Should I Ask for My Money Back My Friend Owes?

vegetariansushi on 08/01/2019 - 09:55
Last edited 09/01/2019 - 19:03 by 1 other user

Hi all.

It is me again. God I just love the forum. So much fun and so helpful.

Ok so…

I always have trouble with asking money back from friends.

I paid for this "friend" whom was one awesome landlord for some ticket worth $30. I was not thinking of asking it back since he was extraordinarily nice to me when we shared the same house. I moved out last week and the payment happened a couple days ago. I wonder if I should ask it back since I am broke as or I should let it slide since he was a good friend and a nice person.

I know this is such a small amount but I just wonder in general how to scale the situation.

For me, I always scale it on the "intangible" (might be the inappropriate adj) expenses. For example, if my best friend tours + drives me around in the city she lives in, I would let it loose because she is paying for the fuel and spending her time with me.

Please comment on how you scale these kinda situations.

Tanks! - (thank

Anyway thank those who replied! :)

Financial

Comments

[Deactivated] on 08/01/2019 - 10:16

+13

With all your posts about troubled/troubling friends…

Maybe a mirror?
- vegetariansushi on 08/01/2019 - 10:47
  
  How did you know? I actually bought mirror from him. :)
- HighAndDry on 08/01/2019 - 11:13
  
  +7
  
  Harsh, but valid.
  
  I find that people do tend to hang around others like them, at least in some way. Not to rag on OP, but I'm somehow not surprised that someone who has friends who won't proactively return $30 is also "broke as" themselves.
  
  OP: If you are 'broke as', and the payment was only days ago, why did you spot them the $30 in the first place? It was a ticket, it couldn't possibly have been a necessity of any kind.
QW3RTY on 08/01/2019 - 10:30

+5

Did your friend ask for you to buy her the ticket or did you offer to buy the ticket for him?
The former scenario makes it slightly more acceptable for you to ask for the cash, but if it's the latter, I wouldn't be asking.

he was extraordinarily nice to me

should let it slide since he was a good friend and a nice person.

It's up to what kind of person this is and how much you value your friendship with this person. That's something that only you can judge, as we don't know the dynamics of your friendship or how this person would react.
My recommendation is that the risk of upsetting a friendship isn't worth $30.
- vegetariansushi on 08/01/2019 - 10:55
  
  +1
  
  True. I think I am gonna let it sliiiiiiide. Thanks :)
- spackbace on 08/01/2019 - 11:40
  
  +3
  
  Did your friend ask for you to buy her the ticket or did you offer to buy the ticket for him?
  
  Friend is Caitlin Jenner?
  - vegetariansushi on 08/01/2019 - 13:01
    
    He asked last sec when he was buying his and said: hey can I use your credit card because I have some trouble with the bank and I didn’t have time to think sooo.
    - HighAndDry on 08/01/2019 - 13:16
      
      +5
      
      and I didn’t have time to think sooo.
      
      Your "panic response" should be "No", not "Yes". Also, you can change your mind. Learn to stick up for yourself or you're just going to get taken advantage of.
      - TheBilly on 08/01/2019 - 21:50
        
        +20
        
        @HighAndDry: Random Person: Hey OP can I stick my finger in your butt
        
        OP: 'panics' yes you can
        
        2 weeks later
        
        Ozbargain post
        
        OP: A really good friend stuck a finger in my butt. When is the best time for me to stick one back.
  - Zachary on 09/01/2019 - 20:53
    
    69 year old woman? Ewww……
holdenmg on 08/01/2019 - 10:34

+15

If you always have trouble with asking money back from friends.

Then…

Don't lend it.
- vegetariansushi on 08/01/2019 - 10:54
  
  -1
  
  It’s situations like for example:
  
  You with your friend grabbing lunch together and you were having a pleasant conversation and you are about to pay yours and he jumps in and say: oh hey can you pay for my meal and I will pay you back later.
  
  Might be a horrible example but I hope you get me :)
  - HighAndDry on 08/01/2019 - 11:08
    
    +14
    
    "Shit, I only have enough for what I ordered - I need the rest for rent/groceries/meds/etc."
    
