What is the thoughts on two siblings 12+ of the opposite sex sharing a bedroom, due to only being able to afford a 2 bedroom apartment?
Siblings of opposite sex sharing room
Donaldhump on 17/12/2015 - 13:36
closed Comments
Incest? Nahhh…
I don't know what else was being suggested then
yep for a male with raging hormones.. He needs time to explore
Females don't have raging hormones or a need to explore?
If i'm not mistaken their hormones peak in their 30's compared to the male population?
I think it is OK, but not desirable if it can be avoided. Perhaps some sort of divider or similar could be rigged up?
I think you will find some people react strongly negatively to this, so be prepared for people sharing their opinions whenever it comes up.Just don't make a fuss about the long showers and they should be fine.
hehe, i went from hating showers to have 3 a day when i turned 15…. never thought about that…. shower on son…
might get white tiles
A very pale yellow would be better…
My Dad had to get a bigger hot water system
funny looking back, i made it so obvious… we have white tiles at least
Who cares what other people think?
Ask the kids if they're cool with it.I'm sure Cersei and Jaime are a-okay with this set-up.
Exactly my +1 advise too. It's not your duty of care to get involved in what is their decision.
The fact you asked the questiion tells me you are a good parent so go with your gut feel.Yeah let's ask a 12 year old lol
I think there is cause for concern if it became public knowledge and immaturely spread and perceived negatively especially at school.
If you can't afford anything else they're going to have to deal with it, arent they?
I might consider it a bit mean if you still have other non essential rooms around instead.
Why don't the same sex Parent/Kid sleep in same room i.e. Dad with Son and Mum with Daughter.
That will make for a great marital life. Ever thought about that?
It does work and been successfully working from ages to other non-western countries. Have you thought about that ?
Not really if you thought about the other stuff that was going down then.
Anyway, if you sleep in separate rooms until they have grown up, you might as well not be married.
Also, kids want their OWN space.
See comment below - it is society that quickly assumes bad things when siblings of same sex share rooms or when a father sleeps in a room with his daughter. If you use the past, in the past that was no problem either as men were not automatically assumed to be sex monsters.@Lysander: if i ever get "married” we will definitely have separate rooms. Don't push your marriage beliefs on other people.
Not mine. I think the majority of people sleep in one room together rather than with their same sex kid.
Of course if the marriage is in trouble or there are other reasons such as snoring or shift work there is a good reason for it. But it is not a good reason to it simply because other people's beliefs prevent you from having two siblings sleep in the same room together. That is pushing their beliefs and prejudices on you - don't you see that?
And that what this post is about - not marriage beliefs.
Over and out."do not mix sex with sleeping, my friend…"
Sleeping in the same room is the not the same as the same bed. It's just gonna be a hassle deal with it!
beleive it or not its an option
So is sleeping on the porch. ;)
I come from a culture where multiple families share a home, and many people share a bedroom, but couples still sleep together.
I can't get my mind around dividing an entire family based on gender.
I was from a very poor family, 4 siblings including myself,i am the only male, we used to sleep together in the same room until i was 15, my parents were in the smallest room that can fit in only a double bed max. Those were the days, i guess kids that time were more naive?
yes its the present day stigma
Or more tolerant…..and understanding - ahem
To be honest, I think you should just exercise an amount of common sense.
The world these days tend to be so negative and perverse when it comes to these things that I think we almost encourage negative behaviour. Believe it or not, I would say that 99% of people don't have any incestuous mentalities and are more than capable of sharing a room with someone else, especially a sister.
I grew up in a family of 5 kids in a 3 bedroom house and I can confidently say that none of us had any sorts of such beliefs at all. The media is the main culprit here, fear mongering and drumming up stories to increase readership, play on people's fears and sell papers. It creates a society obsessed with stuff that 99% of people would never even consider.
Just to provide some sort of anecdotal evidence, there's a guy I know whose wife went overseas for a few weeks and they have a young (pre-teenage) daughter. The father and the daughter would share a bed some nights to talk and spend some time together. I think this is a completely normal thing to do and from what I know, this guy is a great dad, but of course, people started talking about it and soon enough, there were friends who were suspicious that he was up to no good.
