First World Problem - Chinese Restaurant Forced Sharing

voteoften on 22/07/2015 - 22:41
Last edited 22/07/2015 - 23:26 by 1 other user

Yes, first world problem. Annoying all the same.

Tonight My husband and I dined with 4 others t a Chinese restaurant. Several fried entrées ordered. A ridiculous dish of steamed bok choy in oyster sauce was ordered that was as much as main and 10% eaten.

I eschewed all fried entrees. I ordered a dish I thought I would like. And I did.

I liked it.

The problem is that every single person at the table noted that I did not eat the entrées. And that I did not eat any other dish. Not one bite.

The server seemed happy that something was delivered that I would eat and served me the rice. This distracted me.

My BIL said, oh this is the only dish you are going to eat? I said yes, I am excited because I AM HUNGRY, not one other thing appeals to me. So He digs in in. I think how chivalrous! NO!!!! He served himself, then his wife. I had been sitting there for 30 minutes while everyone else dug in and had ordered crap I did not want and that I paid for, via my husband.

I had third go at the dish. Not three goes. One go, after two others and not much. That was the last look in I got. I am a bit shocked.

So much food was left on the table. The only one finished was the one I ordered. For myself.

Everyone knew I would or could not eat anything else and they were happy to decimate my food.

I have literally come home and eaten food here.

Is this fair?

I remember during my first marriage, my inlaws would bring red and I'd bring sparkling. They would say something along the lines of oh well, we might as well drink this sparkling, then I would implore them to open and enjoy their red.

Afer one glass I would be left with nothing to drink.

They were happy to drink both sparkling and red and knowing that I would NOT drink red (at that time and at their choice level), they would drink mine first. Then drink their bottle alone.

I know this is petty, but I would like to have an idea on wwhat to say to people when they have so many choices that they have made (esp tonight) and I have one. I am still hungry. AND I paid. FFS.

Food & Grocery

closed Comments

  • Bogan Timmy on 24/07/2015 - 06:08
    +6

    If you order a dish for yourself take it off the lazy susan! Why on earth do you keep it on there if it's just for you.

  • tramperleo on 24/07/2015 - 06:25
    +10

    In a chinese dinner, regardless family or public, all foods on table except glass of drinks are shared by everyone. If someone eat only one dish and don't want others to take it, he's the one selfish and greedy.

    • ronnknee on 24/07/2015 - 07:36
      +1

      Can confirm.

    • Donaldhump on 24/07/2015 - 10:42
      -1

      guess if you have an allergy to say wheat tough shit

      • enidan on 24/07/2015 - 11:17
        +3

        An allergy is different- you don't have to share if there's a chance you'll be risking your health doing so. In op's case, she states that she didn't like the entrees and the one dish that she did like, others had as well and she only had one serving of.
        All she had to do was order entrees that she would actually eat and anything else that she liked instead of sitting there and sulking like a child.
        She also doesn't specify why she doesn't like sharing, or why she didn't eat any of the entrees, especially as it was her and her husband who were paying.

        • Donaldhump on 24/07/2015 - 11:20

          yeh, honestly … how hard is it to order a meal with ur family or mates…

          if u wanna share, share, if u dont dont…

          im sure if a chinese muslim was eating he/she wouldnt be expected to eat the pork dish

  • mightyfes on 24/07/2015 - 07:45

    Never knew there was an implicit expectation to share food in Chinese restaurants. I guess it's time to apologize to all my friends and family.

    • tikei on 24/07/2015 - 08:16
      +3

      You don't for the cheaper type of Chinese food. If the dish comes with rice or noodles on the same plate (like pork chop on rice), they're typically not meant to be shared.

  • frostman on 24/07/2015 - 08:25
    +9

    This story made no sense - I did not understand it.
    Whatever you did that night that made you angry, stop it.

  • bocca on 24/07/2015 - 09:01
    +2

    People cant read minds. communication is key :D

  • FatBlanket on 24/07/2015 - 09:17
    +11

    You sound really whiney.

    First world problems is right.

    Stop being so picky about your food. If you're really that picky sit at home by yourself and eat fish fingers and packet mash potato. I'm sure you'll die happy.

    Others are saying "time to get new friends", I think that is good advice for YOUR friends.

  • [Deactivated] on 24/07/2015 - 09:20
    +6

    Agreed with zapatos above.

    If its your shout, its your shout. You're just going to have to pay for everything you can't dictate what your guests eat. Its only a problem if they keep insisting that you pay every single time, cut them off or just don't show up.

    If you bring sparkling to the party its meant to be shared. You don't go around to communal events bringing only your stuff because that is what you want. I am sure your hosts will be happy to cater to your preferences (as a host I usually ask). If the hosts don't bother, cut them off or just don't show up.

    In fact, if I bring something to a party, I am super happy if everybody loves it as it should have been my intent anyway.

    Also, not sure if OP or any of the other individuals involved are chinese. You don't exactly have to dine chinese style just because its a chinese restaurant.

