Bullying Manager - What to Do?

TLDR: Manager retaliating after I was asked to give him feedback on his performance as a manager. It was his manager that asked me to give him direct feedback. Retaliation causing hostile work environment and mental stress.

Manager - will call him “HM” for horrible manager
His Manager - will call him “big boss”
His peer using me to further his agenda - let’s call him “2IC”

HM is incompetent and a bully. Regularly rants at ppl in his team, has difficulty controlling his emotions and operating with any rationale or common sense. Ppl in our team have either left or looking for other roles. This guy lies about all sorts of things, even stuff that’s easy to check. He also regularly steals our work, passes it off as his own without giving any credit. In short, he’s the worst person I’ve ever worked with let alone report to.

A couple months ago, his peer, 2IC, randomly set up a meeting with me. I’ve never worked with him before but he started asking how I felt, what it’s been like working there. He told me he knows just what HM is like and that there are plans to fix the issue. Thinking he was being candid, I stupidly shared I didn’t like HM. An hour after this meeting with 2IC, I get a meeting request from the big boss (boss of 2IC and HM). 2IC told big boss I wanted to quit (I never said this). I had to sit through a meeting where I had to share my feedback on HM (2IC already told him what I said so there was no hiding). Basically 2IC was using me to try and get rid of HM as I later found out they hate each other. I work in another office location from HM, 2IC and big boss so was not aware of all these office politics.

After the big boss session, I was asked to share my feedback with my manager. So I did. And that was when the retaliation started. I got ranted at it my next 1:1 with HM about what I problem I am and how difficult I am to work with (never received any feedback from anyone else about this). He’s since created situations to make me look bad so he could publicly berate me. He’s calling other ppl I work with to dig up information about my work and then setting up meetings to try and catch me out. He’s leaving a paper trail of emails to make me look like I’m not performing. I escalated to big boss and was dismissed and told to work it out with HM. I’m left with no one else to escalate to except HR - who I am meeting this week. I’ve been told by my colleagues that HM is trying to build a case either to get rid of me or make me so frustrated that I’ll leave. I hate to give him the satisfaction of leaving just bc he’s making things difficult for me. I am looking for other roles and I don’t want to quit until I find something else. In the meantime, he’s making my life difficult. I’m constantly trying to protect myself from his next scheme. I get anxious and have a pit in my stomach every time I get an email or call from him. I have difficulty sleeping. I’ve started seeing a counsellor.

Not sure what to do. Just wanted to share and vent and see if other ppl have any advice.

Comments

  • +1

    It’s a toxic environment, leave before you waste anymore time,
    Life is too short to play games like this.
    I made the same mistake and stayed eight years, did nothing, then I was booted!
    Regrets, I have a few….

  • +3

    Quit and travel "Miss Wanderlust"

    • +1

      Funny. But who would pay the bills :s

  • +1

    spend more time on ozbargain at work - it's therapeutic

  • +2

    Find another job. Leave. Like many people who’ve comment and provided support to you, I don’t have a lot of faith in HR and yes they are hired by “the company” :( In the meantime, do your work, take mental/stress leave if necessary (to stay sane) and don’t worry about HM taking credit. Don’t think leaving means HM has his way because that’s a win for you, if winning matters. If it helps, take comfort in knowing that other people in your team are miserable too, so you’re not alone. Focus on what makes you happy when you’re miserable at work. I’m facing similar issues you are and my kid grounds me :)

    • Thank you. You’re right, I need to focus on my family and what matters outside of work. I’m seeing the dr tomorrow so I can take stress leave if necessary. I’m job hunting but the market is very quiet. I know it’s a matter of time before I get another job.

  • +1

    fairwork the mofo

  • +2

    You mentioned you have documented everything with email proof. Make sure you keep copies of this external from your company (but ensure no business sensitive information is included in this as they can sting you for it).

    If HM goes down the route of performance managing and then firing you you can take it to the fair work commission with evidence and potentially receive compensation for what they have done.

    • +1

      Thanks for the advice. I have just printed everything out and have local copies in case anything goes missing.

  • oops

  • +2

    Challenge BigBoss to a round of CQC

  • +2

    Do you have a union at your company? You should, get in touch with them immediately and explain everything.

    Get ahead of HM, take it to HR and make a complaint. Get notes from your councillor, also doctor and psychologists saying the issues at work are causing stress and you are not feeling safe in your role. Start using words like bullying, harrassment and fair work commission.
    File for stress leave if you have to.

    don't put up with crap like this. You're not meant to feel like you are in a work place.