That's just the way society is these days - everyone is a sexual predator and doing nice things means you have some sort of ulterior motive. If I were you, I would just think about it for a second. Do you have any siblings of the opposite gender? Imagine sharing a room with them when you were younger. Would you have had any incestuous thoughts or done anything inappropriate, I'm sure 99%+ of people would say no, because we're not mentally retarded, so you can apply the same logic to your kids.
Great post. I totally agree with you.
Were we even talking about incest? Sheesh have really fallen back to those depths of depravity?? It does seem that there's a high portion of depraved people around these days.
I thought we were just talking about having to learn discretion and tolerance, and boys understanding girls and visa versa.
I have always shared hotel rooms with my father when travelling…as a teenager and now in my early 20s. No one ever asked or made comments.
You are so right.
Exactly. Back in my teens I absolutely couldn't stand my sister, incest was about as far from reality as possible.
yes what u say is correct… if i had tonshare a room with my sister in teenage years, i would just respect her privacy when getting dressed etc….i certainly dont want to bang her. yuk
That's exactly my point and that's what basically all people would think unless they have a mental issue.
Sorry, no, this is not fear mongering.
Puberty is a tough time for most kids in today's world. There is so much more emphasis on the body and the changes you go through. I thinks kids are more self conscious than ever because of it. For girls in particular, dealing with body changes and things like periods can be incredibly stressful….access to a private safe space where she can feel secure is VERY important. Having to go through that with her brother sharing the room….that would be tough. I would NEVER do that to my daughter.
I'm sure for your son, his puberty changes will be equally as confronting. I doubt he wants his sister seeing him first thing in the morning when he's had his first wet dream or the like.
Please consider this very carefully.
There are a lot of societies where young girls (and boys) don't get this privacy.
I'm not necessarily saying privacy causes dysfunction, but we seem to have a lot off self esteem issues, depression etc that I haven't noticed in the more village type societies.
Unfortunately, I disagree with you.
Ultimately, what it comes down to is the fact that people don't trust boys and girls to share the same room, a concept which I believe is certainly fear mongering. Around the world, people of the same gender share rooms all the time - on school camps, in boarding schools, in many families siblings of the same gender share a room. People believe this is fine because there's no sexual intent, which is fair enough.
However, the moment you introduce the opposite gender, people get worried. What's the difference between sharing a room with a boy and sharing a room with a girl? Well, I believe most people think the difference is that the boy is more likely to "check you out" when you're changing, display sexually predatory behaviour or whatever. This is the core issue - there is a discrimination based on gender and I don't think that that's founded.
I agree with what SlickMick is pointing towards, there are plenty of people who grow up without such "privacy" and do fine, this is all an unhealthy societal construct and I think it's important that we be real. I understand your concerns, but I don't think it's as big of an issue as you make it out to be. As I mentioned before, I grew up in a large family where we had more kids than rooms and we've always respected each other, we've always been understanding towards each other's needs and I think we all understand the situation we faced and worked to make it as nice for everyone as possible.
I'm in my mid twenties. Shared a room with my younger brother (2 years diff) until 15/16yr. Didn't think any of it back then. We naturally gave each other privacy when getting changed/dressed. In saying that we didn't spend much time in our room outside of sleep time.
I know a grand parent who had custody of grand kids docs said separate room or no custody.
I would say go that extra mile to find a place with an extra room. I don't think they will end up in bed together but I think it will be too stressful on the kids. Gourmetfoodie wrote a very eloquent post so i don't need to repeat the points.
It really depends on the kids. You should ask them.
It's not like a 'boys and girls in the same room eww', they're sister and brother so it depends on their relationship.
Ahhhh! They are siblings? What other relationship were you thinking of??
How about kids get a room each, parents sleep in the lounge room?
If there is little or no choice, then so be it.
My mother came from a big family, they lived in a small 3 bedroom terraced house. 4 of them had to share a double bed!
I know times have changed but…….I think it's fine. We shared room til I was 15.
What you can do for privacy is by installing divider eg curtain from top to bottom to divide the room and also for changing etc. I remember looking at IKEA catalogue showing how this could be done - sharing room with siblings of different genderKnock down the walls and sleep 'Marae style'
its not about any thing serious… boys and girls set up there bedrooms different and like doing different things in there bedrooms so your son may want race cars posters and your daughter might want posters of teen bands and being different we would choose different furniture and things like that!
but when ever i go away with the boys we share a room some times 3 or 4 of us in a room and we are fine! all of us are in our late 20s early 30s
I'd avoid it if possible - personally I'd move a bit further out from the city and get a 3 bed place. I would do it with 10 year olds, but not 12 year olds if I could avoid it. If you want to go down the 2 bed route, putting a privacy divider or curtain in is pretty important IMO.
