Roommate Situation Affecting Mental Health

LSjogrenSyndrome on 28/04/2017 - 12:46
Last edited 29/04/2017 - 12:59 by 1 other user

Hi guys looking for some advice for my friend, i am posting this on their behalf.

Current situation:

  • Sharing an apartment with another person. Friend is currently paying 45%,whilst roommate is paying 55% (bigger room)
  • There is also one car space, which the roommate paying 55% is keeping to themselves and not allowing my friend to use. They both have cars.

My friend has gone through bullying, verbal abuse and unfair treatment by this roommate and feels that the property isn't being shared. (verbal abuse comes from trying to raise the issue of unfair treatment).
Housemate made house rules which are reasonable such: as no lovers allowed at the apartment (yet the housemate does not stick to this rule).

A few times my friend was unable to sleep at home due to verbal abuse where they felt "(un)safe in that house". The housemate once screamed at my friend to "make (their) way out" after my friend parked in the shared car space.

My friend is also subject to various stresses (financial and family medical issues, work and study stress etc). . Ultimately, it is affecting her mental health and affecting her ability to focus on university. As of late, there was an attempt of drug related OD in which hospital admission took place. Luckily my friend is ok for now.

I should mention this is in the QLD area. The landlord of this property has noted that this housemate has burned through roommates every year (up to ~4 now i think?), yet she has been negligent about moving my friend to another apartment and such. My friend has contacted RTA and QTAC but they responded with excessive hardship must be shown from the landlord.

The lease ends mid July this year. It would be best for my friend to get out of the house ASAP. Is there any advice you could give her for breaking the lease? (preferably one without large expenses as a consequence)

TIA

Home & Garden

Comments

  • redforever on 28/04/2017 - 12:52
    +1

    Mid july is not that far away. Your friend should give her landlord notice to vacate now and start looking for a new place. Worst case, she has to cover 2 months rent.

  • Skramit on 28/04/2017 - 13:01
    +13

    Move out.

    /thread.

    • Scab on 29/04/2017 - 06:36

      Move out of the thread?

  • tsunamisurfer on 28/04/2017 - 13:08
    +10

    If this is situation is impacting oneself such that a drug OD was attempted, move out now.

    What can be more important than one's own wellbeing? Certainly not 2 months worth of rent.

  • Findo on 28/04/2017 - 13:25
    +2

    Move out. Nothing is more important than her own health. Money comes and goes, and if she's not well and happy she'll lose the ability to regain what she's lost.

    • SjogrenSyndrome on 28/04/2017 - 16:22

      Friend is on a very tight budget. Family issues and university fees

      • Baysew on 28/04/2017 - 17:12
        +4

        Give or lend your friend some money.
        You gotta look after your mates.

  • [Deactivated] on 28/04/2017 - 13:32

    Your friend needs to get some serious help. Not sure you can entirely blame the roommate for a suicide attempt on your friends part.

    Leave the place, deal with the consequences later if need be

    • SjogrenSyndrome on 28/04/2017 - 16:22
      +1

      Roommate is not to blame, but the toxic environment making my friend feel like they don't have a home may contribute to feelings of self inadequacy. Already booked counselling sessions as well

  • JIMB0 on 28/04/2017 - 13:38
    +2

    Bikies

    • subywagon on 28/04/2017 - 13:59
      +1

      /thread.

  • pantsparty on 28/04/2017 - 14:24

    Move out now. I would gladly lose out on 2 months rent for happiness. Is your friend actually on the lease, or do they just pay the room mate? I assume they cannot move out now however - if the solution was that easy you would not have posted here?

    • SjogrenSyndrome on 28/04/2017 - 16:20

      Issue is finance. Friend is also paying for uni (not covered by hecs) on top of that family medical issues. I believe they are on the lease as well

  • [Deactivated] on 28/04/2017 - 14:26
    +1

    no lovers allowed, why not?
    whats wrong with lovers?

    • supnigs super skids on 28/04/2017 - 16:46
      +4

      Bathroom lovin' and kitchen bench MC lovin and not to mention frypan dinging and clapping when the hour strikes.

    • EightImmortals on 28/04/2017 - 17:10
      +1

      Nothing worse than being kept awake all night while someone is banging away in the next room and you aint getting any….

  • chumlee on 28/04/2017 - 14:31

    Why doesn't your friend take out an AVO on house mate?

    Otherwise lodge an application with governing body that looks after residential tenancy eg VCAT in Victoria and request to get out of lease due to constant abuse from house mate?

  • kywst on 28/04/2017 - 15:55

    Move out and move on. Is there a lease covered by RTA? Serve landlord breach remedy notice and promise to make their life hell. They'll want you to leave after that.