  • +3

    If you have anxiety that's causing problems with your work and sleep, stay home sick. If you have enough sick leave accumulated, I'd suggest staying home until your HR meeting.

    Also, keep a diary. Write down everything you can recall ASAP with dates backed by evidence if you have it, write an estimated date if you can't recall exactly (make it clear that this is the case). From now on, keep a daily log of any events. If he lies about your performance in an email, walk away for half an hour then write a calm reply refuting it (to all who got the original, BCC to your private email address if there's nothing commercially-sensitive). Print it out.

    e.g. if he says "you failed to send the final report to the customer by 10AM", you can respond "I submitted the draft report for review yesterday as we discussed at the Thursday work scheduling meeting"

    Take a copy of the diary and emails to your HR meeting. (Keep the original diary somewhere they cannot confiscate it - a personal Google drive, hard copy in your car, whatever)

    You have a pretty clear case of a "hostile work environment", HR should help you out. If they do not, call a lawyer specialising in employment law.

    • Thanks. I have been keeping a diary and have now kept a copy of the emails. He’s sneaky and skirts the truth. He excels in psychological harrassment. That’s why ppl dislike him but don’t have enough evidence to take to HR. I’m the first to raise a case and I’m sure my work life will suffer for it but the alternative is I keep suffering under this hostile environment. It’s a no win situation.

      • +1

        HR is there to protect the company and not its employees - the quicker your learn this the faster you will get yourself out of this horrible situation.
        Take sick leave as long as you can/entitled too - if you are seeing a doctor he will write the certificate and they have no grounds to do anything else.

        This will buy you time to look and take away the negativity/stress of having to go into work as well.

  • +6

    I had my HR meeting today. It was mentally draining. The investigation will now start and now I feel like I’ll have an even bigger target on my back especially if the outcome of the investigation is a slap on the wrist, some “coaching” for my manager and then having to continue working with him. I feel that is what will realistically happen. HR will also talk to big boss, who I’ve heard stories of being vindictive, so yeah there’s no future for me in this company.

    I’m even more motivated to get the hell out of there.

    • Sounds really bad! HR is not there to help you, they are there to diffuse the situation when the managers will be found to be clearly in the wrong. Otherwise they will ask a lot of evidence from you so much so that you may leave something out and then it would be unprovable that they were in the wrong….all while trying to position themselves as the neutral party. The managers will always band together regardless of their race religion etc when put in the spotlight..otherwise they hate each other. The employees according to them should be smart enough to do the job but dumb enough to not ask any questions, demand less and accept the conditions that they throw at you because it is the minimum legal standard.

    • +1

      They can’t fire you provided you do your job, and they are probably a bit worried you will take your bullying claims to the Fair Work Commission. If your boss has any brains he will back off now. Keep all communications with him via email and try to ensure there are other people around when meeting with him. Is there anyway any of the other employees are likely to go on the record? Bizarrely enough, now you are on the record, you can sit back and get on with your job whilst looking elsewhere. You are, virtually, untouchable without them running the risk of being accused of victimising you. Don’t panic, don’t freak out, don’t give them anything to use against you. If HR has any brains at all they will try to keep you calm. Best of luck.

      • You’re right. Thank you. I was so overwhelmed after the HR meeting but I need to get it together. I know they will go through the investigation and actually HR did mention he’s not allowed to do anything while the investigation is ongoing so I do have some breathing room. I had forgotten that. I was more focused on what the outcome could potentially be and my plan B. And what if I can’t find another job in time. I need to stop the negative thinking.

        I have someone outside of the team willing to talk to HR - I spoke to him today. He hasn’t been bullied by my manager but HM used him to get information about me and used the information to create an issue and undermine me. My colleague told me that behaviour is not acceptable. It’s not quite corroborating his bullying but at least there’s someone willing to stand up for me.

    • +7

      This case sounds like constructive dismissal, which is illegal. The primary purpose of constructive dismissal is to make the situation at work so untenable that you are forced into resigning.

      You might wish to seek legal advice and advise HR and your manager if necessary that you have engaged a lawyer. You may be entitled to compensation should you feel or are forced to leave.

      Document everything. Email relevant evidence or contemporaneous notes to yourself each day so you have time and date stamps as evidence.

      Good luck x

      • +1

        That’s great insight, thanks! Very helpful to know!