If you can avoid it at all, please do.
My brother had disgusting hygiene as a teenager… and adult… I could not stand it. But if the kids are naturally considerate of each other or forced to be considerate, no problem. I had a female friend who shared a room with her brother until he left home as an adult, they had 3 rooms and two boys, but the boys fought constantly and had to be separated. Anyway, my friend didn't love sharing a room, but it was not more of an issue than sharing with a female sibling would have been. It is up to you to make the best decisions for your family and financial security is one big issue.
My mum's brother's shared a room with their grandma until grandma died.
I strongly incest the son to live in the living room, nothing is wrong with sharing the room, but hey, it's better safe than sorry, well unless Lannister if your family name..
insist, not incest.
They both have a very different meaning.
Also, why does the boy automatically get shafted with the crap room. Equal opportunity.
I think you missed the joke
he simply did nazi it i guess..
What the actual (profanity)? I've seen some OzB topics go weird, but never full incest. :\
I would have thought the two fighting about 'whose room it really was' or when the girl had her friends over her brother annoying her or vice-versa. If the kids are even half-way reasonable they'll understand the reason they have to share. Perhaps just have a conversation about privacy, door-knocking, and general courtesy?
Install CCTV.
Such a great post by unclesnake :D
I feel it should be avoided after the age of 10 or so-same sex or opposite. One thing can lead to another and what not.Prevention is better than cure?. I don't have children but I guess one would know their children better to make a judgement.
Yea, wouldn't want mutated grandkids
man you guys a sick !! lol
I don't think op anticipated the incest theme. Poorly worded op
@tomkun01: I don't think OP ever imagined it but people's colorful imagination start conjuring up possibility of incest and whatnots.
One thing can lead to another and what not.
yes because brother and sister definitely want to have sex. /s
Believe it or not elder one molesting the younger one or similar does occur(not necessarily opposite sex). This is not such an extremely rare event and in all likelihood most would go unreported.
Put one kid in the garage
Exactly what happened with my wife's family. Brother loved it. And when our son got to age 14 we converted the garage for him. He loved it too cause there was more room and he felt there was more privacy. At that age it can be kind of cool to have your own pad.
In my home town in kazakhstan 9 children and parents and our pet goat, all share one room, no one complain
Luxury! When I was a lad ……
Parents should not be worried about brother and sister in the same room, if they are raising their kids properly. If they think there is a possibility of weird things happening then either the upbringing is at fault or your kid has mental issues, which separate rooms won't fix…
Agree
I also think this thread is stupid and doesn't deserve to be on hot topics.Op prob had thoughts goingthrough his head when he was younger… Naughty boy
You forget that there are outside factors asides from parenting that affect children including other children's attitude to it (bullying), school's influence on what is right/wrong and society/cultural expectations. Even if parenting was superb, these other things outside of their control will influence the children one way or another.
Sure outside influences also play a big part, but not really in this context, we are talking about two siblings sharing a room, what outside influence could mess that up? It is natural to not be attracted to your sibling in any way, I would know, I have a 1 year younger sister and we did share a room but only up till 10 years old for me, no dramas were had. Although OP is asking about 12+ year old sharing a room, which does make it more complicated for sure, but not wrong in anyway.
When money is tight you have to make do. I shared a 1 bedroom apartment with a couple and slept in the lounge. It was not luxury but it also was not forever.
Maybe the biggest hassle will be what other (cruel) kids have to say. With some optimism your kids will cope and be better for it.I am highly interested in knowing what everyone's experience had been growing up.
I think a poll should be conducted.Honestly, I think the answer to this question is largely cultural.
Most western/modern cultures focus on the "Individual", whereas Asian cultures tend to focus on the "Family/Community".
Western cultures encourage children to move out of the home once they reach 18 whereas Asian (traditional) cultures encourages families to live under one roof, or close to each other. "Filial Piety" is almost non-existent in western cultures, but heavily emphasized in Asian cultures. (Basically, parents live with their married children as it is the responsibility of the children to look after their parents once they get old.)Quite simply, the idea of "personal space" is cultural. There is plenty of research on this, and it is proven that people from western cultures are more conscious of (and need more) personal space than people from eastern cultures.
