to hung up when someone does something they don't agree with, even when it doesn't affect them (not saying you do OP, just generally).

    • Trying2SaveABuck on 10/05/2020 - 08:32

      I just find people often say I am struggling to pay bills and I sometimes turn around and say why don't you call your insurance (or whatever) and ask for a better deal….

      • Xyzzy on 10/05/2020 - 09:10
        +8

        Maybe, just maybe, they weren't asking you for advice?

        • Trying2SaveABuck on 10/05/2020 - 09:13
          -5

          but then why do people complain?

          like if i complain the coffee in my local coffee shop sucks and someone says there is a better shop around the corner i dont get offended i go try out the other shop? I dont under stand why the topic of 'money' strikes a nerve with people. It is so taboo that people on this forum are denying it is taboo and attacking me personally which is clear insecurity I guess i don't understand why? i don't necessarily care if people are happy to pay high premiums, Variable rates and get less on there savings that is up to them

          • Xyzzy on 10/05/2020 - 10:01
            +12

            @Trying2SaveABuck:

            but then why do people complain?

            Probably just venting, not asking you to solve their problems for them.

            • dtxau on 10/05/2020 - 20:26
              +6

              @Xyzzy: I've learnt to listen to my wife vent, and support her. This took ages to learn as I would automatically try to "problem solve" her issues during her vent. All she wanted was not a "solution" but to be heard. I think you are right, they just want to vent.

      • [Deactivated] on 11/05/2020 - 23:50
        +3

        Often when people are venting/complaining they are doing it because they feel stressed, disempowered, helpless etc. Suggesting ways for them to help directly often can make them feel just as disempowered. From their perspective you're not listening to their complaint/feelings. Rather, by telling them what to do you're taking control of the situation, and at the same time inadvertently making them feel stupid for their choices. At least, that's how it might be perceived by them. Remember, if they're stressed enough to complain they are probably quite sensitive about how they're perceived as well.

        I've found that if I could be bothered to help, I might offer in a general way. If they take me up on it then I'll give them specific advice. If not, then I won't push it.

        i.e. "Sorry to hear you're having a difficult time with your bills. If you want to talk to someone about it sometime I'm happy to have a chat. Maybe there are some savings you could make or deals you could get"

        and leave it at that. If they're interested they'll make time and seek you out. If they just wanted a vent, then you won't hear about it again.

        The other thing is, you don't know what their situation is so the things that you could suggest may not work for them, could be too expensive, they may not get accepted/qualify etc etc. It's risky giving advice sometimes because you can never know their full circumstances.

        Personally I don't understand why people wouldn't want to know about bargains - but after all I'm on ozbargain. And I don't personally understand why you'd complain about something and NOT want to change things! But people are complex with all sorts of hangups, anxieties, needs. Maybe seeing the Telstra network identifier on their iPhone makes them feel successful and important whereas seeing the Aldi/Kogan/or Boost logo on their Moto Android makes them feel like a loser. Who knows? Whatever makes them happy, or unhappy.

  • Melb69 on 10/05/2020 - 06:47

    I think most people are happy to talk about money as long as it's not about their pay or specifically about their financial situation or affairs. Say about shares. If you offer me a cheaper broker site or a book to read, and tell me the benefits I might look at that or even a specific share and tell me about your experience. With shares don't brag about how much you have made. Just general talk. Then put out disclaimer to do their own research. You can't make someone do exactly what your doing.

  • Melb69 on 10/05/2020 - 06:52

    Also tell them to join OZbs. They'll love you for that. Bargains and financial tips. Just read the best high interest accounts post :Macquarie 2.65%

    • Trying2SaveABuck on 10/05/2020 - 09:13
      -2

      yea i do this i say check Ozbargin or check Canstar

  • Mechz on 10/05/2020 - 07:05
    +3

    If you make people feel stupid they're unlikely to look at anything you say as advice. Also you have the fact that you can't see all the finer details of their financial position so you don't really have the whole picture.

  • tomleonhart on 10/05/2020 - 07:16

    Giving money advice when uncalled for is taboo.

    I used to work with a bunch of arrogant people (nature of the job). If they see you display a good financial literature then in time they will ask. I know my friends did. On the other hand, giving advice out of the blue is really uncalled for.

