Subtle Insidious Sexual Harassment at Work to a Friend

Lwiipantz on 04/12/2018 - 13:33

Hi all,

I'll keep this quick as just after meaningful suggestions. A friend of mine is a contract teacher at a TAFE, a senior exec there helped her attain further work certificates early on and she brushed it off as it was skilling her up to take his teaching duties off him.
Fast forward several month later and he now comes to her office daily for 'chats' has touched her hand once and called her sexy. Has also taken her to lunch and suggested they get a hotel room… basically creeped big time. Also he much older and married with kids.

This is now daily and she will be leaving the organisation in the new year, the exec. is friends with the owner and there is no real HR there is an equivalent Exec. new to the role who she could report too but as she is leaving she is sorta just riding it out until her exit interview process.

Any suggestions other than documenting the behavior and telling him assertively this is not OK? She doesn't feel she can go to his wife as there is no 'hard' evidence and this guy is obviously a repeat offender as he will label her crazy and dismiss her claim. Oh and today he offered to tee up finance for a home for her.. another power play.

Kinda sucks

Education & Work

Comments

  • purplelady on 04/12/2018 - 13:39
    +1

    Can she talk to that other Exec and ask to leave immediately, rather than wait till new year? She can then explain that she feels uncomfortable with his behaviour.

    • Scrooge McDuck on 04/12/2018 - 20:55
      +3

      Until then, she should use an audio recording app on her phone to record in the background during work hours. That will give her evidence to provide in future if necessary.

      And no, this isn't unlawful. It is lawful for an individual to record a private conversation to which they are a party to protect their lawful interests.

  • Ughhh on 04/12/2018 - 13:42
    +3

    Reject any non work Related offers eg. Lunch. Dont respond to flirts and dont give any attention. Be boring, if asked how her day was, just say "good thanks".

    Some men are stupid and cant get the hint. Some cant be close friends with if they find you attractive.

    • purplelady on 04/12/2018 - 13:59
      +1

      And try to have other people to keep her company when going on lifts/lunch, just in case they bump into each other in the same place and he insists to stick around.

  • HighAndDry on 04/12/2018 - 13:49
    +2

    Say no to offers. Keep chats short and solely on professional matters. She's leaving so it's not like she needs any extra goodwill. Document everything in a diary. Drop this diary off with the HR-equivalent Exec when she leaves.

    Oh and today he offered to tee up finance for a home for her.. another power play.

    In context this is creepy, but considering she can just say no, it's hardly a "power play".

  • QW3RTY on 04/12/2018 - 14:01
    +1

    This is now daily and she will be leaving the organisation in the new year

    If she's comfortable to stay until the exit interview, then it's up to her if she wants to take it any further.
    My recommendation is that if she feels that he's just being a creep, but it's not actually manifesting into having a harder time at work or making her fearful to attend work, just get on with it and move on. She'll be free of this guy come the new year.

    And if the behaviour continues, then you've got a more serious situation to deal with and then that can be handled if/when it eventuates.

    • wiipantz on 04/12/2018 - 15:18

      That's essentially her situation. She needs to work until this period. If it gets worse she will act, just a rock and a hard place atm.

  • chumlee on 04/12/2018 - 14:06
    +4

    If a married man wants to fool around may as well blackmail him with some texts, facebook posts, photos etc.

    Still cheaper for him than a divorce and maybe he will learn a lesson

    • dasher86 on 04/12/2018 - 15:15

      then it backfires when the wife is okay with it and you've sold yourself for some texts and facebook posts, photos etc.

      • [Deactivated] on 04/12/2018 - 22:02
        +2

        Or it turns out to be a really good time and they get together every second Thursday. Happy ending with a happy ending.

  • rompastompa on 04/12/2018 - 14:11
    +1

    If there has been sexual harassment, tell her to act on it now, not in a years time. It sounds like she's led him on to upskill, and given him the wrong idea. Now she feels guilty and not telling him that she used him to get further.

    Has she said to him a simple: "Sorry mate, not interested"?

    • shaybisc on 04/12/2018 - 14:45
      +2

      "Sorry mate- not interested." Always the best way but apparently not practiced much these days. After that you know for sure if it's harassment or just misread signals. But senior staff should not be hitting on junior staff under any circumstances.

  • whooah1979 on 04/12/2018 - 14:15
    +2

    Tell your "friend" to print this and leave it on their desk.
    https://www.humanrightscommission.vic.gov.au/the-workplace/w…

    • buckster on 04/12/2018 - 14:34

      Good link, would advise her to get familiar with this and to probably do something huge up to either release to the exec team now, or upon leaving if she's already decided.

    • PlasticSpaceman on 05/12/2018 - 07:28

      I think that link is for discrimination - try https://www.humanrightscommission.vic.gov.au/the-workplace/s…

      Basically what is happening is wrong, illegal, and the friend can contact the commission for assistance if the TAFE itself has no formal process available.