    • +1

      Hang in there. Some HR's are very very good and some aren't. I've been part of an investigation into a senior colleague that had come after a freaking series of them (and this time it was being done by an external provider it had gotten so untenable - over a ten year period many many people had resigned and I like you got dragged into it), and was tape recorded and told I wasn't allowed to speak to my supervisor about it…I think I lost 10kg from stress. The person got put on forced leave and then was only allowed to return under restricted circumstances…wasn't until 2 years later when they tried to physically assault their manager in a rage that they finally got fired. Conversely one of my friends is an HR manager and she's outstanding, she shuts that behaviour down very quickly.

      At the end of the day you don't know how this is going to go so I'd keep looking for another job. But the good news is that this is on the record now and bullies never behave in a one-off manner. Even if this doesn't work out, more people will get the guts to report after you and in time critical mass will be achieved. It's up to the bully to exert some personal responsibility, sort their emotions out, and grow up.

      • +3

        Can’t believe that guy got away with it for 10+ years! The emotional toll it had on all those around him is astounding.

        That’s the reason I went to HR. I want it on record. Even though I’m dubious anything will come of my case since it’s the first but like you said, hopefully there will be critical mass in time.

        The bully has no self awareness, so he won’t be taking any personal responsibility. He’ll keep diminishing all those around him until they leave or he somehow gets managed out. For my sake, I hope I never cross paths with him again once I leave.

        • +1

          There's two kinds of underperformers - the ones who just need guidance and the ones who have deep-rooted personality problems that are great the person can't see them and can't improve until something big happens in their life. You're a star for doing it, the personal toll can be so high so take care of yourself. It took me a couple of years to recover from it.

      • I think I lost 10kg from stress

        Wow … MissG, from other posts I gathered you work in the medical field. I am probably ignorant, I did not think this kind of thing happens much or can get that bad in your field.

        • +1

          Plenty of reports around showing that it is an issue.

        • +2

          In any old and traditional system, the mechanisms for keeping things quiet are powerful and strong. I will say that the majority of my colleagues are genuinely good humans. Once my supervisors found out they were horrified but also useless because things getting this extreme are also so rare, they weren't really able to offer any useful advice.

    • What do u do for work? I may know a guy who knows a guy who could help…

  • I would like to hear HM's side of story

  • +2

    Stress, can't sleep… stress leave!? - get a doctors cert, blame it all on the boss with HR when you present it to them!

    or… get support of your colleagues- make sure there is enough of you that they cant ignore or fire you all without impacting the business, then take it to HR - safety in numbers amd thats how unions started!

    Also see this https://www.fairwork.gov.au/employee-entitlements/bullying-a…

    • Thanks for the link. My colleagues are all junior and/or contractors - they won’t jeopardise their job for this. They cope by agreeing with what he asks so he’ll stop harrassing them.

      Am getting the dr cert though.

      • +1

        definitely go through it with your doctor. it will help outline a medical history for evidence if you do need to claim and rely on it later.

    • +1

      Seconded! Your condition qualifies you for stress leave, which is normally deducted from your sick/personal leave balance. Use that time to regroup and look for a new job, your position in your current company is likely untenable in the future.

  • This doesn't sound so good. Can I ask what industry and what your role is? What role is 2IC and HM and Big Boss?

    • I’m sorry, the industry I’m in is small with only a few big companies. I don’t want to be identified.

      • That's fair enough. Unless this industry is something you're really passionate about and want to dedicate your life too, don't take your job too seriously for now and start looking for another job. In my experience, HR won't be much help so don't expect too much from them.

  • +3

    This sounds like every other work place. Take sickies and look for another job and if you can't find your field then look for any other type of job in the mean time. Get out of that toxic environment, no need to put all this stress and effort to fix this as the problem is from the top and it's not worth it.

  • +1

    If you can and feel up for it, please send HR an email that is effectively a timeline of events that includes the dates and times of bullying. Also include the date of meeting with the big boss, 2ic and what you told them. Include the date of meeting with HR too where you explained it all. Keep HR honest by documenting everything, have a trusted friend read it and send it to them. Keep a paper trail and highlight that hR Must do their job to protect you and you know your rights:

    E.g.

    Subject: workplace bullying

    Dear HR manager

    Thank your for taking the time to listen to my formal complaint about workplace bullying by "Bad manager" that had been ongoing from mmm yyyy until now.