  • elgrande on 10/05/2020 - 07:32
    +10

    No one wants to hear you brag about your money.

    • Trying2SaveABuck on 10/05/2020 - 09:39
      +1

      Lol i dont have any money thanks to COVID

      So fair point

      • Kangal on 10/05/2020 - 12:08
        +6

        So, you've just admitted your Good Advice is now Bad Advice.

        I'm with the community on this one (and against you). Talking about Money is NOT Taboo, but it is quite sensitive. You seem to lack the finer skills in choosing when to speak/not to speak, and how to deliver your so-called advice. I'm not saying you are a bad person, just that coming off these posts where you have more time to think before you type it's quite telling. So in the real world verbally where you have less time to process what you're saying, you certainly come off as a douche, elitist, humble-brag, or even talking people down.

        I think you may benefit from reading (or re-reading) that old 1900's book "How to Win Friends And Influence People". But use it with finesse, don't exaggerate things where you sound like one of those Infomercial Salesmen.

        • Trying2SaveABuck on 10/05/2020 - 12:15

          Thanks for the book tip :)

        • Kill Joy on 12/05/2020 - 10:43

          All though I agree with you Kangal about OP, the way you've delivered your point is ironically at odds with your own advice.

  • Donaldhump on 10/05/2020 - 07:34

    Outside of work and your own relatiohsip and parents etc, only give advice regarding money if its asked for, other than that let people make their own choices.

    I would never tell a friend how to arrange their affairs, unless they asked.

    I had one work colleague who all they talked about was investment properties and negative gearing over and over, and it was so boring i would just walk off mid sentence. her conversation was boring as ****

  • Archi on 10/05/2020 - 08:53
    +3

    It's not what you say.. it's how you say it.

    The art of articulation is a skill acquired over time.

  • tallkid123 on 10/05/2020 - 08:56

    I don't actually undersatnd why you'd talk about money in general with anyone outside of your partner or family?

    I wouldn't even give advice. It's not like I'll be getting paid by the person receiving it - financial advisors notwithstanding.

    • Trying2SaveABuck on 10/05/2020 - 09:07
      +2

      Well i would argue money is like any other topic health fitness, weather etc

      it is good know what is going on because it affects you directly thus your comment and an most of the others sort of confirms it is taboo? people take personal offense to a topic that really should be essential knowledge….

      From reading the comments on the forum i kind of knew what people would say but i just find it amazing we live in a country where personal debt is quite high

  • [Deactivated] on 10/05/2020 - 09:35
    +8

    Depends on whom you are conversing with.

    If you're speaking to someone of equal financial calibre, it shouldn't be but refrain from giving unsolicited advice or judgement on decisions made or opinions formed.

    If you're speaking to someone of higher calibre, it may come off as prying.

    If you're speaking to someone of lower calibre, it will come off as gloating and/or condescending.

    If you do not know your relative financial position to your conversation partner, you don't know enough about them to be having a casual conversation about money.

  • pegaxs on 10/05/2020 - 09:37

    One only has to flick through the plethora of humble brag posts on this site to see that talking about money is not taboo. Having lots of money is akin to being a vegan… How do you know someone has plenty of money…. don’t worry, they’ll tell you…

    • Trying2SaveABuck on 10/05/2020 - 09:39
      +1

      I dont have plenty money…. i think most ppl on OZb are struggling or just middle class workers - i mean how man people dont even have full comp car insurance….

    • [Deactivated] on 10/05/2020 - 09:40

      Well some people have three kids and no money.

      Some have no kids and three money.

      • Trying2SaveABuck on 10/05/2020 - 09:53
        +1

        Bahahaha

        I have 1 kid but sadly i dont have 2 money

  • Cheap Steve on 10/05/2020 - 10:03

    I love talking about money too.

    I find financial markets absolutely fascinating and follow them very closely.

    There is always something crazy going on in markets which just shows the supposed professionals are just as clueless and vulnerable to our primary emotional responses of fear and greed as the average punter.

    If friends know you are into finance then they will ask you if they ever want your advice. I never offer up as you know it is usually not well received.