    But honestly, what kind of shitty friends (no offence) do you have that they order food without having money to pay for it?
    - OzBarAnon on 10/01/2019 - 10:57
      
      I've been in situations where my friends and I have gone to places that we didn't notice had no split bills. Sometimes, they only had card or whatever, so someone would end up owing money. If however, they literally did not have the means to pay for the food that they ordered, then that is a real problem.
  - josetann on 08/01/2019 - 12:21
    
    Carry just enough cash to pay for the one meal. If friend is right next to you when you're paying, pull out the cash, say you just have enough for yours (it's fine to have a bit more cash, but make sure there's a spot in your wallet that only has, say, $20).
    
    If you just paid for yours with a card, and your friend knows, and pushes it…say there's nothing left on it. If they're the kind of friend that asks you to prove it, um, whip out a non-expired prepaid card that has $0 on it, demonstrate that it doesn't have enough to cover theirs, and maybe put on a bit of a "freaking out" show for their benefit. "OMG, do you have anyone you can call to cover this? Nope, can't use my phone, I really should have used the $20 on a phone recharge, but I thought spending the $20 to hang out with you instead was worth it. Man I feel so stupid now. What are you going to do??!!"
    
    Yeah, it'll suck the first time, but they'll quickly learn to not assume you'll cover them without checking first.
    - HighAndDry on 08/01/2019 - 13:06
      
      +2
      
      If they're the kind of friend that asks you to prove it
      
      Drop them as a friend. What kind of (again) shitty friend will insist you prove you can't spot them a meal?
      - josetann on 08/01/2019 - 13:38
        
        @HighAndDry: Obviously, but you may need a way to extract yourself from the immediate situation without coming off as a complete douchebag.
        
        Think of how this "friend" will retell the story to others. If you had plenty of cash but were being stingy, they'll let everyone know how you wouldn't help someone out even though they had helped you plenty of times (true or not, this is how it'd be told). If you were just as broke as they were and didn't even have the funds to cover yourself…good chance the story won't be told at all, or at least it'll be told in such a way as to not make you look bad.
        
        HighAndDry on 08/01/2019 - 14:07
        
        @josetann:
        
        Obviously, but you may need a way to extract yourself from the immediate situation without coming off as a complete douchebag.
        
        And
        
        Think of how this "friend" will retell the story to others.
        
        You care too much what others think. A "friend" who'll ask me to prove that I don't have money to spot them when I say no? No, that's not someone I want as a friend at all.
        
        Maybe I'm just not desperate for friends.
        
        josetann on 08/01/2019 - 14:11
        
        +2
        
        @HighAndDry: Not arguing with you. I wouldn't want them as a friend either. But some people can be pretty manipulative, and could cause strain in the relationships you have with other mutual friends. I mean, you could just go all nuclear and get rid of not only "bad" friends but also friends of "bad" friends, and friends of friends of "bad" friends….
        
        I don't mind conflict if it's necessary. But I try to make its necessity a rarity.
        
        HighAndDry on 08/01/2019 - 14:22
        
        @josetann: Maybe I just don't have bad or manipulative friends. Or else friends who're smart enough not to fall for those. To me, I've never even had to say no to a friend asking, because good friends wouldn't ask if there's any chance you might not be able to help out in situations like this.
        
        Maybe it's not just OP, but a wider, more general - "what kind of shitty friends do people here have?"
        
        josetann on 08/01/2019 - 14:31
        
        +1
        
        @HighAndDry: I haven't run into this with friends either, but I'm VERY selective with who I call a friend. Family on the other hand….
        
        T1OOO on 09/01/2019 - 22:08
        
        +1
        
        @HighAndDry: That sounds more like a stand over guy making you buy him lunch than a “friend”
        
        HighAndDry on 10/01/2019 - 01:14
        
        @T1OOO: Exactly, right?
  - Gotchas on 08/01/2019 - 19:39
    
    +2
    
    Me and my friends normally jump in and sneakily try pay for the whole lot.
    Great offence will be caused if we try and pay each other back.
    