    We discussed the specific indigenes and here is a more detailed timeline of events that I have recorded since the bullying started:

    DD mmm yyyy: brief description of incident 1, where it occurred, how you felt and how it impacted your ability to work.
    DD mmm yyyy: description of incident 2 as above
    .
    .
    .
    DD mmm yyyy: description of when you have raised issue with big boss,
    DD mmm yyyy: description of when you raised issue with HR

    DD mmm yyyy: description of stress levels you have had to take (go see GP and get it documented)

    I thank you for your support and I look forward to HR following their bullying prevention policy.

    I am also concerned about retaliatory action and impact on my future career. What protection do I have from retaliation either from the boss or management for speaking up?

    I have received advice that the next steps would be to speak to global HR and/or fair work Commission should bullying continues, retaliation or if I see a negative impact on my future career.

  • +1

    Visit here and see if you can get help before you leave or quit. Id also use all your sick leave by going to the Dr and telling them whats happening and causing u stress. Use this time to find another job. But make sure u contact fairwork

    https://www.fairwork.gov.au/

  • +2

    most people seem to forget that in EVERY workplace there will be at least one a#@hole.

    there will always be someone in your workplace that you don't see eye to eye.

    How does one avoid this? start your own business, employ no one

  • +1

    Wouldn’t recommend the legal route (workplace dispute, bullying, damages etc….). It can be a long and expensive road, with little in return. It’s unfair but just resign. Put all of your efforts into getting a new job.

    • +1

      and into taking care of yourself, because no one other than you will. Hope everything turns out well for you!

  • -1

    Apply for new jobs, secure one, then resign. Don't gossip and whinge about coworkers.

    You have scorched the earth at your current job.

    For the bulling stuff, work out if you are covered in your state (or territory). But be careful, your complaints read like you are a disruptive, unsatisfied employee and your manager is trying to resolve these issues to the best of their ability (by removing you from the team). That is not good management, but most managers are hired to be 'yes men', not managers.

    If you want to solve this issue and stay at your current job, you need to be humble. Ask HR for the opportunity to apologise to your manager for the trouble you have caused them. Ask your manager in that meeting (with HR) for ways that you can change your behavior to better work with them. You don't have to mean it, but you have to appear sincere.

    If you haven't received any written warning there is still time to salvage this job. But you need to start kissing arse and be easier to manage (because your manager clearly doesn't have the skill to actually manage you properly).

    And for your own sake, find a way to release stress outside of work, like exercise.

    • +4

      Under no circumstances should she stay in this toxic environment pretending to be repentant.

      Make a plan and get out asap.

      • 100% agree, but OP said they want to stay.

    • +2

      Thanks for the advice. I see your point but there’s no way I will apologise to this guy, even just for appearances. He’s a horrible human being and my apology will only reinforce it’s ok to treat ppl like he does and get away with it.

      I don’t want any part of this job now that I’ve seen how toxic it is so it’s just buying time until I can get out.

      • +1

        Good, make sure you secure another role before you leave.

  • -1

    Give him the old one-two goodnight OP!

    I have never met a man/woman/child who did not drop like a sack of potatoes from my left hook straight right combination in or outside of the ring. Best way to sort out bullies or anyone you don't like.

  • +4

    Having had a similar situation a few years ago, you're better off looking for another job and getting out as soon as you can. You'll feel so much better very quickly!

  • +2

    There is no real solution to a terrible boss.

    You knew he was an incompetent bully and should have been working on your exit strategy long before he put his target on you.

    But now is the second best time to start! Dust off the CV and start interviewing, get new job, resign, enjoy life.

    • Yep, this was the kick I needed to get out. Painful kick but needed some sort of trigger otherwise would have continued unhappily tolerating everything.

  • +1

    If you work for a big 4 bank PM me the same thing happened to me. HR joined into the bullying in my case.

    • -1

      That’s horrible. I’m sorry to hear HR did not help. I don’t work for a big 4 bank. I’m not comfortable sharing the industry I work in as there aren’t many companies in the industry so might be easy to work out.

      • No worries no need to share the info. I ended up making a super claim ..income protection until I found a new job. Your story sounds exactly like mine but I’m prone to anxiety and it just blew out and I couldn’t get out of bed for a year. It turned into a full blown anxiety disorder and depression. Just look after your health first.

        • I’m so sorry to hear that. What a horrible situation! I’m glad you found a new job and you’re healing. I’ll keep a close eye on my physical and mental health. Am seeing a counsellor from work but may go the official route with a mental health plan if it gets worse.

  • +3

    Thanks for sharing your situation - very sorry to hear what you're going through. I completely understand when you describe how much it's affecting your life outside of work and it's such a tough position to be in especially with the pressure of a mortgage and supporting your family.
    Work place stress is definitely on the rise and it's very real yet it can be very difficult to identify - same goes for bullying and I think you've clearly articulated the factual points around experiencing both workplace bullying and stress.