  • tsunamisurfer on 04/12/2018 - 14:18
    -7

    When a man does something extra for a woman, he wants something.

    The exec is just after payment.

    • buckster on 04/12/2018 - 14:35

      Which makes it okay for OP's friend to be harassed at work?

      • tsunamisurfer on 04/12/2018 - 16:04

        I made no comment as to whether it is OK to do what he did.

        I outlined his end game.

        • buckster on 04/12/2018 - 16:57
          +1

          Your comment is phrased such that this behaviour is normal and justified.

          "The exec is just after payment."

          This implies that his behaviour is not significant, as he "just" wants his root/grope/affair.

          If that was not the intended message then you need to take care in phrasing your sentences.

          A more appropriate sentence would be.

          "The exec is a dog"

    • HardlyCharly on 05/12/2018 - 13:16

      Sexism is pathetic. Please think before you type, if you're capable of it that is.

  • [Deactivated] on 04/12/2018 - 14:24
    -1

    I can't see a problem in saying you can't be a homewrecker. Would have helped doing it earlier.

  • shaybisc on 04/12/2018 - 14:32
    +3

    Suggesting you get a hotel room together is the opposite of subtle.

  • Illian on 04/12/2018 - 14:40
    -3

    'touched her hand once'

    Yeah, it's called a handshake lol, pretty normal when meeting people for the first time. /s

    The guy is obviously creepy, but I don't understand why she hasn't pointed this out or really done anything at all up to this point. Seriously, all she has to do is say anything, anything about it to him directly, then he'll deny all knowledge, pretend to be offended, tell her she has the wrong idea etc and it will most likely stop.

    • buckster on 04/12/2018 - 16:58
      -1

      In practice good, but often in reality it can lead to job loss, which is the books are cooked in a certain way, can make it difficult/impossible to challenge via fair work etc

    • HardlyCharly on 05/12/2018 - 13:10
      -1

      Anyone who downvoted you is an absolute moron! THIS is why we have all these problems, nobody has the common sense or rational thinking to simply ADDRESS AN ISSUE. The stupidity presented in this thread is astounding, they're all the kind of idiots who would yell out 'someone call 000!' while walking past an accident instead of doing it themselves!

      What is it about actually doing something that offends you imbeciles? A suggestion for anything else is akin to 'grin and bear it', which is just so incredibly sexist and pathetic. Somebody presents some actual goddamn logic and you attack them. You should all be ashamed of your own ignorance, this is why I hate the internet, it's where all the stupid is let loose.

      • buckster on 05/12/2018 - 23:07

        You're an imbecile too for flipping out over forum comments.

        It just wasn't a partially constructive comment

  • o53djz7qTPY4der on 04/12/2018 - 14:43

    Has also taken her to lunch and suggested they get a hotel room… basically creeped big time

    Oh and today he offered to tee up finance for a home for her.. another power play

    I presume she is familiar with the phrase: "No. Thank you."

  • poboy on 04/12/2018 - 14:50
    -1

    Log the time and content of every episode. If things turn ugly, you will need this as the basis of evidence. Your friend should alert HR. Don't trust HR, but understand that alerting them gives you an element of future protection against the organisation saying 'Well, you never reported it, so how was it an issue?'

    Having said all this, I am male rather than female so I don't have the intrinsic life experience needed to navigate this.

    • uedamasaki on 04/12/2018 - 15:05
      +1

      unfortunately there doesn't sound like there's much of an HR department. I would still try and leave a paper trail.

      Maybe a casual email to the offender:

      I acknowledge receipt of your recent verbal invitation dated 4/12/2018 14:00 to engage in intercourse at the Holiday Inn. I respectfully decline this offer and any further offers for the forseeable future.

  • altomic on 04/12/2018 - 14:55
    +8

    tell your friend to agree to a hotel room.

    book the room.

    tell the senior exec's wife to be there……

    • Scrooge McDuck on 04/12/2018 - 21:09

      A real OzBargainer would also arrange for A Current Affair/Today Tonight/Chris Hansen to be present and roll in the royalty money!

  • Master Bates on 04/12/2018 - 15:15
    +2

    She should wear this and see if he gets the not so subtle hint.

    Master Bates on 04/12/2018 - 15:15 (Collapsed - Offtopic. Show)
    • [Deactivated] on 04/12/2018 - 15:37

      I thought it was going to be a Hillary Clinton pantsuit. That'll do the trick.

  • TheBilly on 04/12/2018 - 22:11

    has touched her hand once and called her sexy. Has also taken her to lunch

    did the lunch come after? she accepted?

  • [Deactivated] on 05/12/2018 - 21:32

    "A friend of mine is a contract teacher at a TAFE,"

    "the exec. is friends with the owner"

    Something wrong with this story. TAFE'S are NOT privately owned.

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