    Otherwise just find your friends that you know enjoy the money conversation too.

    • Trying2SaveABuck on 10/05/2020 - 10:04
      -2

      100% agree

      I just think as a community it is sad the topic is taboo because we would all be better off if we were all financially a bit more savvy

  • Jade81 on 10/05/2020 - 12:22
    +2

    This isnt just money. A lot of the time people want to vent not get advice.

    No matter the topic I always check, if they're not maintaining a lot of eye contact or pausing for conversation, it's a vent.

    If they are I always ask, would you like some advice? Even if they say yes, if they're not listening I stop.

    Money especially is touchy as it's private, even if they're complaining you never get the full picture.
    You don't know their account balance or their full spending online or their credit score, etc etc etc, all of which alters advice. You could be recommending something totally unsuitable doubling their already high frustration levels…oops!

    Hope that helps :)

  • lainey13 on 10/05/2020 - 22:11
    -2

    Some people are fine with talking about money. Some people are not. Mostly, the ones in the first group are Asian… Including me. In the second group… My white in laws….

    • Trying2SaveABuck on 10/05/2020 - 22:12

      Im half/half i kind of agree with you here but it is a little racist

  • brad1-8tsi on 11/05/2020 - 07:18
    +1

    I have a good mate I discuss money with, not many others because I get frustrated when they whine but they don't act on their problems. I think the best one was a friend at a party moaning about rents and housing affordability with a cigarette in one hand and a can of pre-mixed spirits in the other (such crap value) and they'd just done a line in the house and couldn't work out why they couldn't save a deposit.

    I don't talk money with my sister and BIL as their risk profile and employment situation is totally different from mine.

    I didn't discuss it with Dad when he was alive as he thought he knew better (when I looked through his paperwork after he died, it turned out he didn't want to listen to me or several financial planners).

    I'm happy to give friends some basic pointers (to start with) if they ask for it but generally when people have got to my age (45+) they aren't really going to change their spending, saving, investment habits. The first thing I do when people ask is look at their electricity plan and usage patterns. If they can't be bothered going to an electricity provider that will save them $100/yr and start doing the laundry during off-peak times then there isn't much hope.

  • [Deactivated] on 11/05/2020 - 09:00
    +1

    Yes for some people it is often it is the people who are bad with money in my experience that you cant talk to about money

  • Ughhh on 11/05/2020 - 11:45

    Sometimes helping can do more harm, in particular with your relationship to said person. Unless it's clear they want your advice and help, you gotta let them be and try not to roll your eyes next time they complain about not having money again while holding their brand new iPhone.

  • [Deactivated] on 11/05/2020 - 20:25
    +5

    3 words : 'Tall poppy syndrome', where others are offended by your success and will take great pleasure in bringing you down. This is especially true on ozbargain.

    The deluge of hate messages I've received for mentioning that I've never shirked from paying my fair share of taxes, which has been in excess of $1 million over the years, was shocking. How dare I "rub it in" dole bludgers' faces? Did I think I was single-handedly holding up the tax system? I must have more money that I'm hiding away… Have I not heard of institutionalised poverty? People are poor because of me. I need to pay more, I need to be bled like the capitalist pig that I am… Etc

    Lesson learned- I never discuss money on ozb and avoid doing so irl, if I can. The only exceptions are my wife, close friends and family, generally people who are rooting for my success.

    • Trying2SaveABuck on 11/05/2020 - 20:56

      Fair enough Jar Jar

      See i love hearing success stories and all i can say is well done

      I dont think i am a very jealous person i kind of see it as an opportunity to learn from successful people in the hope one day it will be me…

      But i do hear what you are saying there are a load of haters out there the most annoying thing i hear is 'they are rich but are probably not happy' - it is some moral line used to make wealth seem less appealing - the truth is the wealthy people i know are as happy with there lives if not more so then the non-wealthy people.

    • cloudy on 11/05/2020 - 21:02
      +3

      I’m aiming to pay a million in taxes one day. Wish me luck!

      • [Deactivated] on 11/05/2020 - 21:37

        I never said I paid that solely in income tax. Stamp duty is a form of tax too.