    Although I don't have any great advice other than to put yourself as number 1 - to the company you (and any employee) are always expendable but to your family and Loved ones you are irreplaceable. It sounds like your talents are being overlooked and wasted (because you can't even use them effectively in your current working environment) so I agree that it might be wise to be on the 'lookout' and hunt for another job and then tender your resignation. There is still a bit of a game to play in order to protect yourself (ie. I agree that the exit interview is a good place to be truly honest, whereas now it may jeapordise your current position further) - but I also admire your courage not to give in and endorse the childish behavior of HM. Well done on your strength and resilience in sticking it out thus far.

    I know people who have also left work due to work stress related problems and have claimed income protection until they found a few job. If your counselor refers you back to the GP to get a mental health care plan for a psychologist then it means you could be diagnosed with something eligible to possibly claim income protection (if you have it - most people have something at least basic with their super fund, you could enquire with whoever you have your super with unless you've taken out a separate income protection policy). Something to keep in mind in case it comes to it so you might get at least a bit of financial support and it offers an opportunity for you to take a break altogether in the mean time with the alleviation of financial stress. All the best and take care of yourself!! Remember to find ways to invest in yourself (go for walks on your break, affirm yourself and exercise healthy thought patterns, pray/meditate/practice mindfulness etc.) because you're worth it!

    • +1

      I do have income protection. Will check the policy and see if it is covered. That’s helpful to know and definitely take away some of the financial stress. I will take better care of myself. Went to the GP today, he suggested the same regarding exercise and techniques for sleeplessness. Blood pressure is on the high end which GP said is stress-related. I’m going to make a conscious effort to not let this affect my health bc it’s not worth it.

      • +2

        Well done! it looks like you're being really proactive about it and self awareness is such an important thing which I'm glad to hear you're taking the time and care to do. You are absolutely right - it's not worth it! I hope everything goes as smoothly as it can without leaving too many scars and may there be hope in the next exciting chapter in your life once this is all finished. Good luck with the Income Protection - remember that one of the key things is that is a medical condition has to be limiting your capacity to do your job - in this case it sounds like it is but the language is important when applying for these things as they will try to find grounds to reject a claim. Also you will need the support of your GP to vouch for you and be contacted by your insurance company (which most GP's would gladly do given they know how much it is affecting you). Hope it goes well!

        • +2

          Thank you. I wasn’t sure what to expect by posting my story but the support and advice on this thread has been invaluable. I’m very heartened by your encouraging words.

      • I also found out stress isn’t a diagnosis to make a claim. Needs to have leaded to a disorder …eg. anxiety disorder or depression

        • That’s good to know. Thank you.

  • +2

    Something similar happened to me. Unfortunately the said person kept their job even though multiple people complained about them and quit because of them, giving HR feedback that they left specifically because of them.

    I went over their head and got myself assigned into another team with a different manager. It was a terrible situation to be in because I usually get along with everyone and don't like to have conflicts. I eventually left as having this person in the same office as me even though they weren't my manager was just too mentally draining.

    I recommend that you find another job ASAP. I know its not fair that they are incompetent at their job and you have to go but work politics are usually too complicated and senior managers play favourites and there is nothing you can do, I mean you could try complaining through the right channels but its less troublesome to just find another job.

    • +1

      That’s awful that by keeping a bully the company lost 3 good people. They don’t realise the wider cost of losing productive employees and having to recruit new replacements.

      The situation sounds very familiar, 2 other ppl have already left the team bc of HM. They didn’t bother going through the channels and just found a way out before it got too bad. I wish I had done it earlier when the market was busier.

  • thank god this country has centrelink, dealing with this shit seems rage inducing. i dont have to do anything and get paid.

    • -1

      I'm so happy paying taxes so that it can go to supporting people like you. You seem like an upstanding citizen and not a burden to society at all. If only everyone was like you the world would be a better place.

  • +2

    This environment is toxic. Get out as soon as you can, you’re mental health will thank you for it.

    In the mean time take it to HR. Hopefully they will step in. They don’t always but sounds like it can’t get worse, so not much to lose. Find out if it’s possible to transfer to another part of the business.

    If you can’t transfer start recording date, time, witnesses for all ‘incidents’ with any of this group. Try to piece together this for previous incidents. Keep it factual, not emotive. Put it into a folder along with any emails or other physical evidence of what’s happening.