    Pro tip - find new friends
    - bobbified on 08/01/2019 - 19:44
      
      You're asian, aren't ya? :p
      
      They're the only friends I have that would do that!
    - idonotknowwhy on 10/01/2019 - 10:05
      
      Can I be your friend please?
  - Never Pay RRP on 09/01/2019 - 11:53
    
    You should ask why they are expecting you to pay for them. E.g. if they "left their wallet somewhere" then they should pay you back immediately upon returning from wherever you were (or the very next time you see them if you are not going the same way).
    If you are good friends, then you can remind them next time you meet up that it is "their shout".
    
    The example you cited about using your credit card, you should send them your bank details so they can transfer you the money :P
HighAndDry on 08/01/2019 - 10:38

+4

worth 30 dollars

No. Not worth the trouble. Just don't lend or spot them in the future.

Edit:

Please comment on how you scale these kinda situations.

Basically anything under $50-$100, if it's a friend I'm close enough and willing to lend money to, I'm also happy to just spot them and they can return the favour (not the money) down the line. If I'm not close enough to them to just shout them the $50, I'm also not going to lend them either.

Above that, any friend I'm close enough to that I'd lend them that money I'd implicitly trust them to return it as soon as they're able, and if they don't I'd take it on faith that they just can't. I guess it probably helps that I have good enough judgement that I don't have good friends who're also scabs or users.
- bobbified on 08/01/2019 - 15:00
  
  +3
  
  This ^^
  
  With close friends, it all evens out in the end.
tsunamisurfer on 08/01/2019 - 11:39

+15

You were $30 from Broke status and you gave it away?

Please leave Ozbargain.
- vegetariansushi on 08/01/2019 - 13:00
  
  So mean
  - HighAndDry on 08/01/2019 - 13:07
    
    +7
    
    It's very basic financial responsibility advice. Don't spend money, certainly don't GIVE OUT MONEY, when you have none.
    
    Edited for… niceness.
- bobbified on 08/01/2019 - 19:45
  
  +2
  
  You were $30 from Broke status and you gave it away?
  
  I've done that many times, but I never expect it back.
myusername on 08/01/2019 - 12:13

+5

should have a poll option so we can choose no
josetann on 08/01/2019 - 12:31

+2

Short answer, no.

Long answer, don't lend money to friends or family. Consider it a gift. If they repay you, great! Feel free to keep a mental tally that you don't tell them about. If they are in the negative by $100 or more (whatever is comfortable to you), then stop "lending" them money. If you're constantly lending $30 and they're constantly repaying the favor, it's all good.

Without going too much into details, a family member was lent a small-ish sum once. Not long after (a week?) they offered to pick up something that they saw on clearance (I think it was Halloween candy). When they asked us to repay them, we said to just take it off what they owed us (which, while not a large sum, was considerably more than the few bags of candy they got for us). The level of vitriol they proceeded to spew was not expected, even by me.
- HighAndDry on 08/01/2019 - 13:10
  
  The level of vitriol they proceeded to spew was not expected, even by me.
  
  Hahahaha some people… especially since they owed you money at the time, what was their reasoning?
  - josetann on 08/01/2019 - 13:35
    
    Along the lines of "I do so much for you, like X Y and Z, and family should help out each other…." Of course this individual left out all the stuff we'd done for them, how they'd asked us for monetary help multiple times yet we never asked them, etc.
    
    Same individual complains about how much easier our lives are, even though they're not willing to make any changes to have what we have (fyi, they have a smaller family and at least used to make more money). I.e. complain about how they have to work all the time, don't have the time OR money to take holidays like we do…yet don't make the connection that they go shopping constantly, are eating out multiple times a week, buy (finance) new cars repeatedly, etc. You better believe we get an earful if we happen to have something better than them (bought a used vehicle that happened to be a year newer than the vehicle they had bought brand new and still owed who knows how much on it).
    - HighAndDry on 08/01/2019 - 14:37
      
      They sound…. exhausting to be family with. I mean,
      
      Along the lines of "I do so much for you, like X Y and Z, and family should help out each other…."
      
      This would make more sense if they didn't
      
      asked us to repay them
      
      …for Halloween candy of all things.
      
