Pregnancy related discrimination at work, what to do?

UPDATE 2:

As everyone here supported so us so much during our difficult time, I feel like you all are our second family and thus another update.
- The most important one first, our baby is okay. My wife and I are really relieved about this and now look forward to a hopefully smoother pregnancy from here on.
- My wife also resigned from her job and currently taking a few days break. During this break she will decide if she finds another part time or a contract role or starts a small business (from home). She is already feeling better, started to eat and sleep better.
- One of the members helped explain the regulation about maternity leave payment from Centrelink in a private message. We had thought we lost all our entitlements when my wife resigned from the job but thanks to him, we will most likely be able to qualify for the 18 week payments at minimum pay from Centrelink. So if anyone else is in a similar situation where they are getting stressed out at their workplace while being pregnant, don't be afraid to change jobs or even take up a contract. The criteria to qualify for the maternity leave payments from Centrelink are more clearly explained on humanservices.gov.au website. Send me a PM if you need more information and I'll help explain and forward the information. As one of the members helped me out here, I'll be more than happy to do the same for someone else!

Finally, I would like to thank everyone for your support, suggestions and being with us in our difficult time. I might upload a link to our baby's photo when he/she is born :)


UPDATE:

We went to see our doctor yesterday morning who has given stress leave certificate. We then had to go to the hospital in the evening as my wife wasn't feeling well and there could be a complication with her pregnancy, tests are underway. Taking this complication into account, we have decided that we don't want any more stress as the complication with the pregnancy has increased our stress by a several hundred times. Right now we feel that we don't want the maternity entitlements or money, we don't want justice or fight them for principle, we don't care about the wrongs they did. All we want right now is for our baby to be fine and healthy. This is a very hard time for us and we would like to sincerely thank the ozb community who supported us by posting suggestions and a lot of members actually posted links and details. I would also like to thank the members who went the extra step of sending me private messages and members offering me help with baby equipment. I'm really grateful to everyone here and I appreciate every single post.

We will be sending out the resignation letter tomorrow morning to them and if karma does exist then they'll get what they deserve or else they win and it's okay. Once we know that the baby will be okay, my wife has decided to find a contract or part-time job as suggested by one of the members. This is what we have decided.

We have learned some lessons out of this. If a job environment is toxic, leave straightaway and do not stay. I feel terrible because we made this decision of staying despite knowing this place was so toxic. We also learned that we should join the union from day 1 in her next job.

Thanks everyone once again. I really hope no one has to go through such challenges especially pregnant women who are exhausted and feeling sick as it is.


Hi OZB Community,

After spending days of stress, we reach out to you for general advise if any of you have ever experienced or know anyone who has experienced such discrimination and if they did anything about it.

My wife is pregnant and she notified her manager two weeks ago. Since that point on, she has been constantly getting intimidating emails from HR and her manager. They have started to blatantly discriminate against her. We believe their aim is to 'squeeze' my wife out the job by intimidating her so much and causing her so much stress that she has to resign.

We spoke to fairwork's general helpline and after listening to our story, they said it was discrimination and asked us to lodge a complaint. We feel that it is so unfair that she doesn't get any support and won't be getting maternity leave benefits if she resigned. However we are in such a stressed state of mind that we have decided to not worry about the few thousand dollars of lost maternity leave payments. But we don't want the employer to get away with this. So far we think these are our options:

  1. Resign and forget about it and have a happy pregnancy.
  2. Join the union and take this issue to the union.
  3. Lodge a complaint with the fairwork ombudsman.
  4. Contact and lodge a complaint with Anti-discrimination Board (We rang Govt. General and Legal advise as the number was provided to us by fairwork helpline. We spoke to a senior lawyer and he said it was clear discrimination and that we should contact the anti-discrimination board).

My wife has started to experience stress and anxiety and has not been sleeping properly and not been eating properly. We are worried that all this is severely affecting our baby. She has been one of the lucky ones to not feel nausea in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy but because of these events at work, she has been feeling nausea and vomiting as well because of constant stress.
Have any of you experienced such a situation or know anyone who has? What did you or they do? If we went through the path of complaint with union, fairwork or any other agency, she can't return to work and will lose her job, is that correct? Is it worth complaining?

We are normal and honest people and live our lives normally without disrupting anyone else's. We have never been in such a situation before and thus very confused and stressed out. Please note that we cannot disclose any details about the employer or how are they intimidating my wife but the discrimination is very blatant which is surprising because from what we read on the internet, most employers who discriminate against pregnant employees try to not make it so direct and obvious.