    If it gets too much, consult an employment lawyer with this file about your options.

    This kind of thing is really tough. Do whatever you can for your mental health first and foremost. Don’t be afraid to see your doctor and ask for help and recognise this is all about them them and their issues. Don’t let their negativity impact your self esteem.

    Good luck!

    • Thank you. I’ve gone back and documented everything for my hr meeting. And started counselling and seeing the Dr. I’m not usually an anxious person but I feel very fragile these days and know I need to get proactive about keeping my mental health. Been applying for jobs but very quiet. It’s hard not to take a hit to the self esteem.

      • +1

        Yeah it is when job hunting but you’ve done nothing wrong to cause any of this crap so don’t second guess yourself on this.

        Managers need to be able to give and receive feedback but clearly this one can’t without kicking out, so you’re already mentally stronger than they are!

        Exercise, if you can manage it, will help. So does anti depressants if you’re struggling. It can stop the downward spiral.

        The other thing is trying to build a wall. Work is just a thing you need to get through to pay the bills and nothing more. It finishes when you leave the office for the day and you can spend the time there thinking about all the things you’re looking forward to that evening.

        Also If HR propose anything other than a transfer to a different area for one of you, tell them you don’t think it will work as you’re scared the bullying will continue. If things get ugly HR might have to justify why this wasn’t possible in court. Also accept a transfer if available. You just need a break from this situation to work on your job hunt. Who cares what you do, they can’t make you take a pay cut

        • Yep I’m trying to keep work and personal life separate. I don’t want it to negatively impact my life at home - my kids don’t deserve that.

          HR asked me what outcome I want from this. I said I wanted to move to a different area bc of the risk of retaliation. They said it’s unlikely I can move but they will put “measures” in place to stop any retaliation if the outcome is that he has bullied me and I still need to continue working for him. As if I’d put myself in the position of continuing to work under this manipulative moron! I don’t believe any measures can stop his retaliation or retaliation from big boss.

  • +1

    Go to HR and ask for advice.

    • I did a couple days ago. An investigation is being opened.

  • +2

    While looking for another job you need to protect yourself as much as possible.
    Keep detailed notes of all incidents and interactions and keep to the facts and don't make it personal.

    Go to HR and put in a bullying and harassment complaint as this will then be documented if needed at a later stage.

    Continue to make notes of all issues.

    The business has a obligation to take the complaint seriously as if it does not it could find itself in a legal bind. The company may also have multiple complaints about this individual which may help.

    Keep records of how it has been handled from HR too, this is about protecting your income while looking for other work. The company may have no choice but to take action against the HM.

    • Thanks for this. I’m keeping records and trying to get our interactions on email so it’s all documented rather than phone conversations. Ive also raised a case of bullying.

  • +3

    Big boss has instructed HM to manage you out.

  • +4

    I can’t post the reference link here but does this also sounds familiar?

    Who Gets Targeted
    Why Me?

    Unlike schoolyard bullying, you were not targeted because you were a "loner" without friends to stand up to the bullying gang. Nor are you a weakling. Most likely, you were targeted (for reasons the instigator may or may not have known) because you posed a "threat" to him or her. The perception of threat is entirely in his/her mind, but it is what he/she feels and believes.
    WBI research findings from our year 2000 study and conversations with thousands of targets have confirmed that targets appear to be the veteran and most skilled person in the workgroup.
    Targets are independent. They refuse to be subservient. Bullies seek to enslave targets. When targets take steps to preserve their dignity, their right to be treated with respect, bullies escalate their campaigns of hatred and intimidation to wrest control of the target's work from the target.
    Targets are more technically skilled than their bullies. They are the "go-to" veteran workers to whom new employees turn for guidance. Insecure bosses and co-workers can't stand to share credit for the recognition of talent. Bully bosses steal credit from skilled targets.
    Targets are better liked, they have more social skills, and quite likely possess greater emotional intelligence. They have empathy (even for their bullies). Colleagues, customers, and management (with exception to the bullies and their sponsors) appreciate the warmth that the targets bring to the workplace.
    Targets are ethical and honest. Some targets are whistleblowers who expose fraudulent practices. Every whistleblower is bullied. Targets are not schemers or slimy con artists. They tend to be guileless. The most easily exploited targets are people with personalities founded on a prosocial orientation — a desire to help, heal, teach, develop, nurture others.
    Targets are non-confrontive. They do not respond to aggression with aggression. (They are thus morally superior.) But the price paid for apparent submissiveness is that the bully can act with impunity (as long as the employer also does nothing).
    According to the 2007 WBI-Zogby Survey, 45% of targeted individuals suffer stress-related health problems. Additional findings regarding targets' health can be found in WBI research and the PTSD-related research by others posted at this site.
    See the WBI 2012-IP-D Health Impact study.
    Read our checklist of common signs of bullying.