        Good luck :)

        Ps: Get a better accountant than I have and it will take you a little longer to get there ;)

        • cloudy on 12/05/2020 - 08:30
          +1

          I aim to pay this million in tax in the form of GST ;)

    • outlander on 11/05/2020 - 21:50
      +1

      The deluge of hate messages I've received for mentioning that I've never shirked from paying my fair share of taxes, which has been in excess of $1 million over the years, was shocking. How dare I "rub it in" dole bludgers' faces? Did I think I was single-handedly holding up the tax system? I must have more money that I'm hiding away… Have I not heard of institutionalized poverty? People are poor because of me. I need to pay more, I need to be bled like the capitalist pig that I am… Etc

      Yeah sorry JJ, that was all me. I made up a hundred accounts and used them all to spam you with hate mail. I even used my hacking powers to change your display pic to a generic checkout worker that I pulled from the Target website.

      I guess in my heart I was just jealous that you had my ultimate dream job: being a sexy laser scientist.

      • [Deactivated] on 11/05/2020 - 22:02

        If it helps to make you feel better, I'm only allowed to use my lasers to track and shoot space debris :P

        • outlander on 11/05/2020 - 23:26
          +1

          pew, pew

          • [Deactivated] on 12/05/2020 - 00:52

            @outlander: Pew pew, indeed!

            • outlander on 12/05/2020 - 08:46

              @[Deactivated]: Marvelous work, soldier. Another apocalyptic catastrophe averted. Thickshakes for everybody

              • [Deactivated] on 22/05/2020 - 20:51

                @outlander: And the one day I chuck a sickie , a Russian Soyuz-2-1b re-enters the atmosphere over Portland, victoria ;)

                • outlander on 22/05/2020 - 22:06

                  @[Deactivated]: Wow. Looks like a missile doesn't it?
                  Ironic, because last month they were firing missiles

                  • [Deactivated] on 22/05/2020 - 22:34

                    @outlander:

                    Looks like a missile doesn't it?

                    The Soyuz is a rocket. It was launched this afternoon and was carrying a satellite designed to give the Kremlin advance warning of missile attacks.The real irony is that if the Russians weren't firing missiles willy-nilly , they wouldn't have to be so paranoid about other nations returning fire.

                    • outlander on 22/05/2020 - 22:54

                      @[Deactivated]: Oh was it? The guardian just said it was space trash. I must confess I have a have a hard enough time keeping track of events on the ground, let alone up in the sky.

                      A thief is always worried of being stolen from, I guess.

                      • [Deactivated] on 22/05/2020 - 23:01

                        @outlander: Did they? Well, if Mother Russia asks , don't say you've heard about their missile detection satellite from me 😬

  • DarkOz on 12/05/2020 - 07:00
    +1

    "Listen, I am giving you some advice for your good. I know what it is all about because I had been successful at it. I am telling you to help you!"

    The intention is good but the problem is the other person DID NOT ask you for advice. This is not just about money. It's about literally anything else. People are sensitive to being TOLD how to do things better. If they want your advice they would ask you. Not the other way around.

    • leiiv on 12/05/2020 - 08:58

      Of course you don't usually start giving advice out of the blue. Most of the time it just triggered during normal chitchat because of just the way your personality is. Is it not the case here?

      • DarkOz on 12/05/2020 - 09:16
        +1

        No one gives advice out of the blue. That would be rude.

        If you start to give out advice from a chitchat without being asked for advice, that chitchat is no longer a chitchat. It becomes an "education" and the receiving end usually dislikes it.

  • leiiv on 12/05/2020 - 08:54

    It is either what the others have said or it can also be just the majority in your circle of friends. I personally always open to advice but sometimes some people can get too pushy and can be offended if you don't agree to their advice. How about you start giving me advice and I will tell you how I feel? We can start from the home loans :)

    • Trying2SaveABuck on 12/05/2020 - 08:57

      Fair enough i dont give advice unless people complain or ask for it but the mear mention of money does make some people funny

      as for home loans it depends on your personal situation but the advice i always give is dont bank with the big 4 and if your interest rate doesnt start with a 2 your getting ripped off - this very general advice has offend people even ones that have asked for advice because for some reason paying high interest is worth it to say hey bank with Common Wealth? (I dont get it)

      • leiiv on 12/05/2020 - 09:07

        My bank is ING, not a big 4, and I don't recommend it either. Mine is 3.79%. Where can I get the one starts with 2 that does not involve negotiating a deal? The loan needs to be variable rate, interest only (either I or OO) and comes with an offset account.

