[Joke Post] Free: Scoopon Cupid Service DIY Love Letter

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Highlights

• So tongue-tied in the presence of your crush that you can't even remember how to even?
• Got all the literary skills of a napping sloth? (Those claws are hard to type with!)
• Feel like they're out of your league? We here at Scoopon can make anything sound fantastic!
• Just print out our totally awesome Scoopon DIY Love Letter, on authentic rustic faux-parchment effect paper
• Then print out our list of Words of Lerrrve and customise your Love Letter so your sweetie melts into your arms like an ice cream on a hot day at the beach!
• Here, have some napkins
• Featuring awesome adjectives like 'limpid', 'nubile', 'aristocratic', 'statuesque' and 'fetch'
• At least 13 or 14 times better than flowers or chocolate, and less likely to cause an allergic reaction
• Remember - your choice of adhesive says a lot about you as a lover
• Blu-tack is for today, but PVA is forever!
• Staples are probably best avoided for reasons of looking slightly unhinged
• So romantic that before you know it, you'll be having a picnic of steak and oysters, on a swan, in a lake of chocolates, while Ryan Gosling skywrites messages of love in the sky above you and a mariachi band in wet shirts hold up boom boxes playing In Your Eyes*!
• Doing Valentine's Day solo this year? Don't miss out - build a love letter to yourself! Why? Because you're awesome!
• Plus get two tickets to the super-romantic Musée de L'Oignon!

The Fine Print

• Order your love letter before 12pm on Friday 13 February 2015 for delivery on Friday - plenty of time to find the Clag!
• Slacker who missed the Friday 12pm cut-off? We'll deliver you a copy on Monday, and hopefully you can still salvage some smiles - clearly you need all the help we can give you!
• Adhesive products, printer, scissors and love interest not included
• Customers are advised not to accidentally glue adjectives to their face, or their loved one may suspect they did not write the letter themselves
• Customers are advised not to package the letter in an envelope full of glitter. Nobody likes opening their mail over a sink.
• There isn't really an onion museum, it's an ongoing gag. Please, nobody start an actual onion museum and force us to stop.
• Limit of 1 Scoopon may be purchased for personal use, unless you have notably unusual Valentine's Day arrangements, in which case, go nuts; multiple Scoopons may be purchased as gifts for the romantically challenged. Scoopon valid for hopefully 2 people by the time you've finished with it. Maximum of 1 Scoopon redeemable per booking, unless you make a terrible hash of the first one and your sweetheart is so enraged you have to start over.
• Scoopon Terms and Conditions are located at scoopon.com.au/terms-and-conditions

How To Redeem

• Order before 12pm Friday and your Scoopon DIY Love Letter will be delivered to you by email on Friday 13 February.
• A Monday late delivery will be made for last-minute Larries and irredeemable no-hopers who forgot about Valentine's Day or missed the cut-off.
• Print your DIY Love Letter out on nice paper
• Cut out your favourite adjectives from the Words of Lerrrve page and attach them in an appropriate manner
• Deliver to your love interest in your preferred romantic manner - mail, ribbon-wrapped scroll, under the pillow, on the breakfast tray, singing telegram or paper plane to the side of the head