    • ozhunter on 24/07/2015 - 12:12

      Agree on everything, but they should have been considerate and not order more than they could eat.

  • Donaldhump on 24/07/2015 - 10:16

    would u not clearly say at start of meal, im ordering this for myself and myself only, u guys do wtf u like…

    if yes then new family/friends required…or at least dont go to dinner with them,
    my wife is gluten free, this would be along the lines of people eating half her food, while she passes on the bread, and wheat based dishes….

    any of them vegos/gluten etc…return the favour

  • arislan on 24/07/2015 - 11:03
    +5

    I'm confused.. what exactly did the Chinese Restaurant forced you do share?

  • itstuan on 24/07/2015 - 11:05

    You have married the man and can't change his family. So, next time, either making excuse not going when they want chinese. Or if you go, just say that you can't eat anything else and just want to order your own dish (and just pay for what you ordered). Don't complicate it too much. One of our friends does that now and then when he doesnt feel like anything else on the menu and I think that's totally fine. So your in-laws shouldnt feel any difference.

  • Cozdog on 24/07/2015 - 11:09
    +3

    Gee, you're going to be on your third marriage soon if you're this whiney about such a small issue.

    There are far more important things in life to worry about… I can just picture you silently seething as you watch people dig into your food that you keep thinking that you are going to pay for, ruining an otherwise good night for yourself.

    Chinese cuisine is meant to be shared, if you don't like the fried stuff, then order more of the stuff that you do like so that there is more than enough to go around… don't expect to order a single dish that nobody else is allowed to touch.

    The other thing that is customary for Chinese Cuisine: if you are footing the bill for the whole table, then you are the only one that should be doing the order. By all means take suggestions at your discretion, but you should be the only one looking at the menu and you should be ordering for the whole table.

  • bargainjargon on 24/07/2015 - 11:42
    +1

    Not necessarily petty but either make sure you get enough food for yourself…
    - maybe by ordering more than one thing that you like
    - or ordering more of the one thing that you like
    - or telling people to leave enough for you so that you have enough
    - or going someplace else where they serve more food that you would eat

    Or eat with different people. You gotta eat so figure out what's the best way to do that.

    All food is shared when I eat with my family and relos but no one is offended if someone says they want more of something. If there's not enough of something, we just order more of it.

  • ozhunter on 24/07/2015 - 12:11
    +4

    The server seemed happy that something was delivered that I would eat and served me the rice. This distracted me.

    What does this mean and what did it have to do with anything?

    • enidan on 24/07/2015 - 14:37
      +3

      Yeah everything about this is weird. Server was glad that you were going to enjoy food- why's that bad? Distracted because you were served rice- distracted from what? Staring in disdain at the entrees that you refused to eat?

  • bargainbunny on 24/07/2015 - 12:59
    +3

    Your problem is not petty, you just have to learn to handle it better yourself. After years of eating shared banquets with greedy people I learnt it's every man for himself. Don't be shy, take what you want. Tell them I'm starving and I'm ordering this for myself as the rest is not to my taste. If they want to try it they can order another one for the table. It's not rude to be clear.

    In terms of the sparkling… it makes sense, sparkling goes flat so most people will go for that first. I would have taken a second bottle so at least I would be guaranteed another glass on opening it. Or do as I did, after many years of having an in law bring a red to drink all to himself and still guzzle up as much of the white as he could I learnt to drink red as well ;)

  • PVA on 24/07/2015 - 13:03

    sounds like you don't like sharing at all, not food or drink. Thats the best part of being out with others.

  • Dr Techno on 24/07/2015 - 13:35
    +1

    Probably best to speak up and see if you can get an agreement on at least 2 dishes you like and if someone really likes your dish just say this is the only food I can eat, how about lets order another one of these since its so popular.. No communication = more silent suffering potential.

  • King Bee on 24/07/2015 - 13:50
    +3

    1) Communicate your intentions when ordering
    2) …
    3) ..

    ..I was going to write a list of things to do, but the first one would seem to solve it!

  • crazyLad on 24/07/2015 - 14:39

    It's all fun and games until you see the bill…

  • hippies on 24/07/2015 - 15:02
    +1

    me personally dont mind if we do this on special occasion or once a week.. not so much about the food / how much bill i would have to pay for me and my partner.. but just to socialize with another human being / family.. me personally dont like if the food on the table empty.. i rather have leftover food and ask for doggybag to take it home. OP if you do this 3 times aweek then i can feel your pain.. but if this is just on special occasion, please move on and get a macca on the way home and dont make big deal about it. this is just me…. no offense…. If inlaw drink your sparkling then you just order another one… and pay the bill, when you dine in… dont think about how much money you spend.. just enjoy the moment :)
    cao……

  • snivy on 24/07/2015 - 15:36
    +4

    You didn't mention your cultural background so I'm going to assume you're from non-Chinese whereas your husband is from a Chinese-background (then it would differ a bit more depending on which "Chinese" it is, e.g. Singaporean, Mainlanders, Cantonese, etc), and if that's the case I think you've simply misunderstood their culture, what you've perceived as being rude is actually "right" for them, like drinking and finishing the drink you brought. If it's a shared order then you actually have your say, so let them know whatever you want and won't eat, if they're going to order anything you might dislike you can object to that too, I'd be surprised if they just order without asking for your consent. They might force/try to make you eat stuff you don't want to eat, that's just the culture too.