  • [Deactivated] on 12/05/2020 - 09:18
    +2

    The easy example is home loans the amount of people I’ve had tell me over the years there interest rate is literally 0.5-1% higher than mine and that there broker or mate at the bank or who ever set them up with, a poor deal but if you even try to explain why they are getting ripped off they see you as the enemy? Or the person who is ripping them off.

    But if you try to give them a little bit of advice they think you are having ago at them? – now days time I keep my mouth shut unless I know the person I'm talking to is open about the topic but I do feel like if the topic was less taboo perhaps we all might manage their money.

    Alot of grandiosity in this comment, and since this individual must ask a community why? while unable to solve the reason why.

    Tabboo? Huh what does that have to do with anything my gawd get real clown.

  • pformag on 12/05/2020 - 09:34

    People hate being wrong. If the advice comes before any mistakes, it is usually taken better. After the fact, people hate that they stuff up or getting ripped off, so they will take their anger out on you.

  • Heaps for Cheaps on 12/05/2020 - 09:56

    It comes down to how you say it and the situation. I think your presentation style isn't right if you offend everybody.
    ie: Somebody who has a debt at cash convertors doesn't benefit from you telling them what a big scam they got conned into, and that even the highest-rate store credit card beats cash convertors… simply because they didn't have the credit to get the credit card and you are likely just adding salt to the wound. Peoples finances aren't as easy fixable as you believe, and are a symptom of something else which often can't be resolved with a quick chat by the water cooler.

    You are right about one thing, which is to not give advice unless asked to. Even if a person brings up the subject, they mostly just want someone to listen. They know they shouldn't overspend, overeat etc…

  • greencomet on 12/05/2020 - 10:10

    It's not taboo but it is considered rude for many people. If someone asks you for advice it's fine to give it, but I don't think you should ever give someone money advice that hasn't asked for it. Heck I grew up in an Italian family and it was considered very rude to even put money on a table at a restaurant, or to ask someone how much they paid for their new car/boat/house, etc. It's none of your business unless that person wants to make it your business.

  • zine21 on 12/05/2020 - 12:33
    +2

    I don't think Money is taboo in any sense however the issue stems when someone is constantly trying to shift any topic into "finances". It's off-putting as it gives the impression that you care only about money, that you're unable to have any other meaningful conversations in any form or worse that you're constantly trying to talk about your own supposed success in order to pat yourself in the back.
    Furthermore how you provide that "advise" is critical. This isn't just about money but in general - you can't just give random unsolicited advice about how they should do xyz when all they might have wanted was to let off a little steam.

    for example - reverse this topic into something a bit more extreme - lets say you have a female friend who is complaining about relationships. And your advice is "get plastic surgery - invest 10+k on implants, fix your nose and add some lipo for good measure - you'll have guys lining up for you" - you may say. Then you may add - that you don't struggle because you have x and you invested in y and you fixed z and youre that amazing in bla bla.
    Now you may think you're only trying to help but your advice is still rubbish and will likely make the person feel like pos about themselves overall. Not saying youre doing something to the same extreme however we arent the best critique of ourselves - and if theres a pattern where you're the common denominator - you're likely doing something not quite right.

  • mini2 on 12/05/2020 - 15:24
    +2

    People are easily offended. Don't offer them anything unless they've asked for it then you won't offend anyone outta the blue.

  • redslert on 12/05/2020 - 16:45
    +1

    People have concerns talking about where money comes from - high paying job; lottery; inheritance; investment; debt; thief etc…

  • life is suffering on 12/05/2020 - 20:15

    I reckon it uncomfortable when salary question is asked. I usualy dont want to disclose it and am usually dissapointed when I listen to others salary ahah

  • kanmen on 12/05/2020 - 20:26

    The same judgement that you might unconsciously deliver to someone is why talking about money can be seen as taboo.

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