Thank you.

EDIT: Another option is to seek support of our doctor and/or hospital to get a certificate to start early maternity leave. She's just started her second trimester and it might be too early so not sure if doctor or hospital will help. Has anyone started a maternity leave so early? Because we know the employer won't support and co-operate, we need a medical certificate to support our claim to start maternity leave early. If the hospital gives us such a certificate as she is suffering from anxiety and insomnia, can the employer still deny the maternity leave or ask her to see like their own independent doctors? Thanks again.

Comments

    • Thanks Banana. It was not easy for us to make this decision, especially me. I feel very angry about it and I believe I'll need counselling to get through this anger and stress. My wife's already booked in with a psychologist. Right now we just anxiously wait to find out if our baby will be okay.

  • Wow, thats a crap-load of support
    Sometimes humans astound me xD
    I hope everything with the baby goes OK
    Good luck :D

    • Thanks HeartFeltAxe. We are really grateful of the support we have received here. Good humans do exist and in my belief outnumber the bad minority. We are awaiting anxiously to find out if our baby will be fine.

  • +1

    Congratulations for being parents!!Baby and mother health is most important…

    May be if you file a case against ur wifes employer , outcome will be in your favor…but if me I would always try to avoid any kind of legal thing..its lot of stress…waste of money and time…and also the organization (in which your wife is working ) that might not be bad..may be it has policy for supporting pregnant womens…few people who work there they make whole work environment bad..

    If u have decided to resign…then forget and leave everything behind..even I suggest to close this thread..or not visiting this thread…

    • Thanks samdong, I thought about not visiting this thread any more. But I feel obliged to read and respond to comments of all the people who have posted here to support us. We really appreciate that so many people here have read our rather long post and then write words of support for us.
      Regarding the policy, the company does have a policy of supporting pregnant staff but a ruthless person took charge a few years ago and created this toxic environment. This person started hiring other ruthless people like him in managerial positions and now they are all a team and most of the the good staff have left. The staff left there are either new or too scared to leave because of financial commitments or thinking they'll have trouble finding another job as a bad reference is almost guaranteed if they left.

  • Since she's resigning, it's best you give us the details of this workplace. Expose them for what they are. I'm sure many of us are happy to write them a "nice" letter.

    • Hi StarkIndustries, this is something we will need to check with a lawyer. The last thing we want now is for them to sue us for defamation as we took this decision to avoid stress and if we were to get a letter from a lawyer, that'd be pretty stressful. Right now we are just waiting anxiously to find out that our baby will be okay.
      But trust me, this was not an easy decision to make especially for me. I'm really very angry but I did not want my anger and ego to take priority over my wife and the baby.

  • Dont let them get away with it!!
    Atleast name and shame!

    • Hi Hirolol, please read my comment abvoe to StarkIndustries. We so want to name and shame these people, but we don't want any legal trouble right now. We gave away our entitlements and rights to avoid stress. Right now we are just hoping that our baby will be okay and we don't want any more complications with my wife's pregnancy.

      • well if anything its a shame that you will not try and do something about it after your baby has been born as you and your wife are entitled to the maternity leave.
        But i guess you will have bigger things to worry about like say, i dont know.. a baby?! woot
        good luck and Pre-Congratulations !!

        • Thanks :) Yes, definitely a bigger thing to worry about and as it will be the first baby, we have no idea how to bring up a baby. If at that time we still feel angry about this, we might do something then.
          But in future if a stronger and more brave employee decides to stand up these people and take them to court, we'll definitely support them and their case against this employer.

  • +1

    Can I offer you one little bit of advice? Well, maybe not to you, but more to your wife.
    On the one hand, stress is not good during pregnancy. That goes without saying.
    On the other hand, stressing about stress doesn't help, it makes it worse, know what I mean? The last thing you want to do (or for HER to do), is to think to yourself, "oh I'm feeling so stressed", then think, "Oh crap, I'm stressed! Oh no! Stop it! Stop it! Relax! It's not working!" and so on. The stress causes more stress which causes more stress… vicious cycle.
    Now that the whole work situation is finished, spend your time doing something completely enjoyable, but somewhat dull and relaxing, and different to what you usually do at work. Examples: video games, gentle gardening (nothing involving heavy digging or lifting, but you could do that bit for her), picking up a new hobby like learn the guitar or painting or story writing. Read some non-pregnancy related stuff — pregnancy related websites and blogs can often make you freak out even more. And if anxious thoughts come to you, just think, "yeah I'm worried about X, Y, or Z. That's natural, I'm human, and I already love this baby. But for now, I'm just going to strum another chord / kill another zombie / plant some more marigolds. Tomorrow is a new day and the baby is growing inside me!"
    Of course, these are simple distraction techniques. If that doesn't work and you simply find yourself ruminating or caught in a negative cycle, then some more advanced meditation / mindfulness techniques might be needed, which are very effective as well - your GP can refer you to a good psychologist to help with this.
    I don't know if this is at all helpful, but stressing about stress makes stress worse, and it usually takes more than just "willpower" to stop stressing.