    But as some posters have pointed out, don't ever order a dish and eat it alone for yourself! That's culturally considered rude and just plain weird, you can only do it if you have a valid reason to do so. I find it quite funny that you're upset they finished your wine/your dish, I normally encounter the opposite, they get upset when nobody touches theirs (that means they've failed bringing/ordering something everyone likes).

  • financialwar on 24/07/2015 - 16:16
    +1

    White people should stay out of Chinese restaurant if you don't know Chinese dining etiquettes, this is really embarrassing. Haven't you notice the spinning plate on larger Chinese dining table used to facilitate food sharing.

    WTF? entrees and main course at a Chinese restaurant? Seriously, you want to order pizza and French fries next time too? Maybe swap rice for mashed potatoes.

    • Adz81 on 24/07/2015 - 17:23
      +1

      Maybe swap rice for mashed potatoes.

      I'll have mine with potato fries thanks…

      And how far away is that pasta sauce?

  • try2bhelpful on 24/07/2015 - 17:20
    +1

    I'm not big on most seafood, apart from fish, so when I'm with friends, and we go out Yumcha, I indicate this upfront and we make sure there is a spectrum of food. They order the shellfish they want but we also order enough of the stuff I like. Your food was always going to be shared so you should have negotiated better on what the entrees and mains were to ensure you got enough of what you liked while they got some of what they wanted.

    In relation to the wine, I had that problem all the time. I only drank white and I would bring a bottle of white which got finished off before the others drank the red. The secret is you pour out the wine and make sure you pour a larger drink for yourself and then keep yours topped up. (I now drink red as well so the issue has departed.

    • dojomojo on 24/07/2015 - 17:47

      Nah too much effort, just sit there seething, hungry & expect everyone to read your mind…

  • KLoNe on 24/07/2015 - 17:42
    -1

    Ever thought of opening your mouth instead of typing up a complaint on OzBargain?

    • UFO on 24/07/2015 - 19:52

      It's not a complainant… its a comment asking for advice. And people have replied accordingly.

  • UFO on 24/07/2015 - 19:50
    +2

    There's no problem in being a fussy eater… but you cant expect people to be mind readers.

    Not everyone eats all the food available on a Chinese menu, and to some they find it very difficult to find even one item to eat.

    Be honest. Simply tell everyone at the very beginning, "I'm sorry everyone, but if you dont mind I'm just going to order something for myself. I only eat BLA BLA from Chinese, so if its ok I'll just get that for myself".

    It's not selfish. It's a little unusual yes, but if they are your friends they'll understand. If dinner is with people you've just met, or is a business meeting, then dinner isn't "dinner", it's primary purpose is something else and you need to be prepared for it. Eat something before hand, or prepare to eat something later. Contribute to a shared bill and enjoy the company, complete the 'task at hand'.

    First rule… be an adult.
    Dont sit there stewing over "I didnt get this, they had too much of that". It'll wreck your evening (which it sounds like it did!).

    Good thing with banquets though? You get to try food you wouldnt order, and might just end up liking it afterwards!

  • rangerdanger on 24/07/2015 - 20:01
    +2

    The last time this happened to me I cried myself to sleep.

    • gummibears on 24/07/2015 - 20:15
      +3

      Did you remarry afterwards?

  • tailgatinholden on 24/07/2015 - 20:20
    1. The appeal of a Chinese restaurant like the one you describe is to share all meals. They use that spinning platform on a circular table to facilitate this! The way you have written this is as if you aren't familiar with different cultural norms. Learn from it!
    2. This of course, does not preclude you from ordering a meal you like/must eat, taking it off the platform, and telling everyone to enjoy their meals (and red wine), but you will enjoy your own choice (because yes, "I'm a particular person, isn't it part of my charm?!"
    3. It's simple biology, the ones who are different from the crowd will get picked on and trodden down, unless you are going to be assertive enough to take your stand. Evolution isn't compassionate to those who just silently complain/suffer.
  • bah humbug on 24/07/2015 - 20:42
    +3

    Clearly the OP has gotten what they were after. Make up bs story, light the fire & leave.

  • Manh on 24/07/2015 - 21:14

    I know you didn't order it but Steamed Bok Choy in Oyster Sauce is a bad choice. For a dish like that, it should've been Chinese Brocolli because they don't turn to mush and stays crunchy.

    For those that can handle slightly oily foods, go with Stir Fried Snow Pea Shoots With Garlic instead. I usually don't see it on menus but I ask for it anyways and they do have it. The leaves still have texture and don't turn to mush like the spinach version.

Login or Join to leave a comment
Login Join