    • That was very insightful. It makes sense. Have definitely been played bc I was easily exploited. I do my job well and HM has always been threatened. He’s been stealing my work for a long time. He’s a shady person with no integrity so I’m not surprised he would stoop to such lows and set traps to get rid of me.
      I’m getting out, matter of time. Just need to stay strong and stop being exploited.

  • +1

    You were played / used by the other 2IC, who wants to bring down your HM (and happy to sacrifice you in the process). Deep down, that 2IC is laughing inside.
    The big boss knew this is his 2ICs fighting. However, since you complained, he was hoping you could sort this out with your manager.

    The best option is you find a new job and move on. If you really want to stay at where you work, then you really need to ask yourself this question: are you STILL willing to work for your manager? If yes, the best way is to try to reach a middle ground / cease fire with your boss. HR is involved now though. None of the other 2ICs will take you now given what happened.

    What you should have done (if you really wanted to stay) was inform your boss that you got tricked by the other 2IC and fell into that 2IC's trap early on. That way, your manager could take up the fight with that 2IC. Is your manager aware of the other 2IC's plot? If yes, I am surprised he hasn't gone to the big boss and fought it out with the other 2IC (and completely lay the blame on that 2IC provoking you). If your manager is aware of it, the way he handled it isn't very smart (not shrewd enough).

    It's hard to get big boss' blessing to get rid of your manager. Even if the big boss deep down wanted to get rid of your manager, he knew this was 2ICs fighting. Under that condition, he cannot set an example that this is the way for his 2ICs to in-flight and get rid of each other (provoke people underneath).

    I know you are upset about some of the things your manager did, but taking credits isn't a big deal to be honest. The reason is that when things gone pear shaped, your manager will cop the blame as well. Just think of it as he employed good people so he can get the credits. You also experienced at least one of his peers eagerly plotting his downfall. You got tricked by the other 2IC doesn't look good on your manager honestly.

    Really consider getting a new job. If your boss is nasty (before all this) and his peers are backstabbing each other, best to leave the company and go to a much healthier organisation.

    • -1

      Wow that’s a very in depth psychoanalysis and quite a few truths in there. The 2IC successfully plotted the downfall of another peer and got that team moved under him. He probably thought he had it all figured out. I didn’t know that 2IC did this to another peer until recently when I was told by another colleague. That entire management layer is toxic. I’m sure HM knows 2ICs plan so he has another battle he has to fight. They can all fight to the death for all I care. I’ve mentally checked out. Just need to get a new job and can officially get out.

      • +1

        There is a lot of politics at the management level. It's like that in a lot of companies (virtually every company). Even though majority of the mangers I worked and work for are people's managers (they really look after their staff and to me they are awesome), they all had/have to play the politics (whether they want to or not). So many unbelievable stories. Honestly, your story so far is just chapter 1 of how someone in the LT (leadership team) tries to get rid of another person in the LT.

        Don't stress out. Actively seek a new job elsewhere. However, in the mean time, try to handle this as professional as possible. Don't expect too much from company HR. Get support from union or get some legal support if you need to (try local legal aid if you don't have friends in law business).

        Once you found a new job, you will stop caring about your HM quite quickly. Finding a new job is the biggest victory and the fight between the 2IC and your manager has started so it will only get uglier.

        • I’ve seen the politics play out before but have always tried to stay out of it and just do my job. It makes me want to get out of corporate life seeing how ugly it is.

          2IC and HM will duel it out. I’m sure there will be other casualties.
          I’ll hopefully be long gone by then.

  • +1

    Not sure if it's been started yet but go on medical stress leave

  • is the organisation large enough to just transfer into a different team / manager?

    • There’s no obligation to unless the bullying comes back successfully which is not likely they will admit it.

    • I won’t be able to transfer to a different team, my role is specialised. I’ll have to find a whole new role in a different division - that’s the same as finding a new job bc I’ll have to go through interviews to move internally. Might as well focus my efforts on a new company without the toxic culture.