      Honestly if you can't just cut them off, maybe you should beat them at their own game. Cry poor for everything, complain about owing so much money (when you see them), always make noises about wanting to help but just, you know "oh this and that came up and you know money's tight these days and oh who knows where it all goes…".
Cheeper on 08/01/2019 - 12:33

+1

"I always have trouble with asking money back from friends."
Work on developing a problem with lending it out… Fixed..!
Anyone who borrows money and has to be chased to pay it back is no friend.
Best policy is never lend money out…
Topdog on 08/01/2019 - 12:47

+2

its $30 bucks, just ask for it! if she though it was a gift, go down on her and ask for it back
- josetann on 08/01/2019 - 15:08
  
  +11
  
  I…think I may have misread your comment. Multiple times.
  - bobbified on 08/01/2019 - 19:47
    
    +5
    
    go down on her and ask for it back
    
    …you can do both at the same time?
[Deactivated] on 08/01/2019 - 12:58

+1

Try Carnivore Diet.
Tightpocket on 08/01/2019 - 12:58

+1

I'm not even sure how to start a convo of wanting $30 back, usually with a small amount like this you don't ask it back but you hint it or go to lunch with them again next time and bring up "hey can you get this one for me" see if it jogs their memory..if not, then bring out the big gun "remember last time" but to simply ask for hard $30 cash seems petty even though you're broke.
- [Deactivated] on 08/01/2019 - 13:02
  
  usually with a small amount like this you don't ask it back
  
  Why not? As long as the situation is clear. Why should you be experiencing stress, instead of him/her feeling embarassment.
  - Tightpocket on 08/01/2019 - 13:45
    
    it's probably cultural issues more than anything to be honest with you.
    
    like birthday for example (correct me if i'm wrong) but where i'm from (Asia) if you are the man of the hour you should really be paying for all the friends that you invited to your bday party in exchange for their gifts and time, but in here it seems that if you have been invited to attend the bday party then be prepared to split the bill and still bring the gifts in.
    
    bit off topic there but yes we normally never ask it back if the amount is small like that but don't worry if you are close friend then you will get your money back eventually.
    - [Deactivated] on 08/01/2019 - 14:14
      
      I was told in Poland there's no birthday celebration, they have name day.
      Weird to us I think.
- HighAndDry on 08/01/2019 - 13:09
  
  It depends how close the friend is and what kinda relationship you have. Half of my friends I can easily just go "Oy, you still owe me $30 bucks, pay up." The other half we regularly shout each other meals or drinks etc so it'd never come up.
iTzTeFish on 08/01/2019 - 13:54

+1

I think you should ask for it plus interest
djones145 on 08/01/2019 - 14:35

get a debt collector
Ryanek on 08/01/2019 - 16:39

I like to think my friendships are worth more than $30.
[Deactivated] on 08/01/2019 - 17:21

-3

So you weren't going to ask for it at first, but you're thinking about it now because you're broke?

You being broke isn't his problem.

It's like giving someone a birthday present and asking for it back later when you decide you needed it for yourself. Only more pathetic because its… $30.

Let it slide. You'll only embarrass yourself and risk making this person think twice about how you value them and their kindness to you, if you ask for it back.

Edit - only if he specifically ASKED for you to pay for the ticket, and said he'd pay you back, or you offered to cover it and he pays you back later, should you expect it back, IMO. And even in that case I'd let it slide..
- HighAndDry on 08/01/2019 - 17:31
  
  +1
  
  OP's comment above said:
  
  He asked last sec when he was buying his and said: hey can I use your credit card because I have some trouble with the bank and I didn’t have time to think sooo.
  
  So very much the latter situation and the friend shouldn't need to be asked to repay it.
  - bluesky on 08/01/2019 - 23:31
    
    the friend shouldn't need to be asked to repay it.
    
    C'mon, this happened a couple days ago, not 6 months ago. We don't know that the friend does not intend to pay back yet …
    
    OP's description :
    
    … one awesome landlord …
    … he was extraordinarily nice to me …
    
    If it were me, I would let it slide. However, you may find he will pay you back voluntarily anyway. Just not yet. But of course, if you are really broke, and this will be your food/rent money in coming days … ask it back.
chumlee on 08/01/2019 - 19:51

A blow up doll doesn't count as a friend or housemate sorry
- bobbified on 08/01/2019 - 20:02
  
  hey man… I take exception to your comment! My blowup doll has feelings too! :D
  - bluesky on 10/01/2019 - 19:18
    
    You will be able to relate to this movie: Lars and the Real Girl - really funny too! :-)
bobbified on 08/01/2019 - 19:57

+1

If you tell this friend you're broke, what would he do?