    • Thanks supersoda, those are great suggestions. Our doctor has done a health plan for my wife and she's booked in with a psychologist for consultation. Right now we are still anxious while we find out if our baby will be okay and healthy but in the meantime, we are trying to divert our minds.
      I've made my wife read your post and she says thank you. She is planning on spending time on her hobby, study and meditate. Someone at my work suggested meditation, so I borrowed some guided meditation cd's from the library.

      • Speaking as someone who has been there (stressed during pregnancy, that is, not the bullied bit), I found writing a journal of letters to my baby quite calming. In it I wrote little things like "Dear baby… your dad is already so excited, he's talking to you every night, and you kick when you hear his voice", and "Dear baby, I'm sorry about all the stress hormones going around my body at the moment, but thinking about you does make me feel better. We can't wait to meet you…" I always imagine that my letters would one day be amusing to my child when she is an adult.

        I feel stupid saying it, because I'm not usually the "touchy-feely" type, but writing the letters to a child seems to make me focus on the positive aspects of the baby and helps to get me excited about becoming a parent again… and helps you to realise that some things will be cherished 20 years from now (such as the first baby kick, the first time she responds to your voice, how much watching your husband become more protective makes you fall in love with him again), and some things seem like a big deal now but certainly not even worth talking about in 20 years… such as, you know, that crazy client from work, or the guilty fact that you indulged in too much cake and no where near enough greens today.

        I hope everything works out with whatever complications you are experiencing! I feel you need to give us an update once everything clears up. No need for details, but a simple "All clear, everything back on track" will suffice! I think we all want to know :-P

        Good luck

        • We are also writing a diary and we are even sticking photos in it of things like the pregnancy test with 2 lines, us celebrating, first ultrasound pictures and so on. We don't think it's stupid at all and we love to write details in there which we might otherwise forget in a few months. We plan to give our baby that diary when he/she grows up enough to understand.
          We will definitely give an update and we hope it will be a positive one. The amount of support we have received here is amazing and I now see this community as another family rather than a group of strangers.
          Thanks.

  • +1

    I respect your decision in reply to my comment before. Just let you and your wife know that there's most likely thousands of people on here that have your support and are willing to help you bring justice. It's really nice when we all come together like this, hopefully you looking at this from a bigger prospective can at least decrease the stress for you and your wife knowing this many people have your back.

    • Thanks again. Work related stress level has definitely gone down. She's getting some sleep and eating okay. Now all we need is the news that baby will be okay and our lives will get back on track soon with some counselling and maybe even a weekend away.

  • @Porco Rosso…. from our own experience…you have made right decision….it is not worth stressing out….if it is first baby make the most of this time…by spending time together…reading and listing music or even talking walks etc…. its been over four years for us and still cherishing those days so right decision and good luck and god bless……

    • Thanks so much alfa3276, feel angry about letting them off the hook but for us our family's health was more important. Glad that so many people here agree with our decision.

  • Hey mate i know how it feels to an extent as an apprentice we where called dumb (profanity) by our bosses. pushed around literary but we take that as part of being an apprentice that is one side of work place bullying! But we always stood up for our selves!

    But this is different because of the situation. i wouldn't deal with it how we did like by physically fighting. but just think about how many other people you could save from this situation in the future? we need people to make a stand so they know how not to do it again!

    most likely they will settle out of court because of the extra cost and hassle…

    We live in Australia where woman and men are both meant to be treated as equals! there is a much bigger picture here! if they can get away with this then we might as well be back in the 60s and 70s!

    • +1

      Thanks aussieprepper, you are right in saying that someone else will potentially face a similar situation in this workplace, especially while the same people are in positions of power. While we do feel that we should have fought it so people in future did not face this, we were just having a very hard time because of stress. Especially with baby on the way and complications with pregnancy, we just felt it wasn't worth it. We did not make this decision lightly. I still feel angry about letting them off the hook but in the end we had to do what was best for our family. I might even need some counselling later on to get over my anger and frustration and the emotional stress I've been through.

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