  • Sorry, i haven't read all of this. I have been , and currently am in a similar situation.
    1. Take notes of what happened, where possible. If you have any colleagues in a similar position encourage them to do so as well. If the hm is getting results, the company will stand behind him unless there is evidence of high staff turnover etc
    2. Remember it's harder to get a job, when you are out of work especially, if a new employer calls your hm.
    3. Maybe stay speaking to a dr, and look at taking leave for stress etc if you're mental health is that bad. Though it may affect future job prospects.
    4. I have q current manager that is am arrogant dh with no people skills forever he does agood job. The rest of the staff won't do anything however they respect the fact that i stand up for myself (not too mention i have a few friends in high places).
    5.best of luck, but you may need to go on leave, especially if a dr endorses it. If yiu do end up in a psych ward, it will send a message to the company.

    • Thanks for the advice. I’m sorry you’re going through the same situation. It’s good to hear you’re standing up for yourself and have support from up top.

      Can I ask why it may affect my future job prospects if I take stress leave (point 3)?

      • +2

        Once you've taken stress leave, if a future job application asks a question regarding whether you have suffered any mental illness in the past and/or taken any stress leave, you will need to tick yes. That won't be good.

        • +1

          I havent been in the job market for a while but I dont think employers allowed to ask this. Maybe if it was for a air traffic controller or something similar

        • I’ve never been asked about mental illness in a job application (I don’t work in a high-risk job where maybe this would be relevant). Wouldn’t it be considered discrimination if that was the basis for not being hired?

          • @misswanderlust: Yes I think so, unless it related specifically to the job you were applying for

      • +1

        As netsurfer said.

        Just keep smiling, especially with the HM. Don't let them think they have got to you. Smile. Offer to buy them a coffee (yes that will hurt) of soft drink. Above all, be professional.

    • Be careful with #3. netsurfer is right, some industries do require disclosure of conditions that may impact performance. Also, a GP I know advises to be wary of mental health plans (apparently actual referrals to mental health prof are treated differently under newish legislation) if disclosure is required.

      That said, the management at your work have played you into a shitty position. Document everything! Get out!The fwa advice is sound. Your sanity is worth more than your salary.

  • +1

    This situation is unfixable. And I cannot believe you were told to give your own manager negative feedback. No one has your back here and you will not win any fight. You need to find a new job. Start your hunt now.

  • +1

    Make diary notes of any negative interactions. dates, times, people, what happened.

    Join a union.

    See your doctor and take some personal leave. NB: Don't say you are stressed. You are anxious.

    Look for a better job.

    Don't trust fellow workers when they ask you how you feel about other workers. I've been done over before as I'm a very open and candid person. These days, when asked, everyone in the office is a good person, no matter how much I hate their guts.

    • Oh lesson learned by me too! Will be hard for me to trust anyone at work again after this!

  • I'm too scared to even share my experiences of bullying at NSW Government Org. It's out of control!

    Like it or leave should be the motto

  • +2

    Unfortunately, you've been played/tricked by the 2IC. What you did was a no-no.

    What has happened has happened.

    In case you are wondering why the big boss told you multiple times to work it out with your manager. At their level, the in fight is much more bloodier, what you mentioned is nothing in comparison. The reality is that the easiest way to bring your manager down is for your whole team screw up big time multiple times. You can count on the 2IC wants that. Mess up your team is a good start. Your manager was hired to deliver, keeping every staff happy is only a secondary objective. It's not practical for your big boss to lose a member in his LT (leadership team) over a staff. It sets a bad example and the big boss doesn't want his LT to concentrate on pleasing the staff. He wants results.

    Unless it is completely unbearable, try not to be stir this even further. Your priority is new job. The more you think about how to deal with this, the more time you waste.

    The only way for you to turn this around is if you managed to do something that exceeds expectation for the team so much so that your manager really wants to take the credit. Realistically, a cease fire between you and your manager is actually a better temporary solution. At least pretending you two are united sends a good message to that 2IC (that his ploy was spoiled). The only way to make life easier at work is if you can re-gain some trust from your HM.

    Try to stay positive. Do something positive for yourself (find a new job). Be extra positive at work before you found a new job. If you put in 100% at work and the work still did nasty things to you, then shame on them. Your HM is unbearable, but you are in the same lousy boat together for now unfortunately.

    • Thanks for that. Really useful insight from the LT perspective. I’m working hard to find another role but still trying to stay focused on doing my job so that I don’t give HM any whiff of ammunition to say I’m not performing.

      I can’t wait to get out but will try to stay positive. Hopefully in 6 months time when I’m in a new job, this will be a distant memory. Also hoping HM and 2IC continue making each other miserable!

Login or Join to leave a comment