My closer friends would instantly pull their wallet out and hand me enough to last me at least a few days. Or after paying for everything we do that day, they'd transfer me some money and send me a message to tell me that (so that I can't say no!).

Then they'd call later to make sure I still have enough to get eat and live day to day. All because they know I'd do the same (and I have).

Money is much easier to come by than good friends.
ozboygsl on 09/01/2019 - 08:37

+1

Maybe grow up and grow a pair.
CheapskateQueen on 09/01/2019 - 10:29

+3

um of course your friend has to pay you back. he asked to use your credit card. you didn't offer to buy it for him. ask him for the money.

then like everyone else said, stop lending money.
afah0447 on 09/01/2019 - 11:10

Let it slide.

Then when friends ask for money in the future don't lend it and use this experience as an example of your reason why.

If your real friends are hard up for cash or in actual need, just give it to them. It will save a lot of heartache.
woodoo cubic on 09/01/2019 - 19:57

Go and ask.
if the landlord really thinks you are one of his/her friends, asking 30 bucks back would not upset him/her. In contrast, you don't have to worry about upsetting a stranger if the landlord does not think you are a friend…
Kelvin0911 on 09/01/2019 - 20:51

Well I think if you still remember and thinking about that $30 then just go ask for it back. Or have that thought stays in your mind… to the eternity
umoddbro on 09/01/2019 - 20:51

Only lend out money you're willing to lose
- itsdougie on 09/01/2019 - 22:30
  
  I wish the bank would for my homeloan
Zachary on 09/01/2019 - 20:52

Hi,

I have someone who owes me money too, about like $400; should I ask them to pay it back or not?

Many thanks,

Zach
- Kelvin0911 on 09/01/2019 - 20:54
  
  If it's over $30 best leave it or there may a chance for some violent vengeance I reckon
  - Zachary on 10/01/2019 - 04:42
    
    Well he said he'll pay it back….and it's been over a year of me patiently waiting…..
newbiesh on 09/01/2019 - 23:58

$30?god ur tight af
- idonotknowwhy on 10/01/2019 - 11:40
  
  Can I have $20 for the bus?
lostn on 10/01/2019 - 00:23

Don't strain a friendship over $30.
Whisper Quiet on 10/01/2019 - 03:33

He should get in touch with you within a few days of it happening, maximum a week. If he doesn't then maybe send a text saying did you want me to send my bank details to transfer the money back, or something along those lines. He could of just forgot or had some issues where he couldn't get money, as you said there was some issue with his bank.
Mosher on 10/01/2019 - 06:31

I have lent money to a mate and he has allways paid it back (never been more than $50.00)

But then again the amount of times we have been out some where and he has offered to grab something for me if I am short

P.S on another note

I hate it when someone is leaving work to go on maternity leave and people try and guilt you into putting in for a gift (Why should I I'm not the one who got her pregnant)
- bluesky on 10/01/2019 - 20:07
  
  … people try and guilt you into putting in for a gift
  
  Nobody can guilt you if your conscience is clear. If you think your reason is justified, you can decline to chip in, and not feel guilty. Unless it is because you want to conform – for the benefits that conformation brings (regarded well etc), but not the “loss” (money, in this case). Unfortunately, you cannot have it both ways.
Melb69 on 10/01/2019 - 08:03

Next time when they ask just say you only have enough for your lunch as you have bills to pay with the rest of the cash you have left after lunch. They'll understand. Or say you already owe another friend money. Good idea not to have to much cash in wallet as well. or Secret compartment. Small amount only for lunch.

If he pushes further and you cave into giving him money. Just get him to confirm he will direct bank transfer to money into your account after. Have your account detail and BSB number to give to him after you pay. Then you have the opportunity to ask again if not paid back later. You still may not get the money, but if hes a good friend he'll pay.

Also you may need to factor in previous incidences that you may have forgotten yourself. As per your scenario you mentioned. You may have taken advantage of him in kind and not recalled it. Did he ever pay for something or did something, but forgot to repay him. At the end of the day you were helping him and he may have taken advantage of you, but that was your choice.