Personally, I grew up sharing a room with my entire family (Mum, dad, 2 sisters, me) up until I moved to Australia.
Is this a custodial thing? If you only have them one or two nights a week, then them sharing a bedroom is fine. Just set them up with a bunk bed and a drawer each for them to keep their stuff.
I think it's a good idea especially when you can't afford it. Use it as motivation if the kids don't like it. Just tell them to study harder and each buying themselves a house when they get a good job.
I grew up with older sisters and moved around a lot. sometimes we'd all have to share the same room of a house to sleep in, sometimes we all got our own room. My sisters share a room a lot too. I think sharing a room is tough as a kid and sometimes just fuels that "wanting more" that the other sibling even more being in the same room as everything is on display. I think however, if you have no other choice and you can communicate that to your children and then make it seem fine that they share a room than it should be ok for a couple of years. When they do start getting into the middle stages of high school it is going to be rough. Maybe by then you can afford a bigger place, or be willing to live further away from the CBD to obtain a bigger property.
Their names are not Jack and Jill or Hansel and Gretel by any chance?
I slept in the family living room for the first 16 years. People tell me that I am ok :).
No way in hell… Maybe while they are 12 but once they become 14, 15, 16 and upwards they will want their own space, they might get a girlfriend / boyfriend and want some privacy.
I'd say they really need their own space. Boys start to how do I put this… discover certain things around that age and you'd be better off looking at a bigger place with a compromise i.e. no garage further from the CBD etc. From your above post unclesnake it seems you know this all too well with your long showers.
Ask a priest for guidance on this matter !
It's probably quite common for poorer families in tight living spaces especially in other countries like HK etc. They would even have mixed gender sharing bathroom time.
12yo is Year 6/7… pretty much when puberty is kicking in… I'd say if they weren't already close siblings then moving them together now would be a disaster. A simple divider might not cut it due to noise and simply presence.
You could split the bedroom in 2 permanently. If it is too small to do so then you could bite the bullet and split the master bedroom in 2 and you take the (most likely) smaller kid's room.
The guy above about non-essential rooms like a study/gym is on the money.
It really isn't a big deal. Tell them to study hard and one day they can move out and buy their own place.
Get them to watch Game of Thrones and hopefully they get the message about the consequences of incest.
Really not a big deal. Nothing will happen
Why don't we all watch some wholesome The Brady Bunch to get our minds away from this deeply unsettling topic.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEHpRuG-P94
OP, if you wouldn't mind could you specify their ages for better understanding since you've only said 12+…
My only external concern is if it became public knowledge, immaturely spread and negatively perceived especially at school. Could result in bullying and such.
As others have said, ask them what they think of it.
Hopefully your financial situation gets better as it's best if they can get their own space IMO.
Consider the following:
- General maturity, personality and behavior
- General relationship with eachother
- Mutual acceptance of room design, style and space
- Respect of privacy and personal belongings
- Personal space needed with physical development and emotional times.
If they've being raised and taught well and are not with negative company, you shouldn't have to worry about incest and all that.
All the best :-)
To clarify to others, incest isn't something I personally would worry about at all. I only mentioned it as has been brought up by others above.
People compare it back to the old days. But hey, a lot has been changed in the society. When kids watch TV program Big Brothers, what can they be intrigued? So it's not as good as the old days to share bed room like the old days.
Ultimately, if OP is living in an expensive area, then better consider moving to a cheaper suburb.
Far out. I actually can't believe that anyone is mentioning incest. They are siblings ffs. Are you all that insecure about your own sexualities? I shared a room until i moved out of home. Did i like sharing a room? No. Did i want more space and privacy? Yes. Was there any other choice? No.
I think you should talk with your kids. Try it out. If there are problems that can't be overcome, then figure out a solution, like parents sleeping in lounge room. (I actually know a family who do this. Slightly different reason though).
Depends… If you're in Tasmania then it's one thing. Otherwise it's not a problem.
This thread seems to be going nowhere and is quite disturbing to see the way some people think.
Maybe this will teach your children to wanting more in life and strive to further themselves and strive to earn more money.
12 is okay, 14 is where it might start to get tricky…..