So I don't do smartphones no more and have entirely switched back to good old fashioned dumbphones. Sadly in 2015 there is less and less choice - back in 2012 Kmart and BigW and Target all had a stack from $50 up now its mostly all gone (Nokia's anyway). Even Officeworks unlocked phones have dried up. Nokia's quality is increasingly crappy too, I had a 301 and battery life was barely average (39 days standby keep dreaming, more like 6 days if you are lucky and the second battery life performance update isn't here) and an X1-01 I had was unstable (may have been the SIM but meh). Plus S40 is increasingly bloated with facebook and twitter apps and other trash. Its not a smartphone, stop pretending and bloating up the OS. You want online buy a cheapo Windows smartphone.
So solution time! Vodafail offers no cheap dumbphones, Telstra is an utter rip-off ($89 for their flip - what?) but good old Optus has the F286 at a cheap $29 whenever, and now Officeworks is offering them for $15. So review time! I only use this phone for a call or two a week if that and some texts. The end. With that in mind:
Call quality/loudness - perfect. Optus does seem to still use a half GSM codec to save bandwidth but that aside its clear and its loud. Can't seem to adjust the loudness of the speaker at all but its loud. The ringtone and SMS notification you can probably hear in Melbourne it can get that loud.
Reception. Depending on where you live it varies but for me no dropouts or missed calls. It works fine and nearly always there are full bars.
Ringtones - Utterly hilarious. There is a dead on porno track from the 80s, a generic phone tone that would seem out of place in 1975 and SMS tones that are just freaky. RECOMMENDED.
Camera. Don't go there. Just don't.
Battery life - 7.5 days on the box and that seems dead on. 7/8 days is it with light usage above. Sadly 2G phones can crack 10 days but its acceptable and 2G is dying soon anyway.
Build quality - Surprisingly well built, the keypad is a bit clacky and you can hear a vague rattle (the soul of a sad Chinese worker?) picking it up but its solid. No warping. There is also a "C" key which can clear text.
OS/stability - ZTE has ripped off Symbian S30 and there is thankfully no bloat beyond a wonky email app and browser for some reason. You can set the D-Pad keys but the 2 top keys are hardcoded to the 1995 porno camera and SMS respectively. Light and very very easy to use. The settings bits are clearly laid out and are saved with a huge flashing green tick. Data cannot be disabled, its on request so avoid the browser/mail apps. You can set 2G or 3G.
SMS - Is a strange blue notepad complete with lines but works well. Sending SMSs shows a demented flapping black crow holding mail. BEAUTIFUL.
Contacts - Numbers pop up in a little bubble highlighted which is nifty. Rest is all there.
Music - It plays MP3s and can hold an 8GB SD card. Haven't tested the earphone quality.
HIGHLY recommended. For phones and texts I'd take this over Nokia anyday. Plus Optus now offers a $10 Prepaid Daily which lasts for 6 months, a $1 a pop each time you trigger phone/text/data and you have 30min phone calls + unlimited texts and a small side of data for each data $1. So not too bad for a basic phone.
Great review! Amusing and informative, thanks.