If I see you in the street, can I ask you for a $50.
idonotknowwhy on 10/01/2019 - 10:42

I'm going to try for a high quality response here.

I always have trouble with asking money back from friends.

I'm not going to comment on whether or not you should worry about this $30, but let's talk about avoiding this situation in the future. As other have suggested: you don't have to lend people money just because they're your friend

It can be difficult to make snap decisions on the spot when prompted abruptly (I've been in situations like this and made poor decisions myself in the past), but there's a simple solution. You need to define your own personal policy regarding money lending and gifting. Ask yourself questions such as "are you totally okay with lying?" "are you okay with lending money and never having it returned?". And think about them honestly, taking into account that these situations will occur many times, and guilt/frustration can gradually accumulate.
You could come up with something simple like this if you answered "no" to both:

I will never lend money to people, but I also won't lie and make up excuses about it. I'll simply tell them the truth, which is: "I'm sorry, I can't afford it".

Once you have a general policy like that, you'll be ready to respond quickly and assertively without having to think or stress about it, and with an outcome you won't regret later.

Please comment on how you scale these kinda situations.

We can't really comment on how you should scale the value of $30. $30 to me is something I could forget about easily, but 10 years ago, it would have been fairly significant. All I can say is that in the scale of time, investing energy preparing to handle these situations in the future will provide a much greater return on investment than investing it in the pursuit of this $30.
happirt on 10/01/2019 - 10:53

if you need it just ask for it. perhaps he just forgot. in that case not a very reliable friend. if he refuses to pay, hes not your friend.
real friends look after one another.
[Deactivated] on 10/01/2019 - 10:58

Should I Ask for My Money Back My Friend Owes?

For me, if friend has much less money than myself and I can afford to let it go (forget about it, and not remind him/her) then I will leave it, as like a gift, but if they remembered and paid me back would accept it back also.
1 of my best mates has spina bifida, and related memory issues (think its related to spinal fluid on brain at birth), when I was working and had much more than him, I would often just let it slide, as I was in a financial position to gift him. Now that I'm not working, I would always ask for whatever I lent him, as we both are on disability pension and I cannot afford to gift him.
Note: He always asks, when situation is reveresed, and say If needed 5o borrow couple of dollars for cash only business, where I only had card. If same friend regularly let things go, ie. Gifted me, shouted me (he NEVER does) then it would change things considerably . If your friend often does things (financially) for you, pays for things for you, then never akss for it back, then I would suggest IMO that would mean you should, in all fairness, reciprocate.

Try to ask yourself, 'would they be asking money back from me?, if the situation was reversed, and if situation was reversed, would you have just paid it back already? ' . If either of these are the case, then you are right, to politely remind them about the money for ticket, and maybe mention that you are broke atm.

Many others that have posted here, are in a position financially to not need to worry about the $30, if and when you're in such financial position, that's great, but until then, you can't be rooting yourself financially with your last $30, just because others with much more money, suggest you should.

Your ex landlord probably has much more than you financially, and it's probably just that he has forgotten. A friendly reminder should be fine.
Raj09 on 10/01/2019 - 13:09

With friends or family, lend money and be prepared that they won't return it. Then you cut them off and accept the losses. That why you don't lend in the first place
FW190 on 10/01/2019 - 13:50

you can't be that broke if you are constantly buying tickets for others, just sayin…………
field1985 on 10/01/2019 - 14:16

+1

I buy tickets for mates all the time (often outlay $500+). Then I hold them for at face value until 2 weeks before the show.

If they've pay the face value by then, they get to go. If they can't pay, I sell their ticket on ebay.

It took me a while to not feel like I was letting them down, but if they can't be bothered to work/pay for it, why should I?

My Grandpa always said: Do NOT lend or gamble money unless you can afford to lose it. LIVE BY IT!!
newbiesh on 10/01/2019 - 14:38

Still can't belive 30$!!!!!some ppl…
cupcake on 16/01/2019 - 14:23

She drives you around every where you want to go and now you want your $30 back? O.o

Should I Ask for My Money Back My Friend Owes?

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