  • supnigs super skids on 28/04/2017 - 16:49

    Move out or show room mate who's top boss in da house

  • [Deactivated] on 28/04/2017 - 18:36

    I think it should be sorted out in the backyard Kimbo style.

  • justaverage on 28/04/2017 - 18:49

    I was in a similar situation except my housemate was the one with the mental health issues. He would often right letters and blame myself and other people for his depression and ptsd. I got out of there and moved back with the parents. Had to pay rent for the next 28 days as was a month to month lease but so glad i got out of there.

  • maomao on 29/04/2017 - 09:14

    Seeking support from a counselor sounds like a very good idea, if your friend is able to access counselling through the university that may be a cheaper option as well.

    I wonder if a letter from a support agency (Salvation Army, Vinnies, Anglicare etc) to the landlord requesting that your friend's name be removed from the lease is an option. They may also be able to provide options for housing for your friend if she is struggling in general with communal living.

    If the current living situation is negatively impacting their well being and exacerbating mental health issues then a community services agency should be able to advocate for the person being affected. Perhaps do some research to see if there are any housing support workers at any community agencies near you. Alternatively, if there is a history of verbal abuse it might be worth speaking with the local womens refuge to see if they are able to provide support with removing your friend's name from the lease.

    Best of luck for your friend and good on you for trying to help her.

  • WT on 29/04/2017 - 09:34
    +3

    is the room mate sheldon cooper?

  • Aussie Smurfette on 29/04/2017 - 11:48

    Short term financial issues compared to what could end up being long term psychological issues, not a worthy comparison. Your friend needs to think about their own mental health and none of the other issues at this point.
    July is a long way off living in this situation.

  • Love a bargain on 29/04/2017 - 12:35

    Is your friend's name on the lease or is she sub-leasing from the flatmate?

    If former, get out and notify landlord or real estate agent so that hopefully any damage that might happen to the property after that will not be on your friend (if she can get the landlord or RE agent to do an inspection when she moves out, even better). Going down this path, at most she'd lose is a few months' rent.

    If she's sub-leading from the flatmate, then move out & just pay the flatmate out for whatever notice period it is in their arrangement (if nothing was agreed beforehand, 1 month seems fair).

    In either case, get the hell out of there now.

    If she's in uni, there should be support services that she can access (eg accommodation office, students services, student union), some of which might even be able to provide emergency financial support. (obviously each uni is different so I can only go by the ones that I've been to.)

    Otherwise, she can try contacting organisations like Vinnies, Salvo & see if they can provide her with any emergency accommodation.

    Worse come to worse, maybe she can arrange to couch-surf at friend's or family's place for a little while?

  • Bargain Slut on 29/04/2017 - 12:44

    Dead simple, just don't hang out at home.

    I've lived with difficult people during uni and after uni, just spend more time at the Library studying or at work, join a gym to give yourself another 90 minutes where you don't have to be there.

    Basically just head home to sleep. If you're out working, studying or exercising. You're only going to be wealthier, perform better at uni and be fitter, all whilst minimising the face time with the housemate.

    If you are at home have friends over - they aren't exactly going to be a c&%t with others around and if they do you've got the support and if not you're straight out the door the next morning anyway.

    Re the car space - was it agreed that this was exclusively the other persons and is this reflected in the 55/45 split? If not, f%^& them do what you like - rent the space out to somebody.

    • Love a bargain on 29/04/2017 - 13:24

      I've done the only come home to sleep thing due to an unpleasant domestic situation.

      Yes I had somewhere to go to (uni/library) & something productive to do but having to run away from home first thing & not feeling like I coyly go home till late day after day was no fun & it started to take a toll very quickly.

      Luckily I was able to get out of there reasonably quickly. However, it did take a few months (& a number of temporary accommodation) before I got some sort of normality back.

      • Bargain Slut on 29/04/2017 - 15:52

        If the lease is up in July, I think it's a pretty manageable situation for 2 months.

        • Love a bargain on 29/04/2017 - 16:53

          It might have already gone on for too long (considering the recent OD attempt). For the sake of 2 months' rent, it's better be safe than sorry.

        • Bargain Slut on 29/04/2017 - 17:42

          @Love a bargain:

          Cash-flow is a reality you can't necessarily escape.

        • Love a bargain on 29/04/2017 - 17:49

          @Tijin:

          That's why I also suggested ways that she can potentially get support either in terms of financial support or emergency accommodation that is affordable/free. (Not saying it's gonna be straight forward or without hurdles.) But yes, of cos having a bed in a horrible household (as long as it's still safe to live there) is better than being homeless (if there is absolutely no other viable options)

  • Baysew on 29/04/2017 - 13:01

    There is also one car space, which the roommate paying 55% is keeping to themselves and not allowing my friend to use. They both have cars.

    Two cars, but only one space.

    Seems sensible that only one person gets to use it.

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